Overheard at Work 2

[DadJokes]

I keep most important stuff on Google Drive, but my financial spreadsheets are all on a thumb drive, since Google Sheets doesn't do the charts the same way Excel does, and I don't want to update the charts in both places. I would be so very upset if that thumb drive broke.

Literally, as I was typing that, my son reached for the thumb drive that's currently sticking out of my laptop...

@DadJokes:  You know you can copy your Excel files to Google Drive?  Just create a MyExcelFiles folder and copy them there whenever the spreadsheets are edited.

Even better, get a free DropBox account and have everything significant stored there, so you don't have to remember to copy to Google Drive after edits.

Please tell us that you've done this (or something similar) in your next post!

I decided just to bite the bullet and use the spreadsheet on Google Sheets instead of Excel. It requires more work to keep my charts updated, but I guess that's the price you pay.

[Just Joe]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

[Sugaree]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time. 

[Kitsune]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

[Sugaree]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

In this case, he was looking to get closer to "home" and was on the priority placement list.  He's since taken a job that's even closer to where he lives and lets him telework 3 days a week.  But there are still quite a few people that commute that far every day.  The vanpool helps, especially since work pays for it, but ouch. 

[DadJokes]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

In this case, he was looking to get closer to "home" and was on the priority placement list.  He's since taken a job that's even closer to where he lives and lets him telework 3 days a week.  But there are still quite a few people that commute that far every day.  The vanpool helps, especially since work pays for it, but ouch.

I have friends that commute 90 minutes each way. I have no idea how they bear it. My commute is an hour each way, but that's on a train, where I can do all the same things I would do at home (sleep, read, mindlessly play on my phone).

[Kitsune]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

In this case, he was looking to get closer to "home" and was on the priority placement list.  He's since taken a job that's even closer to where he lives and lets him telework 3 days a week.  But there are still quite a few people that commute that far every day.  The vanpool helps, especially since work pays for it, but ouch.

I have friends that commute 90 minutes each way. I have no idea how they bear it. My commute is an hour each way, but that's on a train, where I can do all the same things I would do at home (sleep, read, mindlessly play on my phone).

Yeah, I have a similar commute, and it is ONLY bearable because we all get in one car and then my husband and I get the kids to daycare/school and then get to talk together (while not absolutely exhausted) before picking up the kids again. It's a nice non-exhausted adults-only discussion time.

... that said, even then, it's only bearable because the location we're in is where we want to be long-term, with family around (essentially: we leave for work/school and no other reason), and it REALLY matters to my partner. Relationship compromise, let's say. I'm still not pleased about needing to commute at all, but it's the price to pay for other advantages.

Commuting sucks enough that I really think it needs to be evaluated. Sometimes it's the right choice, but maaaaaan, you gotta be convinced.

[Dragonswan]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

Yes, yes I have. Worth it. I'm in firehouse territory. Plus I take the train and it's only 3 days a week in the office so, could be worse.

[ysette9]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

In this case, he was looking to get closer to "home" and was on the priority placement list.  He's since taken a job that's even closer to where he lives and lets him telework 3 days a week.  But there are still quite a few people that commute that far every day.  The vanpool helps, especially since work pays for it, but ouch.

I have friends that commute 90 minutes each way. I have no idea how they bear it. My commute is an hour each way, but that's on a train, where I can do all the same things I would do at home (sleep, read, mindlessly play on my phone).

Yeah, I have a similar commute, and it is ONLY bearable because we all get in one car and then my husband and I get the kids to daycare/school and then get to talk together (while not absolutely exhausted) before picking up the kids again. It's a nice non-exhausted adults-only discussion time.

... that said, even then, it's only bearable because the location we're in is where we want to be long-term, with family around (essentially: we leave for work/school and no other reason), and it REALLY matters to my partner. Relationship compromise, let's say. I'm still not pleased about needing to commute at all, but it's the price to pay for other advantages.

Commuting sucks enough that I really think it needs to be evaluated. Sometimes it's the right choice, but maaaaaan, you gotta be convinced.

Commuting with your spouse is certainly a step-function improvement over solo. I had the pleasure for a short while early on in our careers and it was great. That uninterrupted time where no one could be on a phone and we had to actually talk to each other was golden. :)

[SwordGuy]

Commuting with your spouse is certainly a step-function improvement over solo. I had the pleasure for a short while early on in our careers and it was great. That uninterrupted time where no one could be on a phone and we had to actually talk to each other was golden. :)

I guess I'm lucky and I actually enjoy my wife's company and conversation.   Or maybe I'm just sensible and didn't marry the ones I didn't enjoy talking to... :)

Had one couple where I last worked that worked the same hours at the same location for the same employer.   Each drove separately in their own gas-guzzling truck.   

[Kitsune]

Commuting with your spouse is certainly a step-function improvement over solo. I had the pleasure for a short while early on in our careers and it was great. That uninterrupted time where no one could be on a phone and we had to actually talk to each other was golden. :)

I guess I'm lucky and I actually enjoy my wife's company and conversation.   Or maybe I'm just sensible and didn't marry the ones I didn't enjoy talking too... :)

Had one couple where I last worked that worked the same hours at the same location for the same employer.   Each drove separately in their own gas-guzzling truck.

Some of my colleagues do that and I just... do not understand.

I married this dude because I like being around him. In bed, outside of bed, he's my person, y'know? So I WANT to chat with him, and listen to audiobooks with him, and hash things out to make sure that they get fixed (and honestly, we're WAY better at hashing things out while well-rested at 8am than we ware when exhausted at 10pm - pro tip, only bring up relationship issues when you've got the energy to find a solution!), and talk about what we're in the mood to eat for dinner, and generally... be together.

If I didn't want that, then why be married? What am I missing?

[ysette9]

Commuting with your spouse is certainly a step-function improvement over solo. I had the pleasure for a short while early on in our careers and it was great. That uninterrupted time where no one could be on a phone and we had to actually talk to each other was golden. :)

I guess I'm lucky and I actually enjoy my wife's company and conversation.   Or maybe I'm just sensible and didn't marry the ones I didn't enjoy talking to... :)

Had one couple where I last worked that worked the same hours at the same location for the same employer.   Each drove separately in their own gas-guzzling truck.

How sad. I agree that it doesn’t make sense to bother marrying someone you don’t even like talking to.

[Jim Fiction]

At a recent company-sponsored lunch with coworkers, the topic of our pay frequency popped up. We are salaried and get paid once per month, on the 1st of the month. We are essentially paid in advance for the entire upcoming month. Many of my coworkers do not like this setup and wish we were paid more frequently, which is absolutely mind boggling to me. Their reasoning? It would be easier to stretch the money out if they received it in chunks throughout the month. We are literally receiving an entire month's salary up front before doing a minute of work - just learn to budget better!

[SwordGuy]

At a recent company-sponsored lunch with coworkers, the topic of our pay frequency popped up. We are salaried and get paid once per month, on the 1st of the month. We are essentially paid in advance for the entire upcoming month. Many of my coworkers do not like this setup and wish we were paid more frequently, which is absolutely mind boggling to me. Their reasoning? It would be easier to stretch the money out if they received it in chunks throughout the month. We are literally receiving an entire month's salary up front before doing a minute of work - just learn to budget better!

Are you positive about that?

Because the usual way to do it is to pay for the prior month's work, not the next month's work.

If you quit on the 5th of the month and they owe you money, you're being paid for last month.  If you owe them money, you're being paid for next month.

Frankly, only a moron of an employer would volunteer to pay people before they did the work.

[partgypsy]

That is correct. Try to remember way back when, starting the job, having to wait for that first paycheck.

[dragoncar]

That is correct. Try to remember way back when, starting the job, having to wait for that first paycheck.

If unsure the paycheck will tell you which dates it is covering.  I agree it’s far more common to be paid 1-2 weeks AFTER the pay period ends (eg you get paid for weeks 1-2 on Friday of week 3) but I’m sure there are rare employees out there that will front the cash

[Jim Fiction]

At a recent company-sponsored lunch with coworkers, the topic of our pay frequency popped up. We are salaried and get paid once per month, on the 1st of the month. We are essentially paid in advance for the entire upcoming month. Many of my coworkers do not like this setup and wish we were paid more frequently, which is absolutely mind boggling to me. Their reasoning? It would be easier to stretch the money out if they received it in chunks throughout the month. We are literally receiving an entire month's salary up front before doing a minute of work - just learn to budget better!

Are you positive about that?

Because the usual way to do it is to pay for the prior month's work, not the next month's work.

If you quit on the 5th of the month and they owe you money, you're being paid for last month.  If you owe them money, you're being paid for next month.

Frankly, only a moron of an employer would volunteer to pay people before they did the work.

100% positive. I hadn't heard of anything like it before. Making things even odder is that throughout the recruitment process the payroll period mentioned was once a month on the 15th, it was even the stated date in the terms of my offer letter. But when I started my boss let me know that was inaccurate and my pay date was actually the 1st.

I've only been with the company for a year - I started last August on the last Monday of the month. When I was paid the first week of September, I unexpectedly received two checks. One for a week's pay in August  and the other for the entire month of September. I fully assumed to get August's pay in September and September's pay in October, so I was pleasantly surprised to receive the second check. So surprised that I actually I asked about it to make sure it was correct and was told that it was the norm. It is just how the company's pay periods are structured.

Those coworkers opposed did acknowledge the fact they were getting paid up front, but in spite of this still wanted more frequent paychecks for the aforementioned rationale.

That is correct. Try to remember way back when, starting the job, having to wait for that first paycheck.

That was fully my assumption when I first started, but as mentioned in my reply to SwordGuy turned out to not be the case.

That is correct. Try to remember way back when, starting the job, having to wait for that first paycheck.

If unsure the paycheck will tell you which dates it is covering.  I agree it’s far more common to be paid 1-2 weeks AFTER the pay period ends (eg you get paid for weeks 1-2 on Friday of week 3) but I’m sure there are rare employees out there that will front the cash

Yup. Logged on to our payroll provider check my most recent paystub:

Period Beginning: 9/01/2019
Period Ending: 09/30/2019
Pay Date: 09/03/2019*

*Was actually posted to my accounts on 8/31.

[SwordGuy]

At a recent company-sponsored lunch with coworkers, the topic of our pay frequency popped up. We are salaried and get paid once per month, on the 1st of the month. We are essentially paid in advance for the entire upcoming month. Many of my coworkers do not like this setup and wish we were paid more frequently, which is absolutely mind boggling to me. Their reasoning? It would be easier to stretch the money out if they received it in chunks throughout the month. We are literally receiving an entire month's salary up front before doing a minute of work - just learn to budget better!

Are you positive about that?

Because the usual way to do it is to pay for the prior month's work, not the next month's work.

If you quit on the 5th of the month and they owe you money, you're being paid for last month.  If you owe them money, you're being paid for next month.

Frankly, only a moron of an employer would volunteer to pay people before they did the work.

100% positive. I hadn't heard of anything like it before. Making things even odder is that throughout the recruitment process the payroll period mentioned was once a month on the 15th, it was even the stated date in the terms of my offer letter. But when I started my boss let me know that was inaccurate and my pay date was actually the 1st.

I've only been with the company for a year - I started last August on the last Monday of the month. When I was paid the first week of September, I unexpectedly received two checks. One for a week's pay in August  and the other for the entire month of September. I fully assumed to get August's pay in September and September's pay in October, so I was pleasantly surprised to receive the second check. So surprised that I actually I asked about it to make sure it was correct and was told that it was the norm. It is just how the company's pay periods are structured.

Those coworkers opposed did acknowledge the fact they were getting paid up front, but in spite of this still wanted more frequent paychecks for the aforementioned rationale.

That is correct. Try to remember way back when, starting the job, having to wait for that first paycheck.

That was fully my assumption when I first started, but as mentioned in my reply to SwordGuy turned out to not be the case.

That is correct. Try to remember way back when, starting the job, having to wait for that first paycheck.

If unsure the paycheck will tell you which dates it is covering.  I agree it’s far more common to be paid 1-2 weeks AFTER the pay period ends (eg you get paid for weeks 1-2 on Friday of week 3) but I’m sure there are rare employees out there that will front the cash

Yup. Logged on to our payroll provider check my most recent paystub:

Period Beginning: 9/01/2019
Period Ending: 09/30/2019
Pay Date: 09/03/2019*

*Was actually posted to my accounts on 8/31.

Wow!      Of course, if they are that bad at their finances, they probably can't afford to leave because they would have to pay the boss man back and wait an extra month until the next job paid them.

Maybe boss man is brilliant after all. :)

[Linea_Norway]

Not a worst case, but heard today from a male coworker.
"my wife makes a list of requirement for the new car. I find a car that fits the requirements. My wife has the final word to say yes or no. I found a Subaru, but my wife doesn't want it, because os looks or so. I would rather have continued to drive our old car. "

[Goldielocks]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

90 minute commutes really, really suck.  I know.   My (former) work was only a 35 min drive on sundays, but 90 min because of traffic.  It used to be nly 50 minutes (a tie for transit or car travel in time) when I started.  We chose it because family was within 10 minutes and it was exceptionally hard to find condos with 4 bedrooms (for reasons) closer.

It is one of the reasons that I no longer work (there).  I would rather take a 85% pay cut and work PT/ FIRE from home.

Our place was not way out in the sticks.  Google says that the time to cycle the 20 miles is 1hr 50min.  It is very possible to make good home choices for your family and then get suckered with a bad commute within 10 years.

[Just Joe]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

In this case, he was looking to get closer to "home" and was on the priority placement list.  He's since taken a job that's even closer to where he lives and lets him telework 3 days a week.  But there are still quite a few people that commute that far every day.  The vanpool helps, especially since work pays for it, but ouch.

I talked to a fellow that drove 1000 miles per week to work and back for the past several months... He is young and enthusiastic but even he said there was a limit to how long he'd do that kind of commute.

[mm1970]

Commuting with your spouse is certainly a step-function improvement over solo. I had the pleasure for a short while early on in our careers and it was great. That uninterrupted time where no one could be on a phone and we had to actually talk to each other was golden. :)

I guess I'm lucky and I actually enjoy my wife's company and conversation.   Or maybe I'm just sensible and didn't marry the ones I didn't enjoy talking too... :)

Had one couple where I last worked that worked the same hours at the same location for the same employer.   Each drove separately in their own gas-guzzling truck.

Some of my colleagues do that and I just... do not understand.

I married this dude because I like being around him. In bed, outside of bed, he's my person, y'know? So I WANT to chat with him, and listen to audiobooks with him, and hash things out to make sure that they get fixed (and honestly, we're WAY better at hashing things out while well-rested at 8am than we ware when exhausted at 10pm - pro tip, only bring up relationship issues when you've got the energy to find a solution!), and talk about what we're in the mood to eat for dinner, and generally... be together.

If I didn't want that, then why be married? What am I missing?

Ah yes, it is so hard.  We never talk anymore.  Two kids, two jobs.  We had kids late so they are a metric ton of work.  And then I'm a lark and he's a night owl.  When we get a chance, we sneak out to have a lunch date on the weekends or SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER at the neighborhood potluck.  Glorious.

[ysette9]

That sounds very familiar. We added a third to the mess so we are very much two relay runners handing a baton off to the other at the moment. One of the big reasons I look forward to FI so much.

[Kitsune]

Commuting with your spouse is certainly a step-function improvement over solo. I had the pleasure for a short while early on in our careers and it was great. That uninterrupted time where no one could be on a phone and we had to actually talk to each other was golden. :)

I guess I'm lucky and I actually enjoy my wife's company and conversation.   Or maybe I'm just sensible and didn't marry the ones I didn't enjoy talking too... :)

Had one couple where I last worked that worked the same hours at the same location for the same employer.   Each drove separately in their own gas-guzzling truck.

Some of my colleagues do that and I just... do not understand.

I married this dude because I like being around him. In bed, outside of bed, he's my person, y'know? So I WANT to chat with him, and listen to audiobooks with him, and hash things out to make sure that they get fixed (and honestly, we're WAY better at hashing things out while well-rested at 8am than we ware when exhausted at 10pm - pro tip, only bring up relationship issues when you've got the energy to find a solution!), and talk about what we're in the mood to eat for dinner, and generally... be together.

If I didn't want that, then why be married? What am I missing?

Ah yes, it is so hard.  We never talk anymore.  Two kids, two jobs.  We had kids late so they are a metric ton of work.  And then I'm a lark and he's a night owl.  When we get a chance, we sneak out to have a lunch date on the weekends or SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER at the neighborhood potluck.  Glorious.

Yeah, we're also at the 2 (soon 3) kids, 2 jobs juggling act. If we didn't commute together, we might talk to each other (without the kids) for 10 minutes a day. I'll take my time where I find it, and if it's while commuting, then ok!

[DeniseNJ]

That sounds very familiar. We added a third to the mess so we are very much two relay runners handing a baton off to the other at the moment. One of the big reasons I look forward to FI so much.

I thought you meant a third partner!  (Not that there's anything wrong with that. . .)

[ysette9]

That sounds very familiar. We added a third to the mess so we are very much two relay runners handing a baton off to the other at the moment. One of the big reasons I look forward to FI so much.

I thought you meant a third partner!  (Not that there's anything wrong with that. . .)

Now which would complicate life further: a third kid or a third partner? Hmmm

[Kitsune]

That sounds very familiar. We added a third to the mess so we are very much two relay runners handing a baton off to the other at the moment. One of the big reasons I look forward to FI so much.

I thought you meant a third partner!  (Not that there's anything wrong with that. . .)

Now which would complicate life further: a third kid or a third partner? Hmmm

I have friends who are 3 people raising a kid together, and frankly, that looks like a GREAT adult/kid ratio.

[economista]

Choose a smaller town. Ten minutes out of town and you're in the boonies.

A 90 minute commute would take some folks into the next state... I can't imagine doing that daily - especially morning and night!

This! When I bought my last house it was a 45 minute drive to work, or an hour or so on a really bad day with an accident or snow. A year and a half later (after a ridiculous amount of people moved to this state) it was taking an hour and a half each way minimum, and up to 2+ hours if there was an accident or snow. I sold my house after living there less than 2 years because that drive was insane. Last weekend we went on a road trip and had to drive through the old city. It took me over 2 hours to get to the northern edge of that city and 2.5 to get to the exit I used to get off at to go home. It’s about 4 years since I originally bought that house. Thank the Lord I was financially able to move when things started getting ridiculous

*I also only had to commute into the office 1 or 2 days per week, so the original 45 minute drive wasn’t so bad.

I worked with a guy for awhile that had a 90 or so minute commute.  Not only did he cross state lines, he crossed the time line.  He said it was okay in the morning because we're an hour behind his house (and he was on a vanpool that let him sleep on the way to work most days), but that the afternoons were a killer because he wasn't getting home until nearly 7:00 his time.

90 minutes is 3 hours a day, omg. I wonder if people who do that have compared their hourly wages for 8hr days close to home vs 11hr days 90 minutes from home...

90 minute commutes really, really suck.  I know.   My (former) work was only a 35 min drive on sundays, but 90 min because of traffic.  It used to be nly 50 minutes (a tie for transit or car travel in time) when I started.  We chose it because family was within 10 minutes and it was exceptionally hard to find condos with 4 bedrooms (for reasons) closer.

It is one of the reasons that I no longer work (there).  I would rather take a 85% pay cut and work PT/ FIRE from home.

Our place was not way out in the sticks.  Google says that the time to cycle the 20 miles is 1hr 50min.  It is very possible to make good home choices for your family and then get suckered with a bad commute within 10 years.

[FireHiker]

I married this dude because I like being around him. In bed, outside of bed, he's my person, y'know? So I WANT to chat with him, and listen to audiobooks with him, and hash things out to make sure that they get fixed (and honestly, we're WAY better at hashing things out while well-rested at 8am than we ware when exhausted at 10pm - pro tip, only bring up relationship issues when you've got the energy to find a solution!), and talk about what we're in the mood to eat for dinner, and generally... be together.

If I didn't want that, then why be married? What am I missing?

I totally understand you!! My husband and I work together, walk the kids to and from school together, go to lunch (usually home or errands) almost every day together unless a meeting or exercise class interferes, commute together (all of 1 mile now but we drive so we can run home at lunch to spend more time with the dog most days), because we enjoy one another's company. Also, our primary love language for both of us is quality time.

Oh work. Nothing new specifically overheard recently, just some observed sadness with two co-workers who really need to take some time off for family reasons and can't afford to. It makes me sad and very resolved to not ever be in that position. We are just a couple years away from FI now...feeling more motivated than ever to get there.

[insufFIcientfunds]

I married this dude because I like being around him. In bed, outside of bed, he's my person, y'know? So I WANT to chat with him, and listen to audiobooks with him, and hash things out to make sure that they get fixed (and honestly, we're WAY better at hashing things out while well-rested at 8am than we ware when exhausted at 10pm - pro tip, only bring up relationship issues when you've got the energy to find a solution!), and talk about what we're in the mood to eat for dinner, and generally... be together.

If I didn't want that, then why be married? What am I missing?

I totally understand you!! My husband and I work together, walk the kids to and from school together, go to lunch (usually home or errands) almost every day together unless a meeting or exercise class interferes, commute together (all of 1 mile now but we drive so we can run home at lunch to spend more time with the dog most days), because we enjoy one another's company. Also, our primary love language for both of us is quality time.

Oh work. Nothing new specifically overheard recently, just some observed sadness with two co-workers who really need to take some time off for family reasons and can't afford to. It makes me sad and very resolved to not ever be in that position. We are just a couple years away from FI now...feeling more motivated than ever to get there.

My wife got a job on the base I work at and will be a 5 minute walk from my desk to her (two blocks.) She starts soon. I can't wait until she gets settled. Lots of lunches/walks/IM on the computer, etc. I'm not a helicopter husband and neither is she, but she's great and I could hang out with her all day.

I overhear at work people bitch about their spouse ALL the time. I had a CW say one time "I have never heard you say one bad thing about your wife."

Like why would I?

[ysette9]

At one point my boss gave me a high five when I described my husband as a better person than me. Like I’m going to say bad things about him at work...

[SwordGuy]

At one point my boss gave me a high five when I described my husband as a better person than me. Like I’m going to say bad things about him at work...

Quite a few people do...

Once had a co-worker who commented to me that he had never heard me say even one thing that was not positive about my wife.   Sad that's considered unusual.

[techwiz]

At a previous job I had a co-worker who's husband would always talk about his wife's appearance in a negative way (fat, ugly etc...). 

In fact she was rather a very good looking woman.... and she was in on the joke since he does this all the time with new people he meets. 

During his office's Christmas party he brings his wife and all his co-workers think he is cheating on his wife and had brought another woman. When he introduces her as his real wife they all give comments on how beautiful she is. 

I guess he got a kick out of seeing all the expressions on everyone faces....

[Kitsune]

At one point my boss gave me a high five when I described my husband as a better person than me. Like I’m going to say bad things about him at work...

Quite a few people do...

Once had a co-worker who commented to me that he had never heard me say even one thing that was not positive about my wife.   Sad that's considered unusual.

If you expect people's conversations about their spouses to reflect the reality of their relationships, listening to lunchroom conversations around here is a reason to stay single.

[mm1970]

That sounds very familiar. We added a third to the mess so we are very much two relay runners handing a baton off to the other at the moment. One of the big reasons I look forward to FI so much.

Man, school just started a few weeks ago.  Lots of work, lots of homework, and I'm halfway through week 2 of my husband traveling out of town for 3 straight weeks.  I'm usually pretty functional, but on top of all that, my favorite small class gym closed down and I'm feeling a bit isolated.

First night he called this week I just said "I cannot talk to you right now" and hung up.

This morning, on the way to work, an old and sappy song came on my iPod and I literally teared up and had an overwhelming desire to just dig my nose into his chest hair.  But he's gone for 2 more days and is leaving again on Monday.  Sigh.

[horsepoor]

I finally called out a male co-worker the other day (in a semi-jokey way) on how he impersonates his wife at work.  He makes her sound like she's pissed off about everything all the time.  I've met her and can't imagine that she's like that at home.  It will be interesting to see if he keeps it up.  The trope about women being bitchy because they have any type of opinion is just so tiring.

[Montecarlo]

I finally called out a male co-worker the other day (in a semi-jokey way) on how he impersonates his wife at work.  He makes her sound like she's pissed off about everything all the time.  I've met her and can't imagine that she's like that at home.  It will be interesting to see if he keeps it up.  The trope about women being bitchy because they have any type of opinion is just so tiring.

You don’t have to be a bitch about it

[horsepoor]

You don’t have to be a bitch about it

Oh I can't help it with my raging lady hormones and all.

[Just Joe]

I finally called out a male co-worker the other day (in a semi-jokey way) on how he impersonates his wife at work.  He makes her sound like she's pissed off about everything all the time.  I've met her and can't imagine that she's like that at home.  It will be interesting to see if he keeps it up.  The trope about women being bitchy because they have any type of opinion is just so tiring.

Then there is the other extreme.

DW tells me about a couple where online one spouse gushes about the other. In real life same spouse complains rather than gushes. We know they struggle with their relationship.

Feuding seems like so much work compared to just getting along.

Commuting: DW and I carpool. Love the few minutes we get alone together (short drive). Occasionally also do lunch when one of us isn't pre-occupied with work duties. Our lunch dates can be better than dinner dates. 

[Goldielocks]

I finally called out a male co-worker the other day (in a semi-jokey way) on how he impersonates his wife at work.  He makes her sound like she's pissed off about everything all the time.  I've met her and can't imagine that she's like that at home.  It will be interesting to see if he keeps it up.  The trope about women being bitchy because they have any type of opinion is just so tiring.

Then there is the other extreme.

DW tells me about a couple where online one spouse gushes about the other. In real life same spouse complains rather than gushes. We know they struggle with their relationship.

Feuding seems like so much work compared to just getting along.

Commuting: DW and I carpool. Love the few minutes we get alone together (short drive). Occasionally also do lunch when one of us isn't pre-occupied with work duties. Our lunch dates can be better than dinner dates.

Very sad... I have noticed that online posts that gush about "the love of my life" ... especially where there wasn't a lot of that for the 2 years previous... tend to prelude a breakup.   

It's like one last hurrah to try to convince yourself that the marriage is good, the spouse is a great person for you, etc.

[Trekkiekins]

Last week, one of my coworkers excitedly told me over lunch that she had discovered 401k loans. She asked if I realized that was possible, acting like it was the best news ever. I mean yeah, I did know about 401k loans before then. She went on to tell me what a better deal it was to just pay herself back than pay high interest on her many maxed out credit cards, and how she planned to take another 401k loan in the future to use as a house downpayment since she surely could never save up that much money. I felt bad for her but remembered the many times she has spent ~$20 for lunch multiple times per week and all of the local restaurants and food trucks know her on sight.

[SwordGuy]

Last week, one of my coworkers excitedly told me over lunch that she had discovered 401k loans. She asked if I realized that was possible, acting like it was the best news ever. I mean yeah, I did know about 401k loans before then. She went on to tell me what a better deal it was to just pay herself back than pay high interest on her many maxed out credit cards, and how she planned to take another 401k loan in the future to use as a house downpayment since she surely could never save up that much money. I felt bad for her but remembered the many times she has spent ~$20 for lunch multiple times per week and all of the local restaurants and food trucks know her on sight.

And after she quits her job for another one, or gets laid off from this one, you'll hear a tale of woe and misery.  "What?  I have to pay it back right away?   Or pay a huge tax penalty?    How was I to know?!"

Is that what you expect, too?

[Imma]

I finally called out a male co-worker the other day (in a semi-jokey way) on how he impersonates his wife at work.  He makes her sound like she's pissed off about everything all the time.  I've met her and can't imagine that she's like that at home.  It will be interesting to see if he keeps it up.  The trope about women being bitchy because they have any type of opinion is just so tiring.

Then there is the other extreme.

DW tells me about a couple where online one spouse gushes about the other. In real life same spouse complains rather than gushes. We know they struggle with their relationship.

Feuding seems like so much work compared to just getting along.

Commuting: DW and I carpool. Love the few minutes we get alone together (short drive). Occasionally also do lunch when one of us isn't pre-occupied with work duties. Our lunch dates can be better than dinner dates.

Very sad... I have noticed that online posts that gush about "the love of my life" ... especially where there wasn't a lot of that for the 2 years previous... tend to prelude a breakup.   

It's like one last hurrah to try to convince yourself that the marriage is good, the spouse is a great person for you, etc.

I remember being on a short and awkward trip with a couple and they kept fighting all the time, really awkward 'I'm not getting out of the bathroom because I'm mad at you'-type of fights. They hadn't talked to each other irl for at least an hour and then she posted something like 'happy anniversary babe <3 <3 <3 love you forever' and an old, very sloppy romantic picture of them together. I think they broke up within 2 weeks of that trip.

[Hula Hoop]

I agree with that theory about online gushy couples breaking up.  I know at least 3 now divorced couples who used to gush all the time on FB about how great the other spouse was and post photos of their spouse and saying how gorgeous they were.  Couple of months later - divorce. 

[LennStar]

I agree with that theory about online gushy couples breaking up.  I know at least 3 now divorced couples who used to gush all the time on FB about how great the other spouse was and post photos of their spouse and saying how gorgeous they were.  Couple of months later - divorce.

Sometimes I am a cynic.

In such a mode I suspect that behavior is a try to "sell" their partner to someone else so that they have a "he was cheating" reason.

[Retire with Wings]

Guy walks into my office with a delivery, chats up front desk people.

"Just spent too much on a bunch of barbie stuff for my girl - nothing too good for her"

My comment from across the room "I agree - just bought another share of Mattel stock for my girl."

[LennStar]

Wow that was a wonderful dropkick there!
I hope you like your tea saltet.

[msministache]

Posting to follow

[J.R. Ewing]

Just remembered a story from the go-go days of 2007.  A new hire engineer, we'll call her "Wendy", had been with our team since January.  It was August and she was going to take her first week vacation since starting work as a paid adult.  The conversation went a little something like this:

Wendy: "I'm leaving for vacation on Saturday.  Eight days in Paris and Brussels."
Me: "That's fantastic.  I'm a lover of travel too, and ..."
Wendy: "And now that I have a job, I don't have to slum it in economy any more."
Me: "Well just because you're working doesn't..."
Wendy: "We're booked in XYZ hotel too.  Look at the pictures online."
Me: "Wow, that's like a block from the Louvre.  Are those antiques in the room?  Is this a honeymoon or graduation present?"  (Don't remember the exact hotel, but it was like $450 / night.)
Wendy: "No just vacation.  I want to go to London and Oxford in the fall too."

My back of the envelope calculation told me this gal and her friend were taking $4500/person vacations (not including dining, activities, or shopping) right out of college multiple times a year.  With those things it was probably closer to $7000.  I was floored. 

[saguaro]

Last week, one of my coworkers excitedly told me over lunch that she had discovered 401k loans. She asked if I realized that was possible, acting like it was the best news ever. I mean yeah, I did know about 401k loans before then. She went on to tell me what a better deal it was to just pay herself back than pay high interest on her many maxed out credit cards, and how she planned to take another 401k loan in the future to use as a house downpayment since she surely could never save up that much money. I felt bad for her but remembered the many times she has spent ~$20 for lunch multiple times per week and all of the local restaurants and food trucks know her on sight.

And after she quits her job for another one, or gets laid off from this one, you'll hear a tale of woe and misery.  "What?  I have to pay it back right away?   Or pay a huge tax penalty?    How was I to know?!"

Is that what you expect, too?

Yep, had a coworker who took out a loan to buy a car after the last one was totaled and ended up getting laid off with the loans still unpaid.   Took a major hit the following year with the tax penalties and during a major bout of unemployment.   Heard the tale of woe on that one.