Author Topic: Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table  (Read 22059 times)


AH013

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I know it's a satire, but I've actually had lunch with "Bradley McCray" many a time.  Usually "Bradley" orders seafood apps "for the table", knowing full well I don't eat seafood, tells me while he scarfs them done that I need to "get in on this" or "give it a try", and then wants to own reviewing the bill and telling us all what we owe. I usually have to remind Bradley I ordered my own app (or just ate the table bread), and he and the rest of the dude bros will have to split the $40 worth of tuna tartar, shrimp cocktails and raw oysters one less way.  Somehow I'm the asshole for not wanting to pay for food I never suggested, ordered or ate.

CommonCents

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My husband is always telling me that going to certain restaurants, you "must" adopt a policy of Mutually Assured Destruction.  We went out for a farewell dinner for a friend moving out of town at a tapas restaurant she suggested.  Unfortunately, the pescetarians immediately took over ordering for the table, ordering many dishes the other half of us didn't want.  Couldn't get them to back off on the number of those dishes, and ended up ordering insufficient dishes the other 4 of us would eat because we didn't want an insane bill, such that I left dinner still hungry.  At the end, one said she wouldn't have ordered this one larger entree dish if she had known we wouldn't eat it.  Wish I had a tape recording where we said we wouldn't eat it...  DH told me I should have just ordered more food, at least ensuring mutual destruction.  I told him that instead I was going to refuse to go to (expensive) family style share restaurants with certain folks.

Re apps, I just usually say, "I'm not going to eat it, but if you want it for yourself, go ahead."  That usually either gets them to either pick out something everyone will eat (if that's the issue, although I rarely eat apps), skip it, or order it for just themselves.

Joggernot

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Yep, my favorite is that a couple of us don't drink, but are expected to go out with people/friends to restaurants with bars.  The rest order several drinks and big meals and the have the gall to say everyone has to pay $38 (example only) plus tip.  I have in the past refused to do this, and have given the amount to cover what I ate and drank plus tip.  This position has actually gotten me out of several subsequent binges.

Cpa Cat

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I honestly didn't realize that people did this. I have never been out to a dinner where someone ordered appetizers for the table if they weren't picking up the bill. It seems very rude and presumptuous. My husband doesn't even order for me without consulting me first!

MgoSam

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Yeah, my mom has mentioned that when she goes out with her friends, if one person orders a drink then everyone will because they always split the bill. For me, I don't see what the issue is as generally when I go out with friends, we all just get our own bill for what we ordered. The only times we split it evenly is if we order something family style. If someone orders drinks, then it is on them to pay for it, and not ask for anyone to subsidize it.

And yeah I think it is a jackass thing to order for people without consulting them.

gimp

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I've never gone with someone who does this and then doesn't pay for it. Y'all need to hang out with fewer douches.


steadierfooting

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Ahh this drives me nuts when people suggest that.  It's never the person ordering water and a salad, but the guy ordering 5 drinks, apps, and entrees.  GRRR.

WannabeDone

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I've never gone with someone who does this and then doesn't pay for it. Y'all need to hang out with fewer douches.

Hahaha.  Love it!

welliamwallace

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It blows my mind that people struggle with speaking to their friends about such matters?!

So many options. You can suggest up front to the table that you get separate checks. You can get a single check and confirm "Let's just each pay for our own food." You can, at the end, when someone suggests splitting evenly, pipe up "Hey, I actually didn't order any drinks or appetizers, Sp I'm just going to pay for my own food, plus tax and tip". (Don't phrase it like a question).

aclarridge

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It blows my mind that people struggle with speaking to their friends about such matters?!

So many options. You can suggest up front to the table that you get separate checks. You can get a single check and confirm "Let's just each pay for our own food." You can, at the end, when someone suggests splitting evenly, pipe up "Hey, I actually didn't order any drinks or appetizers, Sp I'm just going to pay for my own food, plus tax and tip". (Don't phrase it like a question).

I do this, but I've had it happen where it's a birthday, and the group (myself included) wants to cut the bday person out of the bill. Then it gets too complicated to pay separate when everybody else is just splitting it evenly. Also sometimes you just don't want to make it complicated to save a few bucks. When so many people are talking it can be hard or rude to try to grab the bill and take care of yourself.

I like the Mutually Assured Destruction idea. However I only apply it in situations when I'm "forced" into it. With my usual friends this would be a non-issue.

Bob W

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Seems odd to me,  usually if a couple orders appetizers and they offer to share.  We might share.   We might even have them added to our bill.   Ordering for others and then expecting them to pay is tre rude.   

An eloquent MMM solution would be to avoid restaurants in general.   The food is very expensive.  I have noted times when I spend as much on a meal for 3 of us as I spend on groceries for a week. 

The food is generally not safe.  And I don't mean that in a cleanliness way.   I mean that in the super additives,  fried in soy oil that has been used for days,  with high wheat content and little regard for health sorta way.     

Next time your friends suggest going out to eat,  you might suggest to them that you would love to see them and invite them over for a special dinner.   If they offer to bring something,  have something in mind.   If not,  no big deal,  You can feed 8 friends a very nice dinner for the price it would cost you to pay for 2 at a restaurant.  The upside is that they may reciprocate in the future.   

I find eating in restaurants a bore and a necessary evil at times.  The whole thing is designed to part you with your money in the quickest possible fashion and to move you along.   

   

dragoncar

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It blows my mind that people struggle with speaking to their friends about such matters?!

So many options. You can suggest up front to the table that you get separate checks. You can get a single check and confirm "Let's just each pay for our own food." You can, at the end, when someone suggests splitting evenly, pipe up "Hey, I actually didn't order any drinks or appetizers, Sp I'm just going to pay for my own food, plus tax and tip". (Don't phrase it like a question).

I do this, but I've had it happen where it's a birthday, and the group (myself included) wants to cut the bday person out of the bill. Then it gets too complicated to pay separate when everybody else is just splitting it evenly. Also sometimes you just don't want to make it complicated to save a few bucks. When so many people are talking it can be hard or rude to try to grab the bill and take care of yourself.

I like the Mutually Assured Destruction idea. However I only apply it in situations when I'm "forced" into it. With my usual friends this would be a non-issue.

Yeah, I think there are times when separate checks is appropriate, and times when you just have accept splitting the bill evenly as a cost of going out.  Giant birthday parties is one time where I think it should be made clear up front that the bill will be split evenly (minus birthday person) and you can either come to the dinner and pay your share, or send your regrets.

Usually, with close friends I just split it in two.  I think it all evens out in the end, but if I order something ridiculously expensive, or the drinks are uneven, a few times in a row I'll just pick up the whole check and try to roughly even it out.  Or do "I'll handle the tip"*

*no, not like that you perv
« Last Edit: July 14, 2014, 10:56:40 PM by dragoncar »

Kaspian

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I always have "some other engagement" when co-workers or casual friends I know are spendy do these types of meals "but hopefully I can meet up with you guys later for a drink".  When I get there (an hour and fifteen minutes is usually a good wait) I order a drink from the bar and take it with me to their table.  Stay out of their dividing the check nonsense completely.  With my very, very close friends, we don't care much--we split it evenly or one of us picks it up, or we've eaten/drank 50% worth.  Anyone I've know for 20+ years and is a close inner-circle friend I've already gauged them as being fair and our costs even out in the long-run.

DoubleDown

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My husband is always telling me that going to certain restaurants, you "must" adopt a policy of Mutually Assured Destruction

This is also my best friend's strategy. When he goes out with a group, he always makes a point of ordering the most expensive things he can, and all the expensive cocktails he wants, since he figures he'll just end up paying for everyone else's decadence anyhow. I've had to join him in that strategy in the past. At least you don't end up feeling ripped off at the end of the meal!

This phenomenon of the douchebag who orders expensive food for "everyone at the table" is so common, I'm shocked at those who haven't encountered it! Clearly it's common enough to warrant an Onion satire piece.

Jags4186

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Friend takes liberty of ordering $40 worth of appetizers for entire table
« Reply #16 on: July 15, 2014, 02:16:44 PM »
SO and I are not big drinkers. If we go out with a group to watch a football game or something we might have 2 or 3 beers each tops. I have friends who order 10 or 12 beers during the same game. Then they want to split the bill evenly and are all "we all make good money it's not a big deal".


Well I'm sorry it is a big deal. If I sign up for a $40 night out I certainly didn't sign up for a $100 night out. It shouldn't matter how much I make or you make. The worst part is the weird look you get when you ask for a "separate check". I try to get there early and order the first round so I'm definitely on a separate tab.


Best thing I ever started doing was start carrying a lot of cash in small bills. I keep track of what SO and I order then calculate that with tip and leave that much and let everyone else figure out what they have to leave. I keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.

In a double date situation I find splitting the bill 50/50 to be the easiest way and usually people are more restrained couple to couple.
« Last Edit: July 15, 2014, 02:20:41 PM by Jags4186 »

rocksinmyhead

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yeah I feel really lucky, this almost NEVER happens to me. I feel like most restaurants nowadays are pretty cool about separate checks. usually if one person in the group wants apps they just pay for them and then offer to let other people snack on them as well. for a birthday dinner, usually one person will just offer to pick up the birthday person's meal at the end (often the one who planned the dinner or who is the closest friend present). I guess I just have awesome friends :)

...although, thinking about it, one thing that IS annoying and that came up recently when we went to a cheap neighborhood bar a few times to watch World Cup games on the patio... when we "rotate" buying buckets of beer but somehow my boyfriend and I end up buying two each and other people drink but never buy one... yeah not cool.

Mississippi Mudstache

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Never happens to me either. Of course, my wife and I never go out to dinner with friends, we eat at each others' homes. On the rare occasion when we eat out, it's just my wife and I (and usually our two kids). It probably has something to do with the fact that all of our friends also have kids, and an expensive night out with a herd of kids is no rational person's idea of a good time.

golden1

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Years ago, in my first post-college job, a group of colleagues used to do something called "Chow Scouts" where we would choose a new restaurant once a month to try.   This was a blast, but it led to some expensive mistakes.  One of our colleagues was a bit more adventurous than us and would ask the waiters what their favorite dishes were and then have them bring them sight unseen.  One time we were at a sushi place, and the waiter suggested an appetizer called "The Boat'.  The adventurous co-worker ordered one without asking the price and it turned out to be a giant plate of 100 pieces of sushi....everyone was furious...this "appetizer" cost several hundred dollars.

Paul der Krake

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One time we were at a sushi place, and the waiter suggested an appetizer called "The Boat'.  The adventurous co-worker ordered one without asking the price and it turned out to be a giant plate of 100 pieces of sushi....everyone was furious...this "appetizer" cost several hundred dollars.
That's a suicidal move on the waiter's part, I hope the restaurant made a gesture.

There are also people who will only pay "their share" of gas on roadtrips. As in "it's 600 miles and we only filled up once at $64 and there is four of us, so here is $16.00". Nevermind that there was gas already in the tank that got used, plus wear and tear on the vehicle, and the fact that they didn't drive. Harrumph.

Ohio Teacher

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I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

Rebecca Stapler

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I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a server to ask if people want separate checks.

aclarridge

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Or do "I'll handle the tip"*

*no, not like that you perv

LOL - FYI I am going to steal this joke and use it as my own.

Paul der Krake

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I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a server to ask if people want separate checks.
It must be a regional thing. Here, unless it's a large party (6+) or clearly a family (say two adults, and two young kids), they always ask.

Sylly

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One time we were at a sushi place, and the waiter suggested an appetizer called "The Boat'.  The adventurous co-worker ordered one without asking the price and it turned out to be a giant plate of 100 pieces of sushi....everyone was furious...this "appetizer" cost several hundred dollars.
That's a suicidal move on the waiter's part, I hope the restaurant made a gesture.

I thought it's fairly common knowledge that at a sushi joint, a boat is well.. a boat full of sushi. I don't know if I would call it appetizer, and some places have varying sizes of boats. Unless the waiter was explicitly touting it as an appetizer, was it possible he was suggesting the boat as a family-style meal, where the size was chosen based on the recommended size for the number of guests in the party?

dragoncar

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I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a server to ask if people want separate checks.
It must be a regional thing. Here, unless it's a large party (6+) or clearly a family (say two adults, and two young kids), they always ask.

It must be regional, but only because parties over 6 are really common here and I think that's what most of us are talking about.

Hunny156

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I agree on the regional thing too.  When we lived in the Northeast, everyone ordered what they wanted, and the bills were split evenly, which annoyed my SO & I, since we never drank, and the other parties would enjoy several cocktails a piece.

Out here in TX, it is super common for the wait staff to ask before ordering who is on what check, or when we ask for the check, we point to who is in each party, and separate checks are issued.  MUCH better!

The first time I went to a house party out here, I was horrified to see a neighbor bring an open bottle of wine, drink from it herself, and then take it back home w/her!  That would never fly in the Northeast - you bring something unopened, and even if it stays unopened, you never take anything back...

sheepstache

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Yeah, in New York City the waiters never offer separate checks.  If you want that, you have to ask at the beginning of the meal and they still might get huffy.

However--and I'm embarrassed it took me so long to learn this--it's easy to split the bill by writing on the back of the receipt how much goes on which card.  E.g., $42 on [card ending in] 4356.  Which makes sense, the waiter doesn't want to bother remembering what each individual ordered or know which couples are going to pay together or if people are splitting apps, etc. 

simonsez

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I view appetizers like rounds of shots or beers or whatever.  If you want to be the one making the decision to order a round for everyone, that's great, but it's on you to pony up unless a prior arrangement is made.

Also like shots or beers out places, appetizers and meals out are frickin' expensive!  Have the gang over and let them bring their own appetizers of their choosing and then happily fill up their glass for less than a dollar.  Personally, my wife and I love hosting and are okay with spending more than we would normally for a meal at home (like buying extra booze or enough types of food to satisfy myriad preferences) because it is still less or at least comparable to a meal out just the 2 of us. 

lysistrata

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Wow, some people have really bad-mannered friends!

My group goes out to eat a few times a year, usually for birthdays. We are usually between 20-40 people, so sometimes the restuarant doesn't want to split the bill. Also, when we have a party and we want to order pizza, they really only want one person to pay for that.

What we always do is have one person pay the bill (often it's me - I like getting the CC points), and then the next day we shoot a message around on FB letting everyone know what their share is. Sometimes we divide evenly, sometimes we split it down to exactly what was ordered (we agree on this beforehand, at the restaurant). Because someone has paid the huge chunk from their own money, people are very courteous and will pay quickly, and the person in charge of the bill can see who's paid and chase the stragglers up quickly. Maybe not everyone can do this with their friends, but it works for us.

We once had a situation where we went to an indian restaurant, ordered apps for the table, and a curry each. All the curries are basically the same price, except the vege ones - they're maybe $5 cheaper. Our vege friend ordered a curry ($15) and a drink ($7), and had a few of the apps, but not as many as the rest of us (we ordered too many) and then refused the even split because she felt the $31 even split wasn't fair on her. Which was true. So we agreed on $25 for her and just split that difference between the rest of us, added less than 50c to each person's bill, and was still a bargain for a great night :)

Bigote

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Here the culture is definitely an even split.   I'm not bothered by the appetizers, drinks, or slightly more expensive entre.

Its the wine that kills.


Inevitably, the biggest oenophile orders the wine, not the person with the less expensive taste.  With some of my friends, the wine total often exceeds the food total.

dragoncar

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Best thing I ever started doing was start carrying a lot of cash in small bills. I keep track of what SO and I order then calculate that with tip and leave that much and let everyone else figure out what they have to leave. I keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.


I just pretend to put money in, and keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.

-Frugaljerk

WannabeDone

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I just pretend to put money in, and keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.

-Frugaljerk


Hahahahaha!  That busted me up!   

Jags4186

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Best thing I ever started doing was start carrying a lot of cash in small bills. I keep track of what SO and I order then calculate that with tip and leave that much and let everyone else figure out what they have to leave. I keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.


I just pretend to put money in, and keep my mouth shut when they are inevitably "short" at the end.

-Frugaljerk

The handlebars are strong with you.

Shooter_D

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It's great when they order two bottles of wine as well, and those get split. I recently went out with friends of a friend and refrained from eating appetizers as I was trying to be mustachian... I mistakenly had one glass of wine. I got my appetizer and wine "share" on my bill and almost fainted.

It is definitely a good idea to only order and eat for yourself when out with a new group of people, or those prone to split everything!

Mississippi Mudstache

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I've seen this phenomenon in movies/TV but I've never experienced it in real life.  I don't know if this is just an Ohio thing, but around here, they ask you if you'd like one check or separate.  If you're out in a group of friends, you say separate and voila: everyone pays their actual share.  It's never occurred to me to divide up the check evenly regardless of what individual people ordered and it makes no sense to me to do it that way.

In my experience, it's pretty rare for a server to ask if people want separate checks.
It must be a regional thing. Here, unless it's a large party (6+) or clearly a family (say two adults, and two young kids), they always ask.

Separate bills are the norm here.

partgypsy

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Here's a question. A group of friends, acquantinces were meeting at a place for a drink every month or so (yes literally one drink). That tailed off. They want to start it again, with someone hosting it and making their signature drink. The idea is each person brings an app, and the host makes her drink, and everyone is expected to bring a monetary donation ($5) for her to buy ingredients for the drinks. to tell the truth stopping by the restaurant for 1 drink was pretty convenient, and as I would only have 1 drink (their special for that day) not that expensive. She wants to have it at her house because it is more convenient to her "and less expensive". But it's not really less expensive for me if I am both providing an app and money for drinks, and the location is less convenient. What would you do? I don't want to be the pisser.

MgoSam

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Here's a question. A group of friends, acquantinces were meeting at a place for a drink every month or so (yes literally one drink). That tailed off. They want to start it again, with someone hosting it and making their signature drink. The idea is each person brings an app, and the host makes her drink, and everyone is expected to bring a monetary donation ($5) for her to buy ingredients for the drinks. to tell the truth stopping by the restaurant for 1 drink was pretty convenient, and as I would only have 1 drink (their special for that day) not that expensive. She wants to have it at her house because it is more convenient to her "and less expensive". But it's not really less expensive for me if I am both providing an app and money for drinks, and the location is less convenient. What would you do? I don't want to be the pisser.

That seems entirely too complicated for my taste.

greenmimama

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Here's a question. A group of friends, acquantinces were meeting at a place for a drink every month or so (yes literally one drink). That tailed off. They want to start it again, with someone hosting it and making their signature drink. The idea is each person brings an app, and the host makes her drink, and everyone is expected to bring a monetary donation ($5) for her to buy ingredients for the drinks. to tell the truth stopping by the restaurant for 1 drink was pretty convenient, and as I would only have 1 drink (their special for that day) not that expensive. She wants to have it at her house because it is more convenient to her "and less expensive". But it's not really less expensive for me if I am both providing an app and money for drinks, and the location is less convenient. What would you do? I don't want to be the pisser.

Just be busy that night.

gimp

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That's odd. When I invite people over, I buy food and drinks and make them. I'd be insulted if they tried to pay.

Pooling resources makes sense if it's, like, an event. Whisky / wine / beer tasting, or a brew day, or a fancy food get-together, or whatever. Still, not money, but ingredients. "Bring your favorite bottle." "Bring lamb."

rocksinmyhead

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That's odd. When I invite people over, I buy food and drinks and make them. I'd be insulted if they tried to pay.

Pooling resources makes sense if it's, like, an event. Whisky / wine / beer tasting, or a brew day, or a fancy food get-together, or whatever. Still, not money, but ingredients. "Bring your favorite bottle." "Bring lamb."

agreed. I feel like this is weird. like, everyone else is paying for the food ('cause they're bringing it) AND drinks, and the hostess doesn't pay for anything?

gimp

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Gotta pay rent somehow!

seanc0x0

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Separate bills, I pay for what I order. Easy peasy.  You want me to pay for what YOU ordered? Nope.

partgypsy

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Not that big of deal in scheme of things but maybe I can suggest to have it at my house next : )

Tempe

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I might order 15$ worth of appetizers for the entire table, on my tab for everyone to share. I don't have any friends that would order without asking and ask other to pay up, but I also wouldn't have stayed friend with them anyways. I would be so angry if someone did that to me.

Albert

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It must be regional, but only because parties over 6 are really common here and I think that's what most of us are talking about.

I was trying to think when was the last time I was in a restaurant with five people and more and paying myself (= not from work) and couldn't remember such an occasion. Happens occasionally in a pub Friday night, but it's mostly beer then.

Strawberrykiwi75

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I can't believe some of the issues I'm hearing in this thread! Y'all need to get new friends lol.

We do it several ways here with my friends, and it always works out because we eat out a lot.
1. Go somewhere, agree to share and all collaborate on what we want to order. We also take bottles of wine with us and share these. Then the bill is split evenly because we only order things we agree on.
2. Separate bills. Everyone pays for what they ordered. We usually do this when we go for a treat so everyone can get what takes their fancy without arguing about the bill
3. If its going to be a hard bill to split for some reason, I pay got it on my credit card and message everyone what they owe. Money then appears in my bank account. I only ever do this with people I'm confident will pay me back
4. A couple of my friends and I just take turns cos we go out so often. Always works out about right in the grand scheme of things
5. Someone hosts for say, a BBQ or potluck. Host usually buys some snacks like crackers and cheese and provides one or two bottles of wine. Then everyone brings a component dictated by the host and some drinks. So for example, we have a group of 6 of us who do this regularly for a BBQ in summer. Host provides salad and bread. Another provides salad and non-alcoholic drinks. Three people bring meat of some kind. Last person brings dessert. We also rotate who brings what.

The key for all of the above to work is communication and friends being open and honest. We all trust each other and if there's anyone new in the group we automatically gravitate towards paying our own way

Chaplin

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And then there's credit card roulette: everyone puts their CC in a hat and the server picks one.
« Last Edit: July 19, 2014, 06:31:40 PM by chaplin »

Goldielocks

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I used to have a different problem.

At lunch with co workers eating out, there was always way too much cash in the collection even after a 30% tip for the staff.   We started to take the excess and ask if they wanted it to start an appetizer round next time, or we put it into the donations jar back at the office.  All those 10s and 20's rounded off added up.

I have even been treated by the birthday person to lunch on their birthday.  They would secretly buy for the table.