Factoring in gift money as part of your wedding budget

[projekt]

And, being ugly about it!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/02/wedding-gift_n_3535780.html

[NumberJohnny5]

One of the comments (or quotes in the article) brought up the belief that guests are supposed to gift something equivalent to the cost of having them there. So if my son is invited to a party and I can find out that it's costing about $10 per kid, we're supposed to gift $10 or more.

I personally think that's wrong, but at the same time I feel the need to raise my kids with this in mind. I.e. "don't expect presents at your birthday party, but be aware that when you're invited you may be expected to gift an amount that covers your cost of admission." Else they'll be caught completely off-guard when something like this happens.

Plus, it's also wrong because apparently, even if one knew that they were expected to "gift" an amount that would cover what they cost the host...I don't think anyone gave a dollar amount beforehand. If you expect me to pay $200 to cover my admission...um...couldn't you tell me up front that it cost $200? Because maybe, just maybe I know about this rule-that's-not-a-rule and want to pay an appropriate amount, but I thought that it cost $50pp tops. Cause I would have gotten better food and service at Applebee's, and that only costs $25pp (ok, I generally don't order alcohol...let's say $50pp tops with a couple drinks plus tip). How am I supposed to know that you waaaaaay overpaid, unless you tell me beforehand?

Just sayin', I can forgive a lot if you make your intentions/expectations clear, and known upfront. You want me to pay $500pp to go to your wedding? No hard feelings, I'll either decline or pay up. But insist that you want me to be there, don't tell me there's an entry fee, then complain that my gift didn't cover your costs? That's just wrong on so many levels.

[zinnie]

That is horrific. I cant imagine doing anything but being extremely grateful for a GIFT. Wow.

[The knitter]

When I first started attending weddings with DH, he strictly followed this rule. Like, to the dollar. He worked in the wedding industry, so he actually knew how much a plate cost at each banquet hall we went to.

I thought it was the dumbest idea ever -- especially because our friends who had weddings at the expensive venues were the ones who had their parents footing the bill. And our friends who had the backyard barbecue were the ones who were paying themselves, and working damn hard to do so. So the people who were likely to get a smaller gift actually needed the money more.

So we sat down and set guidelines for tiered gift-giving.

Siblings and life-long friends are the highest. ($$$$)
Close friends, ones we are in the wedding party for, are next. ($$$)
More casual friends and work acquaintances are the lowest. ($$)

We put our friend in the category, then pay the amount we agreed on NO MATTER HOW EXPENSIVE THE FACILITY IS.

It seems more fair. We're not giving a huge gift to someone we barely know, just because they happen to have rich/foolish parents.

We both feel much better about it.

The other thing we do is budget for wedding gifts. You know well in advance when someone is getting married. So we divide the months by the gift, and put aside the amount we need each month until we hit the date (with a little extra for shower gifts). This way we can be generous, and it barely makes a dent in our budget.

But few people think things out so thoroughly.

[Kaytee]

It kind of makes me wonder if the "not so close"/casual friend was invited simply because of the gift expected. A side note, but another somewhat disturbing trend that I have noticed in the past 10 years or so is the lack of a thank-you card for wedding gifts. Perhaps only half have sent thank-you cards, at best.

[mpbaker22]

I have a friend that just got married. 300 guests, and I bet the wedding was no more than $5000-$8000.  I actually gave them more of a gift because they'll actually be responsible about it!

I generally give about the cost of a reasonable wedding($50/person) plus a little more.  But if I know my plate is going to be $100+, I'll give my normal amount because irresponsible couples don't deserve more!

I have given used books once at a wedding, but it was a set I knew the bride and groom wanted, and they were still close to $100 used.

[olivia]

This is ridiculous.  Don't throw a party you can't afford and expect your guests to subsidize it!