I didn't read all of this thread. But this:
my house was in the background of the picture. I'm now getting comments about 'wow, you must be rich' and 'wow, your husband must make a LOT'. And I've gotten snarky comments from 'friends' in a similar fashion, and I'm mad.
. . .
To answer their comments, as well as other snarky comments I've gotten about my house:
1) Yes, the cedar deck that is in the process of being built is huge (10x36 - the entire length of the house).
2) Yes, those garden boxes are nice. Yes, everything is growing and looks lush and amazing.
3) Yes, my front deck will look lovely with large flower boxes all built and put in.
4) Yes, I have a large-ish house on 2 acres of land. . .Coming home feels like being on vacation. I like it.
5) Yeah, I agree: my furniture is gorgeous.
got me thinking. Sorry if I go a little analytical on you here if that isn't what you are looking for. Feel free to disregard.
Isn't a basic premise of "mustachianism" recognizing that you *are* rich? Whether that be understanding the importance of the choices of what you spend on aspect or upping your contentedness because most everything we consider common these days is a luxury, (likely both), I believe that is pretty fundamental to the life you have chosen. You, yourself, are admitting in your rant that you see what you have as huge, nice, lovely, gorgeous, etc.
So what bothers you about the comments? (genuine introspective question.)
Is it the lack of respect for the fact that you worked for it and chose it? Is it the ignorance that they could to? You mention both of these aspects. Most other things I can think of fall into basically these categories (such as an assumption that you or your husband make more than they do, but that most likely would be bothersome in the same ways, that either you are bothered that they think a higher salary means you had it easy and didn't work for it, or that they don't understand the principles of what you can get on this salary.)
In either case you can subtly educate and respond with compassion rather than anger. I get that people are frustrating, and good for you to not rant back to them. But there are responses that can possibly help them learn and hopefully help you continue to view them with more compassion and grace than anger.
"You must be rich/make a lot" can be responded to with something along the lines of (quick response) "Not overly rich but we know what we value and making it a hobby helps a lot!" Or elaborated further: "We know what's important to us and what we want to spend on. We had a great time building all the gardens ourselves. It's much less expensive than paying someone plus we enjoy it!" or (a little more insightful/educational) "We love that our jobs allow us to invest time in building our home. We watch our spending in other ways so we can spend some on hobbies we enjoy. Plus when we do a lot of the work ourselves it ends up not costing as much as you would think anyway!"
An "I can't afford..." response can be countered with your own experience - "It's surprising what you can afford when you know your priorities. We make sure to spend as little as possible on driving, we even only have one car, because we know that this is more important to us." Just pretend they are baby mustachians in training! If you're really comfortable with them you could even do some actual comparisons. I think I saw a post about groceries, that is a pretty safe place to say real numbers without getting to personal - "I spent $x. When you buy fresh and plan/cook, it actually saves a lot!" You could even offer to help. "If you wanted I could give you recipes/meal planning for what we do. They really get you in prepackaged stuff so we avoid that and it ends up being high quality and really not very expensive. (Optional: We only spend $x and we end up feeling like we eat luxuriously!)"
I'm not saying this is easy or that they'll get it. Some people will never see it from your perspective. But at least you are honest with where you stand.
I guess, the main thing I really wanted to say was just that, their basic premise - you must be rich - is *right* not because you are more rich or privileged than them, but because of all that you have and love and appreciate. If nothing else, you are rich in knowledge and discipline in a way they seem not to be, and pondering that may make you feel more thankful and thus more able to patiently state your perspective rather than getting angry.
Food for thought. Dismiss it if it's not helpful.