Author Topic: NYT Article on Parents Keeping Children on Financial Life Support  (Read 14959 times)

Abe

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1235
Re: NYT Article on Parents Keeping Children on Financial Life Support
« Reply #50 on: October 19, 2015, 07:22:21 PM »
This is fairly common in Asian families; my wife and I lived in a house my parents paid the mortgage on, until I started my first full-time job at age 25. They paid for our down payment at that time also (got us a much lower interest rate than otherwise). If that threatened their retirement or financial stability, then we would've had to live in some dive apartment. I can't imagine risking their stability for us when we have at least 30 years of working ahead and they have ~5-10.

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1648
Re: NYT Article on Parents Keeping Children on Financial Life Support
« Reply #51 on: October 20, 2015, 02:19:53 PM »
I lived in southern Italy for several years. Was not uncommon for folks who lived around the city to own a huge sprawling house with several generations of family living in it. We're talking five to ten bedrooms in some cases. Basically the parents, their children and their grandparents.

Children back then (20+ years ago) faced high unemployment (25%+ for certain age groups) and stayed home rather than trying to move out. They'd find a job and save money. Some would help with the family bills, some wouldn't. Some could then afford a house of their own cash.

Same as here - a mix of approaches but it was all new to me at the time.

I come from the American version of grow up, move out, sign up for a mortgage and spend your adult life trying to achieve what your elders did - and you do it all with your own money. Whether you get a free education or not depends. ;)

Bearded Man

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1142
Re: NYT Article on Parents Keeping Children on Financial Life Support
« Reply #52 on: October 20, 2015, 02:41:37 PM »
I have many "friends" like this, though I'm cutting them out of my life. It's hard to hang out with someone who is in their mid thirties and makes $15 an hour even after all the help their parents have given them, paying for cars, housing, school, weddings, etc.

Meanwhile I stood on my own two feet since 18, make 150K a year, own three houses, and have 500K NW. When the four of us hang out, I make more than all three of them combined. Sure, I'm not average, but they had ALL the advantages, while I had every disadvantage, and I still made it while they didn't. Over time, I've come to realize these people are dumb AND lazy, so I've decided to cut them out of my life lest I start to think like them.

Vertical Mode

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 504
  • Location: Boston, MA
Re: NYT Article on Parents Keeping Children on Financial Life Support
« Reply #53 on: October 20, 2015, 09:58:16 PM »
I had a feeling that by the time I got here, someone would have beaten me to posting a link to this story. Lo and behold, here it is!

I facepalmed so hard about 3 paragraphs in:

"...Her daughter, who is in her 20s, was not able to find a good-paying job and ended up moving in with her mother. That was just the beginning. Ms. Illiano co-signed for a leased car, repaid some of her daughter’s credit card debt and even paid for her nails, vacations and some clothes."

The cognitive dissonance was so bad I could barely finish the article. The good news is, since this young lady is only in her 20's, there is plenty of time to correct course. We all gotta start somewhere, right?

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1648
Re: NYT Article on Parents Keeping Children on Financial Life Support
« Reply #54 on: October 21, 2015, 08:43:14 AM »
I dated this girl "once upon a time". It seemed a bit serious there for a while.

We had dated before I went into the military. She had visited me overseas and that's when I wondered if she was the "one".

I had my own place (w/ roommates), my own money, we traveled all over the country for a couple of weeks. Went where we wanted to go, kept the hours we wanted to keep, etc. We talked about the future a little, etc. It was all so "grown up".

Near the end of my military time I visited her at her parents' home. This was within a year or so after her graduation and in the mid-90s. She "couldn't" find a job i.e. couldn't figure how to transition from being a kid to an adult I guess. I can't remember but don't think she worked those typical teenager jobs most of us work and thus didn't know how to manage a job. Parents paid for everything.

There was no hope of any privacy for us at her parents' house and perhaps there shouldn't be. She seemed to have reverted to a younger age - like she was 18 or something living in her old bedroom. No privacy for us. Sibling kept sneaking up on us. I get it. ;)

It was like dating a high school girl. The visit couldn't be anything else but dinner with the fam, a bit of TV, chatting and small talk.

In the end we had a couple of "fatal flaws" that ended it for us. For me it was her inability to make use of her education and start grown up life. The other was a lack of cooperation and communication between us. I could not imagine raising children or managing household spending with an inability to work together towards a common goal better than we were capable of then.

She is one of several people my age that I think of when I hear about millenials living at home and having trouble getting started in adult life.  I'm Gen X, not a millenial. I think these choices to live at home and the inability to get career traction has been around for a long time but we are collectively paying more attention now. 

In each case I can think of it was the "kid's" fault for accepting the endless help from the parents and the parents enabling the child's desire to remain on the family meal ticket. Perhaps the "kid" thinks this is normal. The parents didn't shove the kid out the door when they were a teen after telling them to turn off the TV and video games. Go find a job kid! They also paid for everything the kid wanted to do. "I wanted to give my child what I didn't have at their age". I think the old term was "spoiled" or a "bit tarnished".

MMM articles and the forum ought to be mandatory reading for high schoolers.
« Last Edit: October 21, 2015, 09:01:16 AM by Joe Average »

Eric222

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 901
Re: NYT Article on Parents Keeping Children on Financial Life Support
« Reply #55 on: October 24, 2015, 09:37:28 AM »
Ugh. I couldn't even finish the article. 

I feel like I need repeated face punches just for having my parents help me get loans during my divorce and custody fight (which also had plenty of moments that made me deserve face punches - why couldn't my ex and I just compromise instead on throwing money at lawyers...).  The guilt of this much smaller thing (than the stuff in the article) is part of the motivation in my push towards a more mustachian way of life.