Snort. I approve.
I let my sister trim my hair twice a year. Once when my hair reached my butt, I let her whack 10+ inches. No siblings or friends to do for you?
This works too, but for the future I mean.
I plan to make this the way of things in the future. My only sibling lives in a different country and we're barely on speaking terms since the FBI incident. I wouldn't trust him behind my back with a pair of scissors, frankly. I could probably impose on a friend but never got around to it.
The FBI incident...? Please elaborate.
I have an international family: Dad and I are Yankistani and Mom and my younger bro are Canuckistani. The family lives in Canuckistan but I moved to Yankistan almost 20 years ago for work. Now, where I work there are some E-mail filters. My sibling went on one of his customary drunken rants and E-mailed what amounts to a death threat. It hit the filters and got automatically escalated, so next thing I know there's this FBI chick in my office asking me why I'm getting a death threat from outside the country. The conversation, condensed and paraphrased a bit, went like this.
FBI: Is your brother capable of following through on his threat?
Me: Well, he's an outstanding shot, and he does hit what he aims at.
FBI: Has he threatened you in person or actually attacked you with a weapon before?
Me: Yes, on more than one occasion. It's normal behavior for him, and one of the reasons why I live in a different country.
FBI: Does he have access to guns?
Me: Yes, our parents have bought him several. He lost his FAC (license to own firearms) because of some drunken stupidity a few years ago so they kept them for him a while.
FBI: Does he have access to a vehicle?
Me: Yes, my folks have bought him one to replace the one he wrecked.
FBI: Does he know your address and have the money to visit you?
Me: My folks would provide it if he asked. I've already asked them to stop letting him use their computer to harass me at work, but they say he's using the computer for work so they don't believe they have the right to deprive him of it.
FBI: So why haven't you reported it to the authorities?
Me: Jurisdiction.
FBI: And how is it that you're not concerned?
Me: Physical distance. To get to me would require basic physical courage, planning, and organization skills. He doesn't have much of that even when sober.
FBI: So you're staking your life on the fact your brother is a coward and a screw-up with no logistics skills?
Me: It's been a good bet so far.
Now, in the discussion above I'm doing what's called "magical thinking", assuming things will continue the way they have done in the past. It's fallacious reasoning. I basically lost the argument with the FBI officer, which is among the more humiliating things that have ever happened to me. I don't forgive that. I'm also not a gigantic fan of the death threats, which were not of the casual "I'm gonna kill you" kidding around variety. I get that my bro has a diagnosed mental illness on top of the alcoholism and that he needs this, that, and the other thing from my parents, and they enable him to the point where I long ago decided that they like and approve of his conduct, and want more of it.