Pudding, I think you mean well and are trying to understand, but you are edging toward insulting territory. The women in your life haven't told you about catcalling (I would probably lie to my dad if he asked directly, because it's such an awkward, weird thing) and you haven't seen it happen when you are with them. Okay. Women don't talk about this, and men rarely do it when a woman is with a man.
It happens.
Stop arguing that it doesn't happen where you are. It does. IT. HAPPENS. You haven't said it doesn't but you've come close. Stop. We've now explained to you, in several ways from several people. Time to accept that this experience is real, and move on.
To be very clear, I'm not saying you denied it, but this sort of thing gets really frustrating for women. We talk about our experiences--painful, emotional experiences--and then we have to confirm for men that our experiences are real, that they happen in certain ways, etc.
If your daughter told you about some of the experiences here as being hers, what would you say? What would you hope someone else said? I suspect, "huh, I've never seen that" or "I have an attractive friend and she's never mentioned this kind of thing," would not be on that list.
I mean, let's hope not. Because if so, imagine the message that would give his daughter about her father's dismissiveness and lack of support. As though she needed any more lessons about how dismissive men are of girls and women.
Ok, I have to report back about my latest observations here in Vancouver BC as there's an important new development.
Yesterday my room mate whos is a 25 year old former Hooters waitress and into dressing up in cosplay outfits went to a cosplay event.
She and her female friend left the house in the afternoon, my roommate was wearing a black silk jacket with a skull and crossbones on it, and the jacket was open and not buttoned at all, underneath is she wore a scarlet red bra and no shirt. She also wore fishnet stockings and high heeled leather boots and a really wild hair style with one of those black face masks that are popular in K-pop music videos (She's Japanese) So she was striking looking!
She took public transport to go to the event and to get back home at night. She had to travel through areas that are ethnically diverse, whites, Caribbean, Asian.
She came home in a good mood and had no reports of any type of street harassment.
So I'm wondering where it happens and who's doing it? As a male myself I'd be inclined to have a gentle word with the harassers so long as it didn't endanger me, I mean it! I really would. But i can't find any and neither can my roommate.
Yeah, now it really is veering into the "I don't see it so it can't possibly exist" territory. I'm glad that your roommate had fun and didn't experience a hostile and potentially dangerous situation. Good for her. If only all women's experiences were always like that. Many of us are telling you that they are not. Yet, you keep arguing that you haven't seen it and your roommate didn't experience it, so you can't figure out where any of these men are (i.e., implying that they don't exist).
I mean, I've never been to Vancouver. People tell me that they live there or have visited, but I haven't seen it myself and none of my immediate family has been there. Yet, I don't doubt other people's lived experiences there. I don't know what I would get out of such a ridiculous argument or from denying the lived experiences of millions.
I hope I don't get in trouble for telling my truth.
You're joking, right? Trolling us?
No I'm not trolling, nor am I singling out anyone on here and saying that I don't believe them.
However I am saying that, if I haven't seen it in the city I live, and I can't find it even when actively looking for it like I did again today when I was downtown on a very busy summers day. Then yes! I question to what degree it exists here where I live. To say that makes me somehow a sexist is logic that I can't fathom. Why? Why does it make me sexist? Why am I wrong to wonder how come? How come I don't see this rampant and constant harassment? Even to young women in cosplay costumes.
Of course I know it happens at times, sometimes it's blatant in your face and the perpetrator could do with a swift kick to the head. Of course it happens. Weird stuff happens and happens to all people. I'm just wondering to what degree.
I once had someone ask me for a business card (I have a small renovation business) the women that asked for it strangely said she was 'getting me for her sister for her birthday'.
A few days later the sister called me to go to her house to do some work. While there she was asked me if she could take pictures of me working? I said OK, thinking this is awkward.
Coincidentally I had a friend who worked for her, it turned out that the women put the pictures of me working up on her office wall. Seemed rather strange to me. Reversed the genders and it would have been called what? If the customer was a man taking pictures of the female cleaner bending over and then pinned them up on his office wall.
Another time a gay guy asked me to drill holes in a wall so he could 'peep' through at people in a jacuzzi.
Another time an employee of mine asked for time off so she could do her side gig which she told me was making pornographic movies... she'd take a camera out and lay next to the highway where truckers could see her and the guy 'actor' and film.
It was for a site called 'f**** for cash' She later confided in me that she'd been in jail and used to give the male guard bj's for cigarettes, then when the deal went sour she sued him for sexual assault.
A few weeks before that she'd given me some 'pictures' of a 'ahem' photo shoot that she'd done. I never asked for them and found it quite disturbing, and I threw them in the garbage can.
Another story she told me was that her and a friend wanted to go on a vacation. So her friend called up a guy she'd been sleeping with, made up a story that he had got her pregnant and that he had to pay for her to travel to her hometown to get an abortion. Which he paid up the cash for, and that they used for a vacation instead as she wasn't pregnant.
Another time a women at an obviously brothel like 'massage parlour' wanted me to do work for.... exchange of services ... wink wink
Another time one nipped my azz when I was stood on a chair. Another comes to mind of a petite female customer and a disagreement about payment for painting her house. With no provocation from me she punched me in the chest. I told her if she did it again I'd call the cops.
One which I'll never forget is that there used to be a very, very legitimate foot massage place on Burrard Street (I won't name it) I once went there for a very legitimate underwear and towel around waist massage.
The masseuse shoved her hand under the towel and my underwear and grabbed me! It was never asked for, never implied that I was there for that or looking for that, for all she knew my wife could have been waiting in the car outside.
I can only talk of my own experiences in life.