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Around the Internet => Antimustachian Wall of Shame and Comedy => Topic started by: Emg03063 on July 11, 2014, 08:39:21 PM

Title: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Emg03063 on July 11, 2014, 08:39:21 PM
For those who don't know, the onion is satire.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/friend-takes-liberty-of-ordering-40-worth-of-appet,36426/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:2:Default
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: AH013 on July 12, 2014, 02:21:33 PM
I know it's a satire, but I've actually had lunch with "Bradley McCray" many a time.  Usually "Bradley" orders seafood apps "for the table", knowing full well I don't eat seafood, tells me while he scarfs them done that I need to "get in on this" or "give it a try", and then wants to own reviewing the bill and telling us all what we owe. I usually have to remind Bradley I ordered my own app (or just ate the table bread), and he and the rest of the dude bros will have to split the $40 worth of tuna tartar, shrimp cocktails and raw oysters one less way.  Somehow I'm the asshole for not wanting to pay for food I never suggested, ordered or ate.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: CommonCents on July 14, 2014, 10:30:36 AM
My husband is always telling me that going to certain restaurants, you "must" adopt a policy of Mutually Assured Destruction.  We went out for a farewell dinner for a friend moving out of town at a tapas restaurant she suggested.  Unfortunately, the pescetarians immediately took over ordering for the table, ordering many dishes the other half of us didn't want.  Couldn't get them to back off on the number of those dishes, and ended up ordering insufficient dishes the other 4 of us would eat because we didn't want an insane bill, such that I left dinner still hungry.  At the end, one said she wouldn't have ordered this one larger entree dish if she had known we wouldn't eat it.  Wish I had a tape recording where we said we wouldn't eat it...  DH told me I should have just ordered more food, at least ensuring mutual destruction.  I told him that instead I was going to refuse to go to (expensive) family style share restaurants with certain folks.

Re apps, I just usually say, "I'm not going to eat it, but if you want it for yourself, go ahead."  That usually either gets them to either pick out something everyone will eat (if that's the issue, although I rarely eat apps), skip it, or order it for just themselves.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Joggernot on July 14, 2014, 11:40:54 AM
Yep, my favorite is that a couple of us don't drink, but are expected to go out with people/friends to restaurants with bars.  The rest order several drinks and big meals and the have the gall to say everyone has to pay $38 (example only) plus tip.  I have in the past refused to do this, and have given the amount to cover what I ate and drank plus tip.  This position has actually gotten me out of several subsequent binges.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Cpa Cat on July 14, 2014, 11:49:30 AM
I honestly didn't realize that people did this. I have never been out to a dinner where someone ordered appetizers for the table if they weren't picking up the bill. It seems very rude and presumptuous. My husband doesn't even order for me without consulting me first!
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: MgoSam on July 14, 2014, 11:51:01 AM
Yeah, my mom has mentioned that when she goes out with her friends, if one person orders a drink then everyone will because they always split the bill. For me, I don't see what the issue is as generally when I go out with friends, we all just get our own bill for what we ordered. The only times we split it evenly is if we order something family style. If someone orders drinks, then it is on them to pay for it, and not ask for anyone to subsidize it.

And yeah I think it is a jackass thing to order for people without consulting them.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: gimp on July 14, 2014, 12:07:49 PM
I've never gone with someone who does this and then doesn't pay for it. Y'all need to hang out with fewer douches.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: hownowbrowncow on July 14, 2014, 12:13:00 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p8mhQ9wINI
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: steadierfooting on July 14, 2014, 12:36:54 PM
Ahh this drives me nuts when people suggest that.  It's never the person ordering water and a salad, but the guy ordering 5 drinks, apps, and entrees.  GRRR.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: WannabeDone on July 14, 2014, 12:37:58 PM
I've never gone with someone who does this and then doesn't pay for it. Y'all need to hang out with fewer douches.

Hahaha.  Love it!
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: welliamwallace on July 14, 2014, 12:51:46 PM
It blows my mind that people struggle with speaking to their friends about such matters?!

So many options. You can suggest up front to the table that you get separate checks. You can get a single check and confirm "Let's just each pay for our own food." You can, at the end, when someone suggests splitting evenly, pipe up "Hey, I actually didn't order any drinks or appetizers, Sp I'm just going to pay for my own food, plus tax and tip". (Don't phrase it like a question).
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: aclarridge on July 14, 2014, 03:24:20 PM
It blows my mind that people struggle with speaking to their friends about such matters?!

So many options. You can suggest up front to the table that you get separate checks. You can get a single check and confirm "Let's just each pay for our own food." You can, at the end, when someone suggests splitting evenly, pipe up "Hey, I actually didn't order any drinks or appetizers, Sp I'm just going to pay for my own food, plus tax and tip". (Don't phrase it like a question).

I do this, but I've had it happen where it's a birthday, and the group (myself included) wants to cut the bday person out of the bill. Then it gets too complicated to pay separate when everybody else is just splitting it evenly. Also sometimes you just don't want to make it complicated to save a few bucks. When so many people are talking it can be hard or rude to try to grab the bill and take care of yourself.

I like the Mutually Assured Destruction idea. However I only apply it in situations when I'm "forced" into it. With my usual friends this would be a non-issue.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Bob W on July 14, 2014, 03:47:14 PM
Seems odd to me,  usually if a couple orders appetizers and they offer to share.  We might share.   We might even have them added to our bill.   Ordering for others and then expecting them to pay is tre rude.   

An eloquent MMM solution would be to avoid restaurants in general.   The food is very expensive.  I have noted times when I spend as much on a meal for 3 of us as I spend on groceries for a week. 

The food is generally not safe.  And I don't mean that in a cleanliness way.   I mean that in the super additives,  fried in soy oil that has been used for days,  with high wheat content and little regard for health sorta way.     

Next time your friends suggest going out to eat,  you might suggest to them that you would love to see them and invite them over for a special dinner.   If they offer to bring something,  have something in mind.   If not,  no big deal,  You can feed 8 friends a very nice dinner for the price it would cost you to pay for 2 at a restaurant.  The upside is that they may reciprocate in the future.   

I find eating in restaurants a bore and a necessary evil at times.  The whole thing is designed to part you with your money in the quickest possible fashion and to move you along.   

   
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: dragoncar on July 14, 2014, 10:55:02 PM
It blows my mind that people struggle with speaking to their friends about such matters?!

So many options. You can suggest up front to the table that you get separate checks. You can get a single check and confirm "Let's just each pay for our own food." You can, at the end, when someone suggests splitting evenly, pipe up "Hey, I actually didn't order any drinks or appetizers, Sp I'm just going to pay for my own food, plus tax and tip". (Don't phrase it like a question).

I do this, but I've had it happen where it's a birthday, and the group (myself included) wants to cut the bday person out of the bill. Then it gets too complicated to pay separate when everybody else is just splitting it evenly. Also sometimes you just don't want to make it complicated to save a few bucks. When so many people are talking it can be hard or rude to try to grab the bill and take care of yourself.

I like the Mutually Assured Destruction idea. However I only apply it in situations when I'm "forced" into it. With my usual friends this would be a non-issue.

Yeah, I think there are times when separate checks is appropriate, and times when you just have accept splitting the bill evenly as a cost of going out.  Giant birthday parties is one time where I think it should be made clear up front that the bill will be split evenly (minus birthday person) and you can either come to the dinner and pay your share, or send your regrets.

Usually, with close friends I just split it in two.  I think it all evens out in the end, but if I order something ridiculously expensive, or the drinks are uneven, a few times in a row I'll just pick up the whole check and try to roughly even it out.  Or do "I'll handle the tip"*

*no, not like that you perv
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Kaspian on July 15, 2014, 10:32:23 AM
I always have "some other engagement" when co-workers or casual friends I know are spendy do these types of meals "but hopefully I can meet up with you guys later for a drink".  When I get there (an hour and fifteen minutes is usually a good wait) I order a drink from the bar and take it with me to their table.  Stay out of their dividing the check nonsense completely.  With my very, very close friends, we don't care much--we split it evenly or one of us picks it up, or we've eaten/drank 50% worth.  Anyone I've know for 20+ years and is a close inner-circle friend I've already gauged them as being fair and our costs even out in the long-run.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: DoubleDown on July 15, 2014, 01:29:31 PM
My husband is always telling me that going to certain restaurants, you "must" adopt a policy of Mutually Assured Destruction

This is also my best friend's strategy. When he goes out with a group, he always makes a point of ordering the most expensive things he can, and all the expensive cocktails he wants, since he figures he'll just end up paying for everyone else's decadence anyhow. I've had to join him in that strategy in the past. At least you don't end up feeling ripped off at the end of the meal!

This phenomenon of the douchebag who orders expensive food for "everyone at the table" is so common, I'm shocked at those who haven't encountered it! Clearly it's common enough to warrant an Onion satire piece.
Title: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Jags4186 on July 15, 2014, 02:16:44 PM
SO and I are not big drinkers. If we go out with a group to watch a football game or something we might have 2 or 3 beers each tops. I have friends who order 10 or 12 beers during the same game. Then they want to split the bill evenly and are all "we all make good money it's not a big deal".


Well I'm sorry it is a big deal. If I sign up for a $40 night out I certainly didn't sign up for a $100 night out. It shouldn't matter how much I make or you make. The worst part is the weird look you get when you ask for a "separate check". I try to get there early and order the first round so I'm definitely on a separate tab.


Best thing I ever started doing was start carrying a lot of cash in small bills. I keep track of what SO and I order then calculate that with tip and leave that much and let everyone else figure out what they have to leave. I keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.

In a double date situation I find splitting the bill 50/50 to be the easiest way and usually people are more restrained couple to couple.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: rocksinmyhead on July 15, 2014, 02:27:08 PM
yeah I feel really lucky, this almost NEVER happens to me. I feel like most restaurants nowadays are pretty cool about separate checks. usually if one person in the group wants apps they just pay for them and then offer to let other people snack on them as well. for a birthday dinner, usually one person will just offer to pick up the birthday person's meal at the end (often the one who planned the dinner or who is the closest friend present). I guess I just have awesome friends :)

...although, thinking about it, one thing that IS annoying and that came up recently when we went to a cheap neighborhood bar a few times to watch World Cup games on the patio... when we "rotate" buying buckets of beer but somehow my boyfriend and I end up buying two each and other people drink but never buy one... yeah not cool.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Mississippi Mudstache on July 15, 2014, 03:36:14 PM
Never happens to me either. Of course, my wife and I never go out to dinner with friends, we eat at each others' homes. On the rare occasion when we eat out, it's just my wife and I (and usually our two kids). It probably has something to do with the fact that all of our friends also have kids, and an expensive night out with a herd of kids is no rational person's idea of a good time.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: golden1 on July 16, 2014, 05:38:50 AM
Years ago, in my first post-college job, a group of colleagues used to do something called "Chow Scouts" where we would choose a new restaurant once a month to try.   This was a blast, but it led to some expensive mistakes.  One of our colleagues was a bit more adventurous than us and would ask the waiters what their favorite dishes were and then have them bring them sight unseen.  One time we were at a sushi place, and the waiter suggested an appetizer called "The Boat'.  The adventurous co-worker ordered one without asking the price and it turned out to be a giant plate of 100 pieces of sushi....everyone was furious...this "appetizer" cost several hundred dollars.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Paul der Krake on July 16, 2014, 06:14:51 AM
One time we were at a sushi place, and the waiter suggested an appetizer called "The Boat'.  The adventurous co-worker ordered one without asking the price and it turned out to be a giant plate of 100 pieces of sushi....everyone was furious...this "appetizer" cost several hundred dollars.
That's a suicidal move on the waiter's part, I hope the restaurant made a gesture.

There are also people who will only pay "their share" of gas on roadtrips. As in "it's 600 miles and we only filled up once at $64 and there is four of us, so here is $16.00". Nevermind that there was gas already in the tank that got used, plus wear and tear on the vehicle, and the fact that they didn't drive. Harrumph.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Ohio Teacher on July 16, 2014, 08:26:57 AM
I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Rebecca Stapler on July 16, 2014, 09:04:00 AM
I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a server to ask if people want separate checks.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: aclarridge on July 16, 2014, 09:41:08 AM
Or do "I'll handle the tip"*

*no, not like that you perv

LOL - FYI I am going to steal this joke and use it as my own.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Paul der Krake on July 16, 2014, 09:43:20 AM
I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a server to ask if people want separate checks.
It must be a regional thing. Here, unless it's a large party (6+) or clearly a family (say two adults, and two young kids), they always ask.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Sylly on July 16, 2014, 10:39:17 AM
One time we were at a sushi place, and the waiter suggested an appetizer called "The Boat'.  The adventurous co-worker ordered one without asking the price and it turned out to be a giant plate of 100 pieces of sushi....everyone was furious...this "appetizer" cost several hundred dollars.
That's a suicidal move on the waiter's part, I hope the restaurant made a gesture.

I thought it's fairly common knowledge that at a sushi joint, a boat is well.. a boat full of sushi. I don't know if I would call it appetizer, and some places have varying sizes of boats. Unless the waiter was explicitly touting it as an appetizer, was it possible he was suggesting the boat as a family-style meal, where the size was chosen based on the recommended size for the number of guests in the party?
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: dragoncar on July 16, 2014, 10:43:03 AM
I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a server to ask if people want separate checks.
It must be a regional thing. Here, unless it's a large party (6+) or clearly a family (say two adults, and two young kids), they always ask.

It must be regional, but only because parties over 6 are really common here and I think that's what most of us are talking about.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Hunny156 on July 16, 2014, 11:12:27 AM
I agree on the regional thing too.  When we lived in the Northeast, everyone ordered what they wanted, and the bills were split evenly, which annoyed my SO & I, since we never drank, and the other parties would enjoy several cocktails a piece.

Out here in TX, it is super common for the wait staff to ask before ordering who is on what check, or when we ask for the check, we point to who is in each party, and separate checks are issued.  MUCH better!

The first time I went to a house party out here, I was horrified to see a neighbor bring an open bottle of wine, drink from it herself, and then take it back home w/her!  That would never fly in the Northeast - you bring something unopened, and even if it stays unopened, you never take anything back...
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: sheepstache on July 16, 2014, 11:24:51 AM
Yeah, in New York City the waiters never offer separate checks.  If you want that, you have to ask at the beginning of the meal and they still might get huffy.

However--and I'm embarrassed it took me so long to learn this--it's easy to split the bill by writing on the back of the receipt how much goes on which card.  E.g., $42 on [card ending in] 4356.  Which makes sense, the waiter doesn't want to bother remembering what each individual ordered or know which couples are going to pay together or if people are splitting apps, etc. 
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: simonsez on July 16, 2014, 11:59:15 AM
I view appetizers like rounds of shots or beers or whatever.  If you want to be the one making the decision to order a round for everyone, that's great, but it's on you to pony up unless a prior arrangement is made.

Also like shots or beers out places, appetizers and meals out are frickin' expensive!  Have the gang over and let them bring their own appetizers of their choosing and then happily fill up their glass for less than a dollar.  Personally, my wife and I love hosting and are okay with spending more than we would normally for a meal at home (like buying extra booze or enough types of food to satisfy myriad preferences) because it is still less or at least comparable to a meal out just the 2 of us. 
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: lysistrata on July 16, 2014, 02:03:17 PM
Wow, some people have really bad-mannered friends!

My group goes out to eat a few times a year, usually for birthdays. We are usually between 20-40 people, so sometimes the restuarant doesn't want to split the bill. Also, when we have a party and we want to order pizza, they really only want one person to pay for that.

What we always do is have one person pay the bill (often it's me - I like getting the CC points), and then the next day we shoot a message around on FB letting everyone know what their share is. Sometimes we divide evenly, sometimes we split it down to exactly what was ordered (we agree on this beforehand, at the restaurant). Because someone has paid the huge chunk from their own money, people are very courteous and will pay quickly, and the person in charge of the bill can see who's paid and chase the stragglers up quickly. Maybe not everyone can do this with their friends, but it works for us.

We once had a situation where we went to an indian restaurant, ordered apps for the table, and a curry each. All the curries are basically the same price, except the vege ones - they're maybe $5 cheaper. Our vege friend ordered a curry ($15) and a drink ($7), and had a few of the apps, but not as many as the rest of us (we ordered too many) and then refused the even split because she felt the $31 even split wasn't fair on her. Which was true. So we agreed on $25 for her and just split that difference between the rest of us, added less than 50c to each person's bill, and was still a bargain for a great night :)
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Bigote on July 16, 2014, 03:05:18 PM
Here the culture is definitely an even split.   I'm not bothered by the appetizers, drinks, or slightly more expensive entre.

Its the wine that kills.


Inevitably, the biggest oenophile orders the wine, not the person with the less expensive taste.  With some of my friends, the wine total often exceeds the food total.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: dragoncar on July 16, 2014, 03:22:18 PM

Best thing I ever started doing was start carrying a lot of cash in small bills. I keep track of what SO and I order then calculate that with tip and leave that much and let everyone else figure out what they have to leave. I keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.


I just pretend to put money in, and keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.

-Frugaljerk
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: WannabeDone on July 16, 2014, 03:25:44 PM

I just pretend to put money in, and keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.

-Frugaljerk


Hahahahaha!  That busted me up!   (http://www.vwvortex.com/Anthony/Smilies/thumbup.gif)
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Jags4186 on July 16, 2014, 06:38:07 PM

Best thing I ever started doing was start carrying a lot of cash in small bills. I keep track of what SO and I order then calculate that with tip and leave that much and let everyone else figure out what they have to leave. I keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.


I just pretend to put money in, and keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.

-Frugaljerk

The handlebars are strong with you.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Shooter_D on July 17, 2014, 10:19:45 AM
It's great when they order two bottles of wine as well, and those get split. I recently went out with friends of a friend and refrained from eating appetizers as I was trying to be mustachian... I mistakenly had one glass of wine. I got my appetizer and wine "share" on my bill and almost fainted.

It is definitely a good idea to only order and eat for yourself when out with a new group of people, or those prone to split everything!
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Mississippi Mudstache on July 17, 2014, 10:27:58 AM
I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a server to ask if people want separate checks.
It must be a regional thing. Here, unless it's a large party (6+) or clearly a family (say two adults, and two young kids), they always ask.

Separate bills are the norm here.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: partgypsy on July 17, 2014, 02:37:27 PM
Here's a question. A group of friends, acquantinces were meeting at a place for a drink every month or so (yes literally one drink). That tailed off. They want to start it again, with someone hosting it and making their signature drink. The idea is each person brings an app, and the host makes her drink, and everyone is expected to bring a monetary donation ($5) for her to buy ingredients for the drinks. to tell the truth stopping by the restaurant for 1 drink was pretty convenient, and as I would only have 1 drink (their special for that day) not that expensive. She wants to have it at her house because it is more convenient to her "and less expensive". But it's not really less expensive for me if I am both providing an app and money for drinks, and the location is less convenient. What would you do? I don't want to be the pisser.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: MgoSam on July 17, 2014, 02:40:48 PM
Here's a question. A group of friends, acquantinces were meeting at a place for a drink every month or so (yes literally one drink). That tailed off. They want to start it again, with someone hosting it and making their signature drink. The idea is each person brings an app, and the host makes her drink, and everyone is expected to bring a monetary donation ($5) for her to buy ingredients for the drinks. to tell the truth stopping by the restaurant for 1 drink was pretty convenient, and as I would only have 1 drink (their special for that day) not that expensive. She wants to have it at her house because it is more convenient to her "and less expensive". But it's not really less expensive for me if I am both providing an app and money for drinks, and the location is less convenient. What would you do? I don't want to be the pisser.

That seems entirely too complicated for my taste.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: greenmimama on July 17, 2014, 02:47:07 PM
Here's a question. A group of friends, acquantinces were meeting at a place for a drink every month or so (yes literally one drink). That tailed off. They want to start it again, with someone hosting it and making their signature drink. The idea is each person brings an app, and the host makes her drink, and everyone is expected to bring a monetary donation ($5) for her to buy ingredients for the drinks. to tell the truth stopping by the restaurant for 1 drink was pretty convenient, and as I would only have 1 drink (their special for that day) not that expensive. She wants to have it at her house because it is more convenient to her "and less expensive". But it's not really less expensive for me if I am both providing an app and money for drinks, and the location is less convenient. What would you do? I don't want to be the pisser.

Just be busy that night.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: gimp on July 17, 2014, 03:01:00 PM
That's odd. When I invite people over, I buy food and drinks and make them. I'd be insulted if they tried to pay.

Pooling resources makes sense if it's, like, an event. Whisky / wine / beer tasting, or a brew day, or a fancy food get-together, or whatever. Still, not money, but ingredients. "Bring your favorite bottle." "Bring lamb."
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: rocksinmyhead on July 17, 2014, 03:11:50 PM
That's odd. When I invite people over, I buy food and drinks and make them. I'd be insulted if they tried to pay.

Pooling resources makes sense if it's, like, an event. Whisky / wine / beer tasting, or a brew day, or a fancy food get-together, or whatever. Still, not money, but ingredients. "Bring your favorite bottle." "Bring lamb."

agreed. I feel like this is weird. like, everyone else is paying for the food ('cause they're bringing it) AND drinks, and the hostess doesn't pay for anything?
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: gimp on July 17, 2014, 08:30:04 PM
Gotta pay rent somehow!
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: seanc0x0 on July 17, 2014, 10:05:56 PM
Separate bills, I pay for what I order. Easy peasy.  You want me to pay for what YOU ordered? Nope.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: partgypsy on July 18, 2014, 11:43:59 AM
Not that big of deal in scheme of things but maybe I can suggest to have it at my house next : )
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Tempe on July 18, 2014, 07:44:33 PM
I might order 15$ worth of appetizers for the entire table, on my tab for everyone to share. I don't have any friends that would order without asking and ask other to pay up, but I also wouldn't have stayed friend with them anyways. I would be so angry if someone did that to me.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Albert on July 19, 2014, 03:50:00 PM
It must be regional, but only because parties over 6 are really common here and I think that's what most of us are talking about.

I was trying to think when was the last time I was in a restaurant with five people and more and paying myself (= not from work) and couldn't remember such an occasion. Happens occasionally in a pub Friday night, but it's mostly beer then.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Strawberrykiwi75 on July 19, 2014, 05:05:13 PM
I can't believe some of the issues I'm hearing in this thread! Y'all need to get new friends lol.

We do it several ways here with my friends, and it always works out because we eat out a lot.
1. Go somewhere, agree to share and all collaborate on what we want to order. We also take bottles of wine with us and share these. Then the bill is split evenly because we only order things we agree on.
2. Separate bills. Everyone pays for what they ordered. We usually do this when we go for a treat so everyone can get what takes their fancy without arguing about the bill
3. If its going to be a hard bill to split for some reason, I pay got it on my credit card and message everyone what they owe. Money then appears in my bank account. I only ever do this with people I'm confident will pay me back
4. A couple of my friends and I just take turns cos we go out so often. Always works out about right in the grand scheme of things
5. Someone hosts for say, a BBQ or potluck. Host usually buys some snacks like crackers and cheese and provides one or two bottles of wine. Then everyone brings a component dictated by the host and some drinks. So for example, we have a group of 6 of us who do this regularly for a BBQ in summer. Host provides salad and bread. Another provides salad and non-alcoholic drinks. Three people bring meat of some kind. Last person brings dessert. We also rotate who brings what.

The key for all of the above to work is communication and friends being open and honest. We all trust each other and if there's anyone new in the group we automatically gravitate towards paying our own way
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Chaplin on July 19, 2014, 05:43:35 PM
And then there's credit card roulette: everyone puts their CC in a hat and the server picks one.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Goldielocks on July 19, 2014, 08:09:28 PM
I used to have a different problem.

At lunch with co workers eating out, there was always way too much cash in the collection even after a 30% tip for the staff.   We started to take the excess and ask if they wanted it to start an appetizer round next time, or we put it into the donations jar back at the office.  All those 10s and 20's rounded off added up.

I have even been treated by the birthday person to lunch on their birthday.  They would secretly buy for the table.

Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Bigote on July 22, 2014, 06:29:28 AM
Never heard of that.   Thats pretty cool, actually.   
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: lakemom on July 23, 2014, 07:39:56 AM
Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: starbuck on July 23, 2014, 08:22:11 AM
Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

Ouch, that's really terrible. I would have probably handed it the oldest kid and let them figure it out. $450 is a tough unexpected pill to swallow.

I had the opposite happen - we were taking my in-laws out for dinner as their Christmas present, which we do every year and it's a lovely time. This year my father in law slips the server his credit card before the bill even comes to the table. I was so annoyed at him. It was OUR gift to them, not the other way around. He then said we could leave the tip, but of course we don't carry much cash so it was a moot point.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: davisgang90 on July 23, 2014, 09:53:07 AM
When I order apps to share, I pay for them.  Can't see how any other option makes sense.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: partgypsy on July 23, 2014, 11:09:21 AM
Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

Wow, don't they know that when you invite someone to dinner, you pay? Lack of manners! Not exactly the same, but a number of years ago some friends of my husband wanted to do something for for his birthday, so I suggested we all go out to eat at this restaurant. So maybe that was my bad; because since I coordinated it maybe I was considered to be inviting everyone? (people were going to take him out for drinks alternatively). When I get there I order a round of drinks for everyone. We have a good time, everyone eats. No one offers to chip in for hubby's meal, or even buy him a drink. Not a huge deal, but I thought it was odd.

Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: RootofGood on July 23, 2014, 01:52:40 PM
I haven't been out to a restaurant with friends/family in a while.  The last time was a big graduation party for a nephew a couple years ago.  We picked up all my family's tab and the graduate and maybe my wife's parents.  It was $100 or $150 but an extremely rare occasion.  A few people ordered extra stuff like fancier seafood at the already fancy Chinese buffet and some alcoholic or fancy drinks.  I paid for the whole meal on my credit card and folks threw in roughly the right amount for the entire party of 20 or so.  I think it was $400-500 for everyone, but our share was about what it should have been.  Which was amazing.

We usually invite friends to our house for lunch or dinner.  Beer, some pizzas, and a tray of fresh veggies or salad can be had for $25-50, and is less than the two of us would pay if we went out for dinner and drinks with friends and split the tab.  Or if it's less than 10 of us hanging out, we'll often cook something awesome and the costs are even lower.  Sure, it's more work but we enjoy it. 

And if we do find ourselves going out, I'll be the guy to get a Groupon/Living Social coupon or some BOGO or free appetizer coupon and pick the place.  Makes it easier to say "the apps on me" if it's free anyway. :) 
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: RootofGood on July 23, 2014, 01:57:47 PM
Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

"Sure, let's grab dinner!  McDonald's or Burger King?  I have coupons for both..."  :)
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: CommonCents on July 23, 2014, 02:34:27 PM
Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

Wow, don't they know that when you invite someone to dinner, you pay? Lack of manners! Not exactly the same, but a number of years ago some friends of my husband wanted to do something for for his birthday, so I suggested we all go out to eat at this restaurant. So maybe that was my bad; because since I coordinated it maybe I was considered to be inviting everyone? (people were going to take him out for drinks alternatively). When I get there I order a round of drinks for everyone. We have a good time, everyone eats. No one offers to chip in for hubby's meal, or even buy him a drink. Not a huge deal, but I thought it was odd.

Yeah, I think in that case by interjecting yourself into the planning process, the concept of who was hosting got muddled.  Some might even argue you were hosting then and should have paid for it.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: partgypsy on July 25, 2014, 08:51:04 AM
Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

Wow, don't they know that when you invite someone to dinner, you pay? Lack of manners! Not exactly the same, but a number of years ago some friends of my husband wanted to do something for for his birthday, so I suggested we all go out to eat at this restaurant. So maybe that was my bad; because since I coordinated it maybe I was considered to be inviting everyone? (people were going to take him out for drinks alternatively). When I get there I order a round of drinks for everyone. We have a good time, everyone eats. No one offers to chip in for hubby's meal, or even buy him a drink. Not a huge deal, but I thought it was odd.

Yeah, I think in that case by interjecting yourself into the planning process, the concept of who was hosting got muddled.  Some might even argue you were hosting then and should have paid for it.


Yeah I agree. We haven't done anything like that since. When I go out with coworkers for their birthday it is customary for everyone else to chip in to pay for the birthday person's meal, so I was kind of going on that assumption, but you are right you know what they say about assumptions.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: LennStar on July 25, 2014, 09:13:52 AM
And then there's credit card roulette: everyone puts their CC in a hat and the server picks one.
Uh-oh, that could cost you a MONTH of normal expenditure!
Oh wait, I dont have a credit card... harharhar!

Here in east germany its normal that everyone pays what he/she consumes. You just do it. Exceptions are special occasions, but then its clear before that the special person pays (e.g. birthday) or someone states that he invites.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Miamoo on July 25, 2014, 09:43:20 AM
I love that credit card roulette idea!

When husband and I were dating his gang had a standing "obligation" to their wives to take them out to a snazzy Valentine's dinner every year.  Wives would order every appetizer on the menu (okay, we ate some too) and 3 or 4 each of the flaming snazzy or umbrella decorated mixed drinks, followed by surf'n'turf and a costly dessert.  At the end of the pleasant meal (ha ha) when the bill was presented it was split equally between the 7 couple.  $200 was our share even tho between our entrees and drinks ( a glass of wine, a couple beers, no dessert) we had only had about - maybe - $50 worth.  So throw in the tip and our share of the apps . . . maybe $80 at the very, very most.

This stopped after the second Valentine's Day.  This had been going on for years and my now husband never questioned it.  Till I did and now I'm the B.  Oh well.  He still hangs with his gang but no more couples get togethers.  I can't stand them (except for one couple - that we do get together with) and they can't stand me.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: fartface on August 05, 2014, 02:37:15 PM
I'm out east with friends last week strolling around Boston. We do the usual tourist  stuff like "Cheers" which was all well and good, but then they just wanted to keep stopping for drinks and apps. I wanted to walk around, take in the sights...not sit and sip expensive drinks all day on outdoor patios.

So, we're walking around and one girl keeps saying, "Where we going to stop next?" Finally, the group plops down at a table on an outdoor patio. I go to the Wendy's next door to use the bathroom and buy a Frosty.

Afterwards, I joined them at their trendy little bistro with my $.99 frosty. While I was taking a dump at Wend's they ordered a pitcher of Sangria and an appetizer 'for the table'. I partake in nothing. They kept offering me the food and beverage they decided to buy at the bistro THEY wanted to go to.

Sure enough, the $90 bill comes and one douche (my girlfriend's new boyfriend) chirps, "$15 each!"

Of course, I say, "Uh, no, I don't think so. I didn't eat or drink one thing at this table. You guys will have to split it five ways." What a doucherocket. Really? I would never do that to a friend. Some people.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: grover on August 06, 2014, 12:29:48 AM
Hi everyone, this is my first post on the MMM forums.

When I eat out with friends, I expect them to be fairly reasonable. I also think it's reasonable for them to expect others not to haggle too much over the bill. If we're a few dollars short I will put in a few dollars. Of course, I'm closer to 30 than 20, so it has taken me a few years to get to this chillaxed stage. I've also had generous friends pick up my tab now and then, so can pay it forward.

I think problems arise when acquaintances -- perhaps financial sector acquaintances -- get involved. Don't know why people want to act like high-rollers but then expect it to be split evenly. But with these types of acquaintances, it has and always will be unfair like that. From this day forward, I will try to adopt MMM's stance that one night out like this won't mess up my plan, so why stress?

I also love this Slate article that, six years after first reading it, I am sharing here:
Happy Birthday, You Bastard
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/a_fine_whine/2008/10/happy_birthday_you_bastard.2.html (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/a_fine_whine/2008/10/happy_birthday_you_bastard.2.html)

Quote
After dinner, I sidled up to Justin to complain about the exorbitant bill, knowing my outrage would fall on sympathetic ears. Instead, he flashed a wicked grin and revealed that he had "seceded from the check, Jefferson Davis-style." That is, having realized things were getting out of hand, he had worked out an understanding with the waiter whereby he would order on a separate tab that would include only his appetizer, entrée, and beverages. It was a brilliant stroke, though it required Justin's unabashed cheapskatedness, which, like his taste in metaphor, is rare indeed.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: RootofGood on August 06, 2014, 10:05:06 AM
Nice.  I'll have to try that next time I'm facing a potentially lethal dose of restaurant-overspending from my "friends" who want to split evenly their lobster, caviar and fancy drinks and my hamburger and water glass.  :)

I also love this Slate article that, six years after first reading it, I am sharing here:
Happy Birthday, You Bastard
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/a_fine_whine/2008/10/happy_birthday_you_bastard.2.html (http://www.slate.com/articles/life/a_fine_whine/2008/10/happy_birthday_you_bastard.2.html)

Quote
After dinner, I sidled up to Justin to complain about the exorbitant bill, knowing my outrage would fall on sympathetic ears. Instead, he flashed a wicked grin and revealed that he had "seceded from the check, Jefferson Davis-style." That is, having realized things were getting out of hand, he had worked out an understanding with the waiter whereby he would order on a separate tab that would include only his appetizer, entrée, and beverages. It was a brilliant stroke, though it required Justin's unabashed cheapskatedness, which, like his taste in metaphor, is rare indeed.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Brad_H on August 06, 2014, 03:54:46 PM
I personally picked up the tab for an office "project completion" lunch once, since the Project Manager that had invited us didn't want to put it on the company card; because she was afraid to submit an expense report. It was around $400 and I didn't expense it either; just ate the cost as a lesson. It embarrassed her so badly she never failed to pick up the tab on any company celebrations after that...

* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Boz86 on August 07, 2014, 07:25:06 AM
* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Nicely said.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: sobezen on August 07, 2014, 05:35:35 PM
Separate bills work fine in the Bay Area.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: MgoSam on August 08, 2014, 07:35:09 PM
One of my dad's friend takes the liberty of doing this. Sad part is that he is a pillar of the community and my mom is a sucker for social pressure, so they do dine as a group on a regular basis.

Also when my mom goes out with her friends, she says that they always split the bill equally, so if one person orders a drink, everyone else feels the need to. Talk about a prisoner's dilemma.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Rika Non on August 11, 2014, 03:52:18 PM
* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Nicely said.

I know that feeling.  But for rudeness in my experience there is nothing worse than the abuse that people dish out when it's a company lunch.  Even when it's not my money I still see red when poeple order several rounds of apps that they know won't get eaten just to get it bagged to take home (or worse just get dumped). 
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: Mississippi Mudstache on August 11, 2014, 05:43:32 PM
* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Nicely said.

I know that feeling.  But for rudeness in my experience there is nothing worse than the abuse that people dish out when it's a company lunch.  Even when it's not my money I still see red when poeple order several rounds of apps that they know won't get eaten just to get it bagged to take home (or worse just get dumped).

Wow, that would never happen with my co-workers. None of them are that shameless. I order just the same for a company lunch as a I when I'm paying my own way: water, no appetizer, and an inexpensive entree. Most of my co-workers do the same, although some of them will order coke or tea.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: FIREman2036 on August 12, 2014, 07:53:28 AM
Quote
I personally picked up the tab for an office "project completion" lunch once, since the Project Manager that had invited us didn't want to put it on the company card; because she was afraid to submit an expense report. It was around $400 and I didn't expense it either; just ate the cost as a lesson. It embarrassed her so badly she never failed to pick up the tab on any company celebrations after that...

In my company whenever i was on a trip with my project manager i would always pay for everything as he could then sign of the expenses without it going to senior management. Senior management also pull the same trick as their expenses have to be signed of at corporate headquarters in the US.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: MillenialMustache on August 12, 2014, 09:32:58 AM
I am thankful to normally not have this problem and basically always end up with a separate check.

I was shocked the one time it did happen - when I was in college and studied abroad in England, my professor took an organized group of interested students on a weekend side trip to Stonehenge. One night he wanted to go out for a nice dinner - I ordered nearly the cheapest thing on the menu and water. The others (about 10) split several bottles of wine, appetizers, etc. When the bill came, I was asked to pay three times the amount of my entree! I said no way, I was a poor college student and had ordered to reflect that. The professor got a little upset, but thankfully I had made friends with a couple of the other students and the stuck up for me and said it wasn't fair. I ended up paying my little portion, and they split the rest evenly. It was uncomfortable, and an early lesson for me.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: iris lily on August 12, 2014, 09:39:23 AM
I personally picked up the tab for an office "project completion" lunch once, since the Project Manager that had invited us didn't want to put it on the company card; because she was afraid to submit an expense report. It was around $400 and I didn't expense it either; just ate the cost as a lesson. It embarrassed her so badly she never failed to pick up the tab on any company celebrations after that...

* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Very cool. And in the long run, Mustachean.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: mm1970 on August 12, 2014, 10:58:52 AM
Total opposite - I went out for drinks for Mom's night last night - very nice place, happy hour.  The waitress AUTOMATICALLY gave everyone separate checks.  I tried to help pay for the apps, and my friends said no (turns out they were $3, I ate about $1 worth).  It was sweet!
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: SMP on August 12, 2014, 03:18:35 PM
About ten years ago (while i studied) i hosted a surprise-party for a friend who was leaving for 3 months for a job to be done in vietnam. This party was not mine, it was some kind of gift from all of us to the guy, but I hosted the party at my parent's home.
There were about 12 guests, all of them where invited and brought their own meat and a side dishes for all of us.
I did the same und also bought the drinks (beer, soft drinks). It was a great party, but I had to prepare the patio/house in before, barbecue and tidy afterwards. Just short before ending of the party, the guests asked, what to pay for drinks.
I roughly calculated 5 € (~$7). But one guest asked me to pay just 3 € (~$4) because she drank no beer.
I was snubbed.
But these 2 € helped me to decide who to exclude from my social life.
Title: Re: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
Post by: dude on August 14, 2014, 12:04:08 PM
Yep, my favorite is that a couple of us don't drink, but are expected to go out with people/friends to restaurants with bars.  The rest order several drinks and big meals and the have the gall to say everyone has to pay $38 (example only) plus tip.  I have in the past refused to do this, and have given the amount to cover what I ate and drank plus tip.  This position has actually gotten me out of several subsequent binges.

I went to law school with a lot of well-heeled people who did a variation of this -- while I'd be ordering $3 beers, they were ordering $12 cocktails -- and they'd split the bill evenly.  At a time when I was trying to meet people and socialize, it wasn't the time to be refusing to pay.  I seethed and let it go, resigning myself to never go to dinner with these people again.  Nowadays, I have no problem calling someone out at the table, and on the flipside, if someone tries to split the bill evenly when I've been the one ordering the more expensive items, I say, "hell no, you owe a lot less than I do, just pay for what you ordered."