Author Topic: Overheard at Work 2  (Read 1113075 times)

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3050 on: June 06, 2021, 11:31:01 AM »
How do you even know how much a wedding costs?

Catering is going to cost at least $15 per plate and can be multiples of that.

Renting a venue usually starts at $500 and can easily be thousands.

Photographer/Videographer will be $1,000+ in most cases - especially if it's multiple people.

Flowers, clothing, rings, etc.

A wedding with 50-100+ people with nice food and a nice venue is probably going to be in the tens of thousands unless it's obvious all the food was homemade and it's held in a free/cheap venue (backyard of friend/family member, etc.).


Our wedding in a courthouse was a almost nothing (I had a suit, friend made my wife's dress) except gold wedding bands that were around $1,000 (gold was much cheaper back then). The "reception" afterwards was maybe a few hundred more for lunch in a restaurant with a small group of family and friends.

Our wedding budget was $50.   That was for everything.  License, invitations, postage, everything.  Not because we were cheap but simply because we were poor. $50 was a lot of money to us at the time.  We held it in our apartment because that was already rented.   We told people that if they wanted something to eat or drink at the reception it would be wise to bring it.   Rings were gifts from friends because there was no money for rings.

People had such a good time that some folks stayed for 3 days.

Flat9MKE

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3051 on: June 07, 2021, 07:35:03 AM »
I work with a guy who lives about an hour from work, so his total daily commute is north of 2 hours.  He also comes into the office every Saturday. On top of that, he drives like the biggest Ford F150 you can get (think King Ranch size).  He said his monthly gas expense is over $1,000.  It's a diesel though, so getting "good" gas mileage and longevity!  He's a nice guy and smart (has a P.E. designation), but that's about as anti-mustachian as it gets!

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3052 on: June 07, 2021, 12:44:44 PM »
I work with a guy who lives about an hour from work, so his total daily commute is north of 2 hours.  He also comes into the office every Saturday. On top of that, he drives like the biggest Ford F150 you can get (think King Ranch size).  He said his monthly gas expense is over $1,000.  It's a diesel though, so getting "good" gas mileage and longevity!  He's a nice guy and smart (has a P.E. designation), but that's about as anti-mustachian as it gets!

Canyonero?

Jimbo

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3053 on: June 07, 2021, 12:53:07 PM »
Can you name the truck that's 4 wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats 45?

J.R. Ewing

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3054 on: June 07, 2021, 02:20:49 PM »
I work with a guy who lives about an hour from work, so his total daily commute is north of 2 hours.  He also comes into the office every Saturday. On top of that, he drives like the biggest Ford F150 you can get (think King Ranch size).  He said his monthly gas expense is over $1,000.  It's a diesel though, so getting "good" gas mileage and longevity!  He's a nice guy and smart (has a P.E. designation), but that's about as anti-mustachian as it gets!

Pretty common behavior in Houston.  I worked with a guy like that.  His giant Kind Ranch wouldn't fit in the company provided parking garage, so he leased an XL sized parking spot 4 blocks away for $130/month.

Flat9MKE

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3055 on: June 07, 2021, 03:36:28 PM »
I work with a guy who lives about an hour from work, so his total daily commute is north of 2 hours.  He also comes into the office every Saturday. On top of that, he drives like the biggest Ford F150 you can get (think King Ranch size).  He said his monthly gas expense is over $1,000.  It's a diesel though, so getting "good" gas mileage and longevity!  He's a nice guy and smart (has a P.E. designation), but that's about as anti-mustachian as it gets!

Pretty common behavior in Houston.  I worked with a guy like that.  His giant Kind Ranch wouldn't fit in the company provided parking garage, so he leased an XL sized parking spot 4 blocks away for $130/month.

LOLOLOL!

stylesjl

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3056 on: June 08, 2021, 03:12:58 AM »
I work with a guy who lives about an hour from work, so his total daily commute is north of 2 hours.  He also comes into the office every Saturday. On top of that, he drives like the biggest Ford F150 you can get (think King Ranch size).  He said his monthly gas expense is over $1,000.  It's a diesel though, so getting "good" gas mileage and longevity!  He's a nice guy and smart (has a P.E. designation), but that's about as anti-mustachian as it gets!

Canyonero?

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Canyonero! Canyonero!

Valley of Plenty

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3057 on: June 15, 2021, 08:46:15 PM »
My plant manager recently traded in his truck (a 2018 Ford F-150 Raptor) for a newer, more expensive truck. Unsure what the make/model is, I just know that it apparently cost a whopping $90,000.

He was in the break room showing off a video of the retractable driver's side step he had installed for an extra $2k. You press a button and it swings out, then you press the button again and it folds back into the undercarriage. I pointed out that I don't need a step to get into my 2010 Suzuki Kizashi, because it only sits about 5 inches off the ground. I can only imagine his frustration when next winter hits and his fancy retractable step freezes in place.

This same manager a few days later was talking to someone about one of his favorite fast food chains (actually it's a gas station chain called Sheetz which is very big here in PA, it's hard to explain the hype but they do have excellent food). "I love their food, but it's just so gosh darn expensive!" I remarked that if he bought a nice used Honda Civic instead of a $90k truck, he could afford to eat there as often as he'd like.

I'm sure he makes at least $150k a year, so he can surely afford to live a ridiculous spendypants lifestyle, but damn, if I made what he makes I could be retired in about 5 years.

geekette

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3058 on: June 15, 2021, 08:59:49 PM »
Sheetz is the only place my mother has been known to throw out freshly purchased food.  It was a few years ago, but if IIRC, the hot dogs were 3/$1, so she didn’t lose much. 

So my family always jokes about getting “the Sheetz” and haven’t been back. They actually have some edible food?


Steeze

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3059 on: June 16, 2021, 05:21:40 AM »
I was at a job site yesterday and was on the roof of a building with a half dozen guys. 3 of those guys have raptor trucks - they were all comparing notes on horsepower because apparently none of them were stock. The guy with the biggest stick had 750HP, which was impressive to all.

Then the conversation turned to a ~$400,000 truck at a local showroom. Didn’t catch the make / model but everyone except me seemed to know the exact one.

And there I was getting into my Prius when we all left. Lol oh well, I’m sure all those guys make well into the Six figure range, $500k+ So more power to them (literally).

Valley of Plenty

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3060 on: June 18, 2021, 08:19:30 PM »
Sheetz is the only place my mother has been known to throw out freshly purchased food.  It was a few years ago, but if IIRC, the hot dogs were 3/$1, so she didn’t lose much. 

So my family always jokes about getting “the Sheetz” and haven’t been back. They actually have some edible food?

I've never had a bad experience with Sheetz food. In general I would consider it superior in quality to most fast food (which isn't saying much, but you can't reasonably expect much more from gas station fare).

What probably earned them their popularity back in the early 2000s was that they were one of the first places to offer truly customizable menu options. Even back in like 2005 you could walk into a Sheetz, go up to a touchscreen kiosk and order subs, burgers, sandwiches, etc designed to your exact specifications. Even now that sort of thing isn't super common. Sure you can go to a fast food chain and specify things that you want or don't want on your order, but you're still just editing a pre-designed menu item. With sheetz, you can build your food the way you want it from the ground up.

As an example, sometimes after my morning workout I'll pick up a breakfast quesarito with bacon, sausage, eggs, cheddar cheese, and hash browns in it. The damn thing is a foot long and thicker than my forearm. It's about 1100 calories and 60g or so of protein, for about $6. Not bad at all by fast food standards.

Valley of Plenty

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3061 on: June 18, 2021, 08:22:04 PM »
I’m sure all those guys make well into the Six figure range, $500k+ So more power to them (literally).

Indeed, I'm sure they could all be retired if they valued their time over their horsepower.

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3062 on: June 21, 2021, 09:46:17 AM »
*sigh* Our lovely admin-type person stopped by my office and we discussed weekend events.  Her daughter is getting married next year, and so they're working on the arrangements.  The venues in our area are apparently charging $10,000 just for the room.  No tables, no linens, etc.  Caterers are quoting $40-50/head for food, and they're planning on 120-150 guests.  So they're looking at neighboring states (minimum drive: 90 minutes to the state border) for cheaper options.

Dang, I'm in the wrong line of work.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3063 on: June 21, 2021, 12:53:16 PM »
*sigh* Our lovely admin-type person stopped by my office and we discussed weekend events.  Her daughter is getting married next year, and so they're working on the arrangements.  The venues in our area are apparently charging $10,000 just for the room.  No tables, no linens, etc.  Caterers are quoting $40-50/head for food, and they're planning on 120-150 guests.  So they're looking at neighboring states (minimum drive: 90 minutes to the state border) for cheaper options.

Dang, I'm in the wrong line of work.

Damn, at that price I could offer a Japanese garden and a nice home to host the wedding in.   Hell, it would pay for someone else to do the lawn work for the year.   One more would pay for the tables and chairs and a store-room to put them in.   

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3064 on: June 21, 2021, 08:40:30 PM »
We spent $25k on our wedding 14 years ago. Best $25k ever spent. I wish we’d spent a little more. We talked about doing something in the in-laws’ backyard for $3k, but we decided we wanted something else. My brother eloped for close to nothing and then did a party a year later. I’ve also been to a wedding that easily cost more than $100k, and could have been $250k. Three separate ballrooms, three separate bands, open bar at the reception and dinner, steak and lobster and chicken for 350 guests, unlimited DOM Perignon, amazing flowers.

The thing is, a wedding should be what the bride and groom want and can afford. We wanted $25k, and we saved up to do that. It was awesome. I was a little miffed that my brother and his wife invited only my mom and stepdad and her parents to their wedding, but hey, it’s their wedding.  The fancy wedding was amazing - and a little stuffy and pretentious at times, but when you’re putting on a show for all your rich friends, that’s the way it sometimes is. In the end, it’s about the two people pledging themselves to each other. If they want simple, great. If they want fairy tale and can have it, great. People at our wedding told us they had no idea we could throw such a fun party - totally worth it.

charis

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3065 on: June 21, 2021, 10:03:52 PM »
We spent $25k on our wedding 14 years ago. Best $25k ever spent. I wish we’d spent a little more. We talked about doing something in the in-laws’ backyard for $3k, but we decided we wanted something else. My brother eloped for close to nothing and then did a party a year later. I’ve also been to a wedding that easily cost more than $100k, and could have been $250k. Three separate ballrooms, three separate bands, open bar at the reception and dinner, steak and lobster and chicken for 350 guests, unlimited DOM Perignon, amazing flowers.

The thing is, a wedding should be what the bride and groom want and can afford. We wanted $25k, and we saved up to do that. It was awesome. I was a little miffed that my brother and his wife invited only my mom and stepdad and her parents to their wedding, but hey, it’s their wedding.  The fancy wedding was amazing - and a little stuffy and pretentious at times, but when you’re putting on a show for all your rich friends, that’s the way it sometimes is. In the end, it’s about the two people pledging themselves to each other. If they want simple, great. If they want fairy tale and can have it, great. People at our wedding told us they had no idea we could throw such a fun party - totally worth it.

There is a correlation between expensive weddings and higher divorce rate. Does it mean a higher priced wedding will lead to divorce, obviously no.  But I would disagree that "putting on a show for your rich friends" is about two people pledging themselves to each other, in the end.  It's generally more about the show than the pledge.

Taran Wanderer

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3066 on: June 21, 2021, 10:15:43 PM »
It was dad putting on a show for his rich friends. The couple seems to be pretty happy still, and it’s been years. But hey, you never know. It was a great party though, and seeing my late 80’s grandfather on stage dancing with the bridesmaids is a cherished memory. (He was a great dancer and honestly could out-dance most guys in their twenties even at 85+.)

talltexan

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3067 on: July 01, 2021, 08:42:21 AM »
We spent $25k on our wedding 14 years ago. Best $25k ever spent. I wish we’d spent a little more. We talked about doing something in the in-laws’ backyard for $3k, but we decided we wanted something else. My brother eloped for close to nothing and then did a party a year later. I’ve also been to a wedding that easily cost more than $100k, and could have been $250k. Three separate ballrooms, three separate bands, open bar at the reception and dinner, steak and lobster and chicken for 350 guests, unlimited DOM Perignon, amazing flowers.

The thing is, a wedding should be what the bride and groom want and can afford. We wanted $25k, and we saved up to do that. It was awesome. I was a little miffed that my brother and his wife invited only my mom and stepdad and her parents to their wedding, but hey, it’s their wedding.  The fancy wedding was amazing - and a little stuffy and pretentious at times, but when you’re putting on a show for all your rich friends, that’s the way it sometimes is. In the end, it’s about the two people pledging themselves to each other. If they want simple, great. If they want fairy tale and can have it, great. People at our wedding told us they had no idea we could throw such a fun party - totally worth it.

There is a correlation between expensive weddings and higher divorce rate. Does it mean a higher priced wedding will lead to divorce, obviously no.  But I would disagree that "putting on a show for your rich friends" is about two people pledging themselves to each other, in the end.  It's generally more about the show than the pledge.

I don't think this means that giving a couple an extra $2,500 to spend on their wedding makes their marriage worse. I think it means that a poorer couple will try to conduct their affairs with informal romantic commitments rather than getting married, since they don't have the money to celebrate with their friends anyway.

Plina

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3068 on: July 01, 2021, 10:03:24 AM »
We spent $25k on our wedding 14 years ago. Best $25k ever spent. I wish we’d spent a little more. We talked about doing something in the in-laws’ backyard for $3k, but we decided we wanted something else. My brother eloped for close to nothing and then did a party a year later. I’ve also been to a wedding that easily cost more than $100k, and could have been $250k. Three separate ballrooms, three separate bands, open bar at the reception and dinner, steak and lobster and chicken for 350 guests, unlimited DOM Perignon, amazing flowers.

The thing is, a wedding should be what the bride and groom want and can afford. We wanted $25k, and we saved up to do that. It was awesome. I was a little miffed that my brother and his wife invited only my mom and stepdad and her parents to their wedding, but hey, it’s their wedding.  The fancy wedding was amazing - and a little stuffy and pretentious at times, but when you’re putting on a show for all your rich friends, that’s the way it sometimes is. In the end, it’s about the two people pledging themselves to each other. If they want simple, great. If they want fairy tale and can have it, great. People at our wedding told us they had no idea we could throw such a fun party - totally worth it.

There is a correlation between expensive weddings and higher divorce rate. Does it mean a higher priced wedding will lead to divorce, obviously no.  But I would disagree that "putting on a show for your rich friends" is about two people pledging themselves to each other, in the end.  It's generally more about the show than the pledge.

I don't think this means that giving a couple an extra $2,500 to spend on their wedding makes their marriage worse. I think it means that a poorer couple will try to conduct their affairs with informal romantic commitments rather than getting married, since they don't have the money to celebrate with their friends anyway.

Frankly, if the marriage is only an excuse to throw a party, why should they even get married? Isnt it obvious that it doesn’t really have more then a legal meaning then. They can make the commitment anyway.

MrMoogle

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3069 on: July 01, 2021, 10:20:48 AM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category. 

DeniseNJ

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3070 on: July 01, 2021, 11:13:28 AM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.
Maybe if you save on the wedding you can afford a divorce. lol. "I been savin' this money for a divorce, if'n I ever getta husband!"

mm1970

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3071 on: July 01, 2021, 11:40:01 AM »
Sheetz!!

My cousin works at Sheetz.  She started in HS, worked there through college, then got a corporate job with them.

Plina

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3072 on: July 01, 2021, 11:41:55 AM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.

Because, they can’t afford to live on their own or why? Here the divorce application costs about 105 USD.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3073 on: July 01, 2021, 11:53:34 AM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.

Because, they can’t afford to live on their own or why? Here the divorce application costs about 105 USD.

Yes, because they can't afford to live on their own.   My mom hired a lady to help keep her home clean and the lady was divorced but still lived with her ex-husband because neither could afford to live on their own.   

charis

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3074 on: July 02, 2021, 03:18:28 PM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.

Are you saying that poor people are more likely to have inexpensive weddings and in turn less likely to divorce for the same reason, being poor? That sounds odd to me, is there a study that indicates this?

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3075 on: July 03, 2021, 09:43:11 AM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.

Are you saying that poor people are more likely to have inexpensive weddings and in turn less likely to divorce for the same reason, being poor? That sounds odd to me, is there a study that indicates this?

I wasn't the one that suggested this, but I can give you the anecdotal evidence that I know more than a few couples too poor to divorce. They're all in the Babyboom generation, they generally own their family house outright, but in today's market selling the family house wouldn't buy back two small apartments. Plus in that generation many women don't work and/or earn as much as men do and have much less pension savings. They prefer a bad marriage over being destitute.

CupcakeGuru

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3076 on: July 04, 2021, 05:39:31 AM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.

Are you saying that poor people are more likely to have inexpensive weddings and in turn less likely to divorce for the same reason, being poor? That sounds odd to me, is there a study that indicates this?


I wasn't the one that suggested this, but I can give you the anecdotal evidence that I know more than a few couples too poor to divorce. They're all in the Babyboom generation, they generally own their family house outright, but in today's market selling the family house wouldn't buy back two small apartments. Plus in that generation many women don't work and/or earn as much as men do and have much less pension savings. They prefer a bad marriage over being destitute.

I personally know 4 people right now who won't get a divorce due to money. Three of them are in their 50's and one is 75.

The saddest one was in her late 70's and asked her kids if she could move in them so she could leave their father. They refused and she died a year later.

DadJokes

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3077 on: July 04, 2021, 05:49:19 AM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.

Are you saying that poor people are more likely to have inexpensive weddings and in turn less likely to divorce for the same reason, being poor? That sounds odd to me, is there a study that indicates this?


I wasn't the one that suggested this, but I can give you the anecdotal evidence that I know more than a few couples too poor to divorce. They're all in the Babyboom generation, they generally own their family house outright, but in today's market selling the family house wouldn't buy back two small apartments. Plus in that generation many women don't work and/or earn as much as men do and have much less pension savings. They prefer a bad marriage over being destitute.

I personally know 4 people right now who won't get a divorce due to money. Three of them are in their 50's and one is 75.

The saddest one was in her late 70's and asked her kids if she could move in them so she could leave their father. They refused and she died a year later.

I know an elderly couple in a similar position as well. Their only income is social security, and the poor wife is stuck in the relationship.

charis

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3078 on: July 04, 2021, 02:30:33 PM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.

Are you saying that poor people are more likely to have inexpensive weddings and in turn less likely to divorce for the same reason, being poor? That sounds odd to me, is there a study that indicates this?


I wasn't the one that suggested this, but I can give you the anecdotal evidence that I know more than a few couples too poor to divorce. They're all in the Babyboom generation, they generally own their family house outright, but in today's market selling the family house wouldn't buy back two small apartments. Plus in that generation many women don't work and/or earn as much as men do and have much less pension savings. They prefer a bad marriage over being destitute.

I personally know 4 people right now who won't get a divorce due to money. Three of them are in their 50's and one is 75.

The saddest one was in her late 70's and asked her kids if she could move in them so she could leave their father. They refused and she died a year later.

I know an elderly couple in a similar position as well. Their only income is social security, and the poor wife is stuck in the relationship.

I agree that many couples cannot afford to divorce, I know some as well, but I'm unaware of any corresponding link to their "inexpensive" weddings. Other than boomers seemed to have had cheaper weddings on the whole. Less emphasis on full service dinner dancing events with open bar than is common today.

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3079 on: July 05, 2021, 06:28:08 AM »
Too many people are too poor to divorce.  If your wedding was inexpensive, then you're more likely to fall into this category.

Are you saying that poor people are more likely to have inexpensive weddings and in turn less likely to divorce for the same reason, being poor? That sounds odd to me, is there a study that indicates this?


I wasn't the one that suggested this, but I can give you the anecdotal evidence that I know more than a few couples too poor to divorce. They're all in the Babyboom generation, they generally own their family house outright, but in today's market selling the family house wouldn't buy back two small apartments. Plus in that generation many women don't work and/or earn as much as men do and have much less pension savings. They prefer a bad marriage over being destitute.

I personally know 4 people right now who won't get a divorce due to money. Three of them are in their 50's and one is 75.

The saddest one was in her late 70's and asked her kids if she could move in them so she could leave their father. They refused and she died a year later.

I know an elderly couple in a similar position as well. Their only income is social security, and the poor wife is stuck in the relationship.

I agree that many couples cannot afford to divorce, I know some as well, but I'm unaware of any corresponding link to their "inexpensive" weddings. Other than boomers seemed to have had cheaper weddings on the whole. Less emphasis on full service dinner dancing events with open bar than is common today.

I'm not sure if there's a link other than that people with low incomes generally have cheaper weddings.

Not sure if in the past weddings in my culture were much cheaper than these days. Open bar, dinner and dancing was always the norm in my culture. That's how my parents and grandparents held their weddings as well. But they did select a venue, a menu and an amount of guests that fitted their budget, in my grandparents' case that meant at home. I think weddings held at home are almost unheard of now. I'm sure they did save a ton of money on appearances. It seems everyone now has a hair and makeup artist at their wedding, brides get their nails done etc. In my parents' days people had no idea what a makeup artist even was, let alone that working class girls would hire one for their makeup. I know my mum just asked the friend with the best hair to do hers for her wedding. No one paid for extra decorations to a venue and my mum's bouquet was a gift from a friend who was a florist. And for dinner they just had a simple vegetable soup, meat, potatoes and vegetables. I guess there were less brides wanting to create an unique experience, they just went ahead with what everyone did.

These days couples still cut corners even at fancy weddings, they just have different priorities. In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together. Even (maybe especially) at fancypants weddings spouses are often not invited. The wedding we went to together was a laid-back affair and we both enjoyed it very much. Personally I would rather buy a less expensive dress/manicure/make-up artist than cut corners on the guest list, but I suppose that doesn't look as good on Instagram.

johndoe

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3080 on: July 05, 2021, 06:52:57 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

LaineyAZ

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3081 on: July 05, 2021, 06:58:18 AM »
Regarding the older couples who can't divorce due to finances:  I don't know why, but it's stuck in my head that maybe there could be a life-swap of some kind?
(yes, "life" not "wife")
That if 2 couples were so unhappy and wanted out, maybe one half of the couple's partners could switch residences with the other couple.  I'm thinking they would be happier living elsewhere with someone who happens to be in the same situation and the switch could solve both parties' problems in that at least they would be relieved of having to live with someone they really hate. 

It would be another level of the already existing roommate-matching services.  It just pains me to see older people stuck in this situation with no way out.

Jenny Wren

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3082 on: July 05, 2021, 07:39:49 AM »
I think it's also important to acknowledge that older couples often stick it out for reasons other than money. I'm sure younger couples do as well, but I've mainly only seen this aversion to divorce due to duty and moral reasons with my mother's generation and above (boomer's and silent generation). My mother's boyfriend (in his 70s) stayed with his wife until she passed away, even though he knew it was a bad match by the time their first child was born, simply because he fully internalized the lesson that marriage is forever and that men don't walk away from a marriage. I have an aunt who stayed married for similar reasons, although hers is more rooted in religion than in duty. Both of these examples had the money to walk away with all parties well taken care of.

charis

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3083 on: July 05, 2021, 08:16:13 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

Not sure about Imma, but in my area, traditionally the invitees are stated on the envelope, ie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith (both are invited) or the Smith family (the couple and their children are invited) or Mr. Smith (just Mr. Smith is invited).  The response card might also restate this for emphasis (Mr. Smith will/will not be attending).  I've never been to a wedding where both spouses were not invited, but the "plus 1" for unmarried guests was uncommon unless they were engaged or in a long term serious relationship.

SwordGuy

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3084 on: July 05, 2021, 09:25:10 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

I used to do long term contract work for a military unit.   When it came time for the summer picnic or winter holiday party,  each new unit commander would have a different policy about whether contractors could come to the party or not.   We contractors just took it in stride.  One year, contractors could come but not their spouses.    That pissed me off.

So I went to the unit commander's office and spoke to his secretary, whom I was on friendly terms with.   I mentioned the party invites and said, very curtly, "I do not go to the kind of parties my wife is not welcome at."

A few days later a "clarification" on the party was sent out and spouses could attend.

FU money and social capital are wonderful things.

Plina

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3085 on: July 05, 2021, 09:55:01 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

I used to do long term contract work for a military unit.   When it came time for the summer picnic or winter holiday party,  each new unit commander would have a different policy about whether contractors could come to the party or not.   We contractors just took it in stride.  One year, contractors could come but not their spouses.    That pissed me off.

So I went to the unit commander's office and spoke to his secretary, whom I was on friendly terms with.   I mentioned the party invites and said, very curtly, "I do not go to the kind of parties my wife is not welcome at."

A few days later a "clarification" on the party was sent out and spouses could attend.

FU money and social capital are wonderful things.

I have never been to a work party were the spouses have been invited. The only time I have heard of was when my fathers employer had a 100 year celebration but that was a special occasion. I can’t even fathom why somebody would like to go to their spouses office parties.

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3086 on: July 05, 2021, 11:28:48 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

Not sure about Imma, but in my area, traditionally the invitees are stated on the envelope, ie, Mr. and Mrs. Smith (both are invited) or the Smith family (the couple and their children are invited) or Mr. Smith (just Mr. Smith is invited).  The response card might also restate this for emphasis (Mr. Smith will/will not be attending).  I've never been to a wedding where both spouses were not invited, but the "plus 1" for unmarried guests was uncommon unless they were engaged or in a long term serious relationship.

Actually the most recent time this happened was last week. And indeed, it was addressed to "Mr Imma", so he texted his friend whether the invitation was meant for just him or for both of us, and his friend answered it was just for him, for budget reasons. We had honestly always thought the couple were well off, but they had to make a few choices that they themselves described as painful, so maybe there's a change of circumstances that we aren't aware of.

I have to say this is an old highschool/college friend, so someone he is close to but who is only a vague acquaintance for me. Most of the weddings where we didn't get a +1 were that type of weddings - coworkers or highschool/college friends who were really only friends with one half of the couple.

In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

I used to do long term contract work for a military unit.   When it came time for the summer picnic or winter holiday party,  each new unit commander would have a different policy about whether contractors could come to the party or not.   We contractors just took it in stride.  One year, contractors could come but not their spouses.    That pissed me off.

So I went to the unit commander's office and spoke to his secretary, whom I was on friendly terms with.   I mentioned the party invites and said, very curtly, "I do not go to the kind of parties my wife is not welcome at."

A few days later a "clarification" on the party was sent out and spouses could attend.

FU money and social capital are wonderful things.

I have never been to a work party were the spouses have been invited. The only time I have heard of was when my fathers employer had a 100 year celebration but that was a special occasion. I can’t even fathom why somebody would like to go to their spouses office parties.

I have also never worked somewhere where spouses were invited to office parties, but I think we are both Europeans and @SwordGuy is in the US so maybe it's common over there? I was very surprised to be invited to a big Christmas party at Mr Imma's workplace a few years ago but that's a very, very informal environment and I know all of his coworkers, because he's in hospitality and I go there as a customer sometimes. It was a lot of fun.

rockstache

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3087 on: July 05, 2021, 11:44:39 AM »
I think most Americans would not attend a wedding if their spouse or long term partner were not invited. That seems very strange to me. My office always invites a plus one to the parties, but I think that is in part due to the bill of goods that the American workplace is trying to sell to the employee, that “We are a Family.” Or maybe that’s just my office.

The biggest fight I got into about my wedding was the rehearsal dinner. My in laws insisted on paying for it, and I insisted on including the spouses of the out of towners (3 extra people). They traveled hundreds of miles for their spouse to be in my wedding, I was not going to have them sitting in a hotel eating dinner alone. MIL argued this was too expensive. I argued that I would pay for it and hold it at a local pizza parlor, inclusiveness being more important to me than optics. She was horrified that people might think that a pizza dinner was her being cheap (In laws traditionally pay for the rehearsal dinner - not that I gave a hoot about tradition or her paying for it), and ended up relenting and just covering the spouses at the restaurant of her choice. If I had a do over, I would have done things very differently with her from day one. We have magnificent boundaries now!

Jenny Wren

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3088 on: July 05, 2021, 02:05:28 PM »
In my experience (US) there are office parties and work parties. Office parties are typically held onsite and they are  more casual and only for work colleagues and maybe a vendor or two. You'd never bring a +1 to an office party. Work parties are typically held off-site, may be a bit formal, and include +1 or even full family invites (such as the company picnics I was dragged to as a child). I've been to office holiday parties that were held in a decorated break room or at a table in a restaurant, and I've work holiday parties where we all dressed up, brought a date, and hung out at a catered ballroom at the local HoJo.

ExShredder89

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3089 on: July 05, 2021, 02:22:24 PM »
In my experience (US) there are office parties and work parties. Office parties are typically held onsite and they are  more casual and only for work colleagues and maybe a vendor or two. You'd never bring a +1 to an office party. Work parties are typically held off-site, may be a bit formal, and include +1 or even full family invites (such as the company picnics I was dragged to as a child). I've been to office holiday parties that were held in a decorated break room or at a table in a restaurant, and I've work holiday parties where we all dressed up, brought a date, and hung out at a catered ballroom at the local HoJo.

This is my experience too. The "a couple beers with coworkers, because why not?" type parties are usually just for one team or geographical office, and they don't really have the concept of +1s (though if someone's SO works nearby, it wouldn't be a big deal if they popped in for a drink). Then there's the anniversary or winter holiday type party, which is a SOs invited affair.

I like it at my current job, because the workforce is a little older and more diverse than the bro-y startups I've worked at in the past, so I'm friendly with a lot of my colleagues outside of a work context. That makes they're simultaneously more relaxed and more enjoyable affairs where it's just having a couple of drinks with coworkers and their SOs.

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3090 on: July 05, 2021, 02:39:27 PM »
I guess every thing I've ever been invited to at work was an office party then, and not a work party. In most workplaces they are during or right after work hours (like 3 to 7 or something) and it's often either at work or you travel with your coworkers to the party location and back to the office, where everyone goes their seperate ways. None of the parties I've been to required dressing up, we all just wear our regular office clothes.

OtherJen

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3091 on: July 05, 2021, 03:45:28 PM »
In my experience (US) there are office parties and work parties. Office parties are typically held onsite and they are  more casual and only for work colleagues and maybe a vendor or two. You'd never bring a +1 to an office party. Work parties are typically held off-site, may be a bit formal, and include +1 or even full family invites (such as the company picnics I was dragged to as a child). I've been to office holiday parties that were held in a decorated break room or at a table in a restaurant, and I've work holiday parties where we all dressed up, brought a date, and hung out at a catered ballroom at the local HoJo.

Yep, this. Husband's former employer (biotech) used to throw big, flashy holiday parties, and spouses/partners were always invited. My grad department also threw big holiday parties, and families were invited. In other departments, each lab group did its own holiday thing, and those were usually just long lunches or dinners right after work, so just the employees attended.

I don't think I've ever been invited to a wedding without also receiving an invitation for my husband. It just isn't done. In my family/cultural background, you invite both or neither (i.e., it's better to have a smaller wedding than to invite only certain members of a family/friend tier). If the budget were tight, it would be considered far, far less offensive (not at all offensive, actually) to have a small wedding with only immediate family and close friends than to have a larger wedding but only invite some first cousins but not others, friends without their partners, etc.

Imma

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3092 on: July 05, 2021, 04:15:36 PM »
Personally I would also prefer to not split up couples. I would rather have a less impressive venue or a simpler menu than not inviting partners or not serving a meal and have an open bar.

I think this is a social shift that happened in my generation, because the first few weddings I was invited to I still lived at home and my parents were shocked there was a) no reception and b) no +1. In my country the reception after the wedding was a public event where people not invited to the evening party could congratulate the couple and their parents. My parents had wanted to go to congratulate my highschool friend but couldn't because there was no reception. I don't think any wedding I've been to had a reception.

In my generation socializing without your partner has become the norm. My parents and all their friends and spouses met in highschool and did everything together. In my generation most people have seperate college friends, work friends, sports team friends... I only know a handful of their partners very well. Mr Imma's friend that didn't invite me, I hardly know him and would not recognize him in a crowd. Neither of us have met the bride. So it doesn't feel very weird. It would be weird if it was a couple we both know well and hang out with together and they would still only invite one of us.

Plina

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3093 on: July 05, 2021, 09:45:54 PM »
In my experience (US) there are office parties and work parties. Office parties are typically held onsite and they are  more casual and only for work colleagues and maybe a vendor or two. You'd never bring a +1 to an office party. Work parties are typically held off-site, may be a bit formal, and include +1 or even full family invites (such as the company picnics I was dragged to as a child). I've been to office holiday parties that were held in a decorated break room or at a table in a restaurant, and I've work holiday parties where we all dressed up, brought a date, and hung out at a catered ballroom at the local HoJo.

The christmas party have been what you would call a work party but it has never been a +1 event.

I think most Americans would not attend a wedding if their spouse or long term partner were not invited. That seems very strange to me. My office always invites a plus one to the parties, but I think that is in part due to the bill of goods that the American workplace is trying to sell to the employee, that “We are a Family.” Or maybe that’s just my office.


I find the ”we are a family” concept a bit funny as it seems you can be fired pretty easily. We are family as long as I please you...

talltexan

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3094 on: July 13, 2021, 08:45:54 AM »
I think even having a wedding is based on other conditions in the life. It will be interesting to see how the one year gap caused by this pandemic affects what people expect from their friends for wedding attendance (and attendants).

dragoncar

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3095 on: July 14, 2021, 12:28:19 AM »

I find the ”we are a family” concept a bit funny as it seems you can be fired pretty easily. We are family as long as I please you...

The old olive garden slogan always got me like that.  "When you're here, you're family!  As long as you pay your f'in bill because if not you're dead to us."

ixtap

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3096 on: July 14, 2021, 04:35:03 AM »

I find the ”we are a family” concept a bit funny as it seems you can be fired pretty easily. We are family as long as I please you...

The old olive garden slogan always got me like that.  "When you're here, you're family!  As long as you pay your f'in bill because if not you're dead to us."

I figure if a company is talking about family, it is going to be like the side of my family we don't talk to, not the side we love to hang out with.

Plina

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3097 on: July 14, 2021, 06:47:13 AM »

I find the ”we are a family” concept a bit funny as it seems you can be fired pretty easily. We are family as long as I please you...

The old olive garden slogan always got me like that.  "When you're here, you're family!  As long as you pay your f'in bill because if not you're dead to us."

I figure if a company is talking about family, it is going to be like the side of my family we don't talk to, not the side we love to hang out with.

Like the pain in the ass relative that you tolerate a couple of times per year because they are family.

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3098 on: July 15, 2021, 10:06:56 AM »
In my social circle, +1's have become almost unheard of. Mr Imma and I have so far only been to one wedding together.
I'm curious how they convey this...is it delicately mentioned on the invitation?  I've seen the "this event is for adults" (translation: leave your kids at home) but not this.

We got married just a few months ago and it wasn't really a question of phrasing it delicately.  I just baldly stated on the invitation to "please leave unmarried significant others at home."  We were limited to a specific number of people by the venue, and I didn't feel that my 15 and 17 year old nieces needed to bring their high school boyfriends. 

As it turned out, there were only 2 unmarried adult couples, and they brought their SOs anyway.  I don't know if they didn't see the comment on the invite, or just chose to ignore it.

charis

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Re: Overheard at Work 2
« Reply #3099 on: July 15, 2021, 10:57:42 AM »
It's hard to draw the line, but I'm sure are some domestic partnerships that are quite "serious" without being legally married. I felt snubbed when I wasn't invited to my spouse's cousin's wedding with him when we had been dating for almost 7 years, living together at the time, and spent holidays with that part of the family.  It's not really here nor there, but the couple divorced about 5 years later.