Author Topic: Overheard on Facebook  (Read 6082482 times)

Inaya

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4900 on: August 04, 2016, 07:54:12 AM »
Saw this posted on my fb today.

"God never gives you a dream that matches your budget. He's not checking your bank account, he's checking your faith. ✨"

Because everyone knows we should spend all that we want since the good Lord will provide.

I've gotten pretty tired of people wrapping everything in God and while refusing to demonstrate some personal wisdom in life.

If you are going to be thoughtful about your spirituality, why not also be thoughtful about your health or your spending or your future?

Its like God isn't the creator, etc but God is a brand and an excuse.

What those people need is some good Bible'ing. Among many financial tidbits, the good book says to be an astute financial steward and it suggests to avoid debt, surety, and high leveraging. I don't believe I've met any "Spend all I want, the Lord will provide" people but if I did, I'd probably try to tell the brother or sister to rethink their position. Maybe I'd slip in a quote from Song of Solomon. Catch them off guard with that one.


 Lawyer fees ate up her money, she bought cheap new dresses and went to wine festivals while my dad watched her son, and she refused to take just any old job all because she "deserved" it.  "God didn't put me here to do minimum wage work and never see my son."  Which fine, yes, that sucks, but it will get money in the door. I think she said "God will provide" at least 4 times a week. 


"Well, Dad, it looks like we're God now..."

Drifterrider

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4901 on: August 04, 2016, 07:55:22 AM »
  I REALLY WISHED that I knew Bible quotes to give her at the time.[/quote]

I think "Physician heal thyself" would have been a good one.

MrsDinero

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4902 on: August 04, 2016, 07:56:29 AM »

Cue 4 months later and 2 job interviews where she either thought it was too boring or told them she wanted to be doing something completely unrelated in 5 years, so surprise they didn't hire her.  Lawyer fees ate up her money, she bought cheap new dresses and went to wine festivals while my dad watched her son, and she refused to take just any old job all because she "deserved" it.  "God didn't put me here to do minimum wage work and never see my son."  Which fine, yes, that sucks, but it will get money in the door. I think she said "God will provide" at least 4 times a week. 
Reminds me of an old joke.
[Disclaimer: I have no clue what that website is. But it was my first hit when I googled for that joke.]

Reminds me of a friend who had to take a test for a county job.  They took the practice test and scored under the minimum acceptable score. 

They had the study guide for a month and could take the practice test as many times as they wanted.  They didn't study and never took the practice test again. 

When the actual test date arrived, guess what....they failed!  with the exact same score as when they took the first practice test.  On their facebook page, they lamented how upset because they were still unemployed but clearly god didn't want them to have this job and they trusted in his path for them. 

Chris22

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4903 on: August 04, 2016, 08:23:10 AM »

Cue 4 months later and 2 job interviews where she either thought it was too boring or told them she wanted to be doing something completely unrelated in 5 years, so surprise they didn't hire her.  Lawyer fees ate up her money, she bought cheap new dresses and went to wine festivals while my dad watched her son, and she refused to take just any old job all because she "deserved" it.  "God didn't put me here to do minimum wage work and never see my son."  Which fine, yes, that sucks, but it will get money in the door. I think she said "God will provide" at least 4 times a week. 
Reminds me of an old joke.
[Disclaimer: I have no clue what that website is. But it was my first hit when I googled for that joke.]

Reminds me too of this:


kayvent

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4904 on: August 04, 2016, 08:37:57 AM »
  I REALLY WISHED that I knew Bible quotes to give her at the time.

I think "Physician heal thyself" would have been a good one.
[/quote]

That is a bit too atomized. Verses or chapters are better examples. If I may make this anti-semitic joke: Jesus was a Jew. The bible is filled with sections about money as a result.
« Last Edit: August 04, 2016, 08:40:26 AM by kayvent »

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4905 on: August 04, 2016, 10:56:51 AM »
  I REALLY WISHED that I knew Bible quotes to give her at the time.
Quote
I think "Physician heal thyself" would have been a good one.

That is a bit too atomized. Verses or chapters are better examples. If I may make this anti-semitic joke: Jesus was a Jew. The bible is filled with sections about money as a result.

It's not anti-Semitic to note that the Old Testament is basically the Torah, which is a set of vital scriptures identified by the earliest Jews as containing all of their most important knowledge. That knowledge did include maxims about business and money management because those activities were vital to the survival of the community and the people in it.

A lot of factors combined to create the association between Judaism and finance.

First, the earliest Hebrew people emphasized literacy to the point of obsession. The bar mitzvah tradition, by which a boy is recognized as a man by the rest of the community, includes public demonstration of his reading skills. This tradition goes back thousands of years, and it produced a community of people who knew how to read in a world where the vast majority of others were illiterate and often innumerate. Work that required record keeping (and the accounting and banking professions definitely do) also required literacy. So there was an automatic skill overlap.

Second, the Jewish tribes didn't integrate well with other cultures. There was never a lot of voluntary intermarriage, and the community was always visibly separate even during times where there was no overt conflict and Jewish people lived harmoniously for generations with people from different communities (which was actually the norm). However the lack of intermarriage made it almost impossible for Jewish families to form ties with, say, the Roman patrician families during the Republic era or with landowning aristocrats during the medieval era. So ownership or control of land, the primary means of production prior to the Industrial Revolution, simply wasn't an option for Jewish families in Western Europe. The skilled trades also weren't much of an option for people who were ineligible for guild membership or who were otherwise unable to get their sons apprenticed. Even knowledge based professions that required admission to a university were sometimes inaccessible. Commerce, however, had no such barrier to entry.

Third, at some point in history every single group of people in the world has been dominated, defeated, enslaved, driven out, or otherwise on the losing end of a conflict with some other group. Being a very visible group that obviously does not integrate with other cultures has, at times, resulted in attack. A lot of Jewish people have had to flee their homes over the last several thousand years. Having a profession where it's possible to stash resources elsewhere, or pick up and move on short notice, has literally saved people's lives.

Now, let's suppose I was in charge of writing down what was important. Suppose I was writing only the most important things: something that would be studied, memorized, copied out, and the first thing grabbed and rescued in case of emergency. Along with the important family lineages and the information about divinity, should I also include the maxims and skills that allow me to provide for my family, and that would allow my children or grandchildren to start over from scratch in a new country, if they had to? I'd like to think that I'd be smart enough to do that, and to provide them with the tools to save themselves.

So, yes, the Torah talks about money and business.

Chris22

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4906 on: August 04, 2016, 11:15:34 AM »
  I REALLY WISHED that I knew Bible quotes to give her at the time.
Quote
I think "Physician heal thyself" would have been a good one.

That is a bit too atomized. Verses or chapters are better examples. If I may make this anti-semitic joke: Jesus was a Jew. The bible is filled with sections about money as a result.

It's not anti-Semitic to note that the Old Testament is basically the Torah, which is a set of vital scriptures identified by the earliest Jews as containing all of their most important knowledge. That knowledge did include maxims about business and money management because those activities were vital to the survival of the community and the people in it.

A lot of factors combined to create the association between Judaism and finance.

First, the earliest Hebrew people emphasized literacy to the point of obsession. The bar mitzvah tradition, by which a boy is recognized as a man by the rest of the community, includes public demonstration of his reading skills. This tradition goes back thousands of years, and it produced a community of people who knew how to read in a world where the vast majority of others were illiterate and often innumerate. Work that required record keeping (and the accounting and banking professions definitely do) also required literacy. So there was an automatic skill overlap.

Second, the Jewish tribes didn't integrate well with other cultures. There was never a lot of voluntary intermarriage, and the community was always visibly separate even during times where there was no overt conflict and Jewish people lived harmoniously for generations with people from different communities (which was actually the norm). However the lack of intermarriage made it almost impossible for Jewish families to form ties with, say, the Roman patrician families during the Republic era or with landowning aristocrats during the medieval era. So ownership or control of land, the primary means of production prior to the Industrial Revolution, simply wasn't an option for Jewish families in Western Europe. The skilled trades also weren't much of an option for people who were ineligible for guild membership or who were otherwise unable to get their sons apprenticed. Even knowledge based professions that required admission to a university were sometimes inaccessible. Commerce, however, had no such barrier to entry.

Third, at some point in history every single group of people in the world has been dominated, defeated, enslaved, driven out, or otherwise on the losing end of a conflict with some other group. Being a very visible group that obviously does not integrate with other cultures has, at times, resulted in attack. A lot of Jewish people have had to flee their homes over the last several thousand years. Having a profession where it's possible to stash resources elsewhere, or pick up and move on short notice, has literally saved people's lives.

Now, let's suppose I was in charge of writing down what was important. Suppose I was writing only the most important things: something that would be studied, memorized, copied out, and the first thing grabbed and rescued in case of emergency. Along with the important family lineages and the information about divinity, should I also include the maxims and skills that allow me to provide for my family, and that would allow my children or grandchildren to start over from scratch in a new country, if they had to? I'd like to think that I'd be smart enough to do that, and to provide them with the tools to save themselves.

So, yes, the Torah talks about money and business.

Nice post.  Bravo.

Papa Mustache

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4907 on: August 04, 2016, 12:05:17 PM »
It's culturally acceptable to treat religion as a legitimate off-switch for the brain. Praying, praising, acts of blind and ill-advised faith, and other kinds of holy rolling are treated as legitimate substitutes for self-examination, discipline, and personal responsibility. It's not a mentality that makes even a fragment of sense to people for whom religion supplements personal accountability. But it's still popular. Maybe it feels good to the people who do it? After all, making mouth noises is probably easier than, say, exercising or following a budget.

I don't know, some devote followers of certain religions stop whatever they are doing, including sleeping, to pray several times during the day, every single day. While it's not maybe the same as exercising or following a budget, it still takes dedication that many people don't possess.

Every major world religion contains emphasis on personal responsibility and sometimes civic responsibility as well as different forms of outward expression. My beef is with the way it's become socially acceptable to ditch the personal responsibility part, overemphasize the outward expression part, and act as though we expect to get the same results.

THAT!

Aimza

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4908 on: August 04, 2016, 03:19:40 PM »

Anyway, the guy is in trouble. But I am wondering, who buys used cars for 30K?!

My ex was going to buy a used pick up truck for over 30k just because it had flames on the side of it. I pointed out he could buy a cheaper truck and put flames on himself for way less than half the cost.  He only didn't get the truck because someone else bought it before he could.

He ended up buying a truck for 5k that he didn't get inspected and died one month after purchase.

frugalnacho

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4909 on: August 05, 2016, 07:45:11 AM »

Anyway, the guy is in trouble. But I am wondering, who buys used cars for 30K?!

My ex was going to buy a used pick up truck for over 30k just because it had flames on the side of it. I pointed out he could buy a cheaper truck and put flames on himself for way less than half the cost.  He only didn't get the truck because someone else bought it before he could.

He ended up buying a truck for 5k that he didn't get inspected and died one month after purchase.

Did he put flames on it though?

Drifterrider

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4910 on: August 05, 2016, 08:30:11 AM »

Anyway, the guy is in trouble. But I am wondering, who buys used cars for 30K?!

My ex was going to buy a used pick up truck for over 30k just because it had flames on the side of it. I pointed out he could buy a cheaper truck and put flames on himself for way less than half the cost.  He only didn't get the truck because someone else bought it before he could.

He ended up buying a truck for 5k that he didn't get inspected and died one month after purchase.

Did he put flames on it though?

Nope.  Flames appeared when it died.

Actually, I have no idea but the thought was funny.

kayvent

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4911 on: August 05, 2016, 09:05:31 PM »
[The whole post]

All this on a thread about stuff people heard on Facebook. This is why I love these forums - smart, interesting people and great conversations!

Imagine how I feel. I make an immature joke about a member of the trinity being a Jew and get back an excellent, thought out response. I was ill-deserving.

kayvent

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4912 on: August 05, 2016, 09:07:39 PM »

Anyway, the guy is in trouble. But I am wondering, who buys used cars for 30K?!

My ex was going to buy a used pick up truck for over 30k just because it had flames on the side of it. I pointed out he could buy a cheaper truck and put flames on himself for way less than half the cost.  He only didn't get the truck because someone else bought it before he could.

He ended up buying a truck for 5k that he didn't get inspected and died one month after purchase.

I am honestly curious: is that why he is an ex?

Chaplin

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4913 on: August 06, 2016, 01:32:43 AM »

Anyway, the guy is in trouble. But I am wondering, who buys used cars for 30K?!

My ex was going to buy a used pick up truck for over 30k just because it had flames on the side of it. I pointed out he could buy a cheaper truck and put flames on himself for way less than half the cost.  He only didn't get the truck because someone else bought it before he could.

He ended up buying a truck for 5k that he didn't get inspected and died one month after purchase.

I am honestly curious: is that why he is an ex?

Well, he's dead, so that pretty much makes him an ex.

kayvent

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4914 on: August 06, 2016, 05:16:01 AM »

Anyway, the guy is in trouble. But I am wondering, who buys used cars for 30K?!

My ex was going to buy a used pick up truck for over 30k just because it had flames on the side of it. I pointed out he could buy a cheaper truck and put flames on himself for way less than half the cost.  He only didn't get the truck because someone else bought it before he could.

He ended up buying a truck for 5k that he didn't get inspected and died one month after purchase.

I am honestly curious: is that why he is an ex?

Well, he's dead, so that pretty much makes him an ex.

You may be right. I read that as the truck dying.
« Last Edit: August 06, 2016, 09:31:26 AM by kayvent »

RetiredAt63

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4915 on: August 06, 2016, 08:17:57 AM »
Getting super OT here, but if you are married to someone and he dies, that makes him your late husband, not your ex husband (or of course late wife, not ex wife, in reverse).  Of course if he is your ex husband when he dies, he is still your ex.

Aimza  So giving in to curiosity, was he your ex before he died?  Or did the truck die?   Sorry, English can be such an imprecise language.

Chaplin

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4916 on: August 06, 2016, 10:02:13 AM »

Sorry, English can be such an imprecise language.

Which is what makes word games so much fun!

nnls

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4917 on: August 06, 2016, 03:58:23 PM »

Anyway, the guy is in trouble. But I am wondering, who buys used cars for 30K?!

My ex was going to buy a used pick up truck for over 30k just because it had flames on the side of it. I pointed out he could buy a cheaper truck and put flames on himself for way less than half the cost.  He only didn't get the truck because someone else bought it before he could.

He ended up buying a truck for 5k that he didn't get inspected and died one month after purchase.

I am honestly curious: is that why he is an ex?

Well, he's dead, so that pretty much makes him an ex.

You may be right. I read that as the truck dying.

I also read it as truck dying

frugalnacho

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4918 on: August 07, 2016, 01:27:26 PM »
I had a good chuckle at the previous confusion. While a funny interpretation of that sentence, I don't believe anyone would have constructed the sentence that way to convey that he died and not the truck. I read it as:

He ended up buying a truck (for 5k) that:

1. he didn't get inspected, and
2. died one month after purchase.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4919 on: August 07, 2016, 06:53:28 PM »
I have some friends who posted an article that said ,in no uncertain terms, entitled "It is literally impossible to save money when you are poor."  Just to make sure they were clear about that, they repeated the statement in bold print and also called special attention to it.

"Literally impossible".

The article went on to explain that when one is poor, it's hard to save.  (Duh.  There's some news.)

An example it gave is because it would be cheaper to buy a big bag of rice or beans, but someone who is poor cannot afford to buy a big bag, so they are forced to buy more expensive per serving smaller bags.

That's a perfectly good example but it in no way supports the premise of the article that it is "literally impossible" to save money.

Some of my friends chimed in about the "capitalist conspiracy" that intentionally has store owners in poor areas stocking only small packages instead of the big ones, all to keep those poor people down.

I am now an evil, ill-mannered lout because I pointed out half a dozen ways someone could get past the sample problem.

The consensus was that only a truly extraordinary person could do something like:

a) Get a side gig to raise $150 and use that to jump-start purchasing the larger packages, or
b) Get a friend or three to share the cost of the larger packages, or
c) Stop smoking cigarettes and use the saved money for the cheaper groceries.

As for the "capitalist conspiracy", I asked if anyone had actually ever asked the store owner to order a larger bag for them?   I suppose that would require extraordinary talents to be able to do, too...

For example, in our community, there has been a big to-do about a "food desert" in one of our poorer areas.   I think they are wrong about that, but that's immaterial.   Someone in the community asked the local farmer's market to show up and now they come out once a week and sell fresh produce.   

Other examples of things considered too extraordinary for regular people to do include a Memphis kid who sold the local paper on weekends for 5 years, from 8th to 12th grade.   He wanted to go to college and his single, poor mom told him he would have to solve that problem for himself.   He raised $50,000 before his first day of college, which is enough to fund his degree from a local university.   I mean really!  How could selling papers by standing on a street corner be considered something that requires someone extraordinary to do it!   

Basenji

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4920 on: August 08, 2016, 07:30:42 AM »
Young person I know liked and shared this.

https://m.facebook.com/BuzzFeedBuyMeThat/photos/a.245363505796264.1073741828.224750834524198/320605311605416/?type=3&source=48&__tn__=E

"Me: I never have any money.
Also me: [photo of girl carrying numerous clothes-shopping bags]"

So sad...I had started talking to her about money issues. Ugh. Gonna go remedial now.

« Last Edit: August 08, 2016, 07:33:49 AM by Basenji »

Papa Mustache

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4921 on: August 08, 2016, 08:20:24 AM »
To be fair I have seen smaller shops (mostly convenience stores) sell things at a price higher than a real grocery store.

Maybe these poor people haven't figured out the most cost effective places to shop? They just go for the one nearest home? The difference between the 1lb bag of something and the 5lb bag of something is usually a few cents per pound. Nothing drastic. If it is something drastic then it's time to find another place to shop.

I would recommend that they group up with a friend with a car and drive to a WalMart or other brand grocery store occasionally just like the rest of us make pilgrimages to the warehouse stores.

That's what us poor college students would do. That's what us poor military guys would do too. That's what we do today occasionally. Leave the kids with a friend/family and get the shopping done. Share the ride.

I still think the reason SOME people are poor is that they aren't creative enough to get out of their rut.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4922 on: August 08, 2016, 10:00:59 AM »
The homeless family of 7 that has been living with me since the first of July, and that will be here through the end of August, never seems to have a problem feeding itself or driving around. There's one working adult and 6 kids (well, we're down to 5 so I suppose it's now a family of 6).

Here's how they do food.

1) Get fast food for the whole fam' damly at least once a day. Make sure to go driving around in the car for at least half an hour with no clear direction, because it is Something To Do. (Taking out the trash or cleaning up after the kids would also be Something To Do, but then there wouldn't be the highly artistic pile of dirty diapers from the kid who's about to turn 4 but who isn't potty trained). It's very important to have a hundred-dollar-a-week fast food habit because that's all you've trained your kids to eat.

2) Even though healthy, real food is being provided for you, make sure to get a bunch of prepackaged, highly processed stuff every time you go for groceries. Leave the half-eaten stuff and the seeping drink containers randomly around the house, especially on top of wooden tables right next to a coaster. Make sure to avoid stepping into the kitchen or dining room when eating, because if you eat in the places that are designed to have food in them you won't be able to get that characteristic stale-food stench in the bedroom.

3) Thou Shalt Not walk to the grocery store half a mile away. That's fine for your host or hostess, but you've got More Important Things To Do because working 20 hours a week is just so strenuous.

4) When you get packaged food, open it immediately even if you've already got a jar or package of something else open. Make sure to have at least six or seven bags of "chips" open at the same time. Leave these lying around wherever it's convenient because insects are gross but you're incapable of understanding the relationship between food and insects. Besides, if the entire bag or package is spoiled, it's an excuse to throw it out and wail to your host that you need to buy more. [Edited to add: this is why it's best to pay more per unit to buy small packages.]

5) Make sure to carry food through the house no matter how many times your host or hostess asks you not to, so that it spills. Don't clean up spills because grinding your chips or your McCrap into the carpet is a vital part of your unique cultural heritage. It contributes to that homey sty-like aroma your host's house lacks, and it also guarantees that you won't have leftovers.

6) Make sure each of your kids has at least two or three foods they refuse to eat, and cater to them constantly so that they never have to compromise by trying something new or having a vegetable or fruit that isn't exactly what they want, when they want it. This will ensure that you (or, more accurately, your host or hostess because you're Too Busy) must prepare two or three meals at every sitting because somebody goes into a snit and refuses to eat the same food they demanded a week before.

7) Have a giant laundry list of different foods you "need" immediately, but don't express an interest in any of them until after they've spoiled

8) Make mouth noises about wanting fresh fruit and vegetables, but make sure that only one or two servings get used and the rest is thrown away. When you eat an apple, take just one or two bites, throw the rest out, and in a few minutes when you're hungry again, take another one.

9) Leave food in the most inappropriate possible place so that it spoils. Dairy, meat, and perishables must be left out on the kitchen counter. "Grease", or what the rest of the world knows as cooking oil, must be left in multiple pans on the stove so that it spills and stinks. Leave bottles and bags of bread open so that the air can get in. Cram empty or nearly-empty containers into the fridge instead of using smaller containers or throwing out things that spoil. [Again, here is the benefit of small packages. You're going to do your best to let the food spoil instantly anyway, so since you're only going to use things that are freshly opened and throw the rest away, why get a large container?]

10) All older children and adults must cook for themselves. Never, ever prepare a meal for the whole household because it's a mortal sin for more than one or two people to eat at a time: you can clutter up the kitchen far better if there's constantly someone in it, because that provides an excuse to never sweep or wipe up. This also ensures that there's plenty of food to be thrown away because eating leftovers might be fine for your host or hostess, but it's beneath you because you're superior.

11) If by chance you use something and put it away because your host or hostess is on your case again, make sure the lid isn't on. Lids aren't good for anything anyway: every jar of mayonnaise or bag of rice ought to be single-serve, so when you put the rice in the cabinet or the condiments in the fridge, balance them precariously so that they tip over and spill the second the door is open. You need spills in the cabinet and the fridge to booby trap your host or hostess for lulz, because they just don't appreciate you or your unique culture enough. You're also trying to train them to not be so unreasonable as to ask you to put away what you use. It's far more culturally appropriate to pile your food up on the counter.

12) Never, ever, ever finish a bag, bottle, or box of anything. Use just a couple slices of bread and leave the rest to dry out in an open bag. Take a bottle or can of processed drink, open it, take a couple of sips, and then either spill it or leave it sitting around. A few minutes later, repeat with a fresh can or bottle. If you've got two cases of, say, crackaroni, make sure to open and use at least one box out of each, so that you've got two open cases cluttering the place up. It's important to pile the clutter high so that there are several layers of everything. That will maximize spills and wastage.

In closing, this is how homeless families with large numbers of children like to cook and eat. I'd suggest that it's unique to this family, except having been in several other apartments or homes of people in this social class I've got to say that the way these folks try to live while in my home is pretty much par for the course for them. Food is free (when I'm not providing, there are food stamps) and so there's no incentive to do anything but waste. They're moving out at the end of the month, which is when I expect to hear a bunch of bitching and wailing about how the mother hasn't been able to save anything at all. She's lucky I don't give her a bill for all the stuff her kids have broken or damaged.

Why have I tolerated this? My goal was to get my daughter to value life in an organized household and to appreciate how much work goes into taking care of kids or teens. She didn't, before. Despite having been raised as an enabler, she was too willing to sacrifice her own interests even when she was pulled out of an enabling environment. That sort of thing can't be allowed in a child, but when the child learns only through experience, it's best to let them have a small taste of the experience under controlled circumstances. It took a brief voyage into Pig-istan, a couple months of her working like Cinderella, and massive destruction of her clothing and belongings before her disgust and sense of being used hit critical mass. She's within inches of developing a sense of self-worth, because her house guests are starting to treat her the same way they treat me: good enough to use, but not good enough to invite to the party. So that's why I'm allowing my daughter's couch-surfing friend and associated munchkins to do this to my home: to permanently turn my daughter off of enabling behavior along with disorderliness, chaos, waste, and bad smells. It's working.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2016, 10:07:28 AM by TheGrimSqueaker »

merula

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4923 on: August 08, 2016, 10:12:49 AM »
TheGrimSqueaker, you are the best and most hilarious mother in the whole world.

LeRainDrop

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4924 on: August 08, 2016, 10:15:29 AM »
Why have I tolerated this?

Holy bananas, GS!  Good luck making it through the end of August.  I would have an anxiety attack for sure.

SunshineAZ

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4925 on: August 08, 2016, 10:32:08 AM »
Why have I tolerated this? My goal was to get my daughter to value life in an organized household and to appreciate how much work goes into taking care of kids or teens. She didn't, before. Despite having been raised as an enabler, she was too willing to sacrifice her own interests even when she was pulled out of an enabling environment. That sort of thing can't be allowed in a child, but when the child learns only through experience, it's best to let them have a small taste of the experience under controlled circumstances. It took a brief voyage into Pig-istan, a couple months of her working like Cinderella, and massive destruction of her clothing and belongings before her disgust and sense of being used hit critical mass. She's within inches of developing a sense of self-worth, because her house guests are starting to treat her the same way they treat me: good enough to use, but not good enough to invite to the party. So that's why I'm allowing my daughter's couch-surfing friend and associated munchkins to do this to my home: to permanently turn my daughter off of enabling behavior along with disorderliness, chaos, waste, and bad smells. It's working.

You're my hero!  Talk about tough love!!  I hope the experience opens the eyes of your daughter.  (I don't think I could put up with that for very long, I got twitchy just reading about it.)

BlueHouse

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4926 on: August 08, 2016, 10:43:45 AM »
Why have I tolerated this? My goal was to get my daughter to value life in an organized household and to appreciate how much work goes into taking care of kids or teens. She didn't, before. Despite having been raised as an enabler, she was too willing to sacrifice her own interests even when she was pulled out of an enabling environment. That sort of thing can't be allowed in a child, but when the child learns only through experience, it's best to let them have a small taste of the experience under controlled circumstances. It took a brief voyage into Pig-istan, a couple months of her working like Cinderella, and massive destruction of her clothing and belongings before her disgust and sense of being used hit critical mass. She's within inches of developing a sense of self-worth, because her house guests are starting to treat her the same way they treat me: good enough to use, but not good enough to invite to the party. So that's why I'm allowing my daughter's couch-surfing friend and associated munchkins to do this to my home: to permanently turn my daughter off of enabling behavior along with disorderliness, chaos, waste, and bad smells. It's working.

You're my hero!  Talk about tough love!!  I hope the experience opens the eyes of your daughter.  (I don't think I could put up with that for very long, I got twitchy just reading about it.)
This is absolutely brilliant.  I look forward to hearing more and I hope your daughter learns quickly and forever!  Good mothers make great sacrifices.  Not sure I could survive that.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4927 on: August 08, 2016, 11:08:34 AM »
Why have I tolerated this? My goal was to get my daughter to value life in an organized household and to appreciate how much work goes into taking care of kids or teens. She didn't, before. Despite having been raised as an enabler, she was too willing to sacrifice her own interests even when she was pulled out of an enabling environment. That sort of thing can't be allowed in a child, but when the child learns only through experience, it's best to let them have a small taste of the experience under controlled circumstances. It took a brief voyage into Pig-istan, a couple months of her working like Cinderella, and massive destruction of her clothing and belongings before her disgust and sense of being used hit critical mass. She's within inches of developing a sense of self-worth, because her house guests are starting to treat her the same way they treat me: good enough to use, but not good enough to invite to the party. So that's why I'm allowing my daughter's couch-surfing friend and associated munchkins to do this to my home: to permanently turn my daughter off of enabling behavior along with disorderliness, chaos, waste, and bad smells. It's working.

You're my hero!  Talk about tough love!!  I hope the experience opens the eyes of your daughter.  (I don't think I could put up with that for very long, I got twitchy just reading about it.)
This is absolutely brilliant.  I look forward to hearing more and I hope your daughter learns quickly and forever!  Good mothers make great sacrifices.  Not sure I could survive that.

My savings and cash reserves haven't, and neither has some of the furniture or the tub and bathroom fixtures that didn't survive the shower parkour incident. For a class of people who can't be bothered to waddle down to the grocery store, they have some unusual exercise habits. At least I hope that's what it was.

Anyway, if this experience helps prevent a lifetime of enabling behavior for my daughter because we get to the full gross-out now, I'll count us ahead. I'd rather have her completely lose her shit right now, and then compose herself and figure out what she thinks and feels really. Up to two weeks ago she "didn't mind" a whole bunch of stuff she should have minded, because of the codependent attitude she picked up early in life due to having been around too many people who would probably benefit from an icepick to the forehead. Now she minds and feels appropriate hurt and resentment. I'm mildly bummed about her experiencing hurt and resentment, but this is how you show a person what having good boundaries feels like. The alternative is to accept a reality in which she continues enabler patterns into adulthood and ends up in a codependent sharknado of a marriage with some random abusive druggie or worse.

By learning how to step away from inappropriate responsibility, she's freed herself to step up in terms of taking responsibility for things that ARE appropriate and that DO create a payoff for her. It's really brought her forward, maturity-wise.

pachnik

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4928 on: August 08, 2016, 11:35:04 AM »
Dear Grimsqueaker,

Your post is one of the most amazing things I have read on here in a long time.

Kudos to your parenting. 

mm1970

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4929 on: August 08, 2016, 11:40:39 AM »
To be fair I have seen smaller shops (mostly convenience stores) sell things at a price higher than a real grocery store.

Maybe these poor people haven't figured out the most cost effective places to shop? They just go for the one nearest home? The difference between the 1lb bag of something and the 5lb bag of something is usually a few cents per pound. Nothing drastic. If it is something drastic then it's time to find another place to shop.

I would recommend that they group up with a friend with a car and drive to a WalMart or other brand grocery store occasionally just like the rest of us make pilgrimages to the warehouse stores.

That's what us poor college students would do. That's what us poor military guys would do too. That's what we do today occasionally. Leave the kids with a friend/family and get the shopping done. Share the ride.

I still think the reason SOME people are poor is that they aren't creative enough to get out of their rut.
How much of this is overhead (higher rental cost), and inventory/ turnover?

Store owners in the city pay fairly high rent, and inventory costs money.  If you have something that doesn't sell at all, it costs money when you throw it out.

Papa Mustache

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4930 on: August 08, 2016, 12:16:18 PM »
All good points. Yeah, never thought much about the higher rents/turnover/etc. I just looked at the higher prices and avoided shopping in places like that and avoided NEEDING to shop places like that.

GS: so what's next - just burning the place down and starting over? Or - pressure washing the interior of your house? Congrats - way to teach your daughter by example.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4931 on: August 08, 2016, 12:26:19 PM »
All good points. Yeah, never thought much about the higher rents/turnover/etc. I just looked at the higher prices and avoided shopping in places like that and avoided NEEDING to shop places like that.

GS: so what's next - just burning the place down and starting over? Or - pressure washing the interior of your house? Congrats - way to teach your daughter by example.

I plan to repaint, and sin no more.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4932 on: August 08, 2016, 12:40:01 PM »
To be fair I have seen smaller shops (mostly convenience stores) sell things at a price higher than a real grocery store.

Maybe these poor people haven't figured out the most cost effective places to shop? They just go for the one nearest home? The difference between the 1lb bag of something and the 5lb bag of something is usually a few cents per pound. Nothing drastic. If it is something drastic then it's time to find another place to shop.

I would recommend that they group up with a friend with a car and drive to a WalMart or other brand grocery store occasionally just like the rest of us make pilgrimages to the warehouse stores.

That's what us poor college students would do. That's what us poor military guys would do too. That's what we do today occasionally. Leave the kids with a friend/family and get the shopping done. Share the ride.

I still think the reason SOME people are poor is that they aren't creative enough to get out of their rut.
How much of this is overhead (higher rental cost), and inventory/ turnover?

Store owners in the city pay fairly high rent, and inventory costs money.  If you have something that doesn't sell at all, it costs money when you throw it out.

Higher losses to theft too

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4933 on: August 08, 2016, 12:47:07 PM »
To be fair I have seen smaller shops (mostly convenience stores) sell things at a price higher than a real grocery store.

Maybe these poor people haven't figured out the most cost effective places to shop? They just go for the one nearest home? The difference between the 1lb bag of something and the 5lb bag of something is usually a few cents per pound. Nothing drastic. If it is something drastic then it's time to find another place to shop.

I would recommend that they group up with a friend with a car and drive to a WalMart or other brand grocery store occasionally just like the rest of us make pilgrimages to the warehouse stores.

That's what us poor college students would do. That's what us poor military guys would do too. That's what we do today occasionally. Leave the kids with a friend/family and get the shopping done. Share the ride.

I still think the reason SOME people are poor is that they aren't creative enough to get out of their rut.
How much of this is overhead (higher rental cost), and inventory/ turnover?

Store owners in the city pay fairly high rent, and inventory costs money.  If you have something that doesn't sell at all, it costs money when you throw it out.

Higher losses to theft too

Which also mean higher insurance rates, more employee turnover (due to thefts and safety risks), and many more associated costs.

As for not being able to buy large quantities of things, have they ever considered looking into this handy thing called "The Internet." It's apparently a 'series of tubes,' but most definitely not 'a firetruck.'

Kitsune

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4934 on: August 08, 2016, 12:50:44 PM »
To be fair I have seen smaller shops (mostly convenience stores) sell things at a price higher than a real grocery store.

Maybe these poor people haven't figured out the most cost effective places to shop? They just go for the one nearest home? The difference between the 1lb bag of something and the 5lb bag of something is usually a few cents per pound. Nothing drastic. If it is something drastic then it's time to find another place to shop.

I would recommend that they group up with a friend with a car and drive to a WalMart or other brand grocery store occasionally just like the rest of us make pilgrimages to the warehouse stores.

That's what us poor college students would do. That's what us poor military guys would do too. That's what we do today occasionally. Leave the kids with a friend/family and get the shopping done. Share the ride.

I still think the reason SOME people are poor is that they aren't creative enough to get out of their rut.
How much of this is overhead (higher rental cost), and inventory/ turnover?

Store owners in the city pay fairly high rent, and inventory costs money.  If you have something that doesn't sell at all, it costs money when you throw it out.

Higher losses to theft too

Which also mean higher insurance rates, more employee turnover (due to thefts and safety risks), and many more associated costs.

As for not being able to buy large quantities of things, have they ever considered looking into this handy thing called "The Internet." It's apparently a 'series of tubes,' but most definitely not 'a firetruck.'

To be fair, the Internet requires credit cards (usually) and a safe delivery spot where your packages will actually remain until you get them. I've lived in apartment complexes where packages had a 50% chance of disappearing, so... I wouldn't necessarily recommend that to someone in a shifty neighbourhood.

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4935 on: August 08, 2016, 12:57:54 PM »
To be fair I have seen smaller shops (mostly convenience stores) sell things at a price higher than a real grocery store.

Maybe these poor people haven't figured out the most cost effective places to shop? They just go for the one nearest home? The difference between the 1lb bag of something and the 5lb bag of something is usually a few cents per pound. Nothing drastic. If it is something drastic then it's time to find another place to shop.

I would recommend that they group up with a friend with a car and drive to a WalMart or other brand grocery store occasionally just like the rest of us make pilgrimages to the warehouse stores.

That's what us poor college students would do. That's what us poor military guys would do too. That's what we do today occasionally. Leave the kids with a friend/family and get the shopping done. Share the ride.

I still think the reason SOME people are poor is that they aren't creative enough to get out of their rut.
How much of this is overhead (higher rental cost), and inventory/ turnover?

Store owners in the city pay fairly high rent, and inventory costs money.  If you have something that doesn't sell at all, it costs money when you throw it out.

Higher losses to theft too

Which also mean higher insurance rates, more employee turnover (due to thefts and safety risks), and many more associated costs.

As for not being able to buy large quantities of things, have they ever considered looking into this handy thing called "The Internet." It's apparently a 'series of tubes,' but most definitely not 'a firetruck.'

To be fair, the Internet requires credit cards (usually) and a safe delivery spot where your packages will actually remain until you get them. I've lived in apartment complexes where packages had a 50% chance of disappearing, so... I wouldn't necessarily recommend that to someone in a shifty neighbourhood.

That's a fair point. I know that Amazon is experimenting with dropboxes for this purpose.

I will admit I'm lucky in that I can have packages delivered to my office, my neighborhood is completely safe but in the summer I don't really want some foods I've ordered to be sitting in the mail box or right next to my front door.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4936 on: August 08, 2016, 01:03:52 PM »
To be fair I have seen smaller shops (mostly convenience stores) sell things at a price higher than a real grocery store.

Maybe these poor people haven't figured out the most cost effective places to shop? They just go for the one nearest home? The difference between the 1lb bag of something and the 5lb bag of something is usually a few cents per pound. Nothing drastic. If it is something drastic then it's time to find another place to shop.

I would recommend that they group up with a friend with a car and drive to a WalMart or other brand grocery store occasionally just like the rest of us make pilgrimages to the warehouse stores.

That's what us poor college students would do. That's what us poor military guys would do too. That's what we do today occasionally. Leave the kids with a friend/family and get the shopping done. Share the ride.

I still think the reason SOME people are poor is that they aren't creative enough to get out of their rut.
How much of this is overhead (higher rental cost), and inventory/ turnover?

Store owners in the city pay fairly high rent, and inventory costs money.  If you have something that doesn't sell at all, it costs money when you throw it out.

Higher losses to theft too

Which also mean higher insurance rates, more employee turnover (due to thefts and safety risks), and many more associated costs.

As for not being able to buy large quantities of things, have they ever considered looking into this handy thing called "The Internet." It's apparently a 'series of tubes,' but most definitely not 'a firetruck.'

Big truck, not firetruck.

the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4937 on: August 08, 2016, 01:06:40 PM »
To be fair I have seen smaller shops (mostly convenience stores) sell things at a price higher than a real grocery store.

Maybe these poor people haven't figured out the most cost effective places to shop? They just go for the one nearest home? The difference between the 1lb bag of something and the 5lb bag of something is usually a few cents per pound. Nothing drastic. If it is something drastic then it's time to find another place to shop.

I would recommend that they group up with a friend with a car and drive to a WalMart or other brand grocery store occasionally just like the rest of us make pilgrimages to the warehouse stores.

That's what us poor college students would do. That's what us poor military guys would do too. That's what we do today occasionally. Leave the kids with a friend/family and get the shopping done. Share the ride.

I still think the reason SOME people are poor is that they aren't creative enough to get out of their rut.
How much of this is overhead (higher rental cost), and inventory/ turnover?

Store owners in the city pay fairly high rent, and inventory costs money.  If you have something that doesn't sell at all, it costs money when you throw it out.

Higher losses to theft too

Which also mean higher insurance rates, more employee turnover (due to thefts and safety risks), and many more associated costs.

As for not being able to buy large quantities of things, have they ever considered looking into this handy thing called "The Internet." It's apparently a 'series of tubes,' but most definitely not 'a firetruck.'

Big truck, not firetruck.

the Internet is not something that you just dump something on. It's not a big truck. It's a series of tubes. And if you don't understand, those tubes can be filled and if they are filled, when you put your message in, it gets in line and it's going to be delayed by anyone that puts into that tube enormous amounts of material, enormous amounts of material.

Thanks, when I first heard it, I heard it as "firetruck," but big truck makes more sense. In my defense, I was on the floor laughing so hard that I'm surprised I got the truck part right.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4938 on: August 08, 2016, 01:33:40 PM »
Why have I tolerated this? My goal was to get my daughter to value life in an organized household and to appreciate how much work goes into taking care of kids or teens. She didn't, before. Despite having been raised as an enabler, she was too willing to sacrifice her own interests even when she was pulled out of an enabling environment. That sort of thing can't be allowed in a child, but when the child learns only through experience, it's best to let them have a small taste of the experience under controlled circumstances. It took a brief voyage into Pig-istan, a couple months of her working like Cinderella, and massive destruction of her clothing and belongings before her disgust and sense of being used hit critical mass. She's within inches of developing a sense of self-worth, because her house guests are starting to treat her the same way they treat me: good enough to use, but not good enough to invite to the party. So that's why I'm allowing my daughter's couch-surfing friend and associated munchkins to do this to my home: to permanently turn my daughter off of enabling behavior along with disorderliness, chaos, waste, and bad smells. It's working.

You're my hero!  Talk about tough love!!  I hope the experience opens the eyes of your daughter.  (I don't think I could put up with that for very long, I got twitchy just reading about it.)
This is absolutely brilliant.  I look forward to hearing more and I hope your daughter learns quickly and forever!  Good mothers make great sacrifices.  Not sure I could survive that.

My savings and cash reserves haven't, and neither has some of the furniture or the tub and bathroom fixtures that didn't survive the shower parkour incident. For a class of people who can't be bothered to waddle down to the grocery store, they have some unusual exercise habits. At least I hope that's what it was.

Anyway, if this experience helps prevent a lifetime of enabling behavior for my daughter because we get to the full gross-out now, I'll count us ahead. I'd rather have her completely lose her shit right now, and then compose herself and figure out what she thinks and feels really. Up to two weeks ago she "didn't mind" a whole bunch of stuff she should have minded, because of the codependent attitude she picked up early in life due to having been around too many people who would probably benefit from an icepick to the forehead. Now she minds and feels appropriate hurt and resentment. I'm mildly bummed about her experiencing hurt and resentment, but this is how you show a person what having good boundaries feels like. The alternative is to accept a reality in which she continues enabler patterns into adulthood and ends up in a codependent sharknado of a marriage with some random abusive druggie or worse.

By learning how to step away from inappropriate responsibility, she's freed herself to step up in terms of taking responsibility for things that ARE appropriate and that DO create a payoff for her. It's really brought her forward, maturity-wise.

I know this isn't the whole story. But what are the boundaries here? I understand it must be close to impossible to enforce boundaries on 6-7 houseguests, but letting them run rampant doesn't seem to be teaching anything about boundaries. What consequences are there when they abuse your home and your goodwill. Also, isn't one month enough - give your daughter the gift of teaching her how to kick people out. And, change the locks whenever they do leave.

The boundaries she's learning?
  • Her clothes are for her, not to be taken and trashed or given away without her knowledge by other people who help themselves
  • Other people are not to bring guests into her room while she is not present
  • Nobody gets to use her as a free babysitter by dumping their kids on her at the last minute
  • When she cleans up the bathroom, it's reasonable to expect it to stay clean
  • Her allowance money is for her, and not to be cadged out of her by someone who "needs" money for gas or a fast food run
  • Why we do not lend out the family vehicle
  • Her bed is for her to sleep in, not to be given over to someone else while she sleeps on the floor because that person prefers to not use the fold-out couch or room they were given
  • When she spends all her time taking over someone else's responsibilities, there are still consequences for not fulfilling her own, and the universe will not cut her any slack just because she exhausted herself chasing the monkeys in someone else's circus
  • Her electronics, furniture, and belongings are not toys for toddlers
  • Why it's a bad idea for her to try to take from me to give to somebody else
  • Why it's an even worse to let people take from her in order to give to somebody else
  • The fine art of identifying unreasonable requests and saying "no" to them
  • How to identify and survive the tantrum stage when an over-entitled adult tries to get back on the nipple
  • Why it's a bad thing to do for others what they should be doing for themselves
  • Not wanting to wake up to the smell of human feces is actually OK
  • Why a person who is not functioning as an adult has "needs" that will expand to consume and then exceed all available resources
  • Why, when she runs out of energy or resources to give, she's not going to be helped in return by the non-functional adult
  • Correct duck alignment requires that she not try to line up other people's ducks while letting hers waddle all over the place
  • Correct fuck alignment requires an awareness of what she does or doesn't actually control
  • How to not be the second velociraptor
  • How to not spend her whole life on a one-way street
  • Why taking control of what's not hers to manage will not end well or produce the results she wants, but it will sure exhaust her

... and more... much more.

One month wasn't actually enough to pull this off.

After the first month, she was still eyeballs-deep in codependent behavior and trying to dump her responsibilities onto me (preferably along with her fecund friend's responsibilities) in order to be the hero and take on even more. She truly believed that doing this would benefit the kids.

By "codependent behavior" I'm talking about a willingness to destroy her relationship with me in order to give more to her houseguests. I'm talking about siding with her houseguests, trying to get me to give them money, confronting me for asking for broken or missing belongings to be returned, yelling at me for not using a "nice" enough tone of voice when expressing a desire for food to not be tracked through the house. I'm talking about insisting that it was right and appropriate to "let" them live in a filthy and disorganized way, not having a bedtime, a wakeup time, or organized meals because "it's how they like to live", and throwing a tantrum herself when I refused to watch her houseguest's children. She also confronted me when somebody's precious feelings were hurt when I used the word "pigs" to describe their behavior after a food booby trap exploded in the pantry.

Instead of doing the boundary thing and recognizing the extent to which she was being used herself and also the extent to which she was helping the guests to abuse me, she went into full martyr mode and vowed to take all the work on herself because she "didn't mind", and that her guests "just needed until". This is not healthy behavior. This is the behavior of someone mired in codependency to the point where they truly believe that pulling someone else in is the thing to do. Helping can be just as addictive as heroin, and it was in danger of becoming my daughter's "drug" of choice.

If I'd sent the guests on their way at that point, I'd have been taking the fix away and creating the need for more, setting into motion a pattern of behavior that could have continued into my daughter's adulthood, which is coming on fast. Bad patterns repeat themselves unless they're broken.

So I stood back and let my daughter start experiencing negative consequences for her behavior.

Around the house, I bowed out of guest activities. I did only the work that suited me, and let my daughter take over all the work and enabling for caring for a handful of very badly socialized kids. It caught up to her pretty quickly especially when she realized her best effort still wasn't producing the results she wanted. She snapped, and did some things she probably wouldn't have done otherwise. Her frustration and feelings of being overwhelmed led to some denial, self destructive decisions, and other things that made her feel less good about herself and more criticized and set-upon by everybody. Eventually, it reached a breaking point where she verbally attacked me for not supporting her enough or appropriately. So I pointed out where the bear shit in the woods, and explained what was and was not appropriate parent behavior.

I suppose it took two full weeks of martyrdom for her to crack and realize that she did indeed mind. Now she's experiencing some of the stress and resentment, and also recognizing the extent to which she's being used. She's now asking for change, enforcing change, and complaining about her situation because she can't do the fun things she really want to do. She's also recognizing the limitations to her own power and having a strong need to stay in her own swim lane.

As a consequence of cracking, she had to take some attention away from the unrewarding, codependent bullshit and consequently had a breakthrough in an area of life where hard work and concentration IS rewarded.

A couple more weeks should sear this incident into her memory for life.

O' the houseguests: they're not being allowed to run rampant. She stepped up and took responsibility for them. Yes, I let her step in that because she didn't believe me when I told her about quicksand.

With This Herring

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4939 on: August 08, 2016, 01:51:48 PM »
How old is your daughter?  We see "my daughter's adulthood, which is coming on fast," your daughter living with you, and that she has a working "friend" who already has six children.  Are daughter and "friend" significantly different ages?

onlykelsey

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4940 on: August 08, 2016, 01:54:04 PM »
How old is your daughter?  We see "my daughter's adulthood, which is coming on fast," your daughter living with you, and that she has a working "friend" who already has six children.  Are daughter and "friend" significantly different ages?

I was left wondering about this, as well.

MgoSam

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4941 on: August 08, 2016, 01:55:58 PM »
How old is your daughter?  We see "my daughter's adulthood, which is coming on fast," your daughter living with you, and that she has a working "friend" who already has six children.  Are daughter and "friend" significantly different ages?

I was left wondering about this, as well.

Also how did this "homeless" family come to live with you? Did you know them beforehand?

MrsDinero

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4942 on: August 08, 2016, 02:23:59 PM »
Yes, I let her step in that because she didn't believe me when I told her about quicksand.

I imagine it must be hard to watch your daughter go through all these realizations and learn the hard way.  It is hard to watch your kid decide if they are going to sink or swim.  Good for you on the tough love. 

I'd love to hear about how she is doing, thoughts, lessons, once everyone is out of the house.  how much of an impact will it make on her short and long term life plans.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4943 on: August 08, 2016, 02:27:04 PM »
How old is your daughter?  We see "my daughter's adulthood, which is coming on fast," your daughter living with you, and that she has a working "friend" who already has six children.  Are daughter and "friend" significantly different ages?

I was left wondering about this, as well.

Also how did this "homeless" family come to live with you? Did you know them beforehand?

My daughter turns 17 this winter. She's only been with me a year and we finalized in May. I have very, very little time to give her the life skills she needs before she reaches legal majority at 18. She's very bright and a quick learner but the clock is ticking.

As to her friend, she's in her 30s and is like an older stepsister to my daughter. She actually helped care for my daughter during some rough times years ago so my daughter believed she owed her a major debt. The lady's quite likeable and she's got a lot of up-side despite her commitment to Suinae culture. The children, though badly socialized, are trainable.

I did a basic but discreet background check on her first, obviously. I regarded it as a kind of tenancy although I obviously didn't sign a contract with her.

Selecting some garden-variety mooch that didn't have a bond with my daughter to begin with would not have delivered the lesson. I didn't go looking for this one, it was more of an opportunity sent by Lord Baphomet Itself.

Me talking about the behavior I want to see, or me modeling it, is nowhere near as effective a teaching tool as letting her select the best solution by herself and then own it.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4944 on: August 08, 2016, 02:28:00 PM »
Are you just going to burn your house down after all this is over?

Also, please let me know where a bear shits in the woods. Asking for a friend.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4945 on: August 08, 2016, 02:33:08 PM »
Are you just going to burn your house down after all this is over?

Also, please let me know where a bear shits in the woods. Asking for a friend.

Nah. My daughter's keeping up with the cleaning competently. I'll have some repairs, a bit of paint maybe, and some Rug Doctor.

The bear shits near the water supply, but not in it. In this respect they differ from humans.

Nederstash

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4946 on: August 08, 2016, 02:47:41 PM »
Are you just going to burn your house down after all this is over?

Also, please let me know where a bear shits in the woods. Asking for a friend.

Nah. My daughter's keeping up with the cleaning competently. I'll have some repairs, a bit of paint maybe, and some Rug Doctor.

The bear shits near the water supply, but not in it. In this respect they differ from humans.

Humans shit in the hand that feeds them.

With This Herring

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4947 on: August 08, 2016, 03:30:35 PM »
How old is your daughter?  We see "my daughter's adulthood, which is coming on fast," your daughter living with you, and that she has a working "friend" who already has six children.  Are daughter and "friend" significantly different ages?

I was left wondering about this, as well.

Also how did this "homeless" family come to live with you? Did you know them beforehand?

My daughter turns 17 this winter. She's only been with me a year and we finalized in May. I have very, very little time to give her the life skills she needs before she reaches legal majority at 18. She's very bright and a quick learner but the clock is ticking.

As to her friend, she's in her 30s and is like an older stepsister to my daughter. She actually helped care for my daughter during some rough times years ago so my daughter believed she owed her a major debt. The lady's quite likeable and she's got a lot of up-side despite her commitment to Suinae culture. The children, though badly socialized, are trainable.

*snip*

Now this is making sense.  Thank you.  And I'm so glad you are giving your daughter this education in the safety of your own home!  Tough love here is true love.

mm1970

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4948 on: August 08, 2016, 03:38:30 PM »
complete shitshow

Whoa.  I did not know people lived like that.  I was never the neatest person in the world (I've gotten better).  But yuck.

Even my horrible college roommates who never did their dishes...were not this bad.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard on Facebook
« Reply #4949 on: August 08, 2016, 03:59:34 PM »
TheGrimSqueaker, you are my hero.

If you are ever in the mood to practice your wordcraft on a group of people who most definitely need your wisdom, just send me your Facebook id.  I'll tag you in the thread so you can join in - but only after stopping at the store to get some popcorn 'cause it would be way better than a movie show.

If you ever come thru the Fayetteville, NC area, let me know and I'll buy you dinner.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2016, 04:41:06 PM by SwordGuy »