Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?

[fuzzy math]

My MIL now lives near us. She is the queen of giving away stuff, giving weird stuff and then having a huge opinion on what we're allowed to do with it once its in our homes. She says she wants her home clean and not to give her anything... she even returned a Christmas gift to us in a plop at our house, with a very ironic explanation that we should not buy her things that go in her house at all, only consumable items. I was super offended, but i managed to get it returned to the store without a receipt so I'm happy in retrospect.

She stopped giving my kids cash because she was offended that they'd saved it all up and put it in their bank accounts. Cash is for frivolous spending only apparently.

Recent things she's unloaded in our home: swim weights, a sun hat (that's hers for when she comes over but she expects me to wear when she's not around), a tiny dustpan set, a bucket, another bucket from a sandwich shop that used to store pickles, a shelf can stacking thing. DH cannot even remotely mention an item or she will buy it for him.

She did bring over 2 pepper jelly jars and I've been eating them by myself for weeks. I bet she will ask where they are when she comes over.

[SunnyDays]

My MIL now lives near us. She is the queen of giving away stuff, giving weird stuff and then having a huge opinion on what we're allowed to do with it once its in our homes. She says she wants her home clean and not to give her anything... she even returned a Christmas gift to us in a plop at our house, with a very ironic explanation that we should not buy her things that go in her house at all, only consumable items. I was super offended, but i managed to get it returned to the store without a receipt so I'm happy in retrospect.

She stopped giving my kids cash because she was offended that they'd saved it all up and put it in their bank accounts. Cash is for frivolous spending only apparently.

Recent things she's unloaded in our home: swim weights, a sun hat (that's hers for when she comes over but she expects me to wear when she's not around), a tiny dustpan set, a bucket, another bucket from a sandwich shop that used to store pickles, a shelf can stacking thing. DH cannot even remotely mention an item or she will buy it for him.

She did bring over 2 pepper jelly jars and I've been eating them by myself for weeks. I bet she will ask where they are when she comes over.

Well, at least you'll have less stuff to get rid of in her house, once she moves on.  As long as you're not hanging onto all that stuff, look at it as helping her declutter.  But if you want her to stop, just mention that the thrift store was sure happy to get some nice things!

[MayDay]

This weekend's haul:

2 bags of licorice
Half the ingredients to make lasagna
Lotion
Face mask (the skin care kind, not the Covid kind)

So, is this stuff your parent dumped on you?  or is it stuff you removed from their house because you can actually use it?

This is what they showed up with at our house.

[fuzzy math]

My MIL now lives near us. She is the queen of giving away stuff, giving weird stuff and then having a huge opinion on what we're allowed to do with it once its in our homes. She says she wants her home clean and not to give her anything... she even returned a Christmas gift to us in a plop at our house, with a very ironic explanation that we should not buy her things that go in her house at all, only consumable items. I was super offended, but i managed to get it returned to the store without a receipt so I'm happy in retrospect.

She stopped giving my kids cash because she was offended that they'd saved it all up and put it in their bank accounts. Cash is for frivolous spending only apparently.

Recent things she's unloaded in our home: swim weights, a sun hat (that's hers for when she comes over but she expects me to wear when she's not around), a tiny dustpan set, a bucket, another bucket from a sandwich shop that used to store pickles, a shelf can stacking thing. DH cannot even remotely mention an item or she will buy it for him.

She did bring over 2 pepper jelly jars and I've been eating them by myself for weeks. I bet she will ask where they are when she comes over.

Well, at least you'll have less stuff to get rid of in her house, once she moves on.  As long as you're not hanging onto all that stuff, look at it as helping her declutter.  But if you want her to stop, just mention that the thrift store was sure happy to get some nice things!

No she demands to see the stuff / potentially use it again etc. She gets horribly offended and its not the sort of thing I can speak about. See the kids money thing above. 

[StarBright]

This weekend's haul:

2 bags of licorice
Half the ingredients to make lasagna
Lotion
Face mask (the skin care kind, not the Covid kind)

So, is this stuff your parent dumped on you?  or is it stuff you removed from their house because you can actually use it?

This is what they showed up with at our house.

LOL - my MIL does this whenever she visits. Stuff just appears in random places. We call them "Susan Sprinkles".

[Zamboni]

^Sounds like your hubbies needs to casually mention the thrift shop donation. You are wise to stay mum yourself.

I have a parent and an aunt like this, who think they can demand to see any item they have randomly foisted on us, and I am glad they now live far, far away from me.

My Mom actually randomly asked about an illustrated book on Baba Yaga the other day . . . she wanted to make sure I still had it because it is "out of print." She doesn't seem to realize that there are like a gazillion similar books about Baba Yaga, some of which have basically the same illustrations. Whatever, I still have it because we have lots of built in bookshelves. It is just such a random thing to be worried about: "Make sure you never give away that beat up, jacketless, water stained book I gave you 20 years ago because it is out of print." It's not like it was my favorite childhood story or anything, and it's not like it was some sort of special thoughtful gift. She just hoards books and we serve as an outlet for her to justify her book shopping addiction. Most of the books ever printed are out of print, and most of them are not at all valuable despite that, so I just don't get it.

[RainyDay]

I guess I should be grateful my MIL hoards stuff and KEEPS it.  She is a true hoarder (though not as bad as what's shown on TV).  She won't give away *anything*.  She even keeps paper grocery bags "in case she needs them."  For what, I have no idea.  She has literally hundreds of them.  So--early on, before I realized that she's emotionally attached to things--I asked if I could have some because I use them to put under mulch to keep the weeds down.  She said no "because she needs them."

When our vacuum broke a few months ago, DH said he'd grab one of her old vacuums (she has 6 broken ones in the basement) and try to fix it.  She said no.

[iris lily]

In my family we only eat good chocolate:)).

I love good chocolate.  I won't even look at the cheap Valentine's Day and Easter chocolate.  It tastes horrible.

well, it tastes like wax. You not like wax? Whatsa matta wid you?

Haha

[Sibley]

I guess I should be grateful my MIL hoards stuff and KEEPS it.  She is a true hoarder (though not as bad as what's shown on TV).  She won't give away *anything*.  She even keeps paper grocery bags "in case she needs them."  For what, I have no idea.  She has literally hundreds of them.  So--early on, before I realized that she's emotionally attached to things--I asked if I could have some because I use them to put under mulch to keep the weeds down.  She said no "because she needs them."

When our vacuum broke a few months ago, DH said he'd grab one of her old vacuums (she has 6 broken ones in the basement) and try to fix it.  She said no.

I feel bad for whoever has to ultimately clear the house.

[sixwings]

We have some close friends and the husband is a hoarder. It's a big problem and is putting some real tension on their relationship. He refuses to clean or throw anything out, or even acknowledge that he has a problem or discuss it with his wife. I was at their house this weekend to help them "organize", and just walking in gave me intense anxiety. Every single surface has stuff on it and there's only some paths cleared between all the stuff. The organizing and mostly just moving stuff from one surface to another surface. She's 6 months pregneant and she was the only one who did any cleaning/organizing but now she's not really able to do it and it's really piled up quickly. I helped them put some stuff on shelves and most of it was just empty containers, like a really nice empty case that was for microphones... why do they have a case specifically for microphones? No idea, they have no microphones and neither sing. There was no where to sit so i cleared some stuff on the coach (by clearing i just mean shoving a bunch of garbage over which the husband got annoyed with me for) and I came across a (presumeably used) diaper... their current child is 3 and out of diapers... apparently they had some friends over with a baby a few weeks earlier...

My wife talked to her friend and she is coming over to talk to us about what we can do to help. She's totally overwhelmed and it's a major source of stress and anxiety for her. Really really hard stuff.

He also constantly tries to give me some of his stuff, which we've started taking to then throw out just to try to help.

[iris lily]

We have some close friends and the husband is a hoarder. It's a big problem and is putting some real tension on their relationship. He refuses to clean or throw anything out, or even acknowledge that he has a problem or discuss it with his wife. I was at their house this weekend to help them "organize", and just walking in gave me intense anxiety. Every single surface has stuff on it and there's only some paths cleared between all the stuff. The organizing and mostly just moving stuff from one surface to another surface. She's 6 months pregneant and she was the only one who did any cleaning/organizing but now she's not really able to do it and it's really piled up quickly. I helped them put some stuff on shelves and most of it was just empty containers, like a really nice empty case that was for microphones... why do they have a case specifically for microphones? No idea, they have no microphones and neither sing. There was no where to sit so i cleared some stuff on the coach (by clearing i just mean shoving a bunch of garbage over which the husband got annoyed with me for) and I came across a (presumeably used) diaper... their current child is 3 and out of diapers... apparently they had some friends over with a baby a few weeks earlier...

My wife talked to her friend and she is coming over to talk to us about what we can do to help. She's totally overwhelmed and it's a major source of stress and anxiety for her. Really really hard stuff.

He also constantly tries to give me some of his stuff, which we've started taking to then throw out just to try to help.

You sound like a good friend, but I would not get involved in the husband’s  pathology of hoarding. . You are doing a good deed by taking stuff he gives you and pitching it. That’s the best you can do. You cannot help the pregnant wife. You have no power to change the husband’s behavior.

Pregnant wife knew who he was when she married him, she knew who he was when she had baby number one, she knows who he is having baby number two.

There’s no way I would raise children in that kind of environment that will inevitably lead to filth (Dirty diaper is the harbinger of that. )

I think a good lesson in the human drama is this: don’t take on responsibility when you have no authority to act.

[Siebrie]

My parents didn't exactly hoard, but they were both born around WW2 and have the accompanying mentality; they like to be prepared, and they like their hobbies. This changed about 10 years ago, when my mother had a health scare, and my sister declared herself extranged from them and refused further contact (they reconnected tentatively about 5 years later).
My parents have had a few more health scares since then, and have declining health. The 'Home Assessment Assistant' from the health insurance company (specifically dedicated to falls prevention and longer independent living) advised them on removing a large number of items in their home, which they have done. Every item they discussed, I would get facetimed and asked if I wanted it. The answer was usually 'no'. Now, every time we visit them for a weekend, there is a dedicated shelf in the wardrobe with items they are getting rid of, and I can help myself to any of them. Items I don't take, I put in a box or bag next to the front door, which is the dedicated 'out' position. They will then take it to a charity shop or auction house; until it actually leaves, all visitors will be asked to peak in the box or bag and take anything they fancy. They started by getting rid of most of their books, my mother's pieces of fabric, and my father's miniature trains.
My parents also used to volunteer to help any older church members that had to move into elder care. Any items not moved, they would help relocate. Sometimes by throwing out, sometimes by adding to the church garage sale, or selling on specialised websites (all profits to go to either to elderly person or the church). They enjoy relocating stuff, they enjoy adding to their home decor for a while and then moving stuff on, helping people.
They have not read, but definitely have the 'Swedish Death Cleaning' mindset.