Author Topic: Deflecting the "You're rich, therefore you should ..." game  (Read 10354 times)

EarlyStart

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Re: Deflecting the "You're rich, therefore you should ..." game
« Reply #50 on: August 21, 2016, 05:50:10 PM »
How do you deflect when someone criticizes your choice to save instead of spend? 
Variations on this theme are:
  • You're rich, you should buy it
  • You're rich, you should pay for all of us
  • You deserve it
  • Go ahead, treat yourself!
  • You make so much money, what do you care how much it costs?
  • It must be nice to have such a nice [anything], I could never afford that

I usually try to deflect the assumption suggestion that I'm rich.  But then that makes me seem defensive.
So let's hear it...
Do you have a stock phrase? Do you explain the situation?  Are you snarky?  Nice?  I would love to have a few pat answers because mine are never as eloquent as I'd like them to be.

I tell them to go back to the barn where they learned to speak to people that way.


okits

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Re: Deflecting the "You're rich, therefore you should ..." game
« Reply #51 on: August 21, 2016, 07:50:06 PM »
I would try to figure out why your friends have the impression you are rich.  Are you doing, buying, or talking about something? 
Also maybe you need new friends.

How do they know you have money? 
Don't discuss finances with anyone.  Problem solved.

I've modified the original posting to change the word assumption to suggestion.  No, of course my friends would never say such things to me!  These are things that happen to many people.  When I encounter these people, it's typically at work.  I'm a consultant so more people know my hourly rate than would typically know it if I were a W-2 private employee.  And, it's almost always a situation where I have to be polite in response. 

It's very typical for people to call consultants "high-priced consultants", so I've learned to deal with that pretty well.  It's also common in the same way that people who aren't poor claim to be poor, and sometimes those same people like to accuse other people of "being rich".  Maybe I should turn it around and just say "it sounds like you're projecting". 

It almost always sounds like a joke, so my answers really do have to be lighthearted as well.  It's just that there's always some truth in jokes, so I'm trying to be pretty sensitive to that. 

Edited to fix quote

For your specific situation (must be polite, speaking to clients or employees of clients), I'd lie to fit in.  "Rich?!  That's before my car/mortgage/student loan/alimony/child support/student loan/medical debt payments!" Then sigh and talk about how nice it would be to win the lottery.

In this case you're managing your professional relationships/image.  Your personal financial situation isn't related to your work so don't offend anyone by being truthful or smart-mouthed.  And don't let them think that there isn't a penny of your billings that isn't already spoken for, so there's no impression that you don't need to be paid every dollar that your services are worth.

KickingRocks

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Re: Deflecting the "You're rich, therefore you should ..." game
« Reply #52 on: August 21, 2016, 09:59:45 PM »
Anytime I've dealt with something like this in my life I always repeat my go to line


"You don't get rich by spending frivolously"

It normally shuts them up.

TravelJunkyQC

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Re: Deflecting the "You're rich, therefore you should ..." game
« Reply #53 on: August 22, 2016, 09:57:01 AM »
Had this happen last week. I make probably one of the lowest salaries in my company (one of the younger ones, newer ones, and non-computer programmer ones). But my frugality is well known (always bring lunch for example). Two colleagues were talking about buying a 1000$ plane ticket (one of them is French and wanted to go home to visit family this year), and I didn't hear the rest of the conversation but at some point they passed by my desk and said something along the lines of, "with your frugality, 1000$ for a plane ticket must not make much difference to you". I just replied, "1000$ is a lot of money no matter how much I have in the bank, I don't see why it would mean less to me than to you?"

RetiredAt63

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Re: Deflecting the "You're rich, therefore you should ..." game
« Reply #54 on: August 23, 2016, 09:44:18 AM »
. I just replied, "1000$ is a lot of money no matter how much I have in the bank,

Even in Canadian dollars  ;-)   

FINate

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Re: Deflecting the "You're rich, therefore you should ..." game
« Reply #55 on: August 23, 2016, 10:11:20 AM »
I was always taught that finances are personal, so when someone asks a question like that they are prying into my private life. I still answer, usually along the lines of "I didn't get rich by spending money." But then I turn the tables on them. If they are going to pry into my finances, I'm going to return the favor. Fair is fair, right? Why do they continue to pay for cable (or Starbucks, or eating out, or any number of other things) even though they are in debt? Have they started saving for retirement? Are they making use of that employer match to their 401(k).  How do they expect to save a down payment for a house in a HCOL area when they keep taking expensive vacations? Funny, my friends no longer ask questions like that :)
« Last Edit: August 23, 2016, 10:12:56 AM by FINate »

gimp

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Re: Deflecting the "You're rich, therefore you should ..." game
« Reply #56 on: August 23, 2016, 03:19:18 PM »
I tell people it's all being spent on my cars.

It's really not true. But it sounds true enough, because I'll start telling them about how one needs new shocks and an oil cooler and how since I'm doing an oil cooler I may as well add a filter relocation + double filter kit and an oil accumulator and ...

This has the effect of getting people to shut up about how they think I should replace the buick, and if there are other car nerds in the conversation, we can start talking about cars. What a win.