Author Topic: Marrying Yourself  (Read 15246 times)

nnls

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Marrying Yourself
« on: April 28, 2016, 03:02:13 AM »
Saw this article today on the billfold

https://thebillfold.com/i-now-pronounce-you-wife-524504f403c4#.ttgwdca4m

Basically this woman is planning on spending about $1000 on a wedding to herself, and has a registry so people can buy her gifts for this (https://www.amazon.com/wedding/registry/HMGVGV56ZFLN)

The whole idea to me seems completely crazy and I don't get the point, especially as she has already been married.

She also mentions that there are "self marriage experts" who you assumedly pay to help organise your wedding.

The whole thing just seemed like an excuse to get presents and waste money but thats just my opinion

Metric Mouse

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2016, 06:16:14 AM »
Saw this article today on the billfold

https://thebillfold.com/i-now-pronounce-you-wife-524504f403c4#.ttgwdca4m

Basically this woman is planning on spending about $1000 on a wedding to herself, and has a registry so people can buy her gifts for this (https://www.amazon.com/wedding/registry/HMGVGV56ZFLN)

The whole idea to me seems completely crazy and I don't get the point, especially as she has already been married.

She also mentions that there are "self marriage experts" who you assumedly pay to help organise your wedding.

The whole thing just seemed like an excuse to get presents and waste money but thats just my opinion

That article was quite possibly the most narcissistic thing I've read all year. Ever. Single. Line. Was a piece of self-inflating garbage. I'm actually kinda depressed now...

Self marriage seems fine. But, like two-person marriage, the reasons are way more important than the ceremony, and to confuse the two is unhealthy.

acroy

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2016, 06:52:54 AM »
That's F*cked up.

Warlord1986

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2016, 07:05:23 AM »
I agree with Metric Mouse. That was some truly narcissistic trash. I thought I smelled a part-time start-up opportunity to become a 'self-marriage expert' but I seriously don't think I could handle that level of self-absorption.

AH013

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2016, 07:14:40 AM »
Psh!  Girl can't even be original.  Lives in NYC?  Writer?  Marries herself for the sake of presents?  Didn't Carrie Bradshaw already do this? 

ooeei

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2016, 07:22:57 AM »
It sounds like someone who wants more attention than she normally gets, and it looks like it's working.

Inaya

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2016, 07:26:59 AM »
So basically she just wanted a fancy birthday party with lots of presents (which is fine, but let's call a spade a spade here). But you can't ASK for presents for your birthday once you're an adult. But for babies and weddings you have carte blanche to beg for gifts.

Quote
Plus, goodbye marriage-industrial complex.
Sorry, what? You're throwing a "wedding", complete with dress and makeup, just for the sake of getting presents. That's just inviting the WIC into your life without the benefit of a spouse. And that bullshit about "marriage privilege"? Again, you're having a "wedding" for presents.

Quote
I guess that looks like $1000? If so, that will be the cheapest self marriage Iíve heard of. Cheap date, even for myself!
Lady, there are people who throw actual weddings for less than that.
« Last Edit: April 28, 2016, 07:33:22 AM by Inaya »

Metric Mouse

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2016, 07:32:09 AM »
So basically she just wanted a fancy birthday party with lots of presents (which is fine, but let's call a spade a spade here). But you can't ASK for presents for your birthday once you're an adult. But for babies and weddings you have carte blanche to beg for gifts.

Quote
Plus, goodbye marriage-industrial complex.
Sorry, what? You're throwing a "wedding", complete with dress and makeup, just for the sake of getting presents. That's just inviting the WIC into your life without the benefit of a spouse. And that bullshit about "marriage privilege"? Again, your having a "wedding" for presents.

Quote
I guess that looks like $1000? If so, that will be the cheapest self marriage Iíve heard of. Cheap date, even for myself!
Lady, there are people who throw actual weddings for less than that.

Good point...could she have gotten most of the items on her registry for $1000 or less? I suppose you'd still have party expenses, but seems like it'd be easier to just splurge on your own kitchenaid mixer. I wouldn't even have to put on pants for that, much less hire a makeup artist...

slugline

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2016, 09:44:17 AM »
If a person can marry oneself, shouldn't that mean it's possible to divorce oneself too?

Miss Piggy

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2016, 10:22:35 AM »
I really have nothing to add other than WTF?

MgoSam

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2016, 10:25:00 AM »
Are there any tax implications to marrying oneself?

Guesl982374

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #11 on: April 28, 2016, 10:57:19 AM »
wow...I couldn't even get through half of it...

Gondolin

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2016, 11:05:12 AM »
Yeah... I'll pass on spending $1000 to "celebrate my goddamn self".

But, I'd do it in a second if I could file "Married filing Jointly "!

Metric Mouse

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #13 on: April 28, 2016, 11:08:18 AM »
Yeah... I'll pass on spending $1000 to "celebrate my goddamn self".

But, I'd do it in a second if I could file "Married filing Jointly "!

12.6k in standard deductions baby!

MgoSam

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #14 on: April 28, 2016, 11:17:31 AM »
Is this a millenial thing? It seems like all too many people in my age group (yes I am a millenial) do shit like this and instead of hearing advice or criticism, they are praised for it, seemingly regardless of what it is. I know someone that quit a VERY good job because he didn't know what he wanted to do and his page was full of praise for his 'confidence' and 'unwilling to compromise,' whatever that means. If he doesn't have anyone in his life that is willing to tell him, 'You're a moron if you quit your job without any savings to look for something that you like,' then I truly pity him, but that's it. He could have easily kept working while looking for a job that better suits his needs, now it seems like he's been surviving off temp work but you wouldn't know that by his FB page, instead it seems like he's still rolling in cash.

Maybe I'm the blessed on to have two immigrant parents who worked their butts off to provide stability, but now that I"m grown-up I appreciate how my parents raised me. My parents are more of the patronizing sort, so I can count of them to call me out on my bullshit and give "advice" (translation, tell me what to do) to better help me. Most often it is great advice, just poorly packaged.

GuitarStv

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #15 on: April 28, 2016, 11:27:21 AM »
Wristina and Palmela will certainly need to be in top shape . . . if she ever has sex with anyone else it'll be cheating.

AlwaysLearningToSave

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #16 on: April 28, 2016, 11:47:08 AM »
Is this a millenial thing? It seems like all too many people in my age group (yes I am a millenial) do shit like this and instead of hearing advice or criticism, they are praised for it, seemingly regardless of what it is.

I don't think it is so much a millennial thing as it is just the times in which we live.  If you criticize anything, you are "judgmental."  Note that it is not your comment that is judgmental-- you are judgmental.  If you give unsolicited advice or a contrary opinion, you have crossed a line.  Nevermind the fact that the recipient of the unsolicited advice has every right to simply ignore what your advice-- merely giving the advice or rendering a contrary opinion is the unforgiveable infraction.  Thus, no one ever hears contrary opinions anymore. 

Full Disclosure: I'm a millennial. 

Metric Mouse

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #17 on: April 28, 2016, 11:57:38 AM »
Wristina and Palmela will certainly need to be in top shape . . . if she ever has sex with anyone else it'll be cheating.

If you read the article, the subject indicated that it would be an open marriage. So the topic has been discussed and agreed on by all parties involved.

FINate

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #18 on: April 28, 2016, 12:01:25 PM »
Is this a millenial thing? It seems like all too many people in my age group (yes I am a millenial) do shit like this and instead of hearing advice or criticism, they are praised for it, seemingly regardless of what it is.

I don't think it is so much a millennial thing as it is just the times in which we live.  If you criticize anything, you are "judgmental."  Note that it is not your comment that is judgmental-- you are judgmental.  If you give unsolicited advice or a contrary opinion, you have crossed a line.  Nevermind the fact that the recipient of the unsolicited advice has every right to simply ignore what your advice-- merely giving the advice or rendering a contrary opinion is the unforgiveable infraction.  Thus, no one ever hears contrary opinions anymore. 

Full Disclosure: I'm a millennial.

This drives me nuts! I can understand if someone gets tweaked because they get criticized out of the blue on a private matter, though the mature thing in this situation would be to just ignore it. But if you're going to share your life in a public forum, then people are going to give their opinion - it's fair game.

Inaya

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #19 on: April 28, 2016, 12:04:52 PM »
Is this a millenial thing? It seems like all too many people in my age group (yes I am a millenial) do shit like this and instead of hearing advice or criticism, they are praised for it, seemingly regardless of what it is.

I don't think it is so much a millennial thing as it is just the times in which we live.  If you criticize anything, you are "judgmental."  Note that it is not your comment that is judgmental-- you are judgmental.  If you give unsolicited advice or a contrary opinion, you have crossed a line.  Nevermind the fact that the recipient of the unsolicited advice has every right to simply ignore what your advice-- merely giving the advice or rendering a contrary opinion is the unforgiveable infraction.  Thus, no one ever hears contrary opinions anymore. 

Full Disclosure: I'm a millennial.
To be fair, a lot of people don't know how to give constructive criticism either. Today most "criticism" is little more than ad hominem attacks delivered through the semi-anonymous safety of a computer screen. And, really, nobody likes--or has ever liked--unsolicited advice.

MgoSam

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #20 on: April 28, 2016, 12:11:41 PM »
Is this a millenial thing? It seems like all too many people in my age group (yes I am a millenial) do shit like this and instead of hearing advice or criticism, they are praised for it, seemingly regardless of what it is.

I don't think it is so much a millennial thing as it is just the times in which we live.  If you criticize anything, you are "judgmental."  Note that it is not your comment that is judgmental-- you are judgmental.  If you give unsolicited advice or a contrary opinion, you have crossed a line.  Nevermind the fact that the recipient of the unsolicited advice has every right to simply ignore what your advice-- merely giving the advice or rendering a contrary opinion is the unforgiveable infraction.  Thus, no one ever hears contrary opinions anymore. 

Full Disclosure: I'm a millennial.
To be fair, a lot of people don't know how to give constructive criticism either. Today most "criticism" is little more than ad hominem attacks delivered through the semi-anonymous safety of a computer screen. And, really, nobody likes--or has ever liked--unsolicited advice.

Agreed, I have seen a fair share of people posting response to things such as, "I hope you've thought this through, but either way I wish you the best," which are generally positively appreciated.

For judgmental, it's purely in how it's presented imo. I used to go to an evangelical church and have a lot of friends from there and I do see a ton of comments blasting society and saying that they are being labeled as judgmental for their views, and I'll take a look at what they have been posting and it isn't at all loving what they have said about various groups or things they disagree with. A friend of a friend posted a vitriolic comic about an issue that has been in the news recently and then was 'shocked, shocked,' that everyone didn't agree with her. Finally I typed a response saying that when you post a picture like that, no one will care about how reasonable your point of view is, instead they will just think that you are a jackass (I put it much more nicely than that), and she responded with a thank you.

My parents' style of giving advice is to order you to do it, I finally sat them down and said, "When you do that I don't think, that's good advice I'm going to do it, what I think is, I don't care about the advice, I don't like that you have no respect for anything I do and so I will ignore that advice." After that they dramatically changed how they give advice, and now see how better it is for all of us.

FINate

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #21 on: April 28, 2016, 12:25:43 PM »
This is a sad commentary on society. We've turned marriage into a day of exaltation for individuals, spending obscene amounts of money for a day of lavish partying. Marriage is not about "you" - it's not a day of self worship. It's about two families joining together to form a new family unit. It's much bigger than the two individuals involved, and the focus on the wedding day misses that marriage is a lifetime of two people -- from different families, backgrounds, and expectations -- doing the hard work of compromise and collaboration. Every. Single. Day.

I've been married 15 years now and it's been extremely rewarding. But no one should expect that marriage is going to solve any of your problems, your partner is not going to fulfill all your deepest needs - that's what's known as codependency, and it's not healthy. If anything, marriage forces you to confront things you weren't even aware of (I'm a lot more selfish than I thought!) - so it can make life more difficult at first. Marriage is not a substitute for therapy. The true "marriage privilege" is a deep and loving long-term relationship where both people see the good AND the bad in each other, and the security that comes with commitment to work things out.

That said, some people just aren't cut out for marriage. So if the author needs a day all about her, then a $1000 self-marriage that she can post about on social media is a far better alternative.

Inaya

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #22 on: April 28, 2016, 12:37:15 PM »
As a person who struggles with self care or whatever (I can't say no to somebody unless that somebody is me), I really want to like the idea of a self marriage as a symbolic act to start caring for yourself more and not get run into the ground by your own good intentions.

This is not that.

I also like the idea of throwing a party to celebrate relationships within your life, or even simply because you gain some fulfillment from entertaining.

This is also not that.

This is a selfish little girl who wants presents and validation because she grew up. Although whether or not she actually grew up may be debatable.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #23 on: April 28, 2016, 05:34:11 PM »
I see it as a mockery of the fact that "wedding" = "expensive narcissistic farce" at least in popular culture. Realistically this isn't any more narcissistic than what's considered normal for people committing matrimony.

If the self-bride's demands seem egregious for her, perhaps we should consider them as being egregious for couples as well. For example, why exactly are people now expected to pay their own way and/or bring a gift to the engagement party, AND the shower, AND the bachelor/bachelorette party, plus sending a wedding gift? I count at least four mandatory gifts per wedding. Nobody needs that much crap.

meghan88

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #24 on: April 28, 2016, 06:41:58 PM »
As a person who struggles with self care or whatever (I can't say no to somebody unless that somebody is me), I really want to like the idea of a self marriage as a symbolic act to start caring for yourself more and not get run into the ground by your own good intentions.

This is not that.

Interesting, Inaya.  Thanks for writing that.  Very astute.  I now like to think of self-denial as badassity since discovering this forum.  But there are many days (e.g., biking to work in -20 C weather) when badassity competes with the lack of self-care (maybe I can take a taxi on the two or three really bad days each year?), but I will give lavish gifts to non-mustachians because it's expected.  Conflicted badassity.

JustTrying

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #25 on: April 28, 2016, 07:25:05 PM »
Yeah, I don't know. Is marrying yourself weird and a waste of money? Yes. Are most of the traditions surrounding a wedding weird and a waste of money? Yes. I personally have never understood why I'm supposed to buy people presents when they get married...they get to be with someone they love for life AND they get a bunch of presents??? I buy presents because culture says I have to, but it makes zero sense. Plus I'm female so I have to do the whole wedding shower gift + personal shower/bachelorette party gift + actual wedding gift. I also don't understand why most weddings are so expensive and excessive. A wedding is kind of just a glorified party. At least this lady is only spending $1000. My frugal wedding cost more than that!

nnls

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #26 on: April 28, 2016, 07:33:04 PM »
Yeah, I don't know. Is marrying yourself weird and a waste of money? Yes. Are most of the traditions surrounding a wedding weird and a waste of money? Yes. I personally have never understood why I'm supposed to buy people presents when they get married...they get to be with someone they love for life AND they get a bunch of presents??? I buy presents because culture says I have to, but it makes zero sense. Plus I'm female so I have to do the whole wedding shower gift + personal shower/bachelorette party gift + actual wedding gift. I also don't understand why most weddings are so expensive and excessive. A wedding is kind of just a glorified party. At least this lady is only spending $1000. My frugal wedding cost more than that!

I dont understand all the additional gifts (wedding shower, bachelorette party gift) here in Australia it would only be a wedding gift that you give, never all the other stuff.

Wedding presents I get in a way as traditionally it was to help the new couple set up their life, but now days even that doesnt really make sense

dsmexpat

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #27 on: April 29, 2016, 12:30:34 AM »
One can only assume that after the ceremony is over and the guests have gone home she will go fuck herself.

Eric

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #28 on: April 29, 2016, 12:45:10 AM »
If a person can marry oneself, shouldn't that mean it's possible to divorce oneself too?

I've really been taking myself for granted lately.  I should probably look into this.  I deserve better.

GuitarStv

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #29 on: April 29, 2016, 06:09:54 AM »
Yeah, I don't know. Is marrying yourself weird and a waste of money? Yes. Are most of the traditions surrounding a wedding weird and a waste of money? Yes. I personally have never understood why I'm supposed to buy people presents when they get married...they get to be with someone they love for life AND they get a bunch of presents??? I buy presents because culture says I have to, but it makes zero sense. Plus I'm female so I have to do the whole wedding shower gift + personal shower/bachelorette party gift + actual wedding gift. I also don't understand why most weddings are so expensive and excessive. A wedding is kind of just a glorified party. At least this lady is only spending $1000. My frugal wedding cost more than that!

I always figured that the presents are given as payment for the meal and entertainment that you're provided.

Metric Mouse

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #30 on: April 29, 2016, 07:23:48 AM »
If a person can marry oneself, shouldn't that mean it's possible to divorce oneself too?

I've really been taking myself for granted lately.  I should probably look into this.  I deserve better.

You should talk it out. But I would also see a lawyer, just in case.

jinga nation

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #31 on: April 29, 2016, 07:48:48 AM »
Telling the woman to "Go fuck yourself" would be a statement of encouragement.

Inaya

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #32 on: April 29, 2016, 08:42:06 AM »
Yeah, I don't know. Is marrying yourself weird and a waste of money? Yes. Are most of the traditions surrounding a wedding weird and a waste of money? Yes. I personally have never understood why I'm supposed to buy people presents when they get married...they get to be with someone they love for life AND they get a bunch of presents??? I buy presents because culture says I have to, but it makes zero sense. Plus I'm female so I have to do the whole wedding shower gift + personal shower/bachelorette party gift + actual wedding gift. I also don't understand why most weddings are so expensive and excessive. A wedding is kind of just a glorified party. At least this lady is only spending $1000. My frugal wedding cost more than that!
The cultural expectation to gift for a wedding is so strong that people do it even when they're told not to. Mine was a potluck and I said bring food instead of a gift. About 2 weeks later, the checks started coming in. All at least $100, and the highest $250. Once I stopped rubbing my hands together like a steel baron, I was shocked and a bit dismayed. I tried to give them an out and they didn't take it! And now I feel obligated to gift whenever any of their children subsequently get married. I would have sent a smallish gift anyway--but now I feel I have to spend at least as much as their parents did.

Weddings are weird all around.

Interesting, Inaya.  Thanks for writing that.  Very astute.  I now like to think of self-denial as badassity since discovering this forum.  But there are many days (e.g., biking to work in -20 C weather) when badassity competes with the lack of self-care (maybe I can take a taxi on the two or three really bad days each year?), but I will give lavish gifts to non-mustachians because it's expected.  Conflicted badassity.
Yep. I bought my mom a nice new laptop for Xmas last year and didn't bat an eyelash. Bought my husband some very nice new computer parts for his birthday and didn't bat an eyelash. Meanwhile, I'm agonizing over whether I should buy myself a new package of hair ties for $5 while I still have two hair ties that work perfectly well (they're almost too stretched to stay in, and the elastic is showing on both).

I'll walk to the train station in any temperature. But if it's raining more than my trench coat can handle, you bet I'll be taking the bus. 80-minute commute while soaking wet not very fun. (Side note: Born and raised in the Southwest, and I've lost every umbrella I've ever owned. So now I don't buy any more umbrellas.) But yesterday I discovered that my alternate route (via El and Pace bus) is only about 15 minutes slower, but a whole lot more miserable-er. So if it's raining, I can take the El/bus and save a $7.25 train ticket, get to work on time, and punish myself for being a baby about the rain. I sometimes take the El/bus route home to save a train ticket, but it takes 30-40 minutes longer in the evening.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2016, 09:01:20 AM by Inaya »

MgoSam

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #33 on: April 29, 2016, 10:30:13 AM »
Once I stopped rubbing my hands together like a steel baron

I laughed at this line.

GetItRight

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #34 on: May 09, 2016, 03:34:50 AM »
It makes sense if she will be taxed at the married rate. Maybe she needs to be diagnosed schizophrenic for that to work. Either way, government punished being unwed, so maybe she's just responding to the beatings.

Metric Mouse

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #35 on: May 11, 2016, 03:45:07 AM »
It makes sense if she will be taxed at the married rate. Maybe she needs to be diagnosed schizophrenic for that to work. Either way, government punished being unwed, so maybe she's just responding to the beatings.

To be fair, the punishments for being unwed are still far outweighed by the punishments for being wed. So the tax break for legally married folks only makes being bound to another human being only slightly less sucky. (And then, only in very narrow income situations)

MoneyCat

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #36 on: May 11, 2016, 06:02:40 AM »
The internet has normalized most mental illnesses. Sad but true.

MrsDinero

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #37 on: May 11, 2016, 06:21:05 AM »
Am I the only who thought the point of this article was to promote the book she is writing?  Yes she is talking about marrying herself, which I think is a weird way to publicly reaffirm herself from apparently making bad decisions.  I think we will hear about it again when her book will be published.

KodeBlue

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #38 on: May 11, 2016, 06:54:09 AM »
I guess the honeymoon will include her and a vibrator?

FINate

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Re: Marrying Yourself
« Reply #39 on: May 11, 2016, 10:03:42 AM »
Am I the only who thought the point of this article was to promote the book she is writing?  Yes she is talking about marrying herself, which I think is a weird way to publicly reaffirm herself from apparently making bad decisions.  I think we will hear about it again when her book will be published.

Yes, that thought also crossed my mind. The world waits with bated breath for her rendition of "Eat, Pray, Love," though I guess in this case she falls in love with herself at the end?