Author Topic: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant  (Read 48165 times)

bridget

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 593
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #100 on: May 31, 2016, 09:37:47 AM »
10/10 rants.  Can't wait for the next issue.


Poor, poor woman not to have access to google.

I'm so blessed that when I want or need to cook something new for the first time, I google 'how to cook x' and it would bring up how to cook x.

Funny family story:

My parents, sister, BIL, and youngest brother are visiting my older brother out of state.  My youngest brother (who's about 23 years old at this point) is notorious for sleeping in until around 2pm whenever the family hangs out over vacations.  Since they have a schedule to keep however, he's up and about so they tell him to make some scrambled eggs for everyone for breakfast.  "Umm, okay."  A few minutes later, they look over and notice he's just cracking eggs into a pan and kinda moving them around.

Sister: What are you doing?
Brother: Making scrambled eggs.
Sister: What? No you're not. You're supposed to beat the eggs, add some milk and seasoning, not just push raw eggs in a hot pan.
Brother: Well I didn't know that.
Sister: Fair enough, but when you realized you didn't know how to make scrambled eggs you didn't think to just ask one of us here or even Google a simple recipe?
Brother: ...

He's getting better but we still rib him for this kind of stuff all the time.
Family:
I make scrambled eggs like Brother, because I'm lazy!  (hubby does it the "correct" way). Sorry not sorry!

I assert that neither is the correct way, they are just different preparations of scrambled eggs. I prefer Brother's way. I don't actually want a pillowy pile of mashed-potato-texture eggs with a lot of extra calories/runniness added. I want a hard-fried egg that has been broken up and stirred around (dare I say that the correct verb for this action is "scrambled"?). I like having bits of crispiness in there, and don't want the egg flavor to be diluted with other stuff.

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3643
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #101 on: May 31, 2016, 02:29:07 PM »
Preach! I just want to tear my hair out when people harp on me for not getting the latest gadget/laptop/tv or blowing cash on cocktails, but then at the same time laugh when I mention early retirement

See that's the thing, I want to get a newer TV for my living room, and a surround sound system. There' a ton of restaurants here that I want to try, I've been craving Korean for the longest time but refuse to eat out for it (need to get myself to cook my favorite dishes first), and there's a craft cocktail bar that I want to go to but can't justify $17 for a drink. These are all things that I am voluntarily depriving myself because this long weekend was fucking awesome and I hated needing to wake up to come into work. I want my life to be a long weekend, and I know that by depriving myself of these things it will come to fruition much sooner, and the enjoyment will be far greater.

In no way am I actually deprived though, my lunches and dinners are delicious (made taco salad in the slow cooker and it is AMAZING), and I have a ton of fun with friends on the weekend without needing to go out for cocktails. My living room TV is perfectly acceptable and I have little need for a sound system as my tenant goes to bed at 9 most nights anyways.  But my mind still is conditioned to want these things, thankfully it also knows that NO means NO.

ender

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4734
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #102 on: June 01, 2016, 04:45:43 AM »
Preach! I just want to tear my hair out when people harp on me for not getting the latest gadget/laptop/tv or blowing cash on cocktails, but then at the same time laugh when I mention early retirement

See that's the thing, I want to get a newer TV for my living room, and a surround sound system. There' a ton of restaurants here that I want to try, I've been craving Korean for the longest time but refuse to eat out for it (need to get myself to cook my favorite dishes first), and there's a craft cocktail bar that I want to go to but can't justify $17 for a drink. These are all things that I am voluntarily depriving myself because this long weekend was fucking awesome and I hated needing to wake up to come into work. I want my life to be a long weekend, and I know that by depriving myself of these things it will come to fruition much sooner, and the enjoyment will be far greater.

In no way am I actually deprived though, my lunches and dinners are delicious (made taco salad in the slow cooker and it is AMAZING), and I have a ton of fun with friends on the weekend without needing to go out for cocktails. My living room TV is perfectly acceptable and I have little need for a sound system as my tenant goes to bed at 9 most nights anyways.  But my mind still is conditioned to want these things, thankfully it also knows that NO means NO.

You mention a TV, do you often watch live TV and see ads?

I am curious how advertising plays into wanting things like that. I am on a very low information intake (never watch TV and almost never listen to the radio) and am curious how much having done this for years now affects my overall wants and desires for consumeristic things.

Though I already have a nice speaker set from my pre-mustachian days and highly recommend it (I think all the speakers and receiver totaled around $2000). Hah. So it's easy to say I don't want one, though the receiver requires about 15 minutes to turn on, so...

sonjak

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 235
  • Location: Portland, OR
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #103 on: June 01, 2016, 08:27:13 AM »
More recently a neighbor told me I was "lucky" because "you don't have kids or anyone else to worry about."  I used birth control and got a divorce.  Lucky me!

And I'm guessing that you not having children gets you criticized by people around you. The childfree people I know certainly do.
I'm actually pretty lucky at this point.  Pretty much everyone I interact with regularly is supportive.  One woman that I work with is always laughingly sharing stories with the comment, "this will make you grateful that you decided not to have kids" (I said it first and it's become an ongoing joke with us and 100% true.  So much drama with her teenagers.)

I did have a sort of funny experience recently at a store I don't go to often.  It was Mother's Day and she asked me if I was a mom.  I said "not anymore" without any explanation (I used to be a stepmom).  I was mentally out of it, feeling introverted and didn't feel like chatting so I didn't explain.  The look on her face was a mixture of horror and puzzlement.  I know people ask those types of questions to bond but I feel bad for people whose child died, or are going through a painful divorce or tried and couldn't get pregnant or couldn't carry the baby to term.... it feels a little thoughtless if people don't voluntarily start talking about their kids, etc.

AlwaysLearningToSave

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 437
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #104 on: June 01, 2016, 08:46:57 AM »
Poor, poor woman not to have access to google.

I'm so blessed that when I want or need to cook something new for the first time, I google 'how to cook x' and it would bring up how to cook x. I never realized what a tremendous privilege it is to be able to google recipes. Truly, we have no idea how hard life is for those who cannot go to their computers, go to the google website, and google something simple that people have known how to do for forever. We are so lucky.

In all serious, I know I'm a condescending jerk sometimes, but how hard can it be to google 'how to cook a steak'? It's not magic.
One of my best friends will reply to people's dumb Facebook question posts with a LMGTFY link. Makes me laugh every time.

To be fair, I think there can be a generational issue here where we younger folks take for granted the access we have to information and our parents just don't realize what is out there.

I am way more adventurous in the kitchen than my parents were at my age, mostly thanks to Food Network and foodnetwork.com.  Want to try an ethnic dish I've never made before?  Just Google it and with a little perusing you can easily find a top-notch recipe and sometimes even find step-by-step how-to videos.  My parents had cookbooks-- if they wanted to try a new dish they'd never done before, they looked in their cookbooks.  If it wasn't in the books, they were out of luck.  If it was in the books, its questionable whether the recipe is a good one and the recipes may lack the tips and tricks that a video can provide. 

Same with DIY projects.  I've tackled some home repair and car repair jobs that I would not have had the confidence to try were it not for access to YouTube.  Our parents didn't have that benefit. 

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3643
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #105 on: June 01, 2016, 09:13:58 AM »
Poor, poor woman not to have access to google.

I'm so blessed that when I want or need to cook something new for the first time, I google 'how to cook x' and it would bring up how to cook x. I never realized what a tremendous privilege it is to be able to google recipes. Truly, we have no idea how hard life is for those who cannot go to their computers, go to the google website, and google something simple that people have known how to do for forever. We are so lucky.

In all serious, I know I'm a condescending jerk sometimes, but how hard can it be to google 'how to cook a steak'? It's not magic.

Seriously! My dad's computer was acting screwy and took a while to fix, I just kept googling things on my phone and trying it until it worked. He had a serious of issues, but none of them were all the troublesome. I love Google!

Making Cookies

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1648
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #106 on: June 01, 2016, 01:22:57 PM »
I wonder how many folks have developed careers (or expanded upon their careers) with Google or other search engine research. I know it's been a huge boon to me.

ketchup

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3885
  • Age: 28
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #107 on: June 01, 2016, 02:07:42 PM »
I wonder how many folks have developed careers (or expanded upon their careers) with Google or other search engine research. I know it's been a huge boon to me.
I work in IT.  I probably perform at least 100 work-related Google searches a day.

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1769
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #108 on: June 01, 2016, 02:28:55 PM »
I wonder how many folks have developed careers (or expanded upon their careers) with Google or other search engine research. I know it's been a huge boon to me.
I work in IT.  I probably perform at least 100 work-related Google searches a day.

Everyone in my office thinks I'm an excel magician, including tHe banker and the investment people. I'm like, go to google, search "how to do X in Excel" follow instructions. If you do that often enough, you, too, can be an excel magician.

Warlord1986

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1197
  • Age: 33
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #109 on: June 01, 2016, 02:52:34 PM »
Whenever someone wants to put up a sign for a business in the county they go through me. Depending on the zoning district they can have up to X square feet.

One day I get a sign application for an elliptical sign. I checked the square footage and thought 'That doesn't look quite right.' Tenth grade geometry was a long time ago, (and I suck at math anyway) so I did a quick google search and re-learned how to calculate the square footage of an ellipse. I even found a calculator that will check the math for me! Turns out the customer calculated it the same way you would a rectangle (length x width) and they could have a larger sign.

I e-mailed them to let them know that the math was off, to please double check it, a link to the online calculator, and that they could have a larger sign if they wanted.

They e-mailed me back with apologies for applying to me with too LARGE a sign, and included revised drawings with a SMALLER SIGN. Calculated using length x width.

No, no! I e-mailed, figuring there had been some minor miscommunication. You can have a larger sign! It's just that ellipses are calculated differently than squares! NBD, we just need to check the math, here's the calculator, you can google it, blah-blah-blah.

This person, the VP of his small company, sent me another sign application with yet a smaller sign calculated using length x width. I stared at that e-mail for a long time wondering how he could possibly has misinterpreted my last e-mail. I mean, I understand if you don't remember something from tenth grade. But for God's sake, you should know how to read and do simple research. I'm pretty sure those signs are priced based on size and complexity, so this guy lost out on money by not googling.

LadyStache in Baja

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 698
    • My Casa Caoba: Making meaning in Mexico
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #110 on: June 01, 2016, 03:07:06 PM »
ugh, regarding the google search thing...  How about being able to perform a simple email search?

I have an assistant who does our marketing.  We've emailed back and forth about various things, including specifics on prices and sign-up dates for an upcoming project.  She made a flyer with those specifics.

Well now its time to start our email marketing campaign and she asked for the prices, info and details. 

Bah!  So frustrating.  Simply open your email account, and search for it.  You will find the email with all the info.  Or, think back to the flyer you made!!!  Pull up the flyer!

I'm hiring you to think, not just regurgitate emails and facebook posts!

I've had another partner request our bank account info.  So I checked my email, where we sent that info out, and copy and pasted the info for her. 

PEOPLE!  Why do I have to spoon-food you everything!?

dandarc

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3406
  • Age: 36
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #111 on: June 01, 2016, 03:08:21 PM »
I'm pretty sure those signs are priced based on size and complexity, so this guy lost out on money by not googling.
So this was a representative of the sign-builder?

Magilla

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 83
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #112 on: June 01, 2016, 03:50:33 PM »
ugh, regarding the google search thing...  How about being able to perform a simple email search?

I have an assistant who does our marketing.  We've emailed back and forth about various things, including specifics on prices and sign-up dates for an upcoming project.  She made a flyer with those specifics.

Well now its time to start our email marketing campaign and she asked for the prices, info and details. 

Bah!  So frustrating.  Simply open your email account, and search for it.  You will find the email with all the info.  Or, think back to the flyer you made!!!  Pull up the flyer!

I'm hiring you to think, not just regurgitate emails and facebook posts!

I've had another partner request our bank account info.  So I checked my email, where we sent that info out, and copy and pasted the info for her. 

PEOPLE!  Why do I have to spoon-food you everything!?

My biggest pet peeve with so many millenial interns.  If I have to sit there and walk you on how to do a task point by point then WTF do I need you for?  I'm giving you a task, I will give you help when you get stuck and help direct you but I want you to do your own research and figure out how to do it.   With interns I don't even care what you know or don't know, I just want you to have the drive and desire to go figure things out and ask for help when you get stuck.  And seriously, what kind of engineer are you going to be if you can't even figure shit out on your own. 

Drives me nuts!  Pure laziness.

AlwaysLearningToSave

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 437
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #113 on: June 01, 2016, 03:53:00 PM »
. . .
I've had another partner request our bank account info.  So I checked my email, where we sent that info out, and copy and pasted the info for her. 
. . .

Your mistake is copying and pasting the information for her.  In the future, forward the original email and include a note to the effect of "Here is the email I sent you last month."  Usually this will shame them into learning to search before asking. 

ender

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4734
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #114 on: June 01, 2016, 04:41:53 PM »

My biggest pet peeve with so many millenial interns.  If I have to sit there and walk you on how to do a task point by point then WTF do I need you for?  I'm giving you a task, I will give you help when you get stuck and help direct you but I want you to do your own research and figure out how to do it.   With interns I don't even care what you know or don't know, I just want you to have the drive and desire to go figure things out and ask for help when you get stuck.  And seriously, what kind of engineer are you going to be if you can't even figure shit out on your own. 

Drives me nuts!  Pure laziness.

I love reading folks rage on millenials, as if whatever generation they are part of somehow magically was perfect at the world without having anyone teach them anything ever.


Magilla

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 83
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #115 on: June 01, 2016, 04:47:01 PM »

My biggest pet peeve with so many millenial interns.  If I have to sit there and walk you on how to do a task point by point then WTF do I need you for?  I'm giving you a task, I will give you help when you get stuck and help direct you but I want you to do your own research and figure out how to do it.   With interns I don't even care what you know or don't know, I just want you to have the drive and desire to go figure things out and ask for help when you get stuck.  And seriously, what kind of engineer are you going to be if you can't even figure shit out on your own. 

Drives me nuts!  Pure laziness.

I love reading folks rage on millenials, as if whatever generation they are part of somehow magically was perfect at the world without having anyone teach them anything ever.

I will grant you that stupidity knows no generation.  And there is certainly a survivorship bias going on here where most of the lazy stupid older generation engineer wannabes are gone from my radar so I do not see them on a regular basis.  However, given that all the interns I see are millenials I doubt I could rail against interns from other generations.

Besides, I'm sure I'm wrong, but I still can't shake the feeling that this generation is lazier than the previous ones :P

Also, it doesn't annoy me they don't know how to do things it annoys me they don't put any effort in figuring it out.  They expect to be given step by step instructions and just sit there doing nothing if they get stuck until you check up on them.  This is on things that they can easily research themselves.
« Last Edit: June 01, 2016, 04:50:30 PM by Magilla »

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1769
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #116 on: June 01, 2016, 05:05:09 PM »

My biggest pet peeve with so many millenial interns.  If I have to sit there and walk you on how to do a task point by point then WTF do I need you for?  I'm giving you a task, I will give you help when you get stuck and help direct you but I want you to do your own research and figure out how to do it.   With interns I don't even care what you know or don't know, I just want you to have the drive and desire to go figure things out and ask for help when you get stuck.  And seriously, what kind of engineer are you going to be if you can't even figure shit out on your own. 

Drives me nuts!  Pure laziness.

I love reading folks rage on millenials, as if whatever generation they are part of somehow magically was perfect at the world without having anyone teach them anything ever.

I will grant you that stupidity knows no generation.  And there is certainly a survivorship bias going on here where most of the lazy stupid older generation engineer wannabes are gone from my radar so I do not see them on a regular basis.  However, given that all the interns I see are millenials I doubt I could rail against interns from other generations.

Besides, I'm sure I'm wrong, but I still can't shake the feeling that this generation is lazier than the previous ones :P

Also, it doesn't annoy me they don't know how to do things it annoys me they don't put any effort in figuring it out.  They expect to be given step by step instructions and just sit there doing nothing if they get stuck until you check up on them.  This is on things that they can easily research themselves.

Huh. See, the 25 year olds I've worked with have generally had basic problem-solving and googling skills down. Those over 40, though... Oh man. Not so much. That said, I'm not gonna make sweeping generational statements based on my experience with a handful of people.

Also, they're  interns. Bu definition, they're there to learn both how to do things and to learn the social norms and expectations of the office. With a lot of bosses, initiative and problem solving is frowned on. Academically, it's even worse. Some of what you're seeing might be learned behaviour that's been trained into them. So... Have you TOLD them that you expect problem-solving and initiative?

ender

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4734
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #117 on: June 01, 2016, 05:34:21 PM »
Huh. See, the 25 year olds I've worked with have generally had basic problem-solving and googling skills down. Those over 40, though... Oh man. Not so much. That said, I'm not gonna make sweeping generational statements based on my experience with a handful of people.

No do it, it's fun. You can use this template:


Man, I can't stand <generation> because they can't do <X> which is so basic. They are lazy and need someone to help them every step of the way and are so <adjective> about everything!

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6257
  • Location: BC
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #118 on: June 01, 2016, 06:05:31 PM »

My biggest pet peeve with so many millenial interns.  If I have to sit there and walk you on how to do a task point by point then WTF do I need you for?  I'm giving you a task, I will give you help when you get stuck and help direct you but I want you to do your own research and figure out how to do it.   With interns I don't even care what you know or don't know, I just want you to have the drive and desire to go figure things out and ask for help when you get stuck.  And seriously, what kind of engineer are you going to be if you can't even figure shit out on your own. 

Drives me nuts!  Pure laziness.

I love reading folks rage on millenials, as if whatever generation they are part of somehow magically was perfect at the world without having anyone teach them anything ever.

I will grant you that stupidity knows no generation.  And there is certainly a survivorship bias going on here where most of the lazy stupid older generation engineer wannabes are gone from my radar so I do not see them on a regular basis.  However, given that all the interns I see are millenials I doubt I could rail against interns from other generations.

Besides, I'm sure I'm wrong, but I still can't shake the feeling that this generation is lazier than the previous ones :P

Also, it doesn't annoy me they don't know how to do things it annoys me they don't put any effort in figuring it out.  They expect to be given step by step instructions and just sit there doing nothing if they get stuck until you check up on them.  This is on things that they can easily research themselves.
I have found that the ratio of people who do this is pretty consistent across all ages.

What is different is that the younger crowd ask for help or say they don't know more often.  Older ones are more likely to hide or ignore  it (you) as long as possible.

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1769
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #119 on: June 01, 2016, 06:11:21 PM »
Huh. See, the 25 year olds I've worked with have generally had basic problem-solving and googling skills down. Those over 40, though... Oh man. Not so much. That said, I'm not gonna make sweeping generational statements based on my experience with a handful of people.

No do it, it's fun. You can use this template:


Man, I can't stand <generation> because they can't do <X> which is so basic. They are lazy and need someone to help them every step of the way and are so <adjective> about everything!

Yeah, but I LIKE the high moral ground. ;)

Magilla

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 83
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #120 on: June 01, 2016, 08:13:14 PM »
Huh. See, the 25 year olds I've worked with have generally had basic problem-solving and googling skills down. Those over 40, though... Oh man. Not so much. That said, I'm not gonna make sweeping generational statements based on my experience with a handful of people.

No do it, it's fun. You can use this template:


Man, I can't stand <generation> because they can't do <X> which is so basic. They are lazy and need someone to help them every step of the way and are so <adjective> about everything!

Yeah, but I LIKE the high moral ground. ;)

Let's not kid ourselves.  You're on this section of the board to bitch about people doing things differently than you etc.  Don't think anyone here really has a moral high ground. ;)

TheGrimSqueaker

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2125
  • Location: A desert wasteland, where none but the weird survive
  • www.theliveinlandlord.com
    • The Live-In Landlord
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #121 on: June 01, 2016, 09:47:24 PM »
Huh. See, the 25 year olds I've worked with have generally had basic problem-solving and googling skills down. Those over 40, though... Oh man. Not so much. That said, I'm not gonna make sweeping generational statements based on my experience with a handful of people.

No do it, it's fun. You can use this template:


Man, I can't stand <generation> because they can't do <X> which is so basic. They are lazy and need someone to help them every step of the way and are so <adjective> about everything!

Yeah, but I LIKE the high moral ground. ;)

Let's not kid ourselves.  You're on this section of the board to bitch about people doing things differently than you etc.  Don't think anyone here really has a moral high ground. ;)

How about a moral "slightly buzzed" ground, because of the glass of red wine? That's how I like to post in the evenings. It makes my metaphors better.

EarlyStart

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 115
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #122 on: June 02, 2016, 01:01:37 AM »
I'm now getting comments about 'wow, you must be rich' and 'wow, your husband must make a LOT'. And I've gotten snarky comments from 'friends' in a similar fashion, and I'm mad.

I'm all for brushing things off and not reacting. I think being levelheaded is one of the most admirable traits...


But those comments verbatim wouldn't receive a smile and nod from me. This is going to sound snobby, but people who would dream of commenting "wow, you must be rich" and "wow, your husband must make a LOT" are white trash, plain and simple. I wouldn't tell them so, but I'd certainly make it clear that they shouldn't ever make comments like that again.

shelivesthedream

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4538
  • Location: London, UK
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #123 on: June 02, 2016, 01:43:43 AM »
I'm now getting comments about 'wow, you must be rich' and 'wow, your husband must make a LOT'. And I've gotten snarky comments from 'friends' in a similar fashion, and I'm mad.

I'm all for brushing things off and not reacting. I think being levelheaded is one of the most admirable traits...


But those comments verbatim wouldn't receive a smile and nod from me. This is going to sound snobby, but people who would dream of commenting "wow, you must be rich" and "wow, your husband must make a LOT" are white trash, plain and simple. I wouldn't tell them so, but I'd certainly make it clear that they shouldn't ever make comments like that again.

Even if they're black? Or Asian? Or Latino? Or... Or... Or...

barbaz

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 201
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #124 on: June 02, 2016, 05:18:11 AM »
1) Yes, the cedar deck ...
2) Yes, those garden boxes are nice.
3) Yes, my front deck will look lovely with large flower boxes ...
4) Yes, I have a large-ish house on 2 acres of land. ...
5) Yeah, I agree: my furniture is gorgeous. ...
Seriously though, you can't just write that and then leave us hanging without a photo.

EscapeVelocity2020

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2179
  • Age: 45
  • Location: Houston
    • EscapeVelocity2020
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #125 on: June 02, 2016, 06:39:25 AM »
1) Yes, the cedar deck ...
2) Yes, those garden boxes are nice.
3) Yes, my front deck will look lovely with large flower boxes ...
4) Yes, I have a large-ish house on 2 acres of land. ...
5) Yeah, I agree: my furniture is gorgeous. ...
Seriously though, you can't just write that and then leave us hanging without a photo.

I'm envisioning something like this...

ShoulderThingThatGoesUp

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3057
  • Location: Emmaus, PA
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #126 on: June 02, 2016, 06:40:33 AM »
I wonder how many folks have developed careers (or expanded upon their careers) with Google or other search engine research. I know it's been a huge boon to me.
I work in IT.  I probably perform at least 100 work-related Google searches a day.

Everyone in my office thinks I'm an excel magician, including tHe banker and the investment people. I'm like, go to google, search "how to do X in Excel" follow instructions. If you do that often enough, you, too, can be an excel magician.

I made "doing [insert program here] magic" into my full-time job by saying "this should be possible" and Googling how to do it. I make 80% more than I did when I started this job 5 years ago.

Warlord1986

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1197
  • Age: 33
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #127 on: June 02, 2016, 06:46:34 AM »
I'm pretty sure those signs are priced based on size and complexity, so this guy lost out on money by not googling.
So this was a representative of the sign-builder?

It was a sign vendor. Their client was a business in town who ended up with a smaller sign than what they wanted.

99% of the time signs are the easiest part of my job and I've had vendors tell me I'm a dream to work with because I make it so simple. I need Baby Jesus to hold my hand when I deal with the other one percent.

Chris22

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3210
  • Location: Chicago NW Suburbs
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #128 on: June 02, 2016, 06:49:33 AM »

My biggest pet peeve with so many millenial interns.  If I have to sit there and walk you on how to do a task point by point then WTF do I need you for?  I'm giving you a task, I will give you help when you get stuck and help direct you but I want you to do your own research and figure out how to do it.   With interns I don't even care what you know or don't know, I just want you to have the drive and desire to go figure things out and ask for help when you get stuck.  And seriously, what kind of engineer are you going to be if you can't even figure shit out on your own. 

Drives me nuts!  Pure laziness.

I love reading folks rage on millenials, as if whatever generation they are part of somehow magically was perfect at the world without having anyone teach them anything ever.

I will grant you that stupidity knows no generation.  And there is certainly a survivorship bias going on here where most of the lazy stupid older generation engineer wannabes are gone from my radar so I do not see them on a regular basis.  However, given that all the interns I see are millenials I doubt I could rail against interns from other generations.

Besides, I'm sure I'm wrong, but I still can't shake the feeling that this generation is lazier than the previous ones :P

Also, it doesn't annoy me they don't know how to do things it annoys me they don't put any effort in figuring it out.  They expect to be given step by step instructions and just sit there doing nothing if they get stuck until you check up on them.  This is on things that they can easily research themselves.

Huh. See, the 25 year olds I've worked with have generally had basic problem-solving and googling skills down. Those over 40, though... Oh man. Not so much. That said, I'm not gonna make sweeping generational statements based on my experience with a handful of people.

Also, they're  interns. Bu definition, they're there to learn both how to do things and to learn the social norms and expectations of the office. With a lot of bosses, initiative and problem solving is frowned on. Academically, it's even worse. Some of what you're seeing might be learned behaviour that's been trained into them. So... Have you TOLD them that you expect problem-solving and initiative?

I had to teach the 50ish lady who sat next to me how to do a copy+paste or a VLOOKUP about 1x a week.  And then troubleshoot what she was doing wrong.  I also inherited a task from her that took her 4 days....I got it down to 45 minutes. 

shelivesthedream

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4538
  • Location: London, UK
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #129 on: June 02, 2016, 07:52:19 AM »
I wrote out instructions for one lady on how to print from excel and fill the whole sheet with the numbers rather than tiny dot numbers and a load of empty cells (I.e. Print selection). I figured it out through Google.

Anyway, she used the instructions a few times and then told me they didn't work any more. I said I'd watch her do it and try and figure out what the problem was. She did step one, then step two, then step four, then-- Wait, you skipped a step. What, you mean I have to do all the steps?

YES! Yes of course you have to do all the steps! I didn't write them in just for fun! You called me in here to demonstrate to me that not only can you not google something, but you also cannot follow simple written instructions?! How have you kept your job for the past few decades?

I pretended the phone was ringing next door so I could walk away and not punch her. I think it's partially a difference in expectation. If I want to do something on the computer I assume that other people might want to do it too, and so that it would be written into the software, and that the information on how to do it would be widely available. If she wants to do something and doesn't know how, she assumes it's impossible to do it on the software so doesn't bother looking.

That same office had a massive problem with emails being missed in a shared inbox because Outlook marked them as read after previewing. Two days in, I thought this was a PITA, googled it, and found a box to uncheck so they were only marked as read after being opened and then did it on everyone's computer. One lady had worked there for fifteen years and complained about the shared inbox every single day and had never once googled it to see if it could be changed. Fucking hell.

ketchup

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3885
  • Age: 28
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #130 on: June 02, 2016, 08:49:08 AM »
I wrote out instructions for one lady on how to print from excel and fill the whole sheet with the numbers rather than tiny dot numbers and a load of empty cells (I.e. Print selection). I figured it out through Google.

Anyway, she used the instructions a few times and then told me they didn't work any more. I said I'd watch her do it and try and figure out what the problem was. She did step one, then step two, then step four, then-- Wait, you skipped a step. What, you mean I have to do all the steps?

YES! Yes of course you have to do all the steps! I didn't write them in just for fun! You called me in here to demonstrate to me that not only can you not google something, but you also cannot follow simple written instructions?! How have you kept your job for the past few decades?

I pretended the phone was ringing next door so I could walk away and not punch her. I think it's partially a difference in expectation. If I want to do something on the computer I assume that other people might want to do it too, and so that it would be written into the software, and that the information on how to do it would be widely available. If she wants to do something and doesn't know how, she assumes it's impossible to do it on the software so doesn't bother looking.

That same office had a massive problem with emails being missed in a shared inbox because Outlook marked them as read after previewing. Two days in, I thought this was a PITA, googled it, and found a box to uncheck so they were only marked as read after being opened and then did it on everyone's computer. One lady had worked there for fifteen years and complained about the shared inbox every single day and had never once googled it to see if it could be changed. Fucking hell.
Sounds about right.

I usually work under the assumption that nobody ready any emails, nobody remembers what I said or did last time, nobody actually restarted before finding me, nobody knows what "logoff" means, and you didn't really fiddle with the printer or if you did you fucked it up.  It makes things easier.

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1769
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #131 on: June 02, 2016, 09:03:29 AM »
1) Yes, the cedar deck ...
2) Yes, those garden boxes are nice.
3) Yes, my front deck will look lovely with large flower boxes ...
4) Yes, I have a large-ish house on 2 acres of land. ...
5) Yeah, I agree: my furniture is gorgeous. ...
Seriously though, you can't just write that and then leave us hanging without a photo.

I'm envisioning something like this...


Picture something a bit more like this:


Except add a small front deck/roof over the front door and entryway. That'd be the deck that needs flower boxes. :)

All the pictures on my phone have my kid in them, so not posting on a public forum... but, like, seriously, the garden boxes are 4x8 squares that are full of veggies. The flower boxes on the deck will basically be simple black cubes with legs (this plan: http://www.ana-white.com/2012/04/plans/square-planters-finials). It's not anything hugely extravagant!!



Playing with Fire UK

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2545
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #132 on: June 02, 2016, 09:09:12 AM »
That sounds amazing, I hope you are proud of the effort you put into that.

LAL

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 155
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #133 on: June 02, 2016, 09:21:28 AM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3643
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #134 on: June 02, 2016, 09:32:28 AM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

Yeah, I also never understood the appeal of a mansion. I can understand it if you have a huge family, but for me, it just means a large tax bill, loads more to maintain, and higher costs for electrical/heating usage.

onlykelsey

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 2172
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #135 on: June 02, 2016, 09:34:16 AM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

Yeah, I also never understood the appeal of a mansion. I can understand it if you have a huge family, but for me, it just means a large tax bill, loads more to maintain, and higher costs for electrical/heating usage.

Agreed.  Talk to me after my second kid, but I think I would be comfortable raising two kids (with my 100 lbs dog) in my ~840 square foot place if it weren't 11' wide and a million feet long (so much lost space in the hallways!). Maybe 1000 or 1200 would be more reasonable.

mm1970

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6609
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #136 on: June 02, 2016, 11:06:36 AM »

My biggest pet peeve with so many millenial interns.  If I have to sit there and walk you on how to do a task point by point then WTF do I need you for?  I'm giving you a task, I will give you help when you get stuck and help direct you but I want you to do your own research and figure out how to do it.   With interns I don't even care what you know or don't know, I just want you to have the drive and desire to go figure things out and ask for help when you get stuck.  And seriously, what kind of engineer are you going to be if you can't even figure shit out on your own. 

Drives me nuts!  Pure laziness.

I love reading folks rage on millenials, as if whatever generation they are part of somehow magically was perfect at the world without having anyone teach them anything ever.

Ha ha yes.  I'm an X-er, and I feel like I was *pretty good* at figuring things out myself.  I don't think, however, that it was something special to my generation.  I think my parents taught me to figure things out for myself.  I also have some innate skill.

I think, however, that this varies.  I am an engineer and I work with a lot of PhD's.  There's a wide variety of ability to just "figure things out" in my coworkers.  I've found that I am *much* better at applying what I already know to new situations, than I am (or ever have been) at dealing with completely new things.  Completely new things flummox me.  I get there, eventually.  So much of my success now is from applying my decades of experience.

I've been thrown into a completely new position now, and I'm back at square 2 or 3 at "figuring things out myself".  It's an area that I still struggle.

Likewise, I've had a lot of millenial engineers work for me, with varying abilities to "figure things out for themselves".  Most of them have been self-starters, go getters, and fantastic.  But some haven't been that great. 

The ones that haven't been great, I work with them step by step with instructions on how to do various things - where to find info, how to look things up, how and where to record the data, how to analyze and present results.  If they aren't able to "figure it out" then I can teach them and grow them. I figured it was kind of my job. 

I see nothing wrong with having to train someone.  If you have to train them over and over again, well, that's different.

infogoon

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 840
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #137 on: June 02, 2016, 12:59:19 PM »
Just chiming in to sympathize with your rant. I'm getting more and more annoyed with people saying "Oh, you're so lucky that your wife can stay home with the kids!" No, dipshit, it's because we bought a house for $80k when you bought one for $300k, and I drive an eight year old car while you upgrade your SUV every time the lease expires. No luck, just math.

pbkmaine

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8292
  • Age: 62
  • Location: The Villages, Florida
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #138 on: June 02, 2016, 01:10:27 PM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

Yeah, I also never understood the appeal of a mansion. I can understand it if you have a huge family, but for me, it just means a large tax bill, loads more to maintain, and higher costs for electrical/heating usage.

Agreed.  Talk to me after my second kid, but I think I would be comfortable raising two kids (with my 100 lbs dog) in my ~840 square foot place if it weren't 11' wide and a million feet long (so much lost space in the hallways!). Maybe 1000 or 1200 would be more reasonable.

Hallways are great for little kids! Put the trikes there on rainy days and let them exhaust themselves!

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3643
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #139 on: June 02, 2016, 02:13:35 PM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

Yeah, I also never understood the appeal of a mansion. I can understand it if you have a huge family, but for me, it just means a large tax bill, loads more to maintain, and higher costs for electrical/heating usage.

Agreed.  Talk to me after my second kid, but I think I would be comfortable raising two kids (with my 100 lbs dog) in my ~840 square foot place if it weren't 11' wide and a million feet long (so much lost space in the hallways!). Maybe 1000 or 1200 would be more reasonable.

Hallways are great for little kids! Put the trikes there on rainy days and let them exhaust themselves!

Trikes on a long hallway reminds me of The Shining.

Nederstash

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 346
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #140 on: June 02, 2016, 03:00:41 PM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

Yeah, I also never understood the appeal of a mansion. I can understand it if you have a huge family, but for me, it just means a large tax bill, loads more to maintain, and higher costs for electrical/heating usage.

Agreed.  Talk to me after my second kid, but I think I would be comfortable raising two kids (with my 100 lbs dog) in my ~840 square foot place if it weren't 11' wide and a million feet long (so much lost space in the hallways!). Maybe 1000 or 1200 would be more reasonable.

Hallways are great for little kids! Put the trikes there on rainy days and let them exhaust themselves!

Trikes on a long hallway reminds me of The Shining.

The Overlook hotel, while huge, was actually very affordable. Jack Torrance got *paid* to live there with his family. And little Danny Torrance never paid much for a cell phone plan - just did it mentally. Quite MMM now I think about it.

MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3643
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #141 on: June 02, 2016, 03:24:30 PM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

Yeah, I also never understood the appeal of a mansion. I can understand it if you have a huge family, but for me, it just means a large tax bill, loads more to maintain, and higher costs for electrical/heating usage.

Agreed.  Talk to me after my second kid, but I think I would be comfortable raising two kids (with my 100 lbs dog) in my ~840 square foot place if it weren't 11' wide and a million feet long (so much lost space in the hallways!). Maybe 1000 or 1200 would be more reasonable.

Hallways are great for little kids! Put the trikes there on rainy days and let them exhaust themselves!

Trikes on a long hallway reminds me of The Shining.

The Overlook hotel, while huge, was actually very affordable. Jack Torrance got *paid* to live there with his family. And little Danny Torrance never paid much for a cell phone plan - just did it mentally. Quite MMM now I think about it.

Except your forgetting that Jack is an alcoholic that's lost jobs due to his alcoholism and lack of anger management, which I would argue isn't very MMM.

On a side note, I saw the world premier of the operatic adaption of the book. I don't know if anyone here is an opera lover, but if you are and you get a chance to see this, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! Heck, even if you don't like opera, I recommend seeing it. It is amazingly good!

Nederstash

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 346
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #142 on: June 02, 2016, 03:30:18 PM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

Yeah, I also never understood the appeal of a mansion. I can understand it if you have a huge family, but for me, it just means a large tax bill, loads more to maintain, and higher costs for electrical/heating usage.

Agreed.  Talk to me after my second kid, but I think I would be comfortable raising two kids (with my 100 lbs dog) in my ~840 square foot place if it weren't 11' wide and a million feet long (so much lost space in the hallways!). Maybe 1000 or 1200 would be more reasonable.

Hallways are great for little kids! Put the trikes there on rainy days and let them exhaust themselves!

Trikes on a long hallway reminds me of The Shining.

The Overlook hotel, while huge, was actually very affordable. Jack Torrance got *paid* to live there with his family. And little Danny Torrance never paid much for a cell phone plan - just did it mentally. Quite MMM now I think about it.

Except your forgetting that Jack is an alcoholic that's lost jobs due to his alcoholism and lack of anger management, which I would argue isn't very MMM.

On a side note, I saw the world premier of the operatic adaption of the book. I don't know if anyone here is an opera lover, but if you are and you get a chance to see this, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! Heck, even if you don't like opera, I recommend seeing it. It is amazingly good!

Oh my God, I'm imagining 'Heeeere's Johnny' in a dramatic opera voice.

Guses

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 917
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #143 on: June 02, 2016, 03:35:33 PM »
My colleagues are... clown-car ridiculous.

RANT


Whoa whoa whoa! Calm down baby girl, is it this time of the month again? I am sure if you ask nicely, your husband will give you a few bucks so that you can buy yourself a nice dress.







Totally kidding, don't hurt me. ;)

I sure would love to see pictures of the deck and garden boxes!



MgoSam

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3643
  • Location: Minnesota
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #144 on: June 02, 2016, 07:56:50 PM »
I never got the whole renting a summer place. I also don't get how people don't understand buying a very expensive car can make a huge dent in finances.

Yeah, I also never understood the appeal of a mansion. I can understand it if you have a huge family, but for me, it just means a large tax bill, loads more to maintain, and higher costs for electrical/heating usage.

Agreed.  Talk to me after my second kid, but I think I would be comfortable raising two kids (with my 100 lbs dog) in my ~840 square foot place if it weren't 11' wide and a million feet long (so much lost space in the hallways!). Maybe 1000 or 1200 would be more reasonable.

Hallways are great for little kids! Put the trikes there on rainy days and let them exhaust themselves!

Trikes on a long hallway reminds me of The Shining.

The Overlook hotel, while huge, was actually very affordable. Jack Torrance got *paid* to live there with his family. And little Danny Torrance never paid much for a cell phone plan - just did it mentally. Quite MMM now I think about it.

Except your forgetting that Jack is an alcoholic that's lost jobs due to his alcoholism and lack of anger management, which I would argue isn't very MMM.

On a side note, I saw the world premier of the operatic adaption of the book. I don't know if anyone here is an opera lover, but if you are and you get a chance to see this, I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! Heck, even if you don't like opera, I recommend seeing it. It is amazingly good!

Oh my God, I'm imagining 'Heeeere's Johnny' in a dramatic opera voice.

I was going to go with a good friend but I told her the wrong date and she was going to be in NYC that day so I went with another friend, that guy came close to promising to name his first born son after me, he was that grateful (tickets to all performances sold out about a month before).

Ellsie Equanimity

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 49
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #145 on: June 02, 2016, 10:34:04 PM »
I didn't read all of this thread. But this:

my house was in the background of the picture. I'm now getting comments about 'wow, you must be rich' and 'wow, your husband must make a LOT'. And I've gotten snarky comments from 'friends' in a similar fashion, and I'm mad.

. . .

To answer their comments, as well as other snarky comments I've gotten about my house:
1) Yes, the cedar deck that is in the process of being built is huge (10x36 - the entire length of the house).
2) Yes, those garden boxes are nice. Yes, everything is growing and looks lush and amazing.
3) Yes, my front deck will look lovely with large flower boxes all built and put in.
4) Yes, I have a large-ish house on 2 acres of land. . .Coming home feels like being on vacation. I like it.
5) Yeah, I agree: my furniture is gorgeous.

got me thinking. Sorry if I go a little analytical on you here if that isn't what you are looking for. Feel free to disregard.

Isn't a basic premise of "mustachianism" recognizing that you *are* rich? Whether that be understanding the importance of the choices of what you spend on aspect or upping your contentedness because most everything we consider common these days is a luxury, (likely both), I believe that is pretty fundamental to the life you have chosen. You, yourself, are admitting in your rant that you see what you have as huge, nice, lovely, gorgeous, etc.

So what bothers you about the comments? (genuine introspective question.)

Is it the lack of respect for the fact that you worked for it and chose it? Is it the ignorance that they could to? You mention both of these aspects. Most other things I can think of fall into basically these categories (such as an assumption that you or your husband make more than they do, but that most likely would be bothersome in the same ways, that either you are bothered that they think a higher salary means you had it easy and didn't work for it, or that they don't understand the principles of what you can get on this salary.)

In either case you can subtly educate and respond with compassion rather than anger. I get that people are frustrating, and good for you to not rant back to them. But there are responses that can possibly help them learn and hopefully help you continue to view them with more compassion and grace than anger.

"You must be rich/make a lot" can be responded to with something along the lines of (quick response) "Not overly rich but we know what we value and making it a hobby helps a lot!" Or elaborated further: "We know what's important to us and what we want to spend on. We had a great time building all the gardens ourselves. It's much less expensive than paying someone plus we enjoy it!" or (a little more insightful/educational) "We love that our jobs allow us to invest time in building our home. We watch our spending in other ways so we can spend some on hobbies we enjoy. Plus when we do a lot of the work ourselves it ends up not costing as much as you would think anyway!"

An "I can't afford..." response can be countered with your own experience - "It's surprising what you can afford when you know your priorities. We make sure to spend as little as possible on driving, we even only have one car, because we know that this is more important to us." Just pretend they are baby mustachians in training! If you're really comfortable with them you could even do some actual comparisons. I think I saw a post about groceries, that is a pretty safe place to say real numbers without getting to personal - "I spent $x. When you buy fresh and plan/cook, it actually saves a lot!" You could even offer to help. "If you wanted I could give you recipes/meal planning for what we do. They really get you in prepackaged stuff so we avoid that and it ends up being high quality and really not very expensive. (Optional: We only spend $x and we end up feeling like we eat luxuriously!)"

I'm not saying this is easy or that they'll get it. Some people will never see it from your perspective. But at least you are honest with where you stand.

I guess, the main thing I really wanted to say was just that, their basic premise - you must be rich - is *right* not because you are more rich or privileged than them, but because of all that you have and love and appreciate. If nothing else, you are rich in knowledge and discipline in a way they seem not to be, and pondering that may make you feel more thankful and thus more able to patiently state your perspective rather than getting angry.

Food for thought. Dismiss it if it's not helpful.
« Last Edit: June 02, 2016, 10:35:38 PM by MrsEnder »

BlueHouse

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 2985
  • Location: WDC
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #146 on: June 03, 2016, 05:02:21 AM »

I've had another partner request our bank account info.  So I checked my email, where we sent that info out, and copy and pasted the info for her. 

PEOPLE!  Why do I have to spoon-food you everything!?
This describes approx 70% of what I do everyday. I bill $185/hour.
On a regular basis, I am asked to do some extra task to help someone else out. I chuckle inside but very willingly and with a great attitude agree to do some pretty menial tasks. Last week I was paid $1400 to print labels. Not complaining! 

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1769
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #147 on: June 03, 2016, 07:09:06 AM »
My colleagues are... clown-car ridiculous.

RANT


Whoa whoa whoa! Calm down baby girl, is it this time of the month again? I am sure if you ask nicely, your husband will give you a few bucks so that you can buy yourself a nice dress.







Totally kidding, don't hurt me. ;)

I sure would love to see pictures of the deck and garden boxes!

Wow, you must have met some of my old colleagues, to he able to imitate them that well. ;)

Joking aside: the deck is in process of being built, so pictures when we're done..., but here are the garden boxes (blueberry bushes on one side, swing and sandbox on the other).

See what I mean? Nice. Super functional. Will look lush once more veggies start growing in. But... home-built, from lumber we sawed ourselves, and not really the hight of luxury. Why someone would pay big bucks for the equivalent, I don't know.

Kitsune

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1769
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #148 on: June 03, 2016, 07:41:15 AM »
I didn't read all of this thread. But this:

my house was in the background of the picture. I'm now getting comments about 'wow, you must be rich' and 'wow, your husband must make a LOT'. And I've gotten snarky comments from 'friends' in a similar fashion, and I'm mad.

. . .

To answer their comments, as well as other snarky comments I've gotten about my house:
1) Yes, the cedar deck that is in the process of being built is huge (10x36 - the entire length of the house).
2) Yes, those garden boxes are nice. Yes, everything is growing and looks lush and amazing.
3) Yes, my front deck will look lovely with large flower boxes all built and put in.
4) Yes, I have a large-ish house on 2 acres of land. . .Coming home feels like being on vacation. I like it.
5) Yeah, I agree: my furniture is gorgeous.

got me thinking. Sorry if I go a little analytical on you here if that isn't what you are looking for. Feel free to disregard.

So what bothers you about the comments? (genuine introspective question.)

Is it the lack of respect for the fact that you worked for it and chose it? Is it the ignorance that they could to? You mention both of these aspects. Most other things I can think of fall into basically these categories (such as an assumption that you or your husband make more than they do, but that most likely would be bothersome in the same ways, that either you are bothered that they think a higher salary means you had it easy and didn't work for it, or that they don't understand the principles of what you can get on this salary.)

(snip)

I guess, the main thing I really wanted to say was just that, their basic premise - you must be rich - is *right* not because you are more rich or privileged than them, but because of all that you have and love and appreciate. If nothing else, you are rich in knowledge and discipline in a way they seem not to be, and pondering that may make you feel more thankful and thus more able to patiently state your perspective rather than getting angry.

Food for thought. Dismiss it if it's not helpful.

No worries - I like introspection.

I think what genuinely annoys me about it is the dismissal, combined with the need to talk about it? I dunno. I put a fair amount of effot (and money, but a lot less money than if I wasn't also putting in effort) into making my space a nice space - it's something that's important to me. And, y'know, no judgement or expectation of anyone else - I have friends who genuinely don't care about their living space and live in little white apartments on college-age fiberboard furniture, and spend all their money on travelling. Absolutely fine! You do you! But having someone look at what I'm doing and be like 'enh, obviously you have that, your husband makes money' makes me bristle, because it's not true, and it's hard work, and it just feels like a complete dismissal of the work we're putting in to get the results they're simultaneously admiring and dismissing.

Also, it's a huge and gorgeous house to ME - but gorgeous is relative, and huge = less than 2K square feet, plus basement. So, less actual square footage than most new houses around here. Still feels huge, though. ;)

Also, the expectation (actually stated) that I sympathize with why they can't have what I have while also having what they have. And my reserves of patience are low, so no: because I can't have what I have while also having what they have. It's a choice. I don't CARE what you chose. But I'm not particularly inclined to be sympathetic because you chose to have something different.

I dunno. It's the complete dismissal of working and choices, combined with a total sympathy-circle of 'no one can get ahead and so we need sympathy from those who are managing to get ahead to validate our choices so we don't need to change'. It's... exasperating.

And yeah, I'm trying the subtle educating. It's... slowly sinking into one person that there might be something to it, the others just dismiss it as 'but you're lucky, it's different for us'. Then again, this is the person who just signed a lease on a new car because she could afford lease payments but not a 2K repair on her owned-and-payed-off car, so, y'know, the path is long.


LeRainDrop

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1841
Re: External perception vs actual financial state: A Rant
« Reply #149 on: June 03, 2016, 08:08:27 AM »
Joking aside: the deck is in process of being built, so pictures when we're done..., but here are the garden boxes (blueberry bushes on one side, swing and sandbox on the other).

See what I mean? Nice. Super functional. Will look lush once more veggies start growing in. But... home-built, from lumber we sawed ourselves, and not really the hight of luxury. Why someone would pay big bucks for the equivalent, I don't know.

Love this!  It's exactly like what my parents did with us kids growing up (except that they bought the lumber).  We had a large L-shape box for our garden (tomatoes, strawberries, peppers, flowers, carrots, green beans, etc.) and a mirror-image L-shape box for our sandbox and the swing-set that parents bought from our next-door neighbors when they wanted to "upgrade" to some new, expensive version.  The picture that of the similar house you posted also looks so much like the house that my elementary school crush grew up in.  Do you live in New England?