My colleagues are... clown-car ridiculous. A few of them have wound up on the 'overheard at work' board a few times, for context.
My sister, who works in my office, showed someone a picture of my kid playing in sprinklers this past weekend (everyone was sharing weekend pictures and kid-pictures, it was totally appropriate) and my house was in the background of the picture. I'm now getting comments about 'wow, you must be rich' and 'wow, your husband must make a LOT'. And I've gotten snarky comments from 'friends' in a similar fashion, and I'm mad. And rather than pitch a fit at them, I'm gonna rant here, calm the hell down, and get one with my life. Warning: this is a venting rant.
a) Thank you, sexism: I have out-earned my husband for the ENTIRE length of our relationship, INCLUDING the year I was on maternity leave at 55% salary. Don't give me 'he must earn so much'. b) I make the same amount as the people making these comments, give or take 5% - I do the profitability metrics at work, so I actually know their salaries. c) Dear 'friends' who judge my house: yes, I know that we are all in our early 30s, and you can barely afford rent with roommates. But remember when we were 24, and you kept quitting jobs because you wanted to 'enjoy your summer', and you laughed at me for working 70+ hour weeks on big projects and getting promoted and stashing away money instead of spending it because I 'wasn't enjoying my life' (I was, just differently than you were)? This is why I have a well-established career and a down payment, and you are working seasonal jobs and have free time. No judgement if that's what you chose, and I sincerely hope you're happy, but stop wondering 'how it happened'. It's the logical freakin' results of the choices we all made and keep making.
To answer their comments, as well as other snarky comments I've gotten about my house:
1) Yes, the cedar deck that is in the process of being built is huge (10x36 - the entire length of the house). HOWEVER: our contractor quoted 12K for it. The wood is from my FIL's woodlot, and he and my husband got it cut, used the sawmill in the back field to cut it into boards, let it cure over winter, and we are now building the deck out of it. We have to buy screws, brackets, and a few larger posts. Total cost of the deck will be under 600$. It's not that extravagant, it's just work!
2) Yes, those garden boxes are nice. Yes, everything is growing and looks lush and amazing. Yes, colleague-who-spent-almost-1K-asking-someone-to-build-garden-boxes, paying someone to do that is very expensive. We built the garden boxes out of pine my husband sawed, filled them ourselves with topsoil (that we bought, because ours is too clay-filled to be much good for a vegetable garden - 200$), I started the seedlings from seed 2 months ago and spent an extra 10$ on a few plants that didn't come up, and assuming everything keeps growing well we basically won't be buying vegetables for about 5 months.
3) Yes, my front deck will look lovely with large flower boxes all built and put in. Yes, I know they are 100$ at the local garden center, and yes, colleagues who bought them at that price, they ARE nice. I found a plan for ones I like online. My husband sawed the lumber, and my dad and I are building them next weekend. We'll then paint them with leftover paint, and plant the on-sale plants I got last weekend. Total: 8$ including plants, and most of that is because I had to buy more screws.
4) Yes, I have a large-ish house on 2 acres of land. But y'know what? I live in the country. My 4-bedroom(plus one office), 3-story, 2.5 bathroom house cost less to build than buying a 3-bedroom house on a 1/4 acre in the city. I commute to work only twice a week, AND I'm not spending 1.5K to rent a cottage down the street from where I live in the summer, like 3 of my colleagues do. It's a choice: slightly longer commute, but living in a way better place that I actually enjoy living in. Coming home feels like being on vacation. I like it.
5) Yeah, I agree: my furniture is gorgeous. It is 90% hand-me-downs, Craigslist, Kijiji, or garage sales, which means that I have a house full of gorgeous antiques for about 1/3 the price of Ikea. God, I love country garage sales. 10$ oak table, anyone? I also spend a fair amount of time painting/decorating/making it look nice, because living in a place that looks nice is important to me. No judgement if it's not important to you. But it IS possible to have a nice place for relatively little, IF you spend the time and effort. It's a CHOICE.
You know how we afford it? HERE'S HOW:
- We do things ourselves, or with the help of family. And we also help family with stuff. It's a trade-off.
- We buy used, we fix things, we make aesthetic changes to things (a coat of paint works wonders)
- One car. ONE car, which is a 2011 Honda Fit. We commute together when we need to. It's good on gas, runs great, doesn't require all that much maintenance. And when we're going around the lake, or anywhere that's within 5km? BIKES, YO. What do my colleagues drive? All families have, minimum, 2 cars. At least one BMW and one Audi. 3 of them have 'summer cars' (convertable) and 'winter cars' (heat-able).
- Restaurants? Muahahaha, funny joke. We live in the country, there isn't one within 25km. Half of my office eats lunch from the 'lunch menu' of places down the street. Cost: 12$/day. Every day. Plus dinner out at least twice a week with the whole family, AND cocktails with friends, AND take-out. You wanna know why you have no spare cash? THAT.
- Vacations: several colleagues spend 1.5K for a week in a cottage across the lake from my house, in summer. I LIVE in a vacation spot. Many other ones think that not going 'down south' at least once a winter, with the entire family, is 'cheap' and 'living like you're poor'. I'm like... guys, I LIVE in the spot where you pay to vacation. My vacation expense this summer will be a hammock stand, and maybe a fresh pitcher of ice tea and gas to get to the library. Add a bottle of wine and a stroll down to the lake, and why would I pay to go elsewhere??
To be clear: if people WANT to spend money on cars, or restaurants, or vacations, or hiring people to do things around their house instead of learning to do it themselves: go. cheers. knock yourselves out. your money, your goals, your choices, etc.
But the things we can afford are the result of the choices we make. No, I couldn't afford to live where I do if I was eating out multiple times a week, driving a BMW, and flying south twice a winter. But I CAN afford to live like I do AND save 33% of a perfectly average Canadian family income because of the CHOICES WE MAKE. Cut the damn snark. It's not flattering to anyone. Spend money on the things you value (house? travel? food? whatever it is - but it can't be EVERYTHING. Make choices.) and let the rest GO.
Argh.
Now I feel better. Thanks. ;)