Author Topic: Deflated by other people's reactions  (Read 21569 times)


  • Pencil Stache
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #50 on: September 03, 2013, 07:33:28 AM »
I haven't read through all the responses just the OPs msg.  Honestly you could do without them or less of them around then.  I would put the effort towards family and very longtime friends (10+yrs) but would cut off the negative acquaintances.

My brother is somewhat the same way... he thinks is impossible to live off 55-60k salary.  That's how much he makes.  He considers himself "lucky" that he met a girl that makes over 150k or he would be "penny pinching".  I roll my eyes each time.  He's a great guy with horrible spending habits.

Live for yourself and your family... don't live through the pressures of others like a lot of society.  Just my 2cents.


  • Bristles
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #51 on: December 02, 2013, 01:51:55 PM »
I find that I have good luck finding new like minded people by talking about things related to saving money indirectly. For example, DIY projects, cooking from scratch, hiking, deal finding, preserving, etc. So if someone asks what I did last weekend I may say, "oh we went on a hike through the park, then I canned for a few hours." That's not throwing frugality in their face, but when someone's eyes light up and they say, "Oh! I love canning (or insert whatever your thing is)", odds are they have some common ground about saving money, etc.

But yeah, generally people don't want to hear it. It makes them feel guilty for not doing more with their own finances.

Mr. Minsc

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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #52 on: December 02, 2013, 02:43:48 PM »
People don't like unsolicited advice (and sometimes solicited advice) about how to manage their money.  Many, if not most...

Actually, people in general don't like being given advice.  I know I don't. ;)  We tend to like going things our own way.  All one can do is guage interest on a subject.  If people want to listen, they will.  If not, well, all you can do is step back and shut up.  Many times leading by example works way better than words.

I agree with others it's best to slowly ween people in to the ideas presented on sites like MMM.  As a person who found his way here on his own, even I don't follow all the advice here.  It's a lot to take in.


  • Bristles
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #53 on: December 02, 2013, 05:13:58 PM »
I've stopped telling people what to do when I did Atkins a few years back. Conversation would go something like:
Friend/family member: OMG you look so thing what did you do? Tell me! I've been dying to lose weight.
Me: No bread, no rice, no pasta.
Friend/family member: Oh I can't give any of that up. What else can I do?
Me: Erm...

So once I get my riches I am shutting up about it. :D


  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #54 on: December 02, 2013, 05:41:09 PM »
Wow, I just had this EXACT experience over the weekend. My partner and I have gobs of student loan debt (now in the $20k range). ER is the eventual goal (or semi-early retirement, anyway), but getting out of debt is the short-term goal we're shooting for. Last month we threw almost $3k of extra income at our loans, all due to a ton of PT/OT work -- something we worked very hard for and were ridiculously proud of. We're making a ton of sacrifices to pay off our debt and are steadily approaching zero.

Anyway, I told this to a family member on my partner's side of the family, because we sometimes talk about student loans and how much they suck and how hard they are to conquer. (They took out PLUS loans for their daughter, no retirement, have tons of debt, will "always be in debt," in his words.) Like an idiot, I expected said family member to be happy or at least a little bit congratulatory. Nope. Conversation went like this:

Me: "Oh, hey, [family member], did I tell you we put away $3k toward our loans this month?!"
Him: Oh, yeah, I heard about that. That's ... great."

End conversation.

Meanwhile, he insists it's impossible and unrealistic for people to pay off debt. It was almost like he was annoyed at me for bringing it up. Learned my lesson!


  • Pencil Stache
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #55 on: December 02, 2013, 06:41:39 PM »
Do I really have to keep this to myself forever? And when I do reach ER, will they continue to think that my situation is somehow different, I was lucky, and it's not something they could do?

i really want to spread the word but i'm going to shut up instead to keep my friends. Has anyone else found this?

The comparison to religion is apt. I had the same experience as you did when I started bicycling for transportation. I was so excited! I wanted to tell everyone about it. I alienated more than one person in the process. (At least you've only alienated one so far.)

It was (according to my long-suffering husband) exactly as if I'd just got religion. I was that obnoxious about it.

I didn't think I was being obnoxious. I thought I was the most reasonable person in the world. I can laugh about that now...

It hurt that no one was interested in this amazing thing I'd discovered. I did find like-minded friends, and we could preach to the choir endlessly. Eventually I calmed down and now people actually come to me and ask for advice about bicycling. I even started a blog that the local newspaper runs, about bicycling & walking.


  • Pencil Stache
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #56 on: December 05, 2013, 10:32:03 AM »
This reminds me of a LPT on reddit one time that said something like any time you find something new that really excites you to wait 6 months to tell people about it.

After my experiences through the years with Atkins, Dave Ramsey, Bogleheads Guide to Investing and subsequent Bogleheads forum, and now MMM (all hugely beneficial things in my life over the past 6 yrs), I've finally learned to control myself from sharing the excitement with others.  It has helped that investing was my passion for the most recent couple years as it's hard to ever talk to anyone about that because almost nobody is interested in it and even less are actually keen on doing it in a low cost indexy way.

Now I just gently search for people worthy of "my" wisdom.  I've not mentioned MMM or FI style frugality to anyone yet (60+ days in) other than my brother but we're tight so he doesn't count.  Heck I'm still sitting on a couple spare copies of my favorite investing books waiting for the right person to gift those to. 
« Last Edit: December 05, 2013, 10:41:52 AM by MooseOutFront »


  • Stubble
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #57 on: December 08, 2013, 09:12:08 PM »
I know this is an old topic, but this is really not about financial stuff and all about relating to people. Um, no one cares about you as much as you do, and no one cares about how well you are doing or planning. This is a little deeper than a financial forum needs but the need to tell people about your success or plans is seeking validation. Sooooo, do that here because we all need that reinforcement! Just realize in the real world, practice listening more and talking less and actually caring about what the other person is saying. If everyone did this you wouldn't every have this since people would listen to you, so start changing the world by changing your own patterns.


  • Walrus Stache
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #58 on: December 08, 2013, 10:01:49 PM »
I get discouraged sometimes, living this mustachian life, mostly because it's lonely being so different.  But that's why this MMM community has become so important to me.  We support each other and encourage (does that word literally mean "give courage"?) each other's badassity.  That helps me so much.


  • Pencil Stache
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Re: Deflated by other people's reactions
« Reply #59 on: December 09, 2013, 10:06:41 AM »
It doesn't have to be lonely.  Start hanging out where the frugal people hang out - bike events, free events, libraries, environmental meet-ups, etc.  You may not meet true Mustachians, but you'll meet people that more or less share your same values and that's a great place to form a friendship and discuss topics like conservation, resource efficiency (time, money, energy), consumerism, etc.    not sure if those same people would be discussing investments, but you'll probably find a few takers.