Author Topic: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig  (Read 9997 times)

Self-employed-swami

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I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« on: August 20, 2014, 06:41:56 PM »
I belong to a forum full of primarily women, and another member was asking for our opinion on her day home pricing.  I suggested to the original poster that if she had a personal savings cushion, she wouldn't always have to be so worried about money.

About 4 other women piped up and told me because I was wealthy, I couldn't possibly understand having to worry about money, and about just how unrealistic it was to have a personal savings cushion, when most people were just struggling to keep up with their bills.

I mentioned that savings was just the difference between what you make, and what you spend, and I was told that I was being judgemental.

I want to hit someone in the face
with a chair

Middlesbrough

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2014, 07:44:25 PM »
Nothing to add, but I did have to look up what day home pricing means. It took me far too long to figure out what you were talking about.

Back to the topic and chair flinging...

usmarine1975

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2014, 08:08:53 PM »
I have met some poor high income people in my day.  Its not what you make but how much you keep.

Annamal

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2014, 08:12:08 PM »
I belong to a forum full of primarily women, and another member was asking for our opinion on her day home pricing.  I suggested to the original poster that if she had a personal savings cushion, she wouldn't always have to be so worried about money.

About 4 other women piped up and told me because I was wealthy, I couldn't possibly understand having to worry about money, and about just how unrealistic it was to have a personal savings cushion, when most people were just struggling to keep up with their bills.

I mentioned that savings was just the difference between what you make, and what you spend, and I was told that I was being judgemental.

I want to hit someone in the face
with a chair




On the one hand obviously I disagree with them about whether a savings cushion is possible and I'm sorry they called you judgemental, on the other what were you trying to acheive with your initial comment?

The forums here are filled with people who encounter friction when having frugality conversations with their closest friends and relatives, I hate to imagine what would happen if they started trying to have those conversations with relative strangers over the internet in a public forum where facepunches aren't expected or welcomed.

senecando

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2014, 08:19:57 PM »
Well, you can afford a marquee tag like it ain't no thang.

sheepstache

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2014, 08:40:55 PM »
That's too bad but thanks for providing us with a laugh.

Comments sections on web pages are obviously a terrible place to offer opinions like that but it's a shame you ran up against the same wall on a forum where you're a regular.   The internet provides anonymity which makes this different from offering advice to a relative, which might be touchy, but in a forum you have a bit of consistency so people can, a little bit, think of you as a person.  I know sometimes on forums if I see a view that's non-intuitive or contrary to what I believe, I consider the source and whether I have any positive associations with this person screen name.  I.e., do they regularly have reasonable or intelligent or insightful things to say.  If so, I may give the present view a little more careful thought than I would have otherwise.

I mean, is your wording here pretty much exactly what you said?  I could see that as being a little bit blunt.  I do think if you're going to bring up someone's finances it's worth investing in a bit of bowing and scraping.  "If you don't mind my mentioning..."  "I know this is a bit personal and none of my business but..."  Etc.  Just because it's harder to perceive tone in writing.  Again, people can get used to one's personal style on a forum, but of course not every single reader will be familiar with you.

dragoncar

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2014, 08:52:39 PM »
fatcat

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2014, 09:21:08 PM »
Nothing to add, but I did have to look up what day home pricing means. It took me far too long to figure out what you were talking about.

Back to the topic and chair flinging...

AAAuuuugghh!!! Don't do that! So, what IS day home pricing?

Self-employed-swami

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2014, 09:37:22 PM »
Day home, meaning a home run daycare centre.

And I said it in as non-face punchy way possible.

"I know this advice might be over-reaching, but I've found that I have been more free in my professional life, to not accept work that was more hassle than it was worth, by having a healthy personal cash savings account.

When you aren't thinking about money as your #1 worry, you can weigh the pros and cons, (I call that the bull sheet quotient) and decide if I want to do a specific job or not. "

Luck12

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2014, 09:38:07 PM »
I don't know, this depends on what their income levels are.  Maybe you do make a lot more money and obviously it's much easier to save if you're making say $100K vs $40K.  OTOH, maybe they just don't know how to save despite a high income. 

sheepstache

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2014, 10:20:26 PM »

And I said it in as non-face punchy way possible.

"I know this advice might be over-reaching, but I've found that I have been more free in my professional life, to not accept work that was more hassle than it was worth, by having a healthy personal cash savings account.

When you aren't thinking about money as your #1 worry, you can weigh the pros and cons, (I call that the bull sheet quotient) and decide if I want to do a specific job or not. "


That does sound polite, though perhaps it came off as a let-them-eat-cake sort of 'Have you just tried having more money?' thing.  Then again maybe there's just no getting around how radically different this approach to money is from the rest of the civilized world.  The idea that a person might have control over how much cash is in their checking account might be beyond them.  The real question is whether you have the same avatar on the other forum because that could color things :)

Self-employed-swami

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2014, 10:35:26 PM »
Haha, no, I have a pair of shoes as my avatar on that site, not the 'smoke and a thigh blaster' pic from Futurama.

Emg03063

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #12 on: August 20, 2014, 11:07:12 PM »
So, does she run a day home and want opinions on what she charges, or does she patronize one, and want opinions on what she's paying?

steveo

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2014, 03:32:47 AM »
My last boss must have been on at least 150k (thats base so package must be like 200k) and his wife was on more money. In our first meeting he told me he was going to go broke soon.

I just nod my head when I hear about these things.

frugalnacho

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2014, 07:46:36 AM »
Meh, H8rs gonna H8. People in real life get annoyed with me when I suggest they might not need _____. Can't imagine the internet response.

We send you warm puppy comfort here in the hairy upper lip forum. And how do you make the little chair move in your post?

just put move and /move in tags like you would for a quote, or bold, or italics, etc.  If you quote someones post you can see the code they used

like this

HoneyBadger

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #15 on: August 21, 2014, 07:57:43 AM »
In response to the OP, I get the same attitude from a friend who's a financial train wreck.  Even though her financial problems are frequently the topic of conversation and she's constantly asking for "advice," what she really wants is sympathy and validation of her poor financial choices.  Because I've become financially independent with a similar income and life situation, I'm sure she perceives me as criticizing her just by existing!

Basenji

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #16 on: August 21, 2014, 08:30:42 AM »
And how do you make the little chair move in your post?

just put move and /move in tags like you would for a quote, or bold, or italics, etc.  If you quote someones post you can see the code they used

like this

When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master (thread derailer).

Self-employed-swami

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #17 on: August 21, 2014, 08:51:33 AM »
So, does she run a day home and want opinions on what she charges, or does she patronize one, and want opinions on what she's paying?

She is running a day home, and wanted advice.

odput

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #18 on: August 21, 2014, 08:52:52 AM »
In response to the OP, I get the same attitude from a friend who's a financial train wreck.  Even though her financial problems are frequently the topic of conversation and she's constantly asking for "advice," what she really wants is sympathy and validation of her poor financial choices.  Because I've become financially independent with a similar income and life situation, I'm sure she perceives me as criticizing her just by existing!

emphasis mine

I think this is true of probably 95% of America (maybe other parts of the world are better at this then us, but I'd guess probably not by much).  It's the reason why you see so damned many of those "news" articles detailing how even high income people aren't getting ahead.  "It's ok that you suck, because look at how much money these people have, and even they suck."  Drives me up the frickin' wall

vivophoenix

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #19 on: August 21, 2014, 09:47:51 AM »
I belong to a forum full of primarily women, and another member was asking for our opinion on her day home pricing.  I suggested to the original poster that if she had a personal savings cushion, she wouldn't always have to be so worried about money.

About 4 other women piped up and told me because I was wealthy, I couldn't possibly understand having to worry about money, and about just how unrealistic it was to have a personal savings cushion, when most people were just struggling to keep up with their bills.

I mentioned that savings was just the difference between what you make, and what you spend, and I was told that I was being judgemental.

I want to hit someone in the face
with a chair

i dont know, if shes asking opinions on how much to charge, what does having a personal savings have to do with demanding fair market value?

Self-employed-swami

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #20 on: August 21, 2014, 10:19:02 AM »
i dont know, if shes asking opinions on how much to charge, what does having a personal savings have to do with demanding fair market value?

It has to do with not being dicked around by a client. 

The whole point I was trying to make, is that working for some people is more trouble than it is worth financially, and when you don't need every penny they might pay you, you are free to make business decisions based on the bullshit factor, over just the money.

Elderwood17

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #21 on: August 21, 2014, 10:26:15 AM »
In response to the OP, I get the same attitude from a friend who's a financial train wreck.  Even though her financial problems are frequently the topic of conversation and she's constantly asking for "advice," what she really wants is sympathy and validation of her poor financial choices.  Because I've become financially independent with a similar income and life situation, I'm sure she perceives me as criticizing her just by existing!
I agree with your assessment but when someone opens the door and asks for "advice" I consider it more compassionate to give a properly humble response than to just give the sympathy and validation!  They don't like it but they need it and if it is done well perhaps some off it will stick.

vivophoenix

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #22 on: August 21, 2014, 11:21:26 AM »
i dont know, if shes asking opinions on how much to charge, what does having a personal savings have to do with demanding fair market value?

It has to do with not being dicked around by a client. 

The whole point I was trying to make, is that working for some people is more trouble than it is worth financially, and when you don't need every penny they might pay you, you are free to make business decisions based on the bullshit factor, over just the money.

if she came to ask advice about her business, your advice was off topic.

it is kinda "hahah, her and her pleb money issues" to talk about personal savings and being picky about the work you take when shes talking about getting whats owed to her fairly. how can she even begin to worry about building a savings cushion if her client wont pay up?

sounds like you were  humblebragging to me.

In response to the OP, I get the same attitude from a friend who's a financial train wreck.  Even though her financial problems are frequently the topic of conversation and she's constantly asking for "advice," what she really wants is sympathy and validation of her poor financial choices.  Because I've become financially independent with a similar income and life situation, I'm sure she perceives me as criticizing her just by existing!

if she was asking for financial advice,  sure. but this doesn't sound like the woman wanted validation for poor decisions. she wanted to paid fairly for services rendered.
« Last Edit: August 21, 2014, 11:24:00 AM by vivophoenix »

Self-employed-swami

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #23 on: August 21, 2014, 11:39:40 AM »
if she came to ask advice about her business, your advice was off topic.

it is kinda "hahah, her and her pleb money issues" to talk about personal savings and being picky about the work you take when shes talking about getting whats owed to her fairly. how can she even begin to worry about building a savings cushion if her client wont pay up?

sounds like you were  humblebragging to me.


if she was asking for financial advice,  sure. but this doesn't sound like the woman wanted validation for poor decisions. she wanted to paid fairly for services rendered.

Her quagmire was that she raised her rates, and one of her clients pushed back, and she caved.  They pay her, but not what she should be charging.  Many people also advised her that she needs to not cave to what people want to pay her, but charge what others are charging. 

So yes, she was asking, in a round-about way, for financial advice, in addition to a whole lot of hand holding.

vivophoenix

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #24 on: August 21, 2014, 11:45:47 AM »
if she came to ask advice about her business, your advice was off topic.

it is kinda "hahah, her and her pleb money issues" to talk about personal savings and being picky about the work you take when shes talking about getting whats owed to her fairly. how can she even begin to worry about building a savings cushion if her client wont pay up?

sounds like you were  humblebragging to me.


if she was asking for financial advice,  sure. but this doesn't sound like the woman wanted validation for poor decisions. she wanted to paid fairly for services rendered.

Her quagmire was that she raised her rates, and one of her clients pushed back, and she caved.  They pay her, but not what she should be charging.  Many people also advised her that she needs to not cave to what people want to pay her, but charge what others are charging. 

So yes, she was asking, in a round-about way, for financial advice, in addition to a whole lot of hand holding.

and your response was basically:
 
"gosh, im so glad i have all this money in my bank account, so i dont have to deal with any old type of  work, like you do. "

which doesnt help her to get her fair market rate. you didnt offer advice about the problem she had.

again, sounds like a humble brag.

vivophoenix

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #25 on: August 21, 2014, 12:03:19 PM »
dude

who called the forum police?


HoneyBadger

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #26 on: August 21, 2014, 12:03:38 PM »
In response to the OP, I get the same attitude from a friend who's a financial train wreck.  Even though her financial problems are frequently the topic of conversation and she's constantly asking for "advice," what she really wants is sympathy and validation of her poor financial choices.  Because I've become financially independent with a similar income and life situation, I'm sure she perceives me as criticizing her just by existing!

if she was asking for financial advice,  sure. but this doesn't sound like the woman wanted validation for poor decisions. she wanted to paid fairly for services rendered.

Agreed - completely different situation.  I was commenting on the "wealthy" as a dig part.  This woman has actually made disparaging remarks about my "investments," although I've never discussed them around her and haven't said anything that implies my net worth.  She just assumes I must be wealthy because I could afford to retire.  I've tried giving her advice, but it's usually dismissed with comments like "I hate to cook" or "I can't afford to have enough withheld to pay my income taxes."  I wonder, sometimes, if she's fishing for a "loan" offer.  I just change the subject now.

iris lily

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #27 on: August 21, 2014, 12:05:43 PM »
I have met some poor high income people in my day.  Its not what you make but how much you keep.

Oh that's funny, I just posted this same thing, word for word, on the thread about "what is rich?" haha. It's one of my core ideas about money.
« Last Edit: August 21, 2014, 12:10:45 PM by iris lily »

sheepstache

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #28 on: August 21, 2014, 12:08:40 PM »
if she came to ask advice about her business, your advice was off topic.

it is kinda "hahah, her and her pleb money issues" to talk about personal savings and being picky about the work you take when shes talking about getting whats owed to her fairly. how can she even begin to worry about building a savings cushion if her client wont pay up?

sounds like you were  humblebragging to me.


if she was asking for financial advice,  sure. but this doesn't sound like the woman wanted validation for poor decisions. she wanted to paid fairly for services rendered.

Her quagmire was that she raised her rates, and one of her clients pushed back, and she caved.  They pay her, but not what she should be charging.  Many people also advised her that she needs to not cave to what people want to pay her, but charge what others are charging. 

So yes, she was asking, in a round-about way, for financial advice, in addition to a whole lot of hand holding.

and your response was basically:
 
"gosh, im so glad i have all this money in my bank account, so i dont have to deal with any old type of  work, like you do. "

which doesnt help her to get her fair market rate. you didnt offer advice about the problem she had.

again, sounds like a humble brag.

No, I can see SWAMI's point.  Perhaps couching it in terms of "your business's cash reserve will give you more leverage" might have made sense.  It's tricky with freelancers to offer business advice without being personal because their personal and business finances are the same.

iris lily

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #29 on: August 21, 2014, 12:09:51 PM »
And how do you make the little chair move in your post?

just put move and /move in tags like you would for a quote, or bold, or italics, etc.  If you quote someones post you can see the code they used

like this

When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master (thread derailer).

No *I* am the thread derailer, I want to use this move thing...

dragoncar

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #30 on: August 21, 2014, 12:18:23 PM »
dude

who called the forum police?

Don't worry, I'm here!


vivophoenix

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #31 on: August 21, 2014, 12:21:26 PM »
dude

who called the forum police?

Don't worry, I'm here!


[/move]


im sorry i couldnt help myself

Self-employed-swami

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #32 on: August 21, 2014, 12:26:24 PM »
I'm self employed too, so that was part of why I offered the advice I did, about not having to take absolutely every client that comes along.

And LOL@ the moving forum police.

Grid

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Re: I was called 'wealthy' today, as a dig
« Reply #33 on: August 21, 2014, 12:47:23 PM »
dude

who called the forum police?

Don't worry, I'm here!

ooooooooo  weeeeeeeee ooooooooo  weeeeeeeee
im sorry i couldnt help myself