The $4000+ per month on day care is eye-popping. In LCOL areas of the country I think that would be enough to hire a live-in caregiver.
That's at least twice what it costs to hire an au pair here in Seattle, but then you have to buy a house with an extra bedroom for them, which brings us right back to high real estate costs.
Because if you had an extra bedroom you could rent it out / Airbnb it out for more than you might save on childcare
The market ruthlessly getting rid of inefficiencies?
I have to wonder a bit about the daycare thing. I live in So Cal. Daycare is expensive here. Not "Boston" expensive. Maybe a little less than Silicon Valley Expensive.
So is it REALLY that expensive? Is it Ivy League Preschool Syndrome? Or is it "workaholic" syndrome?
A few thoughts:
I used to live in DC. The northeast is very type-A hard charging. I fit right in.
Then I moved to CA when my husband started grad school. Not even just CA, Santa Barbara. It's pretty laid back here. It took a long time for me to dial back my type-A-ness, and people here still say "you are dialed back??"
My friends in Silicon Valley have higher child care costs. But mostly because of the lifestyle they choose. They have chosen nanny for when the kids were little, and then after school. The nanny costs in Silicon Valley are pretty much the same as here: $20-25 an hour for 2 kids.
The advantage to a nanny: less commuting. It's MUCH less stressful to just go home at the end of the day (so I hear). Of course if they are your full time nanny, then you are also paying SS taxes, so the cost will go up.
(Around here there are people who do the au pair thing. We only have a 2BR house, so that was out for us.)
Right now my 4 year old is in preschool. Prior to that, he was in a home daycare. (My older son followed the same path.) This preschool was recommended by friends. I admit that in round 2, I didn't look at any others. I just picked this one because I didn't have time to deal with it. It's quite different than our older son's preschool (which is no longer running). Big kid's preschool was at the elementary school and was a mix of kids. This one is pretty much upper middle class white kids. It's actually not horribly overpriced for the area ($1200/ month). It's middle of the road. You can find full time preschools for $900-1000, but they are going to be mostly religious preschools. There are *many* preschools that are well regarded for $1400/month +.
So, if you read the article, their kids are in daycare 10 hours a day. 10 hours. I don't want to judge, but I will. I cannot imagine maintaining my *own* level of sanity with 10 hours a day. The average child in daycare is in daycare 30 hours a week. In my experience here, that is accomplished a myriad of ways: shifting schedules (we do this), working from home, part time work. My friends in Silicon Valley asked me how we did it without a nanny - well, one of us works 7:30-4:30 and the other works 9 to 6. On special days (sports, dr appts, whatever), we leave earlier/ go in later. And it's pretty much accepted here. Even though neither of them works a job where they need to be somewhere for a specific time, it's less accepted to do that. If necessary, they can, but not as a regular thing.
So for the Seattle couple, is that the case? Is the area, or are the jobs, those that are less accepting? Honestly, I'm very good at my job, and not particularly highly paid. So, I just pretty much demanded the flexibility from the start. If I don't, it will never become "normal".
(And again on the daycare bill, I've found that a good quality home daycare is cheaper than a center. The slight disadvantage is that there are occasional cancellations if the caregiver is sick. But that is rare. In my 2 kids total of 8 years, maybe a total of 10 days. Half for sick, and half for being evacuated due to wildfire.)