https://www.tesla.com/models/designBase model is 60, not 85, so let's start there... at least, I'm looking at the model S.
The 60 has a 130mph top speed and a 5.5 second 0-60mph. $66k
The 60D has a 130mph top speed and a 5.2 second 0-60mph. $71k
The 75 has a 140mph top speed and a 5.5 second 0-60mph. $74.5k
The 75D has a 140mph top speed and a 5.2 second 0-60mph. $79.5k
The 90D has a 155mph top speed and a 4.2 second 0-60mph. $89.5k
The 100D has a 155mph top speed and a 2.5 second 0-60mph. $134.5k
The 100D has a 315 mile range (EPA), the others proportionally less range.
In comparison, I paid $17,750 for my supercharged C5 corvette. It has somewhere in the neighborhood of 550 crank horsepower (vs 350 stock).
Performance comparisons:
C5 had a 4.8 second 0-60 stock at 350 horsepower.
C5Z had a 4.0 second 0-60 stock at 400 horsepower and a better suspension.
I have much wider tires than either the stock C5 or C5Z, and I can adjust my suspension to be better for launching/acceleration in some respects, though it's not fully up to or beyond the C5Z. (I drive around with it semi-stiff, stiffer than stock, less stiff than it can be.)
I did some pulls today on public roads, unprepped, with road-temp tires, and I'm fairly certain I was running around 5, and I'm a complete amateur. My launches aren't that fast on public roads for obvious reasons.
I haven't ever ran any quarter miles. Stock, it's low 13s; the C5Z is mid-12s.
My top speed, stock, is in the ~175 mph range depending on wind. With an extra 200 horsepower and no issues of gear limiting, I suspect I can hit a solid 190mph (comfortably above 300 kph).
All the base model teslas are >5 sec 0-60 and >13.5 sec quarter miles.
The mid-end performance teslas are around 4 sec 0-60 and around 12.5 sec quarter miles. Roughly the same as my car.
The high-end performance teslas are much, much faster than my car, and they'll walk it.
No tesla has anywhere remotely close to the top speed my car does.
So to summarize:
My $17,750 car (admittedly quite a bit more when it was new) will walk any base model tesla.
It will be roughly on par with the tesla that costs 5x more.
It will get completely walked by the tesla that costs 7.5x more.
However, absolutely none of them have my top speed. I'm not sure who would win on a half mile race, but I'd win in a standing mile basically by default.
Also, my car can do laps all day... the tesla can only launch a couple times before it starts to limp; it can only keep up a 155 mph top speed (for the highest end models) for a fairly short time. I can maintain 155 mph pretty much indefinitely, or until something mechanically fails (so probably not a good idea to do it on a public road that might have potholes and rocks). In sixth gear, my car is only spinning at ~2200 rpm at 100mph; it won't even get hot.
On the other hand, launching a tesla is much much much easier than launching my car. You just press a button and press the accelerator on the tesla. My car requires skill. Naturally, this puts me at a disadvantage, because I'm not particularly skilled - I much prefer rolling starts to hard launches.
Also, I have a very similar range to the P100D, except it only takes me five minutes to stop every 300+ miles. Start pumping, piss, come back, put the nozzle away, leave. Five minutes in and out. A tesla has to wait over an hour to full charge after 300 miles!
It might amuse you that today I passed a caravan of several high-end porsches and two ferraris. This is not at all unusual. I was out deep in the sticks... if you know where to look where I live, you'll find entire parking lots covered with teslas, and next to them, cars faster than teslas.
We do have tons of teslas, and they're great cars. But yeah, my car is faster than anything under $89k from tesla. At $89k, I can buy a viper or a C7Z and that will be faster. At $134k, I can buy a viper ACR and that will be faster to everything except 0-60. (I can always get a super fast 0-60 time by buying a tube chassis car, but that's cheating.)