Author Topic: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"  (Read 9386 times)

zolotiyeruki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3936
  • Location: State: Denial
Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« on: December 12, 2020, 03:43:04 PM »
Here's the news story:
https://www.fox32chicago.com/news/woman-returns-3k-engagement-ring-because-its-too-cheap
Quote
Even though the ring he bought was only $3,000, it was designed in a way that his partner wanted, the man said. He even had the sapphire custom cut into a pear shape as she preferred.

Since she returned the ring, the man’s partner is reportedly “refusing” to talk to him.

“Her parents are accusing me of using her and treating her like cheap trash,” he wrote. “I've tried to explain my point of view but they won't listen and are demanding at least a 10% ring.”

Holy smokes man.  "Only $3,000"?  Run, don't walk, away from this family, sell the ring, and count it as a valuable (if expensive) lesson on values.

Sayyadina

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 22
  • Location: Victoria, BC
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2020, 04:16:06 PM »
What's a 10% ring?

ixtap

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2920
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2020, 04:23:19 PM »
What's a 10% ring?

Right? The only rule I have heard before is 2 months' salary, which is 16%.

But I can't help here. I have metal sensitivities and always said that any man who offered me a ring clearly didn't know me well enough for us to be getting married.

Well, that and financial independence has long been important enough to me that I can't imagine putting a price on a relationship.

Syonyk

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4113
    • Syonyk's Project Blog
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2020, 04:29:14 PM »
What's a 10% ring?

I believe "10% of your annual salary."

You know, second sentence of the linked article?

Quote
A woman reportedly returned her engagement ring to her partner because it didn’t cost 10% of his salary.

In any case, he dodged a bullet here.

Capsu78

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 736
  • Location: Chicagoland
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #4 on: December 12, 2020, 05:19:03 PM »
My wife and I have a private ongoing conversation about "Special Custom" wedding rings on the ring finger of "Basic Standard" women.
(FWIW, we picked out our wedding rings together...36 years ago...with no input from anyone other than her, me and the Tom Shane sales consultant eager for the sale)
« Last Edit: December 12, 2020, 05:50:14 PM by Capsu78 »

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7681
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #5 on: December 12, 2020, 07:31:49 PM »
This is what I posted on that thread:

"Dump her. She's worse than worseless as a life partner.

Promptly,

With zero remorse, except for the time you wasted on her.

You dodged a bullet. Three bullets, actually, if you include her mom and dad.

Consider this a wonderful lesson learned. Think hard about what were the warning signs you could have seen that she was this way so you won't waste any time on other women just like her.

AND you got the ring back so you can sell it to recoup some of your losses.

Best of luck!"

Malcat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4949
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #6 on: December 12, 2020, 07:51:54 PM »
That dude needs better taste in women...and their families.

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 14847
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #7 on: December 12, 2020, 08:50:35 PM »
My wife and I have a private ongoing conversation about "Special Custom" wedding rings on the ring finger of "Basic Standard" women.
(FWIW, we picked out our wedding rings together...36 years ago...with no input from anyone other than her, me and the Tom Shane sales consultant eager for the sale)

My DD's ring is custom.  They found a design they liked and picked the stones.  Definitely not $3000, because the main stone is something they liked much better than a diamond.

This guy definitely dodged the bullet.  And he needs to fix his picker, because I'm sure looking back he will see lots of warning signs.

Malcat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4949
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #8 on: December 12, 2020, 09:09:27 PM »
My wife and I have a private ongoing conversation about "Special Custom" wedding rings on the ring finger of "Basic Standard" women.
(FWIW, we picked out our wedding rings together...36 years ago...with no input from anyone other than her, me and the Tom Shane sales consultant eager for the sale)

My DD's ring is custom.  They found a design they liked and picked the stones.  Definitely not $3000, because the main stone is something they liked much better than a diamond.

This guy definitely dodged the bullet.  And he needs to fix his picker, because I'm sure looking back he will see lots of warning signs.

Yeah, if she and her family are this vocal about it, then there's no way this kind of attitude comes as much of a surprise.

The dude was asking if he was the asshole. If it's even a question, he needs serious therapy stat.

Taran Wanderer

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 855
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #9 on: December 12, 2020, 10:05:37 PM »
DW's ring cost us $7,500.  It's big, it's beautiful, it presents well in fancy company and at college reunions.  We would never get rid of it.  However...  thinking back, we should have gotten engaged a year earlier while traveling, and picked up a ring on the trip that was memorable and special to us.  I was too fixated on a fancy ring, and she didn't really care.

As fancy as DW's ring is, my ring is a $20 silver band.  And now I usually wear a silicone ring because it's a lot safer with tools and active sports.  (Have you every dislocated your finger with your ring on?  I did.  Not fun.)

Taran Wanderer

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 855
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #10 on: December 12, 2020, 10:06:09 PM »
And yes, he dodged a bullet... or three.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6779
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #11 on: December 13, 2020, 09:56:07 AM »
She should be glad that he is good with money. He is helping a lot of his family and no job is secure. 3k was plenty to spend.

foghorn

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 129
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #12 on: December 13, 2020, 11:22:39 AM »
This guy dodged a major bullet.  Can you imagine what he would have had to deal with for the rest of his life, if he had married her? 

The house is not big enough.
The car is not luxurious enough.
Our vacation needs to be more extravagant.
It would have never ended....


In the words of the immortal Al Buddy - Never Marry.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLAgViJoTbc

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4339
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #13 on: December 13, 2020, 08:35:32 PM »
This doesn't make sense. I feel like there is more to story. Why are the parents complaining daughter is being treated like trash, when the man proposed and intends to marry her? Just screwy.either yes the parents are busy buddies and the women is entitled, unless he left something out. One total hypothetical. Says he supporting multiple family members. Maybe he bought one of them something more than 3k (or the family member used his money to buy something worth more than ring). The fiance may see that and feel she is last in line. I remember hearing a story where the woman was upset the ring cost less than a grand. But after people being outraged o his behalf, also mentioned how he made her wait to get engaged, because he kept buying himself toys including a stereo system that cost 3x what the ring cost.
« Last Edit: December 13, 2020, 08:56:39 PM by partgypsy »

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7681
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #14 on: December 13, 2020, 08:37:23 PM »
This doesn't make. I feel like there is more to story. Why are the parents complaining daughter is being treated like trash, when the man proposed and intends to marry her? Just screwy.
Because he was supposed to spend thousands more on the ring, that's why.

We, of course, think that's a damn stupid thing to do.  There are others, who are much more materialistic and greedy, who don't.

Adventine

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1720
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Manila, Philippines
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #15 on: December 13, 2020, 08:52:27 PM »
This doesn't make. I feel like there is more to story. Why are the parents complaining daughter is being treated like trash, when the man proposed and intends to marry her? Just screwy.
Because he was supposed to spend thousands more on the ring, that's why.

We, of course, think that's a damn stupid thing to do.  There are others, who are much more materialistic and greedy, who don't.

Yes, it sounds stupid to a Mustachian, but for so many of the, ahem, unenlightened, the value of the engagement ring is proportional to how much you value your fiancé(e) and how willing/able you are to provide for them.

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4339
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2020, 08:58:20 PM »
This doesn't make. I feel like there is more to story. Why are the parents complaining daughter is being treated like trash, when the man proposed and intends to marry her? Just screwy.
Because he was supposed to spend thousands more on the ring, that's why.

We, of course, think that's a damn stupid thing to do.  There are others, who are much more materialistic and greedy, who don't.

Yes, it sounds stupid to a Mustachian, but for so many of the, ahem, unenlightened, the value of the engagement ring is proportional to how much you value your fiancé(e) and how willing/able you are to provide for them.
yes. But she is already living with him, have a child together and he is supporting both of them, so they don't need a "litmus" test to prove that. Hence, screwy.

AO1FireTo

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 110
  • Location: Toronto
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2020, 09:00:19 PM »
Wow, like most on the thread, I agree he dodged a bullet.  Wait until it would have been time to plan the wedding, that would have been a disaster.

I'm so glad my wife doesn't care about that crap.  In fact she's more frugal than I am most of the time.  Here's a list of commonly held beliefs we need to eliminate:

1.  Three months salary for an engagement ring.
2.  Gifts at Valentines day.  Oh so it's a slow retail time, let's guilt people into spending inflated prices for crap like cards, flowers that die.
3.  Actually cards altogether, how about actually hand writing a personalized note to the person instead.
4.  Having a big wedding, instead of investing that money for the future.

My wife is from China, a lot of these stupid western traditions are being picked up there too.  Marketers are good at separating people from their money.

Adventine

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1720
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Manila, Philippines
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2020, 09:06:44 PM »
This doesn't make. I feel like there is more to story. Why are the parents complaining daughter is being treated like trash, when the man proposed and intends to marry her? Just screwy.
Because he was supposed to spend thousands more on the ring, that's why.

We, of course, think that's a damn stupid thing to do.  There are others, who are much more materialistic and greedy, who don't.

Yes, it sounds stupid to a Mustachian, but for so many of the, ahem, unenlightened, the value of the engagement ring is proportional to how much you value your fiancé(e) and how willing/able you are to provide for them.
yes. But she is already living with him, have a child together and he is supporting both of them, so they don't need a "litmus" test to prove that. Hence, screwy.

Agreed, we don't think this couple needs the litmus test of a ring. But some people do. Unfortunately, the fiancée and her parents have attached such emotional value to the idea of an expensive engagement ring that they ignore the other markers of a valid, serious, long-term relationship.

I speak from experience. I'm engaged, but I don't have a ring because I dislike wearing them and I prefer the money was invested. My family still has a hard time considering my engagement as "legitimate" without a ring, even though my fiancé moved across the world to be with me, we have lived together, and we have comingled finances.

I certainly wish my family thought differently. But the mental conditioning is there. And the only way they will change their minds is if they continue to see us live happily, frugally after, without any big shiny jewelry :)
« Last Edit: December 14, 2020, 02:12:10 AM by Adventine »

Syonyk

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4113
    • Syonyk's Project Blog
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #19 on: December 14, 2020, 04:28:55 PM »
4.  Having a big wedding, instead of investing that money for the future.

...

Marketers are good at separating people from their money.

And it works so well!

You convince people they need a huge, blowout, $100k wedding or their marriage isn't valued.  So, they put it all on credit cards and such, borrow money, the works.

Then, because one of the major stresses in a marriage is finance, you've saddled a newly-wed couple with tons of debt, creating stress, and stress in marriage, often enough, leads to divorce.

SO, then, clearly, the wedding just wasn't big enough to prove that the marriage would be solid, and you get to sell the new couple an even bigger wedding!

Do it right, you can get a couple big weddings out of the same person!

Done wrong?  Some little, "discount wedding on a budget" sort of thing, you might only get to sell it once if they stay married.  Bad for business, you know...

=========

The wedding industrial complex is crazy.  If you can dream it, someone sells it as an "essential part of the wedding."

Ours was nice and low stress, we pretty much let the place we had it at do the planning, under the "Whatever you think is reasonable and cheap" approach.  They did it 4-5 times a weekend, all summer long, we planned to do it once and didn't really care what the table centerpieces looked like. :)  So far, so good!

jinga nation

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1714
  • Location: 'Murica's Johnson
  • Left, Right, Peddlin' Shite
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #20 on: December 15, 2020, 08:17:36 AM »
the pressure is too fucked up to buy a x% ring for us guys, especially when we're young and in love. I've felt it. sister told me to spend 15%. mom said it had to be white gold.

awesome wife and i didn't want diamonds, we'd just watched a documentary on blood diamonds in Africa, where we're from (but the issue has more awareness in the western hemisphere).

we got the smallest diamond the jeweller had, not top grade (wife said she's not going to daydream while staring at a rock), a simple ring and band for her, and a bare-bones band for me. white gold because my mum insisted (in hindsight a terrible idea, wife and I love yellow gold). i think we paid $700-800 for 3 white gold bands/rings and stone.

i worked in RF/Electromagnetics with high current equipment. got my finger zapped while setting up experiments. eventually i ended up putting the wedding band on a gold chain around my neck. after a while that also got irritating and in the way when setting up antennas. so now my band (and gold chain) are property of wife.

if i had to spend ridiculous amounts on a wedding ring, i'd say fuck this and elope. and use my money towards a house or a kitchen upgrade or something actually usable. or VTSAX.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2021, 07:15:40 PM by jinga nation »

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7681
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #21 on: December 15, 2020, 08:28:36 AM »
Our wedding rings were gifts from friends.   We were too poor to do anything fancy.  Or even cheap.    Our entire marriage budget (license, fees, wedding and reception) was $50, which was a HUGE amount of money to us at the time.  We told folks if they wanted something to eat at the reception it would be wise to bring it.

v8rx7guy

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2104
  • Age: 35
  • Location: Bellingham, WA
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #22 on: December 15, 2020, 08:33:37 AM »
Broken engagements are horrible, I do not wish that upon anyone having gone through one.  But I'll say for this guy, better to cut this one off now than either living with her for the rest of his life or being divorced from her in a few years.

Malcat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4949
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #23 on: December 15, 2020, 09:29:58 AM »
Broken engagements are horrible, I do not wish that upon anyone having gone through one.  But I'll say for this guy, better to cut this one off now than either living with her for the rest of his life or being divorced from her in a few years.

I've been through it twice and I really think the level of suffering depends entirely on the individual relationship that's breaking up.

bbqbonelesswing

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 288
  • Age: 28
  • Location: Philly
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #24 on: December 15, 2020, 09:41:31 AM »
Yikes. I got engaged earlier this year, and if my SO had that kind of reaction, I would be single now instead.

I spent about $1,300 and got a great ring that my SO loves and everyone compliments. There's no need to spend a certain percent of your salary; it's more important to get something you like, because you're going to be wearing it (ideally) the rest of your life.

Syonyk

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4113
    • Syonyk's Project Blog
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #25 on: December 15, 2020, 10:00:26 AM »
i worked in RF/Electromagnetics with high current equipment. got my finger zapped while setting up experiments. eventually i ended up putting the wedding band on a gold chain around my neck. after a while that also got irritating and in the way when setting up antennas. so now my band (and gold chain) are property of wife.

Mine sits on my nightstand... I wear it on occasion, but overall don't, for similar reasons.  I was doing a lot of battery pack rebuilds for a while, and a couple hundred amps of lithium-sourced current flowing through my finger if I shorted something just didn't sound like any fun to me.

My wife's father doesn't wear his either (he drilled wells for a living), so it's normal to her.  I keep meaning to get one of those silicone ones, but it's just not an issue that really needs solving.

On the plus side, my two piece tungsten ring didn't stay quite as attached together as it was intended to, so now I have a spinner ring. :D

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4339
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #26 on: December 15, 2020, 11:16:09 AM »
Way back when I got married, ex and I picked out a ring together (had it made) and it cost $640, which was a huge amount of money to us at the time. I did end up losing that ring a number of years later, and replacing with another ring at an anniversary (9th). Anyways to me it WAS special that he was willing at the time to let me pick out my dream ring (emerald center stone). I don't think wanting a nice ring is per se a "bad" thing. But it is good if both people are on the same relative page about it, and in my case there was no heirloom ring for me to have (which I would have been happy with too). I would not consider what he picked out cheap nor thoughtless, so hopefully they can work through this.

I DO know a couple engagement ring horror stories. For example I know a women who was dating this guy, who then unexpectedly proposed with a HUGE ring, along with very fancy NYC proposal. She said yes, and then said, you know we need to talk about this ring because I'm not comfortable with what you must have had to spend on it" at which point he said "don't worry, it's a cz". Anyways the whole proposal + ring situation was a big red flag that helped her also miss a bullet regarding marrying the wrong person (turned out he was gay!).   

Another example. My lil brother got married after a very quick/nonexistent engagement to a woman. She struck me as very down to earth both the way she was and also that the engagement ring was literally a marcasite ring from Kohls. But- after they got married she would do things like go out and buy a brand new car with huge payment. Or pressure my brother to buy a much more expensive house for them to live in. So her choice in engagement ring did NOT reflect her real attitude towards money. Just that she wasn't really a ring person.
« Last Edit: December 15, 2020, 11:21:52 AM by partgypsy »

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4339
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #27 on: December 15, 2020, 11:32:50 AM »
As far as wearing rings or not wearing wedding rings and the meaning behind (wearing or not wearing), it really varies by person. When ex and I first got married, he initially did not want to wear his wedding band and wore on a string around his neck because he thought it would bother him. But then he put it on and wore it for the next 20 years, perfectly comfortable even though he works with his hands.
However I don't know if initially but certainly by the end, him wearing a wedding band posed absolutely no barrier regarding either women hitting on him, or him being faithful in the marriage. Honestly from the way he described it it almost made him more of a "catch". Which is messed up.

And even though I'm not married I enjoy wearing rings and usually wear a ring on my right hand, just because I enjoy jewelry.

Syonyk

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4113
    • Syonyk's Project Blog
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #28 on: December 15, 2020, 11:44:26 AM »
However I don't know if initially but certainly by the end, him wearing a wedding band posed absolutely no barrier regarding either women hitting on him, or him being faithful in the marriage. Honestly from the way he described it it almost made him more of a "catch". Which is messed up.

"Preselection" is the term describing that.  Someone felt he was decent enough to get married to, so it improves the odds he's not a total loser.

20957

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 146
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #29 on: December 15, 2020, 12:27:21 PM »
My engagement ring is an antique with no diamonds. We picked it out together and I still consider it a somewhat ridiculous amount to spend on jewelry- $200 if I remember correctly. It's the most expensive piece of jewelry I own - I think - I have since inherited 2 pieces that may or may not be quite valuable.

I find $3k an absurd cost for a ring. But then, I think it's an entirely reasonable amount to spend on a painting, so obviously people have different values and I have no standing to criticize :)

saguaro

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 203
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #30 on: December 15, 2020, 02:53:19 PM »
Broken engagements are horrible, I do not wish that upon anyone having gone through one.  But I'll say for this guy, better to cut this one off now than either living with her for the rest of his life or being divorced from her in a few years.

I've been through it twice and I really think the level of suffering depends entirely on the individual relationship that's breaking up.

Went through it once.  Was not pleasant at first for either of us but over time I will have to say it got easier for me once I realized the big bullet I had dodged.   He, on the other hand, it took a while.   Even so, I do not regret it. 

cupcakery

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 70
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #31 on: December 16, 2020, 06:40:06 AM »
I would have been furious if my husband had spent that much on my ring.  My grandmother told me to return my ring, because it was too small.  I was offended, but not surprised.  (My grandparents died destitute.)  I was happy to have a ring at all, as I had not been expecting one.  I have tiny hands and a large ring would look ridiculous on me.  Plus, I like money in the bank.  It makes me swoon.

Jouer

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 466
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #32 on: December 16, 2020, 07:23:38 AM »
This doesn't make. I feel like there is more to story. Why are the parents complaining daughter is being treated like trash, when the man proposed and intends to marry her? Just screwy.
Because he was supposed to spend thousands more on the ring, that's why.

We, of course, think that's a damn stupid thing to do.  There are others, who are much more materialistic and greedy, who don't.

Yes, it sounds stupid to a Mustachian, but for so many of the, ahem, unenlightened, the value of the engagement ring is proportional to how much you value your fiancé(e) and how willing/able you are to provide for them.
yes. But she is already living with him, have a child together and he is supporting both of them, so they don't need a "litmus" test to prove that. Hence, screwy.

You've met people though, right?  : )

sonofsven

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 79
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #33 on: December 17, 2020, 06:54:46 AM »
Should have called me. "I've got a friend in the diamond business" 😂

NYExpat

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 31
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #34 on: December 17, 2020, 08:08:09 AM »
Seriously, that's a run, don't walk situation.  When I got married 7 years ago, I got a simple ring because we had $60K in student loans and I didn't have a solid job. When the in-laws are obsessed with a certain price point, that's some next level nonsense. Are they going to ask for a dowry too?

SwordGuy

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7681
  • Location: Fayetteville, NC
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #35 on: December 17, 2020, 09:16:16 AM »
Seriously, that's a run, don't walk situation.  When I got married 7 years ago, I got a simple ring because we had $60K in student loans and I didn't have a solid job. When the in-laws are obsessed with a certain price point, that's some next level nonsense. Are they going to ask for a dowry too?

The dowry is paid by the parents of the BRIDE.   I think the fellow should contact her parents and say he expects a better dowry, like $1,000,000, if he's going to marry her.

RetiredAt63

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 14847
  • Location: Eastern Ontario, Canada
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #36 on: December 17, 2020, 09:50:31 AM »
I went back to reread the story.  They are (were at this point?) living together with an 18 month old child.  He was facing a possible layoff because of Covid and had been helping family affected by Covid.  So he is a responsible considerate family man.  However he is paying her a salary to be a SAHM Instead of her going back to work as she had planned?!? That is so weird on his part.  Why didn't they get married or do a cohabitation agreement or something?  I get the feeling she thinks his birth family is more important to him than she is and the ring was just confirmation.  All speculation on my part, of course.

Chris Pascale

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 420
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #37 on: December 30, 2020, 09:21:44 AM »
My wife and I don't wear jewelry, but I did lay down a whopping $300 for both bands back in 2004 when I was heading down for the wedding.

Over the next few years she and I lost 5 rings between us, and finally just stopped replacing them.

zolotiyeruki

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3936
  • Location: State: Denial
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #38 on: December 30, 2020, 01:01:02 PM »
My wife and I don't wear jewelry, but I did lay down a whopping $300 for both bands back in 2004 when I was heading down for the wedding.

Over the next few years she and I lost 5 rings between us, and finally just stopped replacing them.
After a few kids, my wife's fingers no longer fit in her wedding band.  So I bought a variety of visually-identical stainless steel bands from eBay for about $4 each.  Unless you look really closely, you'd never know it wasn't white gold.

Sunder

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 22
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #39 on: January 01, 2021, 01:54:52 AM »
Reminds me of this study:
Quote
With engagement rings, the researchers found that the more money spent, the more likely it was to divorce - especially once the cost of the ring reaches more than $2,000 (£1,500).

“Specifically, in the sample of men, spending between $2,000 and $4,000 (£3,000) on an engagement ring is associated with 1.3 times greater hazard of divorce as compared to spending between $500 (£376) and $2,000,” the paper reads.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/wedding-cost-marriage-divorce-ring-how-much-price-study-a8435646.html%3famp



Mighty Eyebrows

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 123
  • Location: Vancouver Island, Canada
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #40 on: January 01, 2021, 02:20:46 AM »
Can someone explain to me this weird custom of attaching metal things to your appendages to signify spousal partnership? On my planet material things cannot stand in for actual commitment. (Obviously a very distant planet).


Adventine

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1720
  • Age: 31
  • Location: Manila, Philippines
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #41 on: January 01, 2021, 02:43:14 AM »
Can someone explain to me this weird custom of attaching metal things to your appendages to signify spousal partnership? On my planet material things cannot stand in for actual commitment. (Obviously a very distant planet).

Hello, fellow alien! How lucky to meet you here on planet Earth, of all places.

This is a planet of visual signals, where the inhabitants gauge each other using nonverbal cues. It is said that these metal things signal many things: social status, financial status, financial investment in the partnership, emotional attachment to the partner, sexual (un)availability, personal style, and so on.

Alas, Earthlings have wildly different ways of interpreting these metal items, and sometimes partners cannot even agree on what is an appropriate metal item for their own partnership, leading to newsworthy articles such as the original post.

Strange, no? But entertaining, for sure.

Chris Pascale

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 420
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #42 on: January 01, 2021, 06:01:56 PM »
Can someone explain to me this weird custom of attaching metal things to your appendages to signify spousal partnership? On my planet material things cannot stand in for actual commitment. (Obviously a very distant planet).

To quote Dick from "3rd Rock from the Sun," where I come from the big ones [diamonds] are used as doorstops.

Mighty Eyebrows

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 123
  • Location: Vancouver Island, Canada
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #43 on: January 01, 2021, 10:37:21 PM »
Can someone explain to me this weird custom of attaching metal things to your appendages to signify spousal partnership? On my planet material things cannot stand in for actual commitment. (Obviously a very distant planet).

Hello, fellow alien! How lucky to meet you here on planet Earth, of all places.

This is a planet of visual signals, where the inhabitants gauge each other using nonverbal cues. It is said that these metal things signal many things: social status, financial status, financial investment in the partnership, emotional attachment to the partner, sexual (un)availability, personal style, and so on.

Alas, Earthlings have wildly different ways of interpreting these metal items, and sometimes partners cannot even agree on what is an appropriate metal item for their own partnership, leading to newsworthy articles such as the original post.

Strange, no? But entertaining, for sure.

Haha. Too true.

As a kid, I was always mystified by social conventions.

Why is it so important to put forks and knives in certain spots on the table?
Why do some people wear suits and ties and what function does a tie serve?
Why do we buy an expensive colorful piece of paper for someone and write on it for their birthday?

After several decades, I still don't wear a wedding ring. Luckily my spousal unit is very understanding of my alien puzzlement.

Malcat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4949
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #44 on: January 02, 2021, 07:31:39 AM »
Can someone explain to me this weird custom of attaching metal things to your appendages to signify spousal partnership? On my planet material things cannot stand in for actual commitment. (Obviously a very distant planet).

Hello, fellow alien! How lucky to meet you here on planet Earth, of all places.

This is a planet of visual signals, where the inhabitants gauge each other using nonverbal cues. It is said that these metal things signal many things: social status, financial status, financial investment in the partnership, emotional attachment to the partner, sexual (un)availability, personal style, and so on.

Alas, Earthlings have wildly different ways of interpreting these metal items, and sometimes partners cannot even agree on what is an appropriate metal item for their own partnership, leading to newsworthy articles such as the original post.

Strange, no? But entertaining, for sure.

Haha. Too true.

As a kid, I was always mystified by social conventions.

Why is it so important to put forks and knives in certain spots on the table?
Why do some people wear suits and ties and what function does a tie serve?
Why do we buy an expensive colorful piece of paper for someone and write on it for their birthday?

After several decades, I still don't wear a wedding ring. Luckily my spousal unit is very understanding of my alien puzzlement.

The tie cuts off a significant amount of blood circulation to the brain effectively rendering the wearer slightly brain damaged, which makes them easier to control. That's why men have to wear them at work and at weddings.

Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4528
  • Age: 125
  • Location: Just past the red barn on the left.
  • Here to learn.
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #45 on: January 04, 2021, 12:10:29 PM »
I made various life choices so I didn't need to wear a tie after the military. Ties are awful. I'll wear one OCCASIONALLY but it damn well better be a special occasion. I don't think they look good, I don't think they serve a purpose besides indicating tribal membership. Right now its been about 15+ years since I wore a tie. 

ChickenStash

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 201
  • Location: Midwest US
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #46 on: January 04, 2021, 12:17:33 PM »
My experience with ties tells me they only serve as a very expensive and difficult to clean bib. I'm glad I don't have a job that makes me wear one.

NYExpat

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 31
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #47 on: January 21, 2021, 07:31:11 AM »
We were at a Jared store getting my wife's engagement ring looked at because one of the prongs was damaged a bit. The sales person asked how long we'd been married and we replied 7 years. "Oh is it time for an upgrade?" I wanted to reply "I'm proud of that ring I got her after college without a great job. No we're not going to 'upgarade'.  Instead I just patted my wife's leg and said "No I'm keeping you I don't want to upgrade you." Seriously though does that BS work on people?

Malcat

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4949
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #48 on: January 21, 2021, 07:36:15 AM »
We were at a Jared store getting my wife's engagement ring looked at because one of the prongs was damaged a bit. The sales person asked how long we'd been married and we replied 7 years. "Oh is it time for an upgrade?" I wanted to reply "I'm proud of that ring I got her after college without a great job. No we're not going to 'upgarade'.  Instead I just patted my wife's leg and said "No I'm keeping you I don't want to upgrade you." Seriously though does that BS work on people?

Yes, it absolutely does.

partgypsy

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4339
Re: Fiancee returns $3k ring - "too cheap"
« Reply #49 on: January 21, 2021, 01:38:54 PM »
We were at a Jared store getting my wife's engagement ring looked at because one of the prongs was damaged a bit. The sales person asked how long we'd been married and we replied 7 years. "Oh is it time for an upgrade?" I wanted to reply "I'm proud of that ring I got her after college without a great job. No we're not going to 'upgarade'.  Instead I just patted my wife's leg and said "No I'm keeping you I don't want to upgrade you." Seriously though does that BS work on people?
Good response!  I have to admit I 💕 me jewelry and it is (well was) one of the few things I'd spend money on. But I 🤔 no I am an odd person out on this site. From experience (mine and others) know that ring size/price  doesn't equal love/commitment. My only caveat is, if during this process one person has to have everything their way, and not listen or take in consideration the other person's preferences or wishes, that IS a red flag. Being in a relationship, means being able to listen, communicate, come to agreement from different perspectives. I really appreciated my ex going along with the whole ring thing, even though he wasn't a jewelry person, but because it made me happy. 
« Last Edit: January 21, 2021, 01:52:32 PM by partgypsy »