Author Topic: Overheard at Work 2  (Read 1117302 times)

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3100 on: July 15, 2021, 11:08:41 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

How did you feel about that? I wouldn't mind not going to a wedding if SO's in general weren't invited but I would be very pissed off if I wasn't invited because we are civil partners rather than spouses. I totally understand not wanting to include teenage boyfriends but I would feel insulted if someone considered my relationship less real because we didn't do a church thing. Especially since Mr Imma and I have been together for much longer than most couples whose weddings I've attended.

RainyDay

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3101 on: July 15, 2021, 11:46:50 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

How did you feel about that? I wouldn't mind not going to a wedding if SO's in general weren't invited but I would be very pissed off if I wasn't invited because we are civil partners rather than spouses. I totally understand not wanting to include teenage boyfriends but I would feel insulted if someone considered my relationship less real because we didn't do a church thing. Especially since Mr Imma and I have been together for much longer than most couples whose weddings I've attended.

Oh, I didn't mind at all that (adult) SOs showed up.  Honestly, I was only thinking of the teenagers when I put the invite together and had forgotten some of our friends weren't married.  So it all worked out just fine. 

Sugaree

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3102 on: July 15, 2021, 12:09:34 PM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

I had one family RSVP with 9 when I'd only invited 5...

Sandi_k

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3103 on: July 15, 2021, 10:05:00 PM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

How did you feel about that? I wouldn't mind not going to a wedding if SO's in general weren't invited but I would be very pissed off if I wasn't invited because we are civil partners rather than spouses. I totally understand not wanting to include teenage boyfriends but I would feel insulted if someone considered my relationship less real because we didn't do a church thing. Especially since Mr Imma and I have been together for much longer than most couples whose weddings I've attended.

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3104 on: July 16, 2021, 12:09:09 AM »

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

If you're trying to be clear, shouldn't you pre-fill the form?

Total number attending: _1___

Freedomin5

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3105 on: July 16, 2021, 01:56:00 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

Sugaree

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3106 on: July 16, 2021, 07:45:44 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

FindingFI

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3107 on: July 16, 2021, 07:52:38 AM »
We used an online RSVP platform that we uploaded the guest list to. Guests would search their name and everyone on that invitation would appear on screen and they could select attending or regrets. This was really nice for making it extra clear who was invited and who wasn't.

Almost all of our friends and family were in long term relationships at the time, so they were invited as couples. And the few that weren't got +1 since it added so few to the guest count.

hudsoncat

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3108 on: July 16, 2021, 03:05:22 PM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

I not only have two random dates (BiL date, mom date neither were around for more than two months before or after the wedding) in my wedding pictures, but also one family picture with a random child that literally none of us know and don't know where he came from. I can only assume he had something to do with a staff member at the venue and with all the moving around the photog grabbed him and stuck him in hinking he belonged since it was just family around.

We still laugh about that one. It's totally one of my favorite pictures from the day.

Sandi_k

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3109 on: July 16, 2021, 03:16:37 PM »

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

If you're trying to be clear, shouldn't you pre-fill the form?

Total number attending: _1___

Nope. We had some families where only some could make it, so we invited 4, and 2 attended.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3110 on: July 16, 2021, 06:45:46 PM »

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

If you're trying to be clear, shouldn't you pre-fill the form?

Total number attending: _1___

Nope. We had some families where only some could make it, so we invited 4, and 2 attended.

Then you don't fill those invitations in with the answer...

Sandi_k

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3111 on: July 16, 2021, 07:19:47 PM »

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

If you're trying to be clear, shouldn't you pre-fill the form?

Total number attending: _1___

Nope. We had some families where only some could make it, so we invited 4, and 2 attended.

Then you don't fill those invitations in with the answer...

I don't know what you're talking about.

We didn't know how many were coming, and I wasn't about to call 100+ families to pre-fill the info. That's what the RSVP is for.

It worked perfectly - it flagged the one person who tried to add a +1 when one was not invited, and it allowed everyone else to reply with the family and friends who did plan to attend.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3112 on: July 17, 2021, 12:02:35 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

I not only have two random dates (BiL date, mom date neither were around for more than two months before or after the wedding) in my wedding pictures, but also one family picture with a random child that literally none of us know and don't know where he came from. I can only assume he had something to do with a staff member at the venue and with all the moving around the photog grabbed him and stuck him in hinking he belonged since it was just family around.

We still laugh about that one. It's totally one of my favorite pictures from the day.

I know that child.  He died 100 years ago.  He’s always been the caretaker of that hotel

PDXTabs

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3113 on: July 17, 2021, 12:37:48 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

Have you watched Lovesick? You should. Everyone in this thread should. The episode with the wedding is the season premiere.

LennStar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3114 on: July 17, 2021, 12:54:08 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

I not only have two random dates (BiL date, mom date neither were around for more than two months before or after the wedding) in my wedding pictures, but also one family picture with a random child that literally none of us know and don't know where he came from. I can only assume he had something to do with a staff member at the venue and with all the moving around the photog grabbed him and stuck him in hinking he belonged since it was just family around.

We still laugh about that one. It's totally one of my favorite pictures from the day.

I know that child.  He died 100 years ago.  He’s always been the caretaker of that hotel
Maybe it was a Zashiki Warashi? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zashiki-warashi
That would mean a lot of good luck when it's even on the photos!

prudent_one

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3115 on: August 09, 2021, 05:09:24 PM »
*sigh* Our lovely admin-type person stopped by my office and we discussed weekend events.  Her daughter is getting married next year, and so they're working on the arrangements.  The venues in our area are apparently charging $10,000 just for the room.  No tables, no linens, etc.  Caterers are quoting $40-50/head for food, and they're planning on 120-150 guests.  So they're looking at neighboring states (minimum drive: 90 minutes to the state border) for cheaper options.

Dang, I'm in the wrong line of work.

I won't be surprised if in the near future there is an AirBNB type operation for wedding receptions.  For the food, most people I know who are not spendypants get a caterer from just outside the county and save about 40%.

Sugaree

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3116 on: August 10, 2021, 04:41:21 AM »
*sigh* Our lovely admin-type person stopped by my office and we discussed weekend events.  Her daughter is getting married next year, and so they're working on the arrangements.  The venues in our area are apparently charging $10,000 just for the room.  No tables, no linens, etc.  Caterers are quoting $40-50/head for food, and they're planning on 120-150 guests.  So they're looking at neighboring states (minimum drive: 90 minutes to the state border) for cheaper options.

Dang, I'm in the wrong line of work.

I won't be surprised if in the near future there is an AirBNB type operation for wedding receptions.  For the food, most people I know who are not spendypants get a caterer from just outside the county and save about 40%.

I worked for a caterer for awhile, so I've got a few tips.  For food, you can do a buffet without it feeling like a buffet.  Have them set up food stations of heavy hors d'oeuvres, but instead of setting it up in a line, scatter the stations around the reception area.  It encourages people to walk around and see what's available and socialize.  You can also lowball the headcount by a few people and are likely to still have enough food.

Look for non-traditional venues.  Musuems, state parks, etc.  When I got married, we rented out a lodge for the weekend (granted, I had closer to 50 people than 150).  I bought my table linens and resold them within 3 days after the wedding.  I ordered wholesale flowers and put together simple bouquets and boutonnieres together myself the day before and then used the bouquets as table decorations (again, I didn't have a whole lot of tables to do). 

I also made my own veil.  It was literally $8 worth of materials. 

Inaya

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3117 on: August 10, 2021, 05:20:06 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

I not only have two random dates (BiL date, mom date neither were around for more than two months before or after the wedding) in my wedding pictures, but also one family picture with a random child that literally none of us know and don't know where he came from. I can only assume he had something to do with a staff member at the venue and with all the moving around the photog grabbed him and stuck him in hinking he belonged since it was just family around.

We still laugh about that one. It's totally one of my favorite pictures from the day.


I'd rather have randos in my photos than my husband's (now estranged) father. The man didn't want to be there, and is scowling in every photo he's in.

ysette9

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3118 on: August 10, 2021, 07:34:50 AM »
We had a Chinese wedding banquet at a Chinese restaurant. No dancing or music, which I don’t like anyway, 10-course meal for 100 people, we supplied our own alcohol (no corking fee), snd the whole thing was something like $5k. Everyone had a great time, good food, minimal planning on our part aside from choosing the menu. It feels crazy to hear about what people spend on western style wedding receptions.

jinga nation

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3119 on: August 13, 2021, 05:25:48 AM »
Reading another thread (https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/antimustachian-wall-of-shame-and-comedy/do-any-of-your-parents-hoard-and-try-to-give-you-crap-and-other-dumb-stuff/), realized I have something to contribute here.

High-level gov guy, who's worked with my boss for years, pays $300/month (yes, MONTH, heard that word several times in the conversation) for a storage locker for his wife to store junk stuff. He meant it, stuff like an old washer and dryer, their daughter's old sports equipment, which the grown-up daughter doesn't want, and other junk. Just listening to him made my mind go haywire, I was flabbergasted.

I could only think of what George Carlin said about "Stuff": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

LennStar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3120 on: August 13, 2021, 08:03:39 AM »
Reading another thread (https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/antimustachian-wall-of-shame-and-comedy/do-any-of-your-parents-hoard-and-try-to-give-you-crap-and-other-dumb-stuff/), realized I have something to contribute here.

High-level gov guy, who's worked with my boss for years, pays $300/month (yes, MONTH, heard that word several times in the conversation) for a storage locker for his wife to store junk stuff. He meant it, stuff like an old washer and dryer, their daughter's old sports equipment, which the grown-up daughter doesn't want, and other junk. Just listening to him made my mind go haywire, I was flabbergasted.

I could only think of what George Carlin said about "Stuff": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac
You know, I have wondered a lot of times now why I am so often wrong on what new thing people will use and what not.
The result of my analysis was that the stupider something seems to me, the bigger hit it will be.

Looks like that also works for old stuff, especially with stuff ;)

Sugaree

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3121 on: August 16, 2021, 09:18:47 AM »
Am I the only one who works in an office where discussion of the best new TV prices take place at least monthly? 

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3122 on: August 16, 2021, 07:15:00 PM »

You know, I have wondered a lot of times now why I am so often wrong on what new thing people will use and what not.
The result of my analysis was that the stupider something seems to me, the bigger hit it will be.

Ah, a kindred spirit!

We both have a highly valuable talent but capitalism has failed to make efficient use of our expertise.  Think how much money could be saved on failed product launches if they canceled products we thought were stupid and useless!

Michael in ABQ

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3123 on: August 17, 2021, 08:40:18 AM »
High-level gov guy, who's worked with my boss for years, pays $300/month (yes, MONTH, heard that word several times in the conversation) for a storage locker for his wife to store junk stuff. He meant it, stuff like an old washer and dryer, their daughter's old sports equipment, which the grown-up daughter doesn't want, and other junk. Just listening to him made my mind go haywire, I was flabbergasted.

I used to be a commercial real estate appraiser and did multiple self-storage properties. I usually wouldn't see inside occupied units but in talking to the owners and managers it was clear that most people literally just stored junk in them. Basically whatever wouldn't fit into someone's closet/garage/attic/basement. So are you going to put your best stuff that you may use someday in your home or in a storage unit? It's not surprising how many people would just stop paying the bill and let the stuff get sold at auction. I would also see people that had units for multiple years, or multiple storage units. In one case the manager said an older couple had an adult child die and they rented three large storage units to put all his stuff in (paying hundreds of dollars per month) because they couldn't bring themselves to get rid of it.

MilStachian

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3124 on: August 17, 2021, 01:53:30 PM »
"The sailboat is a more reasonable option. I can get the 52' for only $1.2M. It's really not bad, even the upkeep is cheaper, something like $100k a year all-in on maintenance and dock fees."

"My 2020 BMW M340xi is certainly fast, but I've been pricing out that new M3. Would be a big step up."


LennStar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3125 on: August 18, 2021, 01:02:38 AM »
"The sailboat is a more reasonable option. I can get the 52' for only $1.2M. It's really not bad, even the upkeep is cheaper, something like $100k a year all-in on maintenance and dock fees."

"My 2020 BMW M340xi is certainly fast, but I've been pricing out that new M3. Would be a big step up."
What a workplace is that, where the 100K/year is the cheaper option?

btw. does this guy still have his old boat? I might be convinced to take off his burden from him and make sure his old boat get's a nice new owner.

MilStachian

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3126 on: August 18, 2021, 06:08:53 AM »
The gent who said this is, by far, the exception.

The president of our business division makes >$600k a year and drives a mid 2000s Civic with 200k miles. The guy who made the comment about the sailboat drives the most expensive car in the lot.

I try not to pass judgment on other people's lifestyle choices, but damn, the thought of a $100k annual cost just for the enjoyment of something I get to use a dozen times a year is bonkers to me.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3127 on: August 18, 2021, 07:40:14 AM »
I try not to pass judgment on other people's lifestyle choices, but damn, the thought of a $100k annual cost just for the enjoyment of something I get to use a dozen times a year is bonkers to me.

If I was going to spend that kind of money, it would be on a woman...

PDXTabs

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3128 on: August 18, 2021, 02:13:33 PM »
I think that I could sail around the world for $100k, including the purchase price of a yacht capable of bluewater crossings.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3129 on: August 18, 2021, 02:37:18 PM »
I try not to pass judgment on other people's lifestyle choices, but damn, the thought of a $100k annual cost just for the enjoyment of something I get to use a dozen times a year is bonkers to me.

If I was going to spend that kind of money, it would be on a woman...

Yeah it sounds like he’s spending 2x his income on the boat and 1/6 income on upkeep.  No matter how much money you make those ratios are stupid

And I’m not a fan of tax complainers, but after taxes those ratios are even worse

Maybe he got a huge bonus or has a really high savings rate.  Gotta absolutely love boating if you are willing to save for several years to pay for a boat…

Zamboni

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3130 on: August 18, 2021, 05:58:00 PM »
I try not to pass judgment on other people's lifestyle choices, but damn, the thought of a $100k annual cost just for the enjoyment of something I get to use a dozen times a year is bonkers to me.

If I was going to spend that kind of money, it would be on a woman...

Lol, are you single? Cause I'm not spendy, but if I was given the budget, then I could probably dream up ways for someone to spend $100K on me.

On a more topical note:
My brother owns his own construction business and he hired a new guy during the pandemic. It's complicated, skilled labor (custom cabinetry for commercial jobs.) The new guy was normal retirement age and wasn't skilled in construction trades, but he lives in a small town and they needed the money, and my brother was swamped with work coming out of the pandemic shutdown and needed cabinet installers, so he figured he would train him.

Brother was a little worried that the guy wouldn't stick around long enough for it to be worth his effort to train him because he was changing careers from something white collar. So, he asked the guy for his word that he would stay for at least a year. "Of course," he said, "I plan to work 2-3 more years and will stay in this job if you take a chance on hiring me."

Most of his employees are much younger, so my brother thought it would be good to have some more senior, hopefully more mature people on the jobs to set good examples. Installers earn the prevailing wage for each job, which is typically $28-$40 per hour, plus expenses if the install is out of town. The first month of work the new guy made $40/hr for the entire month, even though he didn't know how to do anything job-related and was basically just following the other employees around.

Once he started working, my brother became amazed at how bad he was with money. He said he is temporarily living with his own FIL (who must be in his 90's) ostensibly to save money, but he reports he can't make ends meet. Yet he drives a Lexus SUV, his wife drives a big new Lexus sedan, and, the hilarious kicker: in addition to these they own both a diesel F350 pickup and a gigantic RV. It wouldn't matter, I suppose, except they are so short of money that his wife literally drives to work on payday twice a month to pick up his check for bank deposit while he is still at work. He explained to my brother that she does this because otherwise they can't make it to the next day. Apparently they are always very behind on "the bills." And he reports that they only have $500 as their lifetime savings . . . in their mid-60's. . . and that they keep having to "dip into it for grocery money." So my brother was like "well, living with your FIL and making $40/hr, hopefully you'll be able to get ahead with your savings a bit now."

One of the times he was complaining about "the bills" and how he just can't get ahead, my brother, trying to be friendly and help the guy, asked "well, maybe you could sell the RV so things aren't so tight?" to which the guy said "oh, no, we are fixing that up to live in it full time so we don't have to keep living in my FIL's house." So then my brother said "ok, well, maybe you could sell one of the other cars? It doesn't seem like you really use the truck . . . " But the guy had all kinds of reasons he and his wife needed all 4 vehicles. So then my brother was like "you know, my kids took this Dave Ramsey course, have you heard of him?" And the guy said "oh, yeah, we took it. His methods just aren't going to work for us." So at that point my brother pretty much gave up.

And then, three months after starting the job, the guy came to my brother and they had this conversation:
Guy: "I'm going to take a job at the mill [it's literally a lumber mill]. It's second shift, so I'm hoping I can also still work here in the shop from 10am - 1 pm. The new job starts in a month. I can work here full time until then."
Brother: "The mill? How much does it pay?"
Guy: "$20/hr, but it has better benefits."
Brother: "Huh? You make way more than that here, and I thought I had your word you would stay for a year . . . we are still training you and you don't know how to do half the stuff here yet."
Guy: "I know, and I want to keep working for you, just less hours."
Brother: "Have you been in the mill? I worked there a few months when I first moved here and it's pretty terrible: dark, dangerous, exhausting, loud, repetitive, saw dust everywhere, terrible glue smell. Plus, as a new guy, they are going to keep changing your shift every time a more senior guy needs time off. It might be 2nd shift one week, then switch to third shift if that's what they need. It's not worth "better benefits." I wouldn't work there for a million dollars a year. Are you sure you want to work there?"
Guy: "Yes, but I'm going to keep working here for a month and then I can work part time here, just like three hours a day."
Brother: "That's not going to work. When we are doing an install, I need guys who can be on-site 8 hours at predictable times in the morning with the crew. Plus, you are not keeping your word. If this is your plan, then you can just head home today, because it's not cost effective for me to keep training someone who's not going to be around."

My brother's a totally calm, reasonable guy. I doubt he raised his voice at all during that conversation. He absolutely does not need this guy working for him. Just tried to talk the guy out of it, then fired the guy on the spot once he realized the guy was dead set on his plan. While I hope I'm wrong, I've toured that mill, and I'd be surprised if they guy lasts as long at the mill as he did working for my brother. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you . . . when you don't have any food in your pantry.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2021, 08:38:55 PM by Zamboni »

swaneesr

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3131 on: August 18, 2021, 07:39:07 PM »
Wow. Just Wow.

Swanee.


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Dave1442397

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3132 on: August 19, 2021, 07:47:58 AM »
@Zamboni  Crazy. Some people just can't be helped.

Zamboni

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3133 on: August 19, 2021, 09:30:23 AM »
I was thinking about the guy and his move to the mill more . . . the PNW where this is had that heat dome all summer.

My brother's employees have always worked 6 or 7 am to 2 or 3 pm, but he started letting them go at 1 pm if they wanted to bc it was so hot this summer. His shop does have AC in the office, but a lot of the work is outside loading the trailer or at job sites that don't have climate control on yet.

I'm sure that most days at 6-7 am they load the trailer to go to the job site for the installation. Then they drive to the site and unload it. If you can just agree to get your boss to agree to let YOU start at 10am, then they other employees do all the lifting and moving and all you have to do is meet them at the site and start drilling things into walls, putting in drawers and putting on doors, etc. (basically, the part that he's not good at . . . because he's unskilled.) A brilliant plan, amirite! Lol, no, that's just not going to fly.

So back to the mill: 100% chance the mill floor has been hot as the surface of the sun in the afternoons this summer. There is a reason they have 2nd shift openings. The fact that the guy suggested 10 am start time tells me that he doesn't like getting up early, and that's he's not swift enough to understand the afternoon heat factor in a lumber mill that has giant open doors all day for unloading the trees (process starts with literally tree trunks) where there will be grueling physical labor the entire shift until you are senior enough to be a manager or get one of the seated jobs, which he will never be because it takes like 20 years of paying dues.


zolotiyeruki

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3134 on: August 19, 2021, 09:56:45 AM »
Wow, if there was ever a situation of "You can't afford to worry about someone else's problem more than they do," this is it.

pachnik

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3135 on: August 19, 2021, 12:06:04 PM »
With regard to the post above by Zamboni about the guy who worked for the brother.  2 Lexus's and a Ford pick-up and $500.00 as their life savings in their mid-60's.  This has to be one of the saddest situations I've seen on this thread. 

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3136 on: August 19, 2021, 02:12:27 PM »
^^Yeah, I talked to my brother this morning and he said he was trying to help the guy, but he's actually relieved that he's gone now because new people always cost him money for awhile by slowing down the experienced people.

With regard to the post above by Zamboni about the guy who worked for the brother.  2 Lexus's and a Ford pick-up and $500.00 as their life savings in their mid-60's.  This has to be one of the saddest situations I've seen on this thread. 

Well, technically they could sell their vehicles and have some money (I think . . . depends upon "the bills", whatever those are.) It's a very LCOL area, so maybe that would put them better off than some people? His wife has never worked outside the home, which is fine, but it might be time for her to try to pitch in if she is capable of working? My brother's wife makes a substantial income running her own business, so he just can't relate.

From Forbes: "Among those closer to retirement, 17% of people aged 45 to 59 report a complete lack of retirement savings and that figure is 13% for those aged 60+."

I think this situation is a lot more common than we realize . . .

MissNancyPryor

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3137 on: August 19, 2021, 02:22:52 PM »
And sadly, so many are quick to explain why that circumstance it is not their fault.  The Man has always had his boot on their neck, dontcha know.     

I used to be related to people like that.  Hard to stay away from judgmental cynicism when their alternatives are so plentiful and obvious. 

Steeze

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3138 on: August 20, 2021, 06:21:40 AM »
My parents are in this boat - 60's no savings, maybe a $1000, only two vehicles though. Luckily they only owe on the house now after a DR course a few years back. Unfortunately they owe as much now as they did when they bought the place 25 years ago due to cash out refinancing a couple times. They are both planning on working part time (permanently) starting this winter also. Not really sure how that works.

Evildunk99

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3139 on: August 20, 2021, 09:02:25 AM »
My parents are in this boat - 60's no savings, maybe a $1000, only two vehicles though. Luckily they only owe on the house now after a DR course a few years back. Unfortunately they owe as much now as they did when they bought the place 25 years ago due to cash out refinancing a couple times. They are both planning on working part time (permanently) starting this winter also. Not really sure how that works.

When they did the cash-out refis did they spend the cash on needless purchases?

Steeze

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3140 on: August 20, 2021, 09:22:41 AM »
My parents are in this boat - 60's no savings, maybe a $1000, only two vehicles though. Luckily they only owe on the house now after a DR course a few years back. Unfortunately they owe as much now as they did when they bought the place 25 years ago due to cash out refinancing a couple times. They are both planning on working part time (permanently) starting this winter also. Not really sure how that works.

When they did the cash-out refis did they spend the cash on needless purchases?

Used it to pay off higher interest debt for the most part - pay off credit cards, pay off cars, personal loans for things like furniture, a hot tub, etc. So... yeah, basically to pay for an inflated lifestyle. Not like they got a big pile a cash and went out and blew it, but they racked up debt until the payments were unsustainable then refinance. Rinse and repeat as the housing boomed though the early 2000's. Their house just appraised for 2x more than they paid for it after a decade or so of stagnation. So... they have an opportunity, but I don't think they will do it again, hopefully.

ETA - they also did this with a business they owned. Sold the business for 3x what they paid for it after owning it for 15 years, but they owed 2.5x what they paid for it, so they only netted a small amount. They blew that on a 6-month long RV trip and paying off credit card debt, car loans, etc. same as above. Money was gone within a year.
« Last Edit: August 20, 2021, 09:26:36 AM by Steeze »

mm1970

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3141 on: August 20, 2021, 10:27:10 AM »
With regard to the post above by Zamboni about the guy who worked for the brother.  2 Lexus's and a Ford pick-up and $500.00 as their life savings in their mid-60's.  This has to be one of the saddest situations I've seen on this thread.

Same, I kept cringing more and more as I read...

Zamboni

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3142 on: August 20, 2021, 11:09:52 AM »
With regard to the post above by Zamboni about the guy who worked for the brother.  2 Lexus's and a Ford pick-up and $500.00 as their life savings in their mid-60's.  This has to be one of the saddest situations I've seen on this thread.

Same, I kept cringing more and more as I read...

But the mill has a 401k match and dental plan! We are all being too negative: I'm sure it will work out for him.

How much you want to bet that he doesn't even put in any 401K employee contribution and therefore doesn't get the employer match?  I mean this guy has had jobs with those kind of benefits before . . . but yet no money . . . because "the bills".

It's sad. I've watched so many former colleagues "cash out" their retirement funds when they changed jobs. One of the places I worked pretty much everyone announced they were going to take the money as a lump sum and run when they left. Everyone always seemed really please to tell us all about it during their last two weeks. They had employer match as private stock for the 401K and also a separate pension plan that you could cash out if they valued it at less than a certain sizable amount. I can sort of see why they did it, as that ex-employer kept trying to get me to cash out the pension I have earned when I left. It's hard to resist having that much money . . . equivalent to a few months of pay . . .  dangled in your face all at once. I said "no thanks, please just leave the pension in place," and then they pestered me several times afterwards by sending me letters. . . "looky, looky! Tens of thousands of dollars you can have RIGHT NOW! Why wait?! This is a limited time offer. Here are some ideas of what you could do: buy a car, buy a house, pay down debt. Don't you want a nice new car? If you don't cash out by X date, then you'll be stuck waiting for retirement age!"

Just their corporate enthusiasm for me cashing out made me skeptical. So, after making sure it was guaranteed and locked up tight legally so it won't be raided, I ran the numbers. Even giving myself generous market returns on the lump sum with reinvestment of returns in my spreadsheet, I discovered cashing out the pension was a terrible deal on paper. I did swap the employer stock in their 401K into index funds in my IRA.

So, no thanks, please just keep me and my little pension in your system. Once I hit 65 you can pay it until I die and, even after inflation, I'll always at least have the pension for grocery money. And even if I die before I can collect for the 5 year minimum of payments, my heirs still get it, and I will make sure that they know that it exists because it's all documented in my estate planning binder.

LennStar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3143 on: August 20, 2021, 11:46:52 AM »

Used it to pay off higher interest debt for the most part - pay off credit cards, pay off cars, personal loans for things like furniture, a hot tub, etc.
Loans for furniture is one thing I simply can't understand. If you don't have the money, just get some used. They often look like new and you get them for basically nothing. Not to mention that you can go quite well for a few month without until furniture until you have the money.

Well, I guess for people who don't undertand the concept of saving, that would not work either.

pachnik

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3144 on: August 20, 2021, 11:50:20 AM »
With regard to the post above by Zamboni about the guy who worked for the brother.  2 Lexus's and a Ford pick-up and $500.00 as their life savings in their mid-60's.  This has to be one of the saddest situations I've seen on this thread.

Same, I kept cringing more and more as I read...

But the mill has a 401k match and dental plan! We are all being too negative: I'm sure it will work out for him.

How much you want to bet that he doesn't even put in any 401K employee contribution and therefore doesn't get the employer match?  I mean this guy has had jobs with those kind of benefits before . . . but yet no money . . . because "the bills".

It's sad. I've watched so many former colleagues "cash out" their retirement funds when they changed jobs. One of the places I worked pretty much everyone announced they were going to take the money as a lump sum and run when they left. Everyone always seemed really please to tell us all about it during their last two weeks. They had employer match as private stock for the 401K and also a separate pension plan that you could cash out if they valued it at less than a certain sizable amount. I can sort of see why they did it, as that ex-employer kept trying to get me to cash out the pension I have earned when I left. It's hard to resist having that much money . . . equivalent to a few months of pay . . .  dangled in your face all at once. I said "no thanks, please just leave the pension in place," and then they pestered me several times afterwards by sending me letters. . . "looky, looky! Tens of thousands of dollars you can have RIGHT NOW! Why wait?! This is a limited time offer. Here are some ideas of what you could do: buy a car, buy a house, pay down debt. Don't you want a nice new car? If you don't cash out by X date, then you'll be stuck waiting for retirement age!"

Just their corporate enthusiasm for me cashing out made me skeptical. So, after making sure it was guaranteed and locked up tight legally so it won't be raided, I ran the numbers. Even giving myself generous market returns on the lump sum with reinvestment of returns in my spreadsheet, I discovered cashing out the pension was a terrible deal on paper. I did swap the employer stock in their 401K into index funds in my IRA.

So, no thanks, please just keep me and my little pension in your system. Once I hit 65 you can pay it until I die and, even after inflation, I'll always at least have the pension for grocery money. And even if I die before I can collect for the 5 year minimum of payments, my heirs still get it, and I will make sure that they know that it exists because it's all documented in my estate planning binder.

Zamboni, your description of how hard your former company pushed you to cash out your pension is really bad.  I can see people being tempted to do it.  ugh...


Steeze

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3145 on: August 20, 2021, 11:50:27 AM »

Used it to pay off higher interest debt for the most part - pay off credit cards, pay off cars, personal loans for things like furniture, a hot tub, etc.
Loans for furniture is one thing I simply can't understand. If you don't have the money, just get some used. They often look like new and you get them for basically nothing. Not to mention that you can go quite well for a few month without until furniture until you have the money.

Well, I guess for people who don't undertand the concept of saving, that would not work either.

Yeah - last time they went shopping for a new mattress they came home with $10,000 worth of stuff on loan. Top of the line Temperpedic, motorized frame, motorized couch with LED lights, USB ports, and all that junk. Its sad really.

Christof

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3146 on: August 20, 2021, 04:50:13 PM »

Used it to pay off higher interest debt for the most part - pay off credit cards, pay off cars, personal loans for things like furniture, a hot tub, etc.
Loans for furniture is one thing I simply can't understand. If you don't have the money, just get some used. They often look like new and you get them for basically nothing. Not to mention that you can go quite well for a few month without until furniture until you have the money.

Well, I guess for people who don't undertand the concept of saving, that would not work either.

Decades ago it wasn‘t as obvious how cheap used furniture is, so my first kitchen furniture consisted of card board for two years.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3147 on: August 20, 2021, 06:49:15 PM »

Used it to pay off higher interest debt for the most part - pay off credit cards, pay off cars, personal loans for things like furniture, a hot tub, etc.
Loans for furniture is one thing I simply can't understand. If you don't have the money, just get some used. They often look like new and you get them for basically nothing. Not to mention that you can go quite well for a few month without until furniture until you have the money.

Well, I guess for people who don't undertand the concept of saving, that would not work either.

I’ve taken advantage of several 0% offers for furniture.  If you were already buying the furniture its free money

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3148 on: August 23, 2021, 05:48:02 AM »

Used it to pay off higher interest debt for the most part - pay off credit cards, pay off cars, personal loans for things like furniture, a hot tub, etc.
Loans for furniture is one thing I simply can't understand. If you don't have the money, just get some used. They often look like new and you get them for basically nothing. Not to mention that you can go quite well for a few month without until furniture until you have the money.

Well, I guess for people who don't undertand the concept of saving, that would not work either.

I’ve taken advantage of several 0% offers for furniture.  If you were already buying the furniture its free money


As long as you're organized enough to pay it off before the no-interest period kicks in.  I was looking at furniture recently and figured out that the easy payment plan they wanted to set up doesn't actually pay off the loan in time and all the accrued interest would kick in.  This seems to be fairly common in the furniture financing realm.

My brother also has the high end bed, with payments to go with it.  Plus a vacuum cleaner payment.  And I'm pretty sure he's still paying for his wife's engagement ring.  And a second mortgage taken out for renovations on the house.  He definitely fell into the trap of thinking that if you can afford the payments you can afford the toy.  Until he couldn't make the payments.  That's why he's back at home with mom and dad.  And still buying toys.

Steeze

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3149 on: August 23, 2021, 10:42:26 AM »

Used it to pay off higher interest debt for the most part - pay off credit cards, pay off cars, personal loans for things like furniture, a hot tub, etc.
Loans for furniture is one thing I simply can't understand. If you don't have the money, just get some used. They often look like new and you get them for basically nothing. Not to mention that you can go quite well for a few month without until furniture until you have the money.

Well, I guess for people who don't undertand the concept of saving, that would not work either.

I’ve taken advantage of several 0% offers for furniture.  If you were already buying the furniture its free money


As long as you're organized enough to pay it off before the no-interest period kicks in.  I was looking at furniture recently and figured out that the easy payment plan they wanted to set up doesn't actually pay off the loan in time and all the accrued interest would kick in.  This seems to be fairly common in the furniture financing realm.

My brother also has the high end bed, with payments to go with it.  Plus a vacuum cleaner payment.  And I'm pretty sure he's still paying for his wife's engagement ring.  And a second mortgage taken out for renovations on the house.  He definitely fell into the trap of thinking that if you can afford the payments you can afford the toy.  Until he couldn't make the payments.  That's why he's back at home with mom and dad.  And still buying toys.

A friend of mine is a big spender / flashy type of guy new truck, BMW, boat, etc. etc. All debt payments. He told me once that crushing debt payments motivate him to be better salesman. So... if you are bored at work, consider getting a big loan on something that depreciates quickly. Nothing like pending doom to keep you motivated.