Author Topic: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding  (Read 13325 times)

MrRealEstate

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #50 on: September 25, 2016, 11:45:21 PM »
Our wedding is coming up in June. My mom asked me what we want to register for... "Shares of VFIAX."

MrsPete

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #51 on: September 28, 2016, 04:46:22 PM »
I think the pressure comes not from that but more from having spend a lot of time idealizing their wedding. Several friends have dreamed of their wedding since they were kids. This stays with you, and what's worse is that it's done at a time when few have any concept as to how much these things cost.
I do agree that "a lot of time" has led to bigger weddings.  Not too many decades ago living together wasn't acceptable, premarital sex wasn't nearly as wide-spread as it is today, having a child out of wedlock simply wasn't done ... and people weren't willing to wait 2, 3, 4 years to get married!  They wanted to get on with life NOW!  One result was that most people had smaller, more simple weddings -- with a lower cost.

So, my Catholic High School senior project was to create my dream wedding binder.  Many of my schoolmates had already been working on theirs for quite some time, they were thrilled at the project and the opportunity to devote more time to it.
Wow, was this project assigned to you, or did you choose it? 
Did the guys do the same project? 

Darryl Musashi

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #52 on: September 28, 2016, 05:12:00 PM »
I skimmed her blog and awww, she is just young. She doesnt have much to say,  but she puts up pretty  images.

Yeah, this is exactly it. We were all her age once, and she reminds me for all the world of my blog-constantly-about-nothing ex-girlfriend from those days.

She'll grow up. I just hope for her sake she does it without blowing a bunch of money on a wedding first.
 

BTDretire

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #53 on: September 28, 2016, 06:51:22 PM »
I did ask my fiancÚ if we could just elope or quietly sign papers at the registry office *then* tell our families, but he said that was underhanded.  *sigh*.  Oh well.

I told my daughter when she was 15 or 16 yrs that when she decides to get married just elope and I'll give $15k or $20k as a house down payment.
 When she was 19 her boyfriend ask me for her hand, I said NO, she's in college let her finsh first. He was in the service and going over seas for a year. I guess they thought it was important that they be married before he left. They got married and didn't tell us. It wasn't until I got a letter from the IRS about someone else deducting her that I figured it out. So he was on the other side of the world, keeping her up Skyping and she didn't do as well at college she could have still above 3.0 though. (Very smart girl, graduated 4th in a HS class of 480). She did get two degrees in college though.
  Anyway the marriage lasted about 4 years. Now she's 25, single had a great job, good money and then the company merged with another, lots of changes, managers, employees, bonus amounts, micromanagement, so she is back in college and has decided to be a dentist.  I'm 100% confident she will do that.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #54 on: September 29, 2016, 08:12:34 AM »
So, my Catholic High School senior project was to create my dream wedding binder.  Many of my schoolmates had already been working on theirs for quite some time, they were thrilled at the project and the opportunity to devote more time to it.
Wow, was this project assigned to you, or did you choose it? 
Did the guys do the same project?

In the Catholic schools my parents picked for me, there was a mandatory "baby simulation" exercise. Each girl was given an egg and told to pretend it was her baby. The egg had to be "fed" every day, taken to class, taken home, "babysat" by someone else if the female was in sports or had another commitment, etc. If their eggs broke they were given a failing grade. Each male student was assigned to a female partner. He would share in the failing grade if the egg broke or was neglected, but he was not required to actually do the work or held accountable except if the egg broke. This created a ton of resentment. Overall it was an extremely accurate depiction of teen parenting.

Goldielocks

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #55 on: September 29, 2016, 04:37:06 PM »
So, my Catholic High School senior project was to create my dream wedding binder.  Many of my schoolmates had already been working on theirs for quite some time, they were thrilled at the project and the opportunity to devote more time to it.
Wow, was this project assigned to you, or did you choose it? 
Did the guys do the same project?

In the Catholic schools my parents picked for me, there was a mandatory "baby simulation" exercise. Each girl was given an egg and told to pretend it was her baby. The egg had to be "fed" every day, taken to class, taken home, "babysat" by someone else if the female was in sports or had another commitment, etc. If their eggs broke they were given a failing grade. Each male student was assigned to a female partner. He would share in the failing grade if the egg broke or was neglected, but he was not required to actually do the work or held accountable except if the egg broke. This created a ton of resentment. Overall it was an extremely accurate depiction of teen parenting.
That's great.  A reality bites simulation!

MrsPete

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #56 on: September 29, 2016, 04:52:41 PM »
In the Catholic schools my parents picked for me, there was a mandatory "baby simulation" exercise. Each girl was given an egg and told to pretend it was her baby. The egg had to be "fed" every day, taken to class, taken home, "babysat" by someone else if the female was in sports or had another commitment, etc. If their eggs broke they were given a failing grade. Each male student was assigned to a female partner. He would share in the failing grade if the egg broke or was neglected, but he was not required to actually do the work or held accountable except if the egg broke. This created a ton of resentment. Overall it was an extremely accurate depiction of teen parenting.
The high school where I teach -- like many high schools -- owns a set of those mechanical baby dolls.  Kids HATE those baby dolls because they cry all night. 

englishteacheralex

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #57 on: September 29, 2016, 04:58:43 PM »
In the Catholic schools my parents picked for me, there was a mandatory "baby simulation" exercise. Each girl was given an egg and told to pretend it was her baby. The egg had to be "fed" every day, taken to class, taken home, "babysat" by someone else if the female was in sports or had another commitment, etc. If their eggs broke they were given a failing grade. Each male student was assigned to a female partner. He would share in the failing grade if the egg broke or was neglected, but he was not required to actually do the work or held accountable except if the egg broke. This created a ton of resentment. Overall it was an extremely accurate depiction of teen parenting.
The high school where I teach -- like many high schools -- owns a set of those mechanical baby dolls.  Kids HATE those baby dolls because they cry all night.

Have you heard the long-term study that was done about the Baby Think It Over dolls in Australia? They actually increased teen pregnancy, because they aren't a realistic simulation of what it's like to have a newborn, and the kids like the attention of having a baby so much they start thinking over how nice it would be like to have a real one.

I work at a high school and always laugh at the baby simulations, because I've had a newborn myself and it isn't even close to the real experience. If they can find a way to simulate horrible crotch pain, chapped nipples and boobs leaking everywhere, four hours of broken-up sleep/night, out of control hormones, a body that will never be the same, and having to be in charge of a household, THEN maybe it would be a good program. Otherwise...HAHAHAHA!

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #58 on: September 30, 2016, 11:11:41 AM »
In the Catholic schools my parents picked for me, there was a mandatory "baby simulation" exercise. Each girl was given an egg and told to pretend it was her baby. The egg had to be "fed" every day, taken to class, taken home, "babysat" by someone else if the female was in sports or had another commitment, etc. If their eggs broke they were given a failing grade. Each male student was assigned to a female partner. He would share in the failing grade if the egg broke or was neglected, but he was not required to actually do the work or held accountable except if the egg broke. This created a ton of resentment. Overall it was an extremely accurate depiction of teen parenting.
The high school where I teach -- like many high schools -- owns a set of those mechanical baby dolls.  Kids HATE those baby dolls because they cry all night.

Have you heard the long-term study that was done about the Baby Think It Over dolls in Australia? They actually increased teen pregnancy, because they aren't a realistic simulation of what it's like to have a newborn, and the kids like the attention of having a baby so much they start thinking over how nice it would be like to have a real one.

I work at a high school and always laugh at the baby simulations, because I've had a newborn myself and it isn't even close to the real experience. If they can find a way to simulate horrible crotch pain, chapped nipples and boobs leaking everywhere, four hours of broken-up sleep/night, out of control hormones, a body that will never be the same, and having to be in charge of a household, THEN maybe it would be a good program. Otherwise...HAHAHAHA!

That's a great point!

I loved the scene in "Ten Things I hate about you" where the younger daughter had to wear "the belly" before she was let out. Obvi a bit overblown though.

BTDretire

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #59 on: September 30, 2016, 01:58:56 PM »
The high school where I teach -- like many high schools -- owns a set of those mechanical baby dolls.  Kids HATE those baby dolls because they cry all night.

 I watched, "16 and Pregnant' and 'Teen Mom', I see Dr. Drew give credit to the program for the decline in teen births. It may have some effect, but the trend started before the programs started.
There is a graph of teen pregnancy here, http://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/about/
Pg down  to see it. It's not a great graph because on the X axis, 1/4 covers 16 yrs, the next 1/4, 4 yrs and the 1/2, 3 yrs. But it shows the drop. Teen pregnancy is about 1/3 of what it was 25 years ago.

mwulff

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #60 on: October 02, 2016, 12:14:41 AM »
I noticed that the american part of the family had posted pictures from a "baby simulation" exercise thing. Being scandinavian my only comments was: "Give the poor girl a stack of condoms and put her on the pill FF*"..

Apparently some people haven't figured out that teenagers carry more hormones than red blood cells. Which means that when it comes to sex their brains really aren't working, so it's better to just make reasonably sure that it doesn't go wrong.

Making Cookies

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #61 on: October 03, 2016, 10:33:51 AM »
Yes but here in the "Land of the Free" we still endure alot of conservative religious influence in gov't policy. Can't really decide if the politicians selfishly fan the flames or this is what we have due to the various religions anyhow.

Give her (and him) the plain talking education that they need and then equip them with all the birth control tools modern science can deliver. Tell them it is unwise to flirt with baby making when you are broke or nearly so (aka young and not yet fully educated), remind them of how having a baby cuts short their freedoms as a young adult (for a while), and then set them free to live their lives. 

Living in my part of the country there are all sorts of folks who want to turn the discussion into a religious one, limit one's choices to church approved choices (abstinence and morality lectures) and that may be less effective than the plain talking one that appeals to a persons sense of self-responsibility - which admittedly maybe seriously flawed or lacking in some people.

Abstinence education might be the best solution in a perfect world but birth control works better in the real world.

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #62 on: October 03, 2016, 12:13:21 PM »
Abstinence education might be the best solution in a perfect world but birth control works better in the real world.

Yup! I had a good talk with a friend about this, he kept going on and on about how "If you don't have sex you can't get ___." I asked him if he actually looked at the research behind it, he hadn't. I pointed out that high school kids are going to have sex regardless of the education they receive, but with abstinence education they are more likely to forgo protection and thus end up having higher than otherwise pregnancy rates. Since this guy's point was mostly about abortion, I mentioned that if there are less unwanted pregnancies than there would be less abortions, and I think he understood that point.

RetiredAt63

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #63 on: October 03, 2016, 12:22:36 PM »
And the ones who don't know the biology are the ones most likely to believe the myths/get pregnant.  Like my 17 year old room-mate when I had DD - she and her boyfriend (father of her baby) were totally clueless.  At least family and friends and church were being supportive, but she was postponing higher education (CEGEP) for a year.  I've always wondered how that all turned out.

Hunny156

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #64 on: October 03, 2016, 01:13:54 PM »
So, my Catholic High School senior project was to create my dream wedding binder.  Many of my schoolmates had already been working on theirs for quite some time, they were thrilled at the project and the opportunity to devote more time to it.
Wow, was this project assigned to you, or did you choose it? 
Did the guys do the same project?

It was an all girl's School, and every student had the same project.  I hated that school, but was forced to attend after my older sister was sent there in her Senior year, b/c my parents found out she was sleeping with her kinda-boyfriend, and the family priest suggested this school as a better option.  Public school had done a great job of preparing me, and attending this waste of time for three years was not fun.  I never once brought home a textbook, and still graduated in the top 10 of my class.  In my senior year, I had two teachers explain to the students that the word debt was spelled d-e-B-t, the B is silent!  That excuse of a school went out of business a few years ago, and I could not have been happier to hear the news.  Waste of money.

galliver

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #65 on: October 04, 2016, 10:40:28 AM »
The high school where I teach -- like many high schools -- owns a set of those mechanical baby dolls.  Kids HATE those baby dolls because they cry all night.

 I watched, "16 and Pregnant' and 'Teen Mom', I see Dr. Drew give credit to the program for the decline in teen births. It may have some effect, but the trend started before the programs started.
There is a graph of teen pregnancy here, http://www.cdc.gov/teenpregnancy/about/
Pg down  to see it. It's not a great graph because on the X axis, 1/4 covers 16 yrs, the next 1/4, 4 yrs and the 1/2, 3 yrs. But it shows the drop. Teen pregnancy is about 1/3 of what it was 25 years ago.
I've no reason to doubt the data, but my science sensibility hurts from that graph! It's like they plotted the columns of data and labeled it with years instead of doing a scatter plot, as would have been appropriate. Aaargh. >_<

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Making Cookies

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #66 on: October 05, 2016, 08:52:54 AM »
And the ones who don't know the biology are the ones most likely to believe the myths/get pregnant.  Like my 17 year old room-mate when I had DD - she and her boyfriend (father of her baby) were totally clueless.  At least family and friends and church were being supportive, but she was postponing higher education (CEGEP) for a year.  I've always wondered how that all turned out.

I know maybe ten teens in our social circle who had a teenage pregnancy. Several in a single family. I'm sensitive to the drawbacks, the load it places on the people around them, and the lessons their child is learning from all this. Their have been successes within this group and some failures. In some cases I predict their children will repeat their parents' choices.

I really enjoyed my teens/twenties when I was single and childless. I have also enjoyed being a husband/father too.

During my "unattached" years I traveled the world, got my education and had adventures.

I think this is an important period/opportunity everyone ought to have. Tough for a 22 year old a young woman who has one or more children relying on her that may or may not have the support of those children's father(s).

Tough on the Dad too if he is properly invested in raising his children whatever his martial situation and supporting them even if he is not 'with' the mother.

I have a friend who struggles with her "ex" who either doesn't support the child or tries to take over the caregiver role even though he is in and out of legal trouble (drugs, jail, etc). WHY would a young woman ever get that close to a guy like that in the first place?

Life goes on...

galliver

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #67 on: October 05, 2016, 09:29:44 AM »
I was flipping through some internet Disney funnies last night, came across one that reminded me of this thread. Picture of one of the Disney witches, captioned "Everyone says they want a fairy tale wedding, but when I show up to curse their firstborn child, suddenly I'M the bad guy!"

I'm sure a metaphor could be devised with sufficient effort.

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RetiredAt63

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #68 on: October 06, 2016, 05:40:41 AM »
And the ones who don't know the biology are the ones most likely to believe the myths/get pregnant.  Like my 17 year old room-mate when I had DD - she and her boyfriend (father of her baby) were totally clueless.  At least family and friends and church were being supportive, but she was postponing higher education (CEGEP) for a year.  I've always wondered how that all turned out.

I know maybe ten teens in our social circle who had a teenage pregnancy. Several in a single family. I'm sensitive to the drawbacks, the load it places on the people around them, and the lessons their child is learning from all this. Their have been successes within this group and some failures. In some cases I predict their children will repeat their parents' choices.

I really enjoyed my teens/twenties when I was single and childless. I have also enjoyed being a husband/father too.

During my "unattached" years I traveled the world, got my education and had adventures.

I think this is an important period/opportunity everyone ought to have. Tough for a 22 year old a young woman who has one or more children relying on her that may or may not have the support of those children's father(s).

Tough on the Dad too if he is properly invested in raising his children whatever his martial situation and supporting them even if he is not 'with' the mother.

I have a friend who struggles with her "ex" who either doesn't support the child or tries to take over the caregiver role even though he is in and out of legal trouble (drugs, jail, etc). WHY would a young woman ever get that close to a guy like that in the first place?

Life goes on...

My roommate was 17, ouch.  At least her boyfriend was a nice responsible guy.  I think (from things I heard) that their church and families were quite conservative (i.e. they had no sex ed except what little they had seen in school) and didn't realise that what they were doing could get them into trouble.

The "bad guys" - ah they are interesting and sexy and exciting and a way to rebel against our parents.  Ideally we outgrow them.  Ideally without pregnancies and STDs.