Author Topic: Wedding Registry  (Read 12094 times)

Goldielocks

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #50 on: June 13, 2019, 02:57:16 PM »
Registries made sense when people wanted nice china or crystal glassware or flatware.   You could specify the pattern, and people could buy just a single place setting....  x 24 people and you now have a matching 8 piece place setting for entertaining.

It then grew from there and is kind of "ick" now, IMO as most gifts aren't going to be one piece of a set anymore. 

Oh, and of course there are people that buy on the registry, and ask for the store to "mail" the items for them, or hold for pickup.   But of course what they actually intend to do is return everything for cash, and they really don't want the items on the registry after all.

Siebrie

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #51 on: June 14, 2019, 04:20:13 AM »
I have heard of a British warehouse, that would keep track of your wedding registry for you: Aunt X has bought Y. Then you could send a thankyou note to Aunt X for Y, but never ever collect Y. Instead, you would get store credit for that amount.

At our own wedding, we had a courthouse ceremony with about 20 guests, at the Brussels Central Market Square (Brussels Grand Place - search it, it's lovely!), then a picknick at the petting zoo next to our apartment building. Dinner was cooked by two African ladies husband knows. We told the guests not to bring gifts, because we were planning on having the religious ceremony later in my hometown. However, I gave birth the day after our wedding, we moved apartments, money was tight, and the church wedding never happened. There was a religious ceremony and party in husband's African country, for which we had sent some money; did you know that for a muslim wedding, neither partner needs to be present? :)

Villanelle

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #52 on: June 14, 2019, 09:58:16 AM »
I have no issues with a registry.  I think it just needs to be viewed as some possible suggestions for those who want suggestions.  But anything from off-registry should of course be accepted gratefully and happily.  I also think it helps to have a wide price range on one's registry.  We actually got pushback initially for not having more higher priced items.  (I don't think we had anything over $100, and probably few even close to that.)  I was told that groups wanted to go in on nice things together, by several people. It felt awkward because it seemed somehow greedy but I reluctantly added a few more expensive items.  (I remember a vacuum--though still a fairly modest model, and I added a larger tool set instead of the smaller piecemeal items we'd included.  There may have been a couple others.) 

I think they very much still have their place in modern society, but they are misused and abused.  It's nice to know that they actually want a toaster (or have already been given one) and that the glassware you are buying is exactly what they want.  If I'm spending $100 on a gift, I'm much rather it be something they love, rather than something that will do. 

martyconlonontherun

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #53 on: June 14, 2019, 10:17:38 AM »
My wife handled the registry and thank you cards (I signed and wrote a non-gift related note). Only gift I remember is my groomsmen getting me 2 30 pound dumbbells. They were about $70. He knew i wanted them, I was too cheap to buy myself, and I would use them for years to come. He also knew 90% of the registry were things only my wife would use.

In hindsight, I'm glad I didn't investigate. I don't really care about the gifts and feel it is another unnecessary custom to spend money, but I wouldn't be able to get my numbers mind past analyzing who brought what when if I opened that Pandora's box.

As a guest, I usually send $150 straight cash (more if in party). I think that probably comes close to covering our meals and in the area where it doesn't stand out either way.

Just Joe

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #54 on: June 17, 2019, 08:31:10 AM »
I think the whole thing with registries is slightly vulgar. The whole concept of planning a wedding budget around part of that being recouped seems to me to be slightly vulgar.

It's sad that weddings are now something to 'show off'. They really should be intimate affairs.

Yep.

I'm that cheap SOB who believes it when the invite says "No gifts. Your presence is enough." Maybe it was said with a wink or a knowing look but how am I to know?

A close friend had a charity registry. It was a generous list of charities that they liked.

I like the charity registry.

Funny how so many of the customs (and holidays) we have involve buying stuff. I'd rather just enjoy people's time and presence.
« Last Edit: June 17, 2019, 08:38:13 AM by Just Joe »

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #55 on: June 17, 2019, 04:27:26 PM »
I like a wedding registry. A good one should have things in a range of prices. It gives a good idea of what people actually want.

SheWhoWalksAtLunch

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #56 on: June 18, 2019, 07:57:36 AM »
Talking about outrageous wedding registries, I received an electronic wedding invitation last year:

1) I didn't know the couple and had to ask around town to find out who the bride and groom were.
2) The bride had invited everyone in a several local organizations regardless of how well she knew them (as in took the online mailing lists and spammed everyone, everywhere, repeatedly.)
3) Every communication linked to an online wedding registry site that in addition to traditional items like towels, crockery, furniture & sporting equipment, included; donate $ for the bride's dress, donate $ for the bride's hair, donate for the flowers, on down the list including the photographer, dance lessons, hall rental, honeymoon and home improvements (new windows & a fridge).  I added it all up and the wish list came to over $75,000.

I rounded up some easily entertained friends who had also received invitations and we decided to attend in a gaggle just to see what would happen.  The response to my RSVP was an email asking guests to BYO food & beverages.  As the date got closer, another email arrived asking everyone to BYO a chair.  I considered that plus a modest gift off the registry well worth the price of admission to see a bunch of well dressed total strangers mill about awkwardly carrying chairs and covered dishes waiting to be herded into a group photo.  The Bride and Groom didn't bother to greet any of us during the reception and were heard to complain that the guests had started eating the food before they had a chance to get first pick. 

I'm a huge fan of only having the size wedding you can afford, so I have no issue with the BYO food, beverages & seating arrangements. I happily brought all three.  I can even see the logic behind asking for cash donations for the flower girl's dresses and the gifts for the best men.  My complaint?  The bride recently started posting items for sale on a local buy/sell website (that many of us also belong to).  You get one guess as to what she's selling off....

Update on this couple: I heard this morning from a reliable source that the couple have split up. This news comes less than one year after the wedding.

Edited to add: I checked the on-line registry.  Its still live if you want to get the couple a lovely parting gift.
« Last Edit: June 18, 2019, 08:02:52 AM by SheWhoWalksAtLunch »

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #57 on: June 21, 2019, 02:40:38 PM »
A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.

Villanelle

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #58 on: June 22, 2019, 06:01:40 PM »
A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.

So the wedding hasn't happened yet?  And people are already judging the gift in total?  If those "people" are the couple, I'd be reconsidering some things. 

iris lily

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #59 on: July 22, 2019, 08:15:55 AM »
When I get married I am having a 'no gifts allowed' policy.

Sigh. Decades ago my parents imsisted on giving a reception after our courthouse wedding, one they put on. I told them I didnt want gifts at all. They took that to mean they should put a statement on the invitation ďno gifts please.Ē Double Sigh, that is tacky. But whatever.

We still got stuff. We also got cash.

It wont work.people are compelled to give unnecessarily.


LaineyAZ

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #60 on: July 22, 2019, 09:57:57 AM »
In another twist on this, our local Kiwanis club does an annual "Community Baby Shower" which collects new and gently used baby items for teen moms, new foster moms, young parents in shelters, and even new grandparents in need.  They ask for the usual baby clothes, bottles, diapers, socks and gift cards. 
But to make it easy they have set up a registry at Target so you can do an online donation which they will pick up.  Volunteers then set up an actual baby shower to which these moms/grandparents are invited.  I think it's a great way to help get baby necessities to those in need in the community.

partgypsy

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #61 on: July 22, 2019, 10:45:50 AM »
Talking about outrageous wedding registries, I received an electronic wedding invitation last year:

1) I didn't know the couple and had to ask around town to find out who the bride and groom were.
2) The bride had invited everyone in a several local organizations regardless of how well she knew them (as in took the online mailing lists and spammed everyone, everywhere, repeatedly.)
3) Every communication linked to an online wedding registry site that in addition to traditional items like towels, crockery, furniture & sporting equipment, included; donate $ for the bride's dress, donate $ for the bride's hair, donate for the flowers, on down the list including the photographer, dance lessons, hall rental, honeymoon and home improvements (new windows & a fridge).  I added it all up and the wish list came to over $75,000.

I rounded up some easily entertained friends who had also received invitations and we decided to attend in a gaggle just to see what would happen.  The response to my RSVP was an email asking guests to BYO food & beverages.  As the date got closer, another email arrived asking everyone to BYO a chair.  I considered that plus a modest gift off the registry well worth the price of admission to see a bunch of well dressed total strangers mill about awkwardly carrying chairs and covered dishes waiting to be herded into a group photo.  The Bride and Groom didn't bother to greet any of us during the reception and were heard to complain that the guests had started eating the food before they had a chance to get first pick. 

I'm a huge fan of only having the size wedding you can afford, so I have no issue with the BYO food, beverages & seating arrangements. I happily brought all three.  I can even see the logic behind asking for cash donations for the flower girl's dresses and the gifts for the best men.  My complaint?  The bride recently started posting items for sale on a local buy/sell website (that many of us also belong to).  You get one guess as to what she's selling off....

Update on this couple: I heard this morning from a reliable source that the couple have split up. This news comes less than one year after the wedding.

Edited to add: I checked the on-line registry.  Its still live if you want to get the couple a lovely parting gift.

that would be nice to share...

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #62 on: July 23, 2019, 12:22:11 PM »
A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.

So the wedding hasn't happened yet?  And people are already judging the gift in total?  If those "people" are the couple, I'd be reconsidering some things.

This was years ago, but yes, we were judged by idiots.

More recently, some relatives are getting married and doing a no-kids wedding at a venue I can't get to at that time. The bride and her siblings were at my wedding as kids, but that's how I wanted my wedding - at a fancy venue, and with kids. [*cough cough, I didn't pay for it]

When I heard they were paying for it themselves, I handed the couple $500 and let them know I'll hate to miss it, but it looks like I'll have to.

Honestly, I won't be missed by these family member, and my not showing up is a help to the young couple.
« Last Edit: July 26, 2019, 10:31:31 AM by A Fella from Stella »

LiveLean

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #63 on: July 23, 2019, 12:33:24 PM »
During the NCAA Tournament in March, word got out that University of Virginia player Kyle Guy and his fiancee had to take down their wedding registry because UVA fans apparently were buying them stuff and this was an NCAA violation. There was much back and forth about whether or not this was the case.

Kyle Guy goes on to lead UVA to the national title and is named the tournament's Most Outstanding Player. He goes pro early and is drafted by the Sacramento Kings in the second round. He's getting married this weekend. Looking at their registry -- and they have them for Amazon, Crate & Barrel and others, and what's been purchased, it's clear that he's either having a huge wedding (unlikely because it's in Hawaii) or fans have jumped back on his registry.

https://registry.theknot.com/alexa-jenkins-kyle-guy-july-2019-hi/23573211

Goldielocks

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #64 on: July 23, 2019, 12:48:41 PM »
A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.

So the wedding hasn't happened yet?  And people are already judging the gift in total?  If those "people" are the couple, I'd be reconsidering some things.

This was years ago, but yes, we were judged by idiots.

More recently, some relatives are getting married and doing a no-kids wedding at a venue I can't get to at that time. The bride and her siblings were at my wedding as kids, but that's how I wanted my wedding - at a fancy venue, and with kids. [*couch couch, I didn't pay for it]

When I heard they were paying for it themselves, I handed the couple $500 and let them know I'll hate to miss it, but it looks like I'll have to.

Honestly, I won't be missed by these family member, and my not showing up is a help to the young couple.

Years ago, for my (now) SIL's wedding gift I bought a bedspread (I think it was $120 or more, and we also gave $100 cash) from a trendy store.  My Mother in law saw it the week before, when I showed it to her (I was young!  Stupid me), and told me that SIL would not like it. Even now, I think SIL would have liked it just fine (it was neutral) and it was not MIL's taste, but...  So I gave it to my nephew for Christmas instead and did not increase the cash portion of the gift to SIL. 

People judging gifts (even gifts not intended for them) just results in less gifts given.   Man, if someone ever complained about a gift I gave or there were rumours, I would cheefully offer to take it back for them, cheefully accept it and not return with something else or more cash.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #65 on: July 24, 2019, 10:44:45 PM »
A friend was getting married and I saw that there were tea towels and fondue forks that no one bought, so I bought both. Through the grapevine, I found out that people were saying I was cheap.

Uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhh (1) it was on the registry, so you're welcome, and (2) the real gift is the check I give you at your wedding.

So the wedding hasn't happened yet?  And people are already judging the gift in total?  If those "people" are the couple, I'd be reconsidering some things.

This was years ago, but yes, we were judged by idiots.

More recently, some relatives are getting married and doing a no-kids wedding at a venue I can't get to at that time. The bride and her siblings were at my wedding as kids, but that's how I wanted my wedding - at a fancy venue, and with kids. [*couch couch, I didn't pay for it]

When I heard they were paying for it themselves, I handed the couple $500 and let them know I'll hate to miss it, but it looks like I'll have to.

Honestly, I won't be missed by these family member, and my not showing up is a help to the young couple.

Years ago, for my (now) SIL's wedding gift I bought a bedspread (I think it was $120 or more, and we also gave $100 cash) from a trendy store.  My Mother in law saw it the week before, when I showed it to her (I was young!  Stupid me), and told me that SIL would not like it. Even now, I think SIL would have liked it just fine (it was neutral) and it was not MIL's taste, but...  So I gave it to my nephew for Christmas instead and did not increase the cash portion of the gift to SIL. 

People judging gifts (even gifts not intended for them) just results in less gifts given.   Man, if someone ever complained about a gift I gave or there were rumours, I would cheefully offer to take it back for them, cheefully accept it and not return with something else or more cash.

... and never bother them in the future with a similar gift.

br89

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #66 on: July 26, 2019, 10:24:55 AM »
I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.).  Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #67 on: July 26, 2019, 10:33:58 AM »
I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.).  Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh

Def. Also, your mom may be thinking I gave and gave, and now my child gets some of it back. I've heard it said that you will be given a lot of gifts at your wedding, and will slowly pay them back over 20-30 years.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #68 on: July 26, 2019, 01:19:01 PM »
I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.).  Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh

Def. Also, your mom may be thinking I gave and gave, and now my child gets some of it back. I've heard it said that you will be given a lot of gifts at your wedding, and will slowly pay them back over 20-30 years.

Or, pay them forward to the next generation. I think that's how the theory goes. In practice, the people who get the most gifts are often the ones who end up *not* acknowledging other people's milestones.

Just Joe

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #69 on: July 26, 2019, 03:33:43 PM »
I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.).  Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh

We went through demands by our elders. Tacky was a word used. People's expectations was another. We encouraged not to register for ordinary home things b/c we were told that people expected to buy formal gifts.

You do you. Maybe ponder your elder's guidance but times change. My elders were all about special clothes, silver and porcelain, and long white gloves up to the ladys' elbows, etc etc.

We didn't need or want those things. Looking back we should gently stood our ground better.

Goldielocks

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #70 on: July 27, 2019, 02:43:42 PM »
Sometimes you can shift the "traditionalists" towards furniture on a registry.

marcela

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #71 on: July 29, 2019, 08:28:09 AM »
Does anyone really want to receive an invitation to / attend another personís wedding? Be honest. I kind of think most people would rather do something else with their time and money. Not that they canít be happy for the couple and share the joy verbally and maybe look at some photos after the fact. But wedding ceremonies in whatever form are very intimate moments in peopleís lives. Or should be. Iím always rather embarrassed to be witnessing it.


I love weddings. I will happily go to everything single wedding I can. Getting dressed up, hanging out with old friends or family, breaking it down on the dance floor. I am here for ALL OF IT.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #72 on: July 29, 2019, 09:01:50 AM »
Does anyone really want to receive an invitation to / attend another personís wedding? Be honest. I kind of think most people would rather do something else with their time and money. Not that they canít be happy for the couple and share the joy verbally and maybe look at some photos after the fact. But wedding ceremonies in whatever form are very intimate moments in peopleís lives. Or should be. Iím always rather embarrassed to be witnessing it.


I love weddings. I will happily go to everything single wedding I can. Getting dressed up, hanging out with old friends or family, breaking it down on the dance floor. I am here for ALL OF IT.

I generally don't, but my wedding was very important to me, and about 180 people came and gave generously. Because of this, I have a debt to pay back/forward.

And so, I write checks in the range of $250-500, depending on the relationships, and how much they're parents have given to me and my kids.

A couple months back I was at a baby shower for a cousin who has been a snot, to put it kindly. But her parents never forget to send my kids $50 every birthday. On the bright side, it was a VERY GOOD shower, and by VERY GOOD, I mean there was a bottle of 12 year old scotch.

Pigeon

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #73 on: July 29, 2019, 09:20:23 AM »
Does anyone really want to receive an invitation to / attend another personís wedding? Be honest. I kind of think most people would rather do something else with their time and money. Not that they canít be happy for the couple and share the joy verbally and maybe look at some photos after the fact. But wedding ceremonies in whatever form are very intimate moments in peopleís lives. Or should be. Iím always rather embarrassed to be witnessing it.

I wouldn't attend anyone's destination wedding, but in general I like weddings.  I see them as a community and family celebration of two people joining, not as some painfully intimate thing.  Obviously the couple has their own very intimate moments, but the actual wedding is a celebration for the people in their community.

Goldielocks

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #74 on: August 07, 2019, 09:57:30 PM »
Does anyone really want to receive an invitation to / attend another personís wedding? Be honest. I kind of think most people would rather do something else with their time and money. Not that they canít be happy for the couple and share the joy verbally and maybe look at some photos after the fact. But wedding ceremonies in whatever form are very intimate moments in peopleís lives. Or should be. Iím always rather embarrassed to be witnessing it.
If your question is specific to the ceremony, not the reception, then I definitely am up for attending for people I know well.   The witnessing the rite in front of your community is very important to the act of marriage.  That is the important part.

I like a good meal and party, too!

partgypsy

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #75 on: August 08, 2019, 07:58:45 AM »
I love attending weddings of friends. It is a way to celebrate with them an important milestone in their lives. That said I don't generally attend weddings where I have to travel/fly to get there as I have limited annual leave and vacation funds.

iris lily

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #76 on: August 08, 2019, 08:26:20 AM »
I think a wedding registry where guests can share what they are gifting with other guests is a useful custom.  It helps prevent getting 6 microwaves instead of 6 different gifts.  I can see the use in that.

I think a wedding registry where the couple tells people what they want is disgusting.  I would be embarrassed beyond belief if my fiancť were to do something like that.  If they had such a sense of entitlement to other people's money that they put forward that list for others to see, I think I call off the wedding.   That's how much it disgusts me.

It seems like our cultural and commercial systems are set up for the latter, even if your intention is to provide your guests with the former. Is that not the case? How are you handling this question?

(As for the OP... perhaps she felt obligated to provide her guests with many options? Surely she does not actually expect or want three different knife sets? Surely???)

How did we handle it?   We invited people to our wedding without any expectation of gifts from anyone.    And we said thank you for everything we received.   That's the sum total of what we did to handle it.

Agreed. I wouldn't waste my life energy listing all that crap on a store registry.

But as to the OP, Because I love my rice cooker and I think itís a wonderful invention, I might just pony up to buy a rice cooker for someone. But my own rice cooker was closer to $45. And the instapot I have at our weekend house was $12.00 at the thrift store.
« Last Edit: August 08, 2019, 08:28:04 AM by iris lily »

Villanelle

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #77 on: August 12, 2019, 12:23:21 PM »
I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.).  Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh

I think the reason lots of people think honeymoon registries are tacky is because most (all?) are kind of a sham.  If I click on the button to pay $250 for a day of scuba diving, most just give the couple $250 in cash.  So it feels somewhat akin to registering for a bunch of housewares with the intent to just return them for cash.  And I think some people, especially older people, like to imagine a BIFL gift that you will look at 20 years from now and think, "ah, aunt Susie gave us that lovely cut crystal vase"!

You might consider a charity registry, if that would appease both your mom and your minimalism.  Or a charity registry along with a modest "traditional" registry, so that the sticklers in the bunch can at least get you something that might be useful (new towels to replace the fraying ones, a nice picture frame that is actually your taste and can hold a wedding photo, even if it it's way more than you'd usually spend on a frame, etc.). 

minimustache1985

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #78 on: August 15, 2019, 07:06:47 PM »
I think it's a generational thing. My mom is DEMANDING that we have a registry, but fiance and I have lived together for 5 years and already have everything we need. I'd rather have no registry, but my mom doesn't want to field all of our relatives' inevitable phone calls asking what we want, so I suggested making a registry to fund our honeymoon (allowing guests to pay for a dinner, part of an activity, part of our flights, etc.).  Mom is adamant that that's "tacky." I don't understand how that's any less tacky than asking for completely unnecessary home goods? Sighhhhh

I think the reason lots of people think honeymoon registries are tacky is because most (all?) are kind of a sham.  If I click on the button to pay $250 for a day of scuba diving, most just give the couple $250 in cash.  So it feels somewhat akin to registering for a bunch of housewares with the intent to just return them for cash.  And I think some people, especially older people, like to imagine a BIFL gift that you will look at 20 years from now and think, "ah, aunt Susie gave us that lovely cut crystal vase"!

You might consider a charity registry, if that would appease both your mom and your minimalism.  Or a charity registry along with a modest "traditional" registry, so that the sticklers in the bunch can at least get you something that might be useful (new towels to replace the fraying ones, a nice picture frame that is actually your taste and can hold a wedding photo, even if it it's way more than you'd usually spend on a frame, etc.).
Agreed- and if someone pays for a dolphin experience theyíre going to expect you use it for that, but if you donít get enough for flights and stuff the extras like excursions may get cut.  Itís literally asking for cash, which everyone already knows is a good gift.  Plus a check or cash goes 100% to you, where a honeymoon registry takes a cut.

For couples who donít need much I would recommend a small registry of things youíd like but donít have yet or would like to upgrade from college-ware to high quality long lasting items.  That satisfies the people who insist on giving a physical gift and would otherwise show up with a crystal vase youíll never use, and most people are smart enough to realize if you donít need much that cash would be best.  I just was in a wedding where the couple did this and they mostly got cards with checks in them.

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #79 on: August 15, 2019, 08:05:17 PM »
Mom:  You MUST have a registry.
Me: But we don't need anything.
Mom:  What about china?
Me: Oooh, We'd love to go!
Mom: ...

br89

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #80 on: September 01, 2019, 08:07:44 PM »

You might consider a charity registry, if that would appease both your mom and your minimalism.  Or a charity registry along with a modest "traditional" registry, so that the sticklers in the bunch can at least get you something that might be useful (new towels to replace the fraying ones, a nice picture frame that is actually your taste and can hold a wedding photo, even if it it's way more than you'd usually spend on a frame, etc.).

Thanks! We'll probably do this. It even got mom's approval lol

saguaro

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Re: Wedding Registry
« Reply #81 on: September 03, 2019, 08:34:52 AM »
My ex-wife and I were completing college and moving from one state to another.  We had a wedding registry and very little to our name.  But it was a simple one for starting our new lives together.  Towels, sheets, blankets, toaster, cookware, silverware, etc.  We were thankful to our friends and relatives.

Yep, this was us.  Both of us had recently graduated college and had nothing.   So basic household items, linens is what was on the list.