Author Topic: Cousin doesn't want to go to college  (Read 5342 times)

Yokan

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Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« on: September 12, 2016, 10:56:05 AM »
My Uncle and Aunt own an insurance company. Their son, my cousin is having alot of trouble adjusting to the idea of living on a college campus. He doesn't want to share a room with others, but his parents want him to have the college experience. During lunch with them this exchange happens:

Cousin: I don't want a roommate. Can't you guys just buy a business and I'll run it?

Aunt: No, we're not going to buy you a business. You need to learn how work with others, so you can get a good career.

Cousin: But I'm already rich.

It was at that point that I realized that we came from completely different backgrounds. His parents just laughed it off, but I couldn't believe what a douche my cousin had become.

mskyle

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2016, 10:58:33 AM »
I mean, in fairness, your aunt and uncle ALSO sound crazypants for trying to force your cousin to piss away their money on a "college experience." Good luck to them all!

Yokan

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #2 on: September 12, 2016, 11:04:38 AM »
Oh yes, that's the least of it. I don't hang out with them often, but every time I do, all I could think of is this thread.

TheGrimSqueaker

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #3 on: September 12, 2016, 11:36:09 AM »
Does the kid have practical skills and experience in running this type of business? If he's been working in the family business from an early age, he may have most of what he already needs, and might not need a degree.

Yokan

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2016, 11:54:28 AM »
Not even a little bit. He's the kind of kid that flaunts his parent's wealth as though it were his. He's also more concerned going out partying with friends than focusing on his school or any other endeavor that requires discipline.

BlueHouse

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #5 on: September 12, 2016, 01:42:47 PM »
Yikes, that is scary. 
I don't disagree with them making him do something outside of his comfort zone.  It sounds as if he doesn't know that "the college experience" is way smoother than supporting yourself in a low wage job. I hope they give him that as another option. 


Sibley

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #6 on: September 12, 2016, 01:49:39 PM »
Have the popcorn handy for the future. You may get entertainment out of it.

Jouer

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #7 on: September 12, 2016, 02:33:53 PM »
"Correction: Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."


MgoSam

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #8 on: September 12, 2016, 03:08:41 PM »
I don't object to him not wanting to go to college. In fact I applaud him for not being ever so eager to go to college as it would mean 4 years before he has to get a job, can party and try to hook up with lots of young women, and avoid real responsibilities. I'm not saying that all college goers do this, but someone that grew up with a silver spoon might. I actually am impressed that he wants to run a business.

Now his parents buying him a business is a different story.

I don't have any kids, but if I did and he wanted to run a business I would probably tell him something along the lines of, "Ok, if you want to run a business, show me you have the chops," and tell him to get a job. I have some family friend's who have bought businesses for their children to run and earn an income, but I believe in all cases they had their kids go work elsewhere so that they could learn responsibilities first.

My dad mentioned that when he was a kid, his father sent him to a friend's house to live for a year and work as an assistant for his company. It was my grandfather's way of training his son how to be a businessman. I almost wish my dad had offered to do that to me.

kayvent

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #9 on: September 12, 2016, 03:11:08 PM »
I mean, in fairness, your aunt and uncle ALSO sound crazypants for trying to force your cousin to piss away their money on a "college experience." Good luck to them all!

I don't get that vibe. From the "You need to learn how work with others, so you can get a good career" line I interpret that their intent is for their child to go to school and learn valuable collaborative skills. Perhaps even network! As far as ideas and plans go, that isn't a horrible plan.

stoaX

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #10 on: September 12, 2016, 04:03:43 PM »
"Correction: Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

+1

GetItRight

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #11 on: September 12, 2016, 07:10:50 PM »
Clearly this kid has an entitlement mentality problem, but aside from that there's nothing wrong with not wanting to go to college. College was the most expensive mistake (both in time and money) I've ever made. I'd probably be farther along in my career if I never went, despite working through college, and would certainly be far closer to FI, rather than only recently crossing into positive net worth. College is not for everyone, and I believe in most cases the costs do not outweigh the benefits.

Yokan

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #12 on: September 13, 2016, 07:20:23 AM »
I think his parents' goal is for him to manage their business for them in the future. However he thinks that this will happen by default. I don't know if college is the best option for him at the end of the day. I've told them that if they want him to run the business they should get him involved now, but he's not interested. He wants to have his fun on their dime, but he doesn't want to learn how they made that dime. They enable this behavior by paying for him to have an Audi in high school and send him on international trips with his friends during the summer. It's a shame since my aunt and uncle worked so hard to build their company. I can see him pissing away that wealth pretty fast.

jinga nation

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #13 on: September 13, 2016, 07:47:44 AM »
My dad mentioned that when he was a kid, his father sent him to a friend's house to live for a year and work as an assistant for his company. It was my grandfather's way of training his son how to be a businessman. I almost wish my dad had offered to do that to me.
This was very common in Indian families. The young man is taken out of his comfort zone by working for a relative or family friend. There's no slacking as there will be reports going back to Pops. Also, when there's no school, you go to work.
My brother and I grew up working school holidays for our father, working in manufacturing glue and paint, packaging, sales, deliveries, and sales trip out of town with hustler dad. Made us realize how much effort our dad put into business to send us to private competitive schools, since public schools sucked. Perhaps this is why my brother and I don't complain about long work hours or willingly doing side gigs, and our brains are constantly churning with business ideas. It's all dad.

MrsPete

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #14 on: September 13, 2016, 07:53:06 AM »
My Uncle and Aunt own an insurance company. Their son, my cousin is having alot of trouble adjusting to the idea of living on a college campus. He doesn't want to share a room with others, but his parents want him to have the college experience. During lunch with them this exchange happens:

Cousin: I don't want a roommate. Can't you guys just buy a business and I'll run it?

Aunt: No, we're not going to buy you a business. You need to learn how work with others, so you can get a good career.

Cousin: But I'm already rich.

It was at that point that I realized that we came from completely different backgrounds. His parents just laughed it off, but I couldn't believe what a douche my cousin had become.
I think the appropriate answer is, "Well, then, if you're already rich, go buy a business for yourself.  What's that?  You say your checking account is a little low?" 

Seriously, though, if he wants to own a business, the real answer isn't about learning to work with other people -- a serious answer might be, "Operating your own business requires knowledge.  It's more than having the money to rent a storefront.  Go gain that knowledge by earning a degree, and then perhaps you'll want to join us in the family business.  If not, or if this industry changes as so many are changing, you'll have the knowledge to move forward in a different field.  Find yourself an internship or two so you know what the world of work is like.  Make some connections.  Network.  Once you've done those things, you'll be versatile and ready for the work world." 

"Correction: Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."
That was one of the best Cosby Show episodes ever. 


Yokan

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #15 on: September 13, 2016, 07:53:20 AM »
My dad mentioned that when he was a kid, his father sent him to a friend's house to live for a year and work as an assistant for his company. It was my grandfather's way of training his son how to be a businessman. I almost wish my dad had offered to do that to me.
This was very common in Indian families. The young man is taken out of his comfort zone by working for a relative or family friend. There's no slacking as there will be reports going back to Pops. Also, when there's no school, you go to work.
My brother and I grew up working school holidays for our father, working in manufacturing glue and paint, packaging, sales, deliveries, and sales trip out of town with hustler dad. Made us realize how much effort our dad put into business to send us to private competitive schools, since public schools sucked. Perhaps this is why my brother and I don't complain about long work hours or willingly doing side gigs, and our brains are constantly churning with business ideas. It's all dad.

That sounds like some top notch parenting!

MgoSam

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #16 on: September 13, 2016, 08:57:03 AM »
My dad mentioned that when he was a kid, his father sent him to a friend's house to live for a year and work as an assistant for his company. It was my grandfather's way of training his son how to be a businessman. I almost wish my dad had offered to do that to me.
This was very common in Indian families. The young man is taken out of his comfort zone by working for a relative or family friend. There's no slacking as there will be reports going back to Pops. Also, when there's no school, you go to work.
My brother and I grew up working school holidays for our father, working in manufacturing glue and paint, packaging, sales, deliveries, and sales trip out of town with hustler dad. Made us realize how much effort our dad put into business to send us to private competitive schools, since public schools sucked. Perhaps this is why my brother and I don't complain about long work hours or willingly doing side gigs, and our brains are constantly churning with business ideas. It's all dad.

Yup, I spent summers in his office doing odds and ends, in one situation we got in a shipment of knives without the MADE IN CHINA sticker, so they all had to opened and stickered and put back. Had I been wise, I would have created a game out of it.

jinga nation

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #17 on: September 13, 2016, 09:03:39 AM »
My dad mentioned that when he was a kid, his father sent him to a friend's house to live for a year and work as an assistant for his company. It was my grandfather's way of training his son how to be a businessman. I almost wish my dad had offered to do that to me.
This was very common in Indian families. The young man is taken out of his comfort zone by working for a relative or family friend. There's no slacking as there will be reports going back to Pops. Also, when there's no school, you go to work.
My brother and I grew up working school holidays for our father, working in manufacturing glue and paint, packaging, sales, deliveries, and sales trip out of town with hustler dad. Made us realize how much effort our dad put into business to send us to private competitive schools, since public schools sucked. Perhaps this is why my brother and I don't complain about long work hours or willingly doing side gigs, and our brains are constantly churning with business ideas. It's all dad.

That sounds like some top notch parenting!
When I graduated high school in Kenya, I could have either gone to study engineering in India at IIT Bombay (yes, I got admission to that prestigious university) or wait for upto a year while my family's green cards were being processed. Also I wasn't sure if I wanted to go into business like my dad, be an accountant like an uncle, be an engineer like my dad's cousins, or something different. So for a year, I worked a month of accounting (boring), in the engineering factory learning basic mechanical and electrical stuff like using a CNC machine, electrical codes, programming PLCs, assembling low voltage panels for pool pumps. In the end, we moved to Flo' and I want to study electrical engineering. Unlike many of my peers, I never had the urge to quit/switch majors, and that gap year was the reason to stay the course when classes got tough, Partial Diff Equations and Vector Analysis, Everlasting Bastard courses.

deadlymonkey

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #18 on: September 13, 2016, 09:12:02 AM »
Parents should have done what mine did and helped get me a job working on the loading dock at a factory for 4.25 an hour.  Do that for a few months, and you will be guaranteed that you will appreciate money and the time/labor investment for it as well as the opportunities that come with a college education. 

Let him start at the bottom of some labor intensive business that don't own and not supplement his income.  He will learn.

Yokan

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #19 on: September 13, 2016, 09:12:35 AM »
My dad mentioned that when he was a kid, his father sent him to a friend's house to live for a year and work as an assistant for his company. It was my grandfather's way of training his son how to be a businessman. I almost wish my dad had offered to do that to me.
This was very common in Indian families. The young man is taken out of his comfort zone by working for a relative or family friend. There's no slacking as there will be reports going back to Pops. Also, when there's no school, you go to work.
My brother and I grew up working school holidays for our father, working in manufacturing glue and paint, packaging, sales, deliveries, and sales trip out of town with hustler dad. Made us realize how much effort our dad put into business to send us to private competitive schools, since public schools sucked. Perhaps this is why my brother and I don't complain about long work hours or willingly doing side gigs, and our brains are constantly churning with business ideas. It's all dad.

That sounds like some top notch parenting!
When I graduated high school in Kenya, I could have either gone to study engineering in India at IIT Bombay (yes, I got admission to that prestigious university) or wait for upto a year while my family's green cards were being processed. Also I wasn't sure if I wanted to go into business like my dad, be an accountant like an uncle, be an engineer like my dad's cousins, or something different. So for a year, I worked a month of accounting (boring), in the engineering factory learning basic mechanical and electrical stuff like using a CNC machine, electrical codes, programming PLCs, assembling low voltage panels for pool pumps. In the end, we moved to Flo' and I want to study electrical engineering. Unlike many of my peers, I never had the urge to quit/switch majors, and that gap year was the reason to stay the course when classes got tough, Partial Diff Equations and Vector Analysis, Everlasting Bastard courses.

It's funny, because my Uncle is Indian (by marriage) as well. I think he wants his son to have the kind of exposure that you had in your upbringing. I think the problem is that he has a proclivity to flaunt his wealth as well, so he see's his son's lifestyle as an extension of that. He keeps thinking that College will satisfy that exposure, so he has no sense of urgency in the matter. And yes accounting is boring, at first :).

mskyle

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #20 on: September 13, 2016, 10:47:08 AM »
I mean, in fairness, your aunt and uncle ALSO sound crazypants for trying to force your cousin to piss away their money on a "college experience." Good luck to them all!

I don't get that vibe. From the "You need to learn how work with others, so you can get a good career" line I interpret that their intent is for their child to go to school and learn valuable collaborative skills. Perhaps even network! As far as ideas and plans go, that isn't a horrible plan.

I used to work at a not-very-selective private college and I just saw a lot kids who went to college because their parents thought they needed to in order to get a job. Many of these kids had no idea what the hell they were supposed to be getting out of it, and no internal motivation. It was basically four more years of (very expensive) high school, only with more drinking and less adult supervision.

I get wanting your kid to learn important work skills, but just paying for them to go live on a campus for four (or more) years won't make them learn anything.

College costs the same whether you want to be there or not, and whether you get anything out of it or not. Wait until the kid wants to go to college before you send them. Until then, let them work and support themselves.

Apples

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #21 on: September 16, 2016, 12:52:53 PM »
"Correction: Your mother and I are rich. You have nothing."

Yep.  My parents have used that line (they are nowhere near as rich as this guy's parents).

We worked in the orchard at 14.  Nothing like using a shovel to clear out an irrigation ditch in 95 degree heat for the third day in a row to really get a teenager to appreciate school.  We intersperse actually learning moments in with the hard labor, but a summer of real work (and occasional laziness) really sets kids up to figure out that actually school is easy and has a meaning.  The meaning is Don't Do This Hard Labor Forever.  Most of our friends who worked in the orchard have gone into majors that are known to be pretty tough, with good job outcomes on the other side.
« Last Edit: September 16, 2016, 12:59:29 PM by Apples »

Making Cookies

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Re: Cousin doesn't want to go to college
« Reply #22 on: September 16, 2016, 03:14:01 PM »
Maybe this is the key to raising kids right.

The easy suburban existence our children enjoy doesn't build much motivation to seek an education and avoid hard labor. Hard work for them is mowing the grass or emptying the dishwasher.