Wow, an active thread that goes on for 3 years... I'm only on page 12. Leave it to MMM to start this!
I have a story to share about my dad's estate. It's too long, but I don't know what to delete. Dad died suddenly in 2015 at the age of 70, conveniently while I was on a business trip and while my sister (only sibling) still was ensconced in his house - thanks dad!!! Mom and dad were divorced for many years, and thankfully had moved past the spitting venom phase into over a decade of being friends and sometime companions, but with separate lives otherwise (go parents!! :).
For a bit of background, I should tell you that I live out of state and have a normal, boring life of employment, hobbies, DH, etc. At the time, my sister, affectionately known by my best, childhood friend, as "cray-cray", as in crazy, lived with a boyfriend near my dad's house, never held a job if even worked at all. She had recently been kicked out of my grandma's house, after residing there for 2 years, rent free. It was being sold, and her many possessions ended up in dad's basement, among his own, many more, possessions. [Her exploits at grandma's include such activities as burning candles in all the curtained windows to save on electricity, hanging colorful thongs on the clothesline for all to see, and mowing the lawn only occasionally. And not leaving until she was basically booted out the door by mom and aunt.]
OK, back to dad. I was the Personal Representative (executor). After he died, the immediate family were in his house, trying to find the will with his final instructions. He had a folder labeled "Wills", but it was all the old ones with his edits in red. Sister tells me this (suspiciously) detailed story about how he "tested" her to make sure she knew where all his important papers were, including the will. Hmm. So, there was this bright pink/orange folder that was on the kitchen counter at one point, but now it was gone, and sister said she didn't know what I was talking about. I asked sister about the safety deposit box - she's a signatory on it - and she told me she'd already checked and it was quote "basically empty" (red flag - if it was empty, wouldn't you say so? and if there was something in it, then what?...Dad's wedding ring was never found...who knows??).
I throw up my hands in irritation (so DH tells me, I don't remember because I was freaking out) and say that we're not going to be able to do anything without the Will. DH, mom and I go back to grandma's where we're staying (vacant house, air mattresses...it's about to go on the market for sale). Next, sister shows up at grandma's on that dark and rainy night (truly) and says 'here, I found this', while shoving a fat bright colored folder through the door, and then she leaves. Lo' and behold. Dad's will, all his instructions, forms/info he'd carefully prepared so I'd know what to do (love to dad!!!). The will says everything split 50/50 between my sister and I, executor gets the final say if there's a dispute. Easy-peasy right??? um, no.
OK, to create the estate, I had to go to the county police to get the police report for when he was found deceased in his home to show as proof of death (the Death Certificate was going to take weeks due to an autopsy). Anyway, unpleasant topic, I know. So, I go to the county station, and they think I'm nobody. As in when my sister gave her statement to the police, she neglected to share other next of kin, like his OTHER daughter = ME. DH was there - I've blacked this out I think - and apparently I went into orbit on the poor clerk so they would get a supervisor. Left with certificate and trot over to Register of Wills, which were the best people ever. Amazing.
This could go on for a book, here are some highlights:
- Sister's behavior was so bizarre that I started taking detailed notes of all actions/conversations and took photos of rooms, etc., due to the advice of an attorney friend-of-a-friend (a saint, as far as I'm concerned).
- I asked my sister if she wanted dad's cherry bedroom set, and she declined. I told her I was going to offer it to our mom, since they bought it together way back when. Sister said, that was fine, if mom paid the fair market value for it...and that she knew said value, because she had found the receipts from when they bought it. [i am without words on this one.]
- I swear sister started marking her territory in that house: bras and dirty undies were left strewn about, she'd show up whenever and without notice... mind you I stayed there w/ or w/o DH to do the house clean out, and I'm sure DH has no interest in her undergarments. She took a spiral notebook that was the very last thing dad took his usual stock ticker notes and comments in...and used it to write a list of the bad things I was doing that she'd ask her lawyer about, such as can I force her out of the house. To me, that little yellow notebook should've been sacred - classic D-A-D with goofy humor, a few of his thoughts during the last few days of his life. No respect.
- Dad's house because a huge point of argument. Sister had about 2 months of time to herself in the house, because I had to go home to my JOB. She had no job. The instructions from me were to go through things and get her stuff moved out. There was too much of her stuff to even get to dad's stuff, and dad was a hoarder in the basement and sections of the house. She decides to go to Indiana, in snow season, to traipse between visiting dad's former work friends (he was retired for years).
- Sister tells DH that she should get the house because we already are "well off". Sister says this while DH is shoveling out the driveway, and she rants idly. Oh, you mean because we WORK?!? Seriously. Nope, not happening unless she gets a job (she'd lose the house - too expensive to own, has a mortgage, too many repairs and mom/dad wouldn't want it to get foreclosed on in 2-3 years because she couldn't get her act together). She doesn't get a job (or get her stuff out).
- Many recommended to change locks to protect the estate...I didn't do it, because it seemed dumb at the time...until a threatening incident late one night with a pizza cutter. Rather than fulfill my fantasy of tackling her (I'm the older sister, and we always think we can take out a younger sister ;-) I told her to leave or the police would be called. After repeating myself a bunch of times, the phone was in my hand. She left. Bottom line, locks changed, and now she's got access only between something like 9-5 and weekends, all with advance notice. She lets me know she's coming and doesn't show or is late. 3rd time this happens, I actually wasn't there, because I left to go to the bank or something, so she had to wait. For hours. I seriously think this is the very first time that boundaries and consequences were imposed on her, with no wheedling out of it. It wasn't pretty.
-Funny thing, the neighbor (also a saint in my book) met my DH and let us borrow his small tractor to drag some old mowers/scrap out of the back yard. Neighbor met me for about 5 seconds, and then I went back to clearing out the house. Apparently he says, 'so that's the other sister." The scrap metal guy took a huge trailer's worth out of there and made a killing, I'm sure - he and he partner made over $1000 on it. A bargain, in my mind - get it off the property!! Sister finally has movers come to get what she wants out of the house - I encourage her to take anything she might want...just to get it out of there.
- The bitter end: dad's house. a) It's cleaned out and set straight to look good for a listing. Sister's stuff is gone. Inside fixed up a bit (paint and cleaning both by me, free of charge of course - it's my dad's home). List at about $500K. Sells and will close within a month - victory! That badboy cost thousands a month to keep, not to mention the perpetual headaches of plumbing leaks and pieces of inner tube/clamp repairs, leaking toilet, dead bat in the basement (ewe), mowing. Sister flips out. It's real now, like with a date on it.
b) Sister hires lawyer to send me a letter to delay the closing. The closing!!!! It's threatening, but no real legal action or authority. Says I've not fulfilled my fiduciary responsibility in that the listing was not accurate (example: she felt a 2 car garage was really a 4 car garage... um, maybe if you have SmartCars??), and I had wasted money re-graveling the driveway as an improvement. [Repairs are OK for the estate to preserve the value; improvements are not.] The driveway was re-graveled because it was impassable after the mud/ruts froze from the ambulance and emergency vehicles who came when my dad was found in his home (deceased). Anyway, I call back the lawyer-saint from earlier and he says, 'enh, just do the final clean out and closing; ignore her'. Friday, cleanout begins and sister spends the day moping about the house - that's fine, she's free to mope, I get it, it sucks.
c) The climax of the cleanout happened on Saturday. DH and I are about half-dead. We've been working on this non-stop, and we leave Sunday afternoon to go back to work Monday - this HAS to be done. So, Saturday, a group of guys shows up to load up supposed "antiques" (more crap - estate nets <$500 for a truckload, but at least it's gone) for auction. DH has the gift of gab, and shows these guys the brilliance of us renting a UHaul and them coming back to load up moldy paper and collapsing bookshelves to burn at the family farm (I kid you not, this is the country :) . I happily write them a check, with receipt of course for the estate. UHaul rapidly fills with boxes of moldy books from the basement, furniture... Flat-pack saves space, so one guy has the neighbor's tractor and is about to flatten (i.e.crush) a stack of bookshelves with the tractor forks. Sister (classically late) shows up at that moment and sees the activity. Guy looks askance at DH, who gives the signal to drop the forks. Guy drops forks. Shelves are now flat and ready to load in the truck. Sister peels out in a spew of fresh gravel. We don't see her the rest of the weekend, which was a blessing.
Everything was about "the value" of dad's stuff. I'm pretty sure the 4, identical silver or black single bulb walmart lamps dad had were of negligible value. Let me tell you people - most of our stuff has NO VALUE. It costs time and money to get rid of it!!!! Numerous special request trash pickups, getting rid of dozens of old tires, the scrap guy, trips to goodwill (they don't even want dad's things - moldy spots from when he decided not to run the A/C for a summer), trips to the dump...and a very overfilled dumpster. In hindsight, I guess if I never worked, had received constant support from my dad in various ways, and then the source of support dies, I might suddenly become extremely interested in squeezing every penny out of his stuff, too.
--> Fast forward to years later. The estate was closed - sister had received nearly $500K. Guess she was digging through the paperwork I'd sent her for the estate, and she decided to question my accounting and tax reporting. Nice. Sure, let's call the IRS and get the estate audited for God-knows-what. Dad is dead. I really just didn't want to deal with her anymore, ever. Because I felt sister was just doofus enough to bother the IRS with this, decided to try a diversionary tactic. I tell her to leave it alone, and if she wants to worry about something, she should worry about what mom changed in HER will. [sister hadn't spoken to mom for at least 2 years.]
hahahahaha - Sister miraculously resumed contact with mom. Now she is ensconced in mom's house for probably 12 months out of the last 18, off and on, supposedly looking for work. She's had work now for 6 weeks now. Mom's will is safely in the safety deposit box, which my name is on. It's 50/50 with a few tweaks to try to ensure my sister isn't homeless in her old age. Sad. Get a good lawyer to do your will. I told my mom, that, if she has ANY love for me, please do not die while sister is in her house. Mom laughed. ;-)