Author Topic: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum  (Read 8750 times)

Nederstash

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My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« on: August 08, 2016, 02:43:34 PM »
Sometimes I think I'm quite clearheaded about money, but then I do something that completely destroys my tenuous grasp at credibility.

A few months back, a good friend of mine was sick of her job and we had a good long talk about it. She was in tears, her boss was horrible and she made peanuts - especially compared to the revenue she was bringing in. She was constantly broke, disrespected and overworked. It honestly was a terrible job, I truly felt sorry for her. In the midst of the tears she mentioned she would need 6k to start her own business and of course, being the giant softie that I am, I immediately offered to lend it at 0% interest.

Whoops... talk about stupid impulsive decisions. I think twice about the price of cucumbers and here I was, blatantly offering 6k without even thinking about the methods of repayment. Okay, she's a dear friend, but damn, I immediately regretted saying that.

I could afford to lend it to her, but no matter what, don't lend to friends and family! Especially if they're more spendy than you are. I was very lucky that she ended up needing well over 10k after some calculations and that gave me an easy escape. She ended up borrowing from a business connection.

The reason why I'm so glad I didn't lend it, even if I can afford to lend 6k or even 10k, is because she's not as frugal as I am. For the past few months I've watched her spend literally thousands on things she definitely didn't need. No, I am not kidding. Purebred puppy, getting nails done, drinks and restaurants, clothes, fun days out. Not that I begrudge her any of these things, she enjoys them and she's had a tough time. But she's indebted to someone and she just treats the minimum payments as just another bill. It just made my hackles rise - what if I'd lent her the money and I'd seen her blow cash like that instead of repaying? I'm not sure our friendship would be the same...

What about you guys, any facepalm-worthy generosity/stupidity?

Chris22

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2016, 02:50:06 PM »
Sometimes I think I'm quite clearheaded about money, but then I do something that completely destroys my tenuous grasp at credibility.

A few months back, a good friend of mine was sick of her job and we had a good long talk about it. She was in tears, her boss was horrible and she made peanuts - especially compared to the revenue she was bringing in. She was constantly broke, disrespected and overworked. It honestly was a terrible job, I truly felt sorry for her. In the midst of the tears she mentioned she would need 6k to start her own business and of course, being the giant softie that I am, I immediately offered to lend it at 0% interest.

Whoops... talk about stupid impulsive decisions. I think twice about the price of cucumbers and here I was, blatantly offering 6k without even thinking about the methods of repayment. Okay, she's a dear friend, but damn, I immediately regretted saying that.

I could afford to lend it to her, but no matter what, don't lend to friends and family! Especially if they're more spendy than you are. I was very lucky that she ended up needing well over 10k after some calculations and that gave me an easy escape. She ended up borrowing from a business connection.

The reason why I'm so glad I didn't lend it, even if I can afford to lend 6k or even 10k, is because she's not as frugal as I am. For the past few months I've watched her spend literally thousands on things she definitely didn't need. No, I am not kidding. Purebred puppy, getting nails done, drinks and restaurants, clothes, fun days out. Not that I begrudge her any of these things, she enjoys them and she's had a tough time. But she's indebted to someone and she just treats the minimum payments as just another bill. It just made my hackles rise - what if I'd lent her the money and I'd seen her blow cash like that instead of repaying? I'm not sure our friendship would be the same...

What about you guys, any facepalm-worthy generosity/stupidity?

Which is why the one time I borrowed money from a relative (at my wife's insistence) I made a signed payment agreement a prerequisite.  I don't want someone looking at my habits and saying "well, he's got money for that but not money to pay me back" if we agreed upon a payment schedule.  As an MMMer, you should appreciate that she's making the minimum payments on a 0% loan because TMV, why pay early???

Lunasol

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2016, 02:50:54 PM »
I was in the same position as you, with my aunt. She was separated from her husband, living with my parents, in debt with several clothing stores, credit cards and friends.

She mentioned being in debt with a friend, and I kindly said I could lend her the money. A few days later I found out that was only one of her debts! So I freaked out and I guess she noticed because we just never mentioned the topic again until one day she mentioned she might not need my help after all, phew!!

But like your friend, she's a spendypants, not frugal, one of her debts she got into because she was starting a new job and needed new clothes, it seemed silly to me to buy clothes because she hadn't even started working, hadn't even gotten her first check etc. She ended up not being hired after all, or quit, or something. So yeah, that was a good lesson.

Don't lend unless you can really trust the person will pay you back, or if you can survive without getting your money back.

Bicycle_B

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2016, 02:57:23 PM »
I was in the same position as you, with my aunt. She was separated from her husband, living with my parents, in debt with several clothing stores, credit cards and friends.

She mentioned being in debt with a friend, and I kindly said I could lend her the money. A few days later I found out that was only one of her debts! So I freaked out and I guess she noticed because we just never mentioned the topic again until one day she mentioned she might not need my help after all, phew!!

But like your friend, she's a spendypants, not frugal, one of her debts she got into because she was starting a new job and needed new clothes, it seemed silly to me to buy clothes because she hadn't even started working, hadn't even gotten her first check etc. She ended up not being hired after all, or quit, or something. So yeah, that was a good lesson.

Don't lend unless you can really trust the person will pay you back, or if you can survive without getting your money back.

It's been said many times many ways.  If you lend money to a friend, one of them isn't coming back.

pbkmaine

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2016, 03:01:22 PM »
I never lend to anyone. If someone is in need and I can afford it, I give them the money. And tell them to pay it forward.

lizzzi

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2016, 03:32:03 PM »
+1

Nederstash

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #6 on: August 08, 2016, 04:41:37 PM »

Which is why the one time I borrowed money from a relative (at my wife's insistence) I made a signed payment agreement a prerequisite.  I don't want someone looking at my habits and saying "well, he's got money for that but not money to pay me back" if we agreed upon a payment schedule.  As an MMMer, you should appreciate that she's making the minimum payments on a 0% loan because TMV, why pay early???

Oh no, I offered 0% (as a friend). Her loan with the business partner is around 9% if I understood her correctly. But I must say she has balls of steel. She jumped into her own business with maybe 500 cash, no savings, a mortgage and 30k student loans. Her business is doing well now btw! She works hard and I'm really proud of her! Just really glad I can fully enjoy her success without money in the back of our minds.

Lyngi

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #7 on: August 08, 2016, 11:27:47 PM »
My poor mother, many years ago, lent her sister about 10K.  Maybe more, to buy equipment to start a business.  My mom took out a 401K loan.  Yep, Aunt made some payments, then stopped paying.  My dad kept making noises to Aunt about payments.  Eventually, a long time later, my aunt refinanced her house and paid my mom back. 

lhamo

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2016, 01:42:02 AM »
In 2007 I loaned about $5k to my best friend. She had gotten a postdoc from the Chinese get funding agency but needed to pay a large cash deposit in order to finaluze it (thus is how China tried to guarantee that people it funds will come back). I figured since it was a deposit she would repareit when  she came back.. but she never did. I tracked it in m6 spreadsheet for about five years, then eventually wrote it off. We are still friends but it has created some distance. I did promise her father long ago that I would help her go to the US to study (their family gave me amazing support during my doctoral research) so I kind of frame it in my own head as part of that deal. Easier to accept now that I am FIREd, too.

Making Cookies

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2016, 07:52:43 AM »

Which is why the one time I borrowed money from a relative (at my wife's insistence) I made a signed payment agreement a prerequisite.  I don't want someone looking at my habits and saying "well, he's got money for that but not money to pay me back" if we agreed upon a payment schedule.  As an MMMer, you should appreciate that she's making the minimum payments on a 0% loan because TMV, why pay early???

Oh no, I offered 0% (as a friend). Her loan with the business partner is around 9% if I understood her correctly. But I must say she has balls of steel. She jumped into her own business with maybe 500 cash, no savings, a mortgage and 30k student loans. Her business is doing well now btw! She works hard and I'm really proud of her! Just really glad I can fully enjoy her success without money in the back of our minds.

So which bathroom does she use when visiting North Carolina? ;)

What kind of business?

Lunasol

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2016, 08:29:01 AM »
I was in the same position as you, with my aunt. She was separated from her husband, living with my parents, in debt with several clothing stores, credit cards and friends.

She mentioned being in debt with a friend, and I kindly said I could lend her the money. A few days later I found out that was only one of her debts! So I freaked out and I guess she noticed because we just never mentioned the topic again until one day she mentioned she might not need my help after all, phew!!

But like your friend, she's a spendypants, not frugal, one of her debts she got into because she was starting a new job and needed new clothes, it seemed silly to me to buy clothes because she hadn't even started working, hadn't even gotten her first check etc. She ended up not being hired after all, or quit, or something. So yeah, that was a good lesson.

Don't lend unless you can really trust the person will pay you back, or if you can survive without getting your money back.

It's been said many times many ways.  If you lend money to a friend, one of them isn't coming back.
Oh good quote!

elaine amj

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2016, 12:30:17 PM »
We did lend a few thousand dollars to a friend when he got into truck driving and wanted to buy his own truck. I wasn't in favour of it and warned DH it was likely we wouldn't get the money back (this friend had been struggling for a while). We finally decided to do it, after we agreed that we would be ok not getting the money back. They did pay it back, in installments over a few years. Thankfully the wife got a great, well-paying full time job a few years in (she had only been able to get entry level part time work for years before that). I believe (not sure) he has since given up the trucking business though.

It's so true though about money changing things. DH and I went into this agreeing that we would refuse to look at any of their spending habits or whatever purposes they used the money for. That helped a lot. They paid us when they could (and often asked us to postpone cashing in the prepaid cheques they gave us).

BTDretire

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #12 on: August 14, 2016, 05:54:27 PM »

The reason why I'm so glad I didn't lend it, even if I can afford to lend 6k or even 10k, is because she's not as frugal as I am. For the past few months I've watched her spend literally thousands on things she definitely didn't need. No, I am not kidding. Purebred puppy, getting nails done, drinks and restaurants, clothes, fun days out.
I like the way Markus Lemonis structures the deal when he loans money.
"Now if I give you this money I'm 100% in charge"
So, no, Purebred puppy, getting nails done, drinks and restaurants, clothes, fun days out.

Goldielocks

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #13 on: August 16, 2016, 05:17:36 PM »

Which is why the one time I borrowed money from a relative (at my wife's insistence) I made a signed payment agreement a prerequisite.  I don't want someone looking at my habits and saying "well, he's got money for that but not money to pay me back" if we agreed upon a payment schedule.  As an MMMer, you should appreciate that she's making the minimum payments on a 0% loan because TMV, why pay early???

We did that too.   Borrowed from DH's grandparents for our first home, with 6% APR interest and a amortized principal and interest payment, plus a clause to pay out the remainder after 5 years.  Complete with payment and interest schedule chart with remainder owning by month shown.

Even so, we started to have other family members "reminding" us that the bill to grandma was due next week.  (was not even late yet)..  Then they said "just give us the cheque and we will give it to her for you"...

NOPE.  Took 2 months and we 100% got out of that loan and converted to a bank loan at 6.5% interest.    So worth it.  Never loan to family.  (ok, except for funerals and medical and maybe bail)

bigalsmith101

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #14 on: August 16, 2016, 07:05:47 PM »
10 years ago, at age 19, like a true dumbass, I loaned my friend $4k to buy a motorcycle. I should say, I paid $4k for his motorcycle on MY credit card, and he took ownership of the motorcycle.

Fast forward. He paid me $100/mo, for 40 months. Oh yea, he paid me $4k, and screwed me out of $2400 in interest. I graduated college at about that time, was already employed, and paid off that b.s. dead beat account the first month in.

Now, he's married, his wife took a liking to being a stay at home mom, they have two kids, are up to their eyeballs in debt, and can't afford the lifestyle he thinks he deserves. We're not really friends anymore. He's too much of a dumbass to make sense of.

pa27pilot

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #15 on: August 16, 2016, 08:38:51 PM »

The reason why I'm so glad I didn't lend it, even if I can afford to lend 6k or even 10k, is because she's not as frugal as I am. For the past few months I've watched her spend literally thousands on things she definitely didn't need. No, I am not kidding. Purebred puppy, getting nails done, drinks and restaurants, clothes, fun days out.
I like the way Markus Lemonis structures the deal when he loans money.
"Now if I give you this money I'm 100% in charge"
So, no, Purebred puppy, getting nails done, drinks and restaurants, clothes, fun days out.

Which is a fine way to run a business transaction, but an awful way to keep friends. Which is why it is never a good idea. And yes, I have done it before with no bad luck to speak of, but there's just too much at risk.

Metric Mouse

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #16 on: August 21, 2016, 10:02:15 AM »
I never lend to anyone. If someone is in need and I can afford it, I give them the money. And tell them to pay it forward.

This. And I'm blessed to be able to afford it, and would never hold a true friend's spending habits as a reason to not help them when in need.

meghan88

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #17 on: August 23, 2016, 04:52:54 PM »
I loaned $20,000 to my bro-in-law about 10 years ago, to help him right a self-inflicted wrong on the business front.  He promised to me that without a doubt I'd be paid back within a year.  Took just over two years but I did get the money back, during which time I did my usual parsimonious living thing and they drove cars, ate out and took fancy trips. 

As a side note, that's how they've always lived and had things changed, my sister, who is very dear to me, would've known that something was up.  She's survived a ton of shit, including cancer four times over despite a fanatical dedication to healthy living.

Luckily, everyone in my family is now doing OK.  I don't foresee having to do that ever again.

RosieTR

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #18 on: August 23, 2016, 05:58:37 PM »
I once lent my brother $3 for a pack of cigarettes. I told him that if he didn't pay me back then I would never lend him money again. Best $3 I ever spent, because he's never paid me and I have a ready answer if he ever asks!

meghan88

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #19 on: August 23, 2016, 06:33:11 PM »
I once lent my brother $3 for a pack of cigarettes. I told him that if he didn't pay me back then I would never lend him money again. Best $3 I ever spent, because he's never paid me and I have a ready answer if he ever asks!

A most excellent observation.

Lindy

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #20 on: August 23, 2016, 09:26:29 PM »
I once lent my brother $3 for a pack of cigarettes. I told him that if he didn't pay me back then I would never lend him money again. Best $3 I ever spent, because he's never paid me and I have a ready answer if he ever asks!

Now that's thinking ahead!

LPeters

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #21 on: August 24, 2016, 12:31:50 AM »
Mmmhmmm. My favorite quote: '20 Dollars' from A Bronx Tale

https://youtu.be/78-4RobJQ0Y

Villanelle

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #22 on: August 24, 2016, 01:59:17 AM »

Which is why the one time I borrowed money from a relative (at my wife's insistence) I made a signed payment agreement a prerequisite.  I don't want someone looking at my habits and saying "well, he's got money for that but not money to pay me back" if we agreed upon a payment schedule.  As an MMMer, you should appreciate that she's making the minimum payments on a 0% loan because TMV, why pay early???

We did that too.   Borrowed from DH's grandparents for our first home, with 6% APR interest and a amortized principal and interest payment, plus a clause to pay out the remainder after 5 years.  Complete with payment and interest schedule chart with remainder owning by month shown.

Even so, we started to have other family members "reminding" us that the bill to grandma was due next week.  (was not even late yet)..  Then they said "just give us the cheque and we will give it to her for you"...

NOPE.  Took 2 months and we 100% got out of that loan and converted to a bank loan at 6.5% interest.    So worth it.  Never loan to family.  (ok, except for funerals and medical and maybe bail)

Our first house was the home my dad took as his part of the inheritance when his mom passed.  (It was slightly more than his share, so he paid some cash to his 2 siblings.)  Instead of getting a bank loan, he financed our mortgage.  It was a specific interest rate, with specific payment terms, and even a lien on the house.  It was never once a problem.  When we moved to a slightly larger townhouse, we kept that loan (transferring the lien to the new property) and got a bank mortgage for the rest.  Still no problems.  When we wanted to refi as rates fell but couldn't because the property was no longer owner occupied, my dad offered to do it for us.  So we used his money to pay of the bank mortgage, and once again our mortgage is 100% with my parents.  It has still never been a problem.  We've never missed a payment or been late. Mom faithfully logs each check in a ledger so there is proof of everything. 

I think the key was having very specified terms, so everyone knew what to expect.  And they could never balk at us going out to dinner or getting a new TV because the terms of the loan were being met. They lent my sister money for a down payment on her first house and I'm not privy to all the specifics,  but I believe it was just "pay us back when you can", and my impression is that there was some tension there.  But they learned their lesson and for me, it was set in stone. I never looked at the payment as optional or anything short of obligatory in the same way that the electric bill or the bank mortgage was.  It was always approached as a business transaction, from both sides, and we've all been very happy with the arrangement.

It doesn't always have to be a horror story.  A lot of it is how you approach it, and a lot more is knowing the person to whom you are lending and being realistic about their level of responsibility and respect. 

WerKater

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #23 on: August 24, 2016, 02:53:37 AM »

The reason why I'm so glad I didn't lend it, even if I can afford to lend 6k or even 10k, is because she's not as frugal as I am. For the past few months I've watched her spend literally thousands on things she definitely didn't need. No, I am not kidding. Purebred puppy, getting nails done, drinks and restaurants, clothes, fun days out.
I like the way Markus Lemonis structures the deal when he loans money.
"Now if I give you this money I'm 100% in charge"
So, no, Purebred puppy, getting nails done, drinks and restaurants, clothes, fun days out.

Which is a fine way to run a business transaction, but an awful way to keep friends. Which is why it is never a good idea. And yes, I have done it before with no bad luck to speak of, but there's just too much at risk.
It must also be exhausting. I don't want to tell people what to do. I have no interest in controlling anyone's life. I'm much too lazy for that. I agree with Villanelle that if you give a loan to someone, agree beforehand on the specifics of how and when to repay. Or just give it as a gift.
Otherwise, everyone just gets pissed at everyone else because everyone has different expectations. And there is no way to decide whose expectations are the correct ones, if you don't agree before. That pertains to many other situations in life as well.

Reynold

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #24 on: August 24, 2016, 09:00:50 AM »
After moving to a new state a few years back, the 19 year old guy next door, still living with his mom, with whom we had exchanged a dozen words when we first met 2 days earlier, asked to borrow $5 for gas so he could get to band practice.  I loaned him $10, figuring it was worth checking how reliable he was in case we wanted him to house sit or something.  I gave him one reminder after 4 months, and he said he would pay me back as soon as he got a job.  I didn't bring it up again, and about 9 months in he did pay me back out of the blue, after working for a couple of months at a music store.  So he was well  intentioned, but not terribly responsible.  I learned what I wanted to learn, and it was worth risking the small sum to do so. 

RetiredAt63

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #25 on: August 26, 2016, 07:12:12 AM »
We borrowed once from my family to buy the lot behind our house - we loved the woods and didn't want another house there, it would have been right in our back yard due to the layout.  We did a formal agreement, interest rate that a savings account would get, repayment schedule, and a bunch of post-dated cheques.  Totally business-like.  I was fine with that, thought it made a lot of sense.  My DH (now Ex) thought it was weird, why not just lend us the money without all the fuss.  Knowing him, a loan without all the fuss would have been paid back very slowly and irregularly, so this was a much better way to do it.

Goldielocks, post-dated cheques would have shut your relatives up fast - "don't worry, they already have the cheque".

canuck_24

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #26 on: August 26, 2016, 07:25:56 AM »

Which is why the one time I borrowed money from a relative (at my wife's insistence) I made a signed payment agreement a prerequisite.  I don't want someone looking at my habits and saying "well, he's got money for that but not money to pay me back" if we agreed upon a payment schedule.  As an MMMer, you should appreciate that she's making the minimum payments on a 0% loan because TMV, why pay early???

We did that too.   Borrowed from DH's grandparents for our first home, with 6% APR interest and a amortized principal and interest payment, plus a clause to pay out the remainder after 5 years.  Complete with payment and interest schedule chart with remainder owning by month shown.

Even so, we started to have other family members "reminding" us that the bill to grandma was due next week.  (was not even late yet)..  Then they said "just give us the cheque and we will give it to her for you"...

NOPE.  Took 2 months and we 100% got out of that loan and converted to a bank loan at 6.5% interest.    So worth it.  Never loan to family.  (ok, except for funerals and medical and maybe bail)

Our first house was the home my dad took as his part of the inheritance when his mom passed.  (It was slightly more than his share, so he paid some cash to his 2 siblings.)  Instead of getting a bank loan, he financed our mortgage.  It was a specific interest rate, with specific payment terms, and even a lien on the house.  It was never once a problem.  When we moved to a slightly larger townhouse, we kept that loan (transferring the lien to the new property) and got a bank mortgage for the rest.  Still no problems.  When we wanted to refi as rates fell but couldn't because the property was no longer owner occupied, my dad offered to do it for us.  So we used his money to pay of the bank mortgage, and once again our mortgage is 100% with my parents.  It has still never been a problem.  We've never missed a payment or been late. Mom faithfully logs each check in a ledger so there is proof of everything. 

I think the key was having very specified terms, so everyone knew what to expect.  And they could never balk at us going out to dinner or getting a new TV because the terms of the loan were being met. They lent my sister money for a down payment on her first house and I'm not privy to all the specifics,  but I believe it was just "pay us back when you can", and my impression is that there was some tension there.  But they learned their lesson and for me, it was set in stone. I never looked at the payment as optional or anything short of obligatory in the same way that the electric bill or the bank mortgage was.  It was always approached as a business transaction, from both sides, and we've all been very happy with the arrangement.

It doesn't always have to be a horror story.  A lot of it is how you approach it, and a lot more is knowing the person to whom you are lending and being realistic about their level of responsibility and respect.

I agree.  It definitely depends on the person you are intending to lend the money to, and how you set it all up.  We have had both successes, and failures with lending to family.

One of our success stories: We moved overseas a few years back and put our car up for sale.  We had purchased it new (I know, I know... not my most MMM moment) and it was only a year old.  At the same time my cousin had a crazy incident at a car wash where the nozzle blew off the pressure washer and smashed his windows and damaged the vehicle.  They were ready to sell their van and were looking to buy something similar to my car.  Woohoo, the stars aligned!  The downside of all of this, was that they didn't have $20,000 in cash laying around to just outright buy my car from me.  I didn't need the money immediately anyways so we made a very specific agreement regarding everything.

They paid an upfront cost of $5k (which was all I had remaining on my loan) and then an agreed upon monthly payment.  The loan was at 0% interest and I would do it again.  My cousin insisted on us going to the registry agents and putting a lien on the car so that if anything were to happen to them, there would be legal evidence that the car or remainder of the loan was ours.  I made it quite clear that I never wanted to discuss this Ė I didnít want to ever have to ask for the money, I had no intention of telling other family members that we had this agreement, etc.

It worked out just fine.  They paid back the loan early, they never missed a payment and often doubled the payment amount.  We never needed to discuss it beyond that.

Goldielocks

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #27 on: August 26, 2016, 05:50:21 PM »
We borrowed once from my family to buy the lot behind our house - we loved the woods and didn't want another house there, it would have been right in our back yard due to the layout.  We did a formal agreement, interest rate that a savings account would get, repayment schedule, and a bunch of post-dated cheques.  Totally business-like.  I was fine with that, thought it made a lot of sense.  My DH (now Ex) thought it was weird, why not just lend us the money without all the fuss.  Knowing him, a loan without all the fuss would have been paid back very slowly and irregularly, so this was a much better way to do it.

Goldielocks, post-dated cheques would have shut your relatives up fast - "don't worry, they already have the cheque".
Nope!  They assumed things about the finances, put their noses in, and demanded things that we none of their business. 
We had an automated monthly transfer set up, but still got the hassles from people who were not involved in the transactions.

RetiredAt63

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #28 on: August 27, 2016, 08:04:00 AM »
We borrowed once from my family to buy the lot behind our house - we loved the woods and didn't want another house there, it would have been right in our back yard due to the layout.  We did a formal agreement, interest rate that a savings account would get, repayment schedule, and a bunch of post-dated cheques.  Totally business-like.  I was fine with that, thought it made a lot of sense.  My DH (now Ex) thought it was weird, why not just lend us the money without all the fuss.  Knowing him, a loan without all the fuss would have been paid back very slowly and irregularly, so this was a much better way to do it.

Goldielocks, post-dated cheques would have shut your relatives up fast - "don't worry, they already have the cheque".
Nope!  They assumed things about the finances, put their noses in, and demanded things that we none of their business. 
We had an automated monthly transfer set up, but still got the hassles from people who were not involved in the transactions.
What busybodies.  And if they said it more than once, I hope you got really pissy at them.

Goldielocks

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Re: My narrow escape: I nearly ended up on this forum
« Reply #29 on: August 28, 2016, 08:54:56 PM »
We borrowed once from my family to buy the lot behind our house - we loved the woods and didn't want another house there, it would have been right in our back yard due to the layout.  We did a formal agreement, interest rate that a savings account would get, repayment schedule, and a bunch of post-dated cheques.  Totally business-like.  I was fine with that, thought it made a lot of sense.  My DH (now Ex) thought it was weird, why not just lend us the money without all the fuss.  Knowing him, a loan without all the fuss would have been paid back very slowly and irregularly, so this was a much better way to do it.

Goldielocks, post-dated cheques would have shut your relatives up fast - "don't worry, they already have the cheque".
Nope!  They assumed things about the finances, put their noses in, and demanded things that we none of their business. 
We had an automated monthly transfer set up, but still got the hassles from people who were not involved in the transactions.
What busybodies.  And if they said it more than once, I hope you got really pissy at them.

Well, pissy by Canadian methods.  We backed out quickly and have NEVER given them an opportunity to talk about (our) finances since, and created a bit more distance with the inlaws..  I even asked MIL point blank to stop telling me about the money she was spending on supporting SIL's lifestyle  (she kept justifying the outpatient care by saying my DH (her son) had xx at age 21, so SIL should too...and I would be put in a bad mood...  never mind that DH worked for his things and bought used...  argh - another thread topic, I know...)