Author Topic: Instantly lose 6% of your money  (Read 15115 times)

citrustea

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Instantly lose 6% of your money
« on: February 28, 2016, 04:32:49 AM »
We have been invited to a wedding, with the suggestion that cash can be given as a gift, through a very pretty looking website called [MOD EDIT: Link removed]
So I had a look, and there are nice pictures of what the couple may do with the money you give them, so I looked a bit closer, and it seems the website takes 6% of money, either by charging guests, or taking it from gifted money before transferring money to the couple.
I'm sure there must be lots of threads on the excess of weddings, but to just give up 6% of your or your guests' money??? Am I the only one to think this is just a little bit crazy?
What is wrong with just giving money? In plenty of cultures this is totally acceptable anyway, ie the Chinese/Malaysians with the red envelope, and others where money is pinned to the wedding dress.
« Last Edit: February 28, 2016, 04:44:29 AM by arebelspy »

GrowingTheGreen

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2016, 08:16:19 AM »
It is crazy.  I can give a check for $100 and it costs less than $1 to mail.  There are also a bazillion online banks that let you send money electronically for free!

Nederstash

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #2 on: February 28, 2016, 09:29:36 AM »
Put bills in a container, add water, then put it in the freezer. 3 hours later: give cold, hard cash.

Cassie

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2016, 01:11:55 PM »
I often put a check in a wedding card so they can use it for what they want. It is stupid to lose 6% off the top.

MgoSam

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #4 on: February 28, 2016, 02:57:32 PM »
Yeah I usually just bring a check. If I plan ahead and think about it, I'll get an Indian type envelope from my friend. She has a ton of them and they look really unique and people seem to appreciate receiving them and the check.

For anyone that says not to bring in a check, I'd like to state that I've had not had a check cashed. This way they are free to use the money for whatever they want.

gooki

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #5 on: February 28, 2016, 08:05:18 PM »
Credit card processing can easily be 3%, possible more for American Express. The other 3% is revenue for the company.

clarkfan1979

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #6 on: February 29, 2016, 12:57:21 AM »
How much money do you give at weddings. I give $100 if it's just me. I give $150 if I attend with my wife. I don't really have a good reason for this. I gave $200 at one wedding and I think my wife told me that was too much.

MgoSam

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #7 on: February 29, 2016, 12:05:01 PM »
Credit card processing can easily be 3%, possible more for American Express. The other 3% is revenue for the company.

Yeah, I really don't think 6% is excessive for this company (assuming people use CC, should be less if it's a bank transfer). The 3% revenue includes marketing, overhead, salary, and more things until the company arrives at profit. Businesses are around for the sake of making money. We can argue that it's ridiculous that people use such a service, but hey if there is enough demand, people will start a business to try to make money. One of my customers is right next to a store that sells Hot Wheels, that's all they sell, and he just called me to tell me that someone walked in there and spent about $1200 in cash to buy "rare" Hot Wheels. Kudos to this guy for starting a business in a niche market, but props for being successful.


How much money do you give at weddings. I give $100 if it's just me. I give $150 if I attend with my wife. I don't really have a good reason for this. I gave $200 at one wedding and I think my wife told me that was too much.

Depends, largely on how close I am to the person and will tailor it based on how much I think they are spending per person on the wedding. Most of the weddings I go to are dry or cash bar affairs, so I'll give at most $50, some half that. My college roommate is getting married this fall and I'll likely give at least $100. I'm somewhat dreading it as I'll need to fly halfway across the country and rent a hotel room, but thankfully I have business in that city, so I'll likely fly a few days early (and work will cover my airfare).

AZDude

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #8 on: February 29, 2016, 02:12:22 PM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?

Making Cookies

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #9 on: February 29, 2016, 02:20:05 PM »
Maybe the cash would get spent on the honeymoon or paying down debt the new couple is floating or fixing a car, etc.

I think people get too attached to convenience and thus a 6% hit on something that could be given as cash or check seems reasonable. One of many, many choices people make when they don't have to make every dime count.

Travis

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #10 on: February 29, 2016, 02:21:52 PM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?

I've never been around a wedding where cash was specifically asked for.  We tend to give cash as a gift, but that's because I don't want to put in the brainpower to find a gift, or there's a good chance we're going to give them the same thing someone else will (I wish some folks took this advice at my wedding).

Quote
We can argue that it's ridiculous that people use such a service

That's what I took from this.  It sounds ridiculous to use a third party to send money when there's such a thing as the postal service.  We've been gifting people cash and checks for decades without much difficulty.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #11 on: February 29, 2016, 02:27:55 PM »
My first thought is: people want their guests to be able to use credit cards instead of cash. Why? Because people don't actually have money but they will run up credit card debt to give you a gift they feel obligated to give. This lets broke people give cash.

Vanguards and Lentils

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #12 on: February 29, 2016, 02:42:24 PM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?

I actually feel the opposite; with a gift registry you lose the ability to get a good bang for your buck since you're constrained to buying some particular brand name item at a specific time, sometimes from a specific vendor. The couple would be better off getting what you would have paid in cash, and then spending it on what they need when there's sales etc.

Another things is that I don't usually see cash asked for per se. Usually there's just no gift registry and so it's understood. I have seen something like OP's case once where there were both suggested gifts and also "contribute to X fund." But I've always assumed that couples with no registry at all were more savvy. And apparently with some Chinese-style weddings and banquets where every relative under the sun is invited, it's quite possible to profit off the wedding with this arrangement.

Beaker

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #13 on: February 29, 2016, 02:54:20 PM »
It is a little bit crazy. But some people just don't like the idea of giving cash (a few here on this thread, even) but are OK with giving money towards some particular purpose. It's actually not that different from a gift card. So I would suspect they're selling the service of making cash feel more "gifty."

I believe my wife signed us up for one of those for our wedding. I think it was branded as contributing to the honeymoon. We were already swimming in all the stuff you usually get at weddings (housewares, uselessly fancy dishes, etc), but if we didn't give people some sort of alternative we would've gotten more of that stuff and then I would've had to dispose of it. So it was crap-prevention measure.

maco

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #14 on: February 29, 2016, 02:57:32 PM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?
That's the thing about these websites that take money off the top. They're trying to make it not be "give us cash," by having it be a registry of honeymoon experiences. In reality, you just get cash. But for the giver it's "I bought you a couples massage on your honeymoon."

coolistdude

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #15 on: February 29, 2016, 09:09:40 PM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?
That's the thing about these websites that take money off the top. They're trying to make it not be "give us cash," by having it be a registry of honeymoon experiences. In reality, you just get cash. But for the giver it's "I bought you a couples massage on your honeymoon."

It isn't completely bad. I've gone to a few weddings not knowing the bride or groom. Sometimes cash is a safe option.

cube.37

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #16 on: March 02, 2016, 08:39:32 AM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?
That's the thing about these websites that take money off the top. They're trying to make it not be "give us cash," by having it be a registry of honeymoon experiences. In reality, you just get cash. But for the giver it's "I bought you a couples massage on your honeymoon."

It isn't completely bad. I've gone to a few weddings not knowing the bride or groom. Sometimes cash is a safe option.

I was raised in korea and my feelings are completely reversed. I think that cash is something a guest is supposed to give at a wedding. Live in the states now and the idea of having a wishlist of presents that you want your guests to buy for you just sounds so childish and needy.

I guess a key difference is that in korea the couple doesn't ask for anything, the guests dont ask if they need to give anything, it's just assumed that everyone knows. This is different from asking for cash or presents.

TheOldestYoungMan

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #17 on: March 02, 2016, 09:03:15 AM »
If the idea of giving cash has ever seemed wrong to you, just take a minute and really think about every gift you've ever gotten that you didn't want and didn't need.  Look around your house at the shelves you have just to put that shit on.  The boxes at the back of your closet filled with worthless crap that used to be money.  Even if it has sentimental value because of who gave it to you, useless junk is just that.

Think of all the times you stood in line at customer service to return something, the hassle of dealing with no receipt and store credit.  The things that weren't returnable.

Cash is hands down my favorite gift at this stage of my life.  Food I like is a very close second.  The only other thing I consider an acceptable gift is photos, especially if they are framed.  Everything else is like handing me a piece of garbage and saying "here, I thought this would be better off taking up space in your house than mine."  It's passing out a little piece of obligation to ensure things are disposed of properly, or sold correctly.

Not only is it an appropriate gift, but people are genuinely grateful for it.  The only type of person I would consider giving something else to, are people I know exceedingly well, or very young people.  A small child gets a book instead of a ten dollar bill, or some blocks made in the garage.

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #18 on: March 02, 2016, 09:28:57 AM »
My worst wedding was a Waterford crystal vase. We considered returning it, but realized we didn't have any use for $120 of store credit at Neiman Marcus either.

MgoSam

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #19 on: March 02, 2016, 09:48:12 AM »
My worst wedding was a Waterford crystal vase. We considered returning it, but realized we didn't have any use for $120 of store credit at Neiman Marcus either.

Is there any resale value for it? I don't know much about crystal, but I imagine that someone might want it. Even if you don't get the full $120, it's better than nothing. If it was a fancy decoration piece I might be interested, but a vase doesn't really interest me.

partgypsy

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #20 on: March 02, 2016, 01:04:48 PM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?

Not at all. It is customary in many cultures. One side of my family is Greek, and that is the default gift. Registries are a more recent thing, but the old guard still gives cash.

Oh and I wanted to say no where in the invitation does it say that (cash is accepted etc) which probably would be rude. It is just understood.
« Last Edit: March 03, 2016, 09:43:58 AM by partgypsy »

Dicey

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #21 on: March 02, 2016, 10:07:53 PM »
My first thought is: people want their guests to be able to use credit cards instead of cash. Why? Because people don't actually have money but they will run up credit card debt to give you a gift they feel obligated to give. This lets broke people give cash.
You nailed my thinking exactly. Thank you.

LouLou

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #22 on: March 03, 2016, 08:17:50 AM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?

It's generally considered rude, but I think that is an incredibly dumb etiquette rule that I'm glad to see people break. 

I have lots of fancy china from my wedding...and I also still have student loans.  I have never used the china, but I'm paying down my student loan debt all the time.  Money for student loan debt (or a house downpayment, or a honeymoon, or an emergency fund, or to help raise children) seems like a much better gift than dishes.

Making Cookies

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #23 on: March 03, 2016, 08:43:59 AM »
We still have a few things knocking around the house that we still haven't used once in the twenty years since our wedding. Slowly, we continue to clean out. yeah, cash would be much better than some gift you might never use.

My mother was all about traditions and appearances. She was trying to do the right/polite/accepted things.

You can't register here (where there are useful things available at a reasonable cost), you need to register there (which is where all the useless things came from).

Some useful things were given, some cash was given and so were those useless things that neither DW nor I can do much with.
« Last Edit: March 03, 2016, 03:38:55 PM by Jethrosnose »

MgoSam

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #24 on: March 03, 2016, 09:33:54 AM »
My first thought is: people want their guests to be able to use credit cards instead of cash. Why? Because people don't actually have money but they will run up credit card debt to give you a gift they feel obligated to give. This lets broke people give cash.
You nailed my thinking exactly. Thank you.

Can you buy a gift card with a credit card? I don't know, but maybe you could and this way you're able to give a gift to someone. For instance, if they have bought a fixer-uper, then a Home Depot gift card might be just as good as cash. I know that Amazon gift cards are the same as cash to me (love ebooks).

Indexer

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #25 on: March 04, 2016, 05:45:52 AM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?

Having went to a few friends weddings around the country this varies a LOT by region.

In the south asking for cash is basically unheard of unless it is from mom&dad.

I had a friend get married in PA and there were a ton of envelopes, but not one boxed gift. They didn't even ask for cash. It was just the expectation. The cash gifts in total paid most of the cost of the wedding. The wedding and reception are expensive. I think everyone pitching in a little to cover the total cost instead of buying useless crap off a registry is actually a great idea. 

Sibley

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #26 on: March 14, 2016, 02:46:01 PM »
I think that cash or no cash varies based on culture and generation. My mom is 100% anti cash and always has been. I went to a family wedding, the bride is Chinese, a bunch of her Chinese family traveled to the US for the wedding, and cash is the most acceptable gift. Mom HATED that I gave cash (it was also the most practical), but gave in because it was appropriate in that culture.

geodude

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #27 on: March 17, 2016, 03:43:37 AM »
I'd like to pitch into this debate with a little bit of a scientific basis that I feel will be tremendously helpful to mustachians.

The advice is mainly coming from the book Predictably Irrational.

It's an amazing read for people like us who ponder on societies' consumerist ways.

Anyway, regarding gifts and cash/not cash:

You need to think of buying a gift for someone as trying to buy rapport.
You're trying to make the person think more of you, not think you're cheap, like you, etc.

It's been fairly well studied in psychology that cash generates less of these intangibles in the receiver than a gift of equal cash value.

That is, a $40 bottle of wine builds more rapport than $40 cash.

Most of the people here on MMM have risen in consciousness to where they rationally understand cash is the objectively better gift on economic terms.

However, as the giver, you're better off spending the money on something dumb and giving them a noncash gift instead of cash if your goal for the gift is to build the friendship with that person

So unfortunately, scientifically speaking, doing the irrational thing (gifting a noncash gift) is the better option as the giver.

gardeningandgreen

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #28 on: March 17, 2016, 08:37:58 AM »
I'm getting married in a few months. I don't think we are going to have a registry of any kind. We already live together and have pretty much everything we need. However it would be super awesome to have money to do some renovations on our 100 year old house... Also if you give a check for the love of god don't make it out to Mr. and Mrs. so and so. It makes it a big pain at the bank and runs the risk of being returned if they haven't changed names on the bank account or things like that. Or if they are like me and not changing their name...

dsmexpat

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #29 on: March 17, 2016, 10:14:19 AM »
Am I the only one who finds the idea of suggesting cash as a wedding gift in bad taste? Gift registries are one thing, but when you are just asking for cash... seriously?
It's difficult because a lot of people want to give something. On the one hand I wouldn't want to ask for cash but on the other I certainly don't want a toaster. I think it's reasonable to say "your presence is the only gift we desire at the wedding but if you would like to make an additional gesture the bride and groom kindly request donations towards their honeymoon in lieu of gifts". Not because they actually want the money but rather because a lot of people have such different and weird expectations of what to do that they literally need to be told.

Hunny156

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #30 on: March 17, 2016, 04:25:38 PM »
Thankfully, I'm past the stage of weddings, but when I do get invited to an event where a gift is required or implied, my preferred method is to check out the registry (immediately after getting the invite), and find a few items in the price range I'm willing to spend, then go find that item elsewhere on sale.  You can usually call the store where the registry is at and tell them that your elderly Mom bought the item in the store today and never thought about the registry, so they will mark the item as purchased, which avoids duplicates.

Win/win - they get what they want, I look like I spent a certain amount, and I get to save the difference!  :)

GrowingTheGreen

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #31 on: March 20, 2016, 07:43:44 AM »
I was raised in korea and my feelings are completely reversed. I think that cash is something a guest is supposed to give at a wedding. Live in the states now and the idea of having a wishlist of presents that you want your guests to buy for you just sounds so childish and needy.

I guess a key difference is that in korea the couple doesn't ask for anything, the guests dont ask if they need to give anything, it's just assumed that everyone knows. This is different from asking for cash or presents.

I need to move to Korea...

We would have loved to have asked for cash as a gift for our wedding, but our concerns over whether guests would find it in poor taste swayed us not to use a site like the one mentioned above.  That and the 6% fees.

Tigerpine

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #32 on: March 20, 2016, 09:14:52 AM »
I was raised in korea and my feelings are completely reversed. I think that cash is something a guest is supposed to give at a wedding. Live in the states now and the idea of having a wishlist of presents that you want your guests to buy for you just sounds so childish and needy.

I guess a key difference is that in korea the couple doesn't ask for anything, the guests dont ask if they need to give anything, it's just assumed that everyone knows. This is different from asking for cash or presents.

I need to move to Korea...

We would have loved to have asked for cash as a gift for our wedding, but our concerns over whether guests would find it in poor taste swayed us not to use a site like the one mentioned above.  That and the 6% fees.

I have similar experiences to Cube.37, but in my case I lived in Japan for a long time when all my friends were getting married.

I really don't like giving non-cash wedding gifts to people, even if they do have a registry.  My last wedding was for a good friend at work.  For him I basically split the difference.  I bought something off the registry to be "polite" and I gave a cash gift on top of that.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #33 on: March 20, 2016, 02:10:36 PM »
The important thing to remember about wedding gifts is that no fucks can be given at any point. Some of you folks are overthinking this. The purpose of a gift is to hook someone up with something they'll go crazy over, reinforce an existing social bond, and have a good time in the process.

Most of the time, unless there's a compelling cultural reason to give a particular gift such as cash, I don't. Instead, I ignore the registry completely, give what I want to give, end up with a bridal couple who adores me and is blown away by the cool gift, and spend substantially less than the other guests do in the process.

It's like being the guy from the Dos Equis commercial. "I don't always buy off the registry, but when I do, it's because I've already decided to skip your boring-ass wedding."

Not everyone can aspire to my level of coolness, of course. Over many years, I've developed what can only be called seriously badass skills. I use these skills to find out what would be an awesome gift for the bridal couple, and then to make that thing from scratch for a fraction of the equivalent retail price. A lowly non-badass, by contrast, is stuck buying off the registry like a bitch.

/trollage
« Last Edit: March 20, 2016, 02:14:36 PM by TheGrimSqueaker »

radiocolin

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #34 on: March 29, 2016, 01:02:47 PM »
We got married a few years ago. Found the idea of registries to be horribly tacky. Looked at sites like these, but had no desire to pay for the privilege. Ultimately decided to not mention gifts at all, anywhere. We got cash, and some donations to charities we like. It worked out perfectly.

bacchi

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #35 on: March 29, 2016, 01:40:12 PM »
Is a wedding a quid pro quo type of event? The invitations tell me that my presence is enough, so I take them at their word.

Do unto others.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #36 on: March 29, 2016, 05:17:02 PM »
Is a wedding a quid pro quo type of event? The invitations tell me that my presence is enough, so I take them at their word.

Do unto others.

Also a badass approach, however I like to also humiliate the other guests who lack skills.

elaine amj

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #37 on: March 29, 2016, 06:55:40 PM »


What is wrong with just giving money? In plenty of cultures this is totally acceptable anyway, ie the Chinese/Malaysians with the red envelope, and others where money is pinned to the wedding dress.

Ouch 6% is a lot to lose. But I guess they felt it was worth it if they considered it a more polite way to handle a delicate matter?

Still, if u don't offer a registry, most ppl will just default to giving cash anyway. And you satisfy the etiquette police by not mentioning gifts. Win win.

I am Chinese Malaysian and both our families did expect that wedding gifts would essentially cover the cost of the wedding dinner. I had my wedding in both Malaysia and in Canada. My family paid for the Malaysian wedding and my husband and his father paid for the Canadian wedding.

In Malaysia, all wedding gifts went straight to my parents to pay for the dinner. It just covered it. And yes, my mom analyzed every gift with comments about each one based on how generous or cheap they were. She has the expectation that they cover their plates at least...although all she expected from poorer relatives was a polite token gesture. Close relatives gave me gold jewelry instead of cash. I still have a number of pieces I didn't care for in my "junk jewelry" pile waiting for the next spike in gold to sell (I waited too long the first time around - I think it was close to $1k in value at that time).

In Canada, all wedding cash gifts went to my FIL and it also just about covered the cost of the dinner. We also followed Canadian tradition and had a registry and lots of ppl bought us gifts off it - I still have (and use) some of my wedding gifts 16 years later. There were still lots who gave cash and it's common here to have a bird cage to have a pretty spot for guests to put cash gifts.

It was kinda nice that at least all the cash gifts covered the costs of the dinners. Would have been nice for us to actually get the gifts ourselves but I have no issues with our families benefiting. There were still plenty of other wedding-related costs that the gifts did not cover.


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Inaya

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #38 on: March 30, 2016, 07:37:36 AM »
I'd rather buy a gift card at a grocery store for 6% cash back.

I think cash as gifts makes way more sense than registries do. Wedding gifts came about to help the couple get started on their new life together, presumably fresh from their parents houses with few small appliances to their names. Couples these days are generally getting married later--typically they've already established a household and already have all the crap they need, or they are combining two households and already have twice the crap they need!

Or, as was my case, they have teeny-tiny apartments and would LOVE some kitchen gadgets and nice cookware, but have literally nowhere to put it. When planning my wedding, I joked that I wished I could delay putting together the registry until we got a bigger place (presumably many years after the wedding itself).

We had a potluck picnic reception (which would also probably be considered tacky from the anti-cash crowd) and told people to bring food (e.g., pizza or sandwich trays from Costco) in lieu of gifts, thinking it would save them money and fulfill their internalized social obligation to contribute something giftlike. Yet about 2 weeks afterward, $100-200 checks started coming in. It was a shock because we never breathed a word about gifts or cash beyond the potluck food request. Maybe it's just my family, but it seems like cash is becoming more accepted.

Vanguards and Lentils

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #39 on: March 30, 2016, 07:44:11 AM »
We had a potluck picnic reception (which would also probably be considered tacky from the anti-cash crowd) and told people to bring food (e.g., pizza or sandwich trays from Costco) in lieu of gifts, thinking it would save them money and fulfill their internalized social obligation to contribute something giftlike. Yet about 2 weeks afterward, $100-200 checks started coming in. It was a shock because we never breathed a word about gifts or cash beyond the potluck food request. Maybe it's just my family, but it seems like cash is becoming more accepted.

That actually sounds really fun! I've only ever been to "fancy banquet" weddings and they get really old after a while.

maco

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #40 on: March 30, 2016, 08:43:59 AM »
I think cash as gifts makes way more sense than registries do. Wedding gifts came about to help the couple get started on their new life together, presumably fresh from their parents houses with few small appliances to their names. Couples these days are generally getting married later--typically they've already established a household and already have all the crap they need, or they are combining two households and already have twice the crap they need!
I've joked that given what you said, we should do away with wedding showers and start having divorce showers. In a divorce, someone needs a new blender, and a new toaster, and a set of plates...

We had a potluck picnic reception (which would also probably be considered tacky from the anti-cash crowd) and told people to bring food (e.g., pizza or sandwich trays from Costco) in lieu of gifts, thinking it would save them money and fulfill their internalized social obligation to contribute something giftlike. Yet about 2 weeks afterward, $100-200 checks started coming in. It was a shock because we never breathed a word about gifts or cash beyond the potluck food request. Maybe it's just my family, but it seems like cash is becoming more accepted.
Same thing happened to us. We even tried to up the "fulfill the internalized obligation" part by telling people to give us a copy of the recipe so we could collect them into a book. Most checks were put in cards and dropped off at the reception, too.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2016, 08:45:30 AM by maco »

Inaya

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #41 on: March 30, 2016, 09:48:08 AM »
I think cash as gifts makes way more sense than registries do. Wedding gifts came about to help the couple get started on their new life together, presumably fresh from their parents houses with few small appliances to their names. Couples these days are generally getting married later--typically they've already established a household and already have all the crap they need, or they are combining two households and already have twice the crap they need!
I've joked that given what you said, we should do away with wedding showers and start having divorce showers. In a divorce, someone needs a new blender, and a new toaster, and a set of plates...
Quick! Somebody invent a service that matches combining households with splitting households! Nobody will need to buy a George Foreman Grill ever again!

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #42 on: March 30, 2016, 09:50:02 AM »
My cousin had a traditional wedding, where they invited everyone living on their island (4-500 people). Some people gave sheep or fish for the dinner, other people cakes, help with serving/decorating/cleaning afterwards, some provided beds for the guests from other villages. His mother made the wedding clothes, her father arranged everything with the church. I couldn't make it, but I heard it was a great three day party. They probably got some stuff and money too, but not a lot.


We still have a few things knocking around the house that we still haven't used once in the twenty years since our wedding. Slowly, we continue to clean out. yeah, cash would be much better than some gift you might never use.

My mother was all about traditions and appearances. She was trying to do the right/polite/accepted things.

You can't register here (where there are useful things available at a reasonable cost), you need to register there (which is where all the useless things came from).

Some useful things were given, some cash was given and so were those useless things that neither DW nor I can do much with.
We needed dinner plates and stuff when we got married, and my aunt took me shopping and got us great plain kitchenware that will last for ever and never go out of fashion. It was then wrapped and put on the gift table at our wedding. My mother knew this, she knows what style I like, she knows I can't stand the decorated expensive looking stuff. But still, she went and bought me stupid overpriced overdecorated plates and cups, "to use for formal dining". Not only that, she had also gotten money from my favorite aunts to go towards the gift: more money wasted. Then, the next six or seven years after the wedding, every freaking birthday and christmas, I get to unwrap more of this horrible stuff and smile politely. When we moved, she noticed that all of this stuff was still in their boxes, and started to panic when she noticed how much I was dumping at Goodwill or selling at Craigslist. So with a light heart, I let her have everything back. She likes it, and uses it. I have room in the cabinets for stuff I actually like and use. Win - win.

We invited very few people to the wedding, and it was easy to make a wish list. Friend A: "What do you want for your wedding?" Us: "We could use a toaster". Friend B: "Any wishes for the wedding?" Us: "Some good knives could be nice?". MIL really wanted to buy cutlery, so we let her. I think she intented it for formal use, but it was good quality stuff and we have used it for years now.

maco

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #43 on: March 30, 2016, 01:18:16 PM »
My cousin had a traditional wedding, where they invited everyone living on their island (4-500 people). Some people gave sheep or fish for the dinner, other people cakes, help with serving/decorating/cleaning afterwards, some provided beds for the guests from other villages. His mother made the wedding clothes, her father arranged everything with the church. I couldn't make it, but I heard it was a great three day party. They probably got some stuff and money too, but not a lot.

I went to one of those sorts of things a few years ago. A couple I know from my living history hobby got married on the hippie commune where the bride grew up. The living history guests popped tents next to one of the vegetable fields. A lot of the vegetables came from the bride's sister's farm. We all took turns chopping food for the wedding feast while a whole pig roasted on a spit. I remember one thing I liked about being at a hippie commune was sitting down with a bushel of onions, a knife, and a cutting board, then looking around...and immediately a helpful hippie pops up going "do you need a bucket for compost?" Yes, that is exactly what I was looking for.

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #44 on: March 30, 2016, 01:29:58 PM »
I went to one of those sorts of things a few years ago. A couple I know from my living history hobby got married on the hippie commune where the bride grew up. The living history guests popped tents next to one of the vegetable fields. A lot of the vegetables came from the bride's sister's farm. We all took turns chopping food for the wedding feast while a whole pig roasted on a spit. I remember one thing I liked about being at a hippie commune was sitting down with a bushel of onions, a knife, and a cutting board, then looking around...and immediately a helpful hippie pops up going "do you need a bucket for compost?" Yes, that is exactly what I was looking for.

laugh of the day!

elaine amj

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #45 on: March 30, 2016, 02:24:18 PM »
[quote author=maco link=topic=51892.msg1031563#msg1031563 date=1459365496
I remember one thing I liked about being at a hippie commune was sitting down with a bushel of onions, a knife, and a cutting board, then looking around...and immediately a helpful hippie pops up going "do you need a bucket for compost?" Yes, that is exactly what I was looking for.
[/quote]

LOVE it!

AZDude

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #46 on: March 30, 2016, 02:42:28 PM »
We got married a few years ago. Found the idea of registries to be horribly tacky. Looked at sites like these, but had no desire to pay for the privilege. Ultimately decided to not mention gifts at all, anywhere. We got cash, and some donations to charities we like. It worked out perfectly.

I strongly argued in favor or not having a registry and not asking for gifts. I was overruled by the wife and chastised by people for not telling them what they should buy me. So I don't know... I don't want people I barely know spending money for me either by buying some random gift or handing me an envelope of cash. Just come to the wedding and enjoy yourself. I had been an adult for a decade when I got married. I did not need any of the traditional gifts and asking someone else who makes less money to pay for my international travel seemed ridiculous.

MgoSam

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #47 on: March 30, 2016, 02:46:55 PM »
A good friend of mine is having this problem. Her family keeps asking her what they need for their house, but her and her fiance already have everything they need. Her fiance is finicky about getting great quality cooking equipment and other things so they are completely set. I believe they put a registry for some splurge items that their family and friends can either get them or pool together to get them. I'm planning on giving them a gift certificate or a check.

Inaya

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Re: Instantly lose 6% of your money
« Reply #48 on: March 31, 2016, 07:29:10 AM »
Another option if you genuinely don't want gifts or cash, yet people still want to throw away their money, is you could tell them to make a donation in your name to a cause you support. There are even "charity registries" out there for this purpose--but they might charge fees or be scammy; I haven't really looked into them. A quick trip to Google seems to indicate that the charity route seems to be becoming pretty popular.