Author Topic: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent  (Read 9937 times)

js82

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #50 on: January 25, 2020, 05:41:06 AM »
TL;DR version... if you're being judged, hired, and promoted based solely on the quality of your work, then either you're in a union shop where everything runs based on seniority, or something about you or your circumstances has put you in a privileged position such that the normal rules don't apply to you.

I largely agree with you that social engineering dominates the promotion process in many/most companies - but from my observations the social engineering aspect of advancement isn't about donations to baby showers, it takes the form of building alliances with the right person(s) - often bonding over something non-work related that the individuals have in common(it usually *DOES* involve selecting the right social events to attend, to get face time with the right people).  Ultimately it's not about being liked by everyone, it's usually about having 1-3 allies in the right place(s) and having some baseline level of respect with the rest of the organization.  Some of the people I've seen climb organizations the fastest have been competent - but not wildly beyond their peers, mostly respected - but definitely not loved by everyone.  The common thread was generally that these individuals had a very specific person in the right position of influence *pulling* them up the corporate ladder, rather than climbing through the normal promotion process where they were objectively considered alongside their peers based solely upon an individual's merits.

I know for a fact that the one attorney who refused to contribute to these types of events lost an excellent secretary over this.  This secretary was incredibly smart, efficient, capable, cheerful, hard-working, you name it, the tops.  She was diagnosed with cancer, and we took up a monetary collection to help her out while she was out on FMLA leave.  I donated (don't remember how much, less than $100?), and her own boss didn't, saying she could just call him if she needed anything.  Of course, she wasn't going to call him and ask him for money while fighting the effects of cancer and chemo, and she felt hurt by his refusal to participate.  By the way, numbers were not disclosed--if he had given $5, she would only have been told that he gave something.  When she recovered, she quit our firm and went to another firm, where she does excellent work to this day.

At my kids' school, I'm constantly being hit up for $5 or $10 or $15 for some teacher's birthday or school event (hello costume for multicultural day that will end up in a landfill) of questionable value.  But I am often the first one to venmo the amount to the room parent in charge of collections.  This is the cost of being part of a community. 

And sometimes it's the cost of a great secretary.

I draw a huge distinction between supporting a colleague(particularly one who works directly *for you*) when something truly awful happens and they need help, versus a planned life event.  When coworkers have had serious illnesses, I've happily donated substantial gifts.

I also draw a distinction when it comes to "community".  I work in a semi-large office - not enormous, but probably 100-150 people in the building on a typical day.  Similiar to how in the physical community of a neighborhood you don't invite 100+ neighbors to a baby shower, I don't think expecting 100+ colleagues in an office(some of whom you barely know) to each chip in $10-20 is reasonable.  Once an office gets beyond a certain size, expecting the entire building to donate becomes utterly unreasonable.  If you're in a small office with 15-20 people where everyone knows each other very well it's a different matter, but as organizations get larger you need to set boundaries somewhere.  If someone is A) someone I consider a friend, or B) within my work group that I interact with regularly then I have no issue with it.  If it's someone on the opposite side of the building that I nod at as we pass in the hallway but otherwise rarely interact with I don't feel any obligation.

Villanelle

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #51 on: January 25, 2020, 10:04:03 AM »
I keep getting hit up for money at work and I find it so bothersome and annoying. This typically happens in two scenarios:

-work baby shower (around 2 per year) someone asking for contributions to buy gifts

This is solved by working for an engineering company where the average person is a 55+ year old dude. No baby showers here.. More worried about funerals coming up


Trouble is, if you work for an organization full of 55+ year old dudes but you aren't one yourself, you're never going to get a raise, a promotion, acknowledgement for your work, credit for your work, or an opportunity to get through an entire sentence in meetings uninterrupted. No matter what you do, it will be wrong stylistically. Did you speak up? You talk too much and you're too pushy. Did you bite your tongue? You're too passive and possibly complicit in whatever someone else did. Your solution space will be zero.

Frankly, I'd rather have the gift grabs.

But you'd save $40.  FOURTY DOLLARS!!!11!!1!

mm1970

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #52 on: January 27, 2020, 10:19:06 AM »
I keep getting hit up for money at work and I find it so bothersome and annoying. This typically happens in two scenarios:

-work baby shower (around 2 per year) someone asking for contributions to buy gifts

This is solved by working for an engineering company where the average person is a 55+ year old dude. No baby showers here.. More worried about funerals coming up

Trouble is, if you work for an organization full of 55+ year old dudes but you aren't one yourself, you're never going to get a raise, a promotion, acknowledgement for your work, credit for your work, or an opportunity to get through an entire sentence in meetings uninterrupted. No matter what you do, it will be wrong stylistically. Did you speak up? You talk too much and you're too pushy. Did you bite your tongue? You're too passive and possibly complicit in whatever someone else did. Your solution space will be zero.

Frankly, I'd rather have the gift grabs.
Sigh, this is my world.  Every. Damn. Minute.

Cassie

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #53 on: January 27, 2020, 01:01:18 PM »
I worked for the state and everything was handled just as Ness described the feds do and it worked great.

Master of None

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #54 on: January 29, 2020, 11:52:26 AM »
I keep getting hit up for money at work and I find it so bothersome and annoying. This typically happens in two scenarios:

-work baby shower (around 2 per year) someone asking for contributions to buy gifts

This is solved by working for an engineering company where the average person is a 55+ year old dude. No baby showers here.. More worried about funerals coming up

Trouble is, if you work for an organization full of 55+ year old dudes but you aren't one yourself, you're never going to get a raise, a promotion, acknowledgement for your work, credit for your work, or an opportunity to get through an entire sentence in meetings uninterrupted. No matter what you do, it will be wrong stylistically. Did you speak up? You talk too much and you're too pushy. Did you bite your tongue? You're too passive and possibly complicit in whatever someone else did. Your solution space will be zero.

Frankly, I'd rather have the gift grabs.
Sigh, this is my world.  Every. Damn. Minute.

I get this treatment as well, except that I work in an industry/company that is dominated by female employees. I'm a male. I'm wondering if its more of a problem of being the "other" in the scenario. Regardless it's extremely frustrating and has me looking forward to FIRE.

horsepoor

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #55 on: January 29, 2020, 06:57:13 PM »
One of the costs of living in a society. The requests that really annoy me are the leave donation requests.  Someone has a FMLA problem and because they’ve either exhausted, don’t have, or don’t want to use an emergency fund, a mass email goes out asking for us to give up our leave hours.

I mean it sucks to be them, but I want my vacation time.

I've donated leave on 2 occasions:

1.  Woman adopted two boys as a single parent, which required using significant leave.  She was diagnosed with late-stage cancer within about a year, and then passed.

2.  Woman lost her legs, and has recurring, horrible health problems as a result of a drunk driver when she was a tween. 

I'm sure some of the other requests that come through have similarly terrible circumstances, but I don't have personal knowledge and hope that the people who do, will help them.

jeff191

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #56 on: January 30, 2020, 11:05:43 AM »
In the US, unused vacation days are often payable if an employee leaves so they have to be kept on the books. Many companies do allow some rollover but limit it for that reason to maybe 3 or 5 days carried over each year. Some companies I've seen allow up to 8 weeks to accrue. You'll often see companies roll back their policies from say 8 weeks to 6 or 5 at which point no one shows up for work in December when they implement it.



Why not allow carry-overs instead? In my country we can save up PTO for a maximum of 5 years. That allows employees to plan ahead, if they know for example they want some time off after regular maternity/paternity leave or if they want to take that trip of a lifetime to Austrialia. That way no one has to donate and no committee has to be forced to judge those requests.
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Imma

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #57 on: February 01, 2020, 07:51:15 AM »
In the US, unused vacation days are often payable if an employee leaves so they have to be kept on the books. Many companies do allow some rollover but limit it for that reason to maybe 3 or 5 days carried over each year. Some companies I've seen allow up to 8 weeks to accrue. You'll often see companies roll back their policies from say 8 weeks to 6 or 5 at which point no one shows up for work in December when they implement it.



Why not allow carry-overs instead? In my country we can save up PTO for a maximum of 5 years. That allows employees to plan ahead, if they know for example they want some time off after regular maternity/paternity leave or if they want to take that trip of a lifetime to Austrialia. That way no one has to donate and no committee has to be forced to judge those requests.
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Yes, it's the same in my country, it remains on the books as a liability, but it's not an issue because all companies legally have to allow 5 years of rollover, so all companies have this liability and there's still a level playing field. Some companies allow a longer rollover period than 5 years, one of my coworkers saved up so much they were able to take a full year of PTO before retirement.

Slow2FIRE

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #58 on: February 02, 2020, 09:30:03 AM »
Hold on, you're complaining about a small sum of money several times a year for your coworkers?  Doesn't seem like that big of a deal. 

I fully expected something more like this scenario that happened to me at work:
One day a guy who used to be in my workgroup a few years back contacted me on messenger to say, "Hi".  I thought, isn't that nice.  He then proceeded to ask if I was busy and if he could call me up to chat.  Sure, no problem, I can take a 10 minute break from work to chat with someone.  30 seconds into the phone call he starts explaining about having some serious money trouble and wondering if I could lend him $5000.  No loans of any amount of money were made.  To me, that is "getting hit up for money at work"...needless to say, I don't ever talk to that guy anymore.

imadandylion

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #59 on: February 06, 2020, 11:50:17 AM »
Maybe think of it this way:

What if you're that coworker who wants to do something nice for someone, and you think other people might want to contribute? Maybe you and your coworkers all know that one person would really love a certain something, and it would make their day, but maybe you (or your coworkers) don't all have the means to spend a lot individually, even if you wanted to. A group gift is a good solution for that. It often turns out to be a pretty inexpensive way to make someone happy, depending on the cost of the gift and the number of contributors.

Also, consider that people quit other people, not jobs. People at work are like your second family in way, since you have to see them at least 8 hours a day every weekday, so why not try to be friendly and cultivate good relationships? A little goes a long way to create a happy work environment. The beauty of gifts is that they aren't necessary – you just do it because you think it'll help someone or that they'll be happier.

marty998

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #60 on: February 08, 2020, 04:36:15 PM »
Hold on, you're complaining about a small sum of money several times a year for your coworkers?  Doesn't seem like that big of a deal. 

I fully expected something more like this scenario that happened to me at work:
One day a guy who used to be in my workgroup a few years back contacted me on messenger to say, "Hi".  I thought, isn't that nice.  He then proceeded to ask if I was busy and if he could call me up to chat.  Sure, no problem, I can take a 10 minute break from work to chat with someone.  30 seconds into the phone call he starts explaining about having some serious money trouble and wondering if I could lend him $5000.  No loans of any amount of money were made.  To me, that is "getting hit up for money at work"...needless to say, I don't ever talk to that guy anymore.

Holy sheet that takes a lot of balls. Either he owes a casino a lot of money or is in desperate need for drugs fast.

talltexan

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Re: Getting hit up for money at work. Need to vent
« Reply #61 on: February 13, 2020, 09:28:53 AM »
Might be a car issue.