Agreed. I found a recent thread on this forum regarding botox to be quite blatantly sexist. Including from a few people who seem to like to think of themselves as enlightened feminists. Some male.
I've found it really hard to have conversations about feminine beauty standards with people who aren't women. I've been stepping away from beauty products and procedures for several years now, mostly because of the inherent waste and consumerism involved. But I have admit it rubs me the wrong way when he says something like, "I'm glad you don't wear make up anymore. I think you look better this way." He is definitely trying to pay me a sincere compliment, and I take it as such, but part of me thinks, "Dude, it was never about you!"
There's an underlying assumption that women make the aesthetic choices they do primarily to gain the approval of men. The flip side being if men say "I think women look better when they avoid these procedures" women should all breathe a big sigh of relief because now they don't have to do it anymore. Which is, of course, sexist and heteronormative BS. But, at the same time, it's important to remember though that many make those statements in an attempt to be kind and supportive and don't necessarily realize that they're premised on the assumption that women were looking for their approval.
It's a complicated issue, and it's a good example of patriarchy hurts everyone. People should wear make up if it makes them feel good and is consistent with their other values. Or not. Whatever!
SO much this! I'm mostly just quoting because I think this is such an important point.
Clearly, I hate the eyelash extensions. But if someone wants to spend money on those (or on makeup, which I do wear on occasion; or Spanx, or shaving--something else I do semi-regularly, or laser hair removal, or fillers, or fancy skincare, or...), I don't think those decisions deserve any more contempt that maybe a Starbucks coffee. Certainly, none of them are truly necessary, so I think it's worth discussing that, especially on a site like MMN. However, these types of expenses seem to be treated like a special category, worthy of extra scorn or pity, even from supposed allies. "Women look strange and fake when wearing make up" (or with Botox, or whatever) is such a loaded statement. (And one I've certainly been guilty of--we are all part of the patriarchy, after all, and influenced by it). I can't say that when I do wear makeup, there isn't at least some part of me that is doing it to look "pretty" in the eyes of others. But it's also about me. Maybe I like feeling traditionally "pretty". Maybe I like the confidence (even though the fact that slathering shit on my face makes me feel more confident is another patriarchal construction. Maybe I like looking younger. Or maybe it's like a cool graphic tee, where I'm aware of what it says about me to others, but I am mostly wearing it because I like it, separate from any reaction it may get or impression it may give. The assumption is that when we make choices to do these things, we are doing it for approval and thus when others reject those things, the are freeing us of some burden, when in fact it may have little to nothing to do with others.
I hate eyelash extensions. I think they look horrible, but they are no less ridiculous than wearing mascara, which I'm doing right now. of course, mascara costs a small fraction of the extension and thus in a MMM context is less wasteful, but it's no less an attempt to spend money to articificially change one's appearance, whether that is for the pleasure of others or oneself.