Author Topic: Grow up  (Read 23694 times)

Cujo

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Grow up
« on: September 10, 2013, 09:04:50 AM »
A neighbor, talking to a group of people, about her sister and sister's husband (who are around 30 years old), who don't own a car and bike or take the subway everywhere. "They should grow up and buy a car already!"

The conversation ground to a screeching halt when I said I envied them and wished I could live without a car.

ChiStache

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2013, 09:50:59 AM »
Great story. I imagine people have said similar things about my husband and me (we are in our thirties and ride bikes to get around). So, I appreciate you sticking up for them! Like a lot of folks on this forum have cautioned, I try to be careful about criticizing consumerism, because it threatens people. But, if folks are living their lives simply and bucking mainstream consumer culture, I wont hesitate to say something positive about it.

Peanut Butter

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2013, 10:40:13 PM »
I'm a Gen-Y er, and I get older people telling me I need to "stop being so lazy" and get a car instead of riding my bicycle.

Yeah, I don't get it either. Must be a boomer thing.

Osprey

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2013, 01:24:41 AM »
Yeah, I've noticed that older and more religious people often see (car ownership + mortgage + marriage with kids) as a point of entry to adulthood. Like if you don't have all that then you are just messing around, going through a phase, or failing to contribute to society. Maybe it's a matter of differing values.

galaxie

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2013, 06:33:19 AM »
Huh!  I am surprised by those attitudes.  My mom envies me being able to take the bus to work, and wishes she could do it too. 

chardog

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2013, 02:44:11 PM »
"stop being so lazy" and get a car instead of riding my bicycle.

Oh, the irony. :)

chardog

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2013, 02:45:36 PM »
Yeah, I've noticed that older and more religious people often see (car ownership + mortgage + marriage with kids) as a point of entry to adulthood. Like if you don't have all that then you are just messing around, going through a phase, or failing to contribute to society. Maybe it's a matter of differing values.

Yes, and you don't get to sit at the adult table at Thanksgiving until (car ownership + mortgage + marriage with kids)

lifejoy

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2013, 05:33:43 PM »
LOL adult table! Everyone knows the adult table is boring, anyways ;)

pachnik

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #8 on: September 15, 2013, 05:49:12 PM »
Well, I am still at the kids' table due to no mortgage and no marriage with kids.  LOL

I guess for some people there is just no room for anything other than car, mortgage, marriage, kids (and in that order :). 
« Last Edit: September 15, 2013, 08:25:53 PM by pachnik »

odput

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #9 on: September 16, 2013, 10:41:16 AM »
I need to "stop being so lazy" and get a car instead of riding my bicycle.

Mind Blown.

How were the people making this statement able to survive for so many years?

aclarridge

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2013, 12:16:41 PM »
I'm a Gen-Y er, and I get older people telling me I need to "stop being so lazy" and get a car instead of riding my bicycle.

Yeah, I don't get it either. Must be a boomer thing.

My guess is that they think because you ride a bike, you must not be able to afford a car. Therefore you should work harder (stop being so lazy) to earn more money so you can buy a car. Because of course, if you can afford a luxury, you should buy it immediately.

No car here :)

HappierAtHome

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #11 on: September 17, 2013, 06:14:38 AM »
I've been told that I'm not an adult because I live in a flat because of a house.

LalsConstant

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #12 on: September 17, 2013, 06:21:10 AM »
To me anyone who has adult responsibility is an adult.  I suspect however most people think of adults as people who service debt like that is the societal and/or individual role an 'adult' plays.

Given that most people are debtors this makes sense.  It is not the culture we should have but it is what it is.

The trick is to learn to disassociate "normal" from "good".

kt

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #13 on: September 17, 2013, 06:46:06 AM »
i ought to stop referring to and thinking of myself as a non-adult.  it's partially a defence of the fact i don't have a car, share a rented house, don't even have a normal job (self-employed), it goes on! Part of me does think that a proper adult owns a house, has a 'proper' job, runs a car and all those other things. Even though I know this is rubbish and I deliberately thought about all those assumptions before leaving uni (and setting up my non-student adult life).

Adventine

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #14 on: September 17, 2013, 08:16:29 AM »
The trick is to learn to disassociate "normal" from "good".

Precisely. Too many people confuse the two.

Peanut Butter

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #15 on: September 18, 2013, 06:38:00 AM »
I'm a Gen-Y er, and I get older people telling me I need to "stop being so lazy" and get a car instead of riding my bicycle.

Yeah, I don't get it either. Must be a boomer thing.

My guess is that they think because you ride a bike, you must not be able to afford a car. Therefore you should work harder (stop being so lazy) to earn more money so you can buy a car. Because of course, if you can afford a luxury, you should buy it immediately.

No car here :)

What's really funny is that I do own a car (it's at my folks' property, because I can't be bothered with insurance/gas/etc) and I work more hours/week at physically demanding jobs than the people who are saying this to me.

Half-Borg

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #16 on: September 18, 2013, 07:15:17 AM »
You own a car and store it someplace? Are you crazy? Sell it already!

randymarsh

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #17 on: September 18, 2013, 07:33:34 AM »
People think I'm insane when I mention that not driving was a great aspect of my study abroad trip. It was awesome. I could go grocery shopping, bar hopping, even to the airport with just a short walk/metro ride/bus ride.

They just kind of nod and say "Oh" as if walking is some sort of horrible European punishment.

Related: some older married friends of mine are already planning to buy an SUV for their family and they're not even pregnant yet. He drives a huge unnecessary truck and she drives a sporty 2 door. Call me crazy, but I think you should keep your coupe even with a fictional infant since it's not even paid off...

I guess getting older means buying a bigger vehicle you don't need!

Half-Borg

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #18 on: September 18, 2013, 07:45:17 AM »
Of course you can never ever buy a car cheaper than the previous one.
It has to be larger, but maintain the same speed, so you need a bigger engine. You also need the same amount of driver assistance, since you forget how to drive.
At a certain age you also need to have a premium car or the neighbours start talking. Premium means Audi, BMW, Mercedes around here.
If you are very frugala nd you want to state that your car is more a tool than a nice thing, you might buy a Volkswagen.

At a certain age, the company should pay for your car or your career is a major failure. The car has to be taxed, but that's a minor amount, which doesn't really matter (300-600/month).

That was a mashup of things several people that on different occasions.

Peanut Butter

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #19 on: September 18, 2013, 09:56:30 AM »
You own a car and store it someplace? Are you crazy? Sell it already!

Do you know anyone who wants to buy a high milage 1994 Nissan Sentra Sedan with the rear driver side window broken out and paint damage for $900/obo?

I've had it up on craigslist a few times, never got any serious bites. It's the same car I bought with my own money in high school.

dragoncar

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #20 on: September 18, 2013, 10:04:29 AM »
You own a car and store it someplace? Are you crazy? Sell it already!

Do you know anyone who wants to buy a high milage 1994 Nissan Sentra Sedan with the rear driver side window broken out and paint damage for $900/obo?

I've had it up on craigslist a few times, never got any serious bites. It's the same car I bought with my own money in high school.

Haha do your parents drive it at least?  My dad used to haul all kinda of nasty stuff he found on the side of the road ("free" wood, dirt, recycling, etc.) in my HS beater which had at least 350k miles before the odo broke and was later towed away because he left it on the agree too long (cheaper to just forget it than to pay the towing storage fees).

Anyways, is it mechanically reliable or does it need a lot of work?

Peanut Butter

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #21 on: September 18, 2013, 01:06:09 PM »
My folks start it up occasionally, and my stepdad sometimes drives it into the little town 5 miles away. I'd keep it if I could find a per-mile car insurance that takes cars that old, but 1995 is the lowest year I've seen available.

It's pretty reliable, but there's some electrical drain somewhere in the system, so the battery will die if it's idle for more than 3-5 days. I put one of those $5 battery cut off switches they use in car shows and it's worked great. The trunk release lever is also broken, but I view that as a security feature, not a bug. :) When I had it parked by my apartment (in a high crime area) I could leave my valuable stuff in the trunk and leave the doors unlocked. Whoever broke out the rear window didn't check the doors apparently. And they left a bunch of loose change scattered all over, and only took a bag of expired equine medication and a livestock rectal thermometer.

Mississippi Mudstache

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #22 on: September 18, 2013, 02:51:53 PM »
You own a car and store it someplace? Are you crazy? Sell it already!

Do you know anyone who wants to buy a high milage 1994 Nissan Sentra Sedan with the rear driver side window broken out and paint damage for $900/obo?

I've had it up on craigslist a few times, never got any serious bites. It's the same car I bought with my own money in high school.

I had a 2000 Ford Ranger a couple years ago. When the engine blew, the repair bill was going to be more than the truck was worth, so I scrapped it. I got $650, and they came and picked it up. Might be an option in your area. I also made about $150 extra by taking out some of the easy-to-pull parts and selling them on eBay.

brewer12345

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #23 on: September 18, 2013, 02:59:12 PM »
only took a bag of expired equine medication and a livestock rectal thermometer.

Holy cow.  I bet they had a big, old party with that stuff...

Peanut Butter

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #24 on: September 18, 2013, 11:41:50 PM »
only took a bag of expired equine medication and a livestock rectal thermometer.

Holy cow.  I bet they had a big, old party with that stuff...

Ivermectin (wormer): the new party drug craze! Now in apple flavor!

The main thing that peeved me off was that I left the car unlocked all the time so people WOULDN'T break windows! Grrr.

Half-Borg

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #25 on: September 19, 2013, 01:21:11 AM »
seems like you should leave the door open, too

marz1982

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #26 on: September 19, 2013, 03:47:16 AM »
Of course you can never ever buy a car cheaper than the previous one.

Ha, we went from 2 old cars (1990 Toyota Corolla) to a 2007 Mercedes Benz with a small car loan (low end range though).  That was pre-mustachian days, and we were following the normal trend!  It was a damn expensive lesson to learn.  We now have a 2006 Ford Focus hatchback.

People still are amazed at how we can share a car between the two of us!  Uh, it's very easy...

prosaic

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #27 on: September 19, 2013, 07:29:56 AM »
We just sold a 2009 Honda Odyssey (LOADED) and paid off a bunch of debt in July. Yesterday we bought a 2003 Mazda MPV with 120K+ miles and paid cash. Our friends and family are going to think we're CRAZY. But that's ok. The piece of mind as we sort through finances and make smarter long-term decisions that give us more stability and freedom is worth being considered a bit nuts.

And that's what being an adult means to me: making calm, grounded decisions regardless of what other people think.

Hunny156

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #28 on: September 19, 2013, 11:55:32 AM »
Of course you can never ever buy a car cheaper than the previous one.

Ha, we went from 2 old cars (1990 Toyota Corolla) to a 2007 Mercedes Benz with a small car loan (low end range though).  That was pre-mustachian days, and we were following the normal trend!  It was a damn expensive lesson to learn.  We now have a 2006 Ford Focus hatchback.

People still are amazed at how we can share a car between the two of us!  Uh, it's very easy...

When I bought my '06 Prius new, friends told me I'd never be able to buy a used car again!  It was totaled last year, and I picked up an '09 Civic and pocketed $1K of the insurance money instead.  Apparently you can go back to used!!

Hubby has an '01 Accord in super mint condition and a '66 Cutlass "toy car".  Yeah, I know, we aren't very mustachian in this category, but all vehicles were purchased and paid in cash, no financing.  One of our neighbors knows this, and can't reconcile why we don't want two brand new SUV's in the driveway every 2 years.  He even once suggested we could sell all our cars and buy one brand new one!  I smiled and changed the subject.

Our current home is too big for our needs and w/property values skyrocketing, we can sell this one and build a new, smaller one 10 miles north of where we live.  The proceeds of the big house will be just enough to pay for the new home and have a mortgage burning party.  :)  We mentioned this to our (older) next-door neighbor last night, and he gave us that shocked look about adjusting to the size of the house, followed by that wise look where he informed us that at some point, we'll move into another house and have a mortgage again.  Sorry, but that will never happen!

Self-employed-swami

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #29 on: September 19, 2013, 01:45:34 PM »
only took a bag of expired equine medication and a livestock rectal thermometer.

Holy cow.  I bet they had a big, old party with that stuff...

Ivermectin (wormer): the new party drug craze! Now in apple flavor!

The main thing that peeved me off was that I left the car unlocked all the time so people WOULDN'T break windows! Grrr.

So classic!  I'm sorry they broke your windows for that though :(

Wildflame

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #30 on: September 20, 2013, 03:32:08 AM »

Before my husband and I moved to NYC, we shared a single car. He'd drop me off at work in the morning and pick me up after. Sometimes I ended up having to wait in my building's lobby for a little while, but it wasn't that bad. I was peeved when my employer brought up in my review that she was concerned how we'd manage in the winter.

This makes me angry, too. I can understand needing a licence and vehicle if you are a tradesperson working on different job sites, but if you are working in a building with a lobby, I assume that does not apply here. If your desk doesn't migrate, why on earth would your employer care how you get to work? Surely it's the employee's responsibility to get to work, and how they do it is none of the employer's business!

Hunny156

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #31 on: September 20, 2013, 01:31:00 PM »

Before my husband and I moved to NYC, we shared a single car. He'd drop me off at work in the morning and pick me up after. Sometimes I ended up having to wait in my building's lobby for a little while, but it wasn't that bad. I was peeved when my employer brought up in my review that she was concerned how we'd manage in the winter.

This makes me angry, too. I can understand needing a licence and vehicle if you are a tradesperson working on different job sites, but if you are working in a building with a lobby, I assume that does not apply here. If your desk doesn't migrate, why on earth would your employer care how you get to work? Surely it's the employee's responsibility to get to work, and how they do it is none of the employer's business!

What a bunch of BS, that should never have been brought up in a review!  I used to live in the Hudson Valley and was the top choice for a 6 figure paycheck in a Greenwich, CT hedge fund.  My final interview was w/one of the partners, who had just had a baby.  He lived about a 30 minute drive up on the Merrick Pkwy, and due to rush hour traffic, he was getting home just as the baby was going to sleep.  HIS issue became MY problem, b/c he felt my commute was too long.  (It was, but I had been doing it for years and was willing to do it, so what's the problem?)  At the end of the interview, it was pretty clear he couldn't get over his issue, and I called him on it.  He admitted that yes, I wasn't going to get the job b/c of my address!  After that, I began using my mother's address on my resume, and telling people I lived there on the weekdays, and went to my Hudson Valley home on the weekends. 

So glad I don't have to deal w/that bull anymore...

Half-Borg

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #32 on: September 20, 2013, 06:44:23 PM »
If the weather is so bad, that it is not safe for your husband to get you, how would your own car help you in any way?

oldtoyota

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #33 on: September 20, 2013, 06:50:08 PM »
I'm a Gen-Y er, and I get older people telling me I need to "stop being so lazy" and get a car instead of riding my bicycle.

Yeah, I don't get it either. Must be a boomer thing.

I keep reading articles that say Millennials are not buying cars. Sounds great to me.

pachnik

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #34 on: September 20, 2013, 08:21:29 PM »
Yes, I know a few people in that age group (kids of my friends) and a lot of them don't even drive.  I just always think of how much money they will save over the decades!  I think it is great.

Nancy

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #35 on: September 21, 2013, 07:40:55 AM »
I had a similar experience where an acquaintance was talking about a man she was dating. To describe why she didn't think she'd be dating him anymore, she said that he was a grown man (40s), and he didn't even own a car. He took the bus/train/or walked everywhere. She couldn't understand why he did this since he had a stable well paying job. I automatically said That's awesome! Good for him. Hopefully I can be that badass someday. She just stared at me blankly for three beats

dragoncar

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #36 on: September 22, 2013, 03:21:55 PM »
Yes, I know a few people in that age group (kids of my friends) and a lot of them don't even drive.  I just always think of how much money they will save over the decades!  I think it is great.

Sadly I know a lot of people in this group who think nothing of taking a $10 minimum uber ride wherever they go (uber is like a taxi for millennials)

TrulyStashin

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #37 on: September 24, 2013, 06:07:00 AM »
I had a similar experience where an acquaintance was talking about a man she was dating. To describe why she didn't think she'd be dating him anymore, she said that he was a grown man (40s), and he didn't even own a car. He took the bus/train/or walked everywhere. She couldn't understand why he did this since he had a stable well paying job. I automatically said That's awesome! Good for him. Hopefully I can be that badass someday. She just stared at me blankly for three beats

She should do him a favor and break up with him.  Somewhere out there is a woman who is walking to work............

Adventine

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #38 on: September 24, 2013, 06:18:51 AM »
I had a similar experience where an acquaintance was talking about a man she was dating. To describe why she didn't think she'd be dating him anymore, she said that he was a grown man (40s), and he didn't even own a car. He took the bus/train/or walked everywhere. She couldn't understand why he did this since he had a stable well paying job. I automatically said That's awesome! Good for him. Hopefully I can be that badass someday. She just stared at me blankly for three beats

She should do him a favor and break up with him.  Somewhere out there is a woman who is walking to work............

Exactly!

ichangedmyname

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #39 on: September 29, 2013, 02:15:19 PM »
I was telling a coworker that I plan to buy a bike and learn how to ride it next Spring and she said, "You are a grown up. Buy a car. Kids ride bikes." It reminded me of this thread :)

Peanut Butter

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #40 on: November 21, 2013, 06:02:38 AM »
You own a car and store it someplace? Are you crazy? Sell it already!

Car has finally been sold! And I managed to get $975 for it without having to fix the rear window! Refund check from the insurance co should be arriving next week. :)

Half-Borg

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #41 on: November 21, 2013, 06:31:08 AM »
You're former car now earns you 4$ a month, instead of costing money (assuminung 7% return on stocks). Nice work ;)

MoneyCat

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #42 on: November 21, 2013, 08:56:54 AM »
My wife is financially comfortable, but she drives an '03 VW Beetle that she got when she graduated high school.  Ten years later is has only 60,000 miles on it and that includes several drives halfway across the country.  Sometimes people tell her she should get a new car and she says "Why?"  The car works just fine and it meets her needs.

imbros

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #43 on: November 21, 2013, 11:09:29 AM »
I had a similar experience where an acquaintance was talking about a man she was dating. To describe why she didn't think she'd be dating him anymore, she said that he was a grown man (40s), and he didn't even own a car. He took the bus/train/or walked everywhere. She couldn't understand why he did this since he had a stable well paying job. I automatically said That's awesome! Good for him. Hopefully I can be that badass someday. She just stared at me blankly for three beats

You know, I am that man's early 30s version. I live 4 blocks from my office, thus no car. I have been doing some dating lately and I am yet to figure out the impact of telling girls that I don't have a car. I am sure eventually I will come across a girl who will not get it.

Peanut Butter

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #44 on: November 21, 2013, 02:31:58 PM »
You're former car now earns you 4$ a month, instead of costing money (assuminung 7% return on stocks). Nice work ;)

It's not earning me much money yet - I want to get a Vanguard Roth IRA, but they require $5000 to open one, so it's in a (so-called) high interest savings account where I'm building up to that amount of money so I can open one hopefully next year.

Russ

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #45 on: November 21, 2013, 03:09:31 PM »
You're former car now earns you 4$ a month, instead of costing money (assuminung 7% return on stocks). Nice work ;)

It's not earning me much money yet - I want to get a Vanguard Roth IRA, but they require $5000 to open one, so it's in a (so-called) high interest savings account where I'm building up to that amount of money so I can open one hopefully next year.

I definitely opened mine with $3000, and that was just two months ago. I think all you need is the minimum for the fund you choose, and there are plenty under $5k

Peanut Butter

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #46 on: November 21, 2013, 05:05:51 PM »
I'll have to check it out again - I'm still not at $3k available to plow into a Roth IRA, but that's a lot closer than $5k.

the fixer

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #47 on: November 21, 2013, 05:14:40 PM »
Correct, you can open the account with very little, maybe as low as $1000 (that will severely limit your fund choices but it should be possible)

garg33

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #48 on: November 21, 2013, 05:34:20 PM »
The Vanguard Target Retirement funds all have a minimum of just $1k. Of course you should modify the "target date" you choose according to how early you're planning to retire.

rockstache

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Re: Grow up
« Reply #49 on: November 22, 2013, 08:17:07 AM »
The Vanguard Target Retirement funds all have a minimum of just $1k. Of course you should modify the "target date" you choose according to how early you're planning to retire.

Yeah, that is how I started my account and I am saving up to roll it all into another fund once I hit the minimum for that fund.