Author Topic: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table  (Read 22121 times)

Bigote

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Never heard of that.   Thats pretty cool, actually.   

lakemom

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Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

starbuck

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Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

Ouch, that's really terrible. I would have probably handed it the oldest kid and let them figure it out. $450 is a tough unexpected pill to swallow.

I had the opposite happen - we were taking my in-laws out for dinner as their Christmas present, which we do every year and it's a lovely time. This year my father in law slips the server his credit card before the bill even comes to the table. I was so annoyed at him. It was OUR gift to them, not the other way around. He then said we could leave the tip, but of course we don't carry much cash so it was a moot point.

davisgang90

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When I order apps to share, I pay for them.  Can't see how any other option makes sense.

partgypsy

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Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

Wow, don't they know that when you invite someone to dinner, you pay? Lack of manners! Not exactly the same, but a number of years ago some friends of my husband wanted to do something for for his birthday, so I suggested we all go out to eat at this restaurant. So maybe that was my bad; because since I coordinated it maybe I was considered to be inviting everyone? (people were going to take him out for drinks alternatively). When I get there I order a round of drinks for everyone. We have a good time, everyone eats. No one offers to chip in for hubby's meal, or even buy him a drink. Not a huge deal, but I thought it was odd.


RootofGood

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I haven't been out to a restaurant with friends/family in a while.  The last time was a big graduation party for a nephew a couple years ago.  We picked up all my family's tab and the graduate and maybe my wife's parents.  It was $100 or $150 but an extremely rare occasion.  A few people ordered extra stuff like fancier seafood at the already fancy Chinese buffet and some alcoholic or fancy drinks.  I paid for the whole meal on my credit card and folks threw in roughly the right amount for the entire party of 20 or so.  I think it was $400-500 for everyone, but our share was about what it should have been.  Which was amazing.

We usually invite friends to our house for lunch or dinner.  Beer, some pizzas, and a tray of fresh veggies or salad can be had for $25-50, and is less than the two of us would pay if we went out for dinner and drinks with friends and split the tab.  Or if it's less than 10 of us hanging out, we'll often cook something awesome and the costs are even lower.  Sure, it's more work but we enjoy it. 

And if we do find ourselves going out, I'll be the guy to get a Groupon/Living Social coupon or some BOGO or free appetizer coupon and pick the place.  Makes it easier to say "the apps on me" if it's free anyway. :) 

RootofGood

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Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

"Sure, let's grab dinner!  McDonald's or Burger King?  I have coupons for both..."  :)

CommonCents

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Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

Wow, don't they know that when you invite someone to dinner, you pay? Lack of manners! Not exactly the same, but a number of years ago some friends of my husband wanted to do something for for his birthday, so I suggested we all go out to eat at this restaurant. So maybe that was my bad; because since I coordinated it maybe I was considered to be inviting everyone? (people were going to take him out for drinks alternatively). When I get there I order a round of drinks for everyone. We have a good time, everyone eats. No one offers to chip in for hubby's meal, or even buy him a drink. Not a huge deal, but I thought it was odd.

Yeah, I think in that case by interjecting yourself into the planning process, the concept of who was hosting got muddled.  Some might even argue you were hosting then and should have paid for it.

partgypsy

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Here's an even better one!  My oldest dd calls and says they (all the children) want to go out to celebrate my birthday (50th so a "special" event) and which day works best.  Decide on day and restruant...we all go have a great time, good meal,cake, presents...the whole shebang.  Waitress brings the bill and hands it to ME!  I glance at dh to see his reaction (none since he's playing with the grandbaby and not paying attention).  None of the adult children (6 of the 7 gainfully employed) speak up or ask for the check...so I pay it ($450!!  There were 12 in attendance).  Next time the kids ask to take me out I'm asking whose paying??!!!!  Now, normally "I" coordinate a family dinner out a couple of times a year and do pay, but they asked me not the other way around.  A month later and I'm still stewing about it.

Wow, don't they know that when you invite someone to dinner, you pay? Lack of manners! Not exactly the same, but a number of years ago some friends of my husband wanted to do something for for his birthday, so I suggested we all go out to eat at this restaurant. So maybe that was my bad; because since I coordinated it maybe I was considered to be inviting everyone? (people were going to take him out for drinks alternatively). When I get there I order a round of drinks for everyone. We have a good time, everyone eats. No one offers to chip in for hubby's meal, or even buy him a drink. Not a huge deal, but I thought it was odd.

Yeah, I think in that case by interjecting yourself into the planning process, the concept of who was hosting got muddled.  Some might even argue you were hosting then and should have paid for it.


Yeah I agree. We haven't done anything like that since. When I go out with coworkers for their birthday it is customary for everyone else to chip in to pay for the birthday person's meal, so I was kind of going on that assumption, but you are right you know what they say about assumptions.

LennStar

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And then there's credit card roulette: everyone puts their CC in a hat and the server picks one.
Uh-oh, that could cost you a MONTH of normal expenditure!
Oh wait, I dont have a credit card... harharhar!

Here in east germany its normal that everyone pays what he/she consumes. You just do it. Exceptions are special occasions, but then its clear before that the special person pays (e.g. birthday) or someone states that he invites.

Miamoo

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I love that credit card roulette idea!

When husband and I were dating his gang had a standing "obligation" to their wives to take them out to a snazzy Valentine's dinner every year.  Wives would order every appetizer on the menu (okay, we ate some too) and 3 or 4 each of the flaming snazzy or umbrella decorated mixed drinks, followed by surf'n'turf and a costly dessert.  At the end of the pleasant meal (ha ha) when the bill was presented it was split equally between the 7 couple.  $200 was our share even tho between our entrees and drinks ( a glass of wine, a couple beers, no dessert) we had only had about - maybe - $50 worth.  So throw in the tip and our share of the apps . . . maybe $80 at the very, very most.

This stopped after the second Valentine's Day.  This had been going on for years and my now husband never questioned it.  Till I did and now I'm the B.  Oh well.  He still hangs with his gang but no more couples get togethers.  I can't stand them (except for one couple - that we do get together with) and they can't stand me.

fartface

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I'm out east with friends last week strolling around Boston. We do the usual tourist  stuff like "Cheers" which was all well and good, but then they just wanted to keep stopping for drinks and apps. I wanted to walk around, take in the sights...not sit and sip expensive drinks all day on outdoor patios.

So, we're walking around and one girl keeps saying, "Where we going to stop next?" Finally, the group plops down at a table on an outdoor patio. I go to the Wendy's next door to use the bathroom and buy a Frosty.

Afterwards, I joined them at their trendy little bistro with my $.99 frosty. While I was taking a dump at Wend's they ordered a pitcher of Sangria and an appetizer 'for the table'. I partake in nothing. They kept offering me the food and beverage they decided to buy at the bistro THEY wanted to go to.

Sure enough, the $90 bill comes and one douche (my girlfriend's new boyfriend) chirps, "$15 each!"

Of course, I say, "Uh, no, I don't think so. I didn't eat or drink one thing at this table. You guys will have to split it five ways." What a doucherocket. Really? I would never do that to a friend. Some people.

grover

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Hi everyone, this is my first post on the MMM forums.

When I eat out with friends, I expect them to be fairly reasonable. I also think it's reasonable for them to expect others not to haggle too much over the bill. If we're a few dollars short I will put in a few dollars. Of course, I'm closer to 30 than 20, so it has taken me a few years to get to this chillaxed stage. I've also had generous friends pick up my tab now and then, so can pay it forward.

I think problems arise when acquaintances -- perhaps financial sector acquaintances -- get involved. Don't know why people want to act like high-rollers but then expect it to be split evenly. But with these types of acquaintances, it has and always will be unfair like that. From this day forward, I will try to adopt MMM's stance that one night out like this won't mess up my plan, so why stress?

I also love this Slate article that, six years after first reading it, I am sharing here:
Happy Birthday, You Bastard
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/a_fine_whine/2008/10/happy_birthday_you_bastard.2.html

Quote
After dinner, I sidled up to Justin to complain about the exorbitant bill, knowing my outrage would fall on sympathetic ears. Instead, he flashed a wicked grin and revealed that he had "seceded from the check, Jefferson Davis-style." That is, having realized things were getting out of hand, he had worked out an understanding with the waiter whereby he would order on a separate tab that would include only his appetizer, entrée, and beverages. It was a brilliant stroke, though it required Justin's unabashed cheapskatedness, which, like his taste in metaphor, is rare indeed.

RootofGood

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Nice.  I'll have to try that next time I'm facing a potentially lethal dose of restaurant-overspending from my "friends" who want to split evenly their lobster, caviar and fancy drinks and my hamburger and water glass.  :)

I also love this Slate article that, six years after first reading it, I am sharing here:
Happy Birthday, You Bastard
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/a_fine_whine/2008/10/happy_birthday_you_bastard.2.html

Quote
After dinner, I sidled up to Justin to complain about the exorbitant bill, knowing my outrage would fall on sympathetic ears. Instead, he flashed a wicked grin and revealed that he had "seceded from the check, Jefferson Davis-style." That is, having realized things were getting out of hand, he had worked out an understanding with the waiter whereby he would order on a separate tab that would include only his appetizer, entrée, and beverages. It was a brilliant stroke, though it required Justin's unabashed cheapskatedness, which, like his taste in metaphor, is rare indeed.

Brad_H

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I personally picked up the tab for an office "project completion" lunch once, since the Project Manager that had invited us didn't want to put it on the company card; because she was afraid to submit an expense report. It was around $400 and I didn't expense it either; just ate the cost as a lesson. It embarrassed her so badly she never failed to pick up the tab on any company celebrations after that...

* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Boz86

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* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Nicely said.

sobezen

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Separate bills work fine in the Bay Area.

MgoSam

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One of my dad's friend takes the liberty of doing this. Sad part is that he is a pillar of the community and my mom is a sucker for social pressure, so they do dine as a group on a regular basis.

Also when my mom goes out with her friends, she says that they always split the bill equally, so if one person orders a drink, everyone else feels the need to. Talk about a prisoner's dilemma.

Rika Non

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* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Nicely said.

I know that feeling.  But for rudeness in my experience there is nothing worse than the abuse that people dish out when it's a company lunch.  Even when it's not my money I still see red when poeple order several rounds of apps that they know won't get eaten just to get it bagged to take home (or worse just get dumped). 

Mississippi Mudstache

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* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Nicely said.

I know that feeling.  But for rudeness in my experience there is nothing worse than the abuse that people dish out when it's a company lunch.  Even when it's not my money I still see red when poeple order several rounds of apps that they know won't get eaten just to get it bagged to take home (or worse just get dumped).

Wow, that would never happen with my co-workers. None of them are that shameless. I order just the same for a company lunch as a I when I'm paying my own way: water, no appetizer, and an inexpensive entree. Most of my co-workers do the same, although some of them will order coke or tea.

FIREman2036

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Quote
I personally picked up the tab for an office "project completion" lunch once, since the Project Manager that had invited us didn't want to put it on the company card; because she was afraid to submit an expense report. It was around $400 and I didn't expense it either; just ate the cost as a lesson. It embarrassed her so badly she never failed to pick up the tab on any company celebrations after that...

In my company whenever i was on a trip with my project manager i would always pay for everything as he could then sign of the expenses without it going to senior management. Senior management also pull the same trick as their expenses have to be signed of at corporate headquarters in the US.

MillenialMustache

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I am thankful to normally not have this problem and basically always end up with a separate check.

I was shocked the one time it did happen - when I was in college and studied abroad in England, my professor took an organized group of interested students on a weekend side trip to Stonehenge. One night he wanted to go out for a nice dinner - I ordered nearly the cheapest thing on the menu and water. The others (about 10) split several bottles of wine, appetizers, etc. When the bill came, I was asked to pay three times the amount of my entree! I said no way, I was a poor college student and had ordered to reflect that. The professor got a little upset, but thankfully I had made friends with a couple of the other students and the stuck up for me and said it wasn't fair. I ended up paying my little portion, and they split the rest evenly. It was uncomfortable, and an early lesson for me.

iris lily

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I personally picked up the tab for an office "project completion" lunch once, since the Project Manager that had invited us didn't want to put it on the company card; because she was afraid to submit an expense report. It was around $400 and I didn't expense it either; just ate the cost as a lesson. It embarrassed her so badly she never failed to pick up the tab on any company celebrations after that...

* Here's to managing your finances so that a $400 dollar lunch is trivial. *

Very cool. And in the long run, Mustachean.

mm1970

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Total opposite - I went out for drinks for Mom's night last night - very nice place, happy hour.  The waitress AUTOMATICALLY gave everyone separate checks.  I tried to help pay for the apps, and my friends said no (turns out they were $3, I ate about $1 worth).  It was sweet!

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About ten years ago (while i studied) i hosted a surprise-party for a friend who was leaving for 3 months for a job to be done in vietnam. This party was not mine, it was some kind of gift from all of us to the guy, but I hosted the party at my parent's home.
There were about 12 guests, all of them where invited and brought their own meat and a side dishes for all of us.
I did the same und also bought the drinks (beer, soft drinks). It was a great party, but I had to prepare the patio/house in before, barbecue and tidy afterwards. Just short before ending of the party, the guests asked, what to pay for drinks.
I roughly calculated 5 € (~$7). But one guest asked me to pay just 3 € (~$4) because she drank no beer.
I was snubbed.
But these 2 € helped me to decide who to exclude from my social life.

dude

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Yep, my favorite is that a couple of us don't drink, but are expected to go out with people/friends to restaurants with bars.  The rest order several drinks and big meals and the have the gall to say everyone has to pay $38 (example only) plus tip.  I have in the past refused to do this, and have given the amount to cover what I ate and drank plus tip.  This position has actually gotten me out of several subsequent binges.

I went to law school with a lot of well-heeled people who did a variation of this -- while I'd be ordering $3 beers, they were ordering $12 cocktails -- and they'd split the bill evenly.  At a time when I was trying to meet people and socialize, it wasn't the time to be refusing to pay.  I seethed and let it go, resigning myself to never go to dinner with these people again.  Nowadays, I have no problem calling someone out at the table, and on the flipside, if someone tries to split the bill evenly when I've been the one ordering the more expensive items, I say, "hell no, you owe a lot less than I do, just pay for what you ordered."