Author Topic: Less interested in someone  (Read 4997 times)

MgoSam

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Less interested in someone
« on: June 11, 2014, 12:59:14 PM »
There is someone that I am somewhat interested in and last night I had dinner with her and her parents, and had a realization of how financially minded they are. Her father recently got into a collusion which is going to cost them $3000 to repair, when I first heard this I was a little happy because it seemed like they are able to withstand this, which demonstrated they have a cushion. But later I learned that they are planning to put it on their credit card, and the dad wants to get a new car because "he deserves it," and will give the truck to a nephew. When the mom asked how they can afford, the dad stated, "Well we'll always have a car payment so why not?" My friend nodded along at that part. This is the first time I've met her dad so didn't think it was appropriate to say anything.

Just had to share.

okashira

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2014, 01:42:55 PM »
There is someone that I am somewhat interested in and last night I had dinner with her and her parents, and had a realization of how financially minded they are. Her father recently got into a collusion which is going to cost them $3000 to repair, when I first heard this I was a little happy because it seemed like they are able to withstand this, which demonstrated they have a cushion. But later I learned that they are planning to put it on their credit card, and the dad wants to get a new car because "he deserves it," and will give the truck to a nephew. When the mom asked how they can afford, the dad stated, "Well we'll always have a car payment so why not?" My friend nodded along at that part. This is the first time I've met her dad so didn't think it was appropriate to say anything.

Just had to share.
She/he is obviously much younger then their parents, so perhaps they still deserve a chance ....

schimt

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2014, 02:00:07 PM »
Yea, that doesn't sound fair to judge her based on her fathers take on finances and her just nodding. Not sure how serious you are with her, but you can't judge a book by it's cover. Most of my friends and family have a similar mentality and at one point i agreed because i didn't know any better and now i will most likely still just nod because it's not my business to tell them otherwise or cause confrontation. So maybe she is just pretending to agree with her father, or she doesnt really understand the long term impact of credit card debt/consumer debt.

If you’re looking for a reason to not like her, then take it, but I hardly think this one interaction and reaction she gave to her parents is enough to change your mind about a person you care about. IMHO

Talk to her about it.

Mississippi Mudstache

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2014, 02:47:05 PM »
Both my wife and I are far more frugal than our parents. And yet, both of our parents are very well-off financially, because they have always lived below their means. Both sets of parents still have mortgages and car payments in their '50s. My dad even took out a $12,000 loan to pay for my sister's wedding, yet he paid for his $25,000 workshop in cash. My dad managed to retire before 55, and my wife's parents will retire by 60. I don't understand why they do what they do, but they are doing what works for them. And my wife and I are doing what works for us, which is saving madly for early retirement.

In other words, don't judge this girl too harshly based on her parents. She is not necessarily of the same mind, and even if she is, it doesn't mean she is not willing to change. Some people are naturally frugal (like my wife), and others just need concrete goals for serious saving to be possible (like me). I didn't become a serious saver until I was presented with the possibility of FIRE, and it immediately turned my finances around. I haven't looked back once.

So like the others said, get to know her better, and talk to her about it.
« Last Edit: June 11, 2014, 02:50:29 PM by Mississippi Mudstache »

MgoSam

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #4 on: June 11, 2014, 02:49:33 PM »
Absolutely great advice! I think I was being a little too hasty, especially as I wasn't always this frugal.

Plus, if this is all she knows, she might react awesomely once she realizes that you don't have to make car payments.


Jags4186

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2014, 03:25:51 PM »
Also--not speaking for these people in particular--but if you have a "normal" family where the parents retire when they get Medicare/social security they don't have to be as careful with money as someone who wants to retire at 35 or 40.  They can go on their merry way spending 85-90% of their income saving 10-15%  and still likely end up OKAY at age 66.


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CarDude

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2014, 03:50:22 PM »
^ Good point there.

Wildflame

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #7 on: June 12, 2014, 09:04:07 AM »
My parents will retire poor due to poor financial planning. I will not. Judge the fair lady by her merits, not those of her family.

shadowmoss

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #8 on: June 21, 2014, 07:41:49 AM »
I think it is good to notice from whence she comes.  Now you know you need to ask some hard questions before getting to serious with her, and also realize that she just may not know any better rather than being willfully consmerist.

Cwadda

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Re: Less interested in someone
« Reply #9 on: June 21, 2014, 07:43:48 AM »
I think it is good to notice from whence she comes.  Now you know you need to ask some hard questions before getting to serious with her, and also realize that she just may not know any better rather than being willfully consmerist.

+1

Also, I think antimustachianism can be "cured."
http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2012/03/22/selling-the-dream-how-to-make-your-spouse-love-frugality/