Author Topic: Face punch worthy person....  (Read 6381 times)

Vwjedi76

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Face punch worthy person....
« on: June 29, 2015, 09:07:13 AM »
A person close to me called asking for money for dog food because she can't afford dog food right now. Here's the backstory why:
She made 75+K annually, and at one point had over 130k in her 401K. She got frustrated at work, quit, and cashed out her 401. She then sat on her ass for a year.  Now, a year is a long time, but she didn't save any of this money. She went out and spent $100 just on lunch, went shopping, bought jewelry, and lo and behold, she spent all that money except $2000. Down to her last 2 grand, she decided she needed a better vehicle and financed a 2014 Honda Ridgeline ($39,000). Her $400 child support payments didn't cover her mortgage and car payments, so she was foreclosed on. The bank finally repossessed her truck, but they are suing her for the difference.  She moved here to be closer to family, and then her kids decided to move in with their dad. So now she owes HIM $400 a month child support.  She is working part time at a temp agency, can't declare bankruptcy because she just did three years ago, and is all the while complaining about how it's not fair that I am a SAHM (we are sacrificing A LOT for me to be home) and she wishes someone would just "come take care if her too". I want to scream. I don't know if I can even talk to her anymore.  I told her the dollar store has dog food, and she said "I can't even borrow $20? You guys have all that money in your 401k that you're not even using. " (we had discussed retirement goals at one point, when it looked like she was going to fire long before us!!!!).   I'm flabbergasted. And annoyed. Thanks for listening.

zephyr911

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #1 on: June 29, 2015, 09:17:23 AM »
Choices have consequences. Her deliberate decision to blow her life savings isn't your problem...don't let her guilt-trip you.

Quote
You guys have all that money in your 401k that you're not even using

Response: "You (presumably) have an entire kidney you're not even using. What's your point?" ;)

Sibley

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #2 on: June 29, 2015, 09:18:05 AM »
And why does she have a dog?

WildJager

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #3 on: June 29, 2015, 09:21:15 AM »
Sounds like there is more going on in her life than just poor personal finance.  Hopefully she seeks, and finds, the help she probably needs.  Sad story when you look at that objectively. 

MoneyCat

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #4 on: June 29, 2015, 09:26:29 AM »
This sounds like a problem with mental illness.  Many people who make bad financial decisions are actually mentally ill.


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Vwjedi76

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #5 on: June 29, 2015, 09:57:20 AM »
I agree with the posters that replied probable mental illness. She was diagnosed with depression after her third divorce but refuses "to take a pill to be a happy."  FWIW, I also have clinical depression but still have managed to keep my proverbial poop in a group. Just frustrating when people insinuate that we have it soooooo easy, when in reality we have worked and worked and also made huge sacrifices to be where we are. No one handed us anything. And if I hand her dog food, she will not seek out a way to earn money for dog food, I did offer to take the dog until she was a little more stable, which she didn't want to do. I don't want to come across like I just don't want to give her the dog food. But I've paid her light bill, helped with groceries, given her gas money, etc etc and I told her recently that we can't give her any more money.

Erica/NWEdible

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #6 on: June 29, 2015, 10:09:49 AM »
Maybe you should consider shoving this person who is close to you a bit further away?

mustachepungoeshere

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #7 on: June 29, 2015, 07:34:44 PM »
I have a relative with a similar victim mentality who regularly asks for money.

When I declined her most recent request she called me a grumpy bitch, so I have reverted back to just not taking her calls.

Keep reminding yourself: givers have to set limits because takers never do.

okits

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #8 on: June 29, 2015, 10:47:16 PM »
Maybe you should consider shoving this person who is close to you a bit further away?

Yup, my thoughts exactly.  Unless she's a blood relative, I'm thinking disown completely!  The suggestion that "someone just came along and is taking care of you" is insulting as hell.

If she is a blood relative, tell her you'll pay her $20 to mow your lawn ($10 if it's a small lawn.) If she's not willing to earn that money she doesn't want it badly enough.

sleepyguy

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #9 on: July 01, 2015, 11:54:00 AM »
This, unless they pulled you out of a fire and saved your bacon, you owe them nothing.

Tell them you have plenty of financial advice but the hand-outs stop now.

Also, nothing positive to add, but OMG, spent $130k in a single year from being off work?!?

Maybe you should consider shoving this person who is close to you a bit further away?

Blonde Lawyer

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #10 on: July 01, 2015, 12:13:41 PM »
Many animal shelters have food pantries for pet owners.  You can point her there.

taekvideo

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #11 on: July 03, 2015, 02:02:24 PM »
Quote
You guys have all that money in your 401k that you're not even using

Definitely someone you should distance yourself from.
You can't help someone like that.
They won't be receptive to anything you have to say.
Don't let her drag you down with her.

Sofa King

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #12 on: July 03, 2015, 04:02:24 PM »
What I like to do with idiots like this who have asked me for $$$$ in the past is I act all concerned so they think I am going to ask them "How much do you need?" and they think I about give them the $$$$ they want. I will ask all kinds of questions pretending to give a shit to see just how bad THEY have let things in their life get (when they think you are about to be a sucker and give them $$$$ they really open up on just how fucking stupid they are!) then at the last second when they think they got me and my wallet is about to open up I say 'Sorry don't have the $$$$$ to spare rite now". I guarantee this will get these types of people to not ask a 2nd time for $$$$ from you.  And if they are stupid enough to ask again then just get some pop corn and lead them on for 1/2 an hour or so only to tell the "NO" again!  LOL!!!  :  )

Elderwood17

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #13 on: July 03, 2015, 09:45:31 PM »
Wow.

It's so bad I thought you must have made this person up.
She treated her 401K like she'd won the lottery :(
And she's treating yours like it's her personal backup bank account.

Good advice above. Don't give her another cent, but if she wants actual advice, feel free to give that.
If she isn't willing to listen, probably time to sever the 'friendship'
+1

I couldn't handle this "friendship", personally.

okits

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #14 on: July 04, 2015, 01:54:48 AM »
What I like to do with idiots like this who have asked me for $$$$ in the past is I act all concerned so they think I am going to ask them "How much do you need?" and they think I about give them the $$$$ they want. I will ask all kinds of questions pretending to give a shit to see just how bad THEY have let things in their life get (when they think you are about to be a sucker and give them $$$$ they really open up on just how fucking stupid they are!) then at the last second when they think they got me and my wallet is about to open up I say 'Sorry don't have the $$$$$ to spare rite now". I guarantee this will get these types of people to not ask a 2nd time for $$$$ from you.  And if they are stupid enough to ask again then just get some pop corn and lead them on for 1/2 an hour or so only to tell the "NO" again!  LOL!!!  :  )

That's Sofa King mean. :) And kinda funny!


Zamboni

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #15 on: July 04, 2015, 01:57:12 AM »
Run away, run away!

Spiffsome

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Re: Face punch worthy person....
« Reply #16 on: July 04, 2015, 02:26:42 AM »
Why on earth is mental illness raised as a possibility every time someone acts like an asshole or does something stupid? Plenty of people are capable of being stupid or jerks without it.

In the meantime, OP, I'm sorry that your hard work and sacrifice is being attributed to 'luck'. That must be frustrating.