Author Topic: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?  (Read 97140 times)

o2bfree

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 267
  • Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #450 on: January 15, 2019, 03:25:56 PM »
If money is tight for your mom maybe brainstorm with her what fun things she could do with the extra money once the units are gone. Also tell her you spoke with the others and no one wants the stuff. Maybe volunteer to help her get rid of it. I am in my 60ís and have gotten rid of a ton of stuff. I donít want to burden my kids. Itís much easier and faster to clean also. Plus the more valuable items I gave to groups looking for high quality silent auction items. That felt good.

Money isn't tight for her at all. DH and I have told her many times we'd be happy to help go through the stuff, find what she really wants to keep, and sell other things on Craigslist or haul them to Goodwill. She's nearly 90, and couldn't do that herself, but we'd love to help!

I'm hesitant to tell her that family members really don't want her stuff, partly because she doesn't listen! For example, dad bought a half-dozen "collector" dolls on QVC some years ago. You know, the ones in the glass display cases with the frilly dresses and the eyes that close when you lay them down. Mom keeps thinking that granddaughter wants them. Granddaughter, now 32, has always said no way, they're creepy! I mentioned this to mom, and she said, "Well, I'll just save them for great granddaughter so that she'll have a doll." As though the little girl will be destitute with no toys. Mom just can't believe that other people don't see value in her stuff.

She'll occasionally give something to someone, but it has to be the right person, i.e., someone she feels deserves to be honored by receiving something she's owned.

Kudos to you for sparing your kids this dilemma! We're the same way, always getting rid of things we've stopped using. Feels good to know that someone else will get more use out of it, plus it supports the thrift store business, helping to provide jobs and such.

Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3217
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #451 on: January 16, 2019, 07:30:40 AM »
If money is tight for your mom maybe brainstorm with her what fun things she could do with the extra money once the units are gone. Also tell her you spoke with the others and no one wants the stuff. Maybe volunteer to help her get rid of it. I am in my 60ís and have gotten rid of a ton of stuff. I donít want to burden my kids. Itís much easier and faster to clean also. Plus the more valuable items I gave to groups looking for high quality silent auction items. That felt good.

I'll bet the grandkids would appreciate $25 here and there to spend on whatever they do for fun...

Its got to be tough. A person is raised during an era where china sets and living rooms are important milestones in an adult life and then on the back end of that person's life the next generation values a whole different set of things - most of which appear to have no value at all (video games, social media, new clothes that look shabby at purchase time).

We have inherited two china sets. I can't remember the last time we took a peek at them.
« Last Edit: January 16, 2019, 07:33:20 AM by Just Joe »

marcela

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 685
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #452 on: January 16, 2019, 08:04:29 AM »
If money is tight for your mom maybe brainstorm with her what fun things she could do with the extra money once the units are gone. Also tell her you spoke with the others and no one wants the stuff. Maybe volunteer to help her get rid of it. I am in my 60ís and have gotten rid of a ton of stuff. I donít want to burden my kids. Itís much easier and faster to clean also. Plus the more valuable items I gave to groups looking for high quality silent auction items. That felt good.

Money isn't tight for her at all. DH and I have told her many times we'd be happy to help go through the stuff, find what she really wants to keep, and sell other things on Craigslist or haul them to Goodwill. She's nearly 90, and couldn't do that herself, but we'd love to help!

I'm hesitant to tell her that family members really don't want her stuff, partly because she doesn't listen! For example, dad bought a half-dozen "collector" dolls on QVC some years ago. You know, the ones in the glass display cases with the frilly dresses and the eyes that close when you lay them down. Mom keeps thinking that granddaughter wants them. Granddaughter, now 32, has always said no way, they're creepy! I mentioned this to mom, and she said, "Well, I'll just save them for great granddaughter so that she'll have a doll." As though the little girl will be destitute with no toys. Mom just can't believe that other people don't see value in her stuff.

She'll occasionally give something to someone, but it has to be the right person, i.e., someone she feels deserves to be honored by receiving something she's owned.

Kudos to you for sparing your kids this dilemma! We're the same way, always getting rid of things we've stopped using. Feels good to know that someone else will get more use out of it, plus it supports the thrift store business, helping to provide jobs and such.
Part of the approach we've taken with my ILs is that we take the crap they give us and swing by the goodwill on the way home. It's one far away enough from their house that they are unlikely to run into it and gets stuff out of their house without it entering ours. Maybe the granddaughter can take the dolls and then donate them. If grandma asks about it, say it's in storage for great-granddaughter someday to "protect the value"

o2bfree

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 267
  • Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #453 on: January 16, 2019, 08:47:47 AM »
Maybe the granddaughter can take the dolls and then donate them. If grandma asks about it, say it's in storage for great-granddaughter someday to "protect the value"

Clever, LOL!!!

Unfortunately, granddaughter lives in Kansas. Shipping the dolls there would cost more than they're worth.

marcela

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 685
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #454 on: January 16, 2019, 12:41:31 PM »
Maybe the granddaughter can take the dolls and then donate them. If grandma asks about it, say it's in storage for great-granddaughter someday to "protect the value"

Clever, LOL!!!

Unfortunately, granddaughter lives in Kansas. Shipping the dolls there would cost more than they're worth.
Is the idea of get stuff out of the house or to get items' value out of them? Could you offer to mail them to granddaughter yourself and then you donate?

o2bfree

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 267
  • Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #455 on: January 16, 2019, 01:03:52 PM »
Maybe the granddaughter can take the dolls and then donate them. If grandma asks about it, say it's in storage for great-granddaughter someday to "protect the value"

Clever, LOL!!!

Unfortunately, granddaughter lives in Kansas. Shipping the dolls there would cost more than they're worth.
Is the idea of get stuff out of the house or to get items' value out of them? Could you offer to mail them to granddaughter yourself and then you donate?

Marcela, you devil!!! LOL!!!! I could just see the look on my mom's face if we ran across one in a thrift store!

The dolls are in a storage unit, and are not valuable, there's a ton of them on ebay. I could offer to ship them to GD, and not do it, but mom might think something's up because shipping would be quite expensive with the dolls being in big, glass display cases and all (the cases are like >2 feet tall). Anyways, I really don't want to deceive my mom. She got enough deceptive crap over the years from my brother.

But if the subject comes up again with her, I'll tell her again that granddaughter does not want them. Maybe she'll eventually donate them to her social club's auction. She did do that with the Christmas-themed doll a couple years ago.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5771
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #456 on: January 16, 2019, 01:12:22 PM »
I didnít realize your mom was so old. At this point probably nothing you can do and deal with it once she is gone. So nice that you still have your mom:))

o2bfree

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 267
  • Location: Pacific Northwest
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #457 on: January 16, 2019, 01:50:33 PM »
I didnít realize your mom was so old. At this point probably nothing you can do and deal with it once she is gone. So nice that you still have your mom:))

Mom has threatened to outlive us all, and she could well do so. Her health is great, I can see her living another 10 years easily. I'll be 57 this year, and know people who've died unexpectedly in their late 50s-early 60s from stroke, cancer, bad falls due to deteriorating balance and reflexes, etc. (I'm adopted and don't know anything about my birth family's longevity.)

That's a new angle I'm starting to work her with: If you outlive your family, your precious stuff may well become the property of the storage place!

Goldielocks

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6486
  • Location: BC
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #458 on: January 16, 2019, 03:08:03 PM »
Reference points

My aunt lives out of country, but owns a couple of tiny apartments here, side by side, for investment and when she visits 4 months out of the year.   She used to rent out one but had problems, so doesn't anymore.  She finally emptied out her storage locker they were paying for about 5 years ago, getting rid of old crappy stuff, appliances, etc, and put everything she likes or thought was in good shape, into these two apartments. Yay!  One is now used for visitors, and one for themselves.   They have made it so the room areas are able to be lived in, except that all cupbords, closets, furniture are full and there are tons of disply items, knickknacks, and the "den" each has a large pile of boxed items (10+ large boxes in each).

An apartment is 350 sq.ft, 1 bedroom plus mini den.   My daughter is about to rent one of the apartments for a few months per year, while going to school nearby.

Yesterday, I went to help make some room for her stuff.  There was no room for food in the kitchen, and all but 2ft of counter space was filled up.

Cleaning it out and packing up the surplus, I found and put away: 
approx 50 cookbooks
3 potato mashers (all very cheap, I mean, who needs 3 of these even for your home kitchen?)
Two full sets of cutlerly (of aprox 16 settings each)
20 plates 20 bowls, etc.
10 champagne glasses,
Serving ware, many sets of trays.
7 large corning ware casserole dishes
Three coffee makers, plus 3 bodum style coffee presses, plus three teapots, with cups
Two toasters
over 100 light bulbs (!)
etc.

The unit is suitable for 1-2 adults at a time.  You can only fit about 4 people over for snacks / eating, etc, as it is tiny, no table, etc.   

I was the first person to use the stove / oven in 10 years.   This is not a kitchen that anyone cooks in.. she barely cooks in her "main" apartment and that is filled to bursting, too. The ovens were stuffed with household goods, so you could not turn them on.

I have no idea why she is keeping all of this.   All I can say is that it was all very neat and tidy and organized, but pretty much useless and very hard to live with.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5771
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #459 on: January 16, 2019, 04:56:41 PM »
Goldie, yes thatís pretty ridiculous. Who wants to live among all that clutter.

letsdoit

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 410
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #460 on: January 23, 2019, 11:35:02 AM »
there is a sculpture in smithsonian folk where a man wrapped thousands of lightbulbs in foil and made alters out of them. 
i'm just saying, you already have 100 bulbs

Poundwise

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1492
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #461 on: January 23, 2019, 07:02:11 PM »
Incandescent bulbs are good for hatching chicks. And minibake ovens.

Just Joe

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 3217
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #462 on: January 24, 2019, 07:11:31 AM »
And keeping warm while working on a car in a cold garage. And also, burns from the hot cage around that drop light...

letsdoit

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 410
Re: Do any of your parents hoard and try to give you crap and other dumb stuff?
« Reply #463 on: January 24, 2019, 09:18:32 AM »
as a ghost light for theater stages at night ?