I want to be clear, I don't want money from my parents, I don't care that money is given unequally, what bothers me is when siblings are bad at money management and poor planning and stupidity is subsidized by the parents. Yes, we make more money and save more than our sibs, and most of the sibs have kids, so I have absolutely no problem with giving to grandkids. But what we saw and see still is a lot of bailouts for stupid stuff. Thinking about it more and reading the comments, I'd just like the parents to say to us, "We appreciate that you are independent and never needed anything." Strangely though, I really do believe that our 2 sets of parents prefer the kids who need the money. It makes parents feel needed and they have an "in" to be involved in adult kids' lives.
This!! It is just me and my brother, who is 7 years younger than me. Because my parents worked long hours, I ended up being a mother to my brother, but was unable to punish him, and as such, he was held to a completely different standard. "Boys will be boys." (ugh) I moved out at 19 and have been self-supporting ever since. My brother was 12 at that time and, with me being gone had even less oversight, and basically did whatever he wanted. (I, unfortunately, did not realize my parents would let him do this, they certainly didn't let me do whatever I wanted.) As a consequence, my brother has only lived apart from my parents less than 3 years since adulthood. And he just recently moved back in after spending the longest time away, just over a year, he is 42. My mom continually bails him out of stupid things like unpaid parking tickets, driving on a suspended license, buying him cars when he trashes his current one etc. He has probably worked less than 6 years total in his life. (And yes, until a few years ago drugs were an issue, but he appears to be staying clean finally.) Sadly, he is so crippled by being constantly bailed out by my mother that I don't know if he will ever be self-supporting.
My family has a history of codependence, my grandfather was a huge alcoholic and my grandmother was a total enabler. My mom has told me more than once that she hates the fact that I am self-sufficient and don't come running to her all the time to save me. I have no idea what he is going to do when my parents die because I will probably be RE by then and certainly won't be in a position to support him, and even if I was, I wouldn't. Even if they left him everything, in a few years he will be in exactly the same position.
My parents don't have a lot, but they do ok. A few years back mom told me she wanted me to be the executor of her will, since I am the responsible child, and I told her flat out that she better put what she wants him to have because, as far as I am concerned, he has gotten far more than his share. I have a lot of anger towards my parents because of this situation. I try not to let it get to me, but it is something that really bothers me. I live away from my family to distance myself from the drama.
Oh and my mom's sister and my cousin, her daughter, are another similar mess, stemming from the same codependence cycle. Her daughter is a lot like my brother and will be in a similar predicament, probably even sooner than my brother since her mother is in poor health. At which time I am sure my mom will end up supporting her as well. *sigh*
Anyway, sorry for the long rant. This is something that I worry about a lot.