Author Topic: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding  (Read 13322 times)


slugline

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2016, 07:41:20 AM »
Ah, youth and the desire to live up to peer expectations. . . .

MrsPete

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2016, 07:48:51 AM »
So she opted to borrow for school, she chose to run up her credit card ... and those past choices have made the latest thing she really, really, really wants unattainable.  Next up will be a sob story about how young couples just can't afford a nice all-brick center-hall Colonial with updated appliances on the nice side of town anymore ... shortly followed by a whine about how no one appreciates mothers who want to stay at home. 

No surprise in that story. 

She wants a wedding that'll "inspire" people?  Huh? 
« Last Edit: September 15, 2016, 07:55:24 AM by MrsPete »

bacchi

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2016, 08:10:24 AM »
The article comments are surprisingly sensible.

Someone posted this Onion article: http://www.theonion.com/article/each-member-family-edge-vacation-has-gone-without--53558


iris lily

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2016, 08:25:27 AM »
I skimmed her blog and awww, she is just young. She doesnt have much to say,  but she puts up pretty  images.

My wish for young brides is that they could understan  that an elegant wedding reception can be had for a few thousand bucks by simply paring down the guest list, choosing with the care the venue, and making an astute choice about timing the party.

But instead they all gravitate toward exactly the same party:100+ guests, Saturday night sit-down dinner with "personal touches" that are really all the same.

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2016, 10:01:31 AM »
So when people talk about weddings being expensive, I silently laugh. I come from an Indian family, and I know my friends would have trouble breathing if they found out how much my sister's and brother's wedding cost (multiple events, each had 400+ guests, open bars, ect).

That said, I really hope that if I get married, my wife will be up for eloping or getting a court wedding.

Let's say I do plan on having a reception or other events, I wonder if I can lie and tell everyone that it's for a birthday or anniversary or is a fundraiser, anything but a wedding (as I'm sure people charge more for weddings).

meghan88

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2016, 11:12:23 AM »

charis

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2016, 11:37:35 AM »
I skimmed her blog and awww, she is just young.

This was my reaction.  I never dreamed about getting married or a princess dress, but I did start fantasizing about certain (inexpensive) aspects of my wedding when it came time to plan it.   But cultural expectations around weddings are a weird thing that suck in even the most level-headed people, it seems.

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2016, 12:01:29 PM »
I skimmed her blog and awww, she is just young.

This was my reaction.  I never dreamed about getting married or a princess dress, but I did start fantasizing about certain (inexpensive) aspects of my wedding when it came time to plan it.   But cultural expectations around weddings are a weird thing that suck in even the most level-headed people, it seems.

Absolutely! My brother's wife is an extremely practical and frugal person. This perception was challenged when it came to their wedding.

MrMoogle

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #9 on: September 15, 2016, 12:16:08 PM »
Quote
I didnít anticipate arguing over money just to plan a wedding. I didnít anticipate feeling such pressure to create a wedding that leaves every guest inspired.
If you're in as much debt as she seems to be, where was she expecting the money to come from?  And why does she feel pressure to have an "inspiring" wedding?

charis

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #10 on: September 15, 2016, 12:55:43 PM »
Quote
I didnít anticipate arguing over money just to plan a wedding. I didnít anticipate feeling such pressure to create a wedding that leaves every guest inspired.
If you're in as much debt as she seems to be, where was she expecting the money to come from?  And why does she feel pressure to have an "inspiring" wedding?

I think the point is that she wasn't expecting the money to come from anywhere because she didn't anticipate the desire/pressure to have a "certain" type of wedding.   Logic tells us to recognize the pressure for what it is and then steer clear (and hopefully the author will get there), but the pressure of wedding culture is a valid concern.   If you've never experienced this, that's great. I suspect that it, like "mommy guilt" and diamond engagement rings, is directed toward women primarily.

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #11 on: September 15, 2016, 01:29:54 PM »
Quote
I didnít anticipate arguing over money just to plan a wedding. I didnít anticipate feeling such pressure to create a wedding that leaves every guest inspired.
If you're in as much debt as she seems to be, where was she expecting the money to come from?  And why does she feel pressure to have an "inspiring" wedding?

I think the point is that she wasn't expecting the money to come from anywhere because she didn't anticipate the desire/pressure to have a "certain" type of wedding.   Logic tells us to recognize the pressure for what it is and then steer clear (and hopefully the author will get there), but the pressure of wedding culture is a valid concern.   If you've never experienced this, that's great. I suspect that it, like "mommy guilt" and diamond engagement rings, is directed toward women primarily.

Yeah, as a guy I don't fully understand the pressure that some people face in having a wedding. I saw my sister's wedding planning firsthand (living at home with both my sister and parents who organized it all), and have more respect for just how stressful it could be. There were multiple times when I told my sister, "Why can't you just tell ___ to go fuck herself." I don't know if it was because of the community we're in (Indian...very paternalistic society), but my sister and mom had people calling us to just demand that we did things their way. Nearly every Indian wedding I've been to has been followed by the guests gossiping non-stop about it for the next week, and it's never, "The flowers were beautiful," or "I loved the hall," but rather, "The speeches were too long," and the "The food was a bit dry." I distinctly recall asking my mom why we had to pander to such assholes and my mom shrugging and saying, "That's the way it works."

galliver

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #12 on: September 15, 2016, 05:00:16 PM »
I realize there are different perspectives on this due to cultural, religious, and moral norms/beliefs people have, but...I do find that living together takes a lot of (temporal) pressure off the whole getting married thing...

Helvegen

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #13 on: September 15, 2016, 05:40:26 PM »
I think my ex-SIL could have wrote this back in 2009, when her and my brother were broke and unemployed with no luck at the height of the recession.

She always wanted a standard princess wedding in addition to her culture's traditional one. My brother really couldn't care less. I had no advice because me and my husband didn't care about this crap either and didn't do it.

But fortunes changed. They both got good paying jobs and started working on paying down some of their debt and saving for the wedding. It took 3-4 years and plopping down five figs, but eventually, she got her princess wedding. I thought it was predictable and boring and eh for the price, but hey, this not about me and I was really happy for them. I liked my brother and his now wife so if this made them happy, I was happy!

She filed for divorce on their two year wedding anniversary and the divorce was final a few months later.

But she got her dream wedding!

LiveLean

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #14 on: September 15, 2016, 05:47:41 PM »
Forget the wedding vision and all of her debt. The guy is considering marrying a girl whose ideal life is coming home to watch The Bachelor and enjoying their shared pet.

The engagement will be off shortly.

ender

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #15 on: September 15, 2016, 06:05:38 PM »
Quote
Paying for a wedding is expensive, but I feel the added pressures of hosting a one-of-a-kind event that astounds our guests and makes its way into magazines. Meanwhile, my boyfriend would happily get married in a small venue with about 10 people.


Sums up the problem there.

Also, we had a fairly picturesque wedding that was only missing alcohol that was "only" $10k. Though it was several years after college, so meh.

englishteacheralex

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #16 on: September 15, 2016, 06:06:35 PM »
Ah weddings. My three year anniversary is coming up and I'm still so proud of ours. Cost 10k for a 150+ guest list in Hawaii (not a destination wedding; that's where we live).

It all came down to extensive hookups. Didn't have to pay for venues (reception sponsored by rich friends at a country club, ceremony at the church I was a member of), transportation (the church youth group van), decorations (plenny flowers from people's backyards cuz it's Hawaii!), cake (church secretary made it as a gift), music (church music director is our friend, also had a band play that were friends but we still paid them), or an officiant (pastor is a friend). Bought my dress new from JCrew, sold it online three weeks after the honeymoon for 50% of what I paid for it (it was $500). Photographer was a friend who gave us a discount.

We decided that what people really want from a party is plenty of good food, good booze, and climate control (beach weddings are overrated). So most of what we paid for was food and booze.

Totally fairy tale wedding, but relatively inexpensive. It can be done! You just can't get hung up on a specific vision for anything. As soon as you start hitting up Pinterest just for looksies you're sunk.

The Guru

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #17 on: September 15, 2016, 06:50:36 PM »
Quote
Paying for a wedding is expensive, but I feel the added pressures of hosting a one-of-a-kind event that astounds our guests and makes its way into magazines. Meanwhile, my boyfriend would happily get married in a small venue with about 10 people.


Sums up the problem there.

Also, we had a fairly picturesque wedding that was only missing alcohol that was "only" $10k. Though it was several years after college, so meh.

Exactly. She wants to pay megabucks to "spend her life" [snork...] with a man who apparently disagrees with her on the subject that it's said causes more marital conflict and hence divorces than any other. What could possibly go wrong?


gardeningandgreen

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #18 on: September 16, 2016, 01:19:31 PM »
As a woman who is getting married in 2 weeks I totally understand the pressure to have a fairy tale wedding. I am amazingly lucky to have a family place to have my wedding. It is still costing us around $5K for the actual wedding. We would have loved to just elope. But our families are paying for the wedding and it is making our parents happy. I know it will be an amazing day but the planning is more stressful that I would enjoy.

Making Cookies

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #19 on: September 16, 2016, 01:58:45 PM »
Quote
I didnít anticipate arguing over money just to plan a wedding. I didnít anticipate feeling such pressure to create a wedding that leaves every guest inspired.
If you're in as much debt as she seems to be, where was she expecting the money to come from?  And why does she feel pressure to have an "inspiring" wedding?

Too many YouTube videos with elaborate dancing entrances and stunts later on the reception hall floor?

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #20 on: September 19, 2016, 10:43:28 AM »
Quote
I didnít anticipate arguing over money just to plan a wedding. I didnít anticipate feeling such pressure to create a wedding that leaves every guest inspired.
If you're in as much debt as she seems to be, where was she expecting the money to come from?  And why does she feel pressure to have an "inspiring" wedding?

Too many YouTube videos with elaborate dancing entrances and stunts later on the reception hall floor?

I think the pressure comes not from that but more from having spend a lot of time idealizing their wedding. Several friends have dreamed of their wedding since they were kids. This stays with you, and what's worse is that it's done at a time when few have any concept as to how much these things cost.

Making Cookies

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #21 on: September 19, 2016, 10:53:41 AM »
But what about the 2nd or 3rd marriages where people are older and ought to know better??? ;)

Hunny156

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #22 on: September 19, 2016, 03:12:59 PM »
So, my Catholic High School senior project was to create my dream wedding binder.  Many of my schoolmates had already been working on theirs for quite some time, they were thrilled at the project and the opportunity to devote more time to it.

My frugal parents were not going to pay for a bunch of overpriced bridal magazines, I think I got away with buying one, and spent the rest of my time sending away for all the free catalogs.  I covered the basics, but it wasn't incredibly elaborate (I didn't have fabric samples and I didn't wrap the binder in lace), so I only got a B!

Years later, when we were planning our wedding, we went to several of the places that met the snobby requirements of my Italian family.  This is the one that stopped my search.  Although it was truly pretty on the inside, this place is basically behind a strip mall!  We were looking at a Sunday afternoon wedding, the cheapest possible option.  2 year waiting list, and the representative said some garbage about how this wedding would let out guests know that we had "set the proper tone" for our marriage.  WTF?  Shortly thereafter I pissed off many family members and got a lot of flak for doing a destination wedding in Vegas (still spent too much, but a drop in the bucket compared to the typical weddings).

http://www.chateaubriandcaterers.com/

11ducks

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #23 on: September 19, 2016, 10:45:55 PM »
Feel like I'm losing at this. 30 people, $12k for our wedding coming up. I'd happily do registry office and dinner, but partner wants something "nice", and I'm learning to compromise (said with gritted teeth). He's getting so much better with money over time (he used to drive me mental with the amount he would waste!) - so this is my compromise. We are getting a venue where wedding/reception are onsite, in an (admittedly) beautiful rainforest setting, with 3 course meal for 30ppl.

Cost is around $6500 for that =f**king ridiculous, but hey, its (hopefully) a once-off expense,  plus its all on site, so easy  (I'm fundamentally lazy) then another $4-5k for photog/celebrant/clothes/accomm/flowers/alcohol/all the other nonsense, and $3k for a honeymoon.

We are saving for it and will have the full amount paid before the wedding, so we can afford it (though I wince to see that much money go into the wedding fund instead of savings each f/t!). Cannot wait until its all done so I can get  back to saving a decent % of my income!


Rife

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #24 on: September 19, 2016, 11:27:57 PM »
Quote
I didnít anticipate arguing over money just to plan a wedding. I didnít anticipate feeling such pressure to create a wedding that leaves every guest inspired.
If you're in as much debt as she seems to be, where was she expecting the money to come from?  And why does she feel pressure to have an "inspiring" wedding?

I think the point is that she wasn't expecting the money to come from anywhere because she didn't anticipate the desire/pressure to have a "certain" type of wedding.   Logic tells us to recognize the pressure for what it is and then steer clear (and hopefully the author will get there), but the pressure of wedding culture is a valid concern.   If you've never experienced this, that's great. I suspect that it, like "mommy guilt" and diamond engagement rings, is directed toward women primarily.

As a guy my wedding planning memory is mostly: 'it is your wedding, you guys can do whatever you want'...ok then we won't do that..'no! You have to people expect it!'  I had many conversations like that.

 In the end, my wife didn't want to plan the wedding anymore and we got married in Vegas fir 250 bucks. We did throw a ~$5000 reception in downtown Seattle though. At the only place that charged corporate rate instead of the (normally tripled) wedding rate. Costs can easily get out of hand. Also, I doubt her other 20 year old friends saved and paid for their own expensive weddings.

Making Cookies

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #25 on: September 20, 2016, 09:51:38 AM »
My wife was easy to get along with. It were the mothers that had certain expectations that had ot be met. They were footing the bill so whatever.

I frankly would have been just as happy to get married in a pretty place along a favorite trail but we had guests to worry about.

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #26 on: September 20, 2016, 10:49:21 AM »
My cousin's wife's wedding was one of the most elaborate I've been to. Later I found out that her parents offered to either pay for the wedding or their first down-payment, she took the wedding.

jinga nation

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #27 on: September 20, 2016, 12:31:06 PM »
My cousin's wife's wedding was one of the most elaborate I've been to. Later I found out that her parents offered to either pay for the wedding or their first down-payment, she took the wedding.
If she's Asian, her Asian card should be revoked. How can you say no to a FREE down payment?

MayDay

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #28 on: September 20, 2016, 12:52:36 PM »
My wife was easy to get along with. It were the mothers that had certain expectations that had ot be met. They were footing the bill so whatever.

I frankly would have been just as happy to get married in a pretty place along a favorite trail but we had guests to worry about.

This was my experience.  We looked at costs, and decided we would just do a cake and punch reception in the church basement.  We were just graduating, no money, didn't want a dance anyway, and as church members, it would be super cheap.

My parents were all "what will people think?!?!?" so we ended up with a regular reception.  Still only about 10K for 125 people, though, because I am super frugal.

If I was doing it again, I would 100% elope.  I fucking hate going to weddings.  I will never inflict that on anyone else again.

GuitarStv

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #29 on: September 20, 2016, 12:56:04 PM »
http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

Quote
In this paper, we evaluate the association between wedding spending and marriage duration using data from a survey of over 3,000 ever-married persons in the United States. Controlling for a number of demographic and relationship characteristics, we find evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony.

Making Cookies

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #30 on: September 20, 2016, 12:58:53 PM »
My wife was easy to get along with. It were the mothers that had certain expectations that had ot be met. They were footing the bill so whatever.

I frankly would have been just as happy to get married in a pretty place along a favorite trail but we had guests to worry about.

This was my experience.  We looked at costs, and decided we would just do a cake and punch reception in the church basement.  We were just graduating, no money, didn't want a dance anyway, and as church members, it would be super cheap.

My parents were all "what will people think?!?!?" so we ended up with a regular reception.  Still only about 10K for 125 people, though, because I am super frugal.

If I was doing it again, I would 100% elope.  I fucking hate going to weddings.  I will never inflict that on anyone else again.

I think cookouts / bring a covered dish type events are perfect for all occasions. Graduations, funerals, weddings, mortgage paper burnings, etc.

Flip-flops, loud shirts, short skirts, and great music. Don't forget the fire pit and adult beverages.

Apparently though some folks like to dress up occasionally. ;)
« Last Edit: September 20, 2016, 01:01:33 PM by Joe Lucky »

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #31 on: September 20, 2016, 01:06:01 PM »
My cousin's wife's wedding was one of the most elaborate I've been to. Later I found out that her parents offered to either pay for the wedding or their first down-payment, she took the wedding.
If she's Asian, her Asian card should be revoked. How can you say no to a FREE down payment?

Yup, she's Gujarati.

jinga nation

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #32 on: September 21, 2016, 05:48:34 AM »
My cousin's wife's wedding was one of the most elaborate I've been to. Later I found out that her parents offered to either pay for the wedding or their first down-payment, she took the wedding.
If she's Asian, her Asian card should be revoked. How can you say no to a FREE down payment?

Yup, she's Gujarati.
Oy vey! So am I! Revoke her Gujju card, stat! She must be an ABCD.

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #33 on: September 21, 2016, 08:49:36 PM »
My cousin's wife's wedding was one of the most elaborate I've been to. Later I found out that her parents offered to either pay for the wedding or their first down-payment, she took the wedding.
If she's Asian, her Asian card should be revoked. How can you say no to a FREE down payment?

Yup, she's Gujarati.
Oy vey! So am I! Revoke her Gujju card, stat! She must be an ABCD.

She was born in the US. I should add that both her and her husband (my cousin) make a bundle of money. Plus he's fairly good with money*, so I don't think they are hard up.


*Biased because he's the only family member that think it's possible to retire on the 4% rule. Helps that he's a finance guy and frugal to begin with.

talltexan

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #34 on: September 22, 2016, 12:37:51 PM »
My wife mentioned last night how much she enjoyed our wedding (which was about 8 years ago). Part of me cringes when I think about how much money was spent on that event, but part of me is so gratified when I hear her say that that I guess I'm good.

But--dang--to have an extra $70,000 (after adjusting for SP 500 returns) toward FI. That'd be really nice. Now I just need to figure out what to do with two wedding dress boxes (wife's and Mother-in-law's).

charis

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #35 on: September 22, 2016, 12:47:28 PM »
My wife mentioned last night how much she enjoyed our wedding (which was about 8 years ago). Part of me cringes when I think about how much money was spent on that event, but part of me is so gratified when I hear her say that that I guess I'm good.

But--dang--to have an extra $70,000 (after adjusting for SP 500 returns) toward FI. That'd be really nice. Now I just need to figure out what to do with two wedding dress boxes (wife's and Mother-in-law's).

No judgment, but $70K?  Damn, I don't know how I would spend that much on a wedding if I tried.

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #36 on: September 22, 2016, 12:52:34 PM »
My wife mentioned last night how much she enjoyed our wedding (which was about 8 years ago). Part of me cringes when I think about how much money was spent on that event, but part of me is so gratified when I hear her say that that I guess I'm good.

But--dang--to have an extra $70,000 (after adjusting for SP 500 returns) toward FI. That'd be really nice. Now I just need to figure out what to do with two wedding dress boxes (wife's and Mother-in-law's).

No judgment, but $70K?  Damn, I don't know how I would spend that much on a wedding if I tried.

I'm assuming that the $70k is what it would be worth today after 8 years of accumulated returns. If we assume a 9% return, then he likely spent around $35k for their wedding.

talltexan

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #37 on: September 22, 2016, 12:57:08 PM »
MGOSam has it right, thank you! $35K sounded extravagant, but some of our choices saved our out-of-town guests from having to rent cars, that along could have been a $15,000 aggregate expenditure reduction (admittedly not our own)...

MgoSam

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #38 on: September 22, 2016, 01:02:36 PM »
$35K sounded extravagant

Not to me or anyone that's been to a few Indian weddings...

ender

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #39 on: September 23, 2016, 07:04:58 AM »
One thing I'm realizing having gone to many weddings this summer is that price and extravagence are not necessarily linearly correlated.




iris lily

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #40 on: September 23, 2016, 10:00:19 AM »
One thing I'm realizing having gone to many weddings this summer is that price and extravagence are not necessarily linearly correlated.
? What does this mean?

I would say that elegance and costs dont correlate, but extravagance IS about cost.

So what is your definition of extravagant?

ender

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #41 on: September 23, 2016, 10:03:29 AM »
One thing I'm realizing having gone to many weddings this summer is that price and extravagence are not necessarily linearly correlated.
? What does this mean?

I would say that elegance and costs dont correlate, but extravagance IS about cost.

So what is your definition of extravagant?

I mean that some things cost a ton and aren't really extravagant and some are the other way around.

Our wedding was $10k total and felt fairly fancy/extravagant, live band at the reception, rented a beautiful church, had ridiculously awesome pictures, reception venue was equally beautiful (but required nearly no decorations), my wife found a great dress relatively inexpensively, etc.

Plenty of people blow way more on a dress and other things and end up spending more but feeling less extravagant.


BTDretire

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #42 on: September 24, 2016, 12:12:31 PM »
I have a late 20s female professional family member that dated a man for ten years, with some problems*. She finally convinced him to get married. She spent $50k+ on the wedding, bought a $450k, 5 bedroom house, had a kid, bought a Mercedes, and now sent him to jail for domestic abuse. The judge sent him to rehab. The divorce word is being thrown about. Her family is in another state, the judge already ordered, you can't take the toddler out of state.
It's a mess.
But, she got her Fairy Tale wedding.

 Many, many crying days showing up at work before the marriage.
Why she married him with all the problems, is a mystery.

*Mental abuse, physical was never confirmed until the latest event.

 

sleepyguy

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #43 on: September 24, 2016, 07:25:49 PM »
LOL!  That is friggin HILARIOUS!  I guess I'm stuck with my SO forever! haha.  Wedding cost $0.  (we're common law, lol)l.

http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

Quote
In this paper, we evaluate the association between wedding spending and marriage duration using data from a survey of over 3,000 ever-married persons in the United States. Controlling for a number of demographic and relationship characteristics, we find evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony.

Making Cookies

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #44 on: September 25, 2016, 10:46:09 AM »
I have a late 20s female professional family member that dated a man for ten years, with some problems*. She finally convinced him to get married. She spent $50k+ on the wedding, bought a $450k, 5 bedroom house, had a kid, bought a Mercedes, and now sent him to jail for domestic abuse. The judge sent him to rehab. The divorce word is being thrown about. Her family is in another state, the judge already ordered, you can't take the toddler out of state.
It's a mess.
But, she got her Fairy Tale wedding.

 Many, many crying days showing up at work before the marriage.
Why she married him with all the problems, is a mystery.

*Mental abuse, physical was never confirmed until the latest event.

We're watching one unravel that is similar but without the $$$. I think a reliable guy might be considered boring by the gal. Better to go with the slightly dangerous choice to have an exciting marriage - except exciting turned into big arguments, some child abuse, some wife abuse and alot of financial problems. Now they are in process of splitting 20 years later.

nobodyspecial

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #45 on: September 25, 2016, 11:41:56 AM »
http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

Quote
In this paper, we evaluate the association between wedding spending and marriage duration using data from a survey of over 3,000 ever-married persons in the United States. Controlling for a number of demographic and relationship characteristics, we find evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony.
The ultimate example:


laka

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #46 on: September 25, 2016, 12:10:12 PM »
I do some part-time work as a wedding coordinator (close friend has a business planning weddings, I help out on event days). I think that a big part of what gets missed when people plan their weddings (or dream about what they want) is how much those "inspirational" photos they pin actually cost and how much work they actually take. I have worked at $200,000+ weddings, and they're gorgeous. And so. much. money.  You can absolutely replicate some of those things for less money, but it takes a LOT of work, and you need to have someone(s) who will be able to do that work on that day. And 400 guest will cost a ton of money, no matter how frugal you are. 

Also, those $200,000+ weddings? Paid for by very wealthy parents. I cannot imagine how a couple just coming out of college could expect to pay for a wedding like that with their own money.

tyort1

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #47 on: September 25, 2016, 03:06:18 PM »
http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2501480

Quote
In this paper, we evaluate the association between wedding spending and marriage duration using data from a survey of over 3,000 ever-married persons in the United States. Controlling for a number of demographic and relationship characteristics, we find evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony.

Haha, that is some funny sh!t!!

coin

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #48 on: September 25, 2016, 07:52:50 PM »
I would totally trade places with this lady.  I don't care too much about a wedding - I said 'let's just sign papers at the registry office' - but my family (and to a lesser extent, his) want a capital-W Wedding.  So that's what we're going to do, because I will never hear the end of it from the rest of the family, and I'm enough of a black sheep as it is.

I did ask my fiancť if we could just elope or quietly sign papers at the registry office *then* tell our families, but he said that was underhanded.  *sigh*.  Oh well.

Edit:  Actually, I wouldn't trade places for being up to my eyeballs in student debt, but the whole idea of a big wedding like my family wants gives me nightmares despite the fact I know all the people invited.
« Last Edit: September 25, 2016, 07:58:23 PM by coin »

No Name Guy

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Re: I'm broke but can't help dreaming of a fairy-tale wedding
« Reply #49 on: September 25, 2016, 11:13:05 PM »
Broke woman wants a big wedding....broke guy wants a big truck.  Same foolishness, different manifestation.