Author Topic: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?  (Read 33366 times)

exterous

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Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« on: June 13, 2016, 08:08:56 AM »
Over the last month I've encountered several instances outside of the more traditional coworkers\family anecdotes that made my wife and I feel a bit more surrounded by Spendy McSpendersons than usual

Our company does work for a number of public institutions. A couple of weeks ago I was on the campus of a well known university when I found out they are considering a multi-million dollar renovation to their administration building. There is nothing wrong with the building - it just doesn't match their vision of what should be befitting of their institution. It also has no instructional capabilities so it boggels my mind that in an era of skyrocketing tuition they don't seem to care enough to not do this.

At our HOA meeting they were discussing the need to increase HOA dues due to the $4,000 projected yearly shortfall. My suggestion that we, perhaps, look into the $2,000 spent on holiday decorations and $1500 for neighborhood parties as alternative sources of reducing the shortfall was not enthusiastically received. Its still a pretty good HOA with cheap dues and where we want to live but why bother looking at expenses when you can just throw more money at things right?

And then last week I was on another campus where the justification for not resolving a problem was "Just make the students pay for it. Its less than the cost of a textbook." That strikes me as a terrible rational for inaction on an issue.

dougules

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #1 on: June 13, 2016, 09:47:05 AM »
Yes, it gets old for me to be surrounded by people that seem to think money grows on trees. 

The worst for me is that socializing with anybody around me always seems to involve spending money.  I do occasionally enjoy the guilty indulgence of having an army of servants make my dinner,  but I don't want to do it every time I hang out with people. 

And the whole university thing I completely agree with.  We live close to a university and walk through the campus for exercise or to get to the grocery store.   They are building left and right.  It's partly justified by the increasing student body, but a lot of it is completely wasteful.  They levelled a building just because it was from the 70s and built a fancy new one in its place.  And there is plenty of open space on the campus for new buildings without knocking down old ones. 

I think/hope there are still a few places where you can still find a community of people who take advantage of frugality.  I lived in Oregon a decade ago, and a lot of people there were living on shoestring budgets to enjoy life instead of having to work a soul-crushing job.  Mustachianism takes a slightly different tack, but is essentially headed to the same place.  Oregon is getting too expensive for frugal people now, but I think there are probably other places out there where I can find a group of like-minded people once I get to FIRE. 
« Last Edit: June 13, 2016, 09:49:36 AM by dougules »

jinga nation

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #2 on: June 13, 2016, 10:52:39 AM »
Conspicuous consumption is the norm.
McSpendys look at Moustaches with disdain and given them the "party pooper" look.
Stay the course.

MgoSam

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2016, 11:54:36 AM »
Yeah it can raise awkward moments. I have season tickets to the opera through their young adults program, and it works out to $29/ticket. The first performance always has a swanky after party that's a white tie affair. I asked a buddy of mine if he was going, tickets to it were $70 each, and he said, "Yeah, it's not all that much." And I had to bite back a response that it was too a lot, but I realized that to my friend the amount was immaterial as he was someone that earned a ton of money. I also mentioned that I don't own a tux, and he smiled and said, "Just rent it like I do." Um no.

Turns out a good friend of mine's business partner is on the opera's board and organized the gala and I got a free ticket through him. I just wore my usual opera outfit (suit with bowtie) and went, no one said anything.

chemistk

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #4 on: June 13, 2016, 07:40:36 PM »
I used to think my family was a pile of penny pinchers, growing up we never had new anything and it always seemed like there were things we just could not afford. Looking back, my parents were great in some areas but horrible in others. The otherday I learned my in laws (who are self employed) would be shelling out $3,000+ for required dental work. My wife sent them a link to an estimate of a private dental insurance plan that would reduce that cost by 75% and they acted like they had never even known that private dental insurance existed.

With friends, it's equally as hard as most of them are now getting going in their careers and starting to spend and flaunt money, while my wife and I act a lot like our college days (cheap food, byob, cheap entertainment).

Coming back to the forums/reading a new post puts things back in perspective. If I need a face punch when I'm with family or friends, I just start doing mental math for when we could call it quits and it helps a lot.

MoneyCat

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #5 on: June 13, 2016, 07:57:07 PM »
I just blew the minds of everyone in my neighborhood by using a wood chipper to make mulch for my garden out of branches that fell off the trees in my backyard. They pay other people to clear their branches and pay for the mulch when they pay other people to do their gardening for them. I always feel like a bit of an oddball around here.

Stachey

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2016, 07:57:41 PM »
It is isolating to be a frugal person so it's best to be on the lookout for hilarious moments (because they will happen).

I used to share a cube farm with a woman who constantly kept the rest of us informed about how much she was spending on her clothing.  $55 for a hideous sweater is just one example.

So anyway she was always looking me up and down and sneering.  One day she says to me, "How come you are always so dressed up?"   It was all I could do not to laugh in her face because everything I was wearing was from the thrift store and the most expensive thing was like six dollars.   (Of course I didn't tell her that...someone has to keep Holt Renfrew in business as long as it isn't me.)

KodeBlue

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2016, 08:22:02 PM »
Yes, everyone thinks I'm a freak cuz I don't have a cellphone or any other device, just a landline and a desktop.

Exenos

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #8 on: June 14, 2016, 05:04:41 AM »
Yeah.

Cycling to work
Not buying food every friday at the pub/asking for water
If I want something (eg, coffee machine) buying spares and repairs for peanuts and fixing
Not buying designer labels

List goes on, but I'm open with the fact that we live mainly of SO's paycheck and most of mine will get invested and I'm looking to retire early.

The Money Monk

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #9 on: June 14, 2016, 08:37:58 AM »
Yes, everyone thinks I'm a freak cuz I don't have a cellphone or any other device, just a landline and a desktop.

At this point you can usually get a (non-'smart') cell phone for less than a land line

dougules

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #10 on: June 14, 2016, 09:08:00 AM »
I just blew the minds of everyone in my neighborhood by using a wood chipper to make mulch for my garden out of branches that fell off the trees in my backyard. They pay other people to clear their branches and pay for the mulch when they pay other people to do their gardening for them. I always feel like a bit of an oddball around here.

I think this is more about the collective insanity around you rather than your own insanity.  People just don't even question ironies like this. 

KisKis

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #11 on: June 14, 2016, 09:14:50 AM »
If I need a face punch when I'm with family or friends, I just start doing mental math for when we could call it quits and it helps a lot.

Go to your happy place.

mm1970

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #12 on: June 14, 2016, 09:26:49 AM »
Quote
The worst for me is that socializing with anybody around me always seems to involve spending money.  I do occasionally enjoy the guilty indulgence of having an army of servants make my dinner,  but I don't want to do it every time I hang out with people. 

This is my challenge too. This has been an expensive year.  (Social stuff and dates.)  Generally, I try to *only* go out for social things.  But there have been a lot of them lately.  In the past it's been easier to say no because of the age of our youngest kid.

Kaspian

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #13 on: June 15, 2016, 10:47:56 AM »

And the whole university thing I completely agree with.  We live close to a university and walk through the campus for exercise or to get to the grocery store.   They are building left and right.  It's partly justified by the increasing student body, but a lot of it is completely wasteful.  They levelled a building just because it was from the 70s and built a fancy new one in its place.  And there is plenty of open space on the campus for new buildings without knocking down old ones. 


Sadly, this happens most often because some faculty or board member or wants to create a "legacy" for themselves. It also happens with politicians where their last year or two in office they'll build an arena or have a certain part of town redone with cobblestones and planters and all that.  They get all the credit and a shiny brass plaque mounted with their name on it but the actual cash for the project came from students, taxpayers, etc.  It's all about the ego.

ringer707

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #14 on: June 15, 2016, 01:40:10 PM »
Yup, just started a new job recently and already feeling this. There are more people my age (mid-20s) in this office. We all make the exact same, but I'm the only one who has Husband's income as well my own as the rest of them are single. Yet somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't want to go out to lunch every day. One of them has stayed here to eat lunch two times, other than that they all go out. I went out the first day of the job in the spirit of office camaraderie and was distressed at spending $5 just at the Kroger salad bar station. I've already been asked why I don't join them more.

dougules

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #15 on: June 15, 2016, 03:00:43 PM »

And the whole university thing I completely agree with.  We live close to a university and walk through the campus for exercise or to get to the grocery store.   They are building left and right.  It's partly justified by the increasing student body, but a lot of it is completely wasteful.  They levelled a building just because it was from the 70s and built a fancy new one in its place.  And there is plenty of open space on the campus for new buildings without knocking down old ones. 


Sadly, this happens most often because some faculty or board member or wants to create a "legacy" for themselves. It also happens with politicians where their last year or two in office they'll build an arena or have a certain part of town redone with cobblestones and planters and all that.  They get all the credit and a shiny brass plaque mounted with their name on it but the actual cash for the project came from students, taxpayers, etc.  It's all about the ego.

Maybe we need a big campaign to shame these people because it's really just inexcusable in an era when tuition, student loan debt, and government debt are out of control.  Their "legacy" needs to be "waste-monger." 

Yup, just started a new job recently and already feeling this. There are more people my age (mid-20s) in this office. We all make the exact same, but I'm the only one who has Husband's income as well my own as the rest of them are single. Yet somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't want to go out to lunch every day. One of them has stayed here to eat lunch two times, other than that they all go out. I went out the first day of the job in the spirit of office camaraderie and was distressed at spending $5 just at the Kroger salad bar station. I've already been asked why I don't join them more.

What would they say if you just told them straight up that you were trying to be more frugal, and then proposed a potluck in the break room?
« Last Edit: June 15, 2016, 03:09:47 PM by dougules »

marty998

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #16 on: June 15, 2016, 03:32:16 PM »
Yup, just started a new job recently and already feeling this. There are more people my age (mid-20s) in this office. We all make the exact same, but I'm the only one who has Husband's income as well my own as the rest of them are single. Yet somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't want to go out to lunch every day. One of them has stayed here to eat lunch two times, other than that they all go out. I went out the first day of the job in the spirit of office camaraderie and was distressed at spending $5 just at the Kroger salad bar station. I've already been asked why I don't join them more.

They're single... your not. Maybe this is just their way of being social...?

$5 a day is a small price to pay if work otherwise prevents you from having a social life during the week.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #17 on: June 15, 2016, 03:43:03 PM »
I feel isolated from my immediate family - they are all fiscally responsible and sane people, but they make TONS more money than me and spend much more lavishly. My female family members are the "shopping is a hobby" type. And they all watch lots of TV and movies which I have zero interest in. We just have very little in common any more. Usually I try to play along (I'll tag along shopping just to keep them company, or try to pay attention to a movie if everyone else wants to do that). But it hurts a little that they seem to have zero interest in my life in a lot of ways. The only thing they ever ask about is work because they can relate to a job, but it's the last thing I am interested in talking about in my down time!

Co-workers are much easier - my boss is kind of rich and clueless but she used to be a single mom and a waitress in her youth so she does understand the concept of not having money to burn. She wastes untold amounts of money but also cooks and brings leftovers for lunch and doesn't like expensive clothes, so you'd never really know it from working with her. My non-boss co-workers are not necessarily frugal, but none of them are wealthy (we all make similar wages) so there's no peer pressure to be really spendy. (And we're in NYC so there's no big house or fancy car to compare - everyone lives in an apartment and you'll never know if it's a shithole or a palace unless you actually visit them.)

Friends are no problem. I hang out with a pretty counter-culture group with a wide variety of work/financial situations (doctor, bartender, jazz musician, software engineer, social worker, artist, etc.). Money rarely comes up, except sometimes we will share money saving tips/coupons/freebies/etc. if we find something particularly good. I can't remember being asked by a friend in the past couple of years to do something that I would consider expensive (unless you count, e.g., Europeans inviting me to come visit).

clarkevii

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #18 on: June 15, 2016, 09:03:00 PM »
Your story is interesting and these people sound like low-lifes but to answer your main question? No not at all do I ever feel isolated. When you gain enough FU money influence them.

You are giving up consumerism and you are walking the road less traveled.

You will be a more independent person and you life will be more rewarding.

Who cares what they think?
« Last Edit: June 15, 2016, 09:05:51 PM by clarkevii »

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #19 on: June 15, 2016, 10:30:40 PM »
For the love of all that's sacred and holy, STOP before you hurt yourself.

A lone fuck, separated from the herd, has wriggled its way out of your codpiece and is making a break for freedom. People whose opinions don't matter are clustering nearby, mooing eagerly in the hope that you will offer it up. With bated breath and slavering tongues they await the presentation of the glorious genital benediction that's close enough for them to smell.

You're one pelvic thrust away from doom. DOOM!

All it's going to take is one twitch of your groin, or possibly even a routine public adjustment of your underwear, and your self-worth will forever be determined by the random mental and verbal spasms of cretins. But why?! They don't yet understand cause and effect. They're mercifully beyond the larval, squalling state but they're just as immature as pupae are. Yet unlike the pupa, some of these co-workers will never actually mature into an adult worker bee, much less a queen. Why, therefore, should you let the opinions of these lesser beings be a blip on your radar screen, except to the extent it benefits you financially?

They're going to judge you to their wills' satisfaction, of course, and not all of them will keep the verdicts to themselves, but that's normal human nature. The thing that's making you feel isolated is not them. It's you.

Let it therefore be written: uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, but most easy lies the head that wears the 'stache. But either way, like the king, the queen, or the proverbial cheese, you're going to stand alone for a while. That doesn't mean you need to be lonely.

You may, if you wish, provide subtle leadership. Allow pearls of wisdom to occasionally drop before your co-workers, in the hope that they learn the merits of index funds and cleave closely to the Vanguard investments, rejecting the demon of day-trading stupidity, and embracing the wisdom of maxing out every 401(k) and Roth option in sight. But do not invest too much of your hope in their response lest your wayward swive make another appearance and get you into trouble.

At the moment, you have to understand that your co-workers thirst less for your investment wisdom than they do for the fornication donation they sense you're about to make. The latter will give them an immediate sense of power and social superiority over you (which is stupid, from your perspective). Although the former will give them a sense of power and social superiority over most of the hardships that come their way later, it's a long-term benefit. So a lot of them are going to go for the quick gain and the low-hanging fruit. And the low-hanging fucks, if you're careless enough to leave them unattended when draping them over a branch to dry out on laundry day.

Deprived of your fucks, at least some of your co-workers will eventually start to notice the absence and wonder about it. Eventually some of them will ask why you're so happy and mellow all the time, and then you can fill them in about frugality, money management, and FIRE. Then, surprise!-- you will no longer be isolated, because there will be others of your kind.

In the meantime, catch that wayward boff, and put it back in its place. And don't forget to stay thirsty, my friend.

Lunasol

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #20 on: June 16, 2016, 09:21:32 AM »
Yes I have, unfortunately whenever I've shared my insight and clever money-saving ideas, my closest friends have felt judged or criticized.

One of them lives with her family who have been living in a rent house for almost 30 years. They are a family of 4 and have 5 cars.
Despite not being homeowners, they go on vacation every year.
We'll go out and said friend will have a beer, then a cocktail, then a soda (because she'll have to drive), plus food! I'm perfectly happy with the same glass of soda for the whole night, thank you! 

Another friend of mine is always bragging about how many blouses and dresses and tops she just bought. She likes to workout and has 6 pairs of nikes, her mom just got her 20 workout tops, she needs to tell us everytime she buys $40 skirts. I just found out said friend was selling some new clothes she owned on a facebook group for really cheap prices because she needed money, no way!

I'm just glad I got to see the light before making even more financial mistakes, they can keep doing whatever they want.

Slee_stack

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #21 on: June 16, 2016, 09:24:52 AM »

You may, if you wish, provide subtle leadership. Allow pearls of wisdom to occasionally drop before your co-workers, in the hope that they learn the merits of index funds and cleave closely to the Vanguard investments, rejecting the demon of day-trading stupidity, and embracing the wisdom of maxing out every 401(k) and Roth option in sight. But do not invest too much of your hope in their response lest your wayward swive make another appearance and get you into trouble.
Oh gah, this reminds me.  One guy in another engineering group quit a couple weeks back.  My boss and someone else were talking about something unrelated when my boss excitedly blurted out that the reason why so-and-so quit was to do day trading!  He was genuinely excited.

I couldn't help it.  I just blurted out 'What an idiot!  He may as well take his entire 401k and bet it on black!'  Oops.  I didn't mean to be so vocal, but it was the most ridiculous thing I had heard that week and I hear idiocy all the time.

MgoSam

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #22 on: June 16, 2016, 09:26:52 AM »
I'm fortunate that most of my friends are content to have make food together and just hang out, sometimes with a bottle of wine. That said, I do feel isolated as I know there are way more friends of mine that prefer to go out drinking or other activities that I'm unwilling to pay for.

There are a ton of restaurants that I want to try, but I just can't justify spending the money on.

So it's a wash for me.

ringer707

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #23 on: June 16, 2016, 09:41:19 AM »

And the whole university thing I completely agree with.  We live close to a university and walk through the campus for exercise or to get to the grocery store.   They are building left and right.  It's partly justified by the increasing student body, but a lot of it is completely wasteful.  They levelled a building just because it was from the 70s and built a fancy new one in its place.  And there is plenty of open space on the campus for new buildings without knocking down old ones. 


Sadly, this happens most often because some faculty or board member or wants to create a "legacy" for themselves. It also happens with politicians where their last year or two in office they'll build an arena or have a certain part of town redone with cobblestones and planters and all that.  They get all the credit and a shiny brass plaque mounted with their name on it but the actual cash for the project came from students, taxpayers, etc.  It's all about the ego.

Maybe we need a big campaign to shame these people because it's really just inexcusable in an era when tuition, student loan debt, and government debt are out of control.  Their "legacy" needs to be "waste-monger." 

Yup, just started a new job recently and already feeling this. There are more people my age (mid-20s) in this office. We all make the exact same, but I'm the only one who has Husband's income as well my own as the rest of them are single. Yet somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't want to go out to lunch every day. One of them has stayed here to eat lunch two times, other than that they all go out. I went out the first day of the job in the spirit of office camaraderie and was distressed at spending $5 just at the Kroger salad bar station. I've already been asked why I don't join them more.

What would they say if you just told them straight up that you were trying to be more frugal, and then proposed a potluck in the break room?

Probably no. I know all of them from previous jobs, and one of them told me point-blank before that when he got a job in this office, he would go out to lunch everyday.

Dollar Slice

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #24 on: June 16, 2016, 10:11:18 AM »
Despite not being homeowners, they go on vacation every year.

This may be crossing a line in terms of judgmental-ness... :-)  I'm 39, I've never thought it made sense for me to own a home due to a lot of factors. And yet, I have been known to go on vacations. THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!

MgoSam

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #25 on: June 16, 2016, 10:11:54 AM »
Despite not being homeowners, they go on vacation every year.

This may be crossing a line in terms of judgmental-ness... :-)  I'm 39, I've never thought it made sense for me to own a home due to a lot of factors. And yet, I have been known to go on vacations. THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!

How dare you!

/s

mm1970

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #26 on: June 16, 2016, 10:35:42 AM »
Yup, just started a new job recently and already feeling this. There are more people my age (mid-20s) in this office. We all make the exact same, but I'm the only one who has Husband's income as well my own as the rest of them are single. Yet somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't want to go out to lunch every day. One of them has stayed here to eat lunch two times, other than that they all go out. I went out the first day of the job in the spirit of office camaraderie and was distressed at spending $5 just at the Kroger salad bar station. I've already been asked why I don't join them more.
gosh, when I was your age I ate out SO MUCH.  At first, I didn't.  Packed lunch.  Got a raise.  Then another one.  For a few years there were days when I ate out breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When we bought our house and cleaned out the garage in the rental, I found a single credit card bill from those days, in a box.  OMG.  I was spending $1000 a month on cc, and about $750 of that was eating out.

mm1970

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #27 on: June 16, 2016, 10:40:07 AM »
For the love of all that's sacred and holy, STOP before you hurt yourself.

A lone fuck, separated from the herd, has wriggled its way out of your codpiece and is making a break for freedom. People whose opinions don't matter are clustering nearby, mooing eagerly in the hope that you will offer it up. With bated breath and slavering tongues they await the presentation of the glorious genital benediction that's close enough for them to smell.

You're one pelvic thrust away from doom. DOOM!

All it's going to take is one twitch of your groin, or possibly even a routine public adjustment of your underwear, and your self-worth will forever be determined by the random mental and verbal spasms of cretins. But why?! They don't yet understand cause and effect. They're mercifully beyond the larval, squalling state but they're just as immature as pupae are. Yet unlike the pupa, some of these co-workers will never actually mature into an adult worker bee, much less a queen. Why, therefore, should you let the opinions of these lesser beings be a blip on your radar screen, except to the extent it benefits you financially?

They're going to judge you to their wills' satisfaction, of course, and not all of them will keep the verdicts to themselves, but that's normal human nature. The thing that's making you feel isolated is not them. It's you.

Let it therefore be written: uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, but most easy lies the head that wears the 'stache. But either way, like the king, the queen, or the proverbial cheese, you're going to stand alone for a while. That doesn't mean you need to be lonely.

You may, if you wish, provide subtle leadership. Allow pearls of wisdom to occasionally drop before your co-workers, in the hope that they learn the merits of index funds and cleave closely to the Vanguard investments, rejecting the demon of day-trading stupidity, and embracing the wisdom of maxing out every 401(k) and Roth option in sight. But do not invest too much of your hope in their response lest your wayward swive make another appearance and get you into trouble.

At the moment, you have to understand that your co-workers thirst less for your investment wisdom than they do for the fornication donation they sense you're about to make. The latter will give them an immediate sense of power and social superiority over you (which is stupid, from your perspective). Although the former will give them a sense of power and social superiority over most of the hardships that come their way later, it's a long-term benefit. So a lot of them are going to go for the quick gain and the low-hanging fruit. And the low-hanging fucks, if you're careless enough to leave them unattended when draping them over a branch to dry out on laundry day.

Deprived of your fucks, at least some of your co-workers will eventually start to notice the absence and wonder about it. Eventually some of them will ask why you're so happy and mellow all the time, and then you can fill them in about frugality, money management, and FIRE. Then, surprise!-- you will no longer be isolated, because there will be others of your kind.

In the meantime, catch that wayward boff, and put it back in its place. And don't forget to stay thirsty, my friend.
I love you

NoVa

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #28 on: June 16, 2016, 11:07:52 AM »
“None of you seem to understand. I'm not locked up in here with you... You're locked up in here with ME.”

Quote from Rorschach in Watchmen

TravelJunkyQC

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #29 on: June 16, 2016, 11:21:17 AM »
For the love of all that's sacred and holy, STOP before you hurt yourself.

A lone fuck, separated from the herd, has wriggled its way out of your codpiece and is making a break for freedom. People whose opinions don't matter are clustering nearby, mooing eagerly in the hope that you will offer it up. With bated breath and slavering tongues they await the presentation of the glorious genital benediction that's close enough for them to smell.

You're one pelvic thrust away from doom. DOOM!

All it's going to take is one twitch of your groin, or possibly even a routine public adjustment of your underwear, and your self-worth will forever be determined by the random mental and verbal spasms of cretins. But why?! They don't yet understand cause and effect. They're mercifully beyond the larval, squalling state but they're just as immature as pupae are. Yet unlike the pupa, some of these co-workers will never actually mature into an adult worker bee, much less a queen. Why, therefore, should you let the opinions of these lesser beings be a blip on your radar screen, except to the extent it benefits you financially?

They're going to judge you to their wills' satisfaction, of course, and not all of them will keep the verdicts to themselves, but that's normal human nature. The thing that's making you feel isolated is not them. It's you.

Let it therefore be written: uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, but most easy lies the head that wears the 'stache. But either way, like the king, the queen, or the proverbial cheese, you're going to stand alone for a while. That doesn't mean you need to be lonely.

You may, if you wish, provide subtle leadership. Allow pearls of wisdom to occasionally drop before your co-workers, in the hope that they learn the merits of index funds and cleave closely to the Vanguard investments, rejecting the demon of day-trading stupidity, and embracing the wisdom of maxing out every 401(k) and Roth option in sight. But do not invest too much of your hope in their response lest your wayward swive make another appearance and get you into trouble.

At the moment, you have to understand that your co-workers thirst less for your investment wisdom than they do for the fornication donation they sense you're about to make. The latter will give them an immediate sense of power and social superiority over you (which is stupid, from your perspective). Although the former will give them a sense of power and social superiority over most of the hardships that come their way later, it's a long-term benefit. So a lot of them are going to go for the quick gain and the low-hanging fruit. And the low-hanging fucks, if you're careless enough to leave them unattended when draping them over a branch to dry out on laundry day.

Deprived of your fucks, at least some of your co-workers will eventually start to notice the absence and wonder about it. Eventually some of them will ask why you're so happy and mellow all the time, and then you can fill them in about frugality, money management, and FIRE. Then, surprise!-- you will no longer be isolated, because there will be others of your kind.

In the meantime, catch that wayward boff, and put it back in its place. And don't forget to stay thirsty, my friend.

I don't believe in love at first sight. But the figurative panties of my linguistic soul just dropped.

cschx

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #30 on: June 16, 2016, 11:26:15 AM »
I just blew the minds of everyone in my neighborhood by using a wood chipper to make mulch for my garden out of branches that fell off the trees in my backyard. They pay other people to clear their branches and pay for the mulch when they pay other people to do their gardening for them. I always feel like a bit of an oddball around here.

I know how you feel. In the fall I go around the neighborhood collecting leaves which have been conveniently bagged for me by my neighbors and put out with the trash. I might be making the world's finest compost, but icy glances sent in my direction by said neighbors indicate that I am obviously a Potentially Dangerous Weirdo.

If only they knew that I also fertilize my garden with "recycled beer..."

Lunasol

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #31 on: June 16, 2016, 11:36:59 AM »
Despite not being homeowners, they go on vacation every year.

This may be crossing a line in terms of judgmental-ness... :-)  I'm 39, I've never thought it made sense for me to own a home due to a lot of factors. And yet, I have been known to go on vacations. THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops! My second post and I'm already on the headlines LOL

Well, it doesn't really make sense to me to pay a rent for 30 years and use your money on something that will not last permantently like vacation or gas or eating out.

In my defense, these people I'm talking about do not having savings and do not live cheap, I would assume you are FI or working on it so by the time you're 80 you'll still be able to pay a rent or buy a home, but these people won't, they depend on their paychecks entirely and always will.  See the difference?

rockstache

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #32 on: June 16, 2016, 12:08:13 PM »
Despite not being homeowners, they go on vacation every year.

This may be crossing a line in terms of judgmental-ness... :-)  I'm 39, I've never thought it made sense for me to own a home due to a lot of factors. And yet, I have been known to go on vacations. THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oops! My second post and I'm already on the headlines LOL

Well, it doesn't really make sense to me to pay a rent for 30 years and use your money on something that will not last permantently like vacation or gas or eating out.

In my defense, these people I'm talking about do not having savings and do not live cheap, I would assume you are FI or working on it so by the time you're 80 you'll still be able to pay a rent or buy a home, but these people won't, they depend on their paychecks entirely and always will.  See the difference?

I think everyone here knows the difference, we just don't necessarily accept that homeowning = fiscal responsibility, or even something to strive for, unless it's really what you want. See: http://jlcollinsnh.com/2013/05/29/why-your-house-is-a-terrible-investment/

Parizade

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #33 on: June 16, 2016, 12:39:42 PM »
For the love of all that's sacred and holy, STOP before you hurt yourself.

A lone fuck, separated from the herd, has wriggled its way out of your codpiece and is making a break for freedom. People whose opinions don't matter are clustering nearby, mooing eagerly in the hope that you will offer it up. With bated breath and slavering tongues they await the presentation of the glorious genital benediction that's close enough for them to smell.

You're one pelvic thrust away from doom. DOOM!

All it's going to take is one twitch of your groin, or possibly even a routine public adjustment of your underwear, and your self-worth will forever be determined by the random mental and verbal spasms of cretins. But why?! They don't yet understand cause and effect. They're mercifully beyond the larval, squalling state but they're just as immature as pupae are. Yet unlike the pupa, some of these co-workers will never actually mature into an adult worker bee, much less a queen. Why, therefore, should you let the opinions of these lesser beings be a blip on your radar screen, except to the extent it benefits you financially?

They're going to judge you to their wills' satisfaction, of course, and not all of them will keep the verdicts to themselves, but that's normal human nature. The thing that's making you feel isolated is not them. It's you.

Let it therefore be written: uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, but most easy lies the head that wears the 'stache. But either way, like the king, the queen, or the proverbial cheese, you're going to stand alone for a while. That doesn't mean you need to be lonely.

You may, if you wish, provide subtle leadership. Allow pearls of wisdom to occasionally drop before your co-workers, in the hope that they learn the merits of index funds and cleave closely to the Vanguard investments, rejecting the demon of day-trading stupidity, and embracing the wisdom of maxing out every 401(k) and Roth option in sight. But do not invest too much of your hope in their response lest your wayward swive make another appearance and get you into trouble.

At the moment, you have to understand that your co-workers thirst less for your investment wisdom than they do for the fornication donation they sense you're about to make. The latter will give them an immediate sense of power and social superiority over you (which is stupid, from your perspective). Although the former will give them a sense of power and social superiority over most of the hardships that come their way later, it's a long-term benefit. So a lot of them are going to go for the quick gain and the low-hanging fruit. And the low-hanging fucks, if you're careless enough to leave them unattended when draping them over a branch to dry out on laundry day.

Deprived of your fucks, at least some of your co-workers will eventually start to notice the absence and wonder about it. Eventually some of them will ask why you're so happy and mellow all the time, and then you can fill them in about frugality, money management, and FIRE. Then, surprise!-- you will no longer be isolated, because there will be others of your kind.

In the meantime, catch that wayward boff, and put it back in its place. And don't forget to stay thirsty, my friend.

I don't believe in love at first sight. But the figurative panties of my linguistic soul just dropped.

mmm, mine too

ringer707

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #34 on: June 20, 2016, 11:32:28 AM »
Yup, just started a new job recently and already feeling this. There are more people my age (mid-20s) in this office. We all make the exact same, but I'm the only one who has Husband's income as well my own as the rest of them are single. Yet somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't want to go out to lunch every day. One of them has stayed here to eat lunch two times, other than that they all go out. I went out the first day of the job in the spirit of office camaraderie and was distressed at spending $5 just at the Kroger salad bar station. I've already been asked why I don't join them more.
gosh, when I was your age I ate out SO MUCH.  At first, I didn't.  Packed lunch.  Got a raise.  Then another one.  For a few years there were days when I ate out breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When we bought our house and cleaned out the garage in the rental, I found a single credit card bill from those days, in a box.  OMG.  I was spending $1000 a month on cc, and about $750 of that was eating out.

If I'm going to eat out, it's usually for dinner. DH does most of the cooking and sometimes on the weekends he doesn't feel like it and we'll get a pizza or some chinese. It helps that there are barely any restaurants near my work either. Which makes it all the more confusing, because my coworkers are having to eat at the exact same places week in and week out.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #35 on: June 20, 2016, 11:35:14 AM »
Yup, just started a new job recently and already feeling this. There are more people my age (mid-20s) in this office. We all make the exact same, but I'm the only one who has Husband's income as well my own as the rest of them are single. Yet somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't want to go out to lunch every day. One of them has stayed here to eat lunch two times, other than that they all go out. I went out the first day of the job in the spirit of office camaraderie and was distressed at spending $5 just at the Kroger salad bar station. I've already been asked why I don't join them more.
gosh, when I was your age I ate out SO MUCH.  At first, I didn't.  Packed lunch.  Got a raise.  Then another one.  For a few years there were days when I ate out breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When we bought our house and cleaned out the garage in the rental, I found a single credit card bill from those days, in a box.  OMG.  I was spending $1000 a month on cc, and about $750 of that was eating out.

If I'm going to eat out, it's usually for dinner. DH does most of the cooking and sometimes on the weekends he doesn't feel like it and we'll get a pizza or some chinese. It helps that there are barely any restaurants near my work either. Which makes it all the more confusing, because my coworkers are having to eat at the exact same places week in and week out.

One of the complaints some people have about bringing lunch from home is that it's "too boring" because you know what you're going to get every day. An alternative might be to swap preparation duties with another person and then trade lunches.

Tyson

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #36 on: June 20, 2016, 11:57:09 AM »
I think a lot of people view money as something to be used to make life more enjoyable.  And they are right, from a near-sighted perspective, it can do that and it should do that.  Unless you have something better or more powerful for money to do.  Which is FI(RE) for us.  Being frugal without it being tied to a goal makes no sense to people.  So if you tell people how to save money on their phone bill, their immediate thought is "Great, I can afford more treats for myself because I have saved more money".  It's only in the context of FI that savings in one area (cell phone or cable or internet) don't get immediately spent on another area (cars, clothes, drinks, eating out, etc...). 

So most people will look at you sideways if you talk about being frugal or saving money, because they don't understand the broader goal of FI that frugality feeds into.

MgoSam

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #37 on: June 20, 2016, 12:03:18 PM »
Yup, just started a new job recently and already feeling this. There are more people my age (mid-20s) in this office. We all make the exact same, but I'm the only one who has Husband's income as well my own as the rest of them are single. Yet somehow, I'm the only one who doesn't want to go out to lunch every day. One of them has stayed here to eat lunch two times, other than that they all go out. I went out the first day of the job in the spirit of office camaraderie and was distressed at spending $5 just at the Kroger salad bar station. I've already been asked why I don't join them more.
gosh, when I was your age I ate out SO MUCH.  At first, I didn't.  Packed lunch.  Got a raise.  Then another one.  For a few years there were days when I ate out breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When we bought our house and cleaned out the garage in the rental, I found a single credit card bill from those days, in a box.  OMG.  I was spending $1000 a month on cc, and about $750 of that was eating out.

If I'm going to eat out, it's usually for dinner. DH does most of the cooking and sometimes on the weekends he doesn't feel like it and we'll get a pizza or some chinese. It helps that there are barely any restaurants near my work either. Which makes it all the more confusing, because my coworkers are having to eat at the exact same places week in and week out.

One of the complaints some people have about bringing lunch from home is that it's "too boring" because you know what you're going to get every day. An alternative might be to swap preparation duties with another person and then trade lunches.

Yeah that was a huge thing on my mind until I learned to just suck it up. But this is just me, I don't think telling that to other people will help. Last year I lived with a friend who would make an egg bake every week for his breakfasts, make a big dish for his lunches and dinners. He grew up with 8 siblings that his parents barely were able to support and so he grew up squeezing pennies. He inspired me to appreciate cooking a few things each week and to just get used to eating them for lunch/dinner. It certainly has helped me lose weight and save money.

LiveLean

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #38 on: June 20, 2016, 12:35:52 PM »

One of the complaints some people have about bringing lunch from home is that it's "too boring" because you know what you're going to get every day. An alternative might be to swap preparation duties with another person and then trade lunches.
[/quote]

One of the most powerful things for me was adapting the "food-is-fuel" mantra. When you view food as a means to fuel your body for optimal performance, you don't mind putting the same healthy thing into it most every day. This saves time and money and teaches you to crave healthy, nourishing food.

When you're eating because it's a sensory experience, you spend far more time and money and end up fat.

Kaspian

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #39 on: June 20, 2016, 12:57:20 PM »
Quote


One of the complaints some people have about bringing lunch from home is that it's "too boring" because you know what you're going to get every day. An alternative might be to swap preparation duties with another person and then trade lunches.

One of the most powerful things for me was adapting the "food-is-fuel" mantra. When you view food as a means to fuel your body for optimal performance, you don't mind putting the same healthy thing into it most every day. This saves time and money and teaches you to crave healthy, nourishing food.

When you're eating because it's a sensory experience, you spend far more time and money and end up fat.

I must be extremely lucky to not get bored of food?  Ever?  I have an apple every night for dessert and always look forward to it.  Don't get me wrong, I like trying new things and variety as much as anyone but I think I could open a brown bag, see the same type of sandwich every single day forever and still think (and often exclaim out loud), "ALRIGHT--A BALONEY SANDWICH!!  YUMMO!!"   Funny that people are so concerned about having their coffee every day prepared exactly how they like it but get fussy over having the same food.

...Or maybe it's just plain insanity.  This often happens:

Me:  "Spaghetti!  Can't wait!!  Delicious!!"
Friend:  "You had that yesterday--it's actually just leftovers of the exact same dish being heated up, dummy."
Me:  [Blank, confused stare.]  "Spaghetti!  Can't wait!!  Delicious!!"

It'd  probably have to be daily white bread and water for me to get bored.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2016, 01:16:29 PM by Kaspian »

Dollar Slice

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #40 on: June 20, 2016, 01:13:32 PM »
Funny that people are so concerned about having their coffee every day prepared exactly how they like it but get fussy over having the same food.

That is funny, I never thought of that. :-)

On the flip side, I have a lot of friends in the avant garde music/art community who are all "THERE ARE NO RULES" when it comes to art, the weirder and more novel the better, but if you ask them about food it's like... no. There is only ONE RIGHT WAY to make certain dishes. You MAY NOT have pickles on your cheeseburger because THERE ARE RULES!

I can mostly eat the same stuff again and again but there are some dishes I get sick of very quickly even though I like them. I'm not sure what the difference is. I could eat my homemade beef stew forever, and will eat pot after pot of chicken soup in the winter, but I get tired of the same size pot of minestrone before I finish the leftovers, and pea soup I get sick of sometime during my second bowl. Maybe I just get tired of legumes.

Kaspian

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #41 on: June 20, 2016, 01:24:07 PM »
On the flip side, I have a lot of friends in the avant garde music/art community who are all "THERE ARE NO RULES" when it comes to art, the weirder and more novel the better, but if you ask them about food it's like... no. There is only ONE RIGHT WAY to make certain dishes. You MAY NOT have pickles on your cheeseburger because THERE ARE RULES!

Hahaha... That is hilarious and so right!  My arty friends are exactly the same!  They're more conservative about exactly how a food should be prepared than the conservatives.

I can mostly eat the same stuff again and again but there are some dishes I get sick of very quickly even though I like them.

Just realized I lied in my previous post.  Travelled through the northern Italy area a few years ago and got VERY damn sick of polenta quickly.  It was nice the first couple of nights it came with a meal but by day 8 I was like, "Fuck polenta--do they have to serve it with everything?!!  I never want to see this shit again."

FernFree

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #42 on: June 20, 2016, 03:17:11 PM »
I just blew the minds of everyone in my neighborhood by using a wood chipper to make mulch for my garden out of branches that fell off the trees in my backyard. They pay other people to clear their branches and pay for the mulch when they pay other people to do their gardening for them. I always feel like a bit of an oddball around here.

I know how you feel. In the fall I go around the neighborhood collecting leaves which have been conveniently bagged for me by my neighbors and put out with the trash. I might be making the world's finest compost, but icy glances sent in my direction by said neighbors indicate that I am obviously a Potentially Dangerous Weirdo.


I love both of these!  You should have seen the looks we got when we went around on Xmas tree recycling day and took peoples' trees before the garbage truck got there!!  We got about 10 trees after several trips back and forth to our house with trees tied to our car roof and we were laughing so hard thinking about what our neighbors must think of us.  My daughter loves to burn pine trees in the firepit and I love being the kooky, clever neighbor. :)

pdxbator

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #43 on: June 20, 2016, 04:00:08 PM »
I definitely feel this with friends sometimes. I'm totally happy to just have a beer in the backyard and shoot the shit. It's amazing how many people feel the need that to get together with friends it has to be out, getting fancy cocktails, or over dinner. How about a walk and then a beer?

Making Cookies

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #44 on: June 20, 2016, 04:42:51 PM »
I definitely feel this with friends sometimes. I'm totally happy to just have a beer in the backyard and shoot the shit. It's amazing how many people feel the need that to get together with friends it has to be out, getting fancy cocktails, or over dinner. How about a walk and then a beer?

I want all of you for neighbors... I agree - let's have backyard fire pits, compost, build things, fix things, covered dish meals, etc. Its all fun.

I'm out of here. Going home to fix something. ;)

Basenji

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #45 on: June 20, 2016, 05:53:30 PM »
I just blew the minds of everyone in my neighborhood by using a wood chipper to make mulch for my garden out of branches that fell off the trees in my backyard. They pay other people to clear their branches and pay for the mulch when they pay other people to do their gardening for them. I always feel like a bit of an oddball around here.
Do you own or rent the chipper? Serious question, we're producing a good amount of branches, twigs, a dead pine tree, etc.

MoneyCat

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #46 on: June 20, 2016, 06:10:47 PM »
I just blew the minds of everyone in my neighborhood by using a wood chipper to make mulch for my garden out of branches that fell off the trees in my backyard. They pay other people to clear their branches and pay for the mulch when they pay other people to do their gardening for them. I always feel like a bit of an oddball around here.
Do you own or rent the chipper? Serious question, we're producing a good amount of branches, twigs, a dead pine tree, etc.

We bought a small wood chipper off Amazon for $129. It's electric and we have solar panels, so it's really cheap to run. It's called a "Sun Joe".


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

MgoSam

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #47 on: June 20, 2016, 06:50:52 PM »
I know that I likely will feel different, if not isolated, from many of my friends when I retire in less than a decade at the ripe old age of 37. Of course, I have a lot of things that I want to do but can't currently, so my plan is to be so busy that I won't notice.

misshathaway

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #48 on: June 21, 2016, 07:20:47 AM »
Wait till you hit your fifties. All anybody I know wants to do is go out to eat and/or go to the movies. And they are all fat. I wonder why.

This is mean. Maybe that's why I'm isolated :)

Khaetra

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Re: Do you sometimes feel isolated as a frugal or MMM person?
« Reply #49 on: June 21, 2016, 08:29:09 AM »
Wait till you hit your fifties. All anybody I know wants to do is go out to eat and/or go to the movies. And they are all fat. I wonder why.

This is mean. Maybe that's why I'm isolated :)

I guess I must know a different 50's crowd as we're all active, not fat and except for a really big premiere none of us enjoy going to the movies all the time.  I only have a couple close friends and they are frugal like I am, but if I had to go out and make friends forget it.  I'd rather be lonely.