I so agree with Spork, context is everything indeed. I live in Richmond, and you still see the Confederate flag a lot in these parts. Some from history buffs, some from rednecks. The flag means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, especially blacks who for darned good reason don't look fondly on it at all. A lot of whites hear still claim "heritage, not hate" in regards to the flag, but come on already. That heritage is a very hurtful symbol to a lot of people. It's tacky.
The problem I have with the supposed power of the N word is that while you never see a black guy in Richmond sporting a Confederate flag for pretty obvious reasons, the N word gets tossed about pretty casually within elements of the black community, especially younger generations. So as a member of the white community I think it is fair to ask, hey, at what point does the double-standard line get crossed? I get the context element, but still... I'm not arguing whites should ever use that word, we shouldn't, I'm simply wondering aloud if the supposed potency is artificially high when it is used given the words prevalence within black society itself.