Reading over the Family Member Fails, I thought of one of my own.
A cousin of mine is a sophomore at a 3rd tier college playing soccer and studying business. After some discussion over Christmas break it's obvious he's studying business for the money (can you believe it!?!?) so I tell him that it would be crucial to try and get an internship over the summer at a big bank or hedge fund.
Wanting to show off to family members, I tell him I can help if he's interested. He is.
Now, I have ONE favor I can exercise in this arena, and only one, from a guy whose marriage I may have saved.
March comes. I reach out to my cousin. "Hey, are you still interested?" He is.
I reach out to the guy, who says.....
"We only give internships to Columbia Business School students. However, put me in touch, and I'll personally handle it."
I email my cousin. No reply. I follow up with an email and text. Nothing. I message his dad, and then him again.
Finally, I call a rich uncle who makes my cousin reply. He says.....
"I really need to make money over the summer, so I think I'll just wait tables."
"Do both," I tell him. "You said you wanted me to do this for you. And this opportunity will never come again."
"I have a soccer tournament, too," he said.
He's a D-3 player who gets 10 minutes a game. If anything, he should be in camps, not tournaments.
Having 2 other cousins studying business, I presented it to their father. He said, "Jack is at Merrill Lynch this Summer and Joe is at JP Morgan." I'm like, what the fuck? I never even knew that anyone I knew had these connections. But, apparently, they save them for their sons.
I went back to the guy who now used to owe me a favor. Obviously, he took it well.
LESSON LEARNED: I finally learned why so many people are so stingy with what they can do for others, because if I had to do it over again, I'd save this for my own kids.