The Money Mustache Community
Around the Internet => Antimustachian Wall of Shame and Comedy => Topic started by: Zamboni on September 10, 2017, 12:58:29 PM
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Having to hide how much you spend? How hard for you . . . that must be soooo stressful!
https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/08/opinion/sunday/what-the-rich-wont-tell-you.html?mc=adintl&mcid=facebook&subid1=subscribers180&mccr=tafi (https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/08/opinion/sunday/what-the-rich-wont-tell-you.html?mc=adintl&mcid=facebook&subid1=subscribers180&mccr=tafi)
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Existing discussion of this article: https://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/welcome-to-the-forum/ny-times-article-'what-the-rich-won't-tell-you'/
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Ah, okay, go ahead and lock this one then. Thanks!
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I want the nanny to see the price tag, so I can lord my superiority over her.
Except, of course, I'm too cheap for a nanny.
Or $6 bread.
Okay, I'll just move along.
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We currently have a nanny (she doesn't live with us; we buy 25-40 hours a week from her on average).
It's been very instructive for my wife. She has come to appreciate how much more privelege we have, and how much more insulated our jobs make us from the periodic financial shocks (car, AC, health care bills) that life throws at you. We also think it's better to hire that than to receive the care for free from a grandparent (like my wife's brother does) with accompanying family drama.
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We currently have a nanny (she doesn't live with us; we buy 25-40 hours a week from her on average).
It's been very instructive for my wife. She has come to appreciate how much more privelege we have, and how much more insulated our jobs make us from the periodic financial shocks (car, AC, health care bills) that life throws at you. We also think it's better to hire that than to receive the care for free from a grandparent (like my wife's brother does) with accompanying family drama.
Why? Is this specific to your particular family issues or do you think this is a better more for everyone? Not judging, just trying to understand.
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We currently have a nanny (she doesn't live with us; we buy 25-40 hours a week from her on average).
It's been very instructive for my wife. She has come to appreciate how much more privelege we have, and how much more insulated our jobs make us from the periodic financial shocks (car, AC, health care bills) that life throws at you. We also think it's better to hire that than to receive the care for free from a grandparent (like my wife's brother does) with accompanying family drama.
Why? Is this specific to your particular family issues or do you think this is a better more for everyone? Not judging, just trying to understand.
It may depend on the family. Specifically, the character of the grandparent, the brattitude (I just invented that word) of the kid(s), and the structure and relationships with the rest of the family. If Granny or Grandpa's a chain-smoking, drunk-driving, multiple felon with outstanding warrants for aggravated pedophilia I'd probably say no. Likewise if the kid is on a feeding tube or other form of life support and the grandparent doesn't have (and isn't willing to get) the necessary skills to provide care. Trying to force that situation would end in serious drama. Or, if the family is dysfunctional, then the tensions between the various adults will be picked up by and/or taken out on the kid. No bueno.
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We currently have a nanny (she doesn't live with us; we buy 25-40 hours a week from her on average).
It's been very instructive for my wife. She has come to appreciate how much more privelege we have, and how much more insulated our jobs make us from the periodic financial shocks (car, AC, health care bills) that life throws at you. We also think it's better to hire that than to receive the care for free from a grandparent (like my wife's brother does) with accompanying family drama.
We hired an au pair for one year, because we needed help but had no family available. Both grandmothers are deceased, and both grandfathers live far away. We wouldn't have been able to afford a nanny, though. Full time nannies around here earn around 40K a year. For some, they get free rent as well. They don't get rich, but they're not exactly struggling either.
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Regarding the free care from a grandparent: my own MIL is wonderful (and competent), but I think about the Toby Keith song "As good as I once was". She'll be great for a few days in a row, but the relentless schedule of five days a week would be more than she can manage. It's just...enervating.
And, yes, free services from a family member require plenty of care and feeding. I know of people who make it work. I refuse to judge people who cannot.
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My experience from my sister and SIL is that when you have free (or absurdly reduced price) care from family, you lose a bit of the control of how your kid is raised and have to accept what the grandparent does. It puts you in a difficult situation when you disagree with some of the things they are doing, and they aren't interested in the feedback.
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We've also wound up in situations in which my MIL up-and-goes to visit my brother-in-law during time when we thought she'd be available to watch our kids for a week. It's not like she's an employee!
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My experience from my sister and SIL is that when you have free (or absurdly reduced price) care from family, you lose a bit of the control of how your kid is raised and have to accept what the grandparent does. It puts you in a difficult situation when you disagree with some of the things they are doing, and they aren't interested in the feedback.
This happens with nannies, too, as it is a large challenge to hire a new nanny, so minor or moderate differences in child raising style are negotiated.
Tall texan is right, however, the family angle being unavailable is much more common than when you are paying someone.
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Being a SAHM over the past few year, I've had lots of people ask me to babysit. They are pretty shocked when I tell them I don't have time to. Nor do I want to. I'd rather just look after my own kids.
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My experience from my sister and SIL is that when you have free (or absurdly reduced price) care from family, you lose a bit of the control of how your kid is raised and have to accept what the grandparent does. It puts you in a difficult situation when you disagree with some of the things they are doing, and they aren't interested in the feedback.
This happens with nannies, too, as it is a large challenge to hire a new nanny, so minor or moderate differences in child raising style are negotiated.
Tall texan is right, however, the family angle being unavailable is much more common than when you are paying someone.
Also, if for whatever reason you stop having the nanny watch the kids, the business relationship is over and there is no social relationship. If you have to have the grandparents stop watching the kids, there's still an enduring family relationship. So whereas it's possible (and in fact necessary) to give polite instructions to your staff and to provide feedback in ways you'd like to have them improve or change something, it's a lot harder to correct or lead your own parent or parent-in-law without damaging the social relationship with them. Particularly not since your parents are used to being the ones in a position of relative authority.