$20,000 Bar Mitzvah

[lifejoy]

My fiancé mentioned today that his parents spend $20,000 per bar and bat mitzvah. They have four kids.

O.o

Blows my mind. I admire how much they love their kids, and how they celebrate every milestone... But they are in debt, and it's a good warning. Enjoy your life, but only spend what you have.

[Exflyboy]

dear Dad.. Forget the $20k bash.. Give me $15k and I'll put a down payment on a a house!

Frank

[Davids]

When I was 13 I went to some great Bar and Bat Mitzvahs, this is many years ago now but I hope those parents paid them off by now.

[frugalecon]

This makes me wonder whether fiance's parents are putting on the pressure to have a rocking wedding bash.

[kite]

My fiancé mentioned today that his parents spend $20,000 per bar and bat mitzvah. They have four kids.

O.o

Blows my mind. I admire how much they love their kids, and how they celebrate every milestone... But they are in debt, and it's a good warning. Enjoy your life, but only spend what you have.

Here's your sign.

[lifejoy]

This makes me wonder whether fiance's parents are putting on the pressure to have a rocking wedding bash.

It is hard for them to accept our small-scale wedding. But we're footing the bill, so there's not much they can do about it! ;)

[frugalecon]

This makes me wonder whether fiance's parents are putting on the pressure to have a rocking wedding bash.

It is hard for them to accept our small-scale wedding. But we're footing the bill, so there's not much they can do about it! ;)

Kudos to you for having the experience you want! That is so impressive!

Avoid the Wedding Industrial Complex!

[socaso]

Whew! Our wedding didn't cost that much. Differences in family celebrations can really rear their ugly heads when you have kids. My husband wants to do big things for our son's birthdays and I don't see the point because he's 2. We did a party for his 1st but this year there was talk of bouncy houses or special parties at the petting zoo and I kept saying, let's save it for when he's older and these types of celebrations are more meaningful. We had a cookout at the house and the kid was barely aware of his presents. It turns out my husband's mother always made a fuss over birthdays and in my family we got to pick what kind of cake my mother baked for us.

[Wildflame]

I spent a season working as a warehouse hand for a company that hired out function equipment. One time we did a three-truck delivery to the back of a mansion in one of the most expensive suburbs in Melbourne. I helped with both delivery and pack-up, and during the pack-up came across a copy of the running sheet (5 pages), which had enough detail to puzzle out that the function was a Bar Mitzvah.

On the way back to the warehouse, the other two guys in the truck and I had a go at working out roughly how much the event would have cost based on the running sheet and the setup we witnessed. The conclusion was somewhere in excess of $150,000. There was a 10m x 30m marquee, 400 guests with three-course catering plus nibbles, a live band, DJ, clown, magician, open candy bar (which tbh sounds cooler than a regular open bar to me), a bunch of outdoor activities... The cutest thing was that the kid doing the Bar Mitzvah was supposed to sing a song with the band.

Am I correct in asserting that a Bar Mitzvah is roughly the equivalent of Confirmation for a Catholic? After my Confirmation, I am pretty sure we had a cake. I think it was tasty. =)

[CommonCents]

I spent a season working as a warehouse hand for a company that hired out function equipment. One time we did a three-truck delivery to the back of a mansion in one of the most expensive suburbs in Melbourne. I helped with both delivery and pack-up, and during the pack-up came across a copy of the running sheet (5 pages), which had enough detail to puzzle out that the function was a Bar Mitzvah.

On the way back to the warehouse, the other two guys in the truck and I had a go at working out roughly how much the event would have cost based on the running sheet and the setup we witnessed. The conclusion was somewhere in excess of $150,000. There was a 10m x 30m marquee, 400 guests with three-course catering plus nibbles, a live band, DJ, clown, magician, open candy bar (which tbh sounds cooler than a regular open bar to me), a bunch of outdoor activities... The cutest thing was that the kid doing the Bar Mitzvah was supposed to sing a song with the band.

Am I correct in asserting that a Bar Mitzvah is roughly the equivalent of Confirmation for a Catholic? After my Confirmation, I am pretty sure we had a cake. I think it was tasty. =)

I'm not surprised a mansion owner went over the top!

Not exactly.  While the concept is the similar (study, becoming adult in the eyes of the religion), a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is usually taken as a much bigger rite of passage than I've observed happens with Confirmation which often just involves having close family present and no public performance.  I think it's akin to the degree of difference between Christmas (big deal) and Hannukah (not a big religious holiday, only made bigger because it's near Christmas).

Often Bar/Bat Mitzvahs are treated like Quinceaneras are.  Not to say they should be.  Also note that with these big parties, the parents often invite a lot of their business contacts in addition to friends and family, just like happens with some splashy weddings...

[lisahi]

dear Dad.. Forget the $20k bash.. Give me $15k and I'll put a down payment on a a house!

Frank

My parents gave my two sisters $10K each for their weddings. I said, forget a wedding, can I get $10K towards the down payment of a house? They said, "sure." Best decision.

[RootofGood]

Crap.  My daughter already wants a Sweet Sixteen AND a Quinceañera. I hope she doesn't discover this bat mitzvah thing.   

[Daley]

I hope she doesn't discover this bat mitzvah thing.

Well, if she's able to cram an entire young lifetime of studying Torah, recognizing that she's no longer a child but a woman of accountable age and actions, and in some Judaic practices is capable of performing aliyah by giving the Torah reading blessing and learn her relevant Haftarah portion both in Hebrew, all by her 12th birthday... let her have a small shindig!

[golden1]

I know that a lot of times, the gifts given by friends and relatives at Bar/Bat Mitzvahs total to much more than the party cost.  I remember going to a few fancy ones as a child and having the kids and parents make jokes about how this was an investment in the kids college education.

[RootofGood]

I hope she doesn't discover this bat mitzvah thing.

Well, if she's able to cram an entire young lifetime of studying Torah, recognizing that she's no longer a child but a woman of accountable age and actions, and in some Judaic practices is capable of performing aliyah by giving the Torah reading blessing and learn her relevant Haftarah portion both in Hebrew, all by her 12th birthday... let her have a small shindig!

Oy vey!  That's a lot to learn.  She's having a hard enough time learning Thai, Portuguese, and Spanish.  And English.  The good news is I'll be saving $20k.  :)