Joet, if you figure out your wife...let me know how!!!
I think I lay out some nice stuff here, but it's a long post so please stay with me through it...
I have a very similar situation....my wife earns a lot and spends a lot, but certainly earns her keep. She doesn't really see a need to spend less, but will play along to keep me at bay. She has agreed to and is using YNAB, but only to track spending. She has not agreed to curtail spending if she runs out of money in a category yet. She knows this is the end goal for YNAB and has agreed to "try it" in the future. I have done a lot of the same things you are doing with the leading by example thing...it doesn't work overnight!!! Slowly...slowly, she is taking notice, and I see it in small minor ways only.
I am trying to take our expenses (not including rent in LA) from $6.5K a month to $3K. So, more than a 50% drop in spending. In the past, I've tried to do this in a month...to horrible failure. Just like you say, you're trying to do this in 2-3 weeks. This time I am taking the slow, slow, slow approach and am giving us a full calendar year to adjust our spending. This is how it is playing out so far...
Month 1: $6500
Month 2: $6000
Month 3: $5000
Month 4: TBD
So, we are moving in the right direction and it's giving us some time to adjust to it. The hardest work is ahead of us, but it's happening. So far, we've sold the second car ($480 month), gotten our son out of before and after school care for good ($450 month), and cut $600 off the food. Still left to tackle; even more wasteful food spending, buying stupid junk, too many clothes, cell phone service, and then it'll get really tough.
My strategy: I looked at the budget and outlined the easiest stuff...Child care was easiest because it just so happened our son was outgrowing it...just had to have the conversation with the wife and a quick win. Next, was the car (yes, we fought about it, but after about three small "disagreements" and six weeks or so I won that war), then was food, which required me doing all the shopping and cooking, and setting the example with eating out. I still have work to do there. We are adjusting to eating at home more though, but going cold turkey would have been bad I think for my wife.
Now that we've cut the easiest stuff I am moving to the next thing. I am going to put the emphasis on the biggest line item this month to see how much progress we can make. It's wasteful junk spending on who knows what which is somehow at over $1K a month right now. After I get some results here I plan on moving to the next highest line item and repeating this.
Eventually, I'll get to the small stuff like $75 a month for coffee and maybe even one day we can get a women's cut and color for less than $300. :)
It's a process.
We also started three months ago by defining our goals for the money. Which included my dreams of FIRE and her dreams of travel. I laid out the plan to get us both to where we agreed to go and asked for her support and recieved it in spirit, but actions we are working through. One thing has become apparent to me about this...our values are not completely aligned here. This is pretty much the exact problem you have...a values mis-alignment. It's the reason Mr. and Mrs. MMM are in lock step...they have the same values. I hope it's not too late for us to re-align or find the same path again. I have ZERO intention of ever divorcing my wife and wouldn't even consider it over a money issue. But I have to find a way to get our values better aligned.
I value having money in the bank, she places more value on having a car in the driveway.
I value having the financial freedom to chase entrepreneurial success, she values not having to fool with that and just getting paid for mind numbing work.
I value time freedom above nearly any possession, she will give you 40 hours a week for a bigger house and not think twice about it.
Etc. Etc.
I can see the vision for the future and believe it is inevitable just following a couple easy steps (easy if you agree). She can only see the vision as I describe it, but it's foggy in her mind...she's not really sure it can be done (lacks trust or faith perhaps). Just thinks she'll always have to work so why break our neck saving when their will always be an healthy income stream.
I suspect you could tell a very similar story to this. I have a plan to take this one step at a time...starting with re-aligning our values. Not sure how this will work and I may fail a few times, but it has to be done. It's the only way for a lifetime of success. Even if it takes a few years the payoff will be great and long lasting. They were aligned when we got married and then mine changed...hers haven't caught up yet. I have to help here get there with me. I think a big part of it is convincing her...somehow...to take in the same knowledge I take in. Which means reading some of the same stuff, largely, this blog. My plan to accomplish this is to ask her to read one blog post a week with me and then discuss it. If that goes well, I'll try to up the ante to two blog posts a week. Not sure what the reaction to this will be, but the goal is to get us moving in the same direction...moving our values to be closer aligned. Another thing I'll do is use real life examples, showing her what others are doing. I need to make this "dream" of FIRE as real to her as it is to me. I can't tell her...I have to show her. I think the final thing I know I want to try is to really get her perspective about what is important with our financial future and understand that. What is she thinking that I am not understanding and why is she thinking that. How can I work with that to get us on the same page??? So, three actions for me to take.
I think I may have it easier than you...I have a good friend who is married to an international wife from an upper class background...whoa the stories he tells. So, I get the cultural differences you are dealing with (I bet it's a similar, if not the same, country where keeping up with the Jones and saving face is seen as more important than anything else and just ingrained to the culture). I don't envy you for sure.
I want to make one book recommendation too... The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Gottman and Silver). I have been to marriage counseling and while it's OK, this book, IMO, is a whole lot better. It's like counseling, but you don't have a third party there you and the wife just go through it together and do the exercises. The book will also tell you all the reasons MC doesn't work.
Keep us informed on how it's going...