Author Topic: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.  (Read 820323 times)

GreenEggs

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1450 on: October 25, 2018, 06:20:38 AM »
We've be discussing this stiuation about the grandmother skipping the bankrupt daughter for post after post and we don't even know the amount we're talking about. The OP only said it was "a decent sum of money".  That's not a specific amount.  It could have been $20K or $2M.  It's likely that it wasn't really a large sum anyway, because of the way it was handled. 


Our "collective hourly fees" have likely surpassed the value of granny's estate.  <grin> 

talltexan

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1451 on: October 25, 2018, 08:07:43 AM »
What's significant can totally change situation-by-situation.

My 71-yo mother just informed me that her uncle has modified his will specifically to exclude three biological children and make her a beneficiary. She characterized it as a $90,000 estate, which really won't move the needle for my own parents wrt retirement planning. But there are ample stories on this thread of people behaving ridiculously over smaller sums of money than that.

Prairie Stash

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1452 on: October 25, 2018, 09:15:30 AM »
The USA has a lot of laws that you don't need to be aware of; you just need to treat people honestly.

You will make a TERRIBLE rich person.
Thank you, its a nice compliment to be a terrible rich person in todays world. (it really is a nice thing to say).

I will also not worry about jail time, lawsuits or being reviled by half the world. I don't aspire to be the pussy grabber in chief of the USA, history will not remember me but at least it won't remember a moniker so repulsive. Heck, I even wonder how much richer Trump would be if people trusted him and he was honest? There's a lot of indicators that he would have been even more sucessful if he was a better person, if he was a nice guy I bet he'd get a second term and his kids would be president too. I thik his biggest impediment to the repeat is himself, usually its the policies, which no one seems to even notice in the twitter verse.

I somewhat disagree though, lots of rich people are also nice. The problem is that we don't discuss the good guys, only the bad ones. How did Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Bernard Arnault and Mark Zuckerberg (pulled from wiki) cheat their way to the 2018 top 5 list of Forbes richest? Its probably harder being honest, but it doesn't mean its impossible to do it. Are my examples flawed? Most likely, but I don't keep a list of nice rich people handy. I'll toss Sol on my list of nice rich people though, I'm quite certain I could hand him my wallet full of cash and he would return it a week later, untouched.

Its your country though, all we can do is encourage each other to be what we desire. If the legal courts don't work I encourage the public court to come down on these people. Condoning poor behaviour as an acceptable action because its legal is lending your support to the behaviour. Once society accepts its okay to conspire as long as you come out ahead and we devolve to discussing if its legal, we can all enjoy the race to the bottom.

I still think its conspiracy to commit fraud though. The actions of two children appear to be an attempt to circumvent bankruptcy rules. The court would have to decide if it was premeditated actions (including mother and grandmother) or a gift to get her back on her feet. If there was an agreement in place the difficulty is in proving that she had an "interest" in the money, that there was an agreement. Before a bankruptcy can be discharged all interests must be disclosed, otherwise it can be reopened. Is it worth the effort? Not very likely.  There is a rule about suing people, never sue poor people, even if the bank wins she wouldn't have any assets to settle with so its just an academic question. You can 100% win a court case and still lose on the collections. I'm faced with that prospect right now, I'm owed a very small sum by a broke person, even if I win I won't see any money.

87tweetybirds

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1453 on: October 30, 2018, 06:55:53 AM »
I've got one;
My great-grandfather(GGpa) was a farmer, he owned approximately 160 acres. My grandfather(his son Gpa A) and great uncle (Uncle S) both worked with him for a while, but both had families, and GGpa didn't pay them anything to work with him. Gpa A made barely enough money on the side trapping (this is 1950s, 60s) during the winter to get by, but uncle S and his wife were unhappy with this arrangement (no blaming them there) and much to GGpa's disappointment decided to move 3 hours away and buy their own farm. Gpa A stayed, and as GGPa got older took over the actual running of the farm, and care of GGpa. When GGpa died he left the farm to Gpa A. Gpa A found it to be unjust and offered part of the farm to Uncle S. Unlce S, apparently a pretty good guy, declined saying Gpa A was the one who was farming it, and to split it would make it very difficult for Gpa A to farm it.
Year later, after all but 20 acres was locked into an LLC that was the official farm owned by Gpa A, and his 2 sons, Uncle S died. Land in this area had become quite valuable, and one of Uncle S's son's asked Gpa A for the land he had offered Uncle S years ago. Gpa A told him he couldn't give him what he'd offered uncle S, but if he'd like to build a home on part of the 20 acres (set up to be the inheritance of Gpa A's 5 children) he'd give him 2 acres. Cousin accepted and instead of building on the land like he had led Gpa A to believe promptly sold the land to a gentleman who had been lusting after the property for a while.
Gpa A was very disappointed, property developer was disappointed as he for some reason thought that having 2 acres would give him inroads to owing the rest of the property, and because he didn't want to just build a home on it, the land still sits there, growing weeds while the adjacent acres are farmed.
However, I think in-part because of this story when Gma A died(6 years after Gpa A) there wasn't fighting over possessions, in fact 6 years after Gma A's death the estate is still in process of being divided (no one really wants to sell it to developers, one sibling has a spend thrift spouse with Alzheimers and is hoping to keep the inheritance out of his hands, the other had health issues and assistance would have been withdrawn had they had the $, etc). Fairly recently one of the siblings passed away, and his part of the inheritance will be divided as his will dictates. He had a share in the LLC, and the other 2 partners a few months before had agreed to buy him out in installments, and that agreement still holds with his heirs. And the belongings in the house were divided among the siblings, grandchildren and great grandchildren little at a time. I wasn't able to be there when she passed or come back for the funeral and wasn't able to make it back for a little over 6 months afterwards. My mother (her daughter in law) was still g on trying to get all the children and grandchildren to take what they wanted from the house, to be able to clean it out and prepare it for rental.

Freedomin5

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1454 on: November 08, 2018, 03:30:53 AM »
This one is so anti-dramatic itís kind of funny.

Grandpa passed away recently without a will or named beneficiaries. Grandma died several years ago. Both sons (my dad and uncle) passed away a few years ago. So that leaves the grandkids to claim the inheritance. The problem is that all the grandkids are financially quite stable and no one wants to submit the loads of paperwork required to claim approx. $8000. In fact, by the time expenses are deducted there may not be that much money left. An email just went around to the grandkids, and each and every grand kid wasnít like, ďNo thanks, but if you want to do the work, you deserve the money. Iím giving up my claim to the money.Ē

So the government is probably going to end up getting an $8000 donation to their coffers.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1455 on: November 08, 2018, 07:01:14 AM »
This one is so anti-dramatic itís kind of funny.

Grandpa passed away recently without a will or named beneficiaries. Grandma died several years ago. Both sons (my dad and uncle) passed away a few years ago. So that leaves the grandkids to claim the inheritance. The problem is that all the grandkids are financially quite stable and no one wants to submit the loads of paperwork required to claim approx. $8000. In fact, by the time expenses are deducted there may not be that much money left. An email just went around to the grandkids, and each and every grand kid wasnít like, ďNo thanks, but if you want to do the work, you deserve the money. Iím giving up my claim to the money.Ē

So the government is probably going to end up getting an $8000 donation to their coffers.
Totally worth it, IMO. Yay for family harmony.

GreenEggs

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1456 on: November 08, 2018, 07:06:39 AM »
This one is so anti-dramatic itís kind of funny.

Grandpa passed away recently without a will or named beneficiaries. Grandma died several years ago. Both sons (my dad and uncle) passed away a few years ago. So that leaves the grandkids to claim the inheritance. The problem is that all the grandkids are financially quite stable and no one wants to submit the loads of paperwork required to claim approx. $8000. In fact, by the time expenses are deducted there may not be that much money left. An email just went around to the grandkids, and each and every grand kid wasnít like, ďNo thanks, but if you want to do the work, you deserve the money. Iím giving up my claim to the money.Ē

So the government is probably going to end up getting an $8000 donation to their coffers.




But they could buy $8000 worth of lottery tickets and win the Megga Million!  :)

radram

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1457 on: November 08, 2018, 07:12:01 AM »
This one is so anti-dramatic itís kind of funny.

Grandpa passed away recently without a will or named beneficiaries. Grandma died several years ago. Both sons (my dad and uncle) passed away a few years ago. So that leaves the grandkids to claim the inheritance. The problem is that all the grandkids are financially quite stable and no one wants to submit the loads of paperwork required to claim approx. $8000. In fact, by the time expenses are deducted there may not be that much money left. An email just went around to the grandkids, and each and every grand kid wasnít like, ďNo thanks, but if you want to do the work, you deserve the money. Iím giving up my claim to the money.Ē

So the government is probably going to end up getting an $8000 donation to their coffers.
Totally worth it, IMO. Yay for family harmony.

Great story, but please reconsider. Instead, choose a non-profit your grandpa would have respected and transfer it to them.

Think of it this way. How many hours did your grandpa work to get that money? Isn't it worth a few more hours to turn that hard work into something your grandfather would have found to be worth his time?

Buy some playground equipment and install it in a nearby park. Every time you walk by, you will have great memories of your grandfather. Just 1 idea.

Goldielocks

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1458 on: November 08, 2018, 10:26:00 AM »
Ooh, I have one.  I was contacted by an acquaintance that heard I was good at finding people (through Ancestry website, and on line searches).

It appears that the government contacted her when her cousin died without a will.  They assigned a government person to clear the estate / debts, final tax return and pay funeral expenses. They want her to locate the heirs / relatives to help with dispersal of the estate.

The problem is that there is one younger brother, who moved to the US from Canada around the age of 22 when their dad died in 1977.   The mom also passed in 2003.  The brother had not been heard from by any other family since he moved to the USA.

Given a not-too common name for someone we estimated as age 65, I think I found him.   AND, I found evidence that the mom was one of 21 brothers and sisters.  OMG.  There are likely over 50 first cousins out there... just on the maternal side, plus more on the paternal side (I could only find evidence of the father, who I think was born in another country, but nothing on the father's family).   

The estate has about $30k in it, she thinks, maybe more.

My friend is trying to get ahold of the person I found, although any listed numbers are now old and out of service.  She has no intention of doing anything more than trying to find the brother to let him know his sister died and how to claim any funds.  I suggested the next step was to send a letter to each of the last 3 known addresses, and be done with it.  (It may not be him after all).


If she can't find the brother, she will just let the remaining $30k+ go to the government.

partgypsy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1459 on: November 08, 2018, 02:08:27 PM »
My grandfather's brother moved to California and worked for Ames Aeronautical Laboratory in the early 50's. He died relatively young (age 51) (long story), but my Mom did know he had a wife and at least one child. Anyways my alcoholic uncle who has the same first and last name Grandfather, happen to mention to my mom (his sister) about a decade ago, that he got a call from someone in California who was a relative and was trying to track down his (great uncle's) relatives. My mother was excited to hear from that side of the family and asked the outcome, and uncle said, I just hung up, I assumed it was a scam. I guess we will never know what that was about. It would be nice to fantasize it was about some long lost inheritance.   Ooh I figured out the timing. found obituary of my great uncle's wife, who died in 2010. The phone call was probably when she died, and perhaps her daughters were trying to get ahold of my grandfather...
« Last Edit: November 08, 2018, 02:22:31 PM by partgypsy »

charis

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1460 on: November 08, 2018, 02:55:22 PM »
Ooh, I have one.  I was contacted by an acquaintance that heard I was good at finding people (through Ancestry website, and on line searches).

It appears that the government contacted her when her cousin died without a will.  They assigned a government person to clear the estate / debts, final tax return and pay funeral expenses. They want her to locate the heirs / relatives to help with dispersal of the estate.

The problem is that there is one younger brother, who moved to the US from Canada around the age of 22 when their dad died in 1977.   The mom also passed in 2003.  The brother had not been heard from by any other family since he moved to the USA.

Given a not-too common name for someone we estimated as age 65, I think I found him.   AND, I found evidence that the mom was one of 21 brothers and sisters.  OMG.  There are likely over 50 first cousins out there... just on the maternal side, plus more on the paternal side (I could only find evidence of the father, who I think was born in another country, but nothing on the father's family).   

The estate has about $30k in it, she thinks, maybe more.

My friend is trying to get ahold of the person I found, although any listed numbers are now old and out of service.  She has no intention of doing anything more than trying to find the brother to let him know his sister died and how to claim any funds.  I suggested the next step was to send a letter to each of the last 3 known addresses, and be done with it.  (It may not be him after all).


If she can't find the brother, she will just let the remaining $30k+ go to the government.

Can she do that?  If the brother cannot be found, why is she entitled to decline the money on behalf other heirs?

Goldielocks

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1461 on: November 08, 2018, 03:23:54 PM »
That's how the inheritance rules work when there is no will-- they go to progeny, then to parents, then to siblings.

Cousins don't need to be tracked down,  although if they come forward they could legitimately inherit...in the absence of any others with a larger claim...  oh, and she is not the executrix, rather a cousin that was asked by the government-appointed executor to help track down relatives..

Freedomin5

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1462 on: November 09, 2018, 01:50:57 AM »
This one is so anti-dramatic itís kind of funny.

Grandpa passed away recently without a will or named beneficiaries. Grandma died several years ago. Both sons (my dad and uncle) passed away a few years ago. So that leaves the grandkids to claim the inheritance. The problem is that all the grandkids are financially quite stable and no one wants to submit the loads of paperwork required to claim approx. $8000. In fact, by the time expenses are deducted there may not be that much money left. An email just went around to the grandkids, and each and every grand kid wasnít like, ďNo thanks, but if you want to do the work, you deserve the money. Iím giving up my claim to the money.Ē

So the government is probably going to end up getting an $8000 donation to their coffers.
Totally worth it, IMO. Yay for family harmony.

Great story, but please reconsider. Instead, choose a non-profit your grandpa would have respected and transfer it to them.

Think of it this way. How many hours did your grandpa work to get that money? Isn't it worth a few more hours to turn that hard work into something your grandfather would have found to be worth his time?

Buy some playground equipment and install it in a nearby park. Every time you walk by, you will have great memories of your grandfather. Just 1 idea.

Several thousand in other bank accounts that were accessible have already been donated. These were two remaining accounts. To do the work to access the money would likely cost over $10K -- this money is located in two small accounts on the other side of the world, and the paperwork would span four countries and involve lawyers and consulates and 15-hour flights. It's a lot more than a "few more hours" of work.

Not Sure

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1463 on: December 09, 2018, 09:17:14 AM »
I thought it appropriate to add some levity to this thread.

Mom inherited a sugar cookie recipe with instructions that it was to STAY IN THE FAMILY.  This became problematic when a dear friend and fellow cook, Julia, requested the recipe.  Mom told the story and refused to share the recipe.

Turnabout is fair play and Julia had a recipe for mustard that was the envy of everyone.  Julia succumbed to cancer and never did get around to sharing that mustard recipe with Mom.

I suspect that some feelings were genuinely hurt by this which is too bad because it is otherwise a great story!

PS.  Julia was a professional cook and may not have been at liberty to share the mustard recipe anyway.  RIP, Julia!

RetiredAt63

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1464 on: December 09, 2018, 09:57:11 AM »
I thought it appropriate to add some levity to this thread.

Mom inherited a sugar cookie recipe with instructions that it was to STAY IN THE FAMILY.  This became problematic when a dear friend and fellow cook, Julia, requested the recipe.  Mom told the story and refused to share the recipe.

Turnabout is fair play and Julia had a recipe for mustard that was the envy of everyone.  Julia succumbed to cancer and never did get around to sharing that mustard recipe with Mom.

I suspect that some feelings were genuinely hurt by this which is too bad because it is otherwise a great story!

PS.  Julia was a professional cook and may not have been at liberty to share the mustard recipe anyway.  RIP, Julia!

My sister was really upset when I shared a few family recipes outside the family.  My Mom had never said anything about them being "family-only".  So family-only recipes appear to be a "thing".

former player

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1465 on: December 09, 2018, 10:02:29 AM »
I thought it appropriate to add some levity to this thread.

Mom inherited a sugar cookie recipe with instructions that it was to STAY IN THE FAMILY.  This became problematic when a dear friend and fellow cook, Julia, requested the recipe.  Mom told the story and refused to share the recipe.

Turnabout is fair play and Julia had a recipe for mustard that was the envy of everyone.  Julia succumbed to cancer and never did get around to sharing that mustard recipe with Mom.

I suspect that some feelings were genuinely hurt by this which is too bad because it is otherwise a great story!

PS.  Julia was a professional cook and may not have been at liberty to share the mustard recipe anyway.  RIP, Julia!

My sister was really upset when I shared a few family recipes outside the family.  My Mom had never said anything about them being "family-only".  So family-only recipes appear to be a "thing".
Definitely a "thing".  It took me two decades to get a recipe out of one of my aunts - I still have her hand-written copy.  I later found that the recipe was almost identical to one in a recipe book from 200 years earlier that was rediscovered long after I remember my aunt using the recipe.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1466 on: December 09, 2018, 10:20:29 AM »
Funny how protective people can be about recipes. It seems totally selfish to me. Only "I" can make this perfect [fill in the blank]. In Not Sure's example, both women ended up hurting each other, which I suspect would have mortified both of them. If only they had looked at it from a different perspective. I suspect neither of them thought they were being petty or jealous, but that's all recipe guarding is. What does it cost/hurt anyone to share? Sad.

sol

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1467 on: December 09, 2018, 12:32:11 PM »
If you had a prize-winning recipe in the family in that environment, I could maybe see why you would want to hang on to it.

I can't.  This seems like a net loss for society, like refusing to share your discovery of penicillin or the polio vaccine.  If you have something amazing and it costs you nothing to make the world a better place, why would you bury it?

These days, the internet has successfully killed this sort of behaviour, and good riddance.  The secret recipe for coke and KFC's 11 herbs and spices can be found online.  America's test kitchen publishes the results of twenty different empanada recipes and documents why the differences change the food.  Investors research your company's supply chain.  It's much harder to keep secrets these days.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1468 on: December 09, 2018, 01:24:09 PM »
If you had a prize-winning recipe in the family in that environment, I could maybe see why you would want to hang on to it.

I can't.  This seems like a net loss for society, like refusing to share your discovery of penicillin or the polio vaccine.  If you have something amazing and it costs you nothing to make the world a better place, why would you bury it?

These days, the internet has successfully killed this sort of behaviour, and good riddance.  The secret recipe for coke and KFC's 11 herbs and spices can be found online.  America's test kitchen publishes the results of twenty different empanada recipes and documents why the differences change the food.  Investors research your company's supply chain.  It's much harder to keep secrets these days.

Totally. People ask me for recipes all the time. Especially my pumpkin pie and peanut butter cookie recipes. I'm like, "Take it! Go make ALL the delicious food!" Spread the gospel!"

RetiredAt63

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1469 on: December 09, 2018, 03:15:52 PM »
If you had a prize-winning recipe in the family in that environment, I could maybe see why you would want to hang on to it.

I can't.  This seems like a net loss for society, like refusing to share your discovery of penicillin or the polio vaccine.  If you have something amazing and it costs you nothing to make the world a better place, why would you bury it?

These days, the internet has successfully killed this sort of behaviour, and good riddance.  The secret recipe for coke and KFC's 11 herbs and spices can be found online.  America's test kitchen publishes the results of twenty different empanada recipes and documents why the differences change the food.  Investors research your company's supply chain.  It's much harder to keep secrets these days.

Totally. People ask me for recipes all the time. Especially my pumpkin pie and peanut butter cookie recipes. I'm like, "Take it! Go make ALL the delicious food!" Spread the gospel!"

And if your whole circle has the recipe, then anyone can make it and bring it to a gathering - you are not suddenly making a triple batch because you are the only one who can make it!

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1470 on: December 09, 2018, 03:34:08 PM »
If you had a prize-winning recipe in the family in that environment, I could maybe see why you would want to hang on to it.

I can't.  This seems like a net loss for society, like refusing to share your discovery of penicillin or the polio vaccine.  If you have something amazing and it costs you nothing to make the world a better place, why would you bury it?

These days, the internet has successfully killed this sort of behaviour, and good riddance.  The secret recipe for coke and KFC's 11 herbs and spices can be found online.  America's test kitchen publishes the results of twenty different empanada recipes and documents why the differences change the food.  Investors research your company's supply chain.  It's much harder to keep secrets these days.

That was something that really made me exciting about FOSS (free and open source software). Here were people sharing and working together to give the world some nice tools at no cost. It has leveled the tables so that the people lacking the money to buy fancy software still have free software to use and share. Do good things with it please...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_and_open-source_software

What would be the point of hoarding recipes in a family? Attention? At least share with relatives and friends. Hopefully those who inherit the recipes would share more feely.

sol

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1471 on: December 09, 2018, 04:56:00 PM »
What would be the point of hoarding recipes in a family? Attention? At least share with relatives and friends. Hopefully those who inherit the recipes would share more feely.

As a (now retired) scientist, the whole idea of putting in thousands of hours to develop some great new thing and then NOT TELLING ANYONE HOW TO DO IT seems entirely contrary to the spirit in which such efforts are undertaken.  Scientists want recognition for their work, but that recognition comes in the form of other people imitating and reproducing it.  This is how society moves forward.  This is how civilization was built.  If your'e hoarding knowledge for yourself, you're literally evil.  In the sense that you're holding the rest of us back from achieving our rightful destiny.

I should not drink and cook and post all at the same time, but today has been a good day.  To all of you hoarding recipes from your neighbors, considers it a holiday good turn to spread the love.

GreenEggs

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1472 on: December 09, 2018, 05:31:18 PM »
A lost or hoarded recipe isn't the same thing as a scientific discovery.  Recipes are more of an artistic form of expression.  Nobody suffered because Aunt Bea's special bread & butter pickle recipe was buried with her. 


Scientific, technical & medical discoveries are normally protected by patents that ensure the developers, inventors, and investors are well compensated. 


Aunt Bea loved to cook and her recipes made her feel special.  If you're special you can develope your own special recipes, and if you aren't special just go buy a jar of pickles. 



Sugaree

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1473 on: December 09, 2018, 06:31:09 PM »
Quote

What would be the point of hoarding recipes in a family? Attention? At least share with relatives and friends. Hopefully those who inherit the recipes would share more feely.

Nearby high school has a locally-famous hot dog sauce that they sell at school events.  Think what would happen if a Coney-dog and a meatless chili-dog had a lovechild.  It's awesome.  The only way you're supposed to be able to get the recipe is to put in enough hours working the concession stand at various  games.  And (almost) everyone who knows the recipe is super protective of it because if everyone knew how to make them then they likely wouldn't have people stop by football games in Friday night just to pick some up for dinner.  I've often seen them cooked as fundraisers for various causes.  I can kind of see how people would think that keeping that recipe secret is kind of guarding an asset for them. 

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1474 on: December 09, 2018, 10:23:49 PM »
Dunno, in high school I dated a guy whose family had a killer BBQ sauce recipe and everyone was supposedly sworn to secrecy of the highest order. Problem is, they were kinda messy. Every time they made up a batch, they left all the ingredients out on the counter. Duh.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1475 on: December 10, 2018, 07:28:29 AM »
Dunno, in high school I dated a guy whose family had a killer BBQ sauce recipe and everyone was supposedly sworn to secrecy of the highest order. Problem is, they were kinda messy. Every time they made up a batch, they left all the ingredients out on the counter. Duh.

It's not just the ingredients, they are just the starting point.  It's quantities and how they are processed.  Does the pastry recipe say that the water has to be super cold?  My mom put the water for my grandmother's pastry recipe in the freezer when she started her prep.  Cold water from the tap when the house is on a well is a lot colder than tap water when the house is on municipal water.

There was a time when a lot of recipes were a pinch of this and a palmfull of that and a cup of water (which cup did she use, coffee cup, tea cup?) and a chunk of butter the size of a hen's egg (how big an egg?).  So you basically needed to be in the kitchen with the cook to really know the recipe.

iris lily

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1476 on: December 10, 2018, 07:54:00 AM »
I thought it appropriate to add some levity to this thread.

Mom inherited a sugar cookie recipe with instructions that it was to STAY IN THE FAMILY.  This became problematic when a dear friend and fellow cook, Julia, requested the recipe.  Mom told the story and refused to share the recipe.

Turnabout is fair play and Julia had a recipe for mustard that was the envy of everyone.  Julia succumbed to cancer and never did get around to sharing that mustard recipe with Mom.

I suspect that some feelings were genuinely hurt by this which is too bad because it is otherwise a great story!

PS.  Julia was a professional cook and may not have been at liberty to share the mustard recipe anyway.  RIP, Julia!

My sister was really upset when I shared a few family recipes outside the family.  My Mom had never said anything about them being "family-only".  So family-only recipes appear to be a "thing".
Definitely a "thing".  It took me two decades to get a recipe out of one of my aunts - I still have her hand-written copy.  I later found that the recipe was almost identical to one in a recipe book from 200 years earlier that was rediscovered long after I remember my aunt using the recipe.

Exactly. Secret recipes arenít really secret. And they arent protected by copyright, either, if someone thinks thay can be.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1477 on: December 10, 2018, 09:53:04 AM »
My mom said she has a goal to get a binder detailing everything she wants set up for when she dies. Detailing who gets what, who to call for accounts, etc. I am glad she is ready to be so prepared as she is still not very old at 62.
This is in contrast to my FIL who at the same age has no will even though when his wife, MIL, passed, it was very messy and ended up costing money, and his mother still doesnt have a will or prepared document in her 90s, with a house in SF.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1478 on: December 10, 2018, 10:26:35 AM »
What would be the point of hoarding recipes in a family? Attention? At least share with relatives and friends. Hopefully those who inherit the recipes would share more feely.

This reminds me of the Great Recipe Brouhaha that arose in my family several years ago.   A relative (lets call her Sue) compiled a cookbook of family recipes to give to her daughters when they got married.  Sue offered to send copies of this cookbook to myself and several other relatives which she did.  One day a very securely wrapped package containing the cookbook arrived.  I was happy and wrote to Sue thanking her, she included her own that she made at family gatherings over the years that we raved over.   She gave that information freely.

A few days later, another relative who also received the cookbook contacted me.   Apparently she and one other relative were upset that Sue's cookbook contained recipes from other members of the family that they felt was not supposed to be shared between the entire family.   They were secret!   Sue was taking credit for the recipes!  Now Sue didn't take any "credit" it was just a compilation of family recipes, which besides her own, included other family recipes from other relatives including my mom and grandmother, great grandmother, etc.   No big deal to me but it was darn silly to see all the hoopla over recipes and being shared among family at that.   Good grief.

As far as my own recipes, if someone asks, I give it to them.   Even my peppermint fudge recipe that I make during the holidays and is more curiously strong than Altoids.   I don't understand recipe "secrets".   If someone wants to make it, fine.   Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2018, 10:34:03 AM by saguaro »

Finallyunderstand

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1479 on: December 10, 2018, 10:40:44 AM »
My mom always made the best chocolate chip cookies when I was younger.  She had a "secret" that wasn't a big secret but I still use it today.

The recipe itself is literally on the back of almost every bag of Nestle semi-sweet chocolate chip bags at any grocery store but her secret was adding one bag of instant vanilla pudding to the mix.  Not actual pudding, just the powder.  For some reason it makes them amazing.  Who knows if this is a secret from our family or well known but everyone should try it.  Also you take the cookies out about 1 minute too early for the perfect consistency after they cool.  My wife says its the best chocolate chip cookie she ever had/has.

Secret is out now!  Go forth and make cookies. 

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1480 on: December 10, 2018, 10:52:06 AM »
My mom always made the best chocolate chip cookies when I was younger.  She had a "secret" that wasn't a big secret but I still use it today.

The recipe itself is literally on the back of almost every bag of Nestle semi-sweet chocolate chip bags at any grocery store but her secret was adding one bag of instant vanilla pudding to the mix.  Not actual pudding, just the powder.  For some reason it makes them amazing.  Who knows if this is a secret from our family or well known but everyone should try it.  Also you take the cookies out about 1 minute too early for the perfect consistency after they cool.  My wife says its the best chocolate chip cookie she ever had/has.

Secret is out now!  Go forth and make cookies.
Lol, I have all the ingredients in the pantry, including the pudding mix. Fun! Thank you, @Finallyunderstand!

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1481 on: December 10, 2018, 11:00:09 AM »
Dunno, in high school I dated a guy whose family had a killer BBQ sauce recipe and everyone was supposedly sworn to secrecy of the highest order. Problem is, they were kinda messy. Every time they made up a batch, they left all the ingredients out on the counter. Duh.

It's not just the ingredients, they are just the starting point.  It's quantities and how they are processed.  Does the pastry recipe say that the water has to be super cold?  My mom put the water for my grandmother's pastry recipe in the freezer when she started her prep.  Cold water from the tap when the house is on a well is a lot colder than tap water when the house is on municipal water.

There was a time when a lot of recipes were a pinch of this and a palmfull of that and a cup of water (which cup did she use, coffee cup, tea cup?) and a chunk of butter the size of a hen's egg (how big an egg?).  So you basically needed to be in the kitchen with the cook to really know the recipe.
@RetiredAt63, I totally agree with you, especially for baked goods. But this was barbeque sauce, with about five ingredients. Not hard to figure out. For example, there was one lemon left out on the counter, but only one half was squeezed out thoroughly, the other was untouched. In the case of a simple sauce, a little deductive reasoning went a long way.

BTW, I watched a random YouTube video recently, part of a series where the grandson films grandma making her famous recipes. She was making a pie from scratch, and definitely stressed that the water must be ice cold. She also made it look easy, without using fancy equipment. Used a ton of sugar, though. Blech. Otherwise, surprisingly entertaining to watch.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1482 on: December 10, 2018, 11:28:13 AM »
LOL, all this talk about pie crust.   I made one last week, for a quiche.   From memory.   In a very fast slapdash sort of way, for a single crust.

I can confirm that using room temperature fats and a bit too much room temperature (or warmish?) water is NOT the way to go.   

 The good thing is that it was for a quiche so did not really matter, as long as it releases from the pan.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1483 on: December 10, 2018, 11:36:20 AM »
Pie crust is a fun topic for this thread   ;-).  I haven't made it since I went gluten free, but my grandmother's recipe was fail-proof - as long as you did it right.

Barbecue sauce would be an easy one to at lest partly figure out.  Some recipes are more forgiving than others.

saguaro

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1484 on: December 10, 2018, 11:42:51 AM »
Pie crust is a fun topic for this thread   ;-).  I haven't made it since I went gluten free, but my grandmother's recipe was fail-proof - as long as you did it right.

Barbecue sauce would be an easy one to at lest partly figure out.  Some recipes are more forgiving than others.

My paternal grandmother made awesome pie crust.   But you had to do it right and using cold water was critical.

Years ago, we were at a restaurant in Arizona that served up an awesome prickly pear barbeque sauce.   Asked for the recipe for which our waiter asked the chef, came back to our table and simply  rattled off the 5 ingredients that I scribbled on a napkin.  That was all I needed.  I had to figure out the ratio of ketchup to soy sauce, but based on a basic barbeque recipe, I figured I came pretty close.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2018, 12:26:55 PM by saguaro »

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1485 on: December 10, 2018, 01:41:08 PM »
My mom always made the best chocolate chip cookies when I was younger.  She had a "secret" that wasn't a big secret but I still use it today.

The recipe itself is literally on the back of almost every bag of Nestle semi-sweet chocolate chip bags at any grocery store but her secret was adding one bag of instant vanilla pudding to the mix.  Not actual pudding, just the powder.  For some reason it makes them amazing.  Who knows if this is a secret from our family or well known but everyone should try it.  Also you take the cookies out about 1 minute too early for the perfect consistency after they cool.  My wife says its the best chocolate chip cookie she ever had/has.

Secret is out now!  Go forth and make cookies.

I was taught to do the same pudding mix trick with cake box mixes. Add one instant pudding packet and an extra egg.

For pie crust, cold is definitely the way to go. Water with ice cubes (but no ice in the dough), flour stored in the fridge and blade/food processor bowl in the fridge for a bit to chill.

RetiredAt63

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1486 on: December 10, 2018, 06:45:03 PM »
For pie crust, cold is definitely the way to go. Water with ice cubes (but no ice in the dough), flour stored in the fridge and blade/food processor bowl in the fridge for a bit to chill.

Same with whipped cream, bowl and beaters need to be in the fridge long enough to be really cold before you start.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1487 on: December 11, 2018, 01:36:25 PM »
On a trip to Sicily I became friendly with a restaurant owner who had been a personal Chef in the USA for a spell.  I asked him for a restaurant recommendation between 2 other places close by in our small village as we had hosted multiple dinners at his establishment.
He said he had never been in any restaurant closer than 20 miles from his place as it is considered bad form to check out the other places...bad blood would be created if the other owner recognized him.
He would drive to Messina if his wife wanted to go out for a change. 

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1488 on: December 12, 2018, 07:58:36 PM »
I thought it appropriate to add some levity to this thread.

Mom inherited a sugar cookie recipe with instructions that it was to STAY IN THE FAMILY.  This became problematic when a dear friend and fellow cook, Julia, requested the recipe.  Mom told the story and refused to share the recipe.

Turnabout is fair play and Julia had a recipe for mustard that was the envy of everyone.  Julia succumbed to cancer and never did get around to sharing that mustard recipe with Mom.

I suspect that some feelings were genuinely hurt by this which is too bad because it is otherwise a great story!

PS.  Julia was a professional cook and may not have been at liberty to share the mustard recipe anyway.  RIP, Julia!

Similar scenario, different ending... My wife's aunt made an amazing apple pie with some kind of special crust. I loved it and I asked my wife if she'd get the recipe. So she asked her aunt... who said she did not give out the recipe. I had never heard of such a thing but my wife said she wasn't that surprised. We never mentioned it again.

Twenty years later, which was about 8 years since we had last seen her aunt, my wife gets a letter in the mail and it was her aunt's recipe. How in the world her aunt remembered my wife asking for the recipe that one time and why she decided to share it two decades later, we have no idea.

Dicey

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1489 on: December 13, 2018, 08:59:54 AM »
She remembered it because it means a lot to her. I hope you thanked her profusely.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2018, 02:55:33 PM by Dicey »

Maenad

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1490 on: December 13, 2018, 11:08:24 AM »
I'm not saying I agree with it.  But in a traditional environment where "a woman's place was in the home" and one of the few public avenues for recognition of (and possible financial reward for) her creativity and ingenuity was through local cooking contests, I can see why some women would want to keep their recipes close to the vest, and encourage their children to do the same. 

Plus, if you couldn't work and needed a man to provide for you, good cooking was a way to make you especially desirable on the marriage market.

So glad we're beyond that. I fervently agree that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and love exchanging good recipes! I'd heard of the trick of using pudding mix in boxed cakes, I'm going to try it with my own chocolate chip cookies (I use Alton Brown's Chewy recipe, we'll see how it works!).

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1491 on: December 13, 2018, 11:40:13 AM »
Cooking is a good skill but any skills for complicated topics would impress me as a dating male. She's good with computers? Or - she's good at gardening? Sewing? Carpentry? Big into bicycling or hiking?

To me this is a thinker who spent the time and made the effort to get good at something.

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1492 on: December 13, 2018, 02:06:40 PM »
Cooking is a good skill but any skills for complicated topics would impress me as a dating male. She's good with computers? Or - she's good at gardening? Sewing? Carpentry? Big into bicycling or hiking?

To me this is a thinker who spent the time and made the effort to get good at something.


That is so true for me, too.

Competence is a really under-rated sexual attractiveness trait.   At least by most people.  I, on the other hand, find a woman becomes really unattractive  to me very quickly if she's not competent at daily living and really good at one or more things.

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1493 on: December 14, 2018, 02:31:40 PM »
Cooking is a good skill but any skills for complicated topics would impress me as a dating male. She's good with computers? Or - she's good at gardening? Sewing? Carpentry? Big into bicycling or hiking?

To me this is a thinker who spent the time and made the effort to get good at something.


That is so true for me, too.

Competence is a really under-rated sexual attractiveness trait.   At least by most people.  I, on the other hand, find a woman becomes really unattractive  to me very quickly if she's not competent at daily living and really good at one or more things.

"Well at least she's pretty" still ain't good enough. ;)

Decades ago when i was single: What? She didn't understand something and read a book to figure it out? Ooooh - wonder if she's dating anyone... ;)

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1494 on: December 26, 2018, 10:42:30 PM »
Cooking is a good skill but any skills for complicated topics would impress me as a dating male. She's good with computers? Or - she's good at gardening? Sewing? Carpentry? Big into bicycling or hiking?

To me this is a thinker who spent the time and made the effort to get good at something.


That is so true for me, too.

Competence is a really under-rated sexual attractiveness trait.   At least by most people.  I, on the other hand, find a woman becomes really unattractive  to me very quickly if she's not competent at daily living and really good at one or more things.

"Well at least she's pretty" still ain't good enough. ;)

Decades ago when i was single: What? She didn't understand something and read a book to figure it out? Ooooh - wonder if she's dating anyone... ;)

That is a dating website I would sign up for...... "Single competent female seeking..." or some such. 

I have a story about inheritance and Certain Precious China:

In about 1997 my parents downsized from their ridiculous McMansion.  They had me and my XH load up all sorts of large items from their house to deliver to my sister because her hubby had a bad back and couldn't help.  Lots of things I grew up with were given to her at this time.  My sister is older than me but because of bad life choices this stuff was really the first non-particle board furniture she ever owned.  She was always broke and stupid and this was a big upgrade.       

At this time Mother also decided to pass along a certain set of china that we had known all our lives.  She decided, however, that it was to be included with a Thomasville golden oak Queen Anne style dining room set including an oversized china cabinet.  And she decided that it was all to go together and it was to be bought, not given.  She also knew that my idiot sister was always broke and always would be and so it was put to me that if I wanted the certain precious china I was to pay for it, and I knew that if I didn't buy it they would end up being given to my sister anyway because, (broke and stupid).  The successful daughter must pay for her inherited items.  I paid $2000 for a set of china that came with a dining room ensuite I did not want. 

It was a gross misstep by my mom.  Simply put, she paid way too much for that Thomasville dining room 8 years earlier and wanted something for it, she was never a garage sale or ad-in-the-paper type person, and this was pre-internet.  The only way in her mind to get money for that set was to charge her successful daughter for it, and the way to make sure the daughter took it was to include this precious china.  She also thought she could head off any bickering between sisters by making one child pay for it and since the broke and stupid daughter could never meet the price and then Mom is off the hook.  Or so she thought.   

My sister was always furious that I got the dishes.  I explained, as did Mother, that I paid for them.  Told her how much.  Didn't matter, she still believes I am the favored daughter and they were free or something.  I don't care what she thinks because, stupid.  Her home is full of things we both grew up with and that were simply given to her because she couldn't furnish her own place.  But that was not good enough.   

I really hated that golden oak dining room set but because we were always frugal and it was functional I kept it until 2007 when I had my sister and her sons come over and remove it from my house.  So she ended up getting the furniture for free anyway and I ended up keeping the dishes.

I have since given the china to my oldest daughter.  I decided I didn't want to wait until I die to give things like this away and I certainly don't want there to be resentment between my 2 girls.  They each chose a china set after my former MIL died, so each daughter received a china set that was one of their grandmother's.   

I think if my mother had it to do over she would not do that horrible thing.  At the time it just didn't seem horrible to her I guess, and I get the idea she regrets it now.  But I never bitched or complained, I just wrote the check.   

SwordGuy

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1495 on: December 27, 2018, 08:07:53 AM »
I have a story about inheritance and Certain Precious China:

Wow.

Your mom's actions would have completely ruined any sentimental value that China had for me.   

At that point, I would only pay money for it if it was going to turn a profit when I resold it.  It would be valueless for me otherwise.  I wouldn't want to eat off it it.


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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1496 on: December 27, 2018, 08:40:49 AM »
I have a story about inheritance and Certain Precious China:

Wow.

Your mom's actions would have completely ruined any sentimental value that China had for me.   

At that point, I would only pay money for it if it was going to turn a profit when I resold it.  It would be valueless for me otherwise.  I wouldn't want to eat off it it.

++

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1497 on: December 27, 2018, 10:34:30 AM »
Yeah, it definitely colored my thoughts around it and it will forever be associated with negative feelings.  Thus it was given to my daughter when I was about 47 instead of way down the road in my life.  Fortunately it is not ruined for my daughter so she will have it and not have any bad attachments to it.  She only hears about how it is dish ware I have known forever and was once Grandma's.

The kicker is that my mom and the rest of us ate off that china at Christmas because it is stored in a box at my house still since my daughter has been in college and now is in a studio apartment.  Daughter wanted to use it for the holiday so out it came.  Made me remember the whole thing again (but never will I mention it).  Hopefully the last of both daughters' things will go to them within the next 2 years or so now that they are out of college and my days of storage unit service will end.       

Just Joe

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1498 on: December 27, 2018, 05:20:03 PM »
Good for you for not letting the past taint your daughter's future.

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Re: Inheritance Drama: You Got Any? Stories Wanted.
« Reply #1499 on: December 31, 2018, 10:35:18 AM »
I don't know if it qualifies as a drama, but a couple I'm very good friends with got an inheritance from a relative who passed away recently.  I don't know how much it was, but when they brought it up and mentioned that they weren't sure how to use it, I offered to show them how to open a retirement account or invest in index funds.  That didn't sound very fun to them, so they ended up using it to go on 2-week European vacation, and have been on a buying binge ever since they got back with what I assume is the leftover cash.  They're big advocates of retail therapy, you see--just a month or two ago (before they received the inheritance) they were upset because they overspent and had to borrow money from one of their parents.  They also hate their jobs.

I wish I could have helped but I know if i pressed the issue beyond just offering to help them invest it they would be very offended (understandably).  The vacation looked like a lot of fun, but still... seems like a squandered windfall, however much the inheritance was.