FWIW, I'll share a bit of my story. My DH and I are both in our 40s, and while we've made good income, we didn't really have that much to show for it, until I started to take control of things. My DH is kinda-sorta on board, but not really. I knew he would never read MMM, early retirement didn't appeal to him, but having FU money did. So, I focused my conversations on having FU money and being financially secure. Whenever he complains about his job I use it as an opportunity to remind him about the actions we take today will help set the stage for FU money later, and meet our (mostly my) goals. I've really dropped any conversation about ER.
I started my journey by figuring out where the money went - it went to "stuff" - things that I would classify as "miscellaneous". So, I really set out a budget that included the things that were part of our life: dog groomer, haircuts, wood chips in the spring, overseeder and seeds in the Fall, etc. Alot of this I would just cut out, but DH didn't agree. A good example is the amount of money we spend on our lawn - ridiculous! I knew he wouldn't give it up, so I showed him how much we spend on an annual basis and asked if we could skip one of the fertilizing applications - he agreed. I pushed out the dog groomer to be less frequent. I cut my own hair for the most part. Then I focused on things that I didn't need his buy-in for like shopping insurance, meal planning, turning off lights and appliances, and quit buying "stuff". Also, I control all the food purchases and cooking (I make the work lunches). He often suggests going out to "give me a break" - this is something that I have control over, so I assure him that I am fine and would prefer to eat at home (I'm a good and efficient cook!). It's really a long-winded way of saying, start with your own actions.
Now, keep in mind, my journey is going on about 3 years, so none of this happened overnight. However, I have noticed a huge change in my husbands' attitude about money and how it's spent, so the conversations do sink in. He'll never be Mr McFrugal buy he has good DIY skills and likes efficiencies, so I try to exploit those when I can! He's even had a couple of conversations where he has asked, "so when did you say we could retire" - he's starting to dream a bit!
One thing I might suggest is that you take over all food responsibilities. Make sure that he has his 'favorites' in the house so that he doesn't have to stop anywhere for snacks - yes, it would be better that you're not eating chips and crap, but hey, baby steps right? Also, I would suggest trying something different than the CC. It seems that maybe because it's so easy to use a card and you don't really "see the money" coming out. Even using a debit card and check register allows you to keep track of spending on an on-going basis. I use Excel and just post to there from my check register each week. This way I can tell if we already went over or are nearing a budget category. I know, all of this takes additional effort, but if you don't take control, who will?
Oh, and one more thing. You should be setting aside a monthly amount for things that you know will come up through out the year, so you don't have "surprises". For example, we have yearly expenses: auto insur, life insur, car repair, house repair (something's going to break), propane, etc. I figure out what they are on an annual basis then divide by 12 and put that money away into a savings account. This way, my monthly budget doesn't get skewed and I don't have an excuse that says, well that month wasn't normal because we had to buy XXXX, it's already accounted for.
Stay focused, don't give up and quit saying "failure" - set smaller goals if you need to: "I'm only going to spend $100 on wine this month" -- and just do it!! Give yourself some small wins to be proud of. Good luck, I'm rooting for you!!