Author Topic: Overheard at Work 2  (Read 941738 times)

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3100 on: July 05, 2021, 11:28:48 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

Not sure about Imma, but in my area, traditionally the invitees are stated on the envelope, ie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith (both are invited) or the Smith family (the couple and their children are invited) or Mr. Smith (just Mr. Smith is invited).  The response card might also restate this for emphasis (Mr. Smith will/will not be attending).  I've never been to a wedding where both spouses were not invited, but the "plus 1" for unmarried guests was uncommon unless they were engaged or in a long term serious relationship.

Actually the most recent time this happened was last week. And indeed, it was addressed to "Mr Imma", so he texted his friend whether the invitation was meant for just him or for both of us, and his friend answered it was just for him, for budget reasons. We had honestly always thought the couple were well off, but they had to make a few choices that they themselves described as painful, so maybe there's a change of circumstances that we aren't aware of.

I have to say this is an old highschool/college friend, so someone he is close to but who is only a vague acquaintance for me. Most of the weddings where we didn't get a +1 were that type of weddings - coworkers or highschool/college friends who were really only friends with one half of the couple.

In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

I used to do long term contract work for a military unit.   When it came time for the summer picnic or winter holiday party,  each new unit commander would have a different policy about whether contractors could come to the party or not.   We contractors just took it in stride.  One year, contractors could come but not their spouses.    That pissed me off.

So I went to the unit commander's office and spoke to his secretary, whom I was on friendly terms with.   I mentioned the party invites and said, very curtly, "I do not go to the kind of parties my wife is not welcome at."

A few days later a "clarification" on the party was sent out and spouses could attend.

FU money and social capital are wonderful things.

I have never been to a work party were the spouses have been invited. The only time I have heard of was when my fathers employer had a 100 year celebration but that was a special occasion. I can’t even fathom why somebody would like to go to their spouses office parties.

I have also never worked somewhere where spouses were invited to office parties, but I think we are both Europeans and @SwordGuy is in the US so maybe it's common over there? I was very surprised to be invited to a big Christmas party at Mr Imma's workplace a few years ago but that's a very, very informal environment and I know all of his coworkers, because he's in hospitality and I go there as a customer sometimes. It was a lot of fun.

rockstache

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3101 on: July 05, 2021, 11:44:39 AM »
I think most Americans would not attend a wedding if their spouse or long term partner were not invited. That seems very strange to me. My office always invites a plus one to the parties, but I think that is in part due to the bill of goods that the American workplace is trying to sell to the employee, that “We are a Family.” Or maybe that’s just my office.

The biggest fight I got into about my wedding was the rehearsal dinner. My in laws insisted on paying for it, and I insisted on including the spouses of the out of towners (3 extra people). They traveled hundreds of miles for their spouse to be in my wedding, I was not going to have them sitting in a hotel eating dinner alone. MIL argued this was too expensive. I argued that I would pay for it and hold it at a local pizza parlor, inclusiveness being more important to me than optics. She was horrified that people might think that a pizza dinner was her being cheap (In laws traditionally pay for the rehearsal dinner - not that I gave a hoot about tradition or her paying for it), and ended up relenting and just covering the spouses at the restaurant of her choice. If I had a do over, I would have done things very differently with her from day one. We have magnificent boundaries now!

Botany Bae

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3102 on: July 05, 2021, 02:05:28 PM »
In my experience (US) there are office parties and work parties. Office parties are typically held onsite and they are  more casual and only for work colleagues and maybe a vendor or two. You'd never bring a +1 to an office party. Work parties are typically held off-site, may be a bit formal, and include +1 or even full family invites (such as the company picnics I was dragged to as a child). I've been to office holiday parties that were held in a decorated break room or at a table in a restaurant, and I've work holiday parties where we all dressed up, brought a date, and hung out at a catered ballroom at the local HoJo.

ExShredder89

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3103 on: July 05, 2021, 02:22:24 PM »
In my experience (US) there are office parties and work parties. Office parties are typically held onsite and they are  more casual and only for work colleagues and maybe a vendor or two. You'd never bring a +1 to an office party. Work parties are typically held off-site, may be a bit formal, and include +1 or even full family invites (such as the company picnics I was dragged to as a child). I've been to office holiday parties that were held in a decorated break room or at a table in a restaurant, and I've work holiday parties where we all dressed up, brought a date, and hung out at a catered ballroom at the local HoJo.

This is my experience too. The "a couple beers with coworkers, because why not?" type parties are usually just for one team or geographical office, and they don't really have the concept of +1s (though if someone's SO works nearby, it wouldn't be a big deal if they popped in for a drink). Then there's the anniversary or winter holiday type party, which is a SOs invited affair.

I like it at my current job, because the workforce is a little older and more diverse than the bro-y startups I've worked at in the past, so I'm friendly with a lot of my colleagues outside of a work context. That makes they're simultaneously more relaxed and more enjoyable affairs where it's just having a couple of drinks with coworkers and their SOs.

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3104 on: July 05, 2021, 02:39:27 PM »
I guess every thing I've ever been invited to at work was an office party then, and not a work party. In most workplaces they are during or right after work hours (like 3 to 7 or something) and it's often either at work or you travel with your coworkers to the party location and back to the office, where everyone goes their seperate ways. None of the parties I've been to required dressing up, we all just wear our regular office clothes.

OtherJen

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3105 on: July 05, 2021, 03:45:28 PM »
In my experience (US) there are office parties and work parties. Office parties are typically held onsite and they are  more casual and only for work colleagues and maybe a vendor or two. You'd never bring a +1 to an office party. Work parties are typically held off-site, may be a bit formal, and include +1 or even full family invites (such as the company picnics I was dragged to as a child). I've been to office holiday parties that were held in a decorated break room or at a table in a restaurant, and I've work holiday parties where we all dressed up, brought a date, and hung out at a catered ballroom at the local HoJo.

Yep, this. Husband's former employer (biotech) used to throw big, flashy holiday parties, and spouses/partners were always invited. My grad department also threw big holiday parties, and families were invited. In other departments, each lab group did its own holiday thing, and those were usually just long lunches or dinners right after work, so just the employees attended.

I don't think I've ever been invited to a wedding without also receiving an invitation for my husband. It just isn't done. In my family/cultural background, you invite both or neither (i.e., it's better to have a smaller wedding than to invite only certain members of a family/friend tier). If the budget were tight, it would be considered far, far less offensive (not at all offensive, actually) to have a small wedding with only immediate family and close friends than to have a larger wedding but only invite some first cousins but not others, friends without their partners, etc.

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3106 on: July 05, 2021, 04:15:36 PM »
Personally I would also prefer to not split up couples. I would rather have a less impressive venue or a simpler menu than not inviting partners or not serving a meal and have an open bar.

I think this is a social shift that happened in my generation, because the first few weddings I was invited to I still lived at home and my parents were shocked there was a) no reception and b) no +1. In my country the reception after the wedding was a public event where people not invited to the evening party could congratulate the couple and their parents. My parents had wanted to go to congratulate my highschool friend but couldn't because there was no reception. I don't think any wedding I've been to had a reception.

In my generation socializing without your partner has become the norm. My parents and all their friends and spouses met in highschool and did everything together. In my generation most people have seperate college friends, work friends, sports team friends... I only know a handful of their partners very well. Mr Imma's friend that didn't invite me, I hardly know him and would not recognize him in a crowd. Neither of us have met the bride. So it doesn't feel very weird. It would be weird if it was a couple we both know well and hang out with together and they would still only invite one of us.

Plina

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3107 on: July 05, 2021, 09:45:54 PM »
In my experience (US) there are office parties and work parties. Office parties are typically held onsite and they are  more casual and only for work colleagues and maybe a vendor or two. You'd never bring a +1 to an office party. Work parties are typically held off-site, may be a bit formal, and include +1 or even full family invites (such as the company picnics I was dragged to as a child). I've been to office holiday parties that were held in a decorated break room or at a table in a restaurant, and I've work holiday parties where we all dressed up, brought a date, and hung out at a catered ballroom at the local HoJo.

The christmas party have been what you would call a work party but it has never been a +1 event.

I think most Americans would not attend a wedding if their spouse or long term partner were not invited. That seems very strange to me. My office always invites a plus one to the parties, but I think that is in part due to the bill of goods that the American workplace is trying to sell to the employee, that “We are a Family.” Or maybe that’s just my office.


I find the ”we are a family” concept a bit funny as it seems you can be fired pretty easily. We are family as long as I please you...

talltexan

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3108 on: July 13, 2021, 08:45:54 AM »
I think even having a wedding is based on other conditions in the life. It will be interesting to see how the one year gap caused by this pandemic affects what people expect from their friends for wedding attendance (and attendants).

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3109 on: July 14, 2021, 12:28:19 AM »

I find the ”we are a family” concept a bit funny as it seems you can be fired pretty easily. We are family as long as I please you...

The old olive garden slogan always got me like that.  "When you're here, you're family!  As long as you pay your f'in bill because if not you're dead to us."

ixtap

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3110 on: July 14, 2021, 04:35:03 AM »

I find the ”we are a family” concept a bit funny as it seems you can be fired pretty easily. We are family as long as I please you...

The old olive garden slogan always got me like that.  "When you're here, you're family!  As long as you pay your f'in bill because if not you're dead to us."

I figure if a company is talking about family, it is going to be like the side of my family we don't talk to, not the side we love to hang out with.

Plina

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3111 on: July 14, 2021, 06:47:13 AM »

I find the ”we are a family” concept a bit funny as it seems you can be fired pretty easily. We are family as long as I please you...

The old olive garden slogan always got me like that.  "When you're here, you're family!  As long as you pay your f'in bill because if not you're dead to us."

I figure if a company is talking about family, it is going to be like the side of my family we don't talk to, not the side we love to hang out with.

Like the pain in the ass relative that you tolerate a couple of times per year because they are family.

RainyDay

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3112 on: July 15, 2021, 10:06:56 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

charis

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3113 on: July 15, 2021, 10:57:42 AM »
It's hard to draw the line, but I'm sure are some domestic partnerships that are quite "serious" without being legally married. I felt snubbed when I wasn't invited to my spouse's cousin's wedding with him when we had been dating for almost 7 years, living together at the time, and spent holidays with that part of the family.  It's not really here nor there, but the couple divorced about 5 years later.

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3114 on: July 15, 2021, 11:08:41 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

How did you feel about that? I wouldn't mind not going to a wedding if SO's in general weren't invited but I would be very pissed off if I wasn't invited because we are civil partners rather than spouses. I totally understand not wanting to include teenage boyfriends but I would feel insulted if someone considered my relationship less real because we didn't do a church thing. Especially since Mr Imma and I have been together for much longer than most couples whose weddings I've attended.

RainyDay

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3115 on: July 15, 2021, 11:46:50 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

How did you feel about that? I wouldn't mind not going to a wedding if SO's in general weren't invited but I would be very pissed off if I wasn't invited because we are civil partners rather than spouses. I totally understand not wanting to include teenage boyfriends but I would feel insulted if someone considered my relationship less real because we didn't do a church thing. Especially since Mr Imma and I have been together for much longer than most couples whose weddings I've attended.

Oh, I didn't mind at all that (adult) SOs showed up.  Honestly, I was only thinking of the teenagers when I put the invite together and had forgotten some of our friends weren't married.  So it all worked out just fine. 

Sugaree

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3116 on: July 15, 2021, 12:09:34 PM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

I had one family RSVP with 9 when I'd only invited 5...

Sandi_k

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3117 on: July 15, 2021, 10:05:00 PM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

How did you feel about that? I wouldn't mind not going to a wedding if SO's in general weren't invited but I would be very pissed off if I wasn't invited because we are civil partners rather than spouses. I totally understand not wanting to include teenage boyfriends but I would feel insulted if someone considered my relationship less real because we didn't do a church thing. Especially since Mr Imma and I have been together for much longer than most couples whose weddings I've attended.

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3118 on: July 16, 2021, 12:09:09 AM »

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

If you're trying to be clear, shouldn't you pre-fill the form?

Total number attending: _1___

Freedomin5

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3119 on: July 16, 2021, 01:56:00 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

Sugaree

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3120 on: July 16, 2021, 07:45:44 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

FindingFI

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3121 on: July 16, 2021, 07:52:38 AM »
We used an online RSVP platform that we uploaded the guest list to. Guests would search their name and everyone on that invitation would appear on screen and they could select attending or regrets. This was really nice for making it extra clear who was invited and who wasn't.

Almost all of our friends and family were in long term relationships at the time, so they were invited as couples. And the few that weren't got +1 since it added so few to the guest count.

hudsoncat

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3122 on: July 16, 2021, 03:05:22 PM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

I not only have two random dates (BiL date, mom date neither were around for more than two months before or after the wedding) in my wedding pictures, but also one family picture with a random child that literally none of us know and don't know where he came from. I can only assume he had something to do with a staff member at the venue and with all the moving around the photog grabbed him and stuck him in hinking he belonged since it was just family around.

We still laugh about that one. It's totally one of my favorite pictures from the day.

Sandi_k

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3123 on: July 16, 2021, 03:16:37 PM »

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

If you're trying to be clear, shouldn't you pre-fill the form?

Total number attending: _1___

Nope. We had some families where only some could make it, so we invited 4, and 2 attended.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3124 on: July 16, 2021, 06:45:46 PM »

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

If you're trying to be clear, shouldn't you pre-fill the form?

Total number attending: _1___

Nope. We had some families where only some could make it, so we invited 4, and 2 attended.

Then you don't fill those invitations in with the answer...

Sandi_k

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3125 on: July 16, 2021, 07:19:47 PM »

The Miss Manners' answer is very clear - if they are co-habiting, you treat them as married, and invite them both; the invitation is addressed to both, at the same address. If not co-habiting, you make a choice. Venue limits is a great reason to make that choice.

We had heard horror stories about people bringing casual dates to receptions, so our RSVP card was very clear:

____. Yes, _(name)_____ will be attending. Total number attending: _____


_____, No, ___(name)___ will not be attending.

I had one cousin who was invited as a singleton, and she replied with *2* attending. So I called her, and told her that the invitation was only for one. She chose to revoke her attendance, even though her mother, sister, brother, SIL, uncle and niece were all attending.

We were OK with that choice.

If you're trying to be clear, shouldn't you pre-fill the form?

Total number attending: _1___

Nope. We had some families where only some could make it, so we invited 4, and 2 attended.

Then you don't fill those invitations in with the answer...

I don't know what you're talking about.

We didn't know how many were coming, and I wasn't about to call 100+ families to pre-fill the info. That's what the RSVP is for.

It worked perfectly - it flagged the one person who tried to add a +1 when one was not invited, and it allowed everyone else to reply with the family and friends who did plan to attend.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3126 on: July 17, 2021, 12:02:35 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

I not only have two random dates (BiL date, mom date neither were around for more than two months before or after the wedding) in my wedding pictures, but also one family picture with a random child that literally none of us know and don't know where he came from. I can only assume he had something to do with a staff member at the venue and with all the moving around the photog grabbed him and stuck him in hinking he belonged since it was just family around.

We still laugh about that one. It's totally one of my favorite pictures from the day.

I know that child.  He died 100 years ago.  He’s always been the caretaker of that hotel

PDXTabs

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3127 on: July 17, 2021, 12:37:48 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

Have you watched Lovesick? You should. Everyone in this thread should. The episode with the wedding is the season premiere.

LennStar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3128 on: July 17, 2021, 12:54:08 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

I not only have two random dates (BiL date, mom date neither were around for more than two months before or after the wedding) in my wedding pictures, but also one family picture with a random child that literally none of us know and don't know where he came from. I can only assume he had something to do with a staff member at the venue and with all the moving around the photog grabbed him and stuck him in hinking he belonged since it was just family around.

We still laugh about that one. It's totally one of my favorite pictures from the day.

I know that child.  He died 100 years ago.  He’s always been the caretaker of that hotel
Maybe it was a Zashiki Warashi? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zashiki-warashi
That would mean a lot of good luck when it's even on the photos!

prudent_one

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3129 on: August 09, 2021, 05:09:24 PM »
*sigh* Our lovely admin-type person stopped by my office and we discussed weekend events.  Her daughter is getting married next year, and so they're working on the arrangements.  The venues in our area are apparently charging $10,000 just for the room.  No tables, no linens, etc.  Caterers are quoting $40-50/head for food, and they're planning on 120-150 guests.  So they're looking at neighboring states (minimum drive: 90 minutes to the state border) for cheaper options.

Dang, I'm in the wrong line of work.

I won't be surprised if in the near future there is an AirBNB type operation for wedding receptions.  For the food, most people I know who are not spendypants get a caterer from just outside the county and save about 40%.

Sugaree

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3130 on: August 10, 2021, 04:41:21 AM »
*sigh* Our lovely admin-type person stopped by my office and we discussed weekend events.  Her daughter is getting married next year, and so they're working on the arrangements.  The venues in our area are apparently charging $10,000 just for the room.  No tables, no linens, etc.  Caterers are quoting $40-50/head for food, and they're planning on 120-150 guests.  So they're looking at neighboring states (minimum drive: 90 minutes to the state border) for cheaper options.

Dang, I'm in the wrong line of work.

I won't be surprised if in the near future there is an AirBNB type operation for wedding receptions.  For the food, most people I know who are not spendypants get a caterer from just outside the county and save about 40%.

I worked for a caterer for awhile, so I've got a few tips.  For food, you can do a buffet without it feeling like a buffet.  Have them set up food stations of heavy hors d'oeuvres, but instead of setting it up in a line, scatter the stations around the reception area.  It encourages people to walk around and see what's available and socialize.  You can also lowball the headcount by a few people and are likely to still have enough food.

Look for non-traditional venues.  Musuems, state parks, etc.  When I got married, we rented out a lodge for the weekend (granted, I had closer to 50 people than 150).  I bought my table linens and resold them within 3 days after the wedding.  I ordered wholesale flowers and put together simple bouquets and boutonnieres together myself the day before and then used the bouquets as table decorations (again, I didn't have a whole lot of tables to do). 

I also made my own veil.  It was literally $8 worth of materials. 

Inaya

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3131 on: August 10, 2021, 05:20:06 AM »
My husband’s brother brought his girlfriend-at-the-time to our wedding. I had never met her before the wedding day. I don’t know her name. They broke up shortly after. So now we have a random stranger in most of our “family” wedding pictures. 😂

It doesn’t bother me at all. It’s not like I spend a significant amount of time looking through my wedding pics every day.

I got married January 12th.  My brother brought the girl he picked up at the bar on New Year's Eve as his date.  She hit on the officiant all night.  They did not see each other afterwards.  So now my wedding pictures have this rando in them too.  But I'm like you and don't look at them all that often.

I not only have two random dates (BiL date, mom date neither were around for more than two months before or after the wedding) in my wedding pictures, but also one family picture with a random child that literally none of us know and don't know where he came from. I can only assume he had something to do with a staff member at the venue and with all the moving around the photog grabbed him and stuck him in hinking he belonged since it was just family around.

We still laugh about that one. It's totally one of my favorite pictures from the day.


I'd rather have randos in my photos than my husband's (now estranged) father. The man didn't want to be there, and is scowling in every photo he's in.

ysette9

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3132 on: August 10, 2021, 07:34:50 AM »
We had a Chinese wedding banquet at a Chinese restaurant. No dancing or music, which I don’t like anyway, 10-course meal for 100 people, we supplied our own alcohol (no corking fee), snd the whole thing was something like $5k. Everyone had a great time, good food, minimal planning on our part aside from choosing the menu. It feels crazy to hear about what people spend on western style wedding receptions.

jinga nation

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3133 on: August 13, 2021, 05:25:48 AM »
Reading another thread (https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/antimustachian-wall-of-shame-and-comedy/do-any-of-your-parents-hoard-and-try-to-give-you-crap-and-other-dumb-stuff/), realized I have something to contribute here.

High-level gov guy, who's worked with my boss for years, pays $300/month (yes, MONTH, heard that word several times in the conversation) for a storage locker for his wife to store junk stuff. He meant it, stuff like an old washer and dryer, their daughter's old sports equipment, which the grown-up daughter doesn't want, and other junk. Just listening to him made my mind go haywire, I was flabbergasted.

I could only think of what George Carlin said about "Stuff": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac

LennStar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3134 on: August 13, 2021, 08:03:39 AM »
Reading another thread (https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/antimustachian-wall-of-shame-and-comedy/do-any-of-your-parents-hoard-and-try-to-give-you-crap-and-other-dumb-stuff/), realized I have something to contribute here.

High-level gov guy, who's worked with my boss for years, pays $300/month (yes, MONTH, heard that word several times in the conversation) for a storage locker for his wife to store junk stuff. He meant it, stuff like an old washer and dryer, their daughter's old sports equipment, which the grown-up daughter doesn't want, and other junk. Just listening to him made my mind go haywire, I was flabbergasted.

I could only think of what George Carlin said about "Stuff": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac
You know, I have wondered a lot of times now why I am so often wrong on what new thing people will use and what not.
The result of my analysis was that the stupider something seems to me, the bigger hit it will be.

Looks like that also works for old stuff, especially with stuff ;)

Sugaree

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3135 on: August 16, 2021, 09:18:47 AM »
Am I the only one who works in an office where discussion of the best new TV prices take place at least monthly? 

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3136 on: August 16, 2021, 07:15:00 PM »

You know, I have wondered a lot of times now why I am so often wrong on what new thing people will use and what not.
The result of my analysis was that the stupider something seems to me, the bigger hit it will be.

Ah, a kindred spirit!

We both have a highly valuable talent but capitalism has failed to make efficient use of our expertise.  Think how much money could be saved on failed product launches if they canceled products we thought were stupid and useless!

Michael in ABQ

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3137 on: August 17, 2021, 08:40:18 AM »
High-level gov guy, who's worked with my boss for years, pays $300/month (yes, MONTH, heard that word several times in the conversation) for a storage locker for his wife to store junk stuff. He meant it, stuff like an old washer and dryer, their daughter's old sports equipment, which the grown-up daughter doesn't want, and other junk. Just listening to him made my mind go haywire, I was flabbergasted.

I used to be a commercial real estate appraiser and did multiple self-storage properties. I usually wouldn't see inside occupied units but in talking to the owners and managers it was clear that most people literally just stored junk in them. Basically whatever wouldn't fit into someone's closet/garage/attic/basement. So are you going to put your best stuff that you may use someday in your home or in a storage unit? It's not surprising how many people would just stop paying the bill and let the stuff get sold at auction. I would also see people that had units for multiple years, or multiple storage units. In one case the manager said an older couple had an adult child die and they rented three large storage units to put all his stuff in (paying hundreds of dollars per month) because they couldn't bring themselves to get rid of it.

MilStachian

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3138 on: August 17, 2021, 01:53:30 PM »
"The sailboat is a more reasonable option. I can get the 52' for only $1.2M. It's really not bad, even the upkeep is cheaper, something like $100k a year all-in on maintenance and dock fees."

"My 2020 BMW M340xi is certainly fast, but I've been pricing out that new M3. Would be a big step up."


LennStar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3139 on: August 18, 2021, 01:02:38 AM »
"The sailboat is a more reasonable option. I can get the 52' for only $1.2M. It's really not bad, even the upkeep is cheaper, something like $100k a year all-in on maintenance and dock fees."

"My 2020 BMW M340xi is certainly fast, but I've been pricing out that new M3. Would be a big step up."
What a workplace is that, where the 100K/year is the cheaper option?

btw. does this guy still have his old boat? I might be convinced to take off his burden from him and make sure his old boat get's a nice new owner.

MilStachian

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3140 on: August 18, 2021, 06:08:53 AM »
The gent who said this is, by far, the exception.

The president of our business division makes >$600k a year and drives a mid 2000s Civic with 200k miles. The guy who made the comment about the sailboat drives the most expensive car in the lot.

I try not to pass judgment on other people's lifestyle choices, but damn, the thought of a $100k annual cost just for the enjoyment of something I get to use a dozen times a year is bonkers to me.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3141 on: August 18, 2021, 07:40:14 AM »
I try not to pass judgment on other people's lifestyle choices, but damn, the thought of a $100k annual cost just for the enjoyment of something I get to use a dozen times a year is bonkers to me.

If I was going to spend that kind of money, it would be on a woman...

PDXTabs

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3142 on: August 18, 2021, 02:13:33 PM »
I think that I could sail around the world for $100k, including the purchase price of a yacht capable of bluewater crossings.

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3143 on: August 18, 2021, 02:37:18 PM »
I try not to pass judgment on other people's lifestyle choices, but damn, the thought of a $100k annual cost just for the enjoyment of something I get to use a dozen times a year is bonkers to me.

If I was going to spend that kind of money, it would be on a woman...

Yeah it sounds like he’s spending 2x his income on the boat and 1/6 income on upkeep.  No matter how much money you make those ratios are stupid

And I’m not a fan of tax complainers, but after taxes those ratios are even worse

Maybe he got a huge bonus or has a really high savings rate.  Gotta absolutely love boating if you are willing to save for several years to pay for a boat…

Zamboni

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3144 on: August 18, 2021, 05:58:00 PM »
I try not to pass judgment on other people's lifestyle choices, but damn, the thought of a $100k annual cost just for the enjoyment of something I get to use a dozen times a year is bonkers to me.

If I was going to spend that kind of money, it would be on a woman...

Lol, are you single? Cause I'm not spendy, but if I was given the budget, then I could probably dream up ways for someone to spend $100K on me.

On a more topical note:
My brother owns his own construction business and he hired a new guy during the pandemic. It's complicated, skilled labor (custom cabinetry for commercial jobs.) The new guy was normal retirement age and wasn't skilled in construction trades, but he lives in a small town and they needed the money, and my brother was swamped with work coming out of the pandemic shutdown and needed cabinet installers, so he figured he would train him.

Brother was a little worried that the guy wouldn't stick around long enough for it to be worth his effort to train him because he was changing careers from something white collar. So, he asked the guy for his word that he would stay for at least a year. "Of course," he said, "I plan to work 2-3 more years and will stay in this job if you take a chance on hiring me."

Most of his employees are much younger, so my brother thought it would be good to have some more senior, hopefully more mature people on the jobs to set good examples. Installers earn the prevailing wage for each job, which is typically $28-$40 per hour, plus expenses if the install is out of town. The first month of work the new guy made $40/hr for the entire month, even though he didn't know how to do anything job-related and was basically just following the other employees around.

Once he started working, my brother became amazed at how bad he was with money. He said he is temporarily living with his own FIL (who must be in his 90's) ostensibly to save money, but he reports he can't make ends meet. Yet he drives a Lexus SUV, his wife drives a big new Lexus sedan, and, the hilarious kicker: in addition to these they own both a diesel F350 pickup and a gigantic RV. It wouldn't matter, I suppose, except they are so short of money that his wife literally drives to work on payday twice a month to pick up his check for bank deposit while he is still at work. He explained to my brother that she does this because otherwise they can't make it to the next day. Apparently they are always very behind on "the bills." And he reports that they only have $500 as their lifetime savings . . . in their mid-60's. . . and that they keep having to "dip into it for grocery money." So my brother was like "well, living with your FIL and making $40/hr, hopefully you'll be able to get ahead with your savings a bit now."

One of the times he was complaining about "the bills" and how he just can't get ahead, my brother, trying to be friendly and help the guy, asked "well, maybe you could sell the RV so things aren't so tight?" to which the guy said "oh, no, we are fixing that up to live in it full time so we don't have to keep living in my FIL's house." So then my brother said "ok, well, maybe you could sell one of the other cars? It doesn't seem like you really use the truck . . . " But the guy had all kinds of reasons he and his wife needed all 4 vehicles. So then my brother was like "you know, my kids took this Dave Ramsey course, have you heard of him?" And the guy said "oh, yeah, we took it. His methods just aren't going to work for us." So at that point my brother pretty much gave up.

And then, three months after starting the job, the guy came to my brother and they had this conversation:
Guy: "I'm going to take a job at the mill [it's literally a lumber mill]. It's second shift, so I'm hoping I can also still work here in the shop from 10am - 1 pm. The new job starts in a month. I can work here full time until then."
Brother: "The mill? How much does it pay?"
Guy: "$20/hr, but it has better benefits."
Brother: "Huh? You make way more than that here, and I thought I had your word you would stay for a year . . . we are still training you and you don't know how to do half the stuff here yet."
Guy: "I know, and I want to keep working for you, just less hours."
Brother: "Have you been in the mill? I worked there a few months when I first moved here and it's pretty terrible: dark, dangerous, exhausting, loud, repetitive, saw dust everywhere, terrible glue smell. Plus, as a new guy, they are going to keep changing your shift every time a more senior guy needs time off. It might be 2nd shift one week, then switch to third shift if that's what they need. It's not worth "better benefits." I wouldn't work there for a million dollars a year. Are you sure you want to work there?"
Guy: "Yes, but I'm going to keep working here for a month and then I can work part time here, just like three hours a day."
Brother: "That's not going to work. When we are doing an install, I need guys who can be on-site 8 hours at predictable times in the morning with the crew. Plus, you are not keeping your word. If this is your plan, then you can just head home today, because it's not cost effective for me to keep training someone who's not going to be around."

My brother's a totally calm, reasonable guy. I doubt he raised his voice at all during that conversation. He absolutely does not need this guy working for him. Just tried to talk the guy out of it, then fired the guy on the spot once he realized the guy was dead set on his plan. While I hope I'm wrong, I've toured that mill, and I'd be surprised if they guy lasts as long at the mill as he did working for my brother. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you . . . when you don't have any food in your pantry.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2021, 08:38:55 PM by Zamboni »

swaneesr

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3145 on: August 18, 2021, 07:39:07 PM »
Wow. Just Wow.

Swanee.


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Dave1442397

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3146 on: August 19, 2021, 07:47:58 AM »
@Zamboni  Crazy. Some people just can't be helped.

Zamboni

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3147 on: August 19, 2021, 09:30:23 AM »
I was thinking about the guy and his move to the mill more . . . the PNW where this is had that heat dome all summer.

My brother's employees have always worked 6 or 7 am to 2 or 3 pm, but he started letting them go at 1 pm if they wanted to bc it was so hot this summer. His shop does have AC in the office, but a lot of the work is outside loading the trailer or at job sites that don't have climate control on yet.

I'm sure that most days at 6-7 am they load the trailer to go to the job site for the installation. Then they drive to the site and unload it. If you can just agree to get your boss to agree to let YOU start at 10am, then they other employees do all the lifting and moving and all you have to do is meet them at the site and start drilling things into walls, putting in drawers and putting on doors, etc. (basically, the part that he's not good at . . . because he's unskilled.) A brilliant plan, amirite! Lol, no, that's just not going to fly.

So back to the mill: 100% chance the mill floor has been hot as the surface of the sun in the afternoons this summer. There is a reason they have 2nd shift openings. The fact that the guy suggested 10 am start time tells me that he doesn't like getting up early, and that's he's not swift enough to understand the afternoon heat factor in a lumber mill that has giant open doors all day for unloading the trees (process starts with literally tree trunks) where there will be grueling physical labor the entire shift until you are senior enough to be a manager or get one of the seated jobs, which he will never be because it takes like 20 years of paying dues.


zolotiyeruki

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3148 on: August 19, 2021, 09:56:45 AM »
Wow, if there was ever a situation of "You can't afford to worry about someone else's problem more than they do," this is it.

pachnik

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3149 on: August 19, 2021, 12:06:04 PM »
With regard to the post above by Zamboni about the guy who worked for the brother.  2 Lexus's and a Ford pick-up and $500.00 as their life savings in their mid-60's.  This has to be one of the saddest situations I've seen on this thread.