Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.

[LPeters]

This thread'll probably be more shame than comedy, just as a warning.

So I've been a bit bored this past week and I've been indulging my slightly awful fascination with inheritance drama. You know— Aunt Spendthrift skipped town with Great Uncle Mustacian's $2M estate, ran through it in a month and then asked her sister for a $50k loan. Four siblings inherit a house from their mother and one moves in her boyfriend and 7 cats and refuses to vacate, essentially squatting. Young, hot stepmother inherits your father's life savings, leaving you and your siblings with nothing. Your mother and stepfather die in a car accident and you're wracked with grief but your brothers have rushed to their house to raid the furniture and hock your mother's jewelry, and your parents aren't even cold in the ground. Your cousin tricks your grandma with Alzheimer's into signing over her house.

There's just something about death and greed and money and long-buried resentment that bubbles to the surface when there's any substantial inheritance. It tears families apart. People lie and steal and cheat.

One thing I have noticed, which I wonder if any of you can back me up on, is that the more... Mustachian, for lack of a better word, the people who inherit are, the less drama there is. I don't precisely know why that is, but it's a consistent pattern I've noticed in these stories— maybe it's because Mustachian people are less likely to obnoxiously rely on and feel entitled to an inheritance because after all, most of us have projections and plans and countdowns until FIRE, and there's such a strong vein of individualism and self-sufficiency in Mustachianism— we know we can do this on our own, so we can concentrate on the things that matter more to us than money like quality of life and beloved family.

But I don't know, really. I'm not certain about any of my logic, because I just don't understand at the most basic level. It's probably why I find the subject so fascinating. I don't have much close family, and I just can't imagine fighting with any of them over money or things.

I've just exhausted reddit, and I thought that maybe you guys who have similar values to my own might have stories and explanations that I might understand, and since we're anonymous on the internet, I figured you probably wouldn't mind sharing what amounts to embarrassing family secrets.

[SwordGuy]

A dear friend of mine came from old southern money.  His dad died and his mom remarried.  He and his mom were at the hospital while his step-dad died.  His step-sister was at the bank draining her father's accounts.   

My mom just passed away.  No inheritance drama because I'm the only child, dad already died, and I'm the executor and only heir.

But rather than sell off a bunch of her (nice but not to my taste) stuff to a bunch of strangers at an estate sale, I invited my aunt and cousins to come over and take what they wanted.    It turned into a party with those who were present picking out things for uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews who couldn't be there.   It was kind of like a wake but without the liquor and the fighting.   About as pleasant as such an event can be.

[misshathaway]

This was a long time ago - sometime in the 60s. When my maternal grandmother died, there were 4 adult sibs including my mother who were equal inheritors. While 3 of them were at the funeral, the fourth, my aunt, cleaned out the house of anything of value including a player piano. I'm sure there were many items of greater value, but this is the one that always came up as the biggest outrage.

This caused a rift of about 20 years. Then somehow there was a reconciliation and my mother sent me out to visit that aunt in Minnesota. There was the player piano in her summer house.

[crazylemon]

One within my own family.

In about 2007 my family discovered that my great great grandparents owned a rather large plot of land in the 'old country'. All the land on either side is full developed valuable land. We found out because a less than legitimate firm shall we say converted the lands use to urban and tried to start building on it when a distant local relative noticed. This was then valued at tens of millions and made everyone rather happy and so paperwork sorting to formalise things to pay back taxes etc with a view of a sale. This was complicated by large numbers of heirs (catholic family) depending on which branch of the tree. But all sorted. Then. Financial Crash. Old Country did badly. Very badly. Land dropped in value massively although still with millions, small digits. But, a squatter appeared. One of the more local family tried to get him removed but he produced an old document which stated his family has the right to farm the land. No court case has yet been started. Documents legitimacy unknown, although either way apparently.

Why not? Well most of the family are poor/lower middle income. So any costs really cut into budgets. Some don't even want to pay their share of the tax on the land (which is like, really tiny). So it is all in a very slowly progressing limbo land. Though with no rush as prices are no where near '08 levels. How many had 'counted' on the larger sum I don't know. I stay out off all of it.

Further complicated by heirs starting to die off meaning their descendants and thus even more people are involved.

I find this all rather amusing as do my parents. They are the only 'well off' couple of the family in terms of their share would mean more spendypants holidays and maybe being able to set myself  and sibling up well.

For me it doesn't really matter if it ever gets resolved. Sure I could FIRE faster but eh no biggie, looking at less than ten years total of working anyway.

[former player]

My cousin tells me that when my paternal grandmother died, there was a polite but determined dispute between my mother and my uncle as to who got the sitting room curtains (the red velvet winter ones), which was resolved when they discovered that each of them had a use in mind for just one of the curtains.

Other than that I am afraid that my family seems to have been boringly correct about inheritances on all known occasions.

[LeRainDrop]

Nothing major in my family, but a couple quirks that I find interesting:

1.  Dad's mom died when he was around 20 and his younger sister was 16.  His dad very quickly remarried, and wicked stepmother kicked the younger sister out of the house just so she could have the father and home all for herself.  Anyway, my dad and aunt wanted something sentimental of their mother's to remember her by, but stepmother wanted to keep everything.  She seriously kept the interior of the house just the same, using my dad's mom's decorations, dishes, linens, and all such stuff. The running joke in my family growing up was that whenever we were permitted by the beast to visit grandpa in his home, we should try to steal some Hummels (which purportedly were dad's mom's favorites, or at least something that dad strongly associated with his mom).  We never did take anything and the beast never offered.  Grandpa died.  Dad didn't even care about the money or the lucrative business that grandpa had built -- he just wanted some of his mom's personal effects, but the beast still kept everything for herself.

2.  My mom has a sister and brother.  The brother had a major rift with his mom a very long time ago, and they essentially did not speak for like 20 years or so.  Grandma even saw brother's daughter in the grocery store parking lot, and daughter's friend was like, "Isn't that your grandma?"  And the daughter was like, "No, my grandma is dead!"  Anyway, the brother was disinherited from my grandma's will.  She later died with a rather small estate, but meaningful enough to the family, and it was to be split 50/50 between my mom and her sister.  Mom's brother decides to sue to contest the will, making ridiculously petty claims on the estate, such as some tiny amount he had been awarded when he was in an accident as a young child, his labor hours for mowing their lawn and shoveling the snow in the driveway when he was a kid, etc.

[astvilla]

There's just something about death and greed and money and long-buried resentment that bubbles to the surface when there's any substantial inheritance. It tears families apart. People lie and steal and cheat.

One thing I have noticed, which I wonder if any of you can back me up on, is that the more... Mustachian, for lack of a better word, the people who inherit are, the less drama there is. I don't precisely know why that is, but it's a consistent pattern I've noticed in these stories— maybe it's because Mustachian people are less likely to obnoxiously rely on and feel entitled to an inheritance because after all, most of us have projections and plans and countdowns until FIRE, and there's such a strong vein of individualism and self-sufficiency in Mustachianism— we know we can do this on our own, so we can concentrate on the things that matter more to us than money like quality of life and beloved family.

But I don't know, really. I'm not certain about any of my logic, because I just don't understand at the most basic level. It's probably why I find the subject so fascinating. I don't have much close family, and I just can't imagine fighting with any of them over money or things.

Well you hinted at it.  Mustachians are people who can take care of themselves and are more independent financially.  We've controlled our spending habits to live within our means and we're not so desperate for handouts from inheritances.  We're not scrambling for an inheritance to feed some "addiction" tied to spending.

I do think there's some underlying "addiction" or brain psychology involved in spending, the lizard brain supposedly.  I don't have literature but I feel it's out there somewhere.  I know that making money stimulates the same center of the brain as cocaine which is a reason why Wall St. bankers exhibit drug use and other behaviors associated w/addicts.  I imagine spending behaviors are tied into neuroscience too.

I think your observation holds some ground.  My parents aren't Mustachian but aren't anti-Mustachian.  They paid off house, my college, live w/in their means, have pensions.  They just don't have big retirement savings like most here and only had me.  If they knew/followed this board, they'd be doing heck of a lot better (millions better). 

My aunt by blood and her husband OTOH is more anti-Mustachian and are still working (late 60s), spending on outward appearance of wealth (luxury cars, nice phones, 30 year mortgages, use bank's money, not your own, very American-like for someone very Asian), lying on taxes (declaring my grandfather in Asia is an employee when actually not) so they were kneeling and begging (as retold by aunt) my grandfather to change the will to give them the highly valued property to them immediately instead of letting the grandmother (not blood related) who's been taking care of grandpa to stay until she died before transferring. And grandfather already gave a lot of $$ already to the aunt.  Some bickering and posturing to get the property like more frequent visits, and asking around for $$ from relatives; they can't "retire" w/their lifestyle.  The eldest brother (my uncle) is pretty timid but is getting the house, which aunt isn't happy about.  My parents aren't inheriting a single penny, they just don't want to see my grandfather exploited by my aunt and her husband and for the grandfather to make his own choice.  Out of the 3, my parents are doing the best financially and comfortably.  Strangely, they have never gotten any help from grandparents and don't ask for it either.  My dad was told if wants $$ from grandfather, to ask the sister for it (since she already got a lot). They just mind their own business, I think their habits, only child, and good jobs allowed them to do that. 

To my aunt and her husband's credit though, they gave $50K for a house downpayment to their daughter who makes at least 4X as much as me and had already worked 10 years and no kids...

They also lent $100K to older brother and he paid back w/in a couple months.  They also spent a lot on their son including his wedding and when son mentioned/"boasted" of 170K bonus he got to my aunt/uncle, they asked if he could lend $50K to my aunt/uncle for a downpayment on a smaller, cheaper house.  The son then said "uhh it's locked up in some CD account" and can't access it.  Later they said they were moving away but gave no specifics (I'm guessing running away from said aunt/uncle)

It definitely had to do w/looking rich.  The uncle has rich friends so felt had to keep up.  Whenever there were choices between family gatherings, he always picked the rich people.  The uncle's own brother even said it, "Oh he's not coming, he's eating w/rich people".  Mind you everyone's Chinese, people you'd expect to be fiscally very conservative and stingy.

[bacchi]

A mother dies and her three children will inherit equally.

One, the eldest by 10 years, has never been happy with her younger sisters because they ruined her single child upbringing (or something like that; who knows?).

When the body is cremated, the eldest takes the ashes and uses a scale to determine exactly how much each sister gets. After taking her "portion" of the ashes, she gives back to her younger sisters the remainder of the ashes in a plastic bag.

Eldest sister is in her 80s and continues to be angry to this day, despite repeated attempts at communication.

[mm1970]

My family was rural, poor, Catholic, and large.  At some point my grandfather and his brothers built a business.  While my mom was a child they were very poor, but they had enough money to send the youngest to trade school.

Eventually the business did well, and I'd say my grandparents were worth about a million, a lot of money in my home town.  One of my brothers was working the business also, so he got his inheritance (part of the business) while alive.  The trust/ will set up was to divide the money left in the business (when it was sold) between the boys.  The house (worth a lot less), would be sold and proceeds would go to the girls.

Well, my grandmother died in her early 60's, and my grandfather remarried within a year.  This caused a rift.  He traveled quite a bit with grandma, but that upset some aunts/ uncles with the new wife because he's spending their inheritance.  My grandpa worked very hard.  His new wife?  Raised 11 children essentially on her own and also worked very  hard. Wonderful woman (and my grandpa would not have done well single).

Anyway, my grandfather died in his 80's (17 years ago), and at that point, he'd been married to his second wife for more than 15 years.  After the funeral, my uncle called my mom (the executor) and wanted to know WHEN HE WAS GETTING HIS MONEY BECAUSE HE'S WAITED HIS WHOLE LIFE FOR HIS MONEY (probably $250k).  My grandpa was not even buried yet.

Here's the thing - the trust was set up so that his second wife could live off the interest of the trust - AND THE PRINCIPAL IF NECESSARY, until she dies.  She didn't really need much - she has a pension from working at the library while raising her family, plus social security.  When they married, she kept her house and eventually moved back into it.

Yeah, well, that was 17 years ago.  She's 97.  Still living.  AND, she's outlived both my mother and an aunt.  That uncle?  Not doing too great, and I think she might outlive him too.

[Naan Violence]

My grandmother died fairly young and unexpectedly. It was assumed she would live to be significantly older and that my mother would help care for her as she aged. As a result, my grandmother did not split the inheritance evenly, but left more money with my mother to pay for the assumed expenses. When the will was revealed my mom's siblings were furious that they were not receiving as much money. My mom offered to do an even split so everyone got the same amount but they would have none of it. It's been 22 years now and my aunts and uncles still refuse to speak to my family.

[Paul der Krake]

Yeah, well, that was 17 years ago.  She's 97.  Still living.  AND, she's outlived both my mother and an aunt.  That uncle?  Not doing too great, and I think she might outlive him too.

Stories like that are fantastic.

In 1965, an elderly French woman of 90 years with no heirs and a smoking habit, entered a contract with her cunning 47 year old attorney. She sells him her apartment in exchange for life annuity payments.  The elderly lady continues to live, eventually outliving him and continuing to receive payments from the deceased attorney's wife, as per the contract. She dies in 1997 at the age of 122 years, the longest human lifespan ever recorded. The attorney and his wife ended up paying more than twice the apartment's value to her over 3 decades.

She was a kickass lady too. She only stopped riding her bicycle after hitting 3 digits, and lived on her own until 110.

People really shouldn't bank on others dying.

[justajane]

Anyway, my grandfather died in his 80's (17 years ago), and at that point, he'd been married to his second wife for more than 15 years.  After the funeral, my uncle called my mom (the executor) and wanted to know WHEN HE WAS GETTING HIS MONEY BECAUSE HE'S WAITED HIS WHOLE LIFE FOR HIS MONEY (probably $250k).  My grandpa was not even buried yet.

It never ceases to amaze me what people think they are entitled to. My husband's aunt was married to her third husband for over a decade. He died, and his son from a previous marriage was livid that he didn't get his father's pension and inheritance. Um, that goes to his wife. I do think if she dies, it would be nice for her to leave some of that money to her former stepson, but he has cut ties so that is unlikely to happen. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

In the case of my father-in-law who is remarried, they have set up some sort of trust so that, if he dies, his wife (my step mother-in-law) can't disinherit my husband or his brother. I'm not sure it's iron clad, and I'm not going to stress over it either way. It would suck if she got vindictive if he died and left all of his money to her children instead of his, but there's not much I can do about it.

My mother-in-law just lost her husband in his early 60s, and he never had any children of his own. He has a pretty significant stash that is now my MIL's. I wonder if he has a provision for his brother, who is struggling financially. That would be  nice, because I don't think we really "deserve" his money if my MIL were to pass earlier than expected. Of course, it would be moot if she lives to her 90s, since his brother would likely be gone as well.

[LaineyAZ]

Happened to a former co-worker.  She married at around age 28 to a guy who was about 40.  Her 1st marriage, his 2nd.  He had an ex-wife and 2 kids. 
About a year into their marriage she gives birth to a baby girl, but not long after that, her husband dies of a heart attack. 
Turns out he had not changed his beneficiary information, so yes, the ex-wife and kids got everything.  They took everything too, including his personal property from the house.

Co-worker only received Social Security widow and survivor benefits and she had to go back home and live with her parents.

Moral:  please update your paperwork!

[Wilson Hall]

Yeah, well, that was 17 years ago.  She's 97.  Still living.  AND, she's outlived both my mother and an aunt.  That uncle?  Not doing too great, and I think she might outlive him too.

Stories like that are fantastic.

In 1965, an elderly French woman of 90 years with no heirs and a smoking habit, entered a contract with her cunning 47 year old attorney. She sells him her apartment in exchange for life annuity payments.  The elderly lady continues to live, eventually outliving him and continuing to receive payments from the deceased attorney's wife, as per the contract. She dies in 1997 at the age of 122 years, the longest human lifespan ever recorded. The attorney and his wife ended up paying more than twice the apartment's value to her over 3 decades.

She was a kickass lady too. She only stopped riding her bicycle after hitting 3 digits, and lived on her own until 110.

People really shouldn't bank on others dying.

These are awesome.

We spent part of the holidays with my husband's grandparents, who are in their early 90s, live comfortably in their home, and still drive. The grandfather is in some ways sharper than any of our parents. I can see one or both grandparents making it to 100 or beyond.

Once they have passed on, I fully expect drama from one my husband's aunts, who has broken all ties with the extended family. I doubt she has been entirely cut out of the will, but if she has I'm sure she'll raise holy hell, even though she was the instigator of the rift and for no good reason.  People are crazy and selfish.

[iris lily]

I've been watching a fictional treatment of inheritance drama, a Danish tv series called The Legacy. it's as juicy as can be, with a mother figure dying suddenly with important assets, multiple,children including her illigitimate daughter, varying passionate ideas about outcome of the estate, and lots of angst.

Highly recommended.

[iris lily]

My cousin tells me that when my paternal grandmother died, there was a polite but determined dispute between my mother and my uncle as to who got the sitting room curtains (the red velvet winter ones), which was resolved when they discovered that each of them had a use in mind for just one of the curtains.

Other than that I am afraid that my family seems to have been boringly correct about inheritances on all known occasions.

Please, you simply cannot drop ,that story onto this site without further detail.

What does one do with one red velvet drape? Xmas tree skirt? Pillows for the bordello room?

[iris lily]

A mother dies and her three children will inherit equally.

One, the eldest by 10 years, has never been happy with her younger sisters because they ruined her single child upbringing (or something like that; who knows?).

When the body is cremated, the eldest takes the ashes and uses a scale to determine exactly how much each sister gets. After taking her "portion" of the ashes, she gives back to her younger sisters the remainder of the ashes in a plastic bag.

Eldest sister is in her 80s and continues to be angry to this day, despite repeated attempts at communication.

So great! Love this thread.

[Papa Mustache]

I've been watching a fictional treatment of inheritance drama, a Danish tv series called The Legacy. it's as juicy as can be, with a mother figure dying suddenly with important assets, multiple,children including her illigitimate daughter, varying passionate ideas about outcome of the estate, and lots of angst.

Highly recommended.

I wish we got more European TV here in the USA. With subtitles of course.

I agree with an earlier poster above that said self-sufficiency was a strong instinct in most of us here at MMM. Its something my wife and I are proud of about ourselves. We've done okay but never asked for money from either pairs of our parents. Nobody able to Lord over us about anything. ;)

The inheritence stories I know about: two separate unmarried males. Neither know each other. Different parts of the state.

Both eventually inherit the properties and money of everyone in their families. One finally gave up working. Lives in an old but modest house. From the sound of it - the house is stuffed to the gills with antique furniture. He eats out just about every meal. He can't seem to let anything go.

The other one asked to use some of my tools to remake a chimney cap. Said it was for his grandparents' house (this fellow is nearly retirement age himself). They aren't living anymore but he keeps the power on ot heat/cool the house b/c it contains the furniture/antiques of the extended family which all went to him. Can't seem to let anything go either.

When I sociably ask him when he's retiring he tells me hes worried he won't have enough. Despite living at home, never married, no kids, and a pension plus Social Security. Who knows? (Doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, etc.)

I hope someday to be able to prowl through these houses and buy a few antiques. It might all be very ordinary and unremarkable or both houses could be treasure troves. Who knows?

A little closer to home. My grandfather achieved ALOT through very MMM means with an 8th grade education. When he died everything went to my grandmother of course and was mis-managed by one of my uncles who then tried to hide what he spent the money on. She was taken car of to her last day but he was skimming alot of money off for himself. The going belief is he bouht some toys (vehicles) and paid some of his debts. Married, left her child with her parents to raise. ?!?!?!

What was left of my grandparents' money was then divided among the siblings. Once the other siblings figured out what happened it caused a break in the family that has never healed. Lots of 50 year old emotional baggage there that I only know part of. Recently that uncle died and everything left went to another uncle. Still the break remains. The whole family functioned better apart than they did together.

Meanwhile my parents have done well for themselves so the money would just be icing on the proverbial cake. Still a desire for fairness persisted. The break in the family was good for my mother emotionally. She and I have had our differences but never over money. We are just different kinds of personalities and my parents would have tried to make alot of my decisions for me if I let them. Nothing unheard of here at MMM. ;) I'm a grown man. I think my wife and I can handle our affairs ourselves just fine. ;)

Took a while to figure out all the players and their role in the story of my grandparents' affairs. Family has never been great communicators. Anyhow as my grandfather and then grandmother sickened and died - a married couple from 30 years in my grandparents' past appeared and began to cozy up to the family. It became clear that they there to snap up any financial or property crumbs that might fall in their direction.

Around here there are is a portion of the population who are short sighted offspring who inherit their elders' properties. A family death and a will is means to fast money. They then quickly auction it off for the quickest cash sale. That cash then goes towards ATVs, boats, RVs, big pickups, and other steeply depreciating big boy toys. In a few short years it is spent and these "children" have little to show for their parents' lifetime of savings and work.

So when my grandparents died and the family did not suddenly want to fire sale any assets that couple quickly departed from the social circle. I should point out that they ran one of those sub-prime lending companies. Not quite Payday Loans but not a real bank either. They did well over the years and were quite good at petting a person's ego to cozy up and get well positioned to hear family secrets.

Last story: through some sort of unfortunate event or sickness a man a county over from here lost his wife and was awarded ~$250K or so by lawsuit or insurance. Now a few years later he has car hopped until most of the money is gone. He is old enough to retire and might need it to help him have a comfortable old age but the area car dealers absorbed alot of it as profits as he changed vehicles many times. Expensive pickup truck, car for daughter, then repeat multiple times. Shopping therapy I guess.

[Adventine]

Posting to follow! So much juicy drama.

[mnsaver]

Happened to a former co-worker.  She married at around age 28 to a guy who was about 40.  Her 1st marriage, his 2nd.  He had an ex-wife and 2 kids. 
About a year into their marriage she gives birth to a baby girl, but not long after that, her husband dies of a heart attack. 
Turns out he had not changed his beneficiary information, so yes, the ex-wife and kids got everything.  They took everything too, including his personal property from the house.

Co-worker only received Social Security widow and survivor benefits and she had to go back home and live with her parents.

Moral:  please update your paperwork!

I used to work in a retiree call center and can't tell you how many times I saw this. Paperwork was filled out years (sometimes decades ago), retiree dies and is on second/or third wife but paperwork still leaves everything to wife number one. Those were horrible, horrible calls.

[crispy]

Before my dad died, my sisters were talking about taking my mom (and theirs too) to court to get their fair share. I am not sure why they thought they deserved any part of my dad's estate more than my mom.  I had to make sure he had an airtight will signed while he was on his freakin' deathbed to keep them from trying to keep them from trying to sue.  They didn't even bother to come to his funeral, but felt they deserved money.  It sickens me, and I cut out of my life after that.  Ironically, my mom "forgave" them a few years later and now I am the bad guy for cutting them off. Maybe I should have allowed them to sue...

Anyway, my mom got remarried a few years back and they were up in arms about that because they said he was out to get her money (btw, my mom has no money.  She owns a paid for house and some land, but that's it.) My favorite was my sister telling her she was going to burn in hell if she married him. Anyway, they have now figured out that he has a little money of his own so now they are buddy-buddy with him.  I just tell her I don't want to hear about it.

My mom has told me she made me the executor of her will a few years back, but I emphatically told her to name someone else and to not leave me anything.  I have a few family heirlooms already so I am good.  I have no desire to be involved with any of it.

[crispy]

A friend of mine's sister sued her stepmother after their dad died.  She was convinced that he was a secretly a millionaire and that they stepmother had been stealing his money and hiding it in off-shore accounts and that she had made him change his will, etc.  She even had my friend and her family followed by a private detective because she was convinced that they were helping the stepmother.  She didn't think his wife deserved anything even though they had been married for over 20 years at this point.  In reality, he left enough to for his widows to live out her last years in comfort, but not enormous wealth by any means.  The stepmother was pretty kind in general and had offered for both my friend and her sister to come and get all the family heirlooms so that they would stay in the family.

The worst thing about the whole thing is that the sister married into a wealthy family, lives in a huge house, and doesn't need a dime.  On the advice of her attorney, the stepmother offered a small amount of money (less than 10K) to make the whole thing go away and keep her from dragging her husband's name through the mud in the small town where they lived.  The whole thing was just sad.

[coffeehound]

Not me, but DH's family story is juicily dysfunctional...........

DH's grandfather (GF) was financially very successful when MIL was young - live-in maid, fabulous parties, etc.  At some point pre-DH, GF leaves his wife, remarries. DH's grandmother's divorce settlement is somewhere in the 7 figures.

GF died 20 years ago, and MIL is STILL pissed that the second wife inherited ANY of his estate (I think she got around $5 million). MIL inherited enough to buy a historic home in a fancy-pants neighborhood in CA and renovate it. We're talking gutting much of the interior and completely rehabbing the exterior/yard/new HVAC, the works.

But wait, there's more........ DH's DH's aunt, upon receiving her inheritance, promptly quits her job, moves to Europe, and becomes a screenwriter.  Of course, the money runs out and the screenplay doesn't go anywhere, so she returns to CA and her house and gets another job.

DH's grandmother develops dementia. Meanwhile, DH's aunt, who has issues with reality and alcohol, loses her job. Aunt then visits grandmother, and has grandmother sign some blank checks. After it's discovered that Aunt has helped herself to something in the neighborhood of $25K, MIL confronts Aunt. Aunt's answer? 'I was just getting an advance on my inheritance.' Even before Grandmother's death, there are regular requests for more 'advances' from Aunt, for things like property taxes and dental work. Grandmother died about a decade ago, and I am waiting quietly for Aunt's money to run out, and MIL to begin subsidizing her, though I don't think MIL would ever tell me about it.

Meanwhile, MIL, who is now in her 70s and proudly tells us she and FIL haven't spent a penny of the inheritance, but maybe some of the payout of investment gains, continues to work at her 6-figure/year, high-stress job.  She also regularly offers us money for projects around our house or things we 'need' - think new cars or a larger home, but positively shouts us down if we say we'd like to spend some of the gifts to invest in our retirement. DH was okay with saving only the minimum for his retirement until I pointed out to him that he was, in effect, waiting for his parents to die so he could retire....... Now, we spend the a minimum of the financial gifts on something to show MIL, and invest the rest.

[SwordGuy]

Posting to follow! So much juicy drama.

Just press the "Notify" button at the bottom of the page... :)

[Travis]

Happened to a former co-worker.  She married at around age 28 to a guy who was about 40.  Her 1st marriage, his 2nd.  He had an ex-wife and 2 kids. 
About a year into their marriage she gives birth to a baby girl, but not long after that, her husband dies of a heart attack. 
Turns out he had not changed his beneficiary information, so yes, the ex-wife and kids got everything.  They took everything too, including his personal property from the house.

Co-worker only received Social Security widow and survivor benefits and she had to go back home and live with her parents.

Moral:  please update your paperwork!

I used to work in a retiree call center and can't tell you how many times I saw this. Paperwork was filled out years (sometimes decades ago), retiree dies and is on second/or third wife but paperwork still leaves everything to wife number one. Those were horrible, horrible calls.

A few years ago I had to do the paperwork for a soldier who was killed in Iraq while I was back home.  While I was sorting through his file I walked down the hall and saw that we had a female soldier in our unit with the same last name.  I didn't think much of it until I got a call from the male soldier's unit saying I needed to come down to their office.  It turns out he was married to the female in my unit.  Nobody knew they were married. Not his unit, not his family, and not the Army at large.  They were only married a couple months before he shipped out and they never turned in the paperwork. We knew she was married, but not to whom.  Since they didn't file any paperwork, she was not informed of his death - only his mother was.  She happened to walk down to his unit the same day and ask why she hadn't heard from him in a couple weeks (death notices are done within 24 hours, but apparently he wasn't keeping in touch very well either).  The rear-detachment commander was stuck because without proof of marriage he legally couldn't say a word to her.  By the end of the day she was finally informed her husband was killed, both units learned they were married, and his mother learned she had a daughter in law. 

His life insurance still listed his mother as the beneficiary ($400k), but the death gratuity ($100k) and his personal effects still automatically went to the spouse.  There was bad blood between the wife and his family for about a week, but by the time of the funeral they had smoothed everything out. We sent an escort with her just in case.

[Travis]

One of my closest friends has an associate who she helps financially every now and then (a few hundred here and there, probably $10k over the last 5 years).  This person's sister died a few years ago and allegedly left her an insurance policy/estate worth millions from which she swears my friend will receive a portion.  Every now and then this inheritance comes up in conversation, but there is always some legal roadblock to it being dispersed.  One time the lawyer screwed up the paperwork, then a series of family members sued for their share.  It's been so long and stories so varied my friend has pretty much moved on from the whole thing, but it comes up every few months when her friend needs more money.



My paternal grandfather died about 8 years ago.  I was in Iraq so I missed the funeral and all the family drama that went with it.  According to my parents, the week after his death all the brothers and sisters (5 siblings plus spouses) were together and for an entire week the dinner conversation was who got what - and right in front of my grandmother.  With his death and their age she was going to downsize into a retirement community apartment so lots of stuff was up for grabs, but the ordeal left my parents thoroughly shocked and jaded.  With my grandmother still alive and well I imagine there was no money to disperse since she's still living on it.  I don't know what happened to most of their property and heirlooms, but my father ended up with his father's WWII enlistment papers, medals, and a couple other related items and I think he was quite satisfied with that.

My mother died 4 years ago. Whatever insurance arrangements she had with my father were enough for him to finally pull the trigger on retirement.  My sister and I received a small slice of it, but thankfully there wasn't anything else to discuss. With my mother gone, one of DW's grandmother's gone, both grandfathers gone, and her other grandmother over 100 and losing steam all of the kids in our generation are starting to ponder what happens next with their parents.  I'm pretty sure our parents will be around for quite a long time (all in their early 60s), but it's tough to walk through their houses and not think about their estates and how all of that will play out.  I try not to think about it, but sometimes it ends up being gallows humor to lighten the mood when the kids are together.

[justajane]

I do have sympathy for sons and daughters in certain cases of remarriage. For instance, I was friends with a woman in her eighties who lived next to me in an apartment complex. She was pretty much a shut-in and a hoarder - well, not pretty much. She was. A lovely lady, but once her husband of 20+ years died, she started to hoard and not ever leave her apartment. I struck up a friendship with her and spent a fair amount of time with her.

She never had children, but her late husband had an adult daughter. The daughter lived in town and invited her stepmother to spend every single holiday with her and her family. She called her weekly or more to chat. I always sensed that my friend was paranoid about her stepdaughter. She rejected almost all of her invitations.

When she died, my friend left everything to her brother who lives across the country in California. He didn't even show up for over a week - leaving his sister's body at the morgue freezer, and then he just dumped almost everything in a dumpster without giving the stepdaughter access to the property. I imagine there were mementos and photos and other items from her father that she would have wanted. Plus he didn't do a funeral or a memorial. Nothing.

The stepdaughter ended up doing her own memorial a few months later graveside. I attended along with a few other caregivers. It was obvious that they were not well off, but they nonetheless took the time to print out a booklet with my friend's life story and provided some food and drink. It just made me sad that my friend didn't leave them anything at all, since that was also her husband's and their father's money and memorabilia. He was a well known pianist in the 50s and 60s, so I imagine there were lots of things in the apartment that they would have wanted. And IMO it would have been nice for my friend to have left them even a token amount, instead of giving it all to her eccentric and loner brother. Just my opinion. No one is entitled to money when someone dies, but that doesn't make all the decisions people make with their money fair or kind.

[FiveSigmas]

My cousin tells me that when my paternal grandmother died, there was a polite but determined dispute between my mother and my uncle as to who got the sitting room curtains (the red velvet winter ones), which was resolved when they discovered that each of them had a use in mind for just one of the curtains.

I loved this story. Thanks for sharing, FP.

[Adventine]

Posting to follow! So much juicy drama.

Just press the "Notify" button at the bottom of the page... :)

Alas, I'm using the stripped-down WAP version of the forum to make it easier to read on my smartphone. The Notify button doesn't show up :)

[Abe]

My grandfather died several years ago, and my grandmother lives with one of her children at an time (usually my aunt). Their house in the old country was sold for ~$350k US to a distant relative of ours. The proceeds were apparently split between my uncle and aunt without my father getting anything. My uncle was struggling financially after the market collapse, so my father didn't care. Sometimes he grumbles about it, but the inheritance is so small compared to my parents' savings that it's irrelevant. He gets annoyed on occasion about the uncle's spending habits, though.

[Astatine]

Posting to follow! So much juicy drama.

Just press the "Notify" button at the bottom of the page... :)

Alas, I'm using the stripped-down WAP version of the forum to make it easier to read on my smartphone. The Notify button doesn't show up :)

The Notify button doesn't really work as expected, so you're not missing anything. :) (you just get annoying emails and it doesn't show up in your Unread Replies)

[Adventine]

^Ah, good to know.

[rpr]

Posting to follow as well.

[appleblossom]

It's nice to read stories of families that are at least as dysfunctional as my mothers!

My mother is the youngest of 4 kids, the eldest is the only boy and was very much the favored child. Think fancy private schools and plenty of cash gifts and subsidised living as an adult.

My grandfather died in his 70s after a long illness, but it still came as a shock to my grandmother. Not so much to my uncle who arrived the next day with a large trailer unit and proceeded to clean out the house of everything of value. He was of the opinion that as he was the only boy that everything was his - completely disregarding the fact that his mother was still alive (and only in her 60s).
By the time my grandmother recovered from the shock it was a couple of weeks later and all her beautiful antiques were 400km away. I doubt she would have been able to stop him but she might have had a better chance than my mum (basically as the youngest she was completely ignored and no one else spoke up).
This worsened a rift in the family that meant that my uncle and his crazy wife didn't speak to my mum for about 20years.

When my grandmother died (25 yrs later) it was better, but only because there was nothing left of value aside from the house. Which my mothers sister wanted sold instantly so she almost sold it for $150k less than it was worth. Luckily it needed my mum's signature and she stopped the sale.
My aunt also gave away some of the furniture that had been promised to certain family members to random friends and they sold it before it could be retrieved.

My uncle died last year, and his crazy wife didn't bother to call my mum, instead she had her lawyer send a letter demanding that my mum send a rocking horse that belonged to my mum and her siblings as children to her, or she would sue for it, as it was apparently part of my uncles estate. We pointed out that it was gifted to us as children by our grandparents almost 30yrs ago and had been in our possession since, and very politely that she could go **** herself.

My sisters and I have sworn to never let our relationship deteriorate to that point.

[TheBuddha]

So gossip. Very follow.

[Meowmalade]

Following!

[MMMaybe]

Following!

[smalllife]

Not quite drama, but my mom's siblings had some "interesting" discussions cleaning out my grandfathers house. In the end my mom couldn't bear to throw out junk without ar least looking at it first and brought back the unsorted goods to her garage. They smelled of mold and she ignored our warnings and now everything in her garage is ruined. My siblings and I hope she sees the clutter light before its too late - during that time we talked about whay we wanted: its a combined four or five items ....

[Frankies Girl]

When my maternal grandmother died, my (asshole to everyone) uncle came to the funeral and demanded the will to be read that day... if not AT the funeral. The rest of the family told him (nicely, cause they were still in shock that he would do that) to go fuck himself. He could care less about his parents or siblings and used to lie about his background to make himself look better, and only showed up to demand money he felt he was owed (and to pretend for a few minutes that he was mourning to a few people he cared about impressing/sucking up to).

One of my aunts called a locksmith and pretended to live at my grandmother's house, convinced him to break in and then change the locks for her, and as soon as he left, she loaded up her car with things. Fortunately nothing valuable, but my mom had to demand the locksmith come change the locks again and he did so for free since he didn't get proof from the aunt that she even lived there... so he'd have been complicit in committing breaking and entering and theft. (small town, so once he knew about aunt's lying, no one else would have let her repeat the action).

And same aunt also stole lots of mail, found a large dividend check that was send after grandmother's death, and forged her signature and cashed the check (over $40K). My mom found this fraud/theft pretty quickly and told aunt that she had better return said money ASAP as she'd be going to actual prison if she didn't (aunt had drug/alcohol/petty theft record, but not this scale). Aunt returned money. She really was so stupid it didn't occur to her that it would be easy to show that grandmother had been dead for weeks at the time she was supposed to have signed the check over to aunt. And that forgery and theft of that much money would be 5-10 years in state prison instead of a couple of days in county jail she'd done in the past.

[trailrated]

posting to follow

[mm1970]

Wow, this is some crazy stuff!

The next one is pretty tame -

We had one year in our family with a lot of deaths  (grandparents, uncles, my dad, etc), all in a couple of months.

Anyway, my friend inherited about $100k from her European mother when she died.  (Lots of death taxes, split 2 ways, that's what was left).

Shortly thereafter, friend's husband tells her he wants a divorce, after 40 years of marriage.  At this point, they own a vacation condo and their house, outright. Husband is retired by now, friend never worked.

Anyway, husband signs over the house in exchange for the condo (which friend signs over to their children instead).  Since husband was cheating anyway, he was just happy to be out.

But then...he was disappointed that she didn't offer him half of her mother's inheritance.  Dude, you cheated on your wife of 40 years, and you want half of her  inheritance?  Screw you!

[Papa Mustache]

These people who think they are entitled to property or money from their living relatives - like the uncle that backs up a trailer and cleans out his living mother's house - BLOWS my mind!

Or the people who think they are due a "pre-inheritance".

Keep the stories coming. This has been quite the education.

When my maternal grandparents (which had some money) died - I got nothing. No big deal. It was a messy situation. I prefer my independence over participating in the mess that it became.

When my paternal grandfather died (GM still alive) I got a few of his tools - among them his workbench that he built before I was born and some of his father's hand tools. They mean more to me than any tool at the big box hardware store.

[rpr]

...
My sisters and I have sworn to never let our relationship deteriorate to that point.

After seeing a lot of similar drama when we were kids, my siblings and I did similarly agree to this. Unfortunately, one of us got married to someone like the spouse in your story :(

[mm1970]

These people who think they are entitled to property or money from their living relatives - like the uncle that backs up a trailer and cleans out his living mother's house - BLOWS my mind!

Or the people who think they are due a "pre-inheritance".

Keep the stories coming. This has been quite the education.

When my maternal grandparents (which had some money) died - I got nothing. No big deal. It was a messy situation. I prefer my independence over participating in the mess that it became.

When my paternal grandfather died (GM still alive) I got a few of his tools - among them his workbench that he built before I was born and some of his father's hand tools. They mean more to me than any tool at the big box hardware store.

I know, right?  Crazy.

When my GF's second wife dies, I'm due to inherit 1/3 of my mother's 1/4 of the proceeds from the sale of the house.  Or...about $8k.

My stepfather is quite mustachian, and never had his own children.  So his will splits his estate 3 ways (my mother's 3 kids).  Upon speaking with his lawyer, he decided to gift my sister part of her inheritance early, because it's land, and land right next to the land she lives on.  (Because he gifted her that too, when she married.)  He wanted to make VERY sure that I knew it, and that I was okay with it, and that it would come out of her share.  I said "dude, it's your money and land, do what you want!"

[paddedhat]

Mom dies and leaves rough a million to be divided three ways to me, and a half- brother and sister. I'm the executor. The half sister is about as sorry of an excuse for a human as it gets, drugs, alcohol addiction, felony manslaughter DUI, been leaching off mom and dad for decades, lives at home for free, allergic to engaging in productive employment, etc ...............and that's in the plus column.

 Lucky enough, at the time of mom's passing, sis is in the middle of hip surgery and will be in rehab. for many weeks. Sis decides to boycott the funeral, for some psycho. reason that doesn't really matter to rational folks. Her next move is to inform the estate that she will continue to occupy the family homestead, and fully expects to have the home titled in her name. Well this is a bit problematic for a few reasons, including the fact that it violates the will, and she is on Medicaid, SSD, and countless other programs that have asset limitations. The will directs me to liquidate everything and divide it equally, with sis's portion going to a blind trust to prevent it from being seized by various agencies she is milking. She lawyers up, and I get a call from a junior attorney with Dewey, Cheatum and Howe. He attempts to be mildly intimidating, but I just can't cower all that well, particularly since he is FOS, and awaiting his first chin whisker. I ask Opie if he has done any due diligence on his client? He asks me to be more specific? I ask if it's pro bono, or does he suffer from delusions of being compensated for his work? He takes the fifth, but asks what I'm getting at. I then tell him that I can produce a large box of mail, bills, correspondence from her last council, etc........ that have piled, unopened, from the last six months or so. I explain that she only opens mail from the court system, since she greatly fears returning to jail. Other than that, it doesn't get opened or paid. The conversation ended pretty quickly after that, an the firm decided that it was a good client to drop.

Next I get a call from a county social worker, who decides he is another wannabee lawyer. This guy is going on about how I am in danger of violating her rights to housing, and heading down a dangerous path. He too is attempting to be a hard ass, like he is some kind of a rouge street cop. I then recommended that he concentrate his efforts on keeping his client out of jail, by making sure she was keeping up with the requirements of her parole. I also suggested he might want to take a look at the ongoing elder abuse investigation , as a result of her mother's coworkers and friends concern over the abuse taking place in the home that she shared with her mother. He drops the tough guy routine and listens to the reality that there is no way in hell that she will be heading back to her old "home", for many reasons. In the end I flipped the home, bumping the value up by $40K with three weeks and $7K invested. It sells quick and that drama is over.

All things considered, it was a long ugly process, but the house was sold and she got exactly what she was entitled to. She pulled a lot of other totally F-ed up stuff while mom was dying, and tried a whole bunch more until the estate settled. In the end she had a rude awaking, since her entitlement delusions had her convinced that she was going to be handed absolutely everything including a house and enough money to live happily ever after.

[Kitsunegari]

This 3d is a gold mine. Keep them coming!

[Wilson Hall]

Mom dies and leaves rough a million to be divided three ways to me, and a half- brother and sister. I'm the executor. The half sister is about as sorry of an excuse for a human as it gets, drugs, alcohol addiction, felony manslaughter DUI, been leaching off mom and dad for decades, lives at home for free, allergic to engaging in productive employment, etc ...............and that's in the plus column.

 Lucky enough, at the time of mom's passing, sis is in the middle of hip surgery and will be in rehab. for many weeks. Sis decides to boycott the funeral, for some psycho. reason that doesn't really matter to rational folks. Her next move is to inform the estate that she will continue to occupy the family homestead, and fully expects to have the home titled in her name. Well this is a bit problematic for a few reasons, including the fact that it violates the will, and she is on Medicaid, SSD, and countless other programs that have asset limitations. The will directs me to liquidate everything and divide it equally, with sis's portion going to a blind trust to prevent it from being seized by various agencies she is milking. She lawyers up, and I get a call from a junior attorney with Dewey, Cheatum and Howe. He attempts to be mildly intimidating, but I just can't cower all that well, particularly since he is FOS, and awaiting his first chin whisker. I ask Opie if he has done any due diligence on his client? He asks me to be more specific? I ask if it's pro bono, or does he suffer from delusions of being compensated for his work? He takes the fifth, but asks what I'm getting at. I then tell him that I can produce a large box of mail, bills, correspondence from her last council, etc........ that have piled, unopened, from the last six months or so. I explain that she only opens mail from the court system, since she greatly fears returning to jail. Other than that, it doesn't get opened or paid. The conversation ended pretty quickly after that, an the firm decided that it was a good client to drop.

Next I get a call from a county social worker, who decides he is another wannabee lawyer. This guy is going on about how I am in danger of violating her rights to housing, and heading down a dangerous path. He too is attempting to be a hard ass, like he is some kind of a rouge street cop. I then recommended that he concentrate his efforts on keeping his client out of jail, by making sure she was keeping up with the requirements of her parole. I also suggested he might want to take a look at the ongoing elder abuse investigation , as a result of her mother's coworkers and friends concern over the abuse taking place in the home that she shared with her mother. He drops the tough guy routine and listens to the reality that there is no way in hell that she will be heading back to her old "home", for many reasons. In the end I flipped the home, bumping the value up by $40K with three weeks and $7K invested. It sells quick and that drama is over.

All things considered, it was a long ugly process, but the house was sold and she got exactly what she was entitled to. She pulled a lot of other totally F-ed up stuff while mom was dying, and tried a whole bunch more until the estate settled. In the end she had a rude awaking, since her entitlement delusions had her convinced that she was going to be handed absolutely everything including a house and enough money to live happily ever after.

Here's another one about a grown child refusing to leave the homestead: friend of mine has three siblings, two of whom are always down-on-their-luck for one excuse or another. One of these sibs and spouse decide to remain in the family home after mom dies, defying the will that dictates that all assets shall be split equally. Fast forward a few years, and sib leaves a cigarette lit, accidentally burning the house down. Property is gone, insurance kicks in, and the stipulations of the will are finally enforced. Karma can be a mo-fo.

[Stockmom]

Approximately 13 years ago, my husband's paternal grandfather dies. My future husband moves into his home and takes on the daunting process of clearing out all his belongings. Grandfather left his home and property to his two kids, my husband's dad and aunt. My husband's dad eventually decides he and his wife need to move into the house as they have both lost their jobs on the opposite coast and feel like their job prospects may be better here.  Future husband moves out, they move in.

Apparently the Grandfather actually wanted the property to go to the 4 grandsons but the will was never updated. So, Father-in-law buys out his sister and her two sons, and the property now belongs to him and his two sons. Father-in-law then decides that it will be most lucrative to divide the property into 4 separate parcels and sell/build an investment property on the other 3 parcels, while he and his wife live in the home. In order to do this he needed money and my now husband, his brother, and my sign-off. Unfortunately, we were young and stupid and believed him when he told us we were just signing to get the lot lines redrawn. We were actually signing onto a loan to the tune of $149k to pay for all the fees associated with dividing up the lot. We found out about the loan while trying to refinance our home. We are essentially cosigners on this loan. What's even worse is that we have never seen the receipts for the actual cost of redrawing the lot lines and we now also know that they brought personal debt into this loan to the tune of 30k-50k. We have never been able to get our hands on that documentation either.

Just after the lot was subdivided the stock market crashed and the ability to sell those lots has been pretty much nonexistent. Husband's father and wife ONLY PAY THE INTEREST on this loan and have been for the past 10 years.

Some solutions my husband and I have offered are to 1) sell the lots and put the proceeds toward the loan, 2) we pay off the loan and they sign over all lots but the house to us, 3) have us all start paying down the loan based on our percentage of ownership, etc. There is no solution they're okay with. I should also mention that they carried over about 250k to the house they live in, which was paid off when they inherited it. Father-in-law is in his seventies, still working, and making zero progress on this loan. In the meantime they have bought a share in a condo in Hawaii and travel there twice a year.

I am so frustrated with this situation as it feels like there is no solution. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd be happy to hear them.

[Lookilu]

My Dad died very suddenly 30 years ago. My older sister and her husband lived nearby and drove Mom around to the mortuary and cemetery to make the arrangements while I stayed home to field the phone. (I was 20 and in college.)
When they returned home, sister and BIL caught me alone and asked, "Does Mom have any money?"
I knew my parents frugal ways as well as I knew their spendthrift ways so I answered evasively, "I don't know. Why?"
"Well, you know, Mom's so upset that we've paid for everything today but we don't know if Mom has any money to pay us back."
"I don't know. You'll have to ask her."

Once they left, I told Mom about the exchange. She silently got up and brought back her checkbook, where she--as always--had meticulously recorded every expense that she had paid that day.
I have no idea what they thought they might get or why.

They moved out of state several years later and didn't bother to visit Mom for 16 years. When she finally did visit, my sister took the opportunity to ask my Mom who was going to get the house. Mom told her that she was leaving it to me since I was the only one who had been there for her. Sister stormed out of the house and didn't return, not even for Mom's funeral last year.

Mom left her and my brother $25K each. She told me many times, "They don't deserve anything, but if I don't give them something they'll never leave you alone."

Right after the cashier's check cleared, BIL posted a picture of his shiny new pickup on his Facebook page.

She knew them very well indeed.

[MgoSam]

Mom left her and my brother $25K each. She told me many times, "They don't deserve anything, but if I don't give them something they'll never leave you alone."

I'm sorry for your loss, your mother sounds like an amazing person. She also sounds wise, had she cut your sister out, it's possible she could have contested the will and caused mischief.