My father died recently and I just got a letter from the lawyer with a copy of his will.
Now let me just say up front that he was a narcissistic asshole, and I didn't want a penny from his estate. I would have either donated it or set it aside for my baby niece, who will never know him and for whom it wouldn't have been...tainted...money. Turns out I didn't get anything, and I'm relieved by that; I'd rather have no further part in this. (I don't think the way he distributed his estate to others is particularly fair or kind, but it is officially Not My Problem and I'm not going to worry about it. Fortunately I'm not the executor.)
He wasn't physically abusive, but my reaction to hearing about his death was an overwhelming "well, good riddance." I'm not sad, just a little wistful for what might have been, if he'd chosen to be a better person.
I keep remembering this quote from one of my favourite writers, Lois McMaster Bujold..."When I go down into the ground at last, as God is my judge, I pray my best-beloved may have better to say of me than 'He didn't hit me.'"
I hope that for myself, too.
...
This is all more sad than drama-ridden, but who knows, drama could be forthcoming? He won't have left a huge estate by Mustachian standards, but I suppose there is no amount too small to fight over, hah. (I think a handful of people are getting $10-30K each.)
Even if you didn't want the money man that is harsh not giving any money to your own child.
No inheritance stories that affect me personally, (well I did inherit an afghan from my grandmother when she died; she had crocheted a closet full of beautiful blankets. And after she died my Dad let each grandkid pick one out).
But from my extended family on my Mom's side there is a doozy. My grandfather died, and my grandmother was living in the family home alone, and it ended up my no-good uncle moved in. He was a - colorful- character, his nickname was crazy uncle (name). He was in the merchant marines, traveled extensively, got in a disproportionate amount of brawls, bar fights and unlikely situations, was a big drinker (alcoholic). After he moved in my grandmother and him became more and more reclusive, apparently just staying inside drinking and smoking. One time I visited after my grandfather died. Grandpa was someone with a big laugh, appetite, sense of humor and welcoming to everyone. After he died she never seemed the same. When we came by, initially she only opened the door a crack and stared at me. For a moment I thought she wouldn't let me in! After letting us in she was still in her night clothes. While the house and furnishings looked the same as 10, 20 years ago, all the lights were off or dimmed. There was practically no food in the house, while before she would cook huge farmhouse style meals.
A number of years later she ended up in the hospital/nursing home, and was diagnosed with throat cancer from a biopsy. Unfortunately the biopsy made it so she couldn't drink normally so she needed a feeding tube. My uncle went there and terrorized the nurses saying he had power of attorney and had them remove the feeding tube. My uncle and my mother visited, found out what happened, the medical staff said they couldn't do anything. Uncle and mother were in the process of having a lawyer overturn this, when she died about a week after the event, basically from being withheld food/water. As you can imagine it was tremendously distressing to my mom, who was not sure of her mother's actual wishes as she couldn't speak at the time.
When the will was read, it gave everything to the uncle (though there were 3 children), with the only stipulation being that he would pay for the burial/funeral. Even that he refused saying he was just going to cremate her and throw the ashes in the Chicago River (she was Catholic and wanted to be buried in the churchyard in the town where the rest of her family was buried). So my mother and uncle took over the funeral planning. My mother, sister and brother traveled up to Wisconsin for the funeral, and they said it was a good, healing time, talking with her sisters that were still alive, who shared many childhood and other stories of her. But- Uncle crashed the funeral. He showed up uninvited, drunk, making inappropriate remarks. Unfortunately most of the people were elderly folk who were too intimidated to confront him, but my brother steered him a couple times out of venues, usually to a local bar to get him out of the way.
My mother wanted only a few things from the house, including a portrait of my grandmother that my grandfather painted, some photos, and grandmother's costume jewelry. Uncle had similar small requests. He agreed, but then one Monday called them both bragging, ha! I went and had an estate sale yesterday and it's all gone! My mother did end up salvaging some photos as well as the boxes of costume jewelry that he had rummaged through and then thrown into a big pile, breaking
most of it. We never did find out what happened to the portrait of grandmother.
He cleared about 90K, cashed it out and moved up to wisconsin, living in or near an Indian reservation, drinking and gambling the money away. More crazy stories... He ended up going through the money and was living for free in another elderly relative's house, until he was finally kicked out. Lived with the other uncle for awhile, till he burned that bridge as well. Job to job (security guard, etc). I think at this point due to ill health is now on disability. My mother still gets long letters from him, basically asking for help we begged her PLEASE do not give him any money and so far I think she has held the line.
