Author Topic: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...  (Read 12170 times)


KMMK

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2013, 06:09:07 AM »
Ridiculous. Did you know that being alive actually costs money? Apart from the engagement ring and wedding stuff, everything else is just doing things that happen to take money.

Of course for DH and I we didn't go for any of that nonsense. But even for the average person, if they spend money single, they spend money dating. At least the article didn't seem to be directed at men specifically.

GuitarStv

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2013, 06:54:03 AM »
This doesn't appear to be considering the considerable long term savings that you gain by having a partner.  Shared accommodations, shared vehicle, split meal preparation time, dual income, etc.  Frankly, I think that marriage is a cheaper option than staying single.

Donovan

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2013, 06:59:55 AM »
Indeed. Even playing along with their view for a little bit (which involves much larger numbers for ring and wedding than I am spending, but also a much shorter time period than my current 3 year engagement), my fiance will probably make that amount up in about 6 months of pay after she graduates...making her literally the best investment I have ever made :)

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2013, 10:14:09 AM »
Quote
It was an eye-opening exercise for Mr. Mangaroo, who is engaged, but hasn’t really started planning the wedding. But he said like any other budgeting exercise, spending on romance needs to be disciplined and isn’t diminished by finding deals.

“There are always ways you can save money if you really want to,” he said.

Seriously?  If you really want to?  How about if you don't blindly follow everything theknot.com says?

Nords

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2013, 10:35:52 AM »
Frankly, I think that marriage is a cheaper option than staying single.
Math and compelling logic aside, I'm probably not going to bring this up with my spouse... and especially not on Valentine's Day!

Self-employed-swami

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2013, 10:41:42 AM »
Frankly, I think that marriage is a cheaper option than staying single.
Math and compelling logic aside, I'm probably not going to bring this up with my spouse... and especially not on Valentine's Day!

Probably for the best ;)

I'm currently just transitioning from the 'investing in my spouse' stage, to the 'payoff' stage, financially-speaking.  He is finally employed full-time, and no longer a student.  Just in time for me to need 6 months off work, to recover from an upcoming surgery. :)

KimAB

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #7 on: February 14, 2013, 01:45:05 PM »
Absolutely ridiculous!  That said my daughter was just requested to be a bridesmaid at a destination wedding.  It won't cost more that $4,000 she was told...  She politely declined which will probably end the friendship.

I married my husband in the park 26 years ago Canada Day (free day off + free fireworks...) and we had a potluck lunch put on by my family.  We were just as married at the end of the day as the people spending $10,000 (the going rate back then.)

Sylly

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #8 on: February 14, 2013, 01:56:44 PM »
That said my daughter was just requested to be a bridesmaid at a destination wedding.  It won't cost more that $4,000 she was told...  She politely declined which will probably end the friendship.

Wait, what. A bride asking a friend to do something for her (the bride) that costs a lot of money. The friend refuses, and this somehow should nullify the friendship? Are people really this shameless?

Angelfishtitan

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #9 on: February 14, 2013, 02:47:53 PM »
I must say me and my DW were not necessarily frugal with our relationship or wedding, but some of these things are rediculous! What normal person has a $2k engagement party? $27K for a wedding? Ouch. Almost two grand for a gown...makes me glad my wife got hers for $50, her alterations almost cost as much as the dress! And does everyone go to Hawaii during peak flight times and sleep in five star hotels for their honeymoons? Mine was a completely unmustachian cruise to Bermuda and it was less than a third of that. Wonder if taking the median would bring these numbers down a little, they seem way too high.

Too many people use a engagement/wedding as an excuse to be frivilous with money when they should really be thinking about how their future together is going to look.

Richard3

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2013, 03:18:21 PM »
My siblings are probably going to cost me that much over my life too.

I also like the way that going to the theater / nice dinner is purely a cost of courtship, like people don't spend money on that sort of thing because they like the theater or food.

What a stupid "study" by fake scientists to create a press release.

It is nice to know that I should take a girl on 12 fancy dates, 12 movie dates, and 36 casual dates before proposing though... But what if we go to a film festival? Is that multiple movie dates, or does the higher entry price make it a fancy date? What about a four day weekend? Is that a weekend getaway? Is it a beach vacation if it's at a ski resort? I need to know! I don't want to propose too early or too late! Who knows what romantic comedy shenanigans would ensue if that happened!

kisserofsinners

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2013, 04:55:38 PM »
This is just hilarious to me. When i met my wife she had $20k in a savings account. She now has triple that in retirement, stocks, and savings. It all about where you're coming from and where you're trying to go.

My wife started out spoiling me for no reason. That lasted a few months before we got serious about plans for babyland.

KimAB

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #12 on: February 14, 2013, 05:09:23 PM »
Sylly, I agree- it's pretty unbelievable.  The bride doesn't have a very good grasp on what things cost and how regular people live (ie they pay their own rent and fund their own lives)  Having a wedding on another continent might be unaffordable for some of your guests...?

sol

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #13 on: February 14, 2013, 05:51:03 PM »
I married a woman who had already banked 18 years of a federal pension.  She's a retirement gold mine.

Jamesqf

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2013, 06:25:20 PM »
Wait, what. A bride asking a friend to do something for her (the bride) that costs a lot of money. The friend refuses, and this somehow should nullify the friendship? Are people really this shameless?

Yes, they are.  I've mentioned friends of mine, whose daughter no longer speaks to them because they weren't willing to spend about that much (each!) to fly to a Mexican resort for her wedding to a rich lawyer.

Nords

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #15 on: February 14, 2013, 07:12:35 PM »
Absolutely ridiculous!  That said my daughter was just requested to be a bridesmaid at a destination wedding.  It won't cost more that $4,000 she was told...  She politely declined which will probably end the friendship.
I guess that's the risk of putting a value on a friendship... and learning that neither of the friends sees the value. 

But if they were truly good friends then bride wouldn't have put her friend in that position, and the subject would never have become an issue.

I wonder how far the bride is going to have to dig into her Facebook friends list before the bridesmaid position is filled...

In retrospect, my spouse and I were lucky.  We didn't have a lot of time to pull the wedding together before I went on my next submarine patrol, and many of her family were less than mobile.  We held the ceremony at a local restaurant where all the guests could watch from behind their place setting at the tables.

Bill76

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #16 on: February 15, 2013, 07:25:24 AM »
It didn't cost me nearly this much.  We got married under a tree at the courthouse.  I think I paid the minister $100, including tip.  Judges don't do weddings around here anymore for some reason, so we couldn't avoid that cost.  Our wedding rings were less than $400 total, and since mine hadn't been delivered yet, we used ring pops during the ceremony (we couldn't find any halloween-style spider rings in July).  I'm not sure if the minister found that amusing or not, but we certainly did. :)  Afterward, we had an early dinner at our favorite local Italian restaurant, then went home.

I did go a little overboard on the engagement ring, but that was way before I discovered this site.  My wife has no idea how much it cost, but she is definitely worth every penny and then some.

nofool

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #17 on: February 15, 2013, 10:32:47 AM »
It didn't cost me nearly this much.  We got married under a tree at the courthouse.  I think I paid the minister $100, including tip.  Judges don't do weddings around here anymore for some reason, so we couldn't avoid that cost.  Our wedding rings were less than $400 total, and since mine hadn't been delivered yet, we used ring pops during the ceremony (we couldn't find any halloween-style spider rings in July).  I'm not sure if the minister found that amusing or not, but we certainly did. :)  Afterward, we had an early dinner at our favorite local Italian restaurant, then went home.

I did go a little overboard on the engagement ring, but that was way before I discovered this site.  My wife has no idea how much it cost, but she is definitely worth every penny and then some.

Aw, that last bit is really sweet. :) While I totally agree that the wedding industry is really overpriced, I gotta say that a courthouse wedding isn't for everybody. One of the last weddings I attended, the pastor stopped the ceremony and told the bridge and groom to spend a moment looking around, because there are so few occasions in life where all of your loved ones will gather to celebrate you. Your wedding, maybe for baby showers, and then your funeral. I just thought it was a really special thing, and I'd like to share my wedding day with all the people I love. Even if it does cost more.

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2013, 11:05:52 AM »
We opted for a traditional wedding as well (dinner, cocktails, dance with a DJ).  My Mom's funeral was 10 months earlier, and I wanted my family to have a happy occasion to gather and visit.  I didn't want to have the next family gathering be another funeral.

Bill76

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2013, 11:24:38 AM »
It didn't cost me nearly this much.  We got married under a tree at the courthouse.  I think I paid the minister $100, including tip.  Judges don't do weddings around here anymore for some reason, so we couldn't avoid that cost.  Our wedding rings were less than $400 total, and since mine hadn't been delivered yet, we used ring pops during the ceremony (we couldn't find any halloween-style spider rings in July).  I'm not sure if the minister found that amusing or not, but we certainly did. :)  Afterward, we had an early dinner at our favorite local Italian restaurant, then went home.

I did go a little overboard on the engagement ring, but that was way before I discovered this site.  My wife has no idea how much it cost, but she is definitely worth every penny and then some.

Aw, that last bit is really sweet. :) While I totally agree that the wedding industry is really overpriced, I gotta say that a courthouse wedding isn't for everybody. One of the last weddings I attended, the pastor stopped the ceremony and told the bridge and groom to spend a moment looking around, because there are so few occasions in life where all of your loved ones will gather to celebrate you. Your wedding, maybe for baby showers, and then your funeral. I just thought it was a really special thing, and I'd like to share my wedding day with all the people I love. Even if it does cost more.

I agree, it certainly isn't for everyone.  My mom certainly wasn't thrilled about it, and made sure to let us know on multiple occasions.  One of these days, we'll throw a big party for the benefit of all our friends and family, but once we decided to get married, we just wanted to do it as soon as possible.  My wife and I have some slightly unusual opinions about marriage though.  We didn't need the ceremony to confirm our commitment to one another, and we were simultaneously amused and annoyed that the state requires a "wedding" for what is essentially (as far as the government is concerned) a simple legal contract.  Like I said, we're a bit strange.

Zikoris

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #20 on: February 17, 2013, 11:56:41 AM »
Oh wow - I would see spending that much money on useless crap as solid grounds to end a relationship. Close to $7000 in ONE YEAR for courtship?

My boyfriend and I aren't looking to get married, but have lived together for years. Neither of us likes spending money, and we both prefer to stay in and make a nice dinner and debate current events over doing anything that costs money. I just can't wrap my head around this level of spending.

Jaherman99

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #21 on: February 17, 2013, 05:48:22 PM »
I can totally see it.  Like it or not, women judge men's suitability as a provider based upon him displaying it like a peacock displays his tail. In some circles that means a fast car that bounces up and down while pounding out the bass.  In others, it's expensive dinners and concerts.

It's part of our primal mating rituals.  We don't even think about it when we're doing it.  Don't believe me?  How many women do you think would go on a second date with a guy who asks to split the bill?  Be honest, now.

Paul der Krake

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #22 on: February 17, 2013, 06:40:51 PM »
Re: splitting/alternating who pays the bill when dating

I feel like that's the natural thing to do after a couple dates, or whenever the relationship feels stable-ish. It would be weird if the guy was still paying for meals all the time after say, 3-4 dates. I have 0 qualms about picking up the tab early in the dating process. Like it or not, it's one of those societal things that's expected of males. Each gender has its perks, if I'm short a dozen meals over my lifetime, so be it.

Nords

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2013, 07:23:29 PM »
Oh wow - I would see spending that much money on useless crap as solid grounds to end a relationship. Close to $7000 in ONE YEAR for courtship?
I'm conflicted.

Last year I, my spouse, and our daughter attended the wedding of my cousin.  He and his bride paid for the whole thing on their own.  It was only the second wedding that my spouse and I have been invited to in over 20 years, and it may be the last.  (I'll have to check with my daughter.  Maybe one more.) 

That wedding reception, to put it politely, was the most legendary epically gnarly blowout party that I've ever seen.  It rivaled the extravagance of a 1980s wedding we attended at the Pebble Beach 19th Hole, but last year's won out on the basis of more fun for fewer dollars.  It had everything you look for in a wedding:  conveniently held in a major city's luxury hotel with plenty of extra rooms to rent for impromptu whatever, open bar, guests drinking during the ceremony (let alone the reception), exotic ethnic liquor smuggled in women's purses, a fantastic classic rock playlist (chosen by the father of the bride), a room full of gorgeous women, our daughter casually fending off a crowd of interested servicemembers, dancing until 2 AM, afterparties up and down the street at other bars, a visit by the police after the regrettable incident of the women starting a bar fight.  I'm surprised that the photos didn't end up on TMZ or The Smoking Gun.  The hotel staff even screwed up my reservation, so their apology to my family consisted of the Presidential Suite (over 1400 sq ft of ridiculous excess).  It was the most fun I've had at a wedding since my own.  Even the breakfast next morning was hilarious, and I'm sure a few of the Army Rangers guests barely had enough time to sober up shower and change clothes from the reception.  We'll be talking about that weekend for three decades. 

Having said that, I'm glad I wasn't a part of the official proceedings.  The bride drove herself nuts over the family diplomatic issues and a couple of the guests really need to check into an inpatient 12-step program.  The whole affair was at the complete opposite end of the financial, emotional, and logistical bell curve from my own wedding 26 years ago.  I'd never be comfortable spending so much money on my own at that age, although it'll be interesting to see what our daughter proposes to do with her money someday.

My conflict?  I certainly had a lot of fun on someone else's dollar, and I can appreciate the memories that the bride & groom will carry for the rest of their lives.  I think they got far more value out of their dollars spent at this wedding than many people get out of their entire marriages.  Our daughter certainly had an incredibly educational evening in ways that I probably don't even want to know about.  Now when my spouse and I tell our sea stories to our daughter, we can make the comparison to that wedding.

I guess the trick is to spend your own money in a way that brings value to you. 
« Last Edit: February 17, 2013, 07:25:28 PM by Nords »

TN_Steve

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #24 on: February 17, 2013, 08:29:00 PM »

*** [SNIP]

That wedding reception, to put it politely, was the most legendary epically gnarly blowout party that I've ever seen.  It rivaled the extravagance of a 1980s wedding we attended at the Pebble Beach 19th Hole, but last year's won out on the basis of more fun for fewer dollars.  It had everything you look for in a wedding:  conveniently held in a major city's luxury hotel with plenty of extra rooms to rent for impromptu whatever, open bar, guests drinking during the ceremony (let alone the reception), exotic ethnic liquor smuggled in women's purses, a fantastic classic rock playlist (chosen by the father of the bride), a room full of gorgeous women, our daughter casually fending off a crowd of interested servicemembers, dancing until 2 AM, afterparties up and down the street at other bars, a visit by the police after the regrettable incident of the women starting a bar fight.  I'm surprised that the photos didn't end up on TMZ or The Smoking Gun.  The hotel staff even screwed up my reservation, so their apology to my family consisted of the Presidential Suite (over 1400 sq ft of ridiculous excess).  It was the most fun I've had at a wedding since my own.  Even the breakfast next morning was hilarious, and I'm sure a few of the Army Rangers guests barely had enough time to sober up shower and change clothes from the reception.  We'll be talking about that weekend for three decades. 

***[SNIP]

We've been to a few more weddings than you guys over the years (big extended families), and have been to 2 or 3 of this type.  Sad thing is that, anecdotally, we've seen an inverse correlation between the expense of the wedding and the length of the marriage.

Disclosure:  We went together to the pawnshop to select our engagement and wedding rings.  :-)


Nords

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2013, 10:46:58 PM »
We've been to a few more weddings than you guys over the years (big extended families), and have been to 2 or 3 of this type.  Sad thing is that, anecdotally, we've seen an inverse correlation between the expense of the wedding and the length of the marriage.
Disclosure:  We went together to the pawnshop to select our engagement and wedding rings.  :-)
I really like these two and I have my fingers crossed for them, but I think they'll make their own luck.  They need each other and they're very good together.  He didn't just marry up-- he darn near married out of his species.  Although her branch of the family apparently used to have drinking problems, but now they make enough money to afford it...

I like the pawnshop approach.  Better prices, and probably better selection too.  We're holding on to the family jewels for our daughter but I'd completely understand if she elected to convert them into cash to pay for the wedding/honeymoon/household/babysitting/date nights.

smalllife

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #26 on: February 18, 2013, 09:01:34 AM »
re: splitting the bill. I wouldn't actually know my reaction as I always offer to split on the first date.  There are some guys that insist and I let them (it seems to be a manly pride thing for some), but there are bigger indicator's of compatibility than being treated like a prize to be won.  If I want to be an equal partner in the relationship why would I start if off by prolonging rituals aimed to ensure the contrary?

I'm also of the "I want pawn shop rings and a courthouse wedding" variety.  I refuse to be married in a church or by a minister.  I will however have an awesome (cheap) party.  That's all any guest wants of a wedding anyway.

TN_Steve

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #27 on: February 18, 2013, 01:48:16 PM »
[SNIP]

 He didn't just marry up-- he darn near married out of his species. 

[SNIP].

Way off topic--but this made me laugh--my parents (not to mention hers) essentially thought this was true of me, and had no hesitancy in saying so!  :-)

Nords

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #28 on: February 19, 2013, 09:26:23 AM »
Way off topic--but this made me laugh--my parents (not to mention hers) essentially thought this was true of me, and had no hesitancy in saying so!  :-)
I've been ER'd for over a decade, but my father-in-law is still convinced that my chronic inability to hold down a job is going to put both his daughter and his only grandchild out on the streets...

Another story from my cousin's Facebook feed:  He was working his smartphone during a staff meeting, and one of his co-workers was shoulder-surfing next to him.  She said "Hey, who's the buff babe in that sexy bikini on your phone?  I'm going to tell your wife on you!"

He replied "Sharon, that is my wife, and she's accepting her trophy from the fitness competition"...

Self-employed-swami

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #29 on: February 19, 2013, 09:47:16 AM »

Another story from my cousin's Facebook feed:  He was working his smartphone during a staff meeting, and one of his co-workers was shoulder-surfing next to him.  She said "Hey, who's the buff babe in that sexy bikini on your phone?  I'm going to tell your wife on you!"

He replied "Sharon, that is my wife, and she's accepting her trophy from the fitness competition"...

Ha!  Too funny.

GuitarStv

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #30 on: March 01, 2013, 06:58:53 AM »
Indeed. Even playing along with their view for a little bit (which involves much larger numbers for ring and wedding than I am spending, but also a much shorter time period than my current 3 year engagement), my fiance will probably make that amount up in about 6 months of pay after she graduates...making her literally the best investment I have ever made :)


Moustachian Marriage:

Like a room-mate who never moves out and splits income with you!

azanon

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #31 on: March 01, 2013, 08:51:58 AM »
Those who have read "Millionaire Next Door" or "Stop Acting Rich" know that just under 70% of millionaire next door types are "Married, never divorce".   So where is the article entitled "The cost of not acruiring a significant other?".  Given what I know I'm able to save with both my wife and I working, and splitting the costs on so many things, I'm not sure I could even afford it.   

momo

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #32 on: March 01, 2013, 09:53:10 AM »

Another story from my cousin's Facebook feed:  He was working his smartphone during a staff meeting, and one of his co-workers was shoulder-surfing next to him.  She said "Hey, who's the buff babe in that sexy bikini on your phone?  I'm going to tell your wife on you!"

He replied "Sharon, that is my wife, and she's accepting her trophy from the fitness competition"...

That IS hilarious! Thanks for sharing and raising a laugh.

Those who have read "Millionaire Next Door" or "Stop Acting Rich" know that just under 70% of millionaire next door types are "Married, never divorce".   So where is the article entitled "The cost of not acruiring a significant other?".  Given what I know I'm able to save with both my wife and I working, and splitting the costs on so many things, I'm not sure I could even afford it.

Good points. The thing is if you are single your money is mainly your money minus taxes and such. As a whole you don't need to consider anyone else and/or their needs or common goals. So in a sense being single does have some financial benefits and truth be told you probably can save just as quickly for FI as a single person than a married couple. I find I save more by myself b/c I am not saving for a common goal with my gf but it takes a lot of work b/c for me I am quite frugal whereas my gf is less. So I find unless both people are focused on saving and ER, you can probably save more on your own than with a partner. That's just my ten cents.

Re: splitting/alternating who pays the bill when dating

I feel like that's the natural thing to do after a couple dates, or whenever the relationship feels stable-ish. It would be weird if the guy was still paying for meals all the time after say, 3-4 dates. I have 0 qualms about picking up the tab early in the dating process. Like it or not, it's one of those societal things that's expected of males. Each gender has its perks, if I'm short a dozen meals over my lifetime, so be it.

You'd be amazed at what some women influenced by different cultures "expect" from the men. In some traditional Chinese, Taiwanese, Japanese families the man pays for EVERYTHING during and after courtship. One of my best friends was engaged to a woman who expected him to pay for everything and I mean everything all the time even though she made 250k which was 125k over him.

I feel ultimately the expectation who pays and how frequently (during and after courtship) is a personal choice regardless if the woman was raised a certain way, she still has a choice to practice the value or not. What has your experience been like?
« Last Edit: March 01, 2013, 09:58:20 AM by Stashtastic Momo »

the fixer

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #33 on: March 01, 2013, 03:16:43 PM »
If I were dating again I'd pay special attention to a woman who wanted to split the tab on the first date. More likely Mustachian material that way, and not someone I have to flaunt wealth around.

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #34 on: March 04, 2013, 10:57:13 AM »
If I were dating again I'd pay special attention to a woman who wanted to split the tab on the first date. More likely Mustachian material that way, and not someone I have to flaunt wealth around.

Observing if the woman offers to pay and actually takes money out to pay is important. I use to pay attention to this action, but I find sometimes this isn't an accurate indicator of a woman's financial values. I've known many men who meet women who do offer to pay initially, then they stop offering and/or paying entirely once they are a couple. Your mileage may vary. Cheers!

tmac

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #35 on: March 04, 2013, 02:38:56 PM »
I can totally see it.  Like it or not, women judge men's suitability as a provider based upon him displaying it like a peacock displays his tail.

I absolutely agree with this. My husband totally showed off for me on our first date.

He showed me who he really is and what life would be like with him. He picked me up in a 20-year-old Volvo wagon, with his sweet 2-year-old son in the back seat. We went to the fair and used free tickets from our employer. He bought me a hot dog and I bought him a beer. We were engaged within the week. :)

JessicaRed

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #36 on: March 13, 2013, 08:33:38 PM »
I can totally see it.  Like it or not, women judge men's suitability as a provider based upon him displaying it like a peacock displays his tail. In some circles that means a fast car that bounces up and down while pounding out the bass.  In others, it's expensive dinners and concerts.

It's part of our primal mating rituals.  We don't even think about it when we're doing it.  Don't believe me?  How many women do you think would go on a second date with a guy who asks to split the bill?  Be honest, now.

Being honest - that strikes me as a really sexist comment. You're generalizing the behaviour of an entire gender! Maybe some women "judge" men on that basis because they are specifically searching for a rich partner, but that's hardly true of all of us. It's like me saying that all men judge a woman's suitability as a mate on their their waist/hip ratio, bra size, youth and perceived ability to bear children. I would hope that at least some men would be offended by my summing up their mental process in that way.





Nords

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #37 on: March 13, 2013, 09:15:17 PM »
It's like me saying that all men judge a woman's suitability as a mate on their their waist/hip ratio, bra size, youth and perceived ability to bear children. I would hope that at least some men would be offended by my summing up their mental process in that way.
After sorting through my first half-dozen answers, I guess my best response is "Good luck with that."

My college daughter and I have the conversation all the time:
Me:  "Hey, honey, know what that guy is thinking?"
Her:  "No, what?"
Me:  "He's not!"
« Last Edit: March 13, 2013, 09:21:08 PM by Nords »

momo

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #38 on: March 14, 2013, 09:42:21 AM »
It's like me saying that all men judge a woman's suitability as a mate on their their waist/hip ratio, bra size, youth and perceived ability to bear children. I would hope that at least some men would be offended by my summing up their mental process in that way.
After sorting through my first half-dozen answers, I guess my best response is "Good luck with that."

My college daughter and I have the conversation all the time:
Me:  "Hey, honey, know what that guy is thinking?"
Her:  "No, what?"
Me:  "He's not!"

Too funny Nords. I for one would like to hear the first half-dozen answers you have too.

Nords

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #39 on: March 14, 2013, 10:21:43 AM »
Too funny Nords. I for one would like to hear the first half-dozen answers you have too.
I'm pretty sure that you've heard them all before...

Here's a Scientific American summary of a couple of studies of the subject:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=men-and-women-cant-be-just-friends

Quote
Taken together, these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”—and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view.
So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly.  But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis.

BPA

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Re: Cost of acquiring a significant other? Over USD 40,000...
« Reply #40 on: March 14, 2013, 10:50:00 AM »
It's part of our primal mating rituals.  We don't even think about it when we're doing it.  Don't believe me?  How many women do you think would go on a second date with a guy who asks to split the bill?  Be honest, now.

I've never liked chivalry, as it seems like the polite face of chauvanism.  Why should I expect the guy to treat me as an equal partner in life, if I'm not an equal contributor in the dating process?

Then again, I met my DH when we were both young and broke, so perhaps that helps too. :)

It doesn't have to be splitting the bill. Alternating works just as well.

SIS

I completely agree.