Author Topic: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts  (Read 3878 times)

Apples

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Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« on: October 09, 2014, 10:16:20 AM »
A bit of background:  2 months ago my cousin moved in with us.  She is in her late 20's and divorcing her cheating, lying husband.  She quit her part time jobs and moved 1.5 hrs to here, which is where her extended family lives.  We have extra bedrooms and a bathroom and offered to have her live with us for "a few months".  That has solidified to a January deadline.  She needs a job and apartment by then.  Her BA in Psych doesn't help her job prospects beyond receptionist.  She doesn't have any sort of emergency fund, expensive lawyer payments for the little bit of money she did have, and now no income.  I think at this point she's spending money being given to her by her mom and my mom.  My parents are good financially and can do this, but my mom is getting tired of helping her niece out.  My cousin is always saying how she doesn't know how she'll ever afford living on her own.  I've gently guided her to budgeting and even had her read Dave Ramsey so she would know there are other people in the world watching how much they spend (I also felt he would be on her level).

So, today she's feeding her 1.5 year old lunch, and he brings me his trash to throw out.  It's a squeeze bag of "Organic Whole Milk Baby Yogurt".   I can't believe this actually exists, first of all.  And what really gets me is with what money is she buying expensive stuff like this?  I don't have a kid, so maybe this really is the best way to consume yogurt, but WHAT?  She's spending other people's money!  On expensive fancy yogurt!  This is one of several examples I've seen in the last two months.  And I thought we were wasteful when we don't quite eat all the salad greens before they go bad or get one bag of a premade meal each week.  This is a level I didn't even know existed!

LennStar

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2014, 11:59:57 AM »
What is bad / especially expensive on just plain, normal yoghurt like everyone was eating it 50 years ago?

Let me guess: the label?

thd7t

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #2 on: October 09, 2014, 12:14:37 PM »
What is bad / especially expensive on just plain, normal yoghurt like everyone was eating it 50 years ago?

Let me guess: the label?
It's actually hard to find plain normal yogurt if you don't want low fat at my grocery store.  I think it's only in every few weeks.
This product is still ridiculous, though.  Squeeze bags are such wasteful packaging.  And expensive!

Bob W

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #3 on: October 09, 2014, 12:17:48 PM »
BA in Psych here myself.   Never been a receptionist.  She should qualify for a multitude of jobs in the mental health field.  I wish I had gone on for a Psy'd personally and this may be an option for her. 

I'm thinking it is Oct. 9th today.  With no money and no job I don't see a January deadline as being realistic.   

Is she using the WIC program for the child?   She probably doesn't use formula anymore.  It would have paid for most of that.  At this point it should still have close to $100 in food per month for that baby. 

Also, regarding her lying cheating husband.  I hope she is receiving her child support?  If not, have her contact child support enforcement in your state.   

You doing a good thing.   I always freak out when our 22 year old daughter buys 3 dollar Starbucks and she barely has enough income to live on with a huge student loan debt. (another story)  I've been reminding myself that I can't tell other people how to live their life. 

Apples

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #4 on: October 09, 2014, 04:58:48 PM »
Quote
Let me guess: the label?

My personal opinion is that worrying about labels beyond basic nutrition is a luxury a person that literally has $0 doesn't get to worry about.

Quote
It's actually hard to find plain normal yogurt if you don't want low fat at my grocery store.  I think it's only in every few weeks.
This product is still ridiculous, though.  Squeeze bags are such wasteful packaging.  And expensive!

I agree; it is hard to get "normal" yogurt.  But that is a far cry from what was eaten at lunch today!  I always thought 6-figure income households are the types that buy those sorts of products.

Quote
I'm thinking it is Oct. 9th today.  With no money and no job I don't see a January deadline as being realistic. 

When she moved in with us in August, that was originally a 5 month deadline, which I thought was reasonable.  Also, I'm 1.5 years out of college, my husband and I have been living together 11 months, and married for 2.75 months.  We decided that we can handle about 5 months of having her with us, but in short order for our own relationship we need to get back to figuring out life together privately.  In two months, she has gotten 1 job interview.  And she might job search seriously for up to 10 hours a week.  I think she needs the fear of poverty to be put deep in her heart (with a strict move out deadline) for some actual progress.  She's gone to the gym 3 times this week, and in 2 months has spent over $100 on new clothes for herself.  She may end up moving into my old bedroom in my parents house if worst comes to worst. 

As to your questions about child support/WIC/etc.  They are in the waiting period between filing for divorce and actually signing the paperwork.  Her husband is paying her car payment, staying in the house and paying the mortgage, and covering her cell bill.  They are considering 50/50 custody, but that has to be worked out still.  He's in social work so if he owes child support I have faith that he'll pay it.  So if she can land a job, she has between then and the first week of January to save everything that doesn't go to food and possibly some clothes for her son.  And her mother has paid for the family meetup they had planned in Florida prior to the divorce (a plane ticket and hotel stay for 4 days), and for her gas to visit their house twice (6 tanks for those 2 trips), and other frivolous spending.  This is a long way to say I think January is a pretty good deadline.  Or at that time other people can step up, because I think we're going to cross the line from helping to enabling soon.

She hasn't looked into any social programs, and I am also practicing not telling other people how to live their lives (she did ask a bit about budgeting and how we afford things like a car repair bill).  But I'm not perfect, so I came on here to rant about some wildly fancy and expensive yogurt for a toddler from a mom with no money.  We want to help and know we're doing a good thing, but at the same time want to limit the change of getting used.  My cousin left her son at my parent's house for "2 hours" for his nap while she ran 1 errand...6 hours later my mom called her to ask when she was coming back, b/c they had dinner plans and were going to be late if she didn't come soon.  So she's been known to use people and take the easy way out.  I think the fear of poverty might push her in the right direction.

MrsPete

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #5 on: October 09, 2014, 06:03:17 PM »
Whole-milk yogurt may be difficult to buy, but it's super easy to make. 

When my kids were small, I always thought these expensive, prepackaged items were worthwhile to have on hand for outings (because they're cheaper and more healthful than buying fast food or other quick items, and they don't require refrigeration), but they are too expensive for every day use at home.  Okay, they didn't have squeeze packs when my kids were toddlers, so I'm really talking about juice boxes. 

Serious question:  If she has nothing right now and probably doesn't even realize she's being wasteful, she's not going to meet your January deadline (Christmas won't help, especially because the kids are only little once!  You've gotta understand!).  What are you going to do then?  Change the locks while she's out?  Drive her to the homeless shelter with her toddler?  In all likelihood, you're going to face this problem.  It'd be wise to consider how you're going to handle it. 


gimp

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #6 on: October 09, 2014, 06:33:09 PM »
She's also likely still mopey from divorce stuff, as far as job hunting goes. It's hard to balance being supportive and enabling. I do agree with MrsPete: five months is a long time, long enough for someone to get comfortable and not want to leave.

bonjourliz

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2014, 07:36:48 PM »
What is bad / especially expensive on just plain, normal yoghurt like everyone was eating it 50 years ago?

Let me guess: the label?
It's actually hard to find plain normal yogurt if you don't want low fat at my grocery store.  I think it's only in every few weeks.
This product is still ridiculous, though.  Squeeze bags are such wasteful packaging.  And expensive!
We use reusable squeezies (brand is squooshi, and lids from disposable squeezies work on them FYI). Fill them with yogurt, applesauce, smoothies... I always keep some smoothie ones in the freezer for lunches.  They melt just enough by mid-day. Great way to feed little kids but yes, super expensive store-bought. 

Apples

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #8 on: October 10, 2014, 04:48:59 AM »
Quote
Serious question:  If she has nothing right now and probably doesn't even realize she's being wasteful, she's not going to meet your January deadline (Christmas won't help, especially because the kids are only little once!  You've gotta understand!).  What are you going to do then?  Change the locks while she's out?  Drive her to the homeless shelter with her toddler?  In all likelihood, you're going to face this problem.  It'd be wise to consider how you're going to handle it.

I also doubt she'll truly meet the January deadline, but I can sure make it seem like she has to with repeated "So where do you think you're going to move to next month?" type questions.  DH and I have already decided she can actually stay w/ us until February, but at that point she needs to go somewhere else.  We both work 40 hours or less in the winter, and we all will get tired of each other pretty quickly anyway I think.  At that point, I think worst case is we will cobble together a short list of apartments, tell her to choose one and we will pay the deposit/first month's rent.  Or she might go live in my parent's house, where she'll have one bedroom and a shared bathroom (but they have a second tv to watch!)*.

Also, with the amount of traveling and clothes buying she's done, and lawyer fees, I'm pretty sure my mom and her mom have paid probably close to rent each month she's been here.  So if she has to I think she can get money elsewhere.

So we have thought a lot about this, and thanks for the thoughts MrsPete!

Quote
She's also likely still mopey from divorce stuff, as far as job hunting goes. It's hard to balance being supportive and enabling. I do agree with MrsPete: five months is a long time, long enough for someone to get comfortable and not want to leave.

Yes, I agree gimp.  However he has been cheating on her for their entire marriage and she knew about it; she finally got fed up enough to leave.  If she was my sister, or even closer to my age, I would probably be more willing to support her longer.  But she's 5 years older than me, which makes our dynamic a little awkward now that I sort of have the "authority" of the relationship.

As my dad has said:  right now other people are paying all of her bills, she gets to hang around an empty house all day with her son and go to the park...why would she think she needs to find work?  This is the life!  Hence the deadline.

*She almost had my mom telling me that my parents were going to buy a second receiver so she could get separate tv in her room that my parent would pay for because if/when we watch TV at night, she feels in the way in our small living room and she has sports she wants to watch.  But she hasn't said any of this to us, so I'm not doing it until she does.  Again with the enabling feeling-let's make it nice and comfortable here so you never want to leave...or not.

MrsPete

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2014, 06:26:05 AM »
We all know that hindsight is 20/20, but it would've been a good idea to say she could stay with you . . . but she would have to give you X amount of money per month -- mandatory, enforced savings -- that you would hand back to her when she moved out, and that could've been her deposit, first rent, etc. 

sheepstache

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #10 on: October 10, 2014, 06:41:58 AM »
Quote
I'm thinking it is Oct. 9th today.  With no money and no job I don't see a January deadline as being realistic. 

When she moved in with us in August, that was originally a 5 month deadline, which I thought was reasonable. 

I don't think he was criticizing the deadline, just giving the assessment that it sounds like she doesn't have it together enough to pull it off.

It sounds like you're not planning to be a pushover, so that's good. Man, good luck.

eyePod

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #11 on: October 10, 2014, 08:05:59 AM »
What is bad / especially expensive on just plain, normal yoghurt like everyone was eating it 50 years ago?

Let me guess: the label?
It's actually hard to find plain normal yogurt if you don't want low fat at my grocery store.  I think it's only in every few weeks.
This product is still ridiculous, though.  Squeeze bags are such wasteful packaging.  And expensive!

Best luck we've had is a Mexican brand of yogurt. No added anything and it's whole fat. Why is low fat still a thing? It's been disproven as effective years ago but we still hang onto it for dear life. Eat one of those pounder bag of pretzels! Don't worry, it has 0 fat!

eyePod

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #12 on: October 10, 2014, 08:11:53 AM »
Quote
Let me guess: the label?

My personal opinion is that worrying about labels beyond basic nutrition is a luxury a person that literally has $0 doesn't get to worry about.

Quote
It's actually hard to find plain normal yogurt if you don't want low fat at my grocery store.  I think it's only in every few weeks.
This product is still ridiculous, though.  Squeeze bags are such wasteful packaging.  And expensive!

I agree; it is hard to get "normal" yogurt.  But that is a far cry from what was eaten at lunch today!  I always thought 6-figure income households are the types that buy those sorts of products.

Quote
I'm thinking it is Oct. 9th today.  With no money and no job I don't see a January deadline as being realistic. 

When she moved in with us in August, that was originally a 5 month deadline, which I thought was reasonable.  Also, I'm 1.5 years out of college, my husband and I have been living together 11 months, and married for 2.75 months.  We decided that we can handle about 5 months of having her with us, but in short order for our own relationship we need to get back to figuring out life together privately.  In two months, she has gotten 1 job interview.  And she might job search seriously for up to 10 hours a week.  I think she needs the fear of poverty to be put deep in her heart (with a strict move out deadline) for some actual progress.  She's gone to the gym 3 times this week, and in 2 months has spent over $100 on new clothes for herself.  She may end up moving into my old bedroom in my parents house if worst comes to worst. 

As to your questions about child support/WIC/etc.  They are in the waiting period between filing for divorce and actually signing the paperwork.  Her husband is paying her car payment, staying in the house and paying the mortgage, and covering her cell bill.  They are considering 50/50 custody, but that has to be worked out still.  He's in social work so if he owes child support I have faith that he'll pay it.  So if she can land a job, she has between then and the first week of January to save everything that doesn't go to food and possibly some clothes for her son.  And her mother has paid for the family meetup they had planned in Florida prior to the divorce (a plane ticket and hotel stay for 4 days), and for her gas to visit their house twice (6 tanks for those 2 trips), and other frivolous spending.  This is a long way to say I think January is a pretty good deadline.  Or at that time other people can step up, because I think we're going to cross the line from helping to enabling soon.

She hasn't looked into any social programs, and I am also practicing not telling other people how to live their lives (she did ask a bit about budgeting and how we afford things like a car repair bill).  But I'm not perfect, so I came on here to rant about some wildly fancy and expensive yogurt for a toddler from a mom with no money.  We want to help and know we're doing a good thing, but at the same time want to limit the change of getting used.  My cousin left her son at my parent's house for "2 hours" for his nap while she ran 1 errand...6 hours later my mom called her to ask when she was coming back, b/c they had dinner plans and were going to be late if she didn't come soon.  So she's been known to use people and take the easy way out.  I think the fear of poverty might push her in the right direction.

She better have already paid for that gym bill before all this went down. If she keeps going, I'd freak out. tell her to go run around the block a few times! You can even drive the car behind revving the engine her for some extra motivation!

My SIL isn't in good shape mentally/financially. If the sh*t goes down and she does need to move in, we are establishing very firm ground rules before she moves in. I'm going to let her know that these are my rules in my house. If you CHOOSE to ignore them, you will not be welcome.

You and your spouse are newlyweds, trying to figure out a lot of new things (moved in together recently, just married, etc.). Now she's screwing up your stuff with her crap. That must be tough.

Have you guys laid out expectations/rules/etc? I'm sure having a child involved makes everything more emotional too.

Apples

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Re: Organic whole milk baby squeeze pack yogurts
« Reply #13 on: October 10, 2014, 12:26:50 PM »
Quote
We all know that hindsight is 20/20, but it would've been a good idea to say she could stay with you . . . but she would have to give you X amount of money per month -- mandatory, enforced savings -- that you would hand back to her when she moved out, and that could've been her deposit, first rent, etc.

MrsPete you are a wise woman.  We did actually consider this, or a variation of it.  Instead of rent (because my DH and I pay a fairly low rent for this house), we were going to ask her to pay 1/3 of any heat bill that comes in while she's here.  For reference, we paid about $100/week for heating oil last winter, so that's about $140 a month.  Because that's an expense that will actually increase with her in the 1/3 of the house we didn't heat at all last year.  But then we would hand it to her when she left.  But that would be once she has a job.  We also didn't choose to charge rent because I know my mom and aunt are the ones giving her money to get by (when she moved in she had $800 to her name and had a car inspection and new tires to get) so I'd feel really weird asking for money basically from my mom that would so happen to travel through my cousin to me.  At that point my mom should just contribute to an apartment.

Quote
It sounds like you're not planning to be a pushover, so that's good.
In recent years I've noticed that I'm a bit of a people pleaser, and have only begun to really stand firm in the last 1.5 years or so, which I think is part of the reason I'm working hard to not be a pushover and get used while also do a good thing to help someone I love out. 

Quote
She better have already paid for that gym bill before all this went down. If she keeps going, I'd freak out.
Nope, but she got a deal where childcare was free and half off classes so it's only a fraction of what it should cost!  And it's helping her release stress in her stressful situation!  She also bought her dog (a boxer, who also lives with us) a birthday treat for its birthday.  Some sort of special chewbone thing.

It's a little tough but she does try to stay out of the way.  Fortunately we were mostly just hanging out with those 2 extra bedrooms and bathrooms upstairs in the house, and everything she has with her is up there, save for a cabinet we cleaned out for her to put food in.  In fact the only annoying overlap is in the fridge, which is now stunningly full going from 2 to 4 people.  We talked A LOT about this before she moved in for what we originally thought would be 6 or 8 weeks, then stretched, and we finally set the January deadline.  We are not giving her money for anything, and have a firm-ish deadline on her staying with us (with some pre-planned 'grace' we can show her for an extra month while she panics a bit till February).  She's very neat and goes to my parent's house two evenings a week for dinner to try to give us some space. 

I'm learning that you can't tell other people how to live, even when you know it would help, and in conversations with her I don't show any of these gripes, b/c we have that deadline that I'm sticking to.  Yesterday just went over a line with the organic baby whole fat yogurt squeeze thing.  That's the only way I know right now to not freak out on her.  Which would not be healthy or good.