Author Topic: Family Member Fails  (Read 32751 times)

Steeze

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Family Member Fails
« on: June 29, 2019, 09:13:50 PM »
My parents are in their 60’s, no savings, no retirement, and owe as much on their home as they did when they bought it 20 years ago. They are unable to save and often complain about their high utility bills, nearly 450$/mo for electric and gas.

I am up visiting them this weekend and was stunned to find their AC set to 67F! Not only is that insanely low, but they live in the mountains! It is a beautiful 75F during the day and 65F at night! It’s colder outside than inside and they are running the AC! Not only that, but they insist on cooling the living room area while they sleep in their room with the door shut! Such waste. These are people getting ready to live on fixed income Social Security at an income less than 1/2 what they make now. Doomed.

I am very likely Mustachian because my parents suck at money and always have.

What ridiculous things do your family members do to waste money while also complaining about the cost!?

« Last Edit: July 02, 2019, 04:59:38 AM by Steeze »

RetiredAt63

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2019, 05:30:14 AM »
Ooh that hurts just to read.  I am sitting here in my 20C house (25C last night) with all the windows open  enjoying the cool 16C breeze.  Sorry but your parents are nuts.

2microsNH

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2019, 06:10:40 AM »
My mom and step-dad are in the same boat: no savings, very little income, very small monthly SS check -- he's an ex-con and transports rental cars for $10/hr three days a week, my mom isn't working because (initially) she couldn't find a job and now because of ongoing health problems. In the past five years, they have:

Bought and sold a small boat after using it for two years
Bought and sold a motorcycle after using it for two years
Moved to a more expensive (but warmer) city with tons of retirees, making it harder for them to find work at their skill level / age
Taken all their money out of the stock market when they saw a slight downturn
Taken a $3000 loan to pay for an elective surgery
Purchased a life insurance plan from a door-to-door insurance salesman

They also eat out for every dinner --- not quality food as "foodies" would do, but rather Village Inn, Denny's, Taco Bell, and other crap like that.

When I comment on this, my boyfriend says, "They're old and should be able to spend their money however they want. If they want to eat out, they should be able to eat out." That's easy for him to say -- his parents are loaded and he doesn't have to worry about bailing them out. My mom is one crisis or one stupid spending decision away from homeless.
« Last Edit: June 30, 2019, 06:12:48 AM by 2microsNH »

Gail2000

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2019, 06:41:28 AM »

When I comment on this, my boyfriend says, "They're old and should be able to spend their money however they want. If they want to eat out, they should be able to eat out." That's easy for him to say -- his parents are loaded and he doesn't have to worry about bailing them out. My mom is one crisis or one stupid spending decision away from homeless.
My grandmother is lucky she has a pension from my grandfather. All her savings squandered and she was homeless technically until her oldest intervened. She now lives in a one room apartment in an old folks home. A tajma hall compared to some of the others there who have to share a communal bathroom. She does not acknowledge how close she was to being on the streets and now my father is out 5000$ he needs to put away for his own retirement. Shut up she said. I know what Iím doing she said. Now sheís whining until she gets a tv.

six-car-habit

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2019, 03:42:10 PM »
  ***When I comment on this, my boyfriend says, "They're old and should be able to spend their money however they want. If they want to eat out, they should be able to eat out." ****

Klaxon sounds, Warning lights, Alarm bells.......boyfriend future spending alert !

Just Joe

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #5 on: July 01, 2019, 09:50:20 PM »
Elderly relatives discussing replacing their second car with something new or nearly new. Just did the same with their first car a year or so ago. The thing is that they don't drive the second car. Ever. One half of their marriage is nearly unable to walk across the house let alone drive. Why do they need a second car for anything? Must be some version of optimism.

Bloop Bloop

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #6 on: July 02, 2019, 12:24:36 AM »
I'm sad that people have dysfunctional families. I'm happy that my family is mostly good at finances. The most I can add to this thread is an annoying cousin who tries to show off her wealth by talking about her business and her expensive cars (which she bought on her husband's dime, mind you - she married into money). I have no issue with buying expensive things if you have a lot of money, but I think it's crass to mention it in public, particularly if you didn't earn it yourself.

JestJes

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #7 on: July 02, 2019, 08:19:48 AM »
  ***When I comment on this, my boyfriend says, "They're old and should be able to spend their money however they want. If they want to eat out, they should be able to eat out." ****

Klaxon sounds, Warning lights, Alarm bells.......boyfriend future spending alert !


This was so what I was thinking! RED ALERT

OtherJen

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #8 on: July 02, 2019, 09:07:18 AM »
Elderly relatives discussing replacing their second car with something new or nearly new. Just did the same with their first car a year or so ago. The thing is that they don't drive the second car. Ever. One half of their marriage is nearly unable to walk across the house let alone drive. Why do they need a second car for anything? Must be some version of optimism.

Are we related? You just described my in-laws.

BlueHouse

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #9 on: July 02, 2019, 11:21:37 AM »
I'm so grateful for monthly payouts like SS because otherwise my mother would be broke.  She spends money on stupid things that no one needs because "she likes the people".  She does a lot of volunteering and one of the things she does is farmers' markets.  She buys so much overpriced stuff and the majority of it goes bad because she buys too much.  Boston lettuce at $6 for a quart size baggie?  Jeez!  It makes me crazy. 

the only thing I can tell myself to calm down is "at least she doesn't have a drug problem"

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #10 on: July 02, 2019, 11:33:52 AM »
I'm so grateful for monthly payouts like SS because otherwise my mother would be broke.  She spends money on stupid things that no one needs because "she likes the people".  She does a lot of volunteering and one of the things she does is farmers' markets.  She buys so much overpriced stuff and the majority of it goes bad because she buys too much.  Boston lettuce at $6 for a quart size baggie?  Jeez!  It makes me crazy. 

the only thing I can tell myself to calm down is "at least she doesn't have a drug problem"

Took my daughter to a farmer's market when I thought we were going to split a giant ice cream sandwich for $6; turns out it was half the size I thought, which was actually an appropriate serving.

A Fella from Stella

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #11 on: July 02, 2019, 11:47:03 AM »
A relative bought a home that in-laws wanted to help a friend sell.

The result? They spent too much on a home that's too small that needed to be completely updated in a school district they didn't want.

A month later, after much careful shopping, and not listening to that my relative's in-laws about another property, I spent the same amount for a one twice as large in a more desirable school district.

According to Redfin, my relative's home went up $60,000, and mine went up $137,000 in about the same time period.

To be fair, I've bought a number of homes, but also to be fair, this relative knows I've bought more homes than most people, and could have asked me even for the most basic advice.

mm1970

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #12 on: July 02, 2019, 02:09:46 PM »
Elderly relatives discussing replacing their second car with something new or nearly new. Just did the same with their first car a year or so ago. The thing is that they don't drive the second car. Ever. One half of their marriage is nearly unable to walk across the house let alone drive. Why do they need a second car for anything? Must be some version of optimism.

Are we related? You just described my in-laws.
Elderly people are a great source of lightly used cars though!

BFive55

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #13 on: July 02, 2019, 04:14:24 PM »
My parents are in their 60ís, no savings, no retirement, and owe as much on their home as they did when they bought it 20 years ago. They are unable to save and often complain about their high utility bills, nearly 450$/mo for electric and gas.

I am up visiting them this weekend and was stunned to find their AC set to 67F! Not only is that insanely low, but they live in the mountains! It is a beautiful 75F during the day and 65F at night! Itís colder outside than inside and they are running the AC! Not only that, but they insist on cooling the living room area while they sleep in their room with the door shut! Such waste. These are people getting ready to live on fixed income Social Security at an income less than 1/2 what they make now. Doomed.

I am very likely Mustachian because my parents suck at money and always have.

What ridiculous things do your family members do to waste money while also complaining about the cost!?

Wow, that is crazy. My dad and his ex-wife had a house that was usually set pretty low. But he didn't like it much and she always wanted it colder. Thankfully they could afford it.

My AC is set at 78 right now and was 77 while I was gone at work all day. The coldest I ever put it is 72 if I'm feeling bad for some reason but I usually have it at 75-77. Usually 77. Winter time I keep it colder at 67ish and put on a sweater and long pants.

I hate paying electric bills. I usually sit in the dark and just have little night lights and the TV on, lol.

OtherJen

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #14 on: July 02, 2019, 04:16:08 PM »
Elderly relatives discussing replacing their second car with something new or nearly new. Just did the same with their first car a year or so ago. The thing is that they don't drive the second car. Ever. One half of their marriage is nearly unable to walk across the house let alone drive. Why do they need a second car for anything? Must be some version of optimism.

Are we related? You just described my in-laws.
Elderly people are a great source of lightly used cars though!

True. We did buy my MILís car for a song when she decided she needed a new one (she doesnít drive and probably shouldnít for medical reasons).

marty998

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #15 on: July 03, 2019, 02:31:54 AM »
My parents are in their 60ís, no savings, no retirement, and owe as much on their home as they did when they bought it 20 years ago. They are unable to save and often complain about their high utility bills, nearly 450$/mo for electric and gas.

I am up visiting them this weekend and was stunned to find their AC set to 67F! Not only is that insanely low, but they live in the mountains! It is a beautiful 75F during the day and 65F at night! Itís colder outside than inside and they are running the AC! Not only that, but they insist on cooling the living room area while they sleep in their room with the door shut! Such waste. These are people getting ready to live on fixed income Social Security at an income less than 1/2 what they make now. Doomed.

I am very likely Mustachian because my parents suck at money and always have.

What ridiculous things do your family members do to waste money while also complaining about the cost!?

Wow, that is crazy. My dad and his ex-wife had a house that was usually set pretty low. But he didn't like it much and she always wanted it colder. Thankfully they could afford it.

My AC is set at 78 right now and was 77 while I was gone at work all day. The coldest I ever put it is 72 if I'm feeling bad for some reason but I usually have it at 75-77. Usually 77. Winter time I keep it colder at 67ish and put on a sweater and long pants.

I hate paying electric bills. I usually sit in the dark and just have little night lights and the TV on, lol.

Oh my god sorry not sorry for the face punch but you keep the AC on in your home while you are out at work??? Isn't it obvious to reduce your electric bill you should turn it off?

Lights use minimal power in comparison to AC......

BFive55

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #16 on: July 03, 2019, 05:09:20 AM »
My parents are in their 60ís, no savings, no retirement, and owe as much on their home as they did when they bought it 20 years ago. They are unable to save and often complain about their high utility bills, nearly 450$/mo for electric and gas.

I am up visiting them this weekend and was stunned to find their AC set to 67F! Not only is that insanely low, but they live in the mountains! It is a beautiful 75F during the day and 65F at night! Itís colder outside than inside and they are running the AC! Not only that, but they insist on cooling the living room area while they sleep in their room with the door shut! Such waste. These are people getting ready to live on fixed income Social Security at an income less than 1/2 what they make now. Doomed.

I am very likely Mustachian because my parents suck at money and always have.

What ridiculous things do your family members do to waste money while also complaining about the cost!?

Wow, that is crazy. My dad and his ex-wife had a house that was usually set pretty low. But he didn't like it much and she always wanted it colder. Thankfully they could afford it.

My AC is set at 78 right now and was 77 while I was gone at work all day. The coldest I ever put it is 72 if I'm feeling bad for some reason but I usually have it at 75-77. Usually 77. Winter time I keep it colder at 67ish and put on a sweater and long pants.

I hate paying electric bills. I usually sit in the dark and just have little night lights and the TV on, lol.

Oh my god sorry not sorry for the face punch but you keep the AC on in your home while you are out at work??? Isn't it obvious to reduce your electric bill you should turn it off?

Lights use minimal power in comparison to AC......

My AC unit, as it was explained, was cheaper to run at a constant temperature than to constantly turn it on and off.

I do usually raise the temperature 3-4 degrees when I'm at work to keep it from constantly kicking on. I live in a humid area so I'm concerned about humidity in the place. That may not be an accurate concern though, I don't know.

Maenad

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #17 on: July 03, 2019, 07:43:59 AM »
A tajma hall compared to some of the others there who have to share a communal bathroom.

[pedant hat on] Taj Mahal: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taj_Mahal. Which is darkly funny considering you're talking about an elderly lady and the Taj Mahal is a mausoleum. [pedant hat off]

Gail2000

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #18 on: July 03, 2019, 05:09:15 PM »
A tajma hall compared to some of the others there who have to share a communal bathroom.

[pedant hat on] Taj Mahal: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taj_Mahal. Which is darkly funny considering you're talking about an elderly lady and the Taj Mahal is a mausoleum. [pedant hat off]

Very red and embarrassed over the typo. Thank you for adding some dark humour to a sad situation. I like the layers it adds.

StockBeard

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #19 on: July 03, 2019, 10:27:00 PM »
My AC unit, as it was explained, was cheaper to run at a constant temperature than to constantly turn it on and off.
I find that hard to believe. A quick search on the internet will show you that "keeping my AC on is more efficient than turning it on and off" is a myth that is regularly and easily debunked by professionals.

I feel your concern about humidity might be valid. But whoever told you to leave the AC on for costs/efficiency reasons was most definitely wrong, and just sharing a myth.

marty998

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #20 on: July 04, 2019, 04:36:50 AM »
My parents are in their 60ís, no savings, no retirement, and owe as much on their home as they did when they bought it 20 years ago. They are unable to save and often complain about their high utility bills, nearly 450$/mo for electric and gas.

I am up visiting them this weekend and was stunned to find their AC set to 67F! Not only is that insanely low, but they live in the mountains! It is a beautiful 75F during the day and 65F at night! Itís colder outside than inside and they are running the AC! Not only that, but they insist on cooling the living room area while they sleep in their room with the door shut! Such waste. These are people getting ready to live on fixed income Social Security at an income less than 1/2 what they make now. Doomed.

I am very likely Mustachian because my parents suck at money and always have.

What ridiculous things do your family members do to waste money while also complaining about the cost!?

Wow, that is crazy. My dad and his ex-wife had a house that was usually set pretty low. But he didn't like it much and she always wanted it colder. Thankfully they could afford it.

My AC is set at 78 right now and was 77 while I was gone at work all day. The coldest I ever put it is 72 if I'm feeling bad for some reason but I usually have it at 75-77. Usually 77. Winter time I keep it colder at 67ish and put on a sweater and long pants.

I hate paying electric bills. I usually sit in the dark and just have little night lights and the TV on, lol.

Oh my god sorry not sorry for the face punch but you keep the AC on in your home while you are out at work??? Isn't it obvious to reduce your electric bill you should turn it off?

Lights use minimal power in comparison to AC......

My AC unit, as it was explained, was cheaper to run at a constant temperature than to constantly turn it on and off.


Nope, not believable. The small additional effort your AC needs to work at after you turn it on is nowhere near the amount of power drawn during the 8-10 hours you have it running while you are away.

Please do not contribute unnecessarily to global warming by running your AC all day, thus requiring ever more AC to keep your place cooler.....

Cassie

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #21 on: July 04, 2019, 02:37:47 PM »
We bought a car that had 2 elderly owners and it had low miles. With both of us retired neither of our cars get a lot of mileage. When one dies we will probably just have one. One thing about getting older is that you lose your tolerance for heat.  For decades never had A/C and now feel sick if too hot.

The_Big_H

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #22 on: July 04, 2019, 11:33:10 PM »
Oh boy, let me play this game with 60-something in-laws:

1) Cashed out pensions (were afraid the company would go bankrupt, it did not) not 100% sure how much but lets figure 600k +/-.  Now I thought you could roll over the pension tax free into a retirement account of some kind (in 2009, would have been a sweet sweet ride up the market) but from what Ive understood they ended up cashing it out and seemingly blowing through all of it, 30-40% went to the IRS of course (apparently via threat of a tax lein).

2) At least one known car repo, glossed over as a "it had engine problems so we sold it" (the phone calls the SO got from creditors looking for them prove otherwise).

3) currently 100-110 mile car commute for FIL.  MIL works odd jobs, often under the table.

4) $200+/mo full on bells and whistles channels-numbers-into-the-thousands cable TV.

5) Reverse mortgage, I mean they've been through many houses but I guess never have been able to actually get close to pay one off.

6) House full custom furniture ($5000 couch, for example, openly bragged about), 80" TV, smart fridge.

6) Ive heard from them essentially this more than once the following: "oh we were so tired after our $200 grocery run we went out / sent out for food".

7) its been all but proven they have stolen money from their own child (my SO).  Gifts of cash from relatives when SO was a minor seemed to have not made it.

8) SO did not receive 100% proper medical/dental care as a child the results of which are, though not disabling, are a bit embarrassing to this day. 

They've begged for money before, and as you might imagine, the answer is a rather simple but firm "no".  I suspect this will get worse over time.  Fortunately(?) there are other more gullible family that bail them out of other messes.  It will be a high-road/low-road battle for me (it may feel good, but its bad for the soul) to avoid deriving enjoyment out of watching their house of cards collapse .

Any one else quite prepared to tell family "no" even to the point of homelessness / cat-food-diet level desperation?  (SO is more or less on board with the "you reap what you sow" treatment, but its alot harder when its YOUR parents vs. in-laws).

SwordGuy

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #23 on: July 05, 2019, 12:38:16 AM »
7) its been all but proven they have stolen money from their own child (my SO).  Gifts of cash from relatives when SO was a minor seemed to have not made it.
That's so absolutely scummy.

Any one else quite prepared to tell family "no" even to the point of homelessness / cat-food-diet level desperation?  (SO is more or less on board with the "you reap what you sow" treatment, but its alot harder when its YOUR parents vs. in-laws).

I was willing to tell my mom to take a hike if she didn't choose to be nice to the woman I was going to marry.    My dad figured that out and convinced her to be mannerly.   Otherwise, hasta la vista, mama.

I would have sent a fixed amount to take care of her if need be, even if she hadn't decided to play nice.  Wouldn't have had anything else to do with her, though.

But stealing from their kids?   Damn, that's low.   I would probably ignore it if it was just me, but if I had siblings who were stolen from, I would have told them to work extra hard to pay back my siblings before they got a dime from me.  And I would let other folks know why, if only so they wouldn't get sympathy from other folks.   

I have a friend whose dad stole from him.   I don't know how he puts up with his dad.   I don't want people in my home I know I cannot trust.  Why subject your young kids to that risk?

KathrinS

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #24 on: July 05, 2019, 01:04:47 AM »
Seven years ago, my parents divorced, partly because my dad, who is self employed in a very prestigious profession, was giving away money to other people who came to him with sob stories. E.g. one lady came to him saying her plumbing was broken and she desperately needed to fix it and he just handed over a five figure sum in cash.
Now, he's in his 60s and earning well below average wage, while supporting his new girlfriend who is on disability. He's made several comments before to the effect of 'if I go broke, you'll have to look after me in my old age' and 'if I die, you'll have to support my gf'.

My uncle on my mother's side, who is wealthy through inheritance, has had a fitness studio built for his son. Literally all of the machines you'd have in a traditional studio, but for the sole use of one teenage boy. In a large hall that could otherwise be rented out, probably for thousands of dollars a month.

Cassie

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #25 on: July 05, 2019, 10:45:27 AM »
Some of these stories are unbelievable. The only adult I would support is my spouse. Others I would direct to services that can help.  We have always lived on a budget and continue to do so in retirement.

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #26 on: July 05, 2019, 05:48:47 PM »
I'm not quite there on the MMM train - I have no debt, and invested savings, and a retirement plan, but that's about it. My best friend has a house he's doing up, makes double what I make, travels etc. His mortgage is the same as when he bought the house 10 years ago, house is valued the same despite improvements, he has no savings and no retirement plan. His life certainly looks better from the outside. He regularly reminds me he's doing better than me (not in a mean way) which I always have to bite my tongue about, because my net worth is much higher than his......

Parizade

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #27 on: July 05, 2019, 06:07:10 PM »
I'm not quite there on the MMM train - I have no debt, and invested savings, and a retirement plan, but that's about it. My best friend has a house he's doing up, makes double what I make, travels etc. His mortgage is the same as when he bought the house 10 years ago, house is valued the same despite improvements, he has no savings and no retirement plan. His life certainly looks better from the outside. He regularly reminds me he's doing better than me (not in a mean way) which I always have to bite my tongue about, because my net worth is much higher than his......

Isn't that the weirdest feeling? When you know that someone's net worth is likely measured in negative numbers but they are strutting around with their new house/car/boat/whatever like Thurston Howell the Third and expressing sympathetic contempt for your old Toyota.

AnnaGrowsAMustache

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #28 on: July 06, 2019, 12:36:03 AM »
I'm not quite there on the MMM train - I have no debt, and invested savings, and a retirement plan, but that's about it. My best friend has a house he's doing up, makes double what I make, travels etc. His mortgage is the same as when he bought the house 10 years ago, house is valued the same despite improvements, he has no savings and no retirement plan. His life certainly looks better from the outside. He regularly reminds me he's doing better than me (not in a mean way) which I always have to bite my tongue about, because my net worth is much higher than his......

Isn't that the weirdest feeling? When you know that someone's net worth is likely measured in negative numbers but they are strutting around with their new house/car/boat/whatever like Thurston Howell the Third and expressing sympathetic contempt for your old Toyota.

It's like being in an alternate universe. He simply doesn't get it. He deliberately doesn't save now because he wants to pay off his mortgage first and then hammer some retirement savings. No grasp of compounding interest, and he's already having injuries that might seriously limit his income.

And I do have an old Toyota - 2000 and nearly three times around the clock

pachnik

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #29 on: July 06, 2019, 07:13:57 AM »
I'm not quite there on the MMM train - I have no debt, and invested savings, and a retirement plan, but that's about it. My best friend has a house he's doing up, makes double what I make, travels etc. His mortgage is the same as when he bought the house 10 years ago, house is valued the same despite improvements, he has no savings and no retirement plan. His life certainly looks better from the outside. He regularly reminds me he's doing better than me (not in a mean way) which I always have to bite my tongue about, because my net worth is much higher than his......

Isn't that the weirdest feeling? When you know that someone's net worth is likely measured in negative numbers but they are strutting around with their new house/car/boat/whatever like Thurston Howell the Third and expressing sympathetic contempt for your old Toyota.

Ha!  I giggled when I read 'Thurston Howell the Third'!   

LilyFleur

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #30 on: July 06, 2019, 03:13:30 PM »
I'm not quite there on the MMM train - I have no debt, and invested savings, and a retirement plan, but that's about it. My best friend has a house he's doing up, makes double what I make, travels etc. His mortgage is the same as when he bought the house 10 years ago, house is valued the same despite improvements, he has no savings and no retirement plan. His life certainly looks better from the outside. He regularly reminds me he's doing better than me (not in a mean way) which I always have to bite my tongue about, because my net worth is much higher than his......

Isn't that the weirdest feeling? When you know that someone's net worth is likely measured in negative numbers but they are strutting around with their new house/car/boat/whatever like Thurston Howell the Third and expressing sympathetic contempt for your old Toyota.

Ha!  I giggled when I read 'Thurston Howell the Third'!   

Hahaha! I will drive my Accord until it dies (I figure I have at least ten more years left on it.) I like to date the "millionaire next door." My current boyfriend drives a 20-year-old Lexus, is retired, and has no mortgage payment. I am retired as well with no mortgage payment. I have a friend with a house twice as big as mine, a beautiful back yard and pool, a new car replaced every other year, and a lot less in retirement savings and still working. Ironically, when I turn 59.5 and can get into my 401k, if I wanted to, my retirement income would be larger than his income from work (he just reached six figures a few years ago), and I was never a high wage earner. We call get to make our own choices.
« Last Edit: July 06, 2019, 03:19:27 PM by LilyFleur »

DeniseNJ

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #31 on: July 08, 2019, 11:18:09 AM »
Re "stealing" money given as gifts from family members to minor children:  take other factors into consideration when you hear stuff like that.  Yes, I'm totally guilty of that.

The money people gave for the baptism of my kids went to pay for the baptism lunch everyone came to after church.  My SIL had to do the same, she was even in the bathroom opening cards for the cash after the check came in order to pay it.  We were broke.  If somone gave my kid a savings bond, I would have cashed it the next day to pay the gas bill.  Over the years when my mom has given me or my kids 100 bucks for "presents for the kids," I would give them the gift of heat and hot water and a roof over thier heads.  Years later when we had more money and were buying the kids more stuff than they ever needed, the grandparent money went right into the pile with our other money.  What could I buy my kid with grandma's 100 bucks when I just bought her a hundred dollar doll with clothes and shoes that cost more than my own?  Grandma would send them a card with 50 bucks, and I'd put it towards the hundreds I'd already spent on presents for them.

It's only now that my kids are older (late teens), DH and I are both working, we are making a decent living, and we've found MMM that we are actually putting away grandma's gifts into thier own accounts.  With our new MMM ways we are saving and maxing out retirement accounts and have a new outlook.  I told them last December, you know what g'ma is getting you?  Stocks! and I opened VG accounts for them.  But until then all of our money was family money that we used to support our family with and everyone got what they needed and then some. 

Off topic but still.

BFive55

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #32 on: July 08, 2019, 03:20:14 PM »
My parents are in their 60ís, no savings, no retirement, and owe as much on their home as they did when they bought it 20 years ago. They are unable to save and often complain about their high utility bills, nearly 450$/mo for electric and gas.

I am up visiting them this weekend and was stunned to find their AC set to 67F! Not only is that insanely low, but they live in the mountains! It is a beautiful 75F during the day and 65F at night! Itís colder outside than inside and they are running the AC! Not only that, but they insist on cooling the living room area while they sleep in their room with the door shut! Such waste. These are people getting ready to live on fixed income Social Security at an income less than 1/2 what they make now. Doomed.

I am very likely Mustachian because my parents suck at money and always have.

What ridiculous things do your family members do to waste money while also complaining about the cost!?

Wow, that is crazy. My dad and his ex-wife had a house that was usually set pretty low. But he didn't like it much and she always wanted it colder. Thankfully they could afford it.

My AC is set at 78 right now and was 77 while I was gone at work all day. The coldest I ever put it is 72 if I'm feeling bad for some reason but I usually have it at 75-77. Usually 77. Winter time I keep it colder at 67ish and put on a sweater and long pants.

I hate paying electric bills. I usually sit in the dark and just have little night lights and the TV on, lol.

Oh my god sorry not sorry for the face punch but you keep the AC on in your home while you are out at work??? Isn't it obvious to reduce your electric bill you should turn it off?

Lights use minimal power in comparison to AC......

My AC unit, as it was explained, was cheaper to run at a constant temperature than to constantly turn it on and off.


Nope, not believable. The small additional effort your AC needs to work at after you turn it on is nowhere near the amount of power drawn during the 8-10 hours you have it running while you are away.

Please do not contribute unnecessarily to global warming by running your AC all day, thus requiring ever more AC to keep your place cooler.....

I've been turning it up to 80, which I think turns it off when I'm at work. I did screw up today and forget. It's not a smart thermostat and it's an apartment so I can't replace it with a Nest or something.  Hopefully my electric bill is lower for July....

I'm not the best at environmentalist stuff but I try. I even stopped using plastic bags and got the reusable ones. And actual containers for my sandwiches instead of using plastic sandwich bags.

Cassie

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #33 on: July 08, 2019, 03:23:53 PM »
When we were young and poor the money kids got for gifts went into a savings account for them.  When our kids got baptized we invited grandparents and aunts/uncles only  and had a lunch at our house afterwards.   We gave them the money when they were adults.   Itís called living within your means.   

pudding

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #34 on: July 08, 2019, 04:23:42 PM »
My story's not a family member but a long time friend.

He bought an apartment with a nice view and lived in it for about 10 years.... so far so good.

Then he bought 10 acres of recreational land that he's owned for about 20 years now, paying an interest only mortgage, he visits it about once a year to see if it's been burned in a fire etc... It seems pointless to buy and hold it but his call.


Then he bought a house in the super expensive city that we live in, he kept his apartment and moved into the house but said this and that was wrong with it (bath tub facing wrong direction, stupid S*** like that)  At this point it all started to look very sketchy as he has a business in an industry that was/has become obsolete due to technology.

He still owned the apartment he lived in for ten years but it was empty now.

So he then for some bizarre reason, after owning this very expensive house for less than 6 months he bought another one!  In a very very expensive part of town!   and moved into that.... now leaving his apartment AND his first expensive house empty + his 10 acres of rec land sitting idle.

Then for god knows what reasons he decided that this house too had problems, the windows didn't show off the view... the kind of stuff that, ya know... you look at BEFORE you lay your money down.

Then...(drum roll) he rented a huge house on the water front on a street know as billionaires row!  AND left this 2nd house empty!!!  For about 2 years until something happened with the bank and he had to sell it.

So he rented out the first expensive house to the realtor that sold that 2nd expensive house for him, the rent he charged her was a token amount as he'd let the house go and refused to spend a cent on it, water poured into the bathroom when it rained simply because he'd never cleaned the gutters, and then had his elderly parent live in his apartment for free!

His business loses money hand over fist, so he borrowed all the equity he could from the banks on the properties he had/still has, and this city was in a crazy fast rising market here.  And used all he could borrow to prop up his business and live his inflated life on billionaires row.

Now his business was housed in 2 adjoining commercial properties that he'd also bought. Buying them was a savy move and he'd done well from that decision.

So when the banks wouldn't lend him anymore money, he then went to private lenders... at one point he had 1/4 million dollars at credit card interest rates! It was shocking just to know it, never mind to be in his shoes.

The private (break your legs) lenders reached their limit, so he sold one of the commercial buildings in order to prop up the business that loses thousands of dollars every month.

It's like monopoly in reverse! 

His accounting is a massive mess, he owes the taxman hundreds of thousands, his office is a joke amongst his employees as it's like a hoarders nest.. you can't get in the door hardly, it's just junk and boxes pile high.

I told his relative I was concerned about him, that it was almost like he needed intervention same as an alcoholic or drug addicted person would. But his relative is a bit 'odd' to....    So it goes on, and probably will until the kitchen silver is the last thing to be sold.

Blue Skies

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #35 on: July 08, 2019, 04:44:10 PM »
Re "stealing" money given as gifts from family members to minor children:  take other factors into consideration when you hear stuff like that.  Yes, I'm totally guilty of that.

The money people gave for the baptism of my kids went to pay for the baptism lunch everyone came to after church.  My SIL had to do the same, she was even in the bathroom opening cards for the cash after the check came in order to pay it.  We were broke.  If somone gave my kid a savings bond, I would have cashed it the next day to pay the gas bill.  Over the years when my mom has given me or my kids 100 bucks for "presents for the kids," I would give them the gift of heat and hot water and a roof over thier heads.  Years later when we had more money and were buying the kids more stuff than they ever needed, the grandparent money went right into the pile with our other money.  What could I buy my kid with grandma's 100 bucks when I just bought her a hundred dollar doll with clothes and shoes that cost more than my own?  Grandma would send them a card with 50 bucks, and I'd put it towards the hundreds I'd already spent on presents for them.

It's only now that my kids are older (late teens), DH and I are both working, we are making a decent living, and we've found MMM that we are actually putting away grandma's gifts into thier own accounts.  With our new MMM ways we are saving and maxing out retirement accounts and have a new outlook.  I told them last December, you know what g'ma is getting you?  Stocks! and I opened VG accounts for them.  But until then all of our money was family money that we used to support our family with and everyone got what they needed and then some. 

Off topic but still.

So, you feel justified in stealing your kid's money because you spent money on gifts for them already?  Did you tell them those gifts were from Grandma, or did you tell them Grandma paid your light bill that month?  Or did you not mention it and hope they didn't realize Grandma didn't ever get them gifts? 

If you can't pay your bills with your own money you need to budget better, not repurpose money that was given to your children as gifts. 

Not that I make a habit of it, but I will never be giving $ to children again.  I don't want any possibility that the parent thinks it is ok to use it for their own utility bills.

Just Joe

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #36 on: July 08, 2019, 05:37:07 PM »
Maybe you've had a gilded life but DW and I were paycheck to paycheck for a while early in our marriage and we used cash gifts to our kids to keep our collective ship afloat. These were babies anyhow - not like they could spend the money.

Later when we were able we returned every bit of that money and more to them. Gifts of our own to them.

AlanStache

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #37 on: July 08, 2019, 07:03:39 PM »
It can be hard to balance "your money-your life" with "I am the bank of last resort".

DeniseNJ

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #38 on: July 08, 2019, 07:44:39 PM »
Re "stealing" money given as gifts from family members to minor children:  take other factors into consideration when you hear stuff like that.  Yes, I'm totally guilty of that.

The money people gave for the baptism of my kids went to pay for the baptism lunch everyone came to after church.  My SIL had to do the same, she was even in the bathroom opening cards for the cash after the check came in order to pay it.  We were broke.  If somone gave my kid a savings bond, I would have cashed it the next day to pay the gas bill.  Over the years when my mom has given me or my kids 100 bucks for "presents for the kids," I would give them the gift of heat and hot water and a roof over thier heads.  Years later when we had more money and were buying the kids more stuff than they ever needed, the grandparent money went right into the pile with our other money.  What could I buy my kid with grandma's 100 bucks when I just bought her a hundred dollar doll with clothes and shoes that cost more than my own?  Grandma would send them a card with 50 bucks, and I'd put it towards the hundreds I'd already spent on presents for them.

It's only now that my kids are older (late teens), DH and I are both working, we are making a decent living, and we've found MMM that we are actually putting away grandma's gifts into thier own accounts.  With our new MMM ways we are saving and maxing out retirement accounts and have a new outlook.  I told them last December, you know what g'ma is getting you?  Stocks! and I opened VG accounts for them.  But until then all of our money was family money that we used to support our family with and everyone got what they needed and then some. 

Off topic but still.

So, you feel justified in stealing your kid's money because you spent money on gifts for them already?  Did you tell them those gifts were from Grandma, or did you tell them Grandma paid your light bill that month?  Or did you not mention it and hope they didn't realize Grandma didn't ever get them gifts? 

If you can't pay your bills with your own money you need to budget better, not repurpose money that was given to your children as gifts. 

Not that I make a habit of it, but I will never be giving $ to children again.  I don't want any possibility that the parent thinks it is ok to use it for their own utility bills.

Puh-leeze. We were broke and they were little. We had one parent at home with them bc of some health issues, a stay home parent was our only luxury. As they grew we told them exactly what grandma gave them--she would usually give small gifts and some cash. As we started to actually make a living and splurged on them we'd hold on to grandma's cash gift and the next trip to the mall was on her instead of on us.  We didn't save their money bc we didn't save our own. We would say, this is the money grandma sent, and blow it.  If I spend 1200 on groceries and put grams 100 toward their iPhones or the other way around it's all the same. At that point it's just family money. "Stealing" their money doesn't make sense under the circumstances. Where's that fifty grandma's sent?  I used it toward your $900 laptop.

But last October I found MMM. Now they get small gifts and the rest goes into VG custodial accts. I still pay for everything but after we max out retirement accts, college tuition, etc.  And they can buy a small thing w grandma's dough, cause now I'm cheap as heck, and the rest into stock. I bought the boy a moto g.   

Eta: we were always honest with the kids.  Didn't gram send me fifty bucks?  Yeah, I put it towards that $200 video game.  Or, yeah, 3 of the ten toys I bought u are from gram. We totally told them gram bought these gifts but truth is we would have bought them anyway. 
« Last Edit: July 08, 2019, 09:09:44 PM by DeniseNJ »

BlueHouse

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #39 on: July 10, 2019, 08:38:28 AM »
Re "stealing" money given as gifts from family members to minor children:  take other factors into consideration when you hear stuff like that.  Yes, I'm totally guilty of that.

The money people gave for the baptism of my kids went to pay for the baptism lunch everyone came to after church.  My SIL had to do the same, she was even in the bathroom opening cards for the cash after the check came in order to pay it.  We were broke.  If somone gave my kid a savings bond, I would have cashed it the next day to pay the gas bill.  Over the years when my mom has given me or my kids 100 bucks for "presents for the kids," I would give them the gift of heat and hot water and a roof over thier heads.  Years later when we had more money and were buying the kids more stuff than they ever needed, the grandparent money went right into the pile with our other money.  What could I buy my kid with grandma's 100 bucks when I just bought her a hundred dollar doll with clothes and shoes that cost more than my own?  Grandma would send them a card with 50 bucks, and I'd put it towards the hundreds I'd already spent on presents for them.

It's only now that my kids are older (late teens), DH and I are both working, we are making a decent living, and we've found MMM that we are actually putting away grandma's gifts into thier own accounts.  With our new MMM ways we are saving and maxing out retirement accounts and have a new outlook.  I told them last December, you know what g'ma is getting you?  Stocks! and I opened VG accounts for them.  But until then all of our money was family money that we used to support our family with and everyone got what they needed and then some. 

Off topic but still.

So, you feel justified in stealing your kid's money because you spent money on gifts for them already?  Did you tell them those gifts were from Grandma, or did you tell them Grandma paid your light bill that month?  Or did you not mention it and hope they didn't realize Grandma didn't ever get them gifts? 

If you can't pay your bills with your own money you need to budget better, not repurpose money that was given to your children as gifts. 

Not that I make a habit of it, but I will never be giving $ to children again.  I don't want any possibility that the parent thinks it is ok to use it for their own utility bills.

Puh-leeze. We were broke and they were little. We had one parent at home with them bc of some health issues, a stay home parent was our only luxury. As they grew we told them exactly what grandma gave them--she would usually give small gifts and some cash. As we started to actually make a living and splurged on them we'd hold on to grandma's cash gift and the next trip to the mall was on her instead of on us.  We didn't save their money bc we didn't save our own. We would say, this is the money grandma sent, and blow it.  If I spend 1200 on groceries and put grams 100 toward their iPhones or the other way around it's all the same. At that point it's just family money. "Stealing" their money doesn't make sense under the circumstances. Where's that fifty grandma's sent?  I used it toward your $900 laptop.

But last October I found MMM. Now they get small gifts and the rest goes into VG custodial accts. I still pay for everything but after we max out retirement accts, college tuition, etc.  And they can buy a small thing w grandma's dough, cause now I'm cheap as heck, and the rest into stock. I bought the boy a moto g.   

Eta: we were always honest with the kids.  Didn't gram send me fifty bucks?  Yeah, I put it towards that $200 video game.  Or, yeah, 3 of the ten toys I bought u are from gram. We totally told them gram bought these gifts but truth is we would have bought them anyway.

I see nothing wrong with using kids' birthday money towards utilities, clothing, food, etc. when you're poor.  All family members contribute when everyone's poor. 
This did set me back a bit:   
Quote
What could I buy my kid with grandma's 100 bucks when I just bought her a hundred dollar doll with clothes and shoes that cost more than my own?
but then I noticed that that was in your pre-mustachian days and you wouldn't do that now. 

I remember when I found out that the SSSI benefits we received after my father's death was sent in separate checks to each of the kids.  I asked my mom why I didn't get to keep the $100/month that was sent in my name?  She just about laughed me out of the house with the $100. 

DadJokes

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #40 on: July 11, 2019, 06:40:17 AM »
We have been extremely lucky with family and friends giving for our son. At seven months old, we are still using Target gift cards from my wife's baby shower to pay for diapers.

As for cash, I think we have only received $50 from my grandmother that was intended to go toward his college. If we have to pay anything at all, it will be out of my retirement accounts, since I'll be retired by then anyway. I should probably keep a log of all the money we receive over the years, just to be sure that it all ends up in his hands if he doesn't have to pay much for school.

I do like the idea of "fiver" birthday parties, where people just bring $5 instead of a toy. That prevents them from feeling obligated to go out of their way to get a toy, and it prevents our kid from getting a lot more stuff than he will get use out of. Then we could just spend all of that money on 1-2 toys (or get toys cheap from a yard sale and put the money toward his college).

NinjaSalad

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #41 on: July 11, 2019, 10:11:12 AM »
Man, I could have written many of these replies myself - it was like reading my autobiography.

My parents were in foreclosure not too long ago. https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/my-parents-are-in-foreclosure/

After I wrote that post, I bailed them out for $2500.
They were able to get out of foreclosure and have their mortgage payment reduced - but they are still broke. And they will never be able to pay me back...

About a year after I bailed them out, my mom had the nerve to call and ask me if I would turn on cable at their house in MY name since their cable was shut off for lack of payment.
I refused so she called and had a satellite company turn on cable instead. She just jumps from provider to provider every time it gets shut off. Same with her cell phone, doctors, etc. etc. Eventually she will run out of options.

I have such bad anxiety because of my family. I literally have panic attacks whenever they call me and for several days afterward. It sucks...

Wrenchturner

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #42 on: July 11, 2019, 03:18:39 PM »
My mother had a pretty rough life and doesn't make the best choices generally, but she's pretty frugal.  Her recklessness amounts to replacing her roof after 10 years without even getting it inspected, or paying to have her ancient buicks transmission rebuilt.

Her house is nearly paid off and she'll be eligible for retirement in five years.  I'm mostly worried about her mental deterioration which will probably be horrible from years of drinking.

However, my brother and I have talked about this, we talked about our grandmother's situation also.  We're both doing well financially and we're at least in touch now.

So there are problems, but I think this situation is the best it's ever been so I sleep okay thinking about it.

AlanStache

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #43 on: July 11, 2019, 03:24:08 PM »
NS - you might want to monitor your credit as your parents could take on debt in your name without your knowledge.  This would be illegal but best to catch it early.  Is shit this is even a thought but this forum has many bad stories. 

The_Big_H

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #44 on: July 11, 2019, 11:41:48 PM »
Man, I could have written many of these replies myself - it was like reading my autobiography.

My parents were in foreclosure not too long ago. https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/my-parents-are-in-foreclosure/

After I wrote that post, I bailed them out for $2500.
They were able to get out of foreclosure and have their mortgage payment reduced - but they are still broke. And they will never be able to pay me back...

About a year after I bailed them out, my mom had the nerve to call and ask me if I would turn on cable at their house in MY name since their cable was shut off for lack of payment.
I refused so she called and had a satellite company turn on cable instead. She just jumps from provider to provider every time it gets shut off. Same with her cell phone, doctors, etc. etc. Eventually she will run out of options.

I have such bad anxiety because of my family. I literally have panic attacks whenever they call me and for several days afterward. It sucks...

This can be extremely hard to do. But there is no rule requiring you to talk to your parents, especially if they terribly stress you out.

Being family does not give someone a free pass to treat you poorly.

NinjaSalad

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #45 on: July 12, 2019, 08:18:04 AM »
NS - you might want to monitor your credit as your parents could take on debt in your name without your knowledge.  This would be illegal but best to catch it early.  Is shit this is even a thought but this forum has many bad stories.

I agree - it completely sucks that anyone would have to think about these kinds of things. DH and I have a credit freeze with everyone under the sun and definitely keep an eye on our reports. Unfortunately, my parents aren't the only ones in our families that we have to worry about - sadly, I could go on posting stories on this thread for days...

saguaro

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #46 on: July 12, 2019, 09:45:30 AM »
NS - you might want to monitor your credit as your parents could take on debt in your name without your knowledge.  This would be illegal but best to catch it early.  Is shit this is even a thought but this forum has many bad stories.

I agree - it completely sucks that anyone would have to think about these kinds of things. DH and I have a credit freeze with everyone under the sun and definitely keep an eye on our reports. Unfortunately, my parents aren't the only ones in our families that we have to worry about - sadly, I could go on posting stories on this thread for days...

Yep, we set up credit monitoring on DH's credit report to keep tabs on his Dad who took out a credit card that appeared on DH's report.  Dad only did it once and went into some convoluted explanation when he got caught but it does suck to know your own parent will do this.   

Plugra

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #47 on: July 12, 2019, 11:08:01 AM »
I've been turning it up to 80, which I think turns it off when I'm at work. I did screw up today and forget. It's not a smart thermostat and it's an apartment so I can't replace it with a Nest or something.  Hopefully my electric bill is lower for July....


I keep my AC at 83-84F during the day.  I was getting my routine AC service last month and the technician told me that the house was way too warm.  He said it costs a lot of money to switch the compressor on, and that it would be much cheaper in the long run for me to keep the house cool all day long.   I guess that is something they teach them at AC technician school. 

In any case it's nonsense.  And I have the low electric bills to prove it -- about half what my neighbors pay.  As Homer Simpson famously said, "In this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc-m9dumEaw
« Last Edit: July 12, 2019, 11:09:38 AM by Plugra »

BTDretire

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #48 on: July 12, 2019, 08:31:38 PM »
 My sister, 62 yrs old, divorced at about 32, some years after, hooked up with another woman,
who she helped in this woman's one person technical service business. She never got an income or anything on record. They bounced around a lot, living in a van, did have some fun traveling. She let herself be used by this woman, and still is. About 7 years ago they moved into my now deceased mothers home.
 She now works 20 hours a week at a just a few dollars above a minimum wage job. Has no savings, has a spotty work history, can get more SS by claiming 1/2 of her ex husbands work record.  But still will get no more than $12k from SS, maybe $15k if she waits until 70, but I don't think she can or will. She has no savings, and I own 1/2 of the house she lives in, and I don't want it.
 In effect, I'm subsidizing her girlfriends housing, who pays nothing.
 Maybe I'm failing, except I can afford it. :-/

SwordGuy

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Re: Family Member Fails
« Reply #49 on: July 12, 2019, 10:46:26 PM »
NS - you might want to monitor your credit as your parents could take on debt in your name without your knowledge.  This would be illegal but best to catch it early.  Is shit this is even a thought but this forum has many bad stories.

I agree - it completely sucks that anyone would have to think about these kinds of things. DH and I have a credit freeze with everyone under the sun and definitely keep an eye on our reports. Unfortunately, my parents aren't the only ones in our families that we have to worry about - sadly, I could go on posting stories on this thread for days...

Yep, we set up credit monitoring on DH's credit report to keep tabs on his Dad who took out a credit card that appeared on DH's report.  Dad only did it once and went into some convoluted explanation when he got caught but it does suck to know your own parent will do this.   

Damn.   That really does suck.

One part of me says, "I would be a good son and remember to visit him in prison.   If he's scamming me he's bound to be scamming others so he's got to be stopped."

One part of me says, "Mom would miss him, I'll let it slide and never trust him again."

I can't honestly say which attitude would have won.   Thankfully I didn't have to find out.